Between the Scenes
by darkclocks
Summary: This started as one-shots (episodic one-shots) for Olivia and Alex and their relationship; however, it has grown into something well beyond that and most chapters are connected now. (with the exception of a few that jump around before i changed format). However, many are what the title says - between the scenes of episodes.
1. Repression

**A/N:** Normal disclaimers. I own nothing from NBC, blah blah blah. Multiple one-shots of what happened between the scenes and episodes at SVU, specifically for Olivia Benson and Alex Cabot. The intention would be for each chapter to be stand-alone for the most part.

If you have episode suggestions, let me know. Review and let me know what you think!

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: REPRESSION 3.01**

The first time it happen came as a surprise to both women. Not that neither of them hadn't "experimented" in college, but they weren't college-aged any longer. They both knew that keeping their personal and professional lives separate was important in both their jobs. Still, surprise or not, everything came natural, like they had been lovers for years.

They had only known each other for just under a year. Summer had ended, and the fall leaves had just begun to change colors. It was a Friday evening and the squad that just finished up a case where a therapist had planted false memories in a young girl who believed her father had raped her, and which ultimately led to him being murdered.

"Did you know that something like 30% of women never has an orgasm?" Munch randomly said as the squad was beginning their first round of beer at Chauncey's. All the men focused their attention on Alex and Olivia.

"I could see that," Alex said. "I mean, most men have no idea what they're doing in the bedroom."

"Just how large of sample size are we talking about, Alex?" Elliot asked and smirked.

"Good try, but we are not having that conversation," Alex said. She turned and faced Olivia. "What about you, Olivia? Does 30% seem about right to you?"

Olivia took a drink of her beer to think about her answer. Truthfully, most men she had been with had been clueless in the bedroom, but she had also been with enough women in her past to know what she liked and exactly how to get it. Having an orgasm, or giving one, had never been an issue for her.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, one of the points of sex is an orgasm, and if you're not having them, then you're not doing something right. Of course, there are other reasons to have sex, but let's face it, the orgasm is what makes a sweaty, naked body next to you enjoyable."

Everyone at the table blushed, including Alex.

"So, you're saying you always have an orgasm?" Alex asked.

"I'm saying, I know how to get what I want, and make sure that my partners have never left unsatisfied either," Olivia said. The eye contact between the two women was intense. Of course, it wasn't noticed by any of the men because they were all too embarrassed and intrigued by the conversation.

Olivia took another drink of her beer. "I mean, if you want pointers, Alex, I'll be happy to give you a hand." Olivia laughed as she said it, hoping Alex and the others would see it as a joke. Alex didn't respond but laughed as she took another drink of her beer.

"Well, on that note, I better get going home before Kathy starts worrying," Elliot said.

"Us, too," Munch said, and Fin looked at him funny. "What? You're my ride." Fin rolled his eyes but got up to leave.

"You ladies have a good night," Munch said. "But Alex, if she does give you any pointers, we expect full details Monday morning."

"Shut up and go home," Olivia said, throwing a napkin at him.

Within a few minutes, a man who had been sitting nearby walked over to their table.

"You know, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and I'd be interested in some pointers. Could I buy you a drink?" He was already drunk, and was attractive and charming enough, but neither Olivia nor Alex was interested.

"I don't think so," Olivia said. "We were just leaving anyway." The two women got up and left some money on the table with what the guys had left. They walked out of the front of the bar and into the crisp air on the street.

"I'm sorry about that," Olivia said. "We can go someplace else if you want. I just didn't want to drunk guys to start hitting on us."

"No, I completely understand, Liv," Alex said. "We could take a cab to my place if you like. I have beer there and probably some food somewhere. Plus, I can assure you that there won't be any drunk men hitting on you there. Drunk women, on the other hand." Alex gave Olivia a smile. They were both buzzed and had been flirty all night, but that wasn't anything new. Olivia wasn't sure what it meant, she just knew that she hoped Alex wasn't joking about hitting on her.

"Sounds good, _counselor,_ " Olivia said. They hailed a cab and within 10 minutes, were in front of Alex's apartment building.

"Wow, Alex, this is a nice place," Olivia said. It was much bigger than her apartment, but not extravagant. She wasn't sure what to expect, but this was more comfortable than she expected from Alex Cabot.

"Thanks," Alex said. "It's a little bigger than I wanted, but it does have a great view and has enough room for all of my law school books to have their own office." Alex walked back to the living room where Olivia had sat down on the couch. She handed Olivia a beer and sat down a plate of cheese and crackers.

"What, no caviar and wine?" Olivia said, teasing the ADA.

"Wine, yes. Caviar, no," Alex said. "But it's a beer drinking kind of night. I figured we shouldn't mix the alcohol."

"Yeah, I can never remember the order of when it's safe to drink or when you're going to be puking like a sea-sick passenger," Olivia said.

"So, about these tips you were going to show me." Alex turned toward Olivia on the couch and had moved closer to her friend.

"Are you hitting on me, counselor? Because you promised that..."

"No, I promised no drunk men would be hitting on you. I specifically said I couldn't make promises about women who have had a little too much to drink," Alex replied, moving within inches of Olivia.

"Alex, I'm not sure this is a good idea," Olivia said. The words came out, but she couldn't force herself to move away from the blonde sitting too close to her.

"I think it's a great idea," Alex said. "Besides, you wouldn't want to leave me _unsatisfied_ , would you?"

At the sound of Alex's words, Olivia quickly pressed her lips to Alex's and put her hand on the back of Alex's head while she used her tongue to part Alex's mouth. Alex moaned and responded with her body, slipping her arms around Olivia's back and pulling her closer for more contact.

Olivia pulled back for just a moment. This wasn't like her. She didn't sleep with co-workers. Sure, there had been Cassidy, but he only validated her rule even more - never cross business and pleasure.

"We're drunk," Olivia said.

"We had four beers in three hours," Alex said. "I can assure you we're not drunk." She moved her lips down Olivia's neck, getting a moan out of the brunette.

"We have to work together," Olivia said.

"We're not working now," Alex said. "Besides, you did promise to give me a hand. I'd hate for you to perjure yourself."

As much as Olivia knew it was a bad idea, she couldn't control her urges anymore. She worked on unbuttoning Alex's blouse only to become frustrated by it and rip the buttons apart. Alex gasped but immediately laid back on the couch and pulled Olivia on top of her.

Olivia worked quickly to unhook Alex's bra, while Alex unbuttoned her pants. Olivia helped Alex raise up long enough to slip her pants off and tossed them on the floor. She immediately closed her mouth around Alex's breasts. She used one of her free hands to run down Alex's thigh, teasing the top of her panties and slipping her own thigh between Alex's leg.

"Oh, Liv, please. I'm more than ready," Alex muttered in between heavy breaths.

Olivia took the hint and pushed Alex's panties down. She slowly ran her fingers along the outside of Alex's center while she worked her mouth down Alex's body. She began gently and slowly, licking up Alex's slit to adjust her to the contact. With that she began licking and sucking on Alex's clit until she heard whimpering from the blonde. It was only then that she slipped her fingers inside of Alex, never removing her mouth contact. She made a point to raise her eyes up so she could watch Alex's reacting to having Olivia inside her and her mouth on her core.

 _Yep. She's definitely going to be left satisfied tonight,_ Olivia smiled to herself and went back to work work on the blonde. Olivia could tell just when Alex was close to exploding and made a point to pull back and ease off. She didn't know if she would ever have another chance to be with Alex and she wanted to make it last as long as possible.

Alex, on the other hand, must have had other things in mind.

"Olivia! I swear to god! Please let me come, I can't take much more," she begged.

Olivia was always eager to please her lovers, and in this case, she knew Alex was about to explode whether she willed her to or not, so she obliged. She stiffened her tongue on Alex's clit and began running circles while curling her fingers inside the blonde. It didn't take long for Alex's lower body to shoot up off the couch. Luckily, Olivia had expected it and had placed a hand on Alex's hip to keep them attached. Olivia kept her fingers thrusting inside Alex and tongue gently lapping her lover until she felt Alex's body fully relax. She then climbed back up to Alex's mouth and placed a kiss on her lips while Alex tried to regain her breath.

"Wow. That was definitely satisfying and much better than most of my dates," Alex said.

"I do aim to please," Olivia said and grinned.

"Well, if you'd like to move this to the bedroom, I'd like to return the favor, detective," Alex said.

Olivia got up and followed Alex to the bedroom. She still knew this wasn't a good idea for them, but there was no way she was going to turn down a night of passion in Alex's bed. Tomorrow she could deal with the consequences, but tonight, she planned to enjoy.

Two hours later, both Olivia and Alex lay breathless on the bed, having made the most of their time together...several times.

"You know we can't do this again, right?" Olivia finally said.

"I know. It was a one-time drunken night out," Alex said.

"I thought you said we weren't drunk?" Olivia teased.

"Well, you know what I mean. But you're right, we work together, so we need to keep our personal lives separate," Alex said.

Olivia got up from the bed and began picking up the pieces of her clothing and getting dressed. She could tell Alex was watching her.

"You know, if you keep looking at me like that, someone is going to notice," Olivia said as she finished dressing.

"Well, as long as you keep your clothes on, we shouldn't have a problem," Alex smirked.

Olivia leaned over the bed and kissed Alex one last time. "I'll see you Monday morning, counselor _._ "

Olivia let herself out of Alex's apartment with every intention of letting the night be what it was intended to be - a one-night stand. Of course, you know what they say about good intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.


	2. Rooftop

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: ROOFTOP 3.04**

Alex knocked on Olivia's apartment door. She had no reason to be there, nor had she even come up with a good excuse. They had all finished up a hard case putting a murderer and rapist away who was killing young black girls in Harlem. It had been hard on all of them, especially Fin. Alex was hoping Olivia would be in the mood to celebrate, which is why she brought a bottle of wine with her.

When Olivia opened the door, she didn't look entirely shocked to see Alex standing there.

"Alex, to what do I owe the surprise visit?" Olivia smirked. "Please tell me you're not here about work because I was just getting comfortable."

"Quite the opposite," Alex said and held up the wine. "I thought we could both relax a little after that case."

"Well, a beautiful woman with a bottle of wine? How could I refuse?" Olivia smiled and moved from the doorway to allow Alex to enter.

Of course, there was more on Alex's mind than just wine and relaxing tonight. She knew that Olivia probably knew that as well, as she was certain Olivia caught her checking her out in the squad room the other day. Of course, she could say the same thing about the brunette.

Alex handed Olivia the wine to open and made her way to the couch where she got comfortable. She blushed slightly thinking of the last time they were on a couch together.

Olivia returned with two glasses of wine and some bread. She handed Alex a glass and made herself comfortable close to Alex on the couch.

"So, Alex, why don't you tell me why you're really here," Olivia said.

"I told you, Olivia. It was a stressful week and case, and I thought it would do us both some good to relax," Alex said.

"Hmmm," Olivia said, pausing to take a drink of her wine. "So it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I caught you check in my breasts out the other day...in front of everyone else, mind you!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alex protested.

"Really? So, I suppose you also just happened to forget to button one or two extra buttons on your shirts this week, at least when you came by the squad room," Olivia said.

 _Busted,_ Alex though. She began to blush and swallowed slowly.

"That's what I thought, _counselor,_ " Olivia said.

"And what if that was why I was here?" Alex said, getting her courage back. "I mean, I'm not the only who has enjoyed the view in the squad room. If I were, you wouldn't have even noticed an extra button or two."

Olivia was caught, and Alex knew it. She gave the brunette a cocky smiled to prove it.

"I'd say that we agreed nothing could happen again," Olivia said. She had suddenly lost the upper hand, and her confidence.

"What if we modified the agreement?" Alex said.

"You make it sound like a contract," Olivia said.

"Well, what would you like it to be?" Alex said. She was daring Olivia and knew it made her uncomfortable.

Olivia was silent for a moment and then spoke up.

"Okay, fine. But we have to have some ground rules," Olivia said. Alex nodded for her to continue. "First, this is just sex. Neither of can afford to let our feelings jeopardize our careers."

"Okay, just sex. No strings attached," Alex said, and Olivia nodded. "Okay, no sleeping over."

"Agreed. We do what we do, and we leave," Olivia said. "No fooling around at work."

Alex was silent for a moment, her mind in thought of all the places she would love to fool around with Olivia at work...her desk being the top of the list.

"Alex?"

"What? Oh, yeah, no fooling around at work. That's safe and good," Alex said pulling herself out of her thoughts. "We're free to see other people."

"Uh, yeah, of course," Olivia said. Did Alex detect a bit of jealousy in her voice? She wasn't sure, but it still seemed like a common sense rule for two people who were just having sex. "Okay, no leaving any marks. The guys will notice."

"Marks? What kind of marks are we talking about, Olivia?" Alex asked. She knew what Olivia meant, but she was also turned on and wanted to hear Olivia say it.

"Hickeys, bites, uh, handcuff marks," Olivia smirked. Alex blushed at the word handcuffs. She had definitely had that fantasy as well. "Or course, mine are soft and don't leave marks."

"Agreed," Alex said. "Okay, last but not least. No one can know. Not even Elliot."

"Oh, that's too bad," Olivia said. "I mean, I already filled him in on all the details about last time."

"What?!"

"Haha! Relax, Alex, I'm kidding. I don't talk to Elliot about my sex life, so we're good there," Olivia said. "So, that's it?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that's it," Alex said. She moved closer and put her hand near the top of Olivia's thigh and whispered in her ear. "I mean, I'm definitely interested in learning more about these handcuffs of yours. I take it they aren't regulation issued?"

Olivia gulped. "Not exactly, counselor, but if we move this to the bedroom, I can give you a demonstration."

"I thought you'd never ask," Alex said. She watched as Olivia got up off the couch and took her hand, leading her into the bedroom.

The first time with the handcuffs, Alex was thankful they were soft and fuzzy, because the way Olivia made her body jerk, they would have definitely left a mark.

The second time was Alex's turn to cuff Olivia, where she made Olivia scream so much she nearly passed out. And when Alex was done, Olivia fell asleep from exhaustion.

Alex smiled to herself, proud of her accomplishment and quickly got dress. Even if Olivia was asleep, they couldn't break on of their rules, not this soon anyway. Olivia still had one hand cuffed to the post, but Alex decided to leave her like that...as a reminder of the night they had. She left the key close by on the dresser with a note.

 _O- Thanks for tonight. It was enlightening. Hope I didn't leave any marks. 'Til next time. -A_

* * *

 _A/N:_ Would love other episode suggestions. The first couple are kind of connected, establishing the relationship, but I plan to skip around and no go in order, necessarily. Also, other scenarios, or backgrouns (i.e. not just fooling around ,but dating, married, etc..) Give me a set up and episode and I'll try to write it. Otherwise, I'll keep going along with what I'm doing.


	3. Wrath

A/N: Short chapter, but I'm flying all day. This was one of the first episodes suggested. Same universe as first two chapters. (in fact, falls in between those two). Thanks for all the great comments. I'm stoked you guys are enjoying, and I'm making a list of your episode suggestions. Expect the suggested Season 2 episode to come up soon (though I'm not sure what will be next, yet).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: WRATH 3.02**

Olivia paced in the hallway outside of Alex's apartment trying to decide whether to knock on the door or not. She wanted to; she was angry and wanted Alex to know it. On the other hand, she knew deep down that she was probably overreacting to Alex's question of how many drinks she had the night she saw Eric Plummer. Still, it didn't give Alex the right to talk to her like that, to imply she was drunk. Who did Alex think she was?

She kept her pacing up until the apartment door suddenly opened.

"Detective? Are you going to come in, or are you going to wear a hole in the carpet out there?" Alex asked.

Olivia glared at her. "How did you even know I was out here? Keeping tabs on me?"

"No, but after 15 minutes, one of my nosy neighbors called and wanted to know who the charming brunette was pacing outside my door," Alex said with a smirk. "Now, are you going to come in?"

Olivia sighed and walked through the door. She was no in the mood for cocky Alex tonight, even though it helped make up her decision about whether to say anything to her or not.

"So?" Alex asked.

"So? Are you serious, Alex? I think you know exactly why I'm here," Olivia replied.

"Plummer." Olivia nodded. "So is it the warrant I wouldn't get you that you're mad about or my asking a simple question like how many drinks you had?"

"I don't give a damn about the warrant, Alex," Olivia said. "But you don't to question my abilities to do my job."

"I wasn't questioning your abilities. I was merely pointing out valid defense questions," Alex said. Olivia could tell Alex was not backing down, not that she expected it.

"You implied I was drunk," Olivia said. "You should know me well enough and have enough faith in my abilities to do my job not to have to ask a question like that."

"I have every bit of faith in you, Olivia, but you are emotionally invested in this case, and that can cloud judgement," Alex said.

"Oh, so my judgement is clouded now?" Olivia asked.

"Isn't it?" Alex said.

"You know what? Forget I came here. I thought we could talk about this as friends and colleagues," Olivia said. She made a motion to move toward the door, but Alex stepped in front of her and grabbed her arms.

"Is that what we are, Olivia? Friends? Colleagues?" Alex said. Olivia could see something in Alex's eyes - was that hurt and caring?

"Just because we fucked once doesn't give you the right to treat me differently?" Olivia snapped and pulled from Alex's grasp.

Olivia watched as Alex moved and took a deep breath. She was pretty sure she saw tears forming in Alex's eyes. This was not what she needed to see right now.

"You're right," Alex said. "I was just concerned about you, and perhaps I overstepped my boundary with my question." The words came out cold and resigned. Olivia was grateful for that. "But don't you dare accuse me of treating you differently because we _fucked,_ as you called it."

"Alex...," Olivia warned.

"No, you're right, and this is a perfect example of why we can't let what happen, ever happen again," Alex said.

"We can't," Olivia said. Alex was still standing right in front of her, in her personal space. Regardless of the words they had just spoke, Olivia wanted to grab Alex, push her against the door, and kiss her right then. From the hungry look in Alex's eye, Olivia could tell Alex probably wanted the same thing.

Olivia stepped toward the door, but turned back quickly, grabbing Alex, and pressing their lips quickly together. She knew they couldn't have sex, but all she wanted was one last kiss. One last, long, passionate kiss.

Alex gasped for breath when Olivia pulled away, seemingly stunned by the move Olivia had made. Olivia opened the door and glanced back over her shoulder.

"Goodnight, Counselor."


	4. Countdown

A/N: Wrote this on plane, and my check isn't working. Also, computer almost dead, so no time to manuall do it. Sorry for typos, etc... At any rate, consider this a pre-quel to the other chapters. And YES, I loved the idea of them breaking the rules...I just wanted to get some others in before they started doing that. I know I said these could be stand-alone, but it seems like I may connect them (or most of them).

Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming. Ya'll are awesome :)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: COUNTDOWN 2.15**

"Benson." Olivia answered her phone on a Monday afternoon. The SVU had had a busy weekend and she exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home. She could see it was Cabot calling and was hoping there wasn't anything she needed before tomorrow morning.

"Olivia, how are you?" Alex asked.

"I'm tired," Olivia said. "Hoping that you're not calling to give me more work."

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Alex said. "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight. You know, since you keep cancelling on me."

"Sure. I hope to be able to get out of here soon," Olivia said. "But you know how it is."

"I understand," Alex said. "So, should I just meet you over there? I thought we go to Mario's if that is okay with you."

"Yeah, I'll see you later," Olivia said.

"You have a date with Michael tonight?" Elliot smiled from his desk. He had only heard the last part of the conversation.

"Uh, yeah," she lied. Elliot knew she had been seeing some guy named Michael a while back. Every time she had to cancel plans with Alex recently, and he saw the disappointment in her eyes, she let him continue to believe it was Michael she was cancelling with. She didn't have any reason to lie, but she really didn't want to explain her innocent dinner out with Alex to Elliot or the other guys. Of course, her dinner with Alex had been cancelled two times so far.

Last time she mentioned it, there conversation only led to teasing on his part.

" _It's two friends going out to dinner," Olivia said. "Geez, El, get your mind out of the gutter."_

" _Come on, Liv, you can't tell me you haven't noticed how she looks at you," he said. "How she always sits on your desk. How she always defers to you when she's unsure about something."_

" _Elliot, you're crazy," Olivia said. "She probably just relates more to me because I'm a woman."_

Olivia had noticed, but she convinced herself it was nothing. She was indeed attracted to the blonde, but there was no way Alex was interested in her. Still, she didn't want Elliot or any of the other guys getting the wrong idea so she picked up the phone to call Alex back.

"Cabot."

"Hey, change of plans," Olivia said.

"Oh, no, tell me you're not cancelling again," Alex said.

"No," Olivia said. Never in a million years, she thought. "I just thought I'd come over there to meet you rather than here."

"Okay, well, I'll see you later," Alex said.

The afternoon dragged on for Olivia. All she could think about what her dinner out with Alex. _Was it a date?_ _No, of course it wasn't_. Still, Olivia held out hope that just maybe Elliot was right.

Five o'clock finally rolled around and Olivia put her files away and grabbed her keys and headed for the elevator.

"Someone is in a hurry for their date," Elliot called out.

"Screw you, Stabler," she said and pushed the elevator button. The door opened and she walked in when she suddenly heard Cragen yelling for her.

"Benson! Stabler!" Cragen called out. "We have a girl at Bellvue. Raped and fell from the back of the van. I need the two of you to get up there as soon as possible."

"Damn it, it's the twins' birthday," Elliot said. "I never picked up their present."

"Well, I think you have an excuse," Olivia said as she slumped back to her desk.

"Yeah, you come talk to me after you cancel on Michael again tonight." Elliot said.

Olivia sighed. Cancelling on Michael wasn't nearly as hard as it was going to be cancelling on Alex again. Elliot disappeared to call Kathy, so Olivia moved to a corner to call Alex.

"Cabot," Olivia said.

"Hey," Olivia said.

"Seriously? Again?" Alex said.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"No, it's fine," Alex said. "But if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were blowing me off."

"I really am sorry," Olivia said. "I promise I'll make it up to you. Maybe tomorrow will work?"

"Okay, tomorrow," Alex said.

Of course, tomorrow never came. Neither would Wednesday. Olivia wouldn't see the inside of her apartment for three days after catching the case. It had worn on all of them, and her and Stabler had spent a great deal of time arguing.

By Thursday, Olivia had given up hope of rescheduling with Alex. She figured Alex wouldn't want to now anyway, even if she understood the job. When she was finally able to go home Thursday morning, she took a shower and went straight to bed. She couldn't remember the last time she saw it.

Several hours later, she woke to knocking on her door.

"I'm coming!" she shouted, although she was not too pleased at having a visitor after the week she had.

"Alex," Olivia said when she opened the door. "I wasn't expecting you. Did we have plans?"

"No," Alex said. Olivia moved out of the way to allow her to enter. "But I figured making plans doesn't work for us, so I thought I'd just bring the plans to you. Marios?" She held up a take-out bag and bottle of wine.

"You didn't have to do this, Alex," Olivia said.

"I wanted to, Liv," Alex said. "You've had a long week and deserve a proper meal. I see how you eat when you guys are on a case."

"So heavy Italian food is the answer?" Olivia teased.

"What? It certainly tastes better, and I brought a salad with it," Alex said.

"Thank you, Alex," Olivia said. "Really, this was sweet."

"I'm happy to do it," Alex said. "And, that's not all, I brought popcorn and a movie. You owe me like three dates, so you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"Dates?" Olivia said and raised her eyebrows. She saw Alex blush.

"Oh, I just mean, you know, friend dates," Alex said. Olivia laughed as she stumbled over her words. It made her wonder.

"Relax, Alex," Olivia said. "I was just kidding." As much as Olivia wanted to believe Alex meant real dates, and even if part of her thought maybe she did, and wanted it, she still knew that could never happen. She would have to settle for friendship with the blonde. At least until one of them wasn't in SVU. And that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Instead, she settled in next to Alex on the couch, with their dinner and movie. Waiting for the day when she could finally tell Alex how she felt. Today, however, was not the day.


	5. Sacrifice

A/N: Okay, thanks to "Guest" who suggested breaking some rules. Here's the first installment of that, with an added little twist. Thanks for reading and for the reviews. Long day of travel (but I had some downtime to get some updates in).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SACRIFICE 3.07**

"I cannot believe Wesley was going to go to jail for Jana," Alex said as she finished pouring two glasses of wine and joined Olivia on the couch.

"I guess love makes you do strange things," Olivia said. "I mean, I understand why Wesley did what he did. He genuinely loved his daughter. But Jana, she was a piece of work."

Alex hated to admit it, but with all the talk of porn over the last week, all she had been able to think about was Olivia. It had been a few weeks since they had been together, and she had begun to miss Olivia's touch. Not that she had any right to miss Olivia. It was just sex. Those were the established rules, and they had kept true to them.

"That's why I think love is overrated," Alex said. She wanted to believe that. When it came to love, she hadn't had much luck and was starting to believe it wasn't in her future. Sure, Olivia made her feel things, but there were a million reasons why that wouldn't work. No, she decided love was not for her, and that she never wanted someone to have that much power over her.

"I don't know about that, Alex," Olivia said. "I mean, look at Elliot and Kathy. They've stuck together through a lot. If that isn't love, I don't know what is." Olivia gave her one of those smiles that turned Alex to jelly, and Alex instinctively moved closer.

"Maybe you're right, but enough talking about work," Alex said. "You know, I can think of one thing that is definitely _not_ overrated." It was Olivia's turn to melt those words, and Alex knew she was putty in her hands.

"Oh yeah?" Olivia said, pressing her lips to Alex's. "And just what would that be?"

"If you follow me to the bedroom, maybe I'll show you," Alex said. She got up off the couch and slowly pulled her top off, tossing it in Olivia's face as she sauntered her way to the bedroom.

"Wow, you are such a tease," Olivia said.

"Oh, I'm not teasing anything," Alex said from the bedroom. "Now, are you going to come to bed, or do I have to take care of things myself?"

Olivia jumped up from the couch and nearly ran to the bedroom. When she arrived, Alex was already naked and waiting in the bed.

"Woah, someone is ready," Olivia said.

"Let's just say I have some pent up frustrations and I plan on taking them out on you tonight," Alex said, pulling Olivia into the bed with her and making quick work of removing Olivia's clothes. Tonight, Alex felt like being in control, and she made sure Olivia knew it.

By the time she was done with Olivia that night, she was sure that everyone of her neighbors, even the ones she hadn't met, knew her name. Olivia had never been that loud before. Usually, it was Alex, but Alex felt smug knowing what she had done to Olivia. She was pretty sure "Alex" was the only name Olivia could say right now. She probably wouldn't know her own name if Alex had asked her.

Both women passed out from exhaustion a few hours later. It wasn't unusual for one or both of them to fall asleep, but the other was always gone by morning, per their agreement.

However, when Alex woke the next morning, she was surprised to find Olivia still sleeping in her bed. Actually, Olivia's snoring is what woke her up. Alex was a little annoyed, especially considering how strict Olivia had been about their rules, but until she saw the time, she wasn't too concerned about it. After all, it was a Saturday morning. However, when she saw that it was 9:00 am, she began to freak out.

"Shit! Olivia, you have to get up and go!" Alex said as she shook the brunette to wake her.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Olivia said, still half asleep.

"You slept over," Alex said. "You're not supposed to sleep over. Those are the rules. You have to go now."

Olivia was wide awake now, mostly from Alex's shaking her and yelling.

"Relax, Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "Geez, I feel asleep. I didn't think it was a big deal."

Alex had already jumped up and was collecting Olivia's clothes. When Olivia sat up, Alex shoved them in her hands.

"Here, go put on clothes," she said, still frantic. "You have to go."

Olivia took the clothes and went to the bathroom. She couldn't figure out why Alex was freaking out so much. I mean, it was usually Olivia kicking Alex out of bed or leaving her. Sure, they had rules, but she didn't think it was a big deal, especially on a Saturday morning.

Olivia got dressed and came out of the bathroom with the intention of telling Alex that she needed to calm down. Before she could say anything, there was a knock on Alex's apartment door.

"Shit! Liz is here already," Alex said.

"What? Why is Donnelly here?" Olivia asked.

"We were supposed to have breakfast this morning," Alex said. "And _you_ can't be here. Quick, go hide in the bathroom."

"Are you serious?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, I'm serious," Alex said before yelling through the apartment. "I'll be right there!"

"Just tell her I had too much to drink and slept over," Olivia said.

"Liv, there are no blankets or pillows on the couch. The bed was clearly slept in by two people, and your hair has the 'just fucked' looked," Alex said.

"Well...I mean," Olivia smirked.

"Go!" Alex said and shoved her into the bathroom. She ran out to the living room to answer the door.

"Liz, I'm so sorry," Alex said. "I overslept and just woke up."

"I should think so," Donnelly smirked. "You look like you may have had some company last night."

Alex blushed at what Donnelly was implying.

"No, I just had a hard time sleeping, that's all," Alex said. "Listen, let me throw on some jeans and I'll be ready to go. Just wait here."

"Actually, I was hoping I could use your restroom, Alex," Liz said. "Where is it?"

"The restroom? Oh, uh, it's through the bedroom," Alex said. "It's uh, kind of a mess right now. Give me just a second."

"Alex, I can assure you I don't care how messy your bathroom is. I just need to pee," Liz said.

"It'll only take a second, I promise," Alex said and ran back into the bedroom. She opened the door to the bathroom to see a very annoyed Olivia standing there. She had been busy washing her face and freshening up.

"Am I free to go yet?" Olivia said.

"Not yet," Alex said. "She needs to use the restroom. I need you to go get in the closet."

"That's a little ironic, don't you think?" Olivia joked.

"I don't care right now, just do it, or we're both busted!" Alex said. Once again, she pulled Olivia and shoved her into her closet. Luckily for Olivia, it was quite a large closet.

"Okay, Liz, it's all ready," Alex yelled to her guest and hoping Olivia would stay quiet.

Liz walked into the bathroom and proceeded about her business. When she finished, she leaned over the sink to wash her hands, and something caught her attention through the mirror. _Was that a gold detective's badge on the hutch by the toilet?_ She turned around and picked it up. It was, indeed. Liz wondered whose it may be, although she had her suspicions. She made a mental note of the badge number and met Alex back in the living room.

"You know, I'm not feeling well, come to think of it," Liz said. "Do you think we could reschedule this for another day? I'm sorry to have wasted your morning."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Alex said in a surprised tone. "I'm sorry I wasn't ready when you got here. But sure, we can reschedule."

"Oh, no, it's my fault," Liz said. "I wasn't feeling well earlier, but thought once I got out I would be okay. Besides, I'm sure you have better things to do on a Saturday than have breakfast with your boss. I'll see you Monday, Alex."

Yes, Monday morning, Liz would certainly look up the badge number, but there was no doubt in her mind that it was Olivia Benson's badge sitting in Alex's bathroom. Suddenly, the events of the morning made all the sense in the world to her.


	6. Inheritance

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: INHERITANCE 3.08**

"Olivia, I told you I was sorry about the other weekend," Alex said. "I panicked when Liz showed up."

Alex had cornered Olivia outside an interrogation room away from everyone else and was talking quietly. Olivia wasn't exactly in the mood to hear it, especially considering the case they had just finished working on had her questioning whether some people had a genetic predisposition to violence.

"Alex, I told you, it's fine," Olivia said. "Trust me; I won't break our rules again." Olivia's tone said much more than her words.

"Well, if you want to come over tonight, I can make it up to you," Alex said after looking to make sure no one else was in earshot.

"No," Olivia said flatly.

"No?" Alex said in a shocked voice.

"I mean, fine, but you can come to my place," Olivia said. "But I'm warning you now, I'm probably not going to be much for company."

"I'll be the judge of that," Alex said, finally smiling. "I'll see you at 7 pm, detective." Alex walked away as Elliot was coming to get Olivia for lunch.

"What are you and Cabot doing tonight?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said.

"It didn't sound like nothing," he said. He was curious. "What's happening at 7 pm?"

"We're just getting dinner, that's all," she said. "Can we go? I'm starved."

Seven o'clock came, and Olivia heard a knock at her door. As promised, Alex had shown up with dinner and a movie. They made quick work of dinner and settled on the couch with wine while Olivia got the movie ready.

"Do you want to talk?" Alex asked, almost hesitantly.

"What about, Alex?" Olivia said. "I told you, me falling asleep won't happen again. You did what you had to do to keep Liz from knowing. I get it."

"That's not what I meant, Liv," Alex said. She was growing frustrated with Olivia, who had been quiet all night. "I meant the case we just finished. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh," Olivia said. "No, we don't need to do that, Alex. Look, I get it. Everyone makes their own choices, regardless of their genetics. I don't want to talk about it."

"I wish you would," Alex said.

"Alex, look, we agreed to our rules. Just sex. No feelings," Olivia said. "You don't need to do this because you feel bad about what happened the other weekend."

"Are you kidding me, Olivia?" Alex said. "You think I'm only concerned about you because I feel guilty about that? What the hell? I thought we were friends. At least, we were before we started sleeping together. Now, you never talk to me."

Olivia sat in silence. She didn't know how to respond. They had been friends. In fact, they were better friends before the sex started. Now, all it seemed like they did was fight at work and have sex on the weekends.

"So, that's it," Alex said. "You're not going to talk to me. I guess you're right. This is just sex. We don't need to care about each other." Alex's words were dripping with bitterness.

Olivia was still silent. Of course, it wasn't just sex for her, but she couldn't risk letting Alex know that. She couldn't risk screwing things up anymore than she was already doing. And, she couldn't risk hurting Alex. _What if she really did have a genetic predisposition for violence?_

"Yes, it's just sex," Olivia said, flatly. "Those were our rules." Rules. Those were the only things that could keep her safe from her emotions and feelings. They had worked out for her so far.

"Fine then," Alex said. "If it's just sex you want, then let's go have sex."

Olivia looked at her incredulously, not believing what she was hearing. But she watched the blonde get up off the couch and go to her bedroom. Olivia followed suit.

Because of her history, Olivia had never liked or enjoyed angry sex, at least with women. She was always afraid of hurting someone. In her effort to not be her father, she overcompensated when she was angry and usually was an even more gentle lover than normal.

Yes, Alex was pushing all of her buttons, but she wasn't going to show it. She took her time with the blonde. Even if she couldn't say how she was feeling, she was showing Alex with her touch.

As for Alex, this wasn't what she had been expecting. She wasn't a fan of angry sex either, not usually, but what Olivia was doing, how gentle and thorough she was being, put her body in shock. The intensity that Olivia made love to her with, no, had sex with her, was something she had rarely experienced. When Olivia gave one last thrust with her hands and grazed her clit, Alex couldn't help but scream. But she knew it was late, so instead, she pulled Olivia to her and bit down on her shoulder to muffle the sounds. She didn't mean to bite, and she certainly hoped it didn't leave a mark, but she had never experienced an orgasm like that in her life.

When they were done, she quickly dressed and left Olivia sleeping in her bed. Of course, she could barely walk, and wanted to stay more than anything, but she knew she couldn't. Not after her freaking out on Olivia when she did it, and especially not after their fight.

The next morning, Olivia hadn't noticed the bite mark. She had been physically and emotionally drained from her night with Alex, so she quickly showered and dressed and went to work.

In fact, half the day had passed before she was even aware of its existence. Her shoulder was sore, and she moved her hand up to rub it. Elliot noticed and asked what was wrong.

"I don't know; it just feels bruised," she said. It hadn't even registered in her mind that it could have been from last night since she was so caught up in Alex's orgasm that she hadn't even realized the blonde had bit her.

"Let me take a look," Elliot said. He got up from his chair and walked over to where his partner was sitting. "Uh, Liv, are you sure you don't know where this came from?"

"No, Elliot," she said. "I told you that."

"Well, you may want to take a look because you have a big ol' bite mark," he smirked.

"What? That's not possible," Olivia said, grabbing a small mirror from her desk drawer.

"Well, it is possible, and trust me, from someone who has four kids, I have a pretty good idea where you got that," he teased.

"Shut up, Stabler," she said. Just at that moment, Alex walked into the squad room.

"Oooh, I want to play," she said, joking. "Why are we telling Elliot to shut up today?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe Alex was showing up now, of all times. She also couldn't believe she bit her. Clearly a violation of their rules.

"Oh, my partner was saying her shoulder was sore, and it turns out she's got a love bite," Elliot smirked. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Cabot? I mean, you guys were hanging out last night, and all."

Elliot really hadn't believed the bite came from Alex, but when he saw her face turn bright red, and Olivia's face turn to anger, he wasn't sure anymore.

"Uh, I, uh, I don't know what you're talking about," Alex said, stumbling over her words. "We had dinner, and I left. Perhaps Olivia entertained another guest after I left."

Olivia got up from her desk and went to pour a cup of coffee.

"You know what, screw you both," she said. She took her coffee and went up to the crib, slamming the door behind her.

Elliot started to follow her, and Alex stopped him.

"No, let me go," she said. He nodded, and she followed Olivia into the crib.

Alex found Olivia laying on her back on one of the bunks. She walked in slowly and sat down at the foot of the bunk Olivia was laying on.

"Liv, I'm so sorry," Alex said. "I didn't mean-"

"Yeah, you didn't mean to," Olivia said. "I remember a pretty similar situation a couple of weeks ago."

"You're right," Alex said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for freaking out on you that morning. And I'm sorry for biting you last night. It was just, well, quite frankly, it was the best orgasm I've ever had in my life." Both women blushed at Alex's confession.

"Alex, we created these rules for a reason," Olivia said. "To protect ourselves and our jobs. We almost got caught by Donnelly, and now I'm going to have to come up with some explanation to Elliot. We can't keep doing this."

Alex took a deep breath. Part of her knew Olivia was right, but she didn't want to hear it.

"Listen, Alex, I'm sorry about last night," Olivia said. "It's just, I'm afraid some day, I'm going to hurt you. That I'm going to be too rough."

"Are you kidding?" Alex said. "You're the most gentle lover I've ever been with. Listen, Liv, if we need to be more careful, set more rules, then I'm okay with that. Just don't push me away."

"That's not it, Alex," Olivia said. "I just don't know if we can, or should, keep doing this...this arrangement. It's not smart, and you were right, we've stopped being friends. All we do is fight."

"So, you're saying you want us to stop sleeping together?" Alex asked, just to make sure she understood.

"Yes," Olivia said. "We can't sleep together anymore. It doesn't work. I'm sorry."

Alex took a deep breath again. For someone she was just having sex with, this hurt a lot more than she anticipated. It's not like it could go on forever. It had to end at some point, right?

"Yeah, you're right," Alex said. "This is for the best." She got up and walked toward the door of the crib, turning around just once to give Olivia a smile.

"Goodbye, Liv."

"Goodbye, Alex."

* * *

A/N: Oh, don't kill me! :) But we have to have some drama in here somewhere, right? I'm going to tackle Protection next. Don't worry, I'll keep up with the episodic one-shots and they'll find their way back.

Thanks again for reading and the reviews.


	7. Diaper Duty

A/N: So, this drifts from the first several chapters. Think A/U where Alex and Olivia are in an established relationship, somewhere around early Season 17, and in the Noah Universe. Chely99 asked for a Noah story, so I'm fulfilling that request :)

I plan to come back to the one-shot world I started here, but since I kept saying I wanted to change up the timeline, I decided to finally do it. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DIAPER DUTY**

Olivia was hurriedly getting Noah in his pajamas and had just hung up the phone with Lucy when Alex knocked on her apartment door.

"Alex," Olivia said, quickly answering it and leaning in for a quick kiss. "I was just getting ready to call you. I'm afraid we'll have to cancel our plans tonight. I just got called in, and Lucy is on her way over here. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be silly, Liv," Alex said. "I understand. In fact, why don't you call Lucy back and tell her not to come? I'll watch Noah. I can have my movie date with him instead of you."

Olivia looked at her girlfriend curiously. Alex had been around Noah plenty, but she had never babysat, or even offered, for that matter, in the few months since they had begun dating again.

"Are you sure, Alex?" Olivia said. "I mean, he can be a handful."

"Do you not trust me, Liv?" Alex asked with a grin.

"Of course, I trust you," Olivia said. "It's Noah I don't trust."

"I don't mind at all," Alex said. "Now, call Lucy, and get down to the station. I can handle it."

Olivia did as she was told. She kissed Noah goodbye and made a quick phone call to Lucy, who was relieved to still have the night off.

"If you need anything, please call," Olivia said. "All the emergency information is on the fridge. If you can't reach me, you can call Lucy."

"Olivia, I know," Alex said. "Now go." She kissed Olivia and pushed her out the door before returning to where Noah was playing in the living room.

She put in _Frozen_ for them to watch. She knew it was one of his favorite movies, but she had to admit, she enjoyed it herself as well. She put him some milk in his sippy cup while she grabbed a glass of wine for herself and they made a spot in front of the couch for the movie.

About 30 minutes into the movie, Noah began to get restless and wanted to get up and run around. At first, Alex let him, watching to make sure he didn't get into anything. Then he started pulling books off the shelf.

"Noah, honey, please don't do that," Alex said. "Your momma won't like it."

He just laughed and ran back over to the couch, where he knocked over Alex's glass of wine.

"Shit!" she said. Thank God it was only white wine. Alex ran to the kitchen to get some towels.

"Shit!" she heard him say from the living room.

"Oh, no no no no, Noah," Alex said. "Don't say that word."

"Shit!" he said again. Alex rolled her eyes and went back to cleaning up the wine spill.

Next, he managed to get the lid off his sippy cup and dumped the milk down his chest right about the time Alex finished cleaning up his last mess.

"Good grief," Alex muttered. "Come here, Noah. We'll have to get you out of those clothes." He didn't seem to like being wet from the milk, so he complied with her request for once that evening.

She took his clothes off and pulled some clean pajamas from his dresser. She got a rag to wipe him down and realized the milk spill went into his diaper.

"I guess we'll have to change that, too," she said out loud, laying Noah on the changing table and pulling a clean one from the drawer. Alex had changed diapers before, but not a lot in her days. This was the first time she had changed Noah's diaper. But she figured if she and Olivia were going to be together, she needed to get used to these things.

She pulled the old, wet diaper off and grabbed a wet wipe to clean the spilled milk. She then put the clean diaper under him, but before she could finish getting it on, he began to pee.

"What the -," Alex stopped herself that time, remembering Noah repeating the last curse word she said. Now, she was covered in pee, after cleaning up books, wine, and milk.

Noah just kept laughing, as if he somehow saw the tortured state of his mother's girlfriend and was enjoying it.

Alex grabbed a second diaper, quickly cleaning Noah again, and putting the diaper on before he could cause any more trouble. She looked at the time and saw that it was close to his bedtime, so she took him to the bed to read a bedtime story.

For the first time all night, Noah had finally calmed down, and it didn't take too long for him to fall fast asleep.

Alex went to the bathroom to change out of her pee stained shirt and clean up, grabbing one of Liv's old t-shirts in the process. She went back to the living room and began to tidy the bookshelf and finished cleaning up the milk and wine spots on the floor.

By the time she had finished and poured herself another glass of wine, Olivia came through the door, seeing an exhausted and disheveled Alex.

"Uh oh," Olivia said. "I know that look."

"What look?" Alex asked. She hadn't planned to mention anything to Olivia aside from the spilled wine.

"It's the look of someone who went 10 rounds with a toddler and lost," Olivia laughed. "You can't fool me, Alex. I've been there."

Alex laughed and filled her girlfriend in on her eventful evening, which made Olivia laugh.

"Olivia, I don't find getting peed on very funny," Alex said.

"Oh, you will eventually, trust me," Olivia said. "Lesson number one to changing a boy's diaper: always, always, always cover his penis with the new diaper. The one time you don't is when you'll get peed on. I've been there."

"Yeah, that information would have been useful to have on the fridge notes," Alex teased.

"Well, I promise you this, you'll never forget it," Olivia said. "Next time you change his diaper, you'll be more prepared."

"Oh, you think I'm changing another diaper?" Alex said.

"Well, I, uh, I didn't mean you had to, I just thought that, uh, I don't know," Olivia stumbled.

"Relax, Liv," Alex said, laughing. "Of course, I plan to change his diaper again. I am hoping tonight was the first of many. And who knows, maybe in the future we'll have even more diapers to change."

Olivia smiled. It was exactly what she wanted to hear. They had only been back together a few months, after many years apart, however, with their history, things didn't feel rushed. Things felt just right, and she was happy that Alex felt the same way she did.

"Good," Olivia said. "I'm glad you feel that way." She leaned in and pulled Alex in for a kiss, deepening it ever slightly.

"Is Noah asleep?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He sure is," Alex said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, since we didn't get our movie date night, I had some other ideas in mind," Olivia said. "But it would require moving this date of ours to the bedroom."

"Lead the way, Lieutenant," Alex smiled, following Olivia to the bedroom.


	8. Protection

A/N: Okay, back to the current storyline. Glad you all like the Noah one-shot in the middle. Still open to suggestions. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am grateful everytime I see them.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: PROTECTION 3.12**

It had been nearly two months since Olivia had broken things off with Alex. Things were awkward at first, but Olivia knew it had been the right decision, and they finally were getting back to a normal routine at work. She remembered the reason they had broken things off - they had stopped being friends. Yet, still, they hadn't been able to get that back yet.

Olivia had to talk herself into it, but she finally picked up her phone and made the call.

"Cabot," Alex said.

"Alex, it's Olivia," she said. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow night. You know, as friends."

They were in the middle of a case that started with a boy being abandoned at the hospital and were currently trying to protect his mother and brother from the mother's ex-boyfriend. It had been emotional all of them, and they still hadn't gotten everything they needed on Fredo. Olivia thought it would be a good chance for her and Alex to relax.

"Oh, um," Alex said.

"You don't have to," Olivia said, suddenly doubting her invitation. "I just thought, you know, we haven't really spent any time together since..."

"No, I'd love to," Alex said, cutting her off. "I miss you. I mean, uh, our friendship, so this is a good first step."

Olivia let out a breath. She hadn't realized that she hadn't breathed since Alex began talking.

"Okay, good," she said. "How's 7?"

"I'll see you then," Alex said. "I mean, I suppose I'll see you before, but I'll be there."

That evening, Maria, their witness, had royally screwed up their case. She had slipped her protective detail, bought a gun on the street, and shot Fredo in the leg. She claimed it was self-defense, but the next morning, Alex wasn't hearing any of it.

"Alex, it was self defense!" Olivia shouted when Cragen told her Alex wanted to charge Maria was attempted murder.

"No, it wasn't," Alex said. "Fredo's gun was two rooms away. It's our job to follow the law."

It was a heated argument and for once, Cragen let them go at it. Of course, that was probably because he strongly agreed with Olivia and knew that she could do a better job at getting through to Alex, even if it involved getting in her face and yelling.

Alex was so stubborn, Olivia thought. When she left Cragen's office, it looked like Olivia had gotten through to her, but Olivia wasn't sure just yet. Alex just walked out without saying what she was going to do. Olivia was pissed because she knew Maria was defending herself. She believed that her life, and her one living son's, life was in danger. They had walked her straight into the situation and still hadn't been able to fully protect her.

The look exchanged between the women before Alex left said exactly what Olivia wanted to say, dinner was off the table.

That's why, when someone knocked on her door that night at 7 o'clock, Olivia was shocked to see it was Alex.

"Counselor," Olivia said, coldly as she opened the door. "What can I do for you?" Olivia didn't move from the doorway to allow Alex to enter.

"I thought we had a dinner date," Alex said with a cocky smile.

"Are you serious?" Olivia said. She couldn't believe the balls of Alex, showing up here after their fight just a few short hours ago. Still, she moved out of the way to let Alex come in. "I shouldn't have to say this, but you're not exactly on the list of people I want to see right now."

Alex sighed. "Liv, please, can we leave work at work for tonight?"

"I didn't cook anything," Olivia said.

"We can order take-out," Alex said.

"I just don't understand how you could consider charging Maria with attempted murder," Olivia said.

"So, I guess we aren't leaving work at work," Alex said. "Listen, Olivia, I'm as sympathetic as you are, but the law is the law."

"The law is gray and blurred," Olivia said. "You blur it all the time when it suits you."

Alex clenched her jaw to keep her anger in check. "Attempted murder is not gray. Besides, my bosses will never let me get by with not charging her with something."

"Then plead her down to assault, Alex! This is bullshit, and you know it."

"You know what, coming here was a mistake," Alex said, moving toward the door.

"Oh, yes, there is the Cabot we know. Retreating when it gets tough."

"Excuse me?" Alex said.

"It's easy for you, isn't it? You can always blame your boss or walk away back to the DA's office when things get tough. Let the victims be out of sight, and out of mind," Olivia said. She was intentionally hurtful, and she knew it. She also knew what she was saying wasn't true.

"Who is full of bullshit now? Don't you dare question how much I care about our victims," Alex shot back. "Besides, the only person in the room that leaves when things get tough is you."

"Oh, so this is about us?" Olivia said.

"What us? I was under the impression from you there wasn't an us," Alex said. "It was just sex, isn't that what you said?"

"Alex, this isn't about our relationship, whatever it was," Olivia said.

"Isn't it?" Alex asked.

Olivia was silent.

"I mean, you said you wanted to be friends, Olivia. We couldn't keep doing what we were doing because we weren't friends anymore. Which was true, but from the looks of it now, we don't have either anymore," Alex said.

"Yeah, and I haven't seen you make any effort in the past two months," Olivia said. "I invited you for dinner, remember?"

"You're right," Alex said, in a quieter tone than either had used in several minutes. "I haven't made enough effort. I'm sorry. It's just...I guess it was harder on me than maybe it should have been. I was hurt."

"Alex, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you," Olivia said.

"No, it's not your fault," Alex said. "I'm the one that broke the rule about feelings."

Olivia swallowed hard. She wasn't the only one who had broken that rule. It had been hard on her, too.

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"No, Liv, it's okay," Alex said. "You were right to break things off."

Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She lunged toward Alex, taking her face in her hands, and kissed her. Alex pulled back after a moment, in complete shock. However, after seeing the hunger in Olivia's eyes, she kissed Olivia back.

It didn't take long for Olivia's hands to find their way under Alex's shirt and Alex's hands to begin to undo Olivia's belt. Olivia moved her mouth down to Alex's neck.

"This is a terrible idea," Alex mumbled.

"Do you want me to stop?" Olivia asked between kisses on Alex's neck, though, she already knew the answer.

"No. God, please don't stop," Alex said. With those words, Olivia moved her hands down to the bottom of Alex's blouse and pulled it over her head, pushing her down on the couch.

"Oh, Liv, I've missed you so much," Alex said. Olivia was fumbling with getting Alex's pants off, with the limited space on the couch.

"Bed," Olivia mumbled.

The two women spend the next couple of hours making up for their lost time, losing themselves in each other's bodies. They reconnected like long-lost lovers, even though it had only been a couple of months. Olivia's body literally ached for Alex's touch, and it didn't take much to send her over the edge, multiple times that night.

Finally, Alex leaned over and kissed Olivia.

"Thanks for tonight," she said. "Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow and talk?" She began to get out of the bed and Olivia realized she was leaving, per their rules.

"Wait," Olivia said, reaching out to grab Alex's arm before she fully got up.

Alex turned back around to see a pleading look on Olivia's face.

"Stay."


	9. Protection - Part 2

A/N: This is what happens when your visiting family and they are gone all day...multiple updates! Thanks for reading and for the reviews.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: PROTECTION 3.12 - PART 2**

" _Stay."_

Alex climbed back into the bed with Olivia, hoping that she had heard Olivia correctly when she asked her to stay. She laid next to the brunette as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and pulled her closer.

When they woke up the next morning, she was still in Olivia's arms and had to admit that it felt good waking up next to the brunette. It was certainly better than the last time when they were almost busted by Liz Donnelly.

Alex knew she needed to leave so she could make it back to her apartment to shower and change before work, but something about watching Olivia sleep made it hard for her to move.

"I know you're watching me," Olivia mumbled, eyes still closed. "It's kind of creepy."

Alex just smiled and planted a kiss on Olivia's lips.

"Good morning," she said.

Olivia opened her eyes and smiled back. "Good morning."

"I hate to run, but -," Alex started.

"I know, you have to go," Olivia said. "Did you mean it when you told me you wanted us to have dinner and talk tonight?"

"Yes," Alex said as she rolled out of bed and began picking up her clothes. "And I promise I'll actually have food, unlike someone else." She laughed as her stomach growled. She remembered they never got around to ordering dinner last night. She would definitely need to pick up breakfast on the way.

"For what it's worth," Alex continued, "I'm going to talk to my boss today and see if we can get Maria and her son relocated if she'll be a witness for the State against Fredo."

"What changed your mind?" Olivia asked, surprised by the change in opinion since last night.

"Well, if SVU all agrees on this, then I should trust my team...and my gut," Alex said. "No promises that he'll go for it, but I'll fight for her."

She quickly leaned back over the bed and gave one last kiss to a smiling Olivia. "I'll see you later."

#

Olivia was at her desk when Alex came walking into the squad room to share the news. Her boss agreed not to charge Maria with attempted murder in exchange for her testimony against Fredo. She looked up at Alex, and the two of them exchanged a knowing glance and smile before Alex left and instructed them to meet her and Maria at the bus station later that day.

"What was that about?" Elliot asked.

"What?" Olivia said, looking up from the paperwork on her desk.

"You and Cabot," he nodded toward where Alex had just been standing. "I mean, yesterday you were in each other's faces, screaming at each other. In fact, you two have barely said two words to each other aside from work for a couple of months."

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know, El," she said. "Why are you complaining? She did what we wanted with Maria anyway."

"Yeah, I'm just wondering what changed her mind," he said.

"You'd have to ask her," Olivia said. "Come on, let's grab lunch before we go to the bus station."

Olivia and Elliot grabbed lunch at a nearby sandwich shop and met Alex, Maria, and her son at the station to see them off before returning to the precinct to finish up paperwork for the case.

Olivia showed up at Alex's apartment at 7 o'clock feeling a bit uncertain about where they were supposed to go from here. She didn't plan to ask Alex to stay, but she also hadn't planned on kissing her either. She did care for Alex, and had to admit that she hadn't been satisfied with their prior relationship with all the "rules," however she was afraid. Mostly because she couldn't fathom how someone like Alex Cabot would want to be with her. How someone like Alex Cabot could risk her career and her future to be with her. It didn't make sense to her, but little about Alex did make sense to her.

"Liv, you're right on time," Alex said, giving Olivia a quick kiss as she came through the door. "I just pulled dinner out of the oven."

"You cook?" Olivia asked, trying to hide her shock.

"Yes, I can cook," Alex said. "Well, at least three meals. One of which is chicken parmesan, which we're having tonight."

"You never cease to amaze me," Olivia smiled. "Which one of your house servants growing up taught you that?" She couldn't resist a jab at the blonde ADA.

"Oh, very funny, Olivia," Alex said. "I'll have you know my mother taught me this recipe. She also taught me how to call for take-out, but that's beside the point. But any more jokes like that and you won't have the pleasure of tasting my chicken parmesan."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Olivia said. "Besides, I'm hungry. Someone interrupted my dinner last night."

"Olivia," Alex warned.

"How about I pour us some wine and set the table?" Olivia offered before she got into any more trouble.

"That may be the smartest thing you've said all night," Alex teased. "Plates are up there, and the wine is on the counter." She nodded toward the white cupboards to Olivia's right.

After dinner, Olivia insisted on clearing the table and loading the dishwasher while Alex put on some soft music and took their wine glasses to the living room couch.

Olivia joined her a few minutes later.

"Dinner was fabulous, Alex," Olivia said. "You'll have to teach me how to make that sometime."

"Oh, so no jokes now about my cooking skills, huh?" Alex said, giving Olivia a teasing smile.

"No, I don't have complaints about _any_ of your skills," she said, leaning in to kiss Alex gentle on the lips. She wanted to kiss her more passionately, and avoid the subject that she knew they needed to talk about, but she decided against it. Alex deserved for her to open up for once.

"So," Olivia continued. "We were going to talk tonight." Olivia was sure not to word it in a way that made it seem like she was only doing this because Alex wanted to. As much as Olivia didn't want to do it, she knew they needed to.

"What are we doing, Liv? What is it that you want? I mean, a couple months ago it was just sex, and then yesterday we have a horrible fight, end up in bed, and you ask me to spend the night. What gives? You don't get to keep jerking me around." Alex said.

Olivia was certain that Alex had practiced this speech, probably like one of her opening or closing statements in court. Olivia was also certain she was no match for the ADA when it came to knowing exactly what to say and how to say it.

"Well, I don't know that I can fully answer that, but I can tell you how I feel," Olivia said.

Alex nodded for her to continue.

"You said that our break-up, or whatever it was, was hard on you; that you had developed feelings," Olivia said. "You're not the only one, Alex. I care about you, too. And I only did that because I was trying to protect both of us from what would happen if anyone were to find out. I mean, I know it was selfish, but I guess sometimes I put rules in place to protect myself."

Alex was silent, so Olivia kept talking.

"What I'm trying to say is, I know that I enjoy being with you, and I don't just mean sexually. I mean, I missed us, our friendship, when we were apart. I missed fighting with you at the office, but knowing that all would be forgiven outside of work. I don't know how this works, for either of us, but I'd like to try it the right way this time. That is if you still want to."

"Oh, Liv," Alex said. Olivia could tell she was holding back tears. "I do care about you, and I want the same things. And you're right, I don't know how this works either. I mean, on one hand, we could disclose, but it would screw things up at work. On the other, maybe we take it slow, see if we have what it takes for the long haul. Of course, we'll have to be careful, but we don't have to obsess over all the rules this time. I mean, waking up in your arms this morning was great. And I'd like to do that more often."

"How about tomorrow morning?" Olivia said with a smirk.

Alex returned the smile. "Definitely tomorrow morning."

They got up to walk to the bedroom, but Olivia stopped her at the door.

"I really mean it, Alex," Olivia said. "I want this to work, and I promise to be better about talking to you from now on."

Alex smiled and leaned in to kiss her detective. Neither woman knew what would be in store for them, but they were hopefully for the future.


	10. Counterfeit

A/N: Guit will be coming up soon, but probably not next yet. I did like the double date idea though...and yes, still taking ideas/suggestions.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: COUNTERFEIT**

"You know, Liv, that's a really nice dress," Alex said with a grin.

"Thanks, Alex, but you've mentioned that already about half a dozen times tonight," Olivia smiled.

They finally got up the courage to go out on a real date. Not dinner and a movie at one of their apartments, or casually grabbing dinner after work. No, this was a date and Olivia had been looking forward to it all week. She was dressed in a short black dress that glittered when she walked. It was a stark contrast to the low-cut, long, red dress Alex was wearing.

Olivia made sure she chose a nice enough place for them to dress up, but still low-key enough that they could have discretion and privacy. Even if they were giving their relationship a go, it was still early, and they weren't ready for the world, or their bosses, to know about it.

The waiter came and brought their entrees. The salmon for Olivia. The eggplant cannelloni for Alex. They were one drink each into their bottle of wine when Olivia's phone began to ring.

"I swear to God, if that is Stabler, I'm going to kill him," Alex said. "I thought you had the weekend off."

"I do," Olivia said. "Maybe it's nothing. _Benson."_

" _Liv, it's Fin. We got a body and Cap said to call you. Munch is out sick," Fin said through the phone._ Alex could tell by the look on Olivia's face that it wasn't good news.

" _I'll be right there,_ " she said and closed her phone. "I'm so sorry. That was Fin. Munch is apparently sick."

"Remind me to kill him next week," Alex said. "We finally go out on a real date, you're wearing _that_ dress, and you're just going to up and leave me."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Olivia said, as she stood and leaned down to kiss Alex on the cheek. "Downfalls of dating a cop."

"Go," Alex said. "I'll have the waiter pack up our food and take a cab home. Call me later."

#

The case was a rape/homicide that didn't provide many leads until another victim who escaped her attacker, came forward claiming she was raped by a cop.

After three days, they knew who their guy was, and they knew where he was. The problem was he still had a victim.

"Captain, let's put him under surveillance," Olivia said, looking toward Cragen and Alex. "He'll lead us to the victim."

"Too risky. If you lose him, he could snatch another victim. Pick him up," Alex said.

"A guy like this isn't going to confess," Olivia said, looking toward Cragen for backup.

"We'll put someone on his apartment in case he goes there," Cragen said. "In the meantime, head to the park. If he's working, pick him up."

Sure enough, he was in the park, at work and picking up trash. Olivia and Fin sat on a park bench and watched him for a few minutes. Olivia pulled out her cell phone.

"Who you calling?" Fin asked.

" _Munch. Tell Captain and Cabot he's not here," Olivia said._

"You know, if this goes south, we're back in uniforms," Fin said, surprised by Olivia's defiance of the Captain's orders.

"And if we don't try, Francesca is dead," she said.

"You don't know someone until you work with them," Fin said, giving Olivia a smirk.

They sat on the perp until he left and followed him to a cop bar, setting a trap that would force his hand to take care of his victim, leading them straight to her.

Their plan worked. They arrested the perp and rescued Francesca. All in a day's work...except for the fact that they disobeyed direct orders to do it.

When Olivia returned home that night, after getting chewed out by Cragen, Alex was waiting by her apartment building and followed her upstairs. She knew Alex wasn't happy.

"Tell Captain and Cabot he's not here," Alex said. "That's what you told Munch."

"He wasn't," Olivia lied. "We saw him after that and followed him to pick him up like you asked."

"Bullshit, Olivia," Alex said. "That story you and Fin concocted didn't work with Cragen and it sure as hell isn't going to work with me."

"Whatever, Alex," Olivia said. "A serial rapist is off the street. You're welcome, by the way."

"Don't get that attitude with me, Liv," Alex said. "You disobeyed a direct order from Cragen and me. You don't get to pretend to be the hero just because things happened to work out the way you hoped."

"And if we hadn't, Francesca would probably be dead right now...or still missing," Olivia said. "Did you forget about the victim while you were thinking about worried about your own ass?"

Alex's eyes narrowed on Olivia. Her icy stare said everything she wasn't at that moment, and Olivia realized she was on thin ice.

"Listen, Alex," she said. "Yes, we took a risk, and yes, it could have gone south, but it didn't. Fin and I are good detectives. We knew what we were doing, and our instinct said he would go check on the victim."

Alex relaxed at the change in Olivia's tone. They were finally talking. "Liv, I don't doubt your abilities to do your job. I know you're good at it. But it was a risk and had something went wrong; it wouldn't have just been you and Fin that faced the consequences."

Olivia finally sat down and sighed. "This is always going to be a problem for us, isn't it?"

"What?" Alex said.

"Work. Disagreeing over cases. Having to keep us a secret. We're never going to be able to do this like normal people, are we?" Olivia said.

"Well, we don't have normal jobs," Alex said. "So, I don't know. I mean, at some point, I guess we'll have to make decisions about our futures. But honestly, I'm not ready to do that."

"Neither am I," Olivia said. "I just don't see how this works."

"Don't do this, Olivia," Alex said. "Don't push me away just when we got this back."

"I'm not pushing you away," Olivia said. "I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. I'm just sharing with you that this is hard at times, especially when our jobs put us at odds with each other. Neither of us leaves our jobs at the office. I mean, isn't it ironic that we bring our work home with us all the time, but we can't ever bring our personal lives to work."

Alex closed her eyes and sighed, tilting her head on the back of the couch.

"Come here," Olivia said. She reached out for Alex and pulled her toward her and wrapped her arms around her. "We'll figure this out. And right now, there is no other place I would rather be."

Alex gave her a small smile and closed her eyes again, wishing they could stay like this forever - her in Olivia's arms.


	11. Conviction - Part 1

A/N: I was getting stuck in my current storyline, so I wanted to get out of it for a bit. I'll go back, though. This is going to kick off a 2 or 3 chapter "Conviction" arch. As for what is coming next, if you've listened to "Hamilton" (which Mariska is obsessed with) think of "Say No To This." Thanks for reading!

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONVICTION**

Olivia sat alone in her quiet apartment on the couch, with just a single lamp on. She looked at the three empty beer bottles in front of her before she opened another. Today was the day she had been waiting on, but somehow, it didn't go the way she anticipated.

Alex was back.

 _Olivia had found out that day through the courthouse grapevine. When she asked Casey about it later in the day, Casey admitted that she had known for two weeks. She didn't mention it because she had seen the look of hurt on Olivia's face when she left without saying goodbye after the Connors trial. There was something more to it, and Casey didn't know what it was, but she knew Alex being back without contacting Olivia would only bring more hurt to her friend._

 _After Olivia walked out of her office that day on her way home, Casey picked up the phone and made a phone call._

" _Cabot."_

" _Alex, it's Casey Novak, from SVU," Casey said._

" _Casey, what's wrong?" Alex said._

" _You mean besides the fact that you haven't bothered to contact your old squad since you got back?" Casey said._

" _Casey...I don't think this is of any concern of yours," Alex said._

" _You're right, it's probably not," Casey said. "But I'm just giving you a heads up that they know that you are back, and let's just say, I wouldn't want to be you right now."_

 _Casey didn't wait for a response. She just hung up the phone. She respected Alex's work as an ADA, even if it was hard to live up to. She had respected her as a person, even after she disappeared after the Connors trial. She knew she couldn't understand what Alex had been through, and what she was feeling. But she was back now. And not just back in New York, but back at the DA's office. Even if the memories were hard for her, her old squad had deserved to know she was coming back. But she hadn't called. Casey waited for two weeks after she found out. She was hoping Olivia or Elliot would say something. She even casually dropped Alex's name a few times, hoping they would take the bait if they knew. But they didn't know._

 _She had planned to tell them, but Olivia found out before she had a chance. Of course, Olivia didn't say anything. Typical, Olivia. Even if her words didn't say it, Casey saw the hurt on Olivia's face...again._

#

Alex was back - had been back for weeks - and didn't call her. She didn't even drop by SVU to let the entire squad know. Things obviously changed when she went to Witness Protection, but they were still friends, weren't they?

Olivia chugged her beer. She knew she should stop soon, but she was still hurting. The alcohol didn't seem to be working tonight.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

Olivia got up from the couch and went to the door. She had a feeling who was on the other side. She knew Casey well enough to know that she had probably called Alex. Casey was a good friend, but for once, she was hoping she was wrong, and it wasn't Alex knocking on her door.

She opened the and there she was. Alex Cabot in all her glory, standing in her door, smiling like she had done hundreds of times before. Olivia moved out of the way, not saying a word, but allowing Alex to come in.

"I guess you heard," Alex said, quietly.

"I don't think you would be here if you didn't already know that," Olivia said. "I take it Casey called you?"

Alex nodded. She was still standing with her jacket on. Olivia watched as Alex's eyes diverted to the empty beer bottles on the table.

"Do you want a drink?" Olivia asked.

"No," Alex said. "It seems like you've had enough for both of us."

"Well, don't worry, Counselor, Eric Plummer is dead," Olivia snapped.

"Olivia," Alex warned. She finally sat down on the living room chair. "I know you're upset, and I know that I owe you some explanation."

"No, you don't," Olivia said. "I think your actions gave me all the explanation I needed." She opened another beer, took a drink, and began picking at the labels like she did when she was nervous.

"I was hoping we could be friends again," Alex said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Friends. Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," Alex said.

"Yeah, me, too," Olivia said with an icy glare. "How long?"

"Two months."

"You've been back for two months?!" Olivia asked. She had known it had been a few weeks, but two months? She couldn't believe the nerve of Alex.

Alex just hung her head. It had been a little over two months, actually. But she had only been back at the DA's office about two weeks.

Olivia could see that Alex was hurting, too. She never liked to see that look in Alex's eyes.

"Alex, I would like us to be friends," Olivia said. "But I'm going to need some time to process."

Alex nodded and got up. She walked to the door, pausing before she opened it.

"It's good to see you, Liv," Alex said. "I've missed you."

Olivia nodded. "I'm glad you're back, Alex."

She was glad she was back, as much as it was hurting her at that moment.


	12. Conviction - Part 2

A/N: Okay, so the * part is from Hamilton. One more chapter of Conviction, then we'll go back to where we were in Season 3. I'm planning a little smut for the next chapter. You know I have a hard time writing, but I'll give it shot since we haven't had too much in this story.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONVICTION - PART 2**

It had been two months since Alex visited Olivia at her apartment. It had also been two months since Olivia had talked to the blonde. Alex called a couple of times, but Olivia never called her back.

Olivia had finally had enough. She couldn't ignore Alex being back in the city any longer, and if they were going to move on, she needed to make some effort. She picked up her phone and dialed Alex's number.

"Cabot," Alex answered.

"Alex, it's Olivia."

"Liv...it's good to hear from you," Alex said, unsure of what to expect from the brunette on the other line. "What can I do for you?"

"I know I haven't called you back. We've been busy, but anyway, I just thought maybe we could have dinner...if you want," Olivia said.

"Yeah," Alex said, failing to hide the surprise in her voice. "Uh, actually, why don't you come to my place and I'll pick up dinner. How about 7?"

"See you then," Olivia said and hung up the phone.

She quickly finished up work so she could go home and change. She didn't know what she expected from the evening. She did want them to rebuild their friendship more than anything else. She missed Alex.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Come in, Liv," Alex said, opening the door with a smile.

Olivia came in and joined Alex at the dinner table, where the food looked as if it was recently laid out.

"You didn't have to do all this, Alex," Olivia said. "We could have just gone out somewhere."

"It was no problem," Alex said. "And, I also wanted to talk to you about something."

"Alex, you don't need to explain anything to me," Olivia said. "I'd rather us just have a nice night catching up. We have plenty of time to work through all that other stuff."

"It's actually not about that," Alex said. "I've - I, uh, I've been seeing someone."

Olivia took a deep breath. It wasn't shocking to her. Alex was a beautiful woman. A beautiful, single, woman. It made sense she'd be seeing someone.

"That's great, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm happy for you."

"Really?" Alex said, not really believing Olivia's words.

"Well, I mean, I guess I can see why someone would want to date you. Why don't you tell me about them?" Olivia said, using "them" as a gender-neutral word, as she knew Alex had dated a man in WitSec.

"Okay," she paused. "His name is Robert. He's an investment banker on Wall Street. We've been seeing each other a couple of months. He's a good man."

Olivia just nodded. She wasn't sure what to say.

"I just wanted you to know," Alex said. "I know things with us ended, well, in a complicated manner."

"It's okay, Alex," Olivia said. "You don't owe me an explanation for that. It couldn't be helped." Olivia was playing it cool. She knew she had no right to dictate who Alex dated, but she had to admit she was disappointed by the news.

They finished their dinner while catching up on SVU and Alex's new assignment with the DA's office. Despite the tension in the room, their conversation was as easy and seamless as it always had been.

"More wine, Liv?" Alex asked. "I thought we could move this to the living room."

Olivia hesitated. _It's just two friends with a glass of wine. Get it together, Benson._ "Okay," she said and followed Alex to the couch.

"How does it feel, being back?" Olivia asked. She noticed something was different about Alex. She seemed harder. She supposed Alex had earned that more than anyone.

"It's been tough," Alex said. "It's hard to live life as someone else for years, and then come back and be expected to be the same person you were before. Some days I don't even feel like Alexandra Cabot anymore."

Olivia gave her a soft smile and nodded her head. Even if Alex felt like a different person, she was still beautiful, and Olivia could see part of the old Alex inside her.

"This helps, though," Alex said. "Being here, with you. I was scared. I mean, going back to my old life, seeing SVU. I felt like I wasn't ready to be that person again, and I don't know if I still am. But, I'm glad you called. And I'm glad you're here." Olivia could see Alex relaxing as she talked. She was starting to understand why Alex hadn't called when she got back.

"I'm glad I'm here, too. And I really am glad you're back," Olivia said. She reached for the wine bottle to pour more at the same time as Alex and their hands gently grazed each other.

Olivia quickly pulled her hand away and blushed slightly. She got up quickly.

"Actually, it's getting late, I should probably go," Olivia said.

Alex stood and grabbed Olivia's hand.

"Stay?"

Olivia opened her mouth and held her breath for what seemed like forever.

 _*Lord, show me how to say no to this._

 _I don't know how to say no to this._

 _But my God, she looks so helpless_

 _And her body's screaming, "Hell, yes."_

Suddenly, Alex's lips were on Olivia's, and she couldn't say no. She could never say no to Alex.

 _No, no, no. This is wrong._

Olivia kissed Alex back and, never removing her mouth from Alex's body; she followed Alex's lead to the bedroom.

The following morning, Olivia laid quietly on the bed until she heard Alex wake up.

"Good morning," Olivia said awkwardly.

"Good morning," Alex said, equally as awkward.

"What did we do, Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Wow, has it been so long for you that you forgot what that's called?" Alex joked.

"You know what I mean," Olivia said, clearly not in the mood for jokes.

"We did something that made us both feel better. At least it did me," Alex said. "But, to answer your real question, I don't know."

"So, we just let this be what it was," Olivia asked. "A beautiful night?"

"Something like that," Alex said. "But Liv, I still want us to be friends...even if we can't do this again."

Olivia nodded. "I want that, too."

 _Fuck, Olivia thought. This was going to be hard. I never knew how to say no to Alex Cabot, and I still don't._


	13. Conviction - Part 3

A/N: Okay, final part is up. I gave the smut a shot, so be warned if you don't like that stuff. As for the questions: I do see this as a stand alone, separate from our other storyline, since I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with that one yet. Also, I will definitely do Perverted/Turmoil stuff. In fact, this may tie in well to Turmoil events, but we'll see where we go. Also, I also hated the Conviction twist and not really explaining Alex's return.

I know the different storylines are confusing, since these were all meant to be one-shots. I'll try to preface them with background before posting. I guess I just wanted one place to do episodic one-shot fics, and it's hard not to connect them. I may pull some of this out into separate stories at some point, but for now, it will all stay here, in this one place.

Again, thanks so much for reading and for reviewing. I appreciate it all.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONVICTION - PART 3**

It had been three days since Olivia slept with Alex when she got a text from the blonde

 _ALEX: Do you want to have dinner tonight? As friends, of course._

 _OLIVIA: I don't know if I can tonight._

 _ALEX: What about tomorrow?_

Olivia sat quietly at her desk trying to think of a good excuse for why she couldn't go to dinner with Alex. Sure, she could lie and say she was working, but what if Alex asked questions about the case, or worse, what if she bumped into someone from SVU or Casey.

Elliot watched his partner as she stared at her phone.

"I know that look," he said.

"What look?" she replied, not even looking up at him.

"The look you get on your face when you're trying to lie your way out of something," Elliot said. "Who is the lucky guy getting his heart broken this time?"

Olivia rolled her eyes at him and snapped her phone shut. She got up from her desk and went to the crib.

"What did I say?" he shouted at her.

 _OLIVIA: Actually, tonight works. 7:00 at Mario's?_

 _ALEX: Can we make it 7:30?_

 _OLIVIA: Sure. I'll see you then._

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly for Olivia, and she could have been out of the squad room in record time. Stabler was picking up his jacket to head home and noticed his partner still sitting at her desk.

"You staying late?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I have plans later. Don't see the point of going home," she said.

"Is this your mystery date?" he asked. "Glad you decided to see him, but are you going in your work clothes? That doesn't seem very date-like."

"That's because it's not a date," she said, raising her eyebrows to him.

"I get it," he said. "You are going to break up with him. You just think your work clothes will keep you in cop-mode so you can make it quick and painless."

"You're an idiot," she said. "And it's not a date." Elliot just laughed and left the squad room for home.

Olivia hung around until she needed to leave for dinner. Elliot had been right about her clothes. She didn't want to change because she needed to remind herself it wasn't a date. And yes, her work clothes would remind her to stay focused on what was important: _She couldn't be with Alex because Alex was in a relationship. It wasn't who she was, and it wasn't who Alex was. Or at least, it wasn't who Alex used to be._

"Reservation under Cabot," Olivia said to the host when she arrived at the restaurant.

"Right this way," the host said and escorted her to where Alex was sitting wearing a royal blue dress that was probably a little too short for court, but not too revealing. But her eyes. _God, it brings out her eyes so much_ , Olivia thought because making herself turn those thoughts off.

"I feel a little underdress," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, I came straight from work."

"Nonsense, you look beautiful as usual," Alex said. "I wore this to work today. I didn't have court and had to do some political schmoozing, so you know."

Olivia didn't really know, as that wasn't her thing, but she smiled and nodded all the same.

The conversation was a little awkward but still flowed. They still had a lot of catching up to do, so there was plenty of safe conversation topics to keep Olivia distracted from Alex. Of course, none of it was working since every time she looked in Alex's eyes, she remembered the other night. She could tell by the glint in Alex's eyes that she did, too, and both of them knew by the time they finished their dinner, that they wouldn't be going home alone.

"Share a cab?" Alex asked when they left the restaurant. Olivia just nodded as she opened the door to a waiting cab.

Once they close the cab door, Alex propped her elbow up and Olivia's shoulder and turned to face her with the same look in her eyes as the other night. Olivia felt all the blood draining from her body.

 _Lord, show me how to say no to this._

 _I don't know how to say no to this._

 _But my God, she looks so helpless_

 _And her body's screaming, "Hell, yes."_

Before Olivia could speak, Alex was calling out an address to the cab driver. It was the address to Olivia's apartment, and before she had even processed it, Alex's lips were on her's for the second time that week.

Alex's hands quickly moved underneath Olivia's shirt, and she moved her mouth down to her neck, causing a moan from the brunette.

"Alex, I don't think..." Alex cut her off by reclaiming her lips and squeezing her breast. Olivia watched as Alex turned back ever so slightly toward the cab driver.

"I have an extra $50 if I don't catch you watching again," Alex said to the driver.

"Whatever you say, lady," he said and put his eyes back on the road.

"Olivia, I need your hands on me," Alex said. Olivia had been trying her best to keep it PG-13 in the cab, but the sound of Alex's voice turned her on more than she could control.

She moved her hand to Alex's thigh and slipped it underneath Alex's dress. _A garter belt and stockings. Of course._ As she moved her hand around behind Alex, to touch her ass, she realized, despite the garter belt, Alex wasn't wearing underwear.

Olivia's eyes widened, and Alex noticed.

"I slipped them off when I went to the ladies room before left," she whispered in Olivia's ear. "I thought I'd save you a little trouble."

Olivia immediately pulled Alex on top of her. Cab driver or not she was ready to take Alex right there.

"We're here," the cab driver said, just as Olivia was running her hand between Alex's thighs.

"Fuck," Alex muttered. She climbed off of Olivia and straightened out her dress before paying the cab driver and including his generous tip.

Once inside the building, the two women got into the elevator and was thankful it was empty.

"Cameras?" Alex asked.

"Nope," Olivia said and put her hand right back where it had been before the cab stopped. "Which means I have five floors to have my way with you."

Alex moaned as Olivia immediately put two fingers inside her. Normally, more foreplay would be in order, but she knew Alex was already wet and more than ready.

"You know, you're turning into a really good friend, Alex," Olivia whispered in Alex's ear before biting down gently on her neck.

Alex, for her part, couldn't speak in full sentences. All she could focus on was Olivia's fingers inside her and the thumb that kept circling her clit, only grazing it every now and then.

"Oh, God, Liv," she said right as the elevator dinged at Olivia's floor. Olivia pulled her fingers from Alex's pussy, and she whimpered the lost contact. Olivia' put her fingers in her mouth as Alex watched and licked them clean before pulling her apartment keys from her pocket.

As soon as the door was unlocked, Alex pushed Olivia inside and against the wall, close the door with her foot.

"You have on entirely too many clothes, detective," Alex said, pulling Olivia's shirt over her head. Olivia allowed her, but she wasn't done with Alex.

She dropped to her knees and spun Alex around with her back to the wall this time. She pushed Alex's dress up and grabbed her hips.

"I wasn't done with you, Counselor," she said before burying her mouth into Alex's core. She stiffened her tongue and moved it inside the blonde while she allowed one of her hands to move over, and her thumb to caress the skin around Alex's clit.

"Liv!" Alex was screaming. "God, Olivia!"

Olivia knew Alex was close to her peak, she wanted Alex to explode in her mouth, but she also knew Alex, and she knew she needed just a little more. She removed her tongue and licked Alex's slit before inserting two fingers. She moved her mouth back and began sucking and licking Alex's clit while she thrust her fingers inside of Alex. When she knew Alex was ready, she curled her fingers, putting just the right amount of pressure on Alex, and latched her mouth onto Alex.

"Fuck, Olivia! Liv! Liv! God, yes!"

Alex collapsed down the wall and into Olivia's arms.

"Jesus, Liv, how do you do that to me?" Alex asked once she caught her breath.

"You mean Robert doesn't?" Olivia asked. As soon as the words came out, she realized she shouldn't have said it. Alex's face turned to anger.

"Do you have to make this worse than it is?" Alex said, attempting to get up to leave.

"Wait, Alex, I didn't mean," Olivia said. She grabbed Alex and pulled her back down. "Shit. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry."

Alex sighed.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I want us to forget about everything else tonight, and just enjoy each other, okay?" Olivia said.

Alex sighed and gave her a half-smile.

"Stay?" Olivia asked.

#

Alex did stay. And over the course of the next months, she and Olivia tried to see each other a couple of times a week when their schedules fit. Olivia knew it was wrong, and she knew that it probably wouldn't last. After all, Alex was still was Robert. It was good for her political future, is what Alex told her. Olivia also wasn't in a hurry to rush back into a relationship with Alex. Even if she said she was over it and tried to understand, she was still hurt. She had loved Alex at one point, but she wasn't sure she trusted Alex not to hurt her again.

No, she and Alex were just sleeping together. Alex was a big girl who could make up her own decisions. If she wanted to cheat on Robert, that was Alex's issue, not hers.

Olivia took a long lunch break and found herself over at the Homicide Bureau Chief's office for the second time in two days. She had met Alex there last night. They were supposed to have had dinner, but Alex had to cancel last minute. So last minute that Olivia was already there to meet her.

" _You couldn't have called, Alex?" Olivia said. She had rushed out of work before finishing a report, knowing Casey would bitch at her later. "What's so important?"_

 _Alex sighed. "It's Robert. He has a client he wants to entertain tonight, and wanted me to be there."_

" _What, so he can show off his trophy girlfriend?" Olivia snapped._

" _He's my boyfriend, Olivia," Alex said. "And just where do you get off talking to me like that?"_

 _Olivia scowled at Alex and turned to walk away._

" _Don't you walk away from me!" Alex said and grabbed Olivia's arm._

 _Olivia's natural instinct was to turn the tables like it was a perp and before either of them realized it, she had both of Alex's wrist in her hands. The tension and heat between the two ladies was just too much. Olivia leaned in and passionately pushed her lips against Alex's, pushing her back against Alex's desk. They paused for only a moment to make sure they were both on the same page, and Olivia picked Alex up and put her on the desk, ripping Alex's shirt apart in the process. Alex grabbed her glasses and threw them beside her on the desk, leaning back and allowing Olivia to have full access to her._

Olivia was turned on just thinking about the incident the prior night. She had fantasized about fucking Alex on her desk many times, but she never thought it would happen. Even if Olivia had been game for it, the old Alex would never have gone for it.

They didn't speak much after it happened the prior night, as Alex had to change clothes and get to her dinner date with Robert. But it was understood that all was forgiven, or at least Olivia had hoped.

That's why she was here at Alex's office the following morning. To make sure everything was okay, and to offer to take Alex to lunch or dinner that night. She knew they probably needed to talk again about what they were doing, besides just having sex.

Alex looked surprised to see Olivia. They rarely saw each other in the workplace, so Alex put on her professional demeanor.

"Detective Benson, what a surprise," Alex said. Olivia shut the door behind her, and suddenly Alex got nervous. "What can I help you with?"

"I was hoping for an encore of last night," Olivia said, and Alex's face turned bright red and eyes widened.

"Relax, Alex," Olivia laughed. "I was only kidding. I was actually hoping I could take you to lunch today, or maybe dinner tonight since we had to cancel last night."

"Olivia," Alex said, slowly. "I can't."

"Okay, well maybe another day this week?" Olivia said.

Alex took a deep breath, knowing she needed to be honest with Olivia.

"Robert and I got engaged this morning over breakfast," Alex said, shifting her eyes between the floor and Olivia's eyes.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She just closed her mouth and cocked her head curiously at Alex.

"I'm so sorry, about all of this," Alex said.

"Don't be," Olivia said. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

With the bitterness still dripping from her curt words, Olivia turned and walked out of Alex's office, not even looking back and seeing the blue eyes watering behind her.


	14. Policeman's Ball

A/N: Back to our original storyline. Season 3, Pre-Guilt, as that is still coming. Here's the "double date" that someone asked for. Although, maybe not what you had in mind. I get the feeling Alex would be the jealous type (probably Liv, too).

As for the last chapter, I just meant it was the final of that Conviction arch. If you watched Conviction, you know the desk scene, followed by the engagement announcement actually happened with Alex and Jim Steele (I just decided to leave him out). So, yeah, it was cold-hearted of Alex, but in that weird world, it happened. I will tie that storyline in (and up) when I get to Season 10 (and specifically Turmoil).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: POLICEMAN'S BALL**

Olivia and Elliot sat at their desks, neck deep in stacks of paperwork, when Cragen walked by and dropped envelopes on each of their desks, as well as Fin and Munch's desk.

"What's this, Cap?" Elliot asked.

"You tickets to the Policeman's Ball next weekend," he said, continuing to walk to his office. "And I expect you all to attend."

"I forgot about that," Olivia said, while opening the envelope.

"Do we have to go to this every year?" Stabler complained.

"Yes," Cragen said. "SVU is considered one of the elite squads in the NYPD, so the brass likes to see your smiling faces."

"I don't know what you're complaining about, Elliot," Much said. "You and Kathy get to dress up and get a free meal and dancing on the NYPD. I mean, at least you have a date, unlike my partner here."

Fin just rolled his eyes. "You have a date?"

"I'll have you know I have plenty of options," Munch said.

"I still can't believe you talked four women into marrying you," Fin said.

Elliot looked over at Olivia, who was still looking at the tickets. "You going to take a date?"

"I don't know, El," she said. "Probably not."

"Oh come on, you'll be bored if you don't," he said. "What about Jones from the 2-7? He always perks up when you come around, and I'm fairly certain I've caught you checking him out before. Haven't you and him been out before?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows at her partner, showing her irritation at the conversation topic.

"I'm just saying, you don't want to share dancing partners with Kathy all night," he said.

"I'll think about it," Olivia said. She pulled another file off her stack, indicating she was done with their conversation.

Elliot had dropped the topic for the rest of the day, much to Olivia's surprise. She knew she needed to take someone, but she obviously couldn't take Alex as her date.

"Hey, you want to grab a drink and dinner on the way home?" Elliot asked when they had finally finished their day. "Kathy took the kids to some birthday party tonight, so I have a few hours off from dad duties."

Olivia looked at her watch. She didn't have any plans, and she knew Alex was working late.

"Sure, where are we going?" she said.

"Mahoney's?"

"A cop bar, of course," she said.

"What? We are cops," he smirked.

The food was shit, and Elliot knew it, but he did have a hidden agenda. He wasn't lying about the birthday party, but he definitely made it work to his advantage.

The two of them grabbed a table in the middle of the busy bar, and the server dropped off two beers for them. They made small talk for a while until Olivia saw Elliot's look up across the bar. She turned around just in time to see Erick Jones from the 2-7 standing right behind her.

"Stabler. Benson. Good to see you all," Jones said.

Olivia snapped her neck back around to her partner, realizing she had been set up. Elliot just smirked at her, proud of himself, but also knew he'd have hell to pay when they left.

"Jones, what a surprise," she said.

"Surprise? Hell, I practically live here," Jones laughed. "But you know, I don't see you around here nearly as much as I used to."

"I think I'm going to grab some more beers," Elliot said, getting up from the table. "Jones, you want another?"

"Sure, thanks, Stabler," Jones replied.

"So, Benson, you still look at good as ever," Jones smiled. "Where have you been? Don't tell me some guy has scooped you up. If so, tell me who, because I'd be willing to fight him." He laughed, and Olivia took a drink of her beer to give herself a moment to reply.

"There may be someone, but I'm not giving you any details," she said.

"Are we going to meet this mystery man at the Ball next weekend?" he asked.

"Oh, uh, no," she said. Jones gave her a curious look. "Out of town."

"That is a shame," he said. "But you're going, right?"

Olivia nodded.

"Well, if you want a date, I'm available," he said. "As a friend, of course."

"I don't know, Erick," she said, slipping and calling him by his first name.

"Come on, you know we'll have a good time. We always have," he said. "And, I'm a great dancer."

Olivia laughed. He was right. They always had a good time hanging out, and she did need to take a date. At least he was aware she was dating someone, and she trusted him enough not to make a move on her with that knowledge.

"Okay, fine," she said.

"That's the excitement I'm looking for," he said, looking up at Stabler, who just returned to the table.

"Who's excited?" Elliot asked.

"Your partner," Jones said. "She twisted my arm and convinced me to go to the Ball with her next weekend."

"In your dreams, Jones," Olivia laughed.

"Well, I can't say I haven't had dreams about you twisting my arms before," he said, winking and picking up his beer.

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to get back to my partner, but it was good to see you both," he said before leaving.

Elliot sat there staring at Olivia. He started to open his mouth to speak.

"Shut up, El," Olivia said.

The following night, Olivia and Alex had just finished dinner and were curled up on the couch. Olivia hadn't mentioned the Policeman's Ball, nor her date, to Alex yet, but she knew she needed to soon.

"You know the Policeman's Ball is coming up next week," Olivia said, trying to be casual.

"Yeah, Liz mentioned it today," Alex said. "In fact, she told me I had to go because the DA's office needed to be well represented. Are you going?"

"Yes," Olivia said. "Cragen said it was mandatory."

Alex sighed. "I wish we could go together, but..."

"I know," Olivia said, pulling Alex toward her so that the blonde was sitting between her legs and leaning back against the brunette. "I actually wanted to talk to you about that."

Alex turned her head and leaned it back so that she could see Olivia's face.

"I kind of got talked into going with someone...as a friend," Olivia said.

"What?" Alex said.

"Alex, I don't want to spend the entire evening alone, and I can't take you, so..." Olivia said.

"No, I get it," Alex said. "I don't have to like it, but I understand it."

"You know, you're probably going to have to take a date, too," Olivia said.

"Who are you going with?" Alex asked.

"Erick Jones from the 2-7," Olivia said. "I've known him for a while, and I told him I was seeing someone, so he knows I'm not available."

"Well, as long as he knows you are not available, I guess it's okay," Alex said. "Besides, I'll be there with my own date to keep an eye on this guy."

"Jealous, much?" Olivia teased.

"When it comes to you, extremely," Alex said, spinning around so that she was now facing Olivia, laying between her legs. Olivia slid down so Alex could lay on top of her. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and pressed their lips together.

"Maybe I'll take Trevor Langan," Alex said.

"Are you serious?" Olivia said. "Ugh."

"Who is jealous now?" Alex said.

"I'm not jealous; I just think he's a sleazeball attorney," Olivia said.

"Isn't that your opinion about all attorneys?" Alex said with a grin.

"All but one," Olivia said and kissed Alex again.

#

The following week passed quickly and before Olivia knew it, the weekend and the Policeman's Ball had arrived. Erick was picking her up at 6 pm. Alex had no trouble finding a date, and Olivia was happy it wasn't Trevor Langan. In fact, she had asked one of her openly gay male colleagues. If anyone was going to making Olivia feel safe for Alex to be on a date with, it was certainly Marc Andrews.

When Olivia and Erick arrived, she quickly scanned the room looking for Elliot and Kathy. They found them within a few minutes and found a seat by them.

"Wow, Liv, you look beautiful," Kathy said.

"Likewise," Olivia said. "Elliot is a lucky guy."

"Yeah, maybe you could remind him of that more often," Kathy laughed.

"Jones, do you want to go with me to get these ladies some drinks?" Elliot said. Erick nodded and walked off with Elliot.

"So, your date is very nice looking," Kathy said. "Elliot says you've been out with him before."

"Yeah, we have, but it's not like that," she said. "We're just friends."

"Well, that's too bad," Kathy said. "You make a cute couple. And the way he looks at you, I wouldn't be able to tell you were dating."

Olivia just sighed. It was going to be a long night.

After dinner, the dancing started. She had spotted Alex and her date earlier, the two women exchanging just a quick glance and smile. When she saw Alex head toward the dance floor, Olivia took Erick's hand and pulled him with her, positioning in where she could at least exchange some secret glances with Alex during the night.

Alex appeared to be having a good time, and that helped Olivia relax. If she were truthful, she was having a good time, too. Erick was funny but still intelligent enough to carry on a good conversation. He had also been a gentleman all night, making sure he kept everything platonic between them.

After a few more dances, Erick suggested they walk over to the drink table. They grabbed drinks and moved toward a corner of the room, Olivia still watching Alex.

Erick leaned into Olivia's ear and began to talk to her.

"So, I'm trying to be discreet here, but I have a pretty good idea who this mystery person is your dating," he said. She looked back at him curiously. "I mean, you've been staring at Andrews and his date in the hot red dress all night. I mean, God, Benson, you've barely been able to take your eyes off them. Now, since he's very obviously proud and gay, that only leaves one more option."

Olivia blushed.

"Out of town, my ass," he said. "You're dating Alex Cabot."

Olivia caught her breath, unsure of what to say. She could see Alex watching her right now, and her eyes seemed bit concerned.

"Don't worry, Olivia," he said. "You're secret is safe with me. Hell, I can't blame you. I'm sure there aren't many people in New York City, men or women, who would kick Cabot out of bed."

There were too many people standing near them for Olivia to feel comfortable having this conversation. She grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the hallway.

"Okay, yes, I'm dating Alex," she said, once she was sure they were alone. "But we haven't told anyone, and I would appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself."

"I told you, your secret is safe," he said. Olivia smiled knowing that she could place her trust in him. She didn't have a choice, but she knew she could trust him. She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, that wasn't quite as good as the last kiss you gave me, but I'll take it," he said.

They turned to go back into the ballroom and suddenly saw Alex standing there, watching them with an angry look on her face. She must have followed them when they disappeared. _How long was she standing there?_ Olivia thought.

Alex spun on her heels and went back to the ballroom, and to her date, who was talking to Elliot and Kathy.

"I'll give you a minute," Erick said. "I'm going to talk to some buddies."

Olivia joined the conversation in progress with Alex, Andres, Kathy, and Elliot.

"Hey, where did you and your hot 'friend' run off to and where is he now?" Kathy said when Olivia walked up.

"He went to talk to some friends," Oliva said, timidly, trying to get Alex to make eye contact with her.

Kathy turned to Alex. "I was telling Olivia earlier that they make a cute couple. She says he's just a friend, but I don't know, I could see it."

"Yeah, they do make a pretty believable couple," Alex said.

"Well, it's not like they haven't dated before," Elliot said. Olivia shot him a look while at the same time Alex gave the same look to Olivia.

"What?!" Alex said, before realizing the words had come out of her mouth.

Everyone stared at Alex and saw her glare toward Olivia.

"Alex, can I talk to you for a moment? About the trial we have next week?" Olivia said, trying to find an excuse to talk to her girlfriend, but knowing that no one standing in their circle was buying it after Alex's outburst.

"I don't think it's the place to discuss work, Olivia," Alex said.

"It'll only take a second," Olivia said, gently taking Alex's elbow and pulling her away. "Marc, I'll be right back with your date."

Olivia marched Alex to the hallway where she had been standing with Erick earlier.

"What the hell are you doing, Alex?" Olivia said.

"What am I doing?" Alex said. "Well, I'm not making out with my date in front of my girlfriend."

"Alex, I think you misunderstood what was happening," Olivia said. "I was talking to him because he realized we were dating because I couldn't take my eyes off you all night."

"And that required making out with him?"

"I kissed him on the cheek!" Olivia said.

"Then what exactly did he mean by 'your last kiss'?" Alex asked. "And what did Elliot mean when he said you've dated before?"

Olivia sighed. "He didn't mean the last kiss happened tonight. And yes, we went out a few times," Olivia admitted.

"And you didn't think it was relevant to mention your 'date' happened to be an ex-boyfriend?" Alex said.

"He wasn't a boyfriend," Olivia said. "It was a few dates. That's all. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Yeah, well, me, too," Alex said before turning from Olivia and walking back into the ballroom. Olivia followed after her.

"Alex!" she said, but it fell on deaf ears.

Alex found her date. "Marc, I'm sorry, but I'm ready to go. You can stay if you want and I can get a cab."

"No, it's okay," Marc said. "I'll take you."

Erick had joined the group just in time to see Alex storm out and Olivia's attempt to go after her. He grabbed her to stop her.

"Let her go, Liv," Erick said. "You've already drawn too much attention. Trust me. Let me take you home."

He was right. Their fight hadn't gone unnoticed. Cragen and Liz exchanged a glance. Of course, Liz had suspected the relationship for a long time, but tonight confirmed it for her. Even Munch and Fin and their dates had noticed the fight, and probably more than a handful of other cops and ADAs.

Olivia followed Erick out of the Ball and got into his car.

"Home?" he asked.

"Take me to Alex's," she said and gave him the address.

Erick nodded and did as he was asked. He dropped her off outside of Alex's apartment.

"Good luck," he said.

Olivia took the elevator up to Alex's apartment and knocked on the door.

"Go away," Alex said through the other side of the door.

"Alex, please, let's talk about this," Olivia said. "Open the door."

Olivia heard the door lock click, and the door opened slightly. Alex turned the handle and walked back to the couch where she had been with a bottle of wine since getting home.

"You can come in, but I don't want to talk to you," Alex said.

"Alex, you're overreacting. It's not what you think," Olivia said.

"Oh, so you're saying you didn't agree to go on a date to the Ball with someone you used to date, and not bother to mention that fact to your girlfriend?" Alex said.

"Alex, we went out like three times," Olivia said. "What, am I supposed to avoid anyone I've ever been on a single date with, and tell you every time I see one of them?"

"Of course not," Alex said. "But maybe you could mention it before you go on a date with them."

Olivia sighed. "Okay, I should have told you, but there was no reason for you to get upset. I mean, I'm pretty sure you just outed us in front of our co-workers."

"Oh, well, I'd hate for someone to know you're dating a woman," Alex said, bitterly.

"You know I don't care about that," Olivia snapped. "But you can bet there will be questions about our ability to work together after your little show tonight."

"I'll handle it, Olivia," Alex said. "Now, I'm going to bed. If you're staying, you can sleep on the couch."

"Can I at least change out of this dress?" Olivia said as Alex was stomping off to the bedroom.

Alex returned with sleeping clothes that Olivia kept at her place, as well as a pillow and blanket.

"You can't be serious, Alex," Olivia said, seeing the pillows and blanket.

Alex just stared at her, not backing down, before turning back to the bedroom. She shut the door behind her.


	15. Policeman's Ball - Part 2

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: POLICEMAN'S BALL - PART 2**

Olivia woke up early Sunday morning, still on Alex's couch after the their fight at the Policeman's Ball. She let out a sigh and let her eyes focus on the sun coming in through the window. Alex never closed her blinds in the living room. She was too high up for anyone to see in, and she liked the natural light. This morning though, Olivia wasn't a fan of the natural light peeking in to wake her up.

The apartment was still quiet. Alex was still sleeping and Olivia knew she needed to make things better with her girlfriend. She knew she had screw up. She knew she should have told her about Erick, but she was truthful that nothing was going on between them. She just wish Alex trusted her, but she also should have trusted Alex enough to tell her in the first place.

No, she couldn't screw this up. It was bad enough they had caused a scene in front of their colleagues last night, but on the homefront, she wanted to make it right and make it right quick.

She went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot, as she began to prepare breakfast. Breakfast in bed would be a good start. Olivia didn't cook a lot, but breakfast, she could do. She whipped up a cheese and avocado omelette - Alex's favorite. She cut up some strawberries and pour a mug of coffee, placing the plate of food and coffee on a tv tray.

She approached the bedroom door with caution. She hadn't considered that Alex may have locked the door last night, as she reached out to turn the handle. It opened. Olivia stopped in the doorway and took a moment appreciate the beauty of Alex sleeping. She had on a white tank top and was sleeping on her stomach, sprawled out across the bed. It was one of Alex's less endearing qualities - she was a bed hog. Olivia smiled at how innocent and calm Alex was sleeping; so different than she had been the prior night.

Olivia sat the tray down on the nightstand and sat on the side of the bed, placing a gentle hand on Alex's back. She leaned down and softly kissed the blonde's temple.

Alex slowly opened her eyes. "You're still here," Alex said, sleepily.

"Yes, and I made breakfast if you're interested," Olivia said, nodding toward the tray of food on the nightstand.

Alex rolled over and sat up in bed. "You didn't have to do this," she said.

"I know," Olivia said. "I wanted to. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you and how crazy I'd go without you. Alex, I never want to take you, take us, for granted."

Alex gave her a half-smile. Olivia grabbed the tray and put it on Alex's lap.

"Where is your breakfast?" Alex asked, after taking her first bite. "Mmm, this is good."

Olivia smiled. She was happy that Alex hadn't kicked her out.

"I already ate," Olivia said. "The first omelet turned into scrambled eggs by accident, so I ate that."

Alex continued eating, obviously enjoying the meal.

"I thought maybe we could go to the Whitney Museum today," Olivia said.

"Liv, I don't know," Alex said. Olivia saw the hesitation in the blonde.

"Alex, listen, we don't have to go if you don't want to go," Olivia said. "But I do want to make things up to you. You are right; I should have told you about Erick. I promise it won't happen again. Please give me a chance to show you how much I lo- I care about you."

Alex nodded. Olivia was sure Alex had heard her near slip and profession of love, but she was glad Alex didn't say anything. Olivia did love Alex, but she didn't want to tell her after a fight. She didn't want Alex to think it was just a response to saving her ass. No, when the time was right, she would tell Alex.

Olivia spent all Sunday afternoon with Alex. Visiting the Whitney. Going for a walk in the park. Taking her out to a nice dinner. By the time Monday morning came, she was fairly certain Alex had mostly forgiven her, but it didn't mean she hadn't taken Alex for granted.

When they woke Monday morning, they both knew they were probably going to have to answer for their actions at the Ball Saturday night.

Olivia walked into the squad room and could feel the eyes on her, even if no one actually looked up from her desk. She and Elliot went out on a call, and she was happy for the distraction.

"How was your weekend?" he asked once they were in the car.

"Elliot, I don't want to talk about it," she said.

"Okay, but you know people are going to have questions," he said. "I just thought you may want to work out your story before they do."

"There's no story," she said.

"So, I mention something about you dating Erick, and Alex snaps and storms off, with you chasing after her?" Elliot said. "I mean, I'm pretty clueless when it comes to women, but even I know what that looked like."

Olivia was silent, staring out the window.

"Look, you don't have to tell me," Elliot said. "It's your personal life, and hopefully, no one else heard the conversation leading up to Alex storming out. Just make sure you cover your ass."

When they returned to the precinct, Cragen's door was shut. Olivia had just sat down at her desk when Cragen popped his head out.

"Olivia, I need to see you in my office," he said.

"Nice knowing ya," Fin said.

Olivia got up and shared a glance with Elliot. When she got in Cragen's office, she was surprised to see Alex and Liz Donnelly sitting there. Olivia wasn't sure she had ever seen such a frightened face on Alex. She swallowed and took a deep breath before taking an open chair next to Alex.

"You two caused quite a scene Saturday night," Liz started, staring intently at both of them. She was sitting next to Cragen and across the desk from them.

They both sat silent.

"Listen, you two don't owe us an explanation, and honestly, I don't think I want one," Cragen said. "But I need know you two can work together and remain professional. If anything like that ever happens again, I'll be forced to put it in both your jackets and one or both of you could be transferred from this unit."

"Captain, I can explain," Olivia offered. "We just had a disagreement about politics and laws, and I made it personal. It was my fault. Don't blame Alex."

Alex looked at Olivia out of the side of her eyes, surprised by what Olivia was doing.

"That's your story, too? Political disagreements?" Liz asked Alex. Alex nodded.

"I get it," Cragen said. "I know you are both passionate people, and I've seen it boil over in here. But what happens in here is different than what happens in front of the brass. Make sure it stays private in the future, or better yet, make sure it doesn't happen."

Both Alex and Olivia nodded. They felt like children being scolded by their parents. They looked like it too with the shy and embarrassed look on their face.

"You're both dismissed," Cragen said. Both he and Liz followed them with their eyes as they walked out into the squad room, barely even looking at one other before Alex left the precinct.

Liz said goodbye to Cragen and walked out into the bullpen.

"Detective Benson, walk me to the elevator?" Liz asked.

Olivia got up and walked with the older woman.

"I'm not having this conversation with Alex because I know it would mortify and embarrass her even more, but you can cut the crap about a political argument," Liz said. Olivia looked at her curiously, cocking her head slightly at the comment.

"I know you were in Alex's apartment that morning I stopped by," she said. "I saw your badge in Alex's bathroom. And sure, there could be a number of reasons for you have had to stay over at Alex's place, but there're not that many reasons for her to hide that fact from me."

Olivia's face gave her away. They were busted.

"Listen, I see it. Once I figured it out, it was obvious. The way she looks at you. How protective you are of her. You love her, and I'm pretty sure she loves you," Liz said. "You're secret is safe with me because you're both damn good at your jobs, and make each other better. But, I'm going to say this one time: another incident like the other night, and you're not going to be able to keep your little secret much longer."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Liz cut her off.

"Also, I expect flowers on Alex's desk by the end of the day, and remember that you'll never with a fight with an attorney," Liz said. "Just don't be dumb enough to put your name on them."

She laughed and walked away, leaving Olivia standing there in shock. She pulled out her phone as she walked back toward her desk and put in an order for wildflowers to be delivered to Alex's office later that day.


	16. Guilt

A/N: Okay, here we are for "Guilt." So, tell me what you thought about the Conviction Arch? Do you want to jump to some Season 10/11 and deal with the consequences of that? Also, you know S4/S5 is coming...so I have some decisions to make about handling "Loss" (or not). Would love your feedback on that. Any other episodes you want specifically? (Aside from the queued ones from Season 4 and Season 11 (turmoil. perverted)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: GUILT 3.18**

Alex never spoke on the way home from the hospital. She just stared out the window while Olivia drove. Their witness against Roy Barnett, Sam Cavanaugh, had attempted suicide and was left in a vegetative state.

Olivia walked into the blonde's apartment, her arms never leaving Alex's waist. When they got to the bedroom, she picked up the pajamas off the floor that Alex had on before being called out to the hospital. She helped Alex out of her sweater and jeans and handed the sleeping clothes to her.

Alex excused herself to the restroom, and Olivia went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and aspirin for her girlfriend. When she returned, she handed it to Alex, who took it without saying a word and crawled into bed. Olivia quickly changed for bed, and climbed in behind her, wrapping her arms around her body. She put her chin on Alex's shoulder.

"This isn't your fault," she whispered to Alex.

"I shouldn't have pushed him so hard," Alex said. "He wasn't ready."

"We all share that burden, Alex," Olivia said. "But Roy Barnett did this. He's the one that put Sam in this position."

Alex sighed and remained silent.

"You'll get through this, Alex," Olivia said. "We'll get through this. I'm here, and someway, somehow, we'll get Barnett."

Alex didn't respond, and Olivia hadn't expected her to; she just wanted to reassure her. She saw the toll the case had taken on her girlfriend. Alex had been stressed since it started. She had become irritable, and it had caused more than a few minor argument both at work and at home. However, they were all mostly over dumb things. Olivia was willing to cut her slack because she did the same thing when she had a tough case like this. It was creating tension, but she knew it was temporary, and she understood Alex's frustrations; she was frustrated, too.

The next morning, things didn't get much better. In fact, Alex was in an even more determined and agitated state. They met with a prior victim who was a Sing Sing on child molestation charges himself, but there was no way he would be a suitable witness. He did reveal that Barnett sent tapes to his victims. Alex insisted Olivia and Elliot ask Sam's mother for consent to search the apartment - which, of course, she denied.

Alex didn't want to hear that and lashed out at the detectives in the squad room. First at Olivia, who was taken aback at how upset Alex was. Then she went after Stabler when he spoke up to defend his partner. He hadn't liked the way Alex spoke to Olivia.

That was it for Alex. She lost it, screaming at all of them. Even Cragen jumped in to tell her she was out of line. It was too late. She had lost control of the case and was left with no more moves.

Olivia debated going to her own apartment that night. She had to admit she was angry with Alex for yelling at her in the squad room, but she was trying to be understanding and supportive. She knew that no matter how hurt she was, Alex was hurting more right now.

"I'm surprised to see you," Alex said when Olivia showed up at her door.

"I thought she could use some company," Olivia said and sighed as she took a seat on the couch.

"Don't try to tell me you're not angry with me," Alex said. She wasn't in the mood for company tonight.

"Alex, I'm worried about you," Olivia said. "I can see that you're hurting, and I want to help."

"There's nothing you can do to help," Alex said. "I'm going to bed. Someone has to try to save this case tomorrow."

Olivia followed Alex to the bedroom, but by the time she was finished in the bathroom, Alex had already turned away from the middle of the bed and appeared to be asleep. Olivia knew she wasn't, but the message was clear. Alex wanted to be left alone. Olivia climbed into her side of the bed and tried her bed to sleep.

The following morning, Judge Petrovsky refused to sign off on a search warrant for the Cavanaugh residence, and Alex, in her state of desperation, instructed Olivia and Elliot to search the residence anyway, implying she had a search warrant.

Cragen hit the roof when he found out what his detectives had done, and got even madder when he realized Alex had lied to them. Of course, they covered for her, but he knew what happened.

"She did it to protect us," Olivia told him. Not telling them made sure their search was in good faith. They couldn't face repercussions.

"What are you, her lawyer now?" Cragen asked her.

 _No, just her girlfriend, Olivia thought._

 _#_

The searched stayed in evidence thanks to some shady lawyer moves by Alex, but it didn't let her off the hook with Donnelly.

 _One month suspension without pay._ That was her punishment, and she was damn lucky she didn't get fired. Liz made that clear.

Alex texted Olivia with the news and Olivia promised to bring dinner after work. She encouraged Alex to go home and get some sleep now that the case was officially over.

When Olivia arrived, Alex did look more relaxed. Of course, even if she did get her ass handed to her by Liz, she did get a big win in court. It was to be expected. Alex had showered, too, and didn't look like her dog had just died either. She almost had a smile on her face, and it made Olivia happy.

They ate dinner with little talk. Olivia filled Alex in on a new case they were working on and told her about some funny things Munch had said earlier. When they finished, Olivia cleared the table and put the food and dishes away before joining Alex on the couch.

"Liv, I'm sorry for dragging you and Elliot into my mess," Alex said.

"I know why you did it, Alex," Olivia said. "It was risky, but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing."

"So you're not mad?" Alex asked, shyly.

"No, Alex, I'm not mad," Olivia said, taking Alex's hand in hers.

"Come on, Liv," Alex said. "I was out of control. I mean, I lost it in your squad room the other day. I yelled at you. I yelled at Elliot. I'm sure if I a man, he would have punched me."

Olivia laughed at the thought of Alex and Elliot going 10 rounds.

"Listen, Alex, we understand," Olivia said. "It happens to all of us, and yes, tempers flare, and we get upset with each other, but when it comes down to it, we're all a team, a family. Trust me, you got a conviction, so Elliot is over it."

"And you?" Alex asked. "I've not exactly been the best girlfriend since this started."

"I told you, I was concerned," Olivia said. "And yes, at times I was angry, but it was fleeting. I could never stay angry at you, especially not over something like you fighting for justice."

Alex smiled and pressed her lips to Olivia's. It had felt like forever since she tasted Olivia's lips on hers.

Olivia pulled back, and Alex gave her a worried look.

"I've been wanting to tell you something, and there never seems to be a right time," Olivia said.

"What is it?" Alex said. "You're scaring me, Liv."

"Alex, I love you," Olivia said. "I never expected any of this, or thought I deserved any of it, but I fell for you. I fell for you hard. And, I know our lives are busy, our jobs are messy, and our relationship has been complicated, but I am head over heels in love with you."

"I know, Liv. I've always known," Alex said with a smile. "And I love you, too."


	17. Suspension

A/N: Thanks for the feedback on "Loss"...I finally have something in mind for what I'm going to do going forward. The Conviction Arch will be just that...a stand-alone arch within this messy story. Though, I will write about the outcome of how we left Conviction. Unless otherwise stated, all episodes will follow the main storyline.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SUSPENSION**

Olivia couldn't remember a time when she felt more relaxed and happy. Of course, work was still stressful, but she had told Alex she loved her, and Alex said it back. The past three weeks had been fantastic with Alex. She saw a different side to the blonde; a more relaxed side. Olivia had spent every free moment she had with Alex during the suspension. There weren't any cases for them to fight over since Alex wasn't in the office, and she was pretty sure she hadn't seen Alex in a suit in the three weeks she had been off work.

No, Alex was laughing and taking time for herself. They even took a weekend trip to the beach. Olivia was in love, and it hadn't gone unnoticed in the squad room. Elliot knew about Olivia and Alex. After the Policeman's Ball, his suspicions were confirmed, even though he and Olivia hadn't talked about it. He knew she wanted and needed discretion. Olivia also knew that he knew, but she appreciated he never asked. She could pretend that their secret was still intact. Well, with the exception of Liz Donnelly who had called her out on it months ago.

Speaking of Liz, Olivia looked up from her desk and was surprised to see the Bureau Chief in their squad room. They had seen more of her with Alex being out, but for the most part, she had sent whoever the temporary ADA was for the week to do her bidding.

"Detective Benson, how are you today?" Liz said, walking straight over to Olivia's desk. Elliot looked up from his paperwork and gave his partner a questioning look.

"I'm good," Olivia said, also unsure of why Liz was standing at her desk. "What can I help you with?"

"I was hoping I could take you to lunch today?" Liz said. Olivia took a deep breath as she saw Elliot's eyes widen, but then quickly turn to a smirk.

"Uhhhhhh, yeah, sure," Olivia said, not hiding her shock. "Let me just put this away and I can be ready in about 5 minutes."

"Sounds good," Liz said. "I'm going to check in with your Captain. I'll see you in a few minutes."

She walked off toward Cragen's office and shut the door behind her.

"What the hell was that about?" Elliot asked.

"I have no idea," Olivia said. "But I can't imagine it's good."

Olivia and Liz arrived at the restaurant for lunch. It wasn't the sandwich shop or Chinese take-out she was used to having for lunch. This was a bit fancier, the kind of places where lawyers took their clients, or socialites spent their days "lunching".

Olivia sat shifting in her chair, noticeably nervous and uncomfortable. She had no idea why Donnelly would need to bring her to lunch; what she needed to say that couldn't be said in the office.

"How's Alex?" Liz asked once they had ordered.

"She's good," Olivia said. "She still feels guilty about Sam, but I've never seen her more relaxed."

"Is she going to be ready to come back in a week?" Liz asked.

"I think so, but that's probably a conversation you should have with her," Olivia said. She had learned a long time not to answer questions on behalf of Alex. Alex was more than capable of doing that herself.

"Fair enough," Liz said. "I noticed you've been more relaxed and happy lately, too."

Olivia looked at Liz. She wasn't sure where she was going with this conversation, but she didn't like it.

"What is it you want to say, Liz?" Olivia finally got the nerve to ask.

"Okay, Benson," Liz said. "How serious is this thing with Alex?"

Olivia was silent.

"You wanted me to get to the point, I did," Liz said. "I'm not concerned about the politics of an office relationship. I've kept your secret, so I think I deserve for you to answer my question."

"It's serious," Olivia said. "I mean, we are in love. We've talked about moving in together at some point in the future."

"I see," Liz said. "I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, Olivia. On a personal level, I've never seen Alex happier than when she's with you. You bring out a different side of her, and you and SVU have instilled a refreshed sense of passion in her."

"I feel a 'but' coming," Olivia said.

"I'm sure you're aware that Alex has, at least in the past, had political aspirations," Liz said. "She has a bright future, and as you know, is one of the best attorneys to ever come through the DA's office. I mean, she has the skill, the family name, the resources, the looks, and well, everything she would need to do anything she wants."

"Everything except being in a relationship with a woman?" Olivia finished for her.

"Actually, that's a case to make, but it's not what I was going to say," Liz said. "Listen, before Alex was in SVU, she was a good attorney. Now, she's even better, but she's also playing too loose with the rules, much like your squad has a reputation for doing."

"This is about Cavanaugh," Olivia said.

"No, Sam is just an example," Liz said. "Alex has changed. You've changed her. Her focus is on justice and the victims, and not always following the law."

"Well, Liz..." Oliva said, but Liz waved her off.

"No, I know I'm not going to convince you differently," Liz said. "Your job is to care about the victims. Our job, as attorneys, is to have empathy for them, but ultimately follow the laws of New York. Alex seems to think that she can manipulate the laws to suit her personal feelings about whatever the case is."

"So, what are you saying, Liz?" Olivia asked.

"What I'm saying is that why I think you are good for Alex on a personal level, you and SVU are a liability for her professionally," Liz said. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you love Alex as much as you say you do, you won't stand in the way of her career."

"If SVU is such a problem, why not just transfer her?" Olivia said. She didn't want that to happen, and she knew Alex didn't either, but it was a fair question.

"Because the problem isn't just SVU," Liz said. "The problem is you. As long as you are with her, she's going to keep doing what she's doing now...in pursuit of what she sees as right, and not necessarily the law."

"Are you asking me to break up with Alex?" Olivia asked.

"No, I'm simply asking you to think about your future with Alex," Liz said. "What is most important to you and are you willing to sacrifice Alex's future for your own happiness?"

"Why are you bringing this up now? You basically gave us your blessing a few months ago," Olivia said.

"Honestly, I thought it would fizzle out," Liz said. "I mean, I knew that you loved each other, but I never thought the two of you would be able to actually figure out how to make it work, what with all the fighting and stuff."

Liz chuckled, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I'm not leaving Alex," Olivia said. "These are questions for her to decide. I can't make those decisions for her."

"Really, Olivia?" Liz said. "You think she's going to leave you? She is head over heels in love with you and stubborn as hell. I can see it. She will never leave you, but as long as she's risking her career and her future, she will never be fulfilled and satisfied. You think you're enough for her? Would Alex be enough for you without SVU? Do you really want to be the cause of that for Alex?"

Olivia clenched her teeth, unsure of what to say. Part of her knew that Liz was right, but she would never admit that to Liz.

"I know that you know that what I'm saying is true," Liz said. "I'm not saying it's right, or even that I like it, but it's the truth and fact of the matter. If you love her, you'll let her go."

Olivia and Liz finished their lunch in silence, and Olivia went straight back to the squad room, in a much different mood than she had been that morning. She threw her bag on the desk and took off toward the crib.

"Hey, what happened?" Elliot shouted as she nearly ran away. He got up to follow her into the crib where she found her sitting on the bunk with her face in her hands.

"I just need a minute, El," she said once she realized he had followed her. He sat next to her and put his hand on her back.

"Liv, what happened? What did Liz want with you?" Elliot said.

Olivia was finally tired of ignoring the elephant in the room with Elliot.

"She politely told me that I was a liability for Alex's career and that if I loved Alex, I would leave her," Olivia said, holding back her tears.

"What the hell? Where does she get off saying those things to you?" Elliot said.

"No, Elliot," Olivia said. "The worst part about it is that she might be right."

"What are you going to do?" Elliot said.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, I love her, El. I want to spend my life with her, but what if Liz is right? What if Alex will never be satisfied with just me?"

"Maybe you should talk to Alex about this," Elliot said. "Just don't do anything rash."

"I won't," Olivia said. "I'm not leaving Alex. I can't. I just, I don't know what to do."


	18. Denial

**A/N** : More angst. And hard conversations.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DENIAL 3.21**

Grace Rinato was in jail for the murder of her two children. The case had ended with the guilty behind bars, and it was a win for SVU. But it didn't come without cost, at least not for Alex.

She knew it was coming. After her stunt in Petrovsky's courtroom that landed her in contempt and more importantly, behind bars, she knew Liz Donnelly was going to be on her ass again. But dammit, she didn't care; she had principles, and she wasn't about to charge someone with murder who she thought was innocent. In the end, it worked out for her, like it frequently did, but she also knew she had been on thin ice since the Sam Cavanaugh case.

Alex found her way into Liz's office at the end of the day, as requested by her boss. She thought if she remained standing, she would be able to hold her ground for a little longer and show Liz she wasn't going to bend over for her or the DA.

"Sit down, Alex," Liz said.

"I'm okay to stand," Alex said, digging her feet into the wooden office floor.

"I said, _sit down_ ," Liz said. The niceties from her voice were gone.

Alex sat down in the green leather chair across from Donnelly's desk. She hated those chairs. They were lower to the ground than the tall black office chair behind the desk. She knew it was strategically done that way in the DA's office. It helped give the person behind the desk a sense of authority over the other person. They were the one with the power. She had even used it to her advantage at times, especially with her detective, but she never liked being on the receiving end of it.

"I don't even know where to begin with you," Liz said.

 _How about a 'congratulations'_ _for winning this case and putting a two-time murderer behind bars?_ That's what Alex wanted to say, but she knew it wasn't the time for the place for her cocky snark.

"Don't get me wrong, justice prevailed today, and I commend you for that," Liz said. "But don't think for a second you have done yourself any favors in the DA's office and especially not with Petrovsky. You do realize judges talk, right? Your antics over the past few months have not gone unnoticed. I ignored it until I couldn't anymore with Cavanaugh. I kept reminding myself what a good attorney you were and that you were smart enough not to jeopardize your career; that any women who went anywhere had to make a few waves along the way. God knows I've made my own share."

Alex sat in silence, trying to gauge where this conversation was going, even if she had a pretty good idea, and trying to think of how she was going to defend herself and if she should.

"But the DA has taken notice, and I can tell you isn't happy. I mean, between your scene at the Policeman's Ball, Cavanaugh, and now this, I'm starting to question why I keep defending your behavior," Liz said.

"What are you saying, Liz?" Alex said. Her tone was stubborn and astute. "Are you asking me to resign?"

"God, no," Liz said, almost laughing at the possibility. "I want you to take your career, and your future goals seriously."

"And you don't think I'm doing that?" Alex asked.

"I think that you think you are," Liz said. "I think you've convinced yourself that you're fighting for people, but perhaps you've forgotten that your job is to fight for the laws of this state."

"Sometimes the laws are wrong," Alex said.

"You're right; sometimes they are," Liz said. "But bending them to your will and pissing off judges is not the way to change them." She paused for a moment to take a breath and think about her next words.

"Alex, you could be in the DA's seat someday if you wanted it, and don't even pretend like you don't," Liz said. "Hell, you could go far beyond that. I thought after Cavanaugh that things would change, and they did for a few weeks, but here we are. Despite my warnings to you, and to Detective Benson, here you are, following your own rules."

Alex's mouth dropped open at the mention of Olivia. _Is it possible she knew? And what did she mean by warning? Olivia hadn't said anything to her._

"What does Detective Benson have to do with any of this?" Alex said, defiantly.

"I'm not an idiot, Alex," Liz said. "Give me some credit. I've known since that morning at your apartment. When you hid her under the bed, or wherever you stashed her, she left her badge in the bathroom. And after the Policeman's Ball, well, let's just say you're lucky you didn't out yourself to the entire NYPD that night."

Alex sat with a deer-in-the-headlight look in her eyes.

"Quite frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't mentioned it to you," Liz said. "I told her I knew after the Ball and told her not to tell you. But after my last conversation with her, before you came back, I would have thought for sure she told you."

"She hasn't mentioned it," Alex said. "And you still haven't answered my question as to what this has to do with Olivia."

"I'll tell you what I told her," Liz said. "I think she is great for you on a personal level, but professionally? Olivia Benson and SVU will be the death of your career unless you start doing your job the way you should be doing it. And before you ask, it's not because you're in a same-sex relationship, though that won't help as much as I hate to admit it. I think you could get past that hurdle. No, the liability is her convincing you that you need to save every victim, regardless of the consequences."

"Olivia doesn't convince me to do anything I don't think is right," Alex said.

"No, but you love her, and she has more influence over you than you think," Liz said. "Listen, she obviously didn't take my advice, and I don't suspect you will do the same. But don't say I didn't warn you. If you want a political future, you need to seriously consider your relationship with Olivia and what it's costing you."

"I don't care what it cost me," Alex said. "I do love her."

"I suspected you would say that, whether you meant it or whether just to be stubborn," Liz said. "Which is why I talked to her first, hoping she would make the decision for you."

The fire in Alex's eyes said everything she wasn't.

"Listen, Alex, it's not right, and like I told Olivia, I may not even agree with it," Liz said. "But as your boss and a mentor who sees your potential, I'd be remiss if I didn't point it out to you. Your personal life is your business, and I won't interfere anymore. But I also don't have much more rope to throw you. I just wanted to give you some professional advice, and you can make up your own mind."

"Are we done here?" Alex said.

"You're free to go," Liz said, as she watched Alex leave her office before she had even finished her sentence.

#

Alex went straight to Olivia's apartment after her meeting with Liz. They had dinner plans. Olivia was going to cook, and they were supposed to spend a relaxing night together since it was a Friday. However, Alex had other things in mind that didn't involve relaxing.

"Alex, you're here," Olivia said as she was putting the final food dishes out on the table. "You're a little later than you thought. Everything okay?"

"Oh, I just had a meeting with Liz," Alex said, trying to hide her anger, at least until they were done with dinner.

"She must have been pretty happy with the outcome, even if she wasn't happy with the contempt of court," Olivia said, walking over to kiss her girlfriend. Alex turned her head slightly so the kiss landed on her cheek instead of her lips. "Ready for dinner?"

"Sure."

Dinner went by quietly and quickly. Olivia did most of the talking. Going on about Grace and Claire and Rose, and what a screwed up family they had. Claire had barely stood a chance. Alex for her part mostly just nodded and agreed, too lost in thought of what she was going to say to Olivia. She was angry. Not only with Liz, but also with Olivia for not saying anything to her.

Sure, Olivia had stayed with her, but Alex could tell things had been different. Olivia was still as loving as always toward her, but she had become hesitant when talking about their future. In fact, during her time off, Alex thought they were close to finally disclosing and moving in together. But since she returned, she had noticed that Olivia hadn't mentioned it once, which was odd since it had been Olivia's idea...at least moving in together. Even when Alex mentioned it, Olivia had seemed to be content with putting it off or changing the subject. Alex hadn't thought too much of it; they had both been busy. But now she was questioning everything about her relationship...and her career.

"Alex?"

"Alex?" Olivia said louder.

"Huh? What?" Alex said.

"You spaced out there for a while," Olivia laughed. "I said, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Alex said. "No, I don't' want to watch a movie. I think we need to talk, Liv."

Olivia nodded, unsure of what they needed to talk about. They both moved over to the couch and Alex sat on the opposite end of Olivia.

"Liz knows about us," Alex said. "But, that's no surprise to you."

Olivia bit her lip. She knew this day would come, and she knew she should have mentioned, but she also wasn't sure how Alex would react. She didn't want her to be angry with Liz.

"Alex, I should have told you, but she asked me not to after the Policeman's Ball," Olivia said.

"And when she asked you to break up with me? Were you planning on doing what she said then, too?" Alex said, bitterly.

"Of course not, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Are you?" Alex snapped back.

"What do you mean? Of course, I am," Olivia said, confused by the question.

"I mean, it just seemed we were getting closer to disclosing, moving in together, and then all of a sudden, you back off," Alex said. "Now, it all makes sense."

"Alex, I just didn't want to get involved," Olivia said. "I told Liz that her concerns were decisions for you to make."

"So this has nothing to do with you, then?" Alex said.

"Your career? No, Alex, that's for you to decide and me to support," Olivia said. "Alex, I love you, and I want whatever is best for you."

"And you think that isn't you?" Alex said.

"That's not what I said," Olivia said. "Liz isn't wrong."

"Well, she sure as hell isn't right!" Alex said. "You say you love me."

"Alex, you know I do," Olivia said.

"Then why wouldn't someone who loved me talk to me when someone made an attack on our relationship, instead of quietly pulling away," Alex said.

"I wasn't pulling away," Olivia said. "I just wanted you to have some time to get settled back into work."

"Bullshit, Olivia!" Alex said. "You claim to love me, but you couldn't even respect me enough to let me have control of this decision, or trust me to know exactly what I want. You think you're not enough for me. I mean, Olivia, do you think I jeopardize my career for just anyone?"

"So you can admit that our relationship does jeopardize your career?" Olivia said.

"Don't try that," Alex said. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Alex, I just don't want you to throw away your ambitions for me," Olivia said.

"And why not? I love you, Olivia. What would be so bad about that?" Alex said. "Unless you don't think this relationship is going to work out."

"I don't want you to resent me, Alex," Olivia said. "And yes, I do wonder if I'm enough for you. We're different. We come from different worlds. I'm an SVU detective, and pretty soon, you'll be spending your evenings at political events and fundraisers."

"Olivia, all I want is for you to trust me," Alex said. "I want for you to trust that I love you and that I know that as long as I'm with you, I will be happy, and fulfilled. Can you do that? Or is it that you're not satisfied with me. Maybe I'm the one that isn't enough for you?"

"Alex, no, of course not," Olivia said. "I've never felt this way about anyone. I do love you, and I do trust you. It's just, I'd do anything in the world to make you happy, even if that means not being with you."

"Olivia, that would never mean not being with you," Alex said. "I am the happiest I have ever been, and it's all because of you."

"Then yes, I can do that," Olivia said. "I trust you, and if you say you want to be with me against all odds, then I'll be here for as long as you'll have me."


	19. Competence

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. I'm setting some things up, but I wanted this to be a mostly fun & normal life chapter. Not much from the episode, just a couple of mentions, but that's where I am in the timeframe. Moving into Season 4 next.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: COMPETENCE 3.22**

"You really handed Trevor his ass today," Olivia told Alex as they walked into the brunette's apartment. "Have I mentioned how hot it is when you do that?"

"I'm just glad that Katie is going to get the support she needs to raise her baby and that Cheney won't be able to hurt anyone else," Alex replied, sitting her bag down by the door and hanging up her jacket. "And yes, you may have mentioned it a few times, but I never tire of hearing it."

Olivia turned and pulled Alex in for a kiss.

"So, what are we having for dinner?" Alex asked after the kiss ended.

"I know what I'm having for dessert," Olivia said and grinned.

"Olivia! Here, order us some Chinese food," Alex said, handing a menu to her. "I want the number 6. Oh and make sure they bring steamed rice instead of fried rice. Also, low-sodium soy sauce; they always screw that up."

"Anything else for the Princess?" Olivia asked, rolling her eyes.

"No, I think that will do it," Alex smirked. "I'm going to change out of my work clothes."

Olivia reached out and pulled Alex toward her. "I could help with that if you want," she said, moving her mouth to Alex's neck. "I'd even be willing to skip dinner and go straight to dessert."

"You are insatiable, lately," Alex said, pulling away. "What has gotten into you?"

"You have when I'm lucky," Olivia laughed, not being able to pass up the obvious joke. Alex rolled her eyes.

"Make any more jokes like that, and you won't be getting lucky for a while," Alex said and began walking toward the bedroom. "Now, order and food, and don't forget, low-sodium soy sauce."

"Yeah, yeah," Olivia said, picking up the phone to order.

Alex returned after a few minutes, found a comfy spot on the couch and pulled out a book she had left at Olivia's apartment.

"Donnelly mad about you testifying at Katie's competency hearing?" Olivia asked, joining Alex at the other end of the couch.

"Yes, but she'll get over it," Alex said. "Liz doesn't get to dictate how I do my job. Besides, we got Cheney in the end."

"But she is your boss, and you ignored a direct order from her to not testify," Olivia said. "I'm just concerned -"

"Stop it, Olivia," Alex said. "We are not having this discussion again."

"Okay, okay," Olivia said, throwing up her hands in defense.

"I appreciate your concern, but I'll smooth things over with Liz," Alex said. "I am making an effort to play by her rules. But I'm not going to completely roll over."

"Well, if you wanted -"

"Liv, another lame sex joke from you tonight, and I promise that you won't be getting laid for a month," Alex said.

"Hey, I'm not the one that brought up our sex life in open court this week," Olivia said and smirked at Alex. "Which also was pretty hot."

"If you're talking the fire, I simply said I caught my stove on fire," Alex said.

"Yeah, but I bet anything Kressler would have loved to know why you caught it on fire," Olivia said.

"I think it was because I was unnecessarily distracted by one of my detectives," Alex smiled.

"Unnecessary? Oh, I think it was very necessary," Olivia teased. "In fact, I remember begging on your part." Olivia watched as Alex blushed. "I mean, if you'd like to reconstruct the crime scene..."

"That won't be necessary," Alex said.

Olivia sighed and pouted for a moment before their food arrived. Alex jumped up and met the delivery person at the door.

"Did you bring the low-sodium soy sauce?" she asked.

"Um, no one told me to bring any," he said.

"Seriously? Every single time?" Alex said. She took the food and handed him the money and his normal tip, even though she clearly wasn't happy.

"Alex, he's just the delivery guy," Olivia said. "I'm sure they never bothered to write it on his ticket."

"Did you even tell them low-sodium?" Alex snapped at Olivia.

"Yes, Alex," Olivia said.

"Yeah, but did you remind them that they always forget and that it's important for them to bring it?" Alex said.

"No, but is it really that important?" Olivia said. "I mean, if it is, I'll just buy some next time I'm at the store to keep here."

"Oh, you mean like I asked you to do last time we ordered?" Alex said.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "We're both a little busy at work. Are we really fighting over soy sauce, or is there something else going on here?"

"What else could be going on?" Alex asked, glaring at Olivia.

"You tell me," Olivia said. "You say I've been insatiable lately, well, maybe that's because my girlfriend has spurned almost all of my advances over the past few weeks."

Alex turned her focus to her food and refused to look up at Olivia.

"I get that you're under pressure at work and have been stressed, but there's no reason to take it out on me," Olivia said. "I thought we worked through the Liz stuff?"

"We did," Alex said. "And I don't mean to take my stress out on you. I'm sorry."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Olivia said.

"Nothing is going on, Liv," Alex said. "I'm just figuring things out, that's all. Look, it's nothing to worry about. It's just pressure at work and this administration. It'll pass."

Olivia smiled and placed her hand on top of Alex's to show her support.

"What did you want to do this weekend?" Alex asked.

"Well, unless I get called in, I was hoping you'd like to go apartment hunting," Olivia said. "Unless, of course, you changed your mind about moving in together.

"That depends," Alex said. "Do you promise to stop making lame sexual jokes to get me into bed?"

"I will promise no such thing," Olivia smiled. "But, I promise to stop tonight as long as you promise me that dessert I've been waiting for all day."

"You drive a hard bargain, but fine, I'll go apartment hunting with you," Alex said. "And, it seems I owe you an extra helping of dessert tonight."

Alex got up from the table and pulled Olivia toward the bedroom.

"Wait. Can I bring the whipped cream?" Olivia said, going back toward the fridge.

"What? Are you saying I'm not sweet enough for you?" Alex smirked.

"Oh, I think you know that you are, but everything's better with whipped cream."


	20. Getting Control

A/N: Takes place between Season 3 and Season 4. We find out a little more about how Alex is feeling. Thanks for the reviews.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: GETTING CONTROL**

Alex arrived home on a summer Friday afternoon. It had been a long day and even longer week. She was getting tired of the bullshit in the DA's office. She didn't agree with decisions made by the Lewin administration, but Liz had made it crystal clear that she was not to fight every battle before her.

Ever since Katie, their victim with Down Syndrome, Liz had kept Alex under what felt like a microscope. Alex hated being micro-managed and feeling like she wasn't in control. She had spent the past several weeks trying to gain control over her life: at work, at home, and especially with Olivia, who always seemed to want to protect her like she was helpless.

Yes, there had been trouble in paradise for a while now. Nothing major, but they had been bickering more than normal, usually over stupid stuff. It was even happening at work. It wasn't abnormal for them to argue at work, but Alex subconsciously knew she had been bitchier than normal with SVU, and Olivia in particular. The day she overheard Elliot make a joke about being glad he "wasn't the only one with a nagging wife," she hit the roof and yelled at both him and Olivia in the middle of the squad room. She went to her apartment that evening and refused to take any of Olivia's calls until the next day.

They still hadn't found an apartment to move into. Nothing seemed right for Alex. It was either too big, too small, or too far away from work. She even rejected one because she didn't like the stove, which Olivia pointed out was ridiculous with as little cooking as they did. For the most part, though, Olivia went along with it. She kept searching for the perfect apartment, anything to make Alex happy. Which, truthfully, only upset Alex even more because she didn't want Olivia walking on eggshells around her.

"Hey, babe," Olivia said when she saw Alex come through the door. "Dinner will be ready soon."

Olivia had gotten off work before Alex and promised to cook dinner for them. She had been doing that a lot lately.

"Thanks," Alex said, sitting her bag down and walking toward the bedroom to change before coming back to the kitchen.

She wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and placed a kiss on the back of her neck while Olivia was finishing up at the stove.

"I missed you today," Olivia said. "How was your day?"

"You know," Alex said. "Same old stuff, different day."

Olivia didn't really know, as Alex hadn't talked much about work lately, except for the cases they were working on together. She knew it wouldn't do any good to ask, though.

"If you want to get some plates out, the salmon is ready to come out of the oven," Olivia said instead.

Dinner was as it had been for the past several weeks, quiet for the most part, aside from some small talk. Alex didn't want to go apartment hunting this weekend, and Olivia was grateful for that. She had been trying hard to find something, anything, that met Alex's standards, but no matter what, she couldn't make the blonde happy. She was growing frustrated, but doing her best to be understanding. Besides, she had something to talk to Alex about, and she wasn't sure how Alex was going to feel about it.

"I was hoping I could talk to you about something tonight," Olivia said after they had finished dinner and cleaned up the dishes.

Alex sighed. She figured Olivia was finally going to call her out on her crap for the past few weeks. She was hoping for it, actually, because after this week, she was more than ready to battle with anyone.

"What's up?" Alex asked.

"Cragen talked to me today about an undercover operation," Olivia said. "It's my decision, but I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"What undercover operation? This is the first I'm hearing about it," Alex said, her voice defensive.

"It's for Narcotics and Vice, not SVU," Olivia explained.

"Why do they want you?" Alex asked.

"I have experience doing UC, they're short on women officers, and I fit the description of what they need," Olivia said.

"So it's just a night or two of undercover?" Alex said.

"Actually, no," Olivia said. "It would be a month, maybe six weeks."

"What?!" Alex said. "What kind of operation?"

"Well, they believe there is a drug dealer that is using their drugs, laced with god knows what, to pulled women into prostitution, hence the narcotics and vice," Olivia said. "I would go in as Donna, a pill-addicted mom who lost custody of her kid, and will spend the month building up trust, and meeting the players. Narcos already has a UC in there who will introduce me."

"So you're the bait?" Alex said.

"No, I'm a buyer," Olivia said.

"Yeah, until they want to turn you into a prostitute," Alex said. She got up from the couch and began pacing around the apartment.

"That's kind of the point," Olivia said. "These are bad guys, and they want them on every possible charge to get them off the streets for good. It's not like I haven't done UC stuff before, even for SVU."

"Yeah, but at least you know who your team is and if you can trust them," Alex said.

"I trust these guys," Olivia said. "Cragen and Fin have both worked with them before, and you know Cragen wouldn't have suggested it if he thought there was a danger to me."

"No," Alex said.

"What do you mean, no?" Olivia said.

"I mean, _no_ ," Alex said. "I don't want you doing it."

"Alex, this is my job, you know that," Olivia said.

"No, SVU is your job," Alex said. "And you said Cragen told you that you could say no. So, say no."

"Alex, where is this coming from?" Olivia said.

"I don't know, maybe I don't want a dead girlfriend," Alex said, rolling her eyes. She finally sat back down in a chair.

"That's not going to happen," Olivia said.

"You don't know that," Alex said.

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia said. "I don't know that, but I do know I'm just as likely to get killed chasing a perp any day of the week. In fact, at least here, I know someone will be watching me, and I have a full team of backup."

"It seems you've already made up your mind," Alex said. "Why did you even bother talking to me about it?"

"Because I was hoping we could discuss it rather than you just saying no," Olivia said. "You know this is part of the job. I've done it before. Elliot does it. Kathy doesn't like it, but she doesn't tell him no."

"As if it would do any good," Alex said.

"I just thought you, of all people, would understand," Olivia said. "I mean, I've dated people before who didn't understand my job; who I couldn't talk to about it."

Alex looked away and let out a breath. "Fine, do it," she said. "How will it work?"

Olivia sighed. She didn't like the 'fine' response, but she figured it was the best she was going to get.

"I'll have to stay at a motel for the next month," she said. "I'll be able to check in with Elliot each day and the UC already in will be next door, adjourning rooms."

"Will I even be able to see you or talk to you?" Alex said.

"That was one of the things I insisted on," Olivia said. "That during the month, I needed at least part of the weekends off where I could see you, or well, my partner, as I told them. So, they agreed to Sunday afternoons."

"I really don't like this, Liv," Alex said. "And I really don't want you to do it."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "But I have to. And this is something that, if we're going to be together, we're going to have to learn how to deal with."

" _If_ we're going to be together?" Alex said. "What the hell does that mean? _If?"_

"Alex, I just mean, dammit, you know what I mean," Olivia said. "I'm tired of explaining myself and walking on eggshells around you."

"Well, maybe you should stop treating me like I'm helpless," Alex said. "I'm not one of your victims."

"I have never treated you like a victim," Olivia said. "Good grief, you're one of the strongest people I know."

"Well, maybe I'm just tired of everyone else making decisions about my life and not consulting me," Alex said. "I'm a big girl. I don't need a protector or anyone treating me with kid gloves."

"Woah, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm sorry if you think I've been doing that. I know you've been under pressure at work, so I've just been trying to be understanding. Is something else going on? Is Liz still giving you a hard time because of me? Is this why you've been dragging feet on getting an apartment?"

"This isn't about Liz, and it's not about the damn apartment," Alex said. "But you know what, maybe Liz was right. Maybe you do have too much influence over me. Maybe you are both right, maybe I should start putting my career first. You're obviously doing that."

Olivia put her hands on her face. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been nothing but understanding to Alex, despite the fact that she had been a borderline bitch for weeks.

"It's my job!"

"I'm going to bed," Alex said.

Olivia stood there in silence, shocked that Alex was walking away from her right now.

"Are you coming?" Alex said when she realized Olivia hadn't moved.

"No, I think I"ll go home tonight," Olivia said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm busy," Alex said, flatly.

"Alex, I have to move into the motel on Sunday," Olivia said. "It's my last chance to see you for at least a week."

Alex shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry," she said. "Like I said, I'm busy. All day."

Olivia sighed and walked to the door.

"Okay," she said. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too."


	21. Control - Part 2

A/N: SMUT WARNING! :) || Yes, lots of updates this week. It's what happens when I'm visiting family and get bored. || Yeah, the UC twist threw ya'll, huh? What fun would it be if they didn't have wrenches thrown at them? But this is a fluffy, smutty, chapter for you all. || Tell me what you think or if you have ideas for future. Otherwise, I'll keep going. You can also follow me on twitter if you want darksclocks.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONTROL - PART 2**

Olivia had been undercover for a week now. It was Sunday afternoon, and she had successfully begun to earn the trust of her "dealer." She was thankful that she had been able to communicate with Elliot. He confirmed that Alex still wanted to see her today. She hadn't been sure after their fight last weekend. She was still upset with Alex, and had no idea what the hell was going on, but more than anything, she couldn't wait to see her girlfriend. She just hoped Alex felt the same way.

Elliot had instructed Alex to meet at Olivia's apartment on Sunday, in case anyone followed Olivia. At least that way, they wouldn't know where Alex lived.

Olivia unlocked the door, holding her breath and hoping to see Alex on the other side of the door. When she walked in, the apartment was dark. _Maybe Alex is running late._

Olivia sat her bag down on a chair by the door and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine. She had finished pouring when she heard a sound from the bedroom. She instinctively grabbed her gun. She knew the undercover operation was dangerous, but they surely hadn't made her as a cop already. She moved slowing toward the bedroom, and slowly pushed the door open.

"NYPD! Put your hands up!"

"Jesus, Liv!" Alex yelled. "It's just me."

"Fuck, Alex," Olivia said, putting her gun on the dresser. "What the hell? I could have shot you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in," Alex said. "I fell asleep waiting for you."

Alex was still holding her chest, noticeably shaken by Olivia pulling her gun out on her. Olivia moved to the bed and embraced Alex.

"No, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I should have known it was you."

She leaned in and gave Alex a gentle kiss. "I missed you," Olivia said. "And I'm so sorry about last weekend."

"No, I'm sorry," Alex said. "I know I've been out of sorts. I just have a lot going on in my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Olivia said.

"Not right now, Liv," Alex said. "We will, but I want to make good use of the little time we have."

She pushed her lips against Olivia's, forcing her tongue to part lips, much to Olivia's surprise. She made quick work of pulling Olivia's shirt off and unhooking her bra, sliding it off and moving her mouth down to Olivia's hard nipple.

"Oh, Alex. I've missed this," Olivia moaned, as Alex gently bit her nipple, and worked her other hand down the waistband of her pants.

"Pants," Alex growled, pulling Olivia up from the bed and quickly unbuttoning them and pushing them down. Olivia stood there, letting Alex have her control. She hadn't seen Alex like this in a long time, and while she didn't understand, there was no way she was going to stop it to ask questions. It had been a long week, and she had to admit, she had had a number of fantasies about Alex during the week. This was better than any of them.

Alex kneeled in front of her and moved her lips to Olivia's naval, working her tongue down to the pelvic bone, and grasping Olivia's panties with her teeth, tugging them down. Olivia worked her fingers through Alex's hair, moving her center forward, hoping for more contact.

Alex slowly licked the inside of Olivia's thighs, knowing she was driving the brunette wild.

"Alex, please," Olivia whispered.

"Patience," Alex said, turning Olivia and pushing her back on the bed. Olivia laid there while Alex slowly undressed in front of her, climbing on top of the brunette while Olivia tried to pull Alex in for a kiss. Alex leaned down, straddling Olivia and pressed their cores together, getting just enough friction on their clits to elicit a moan from both women.

Alex moved her mouth back to Olivia's neck, biting down hard.

"Ouch! Alex, what are you doing?" Olivia said.

"Oh, I don't think your drug dealer friends are going to mind a few love bites, are they?" Alex said. _She was right, Olivia thought._ It wasn't often that she could claim a mark on her body may actually work well for her cover. Olivia ran her hands up Alex's back, pulling her closer, and giving her the permission she wanted to do whatever she wanted.

Alex's hands found their way back to Olivia's nipples and she started squeezing and running them while moving her sucking and licking down to the hollow point on the front of Olivia's neck. She knew it drove Olivia crazy, and once Olivia's nails started digging into her back, she knew her mission was going to get accomplished.

Alex shifted her center between Olivia's thigh and moved her hand down to rub Olivia's slit, teasing it gently, and making light circles on the skin just outside her clit. Olivia was whimpering now, and her fingers dug even further down Alex's back. That was definitely going to leave a mark, but Alex didn't mind.

"Please, Alex," Olivia begged.

"Please, what Liv?" Alex teased.

"I want to feel you," Olivia said.

"No, tell me what you want me to do to you," Alex said. "Say it, Liv."

"I want to feel you inside me," Olivia said.

"Tell me," Alex said.

"God, Alex, please fuck me," Olivia said.

Alex smirked, looking at the glazed over eyes of her lover and then slid two fingers into Olivia.

"Ahhh."

Alex continued thrusting inside Olivia, adding a third finger once she was sure Olivia was ready for it. The more Olivia moaned, the faster she went, curling her fingers right before she put her thumb on Olivia's clit, and clamped down on her breast.

She kept her pace, working faster, listening to Olivia get louder and moving her center harder with each thrust. Finally, she felt the brunette spasm around her fingers and shoot up off the bed, screaming louder than she had ever heard Olivia scream.

"Alex! Oh, god, yes!" Alex moved her thumb off Olivia's clit but kept working her fingers inside Olivia, just a little slower.

"You want to come again?"

Olivia nodded, unable to speak.

Alex kept thrusting and moved her own center up and down on Olivia's thigh. Olivia moved it higher to give Alex better traction, and moved her hands to Alex's ass, pulling her harder into her.

Alex worked her fingers inside Olivia until she felt the brunette was close again, and worked on claiming her own friction against her clit.

"Come with me," Olivia mumbled.

With that, Alex began to furiously stroke Olivia's clit again and allowed the brunette's hand to slip between her legs, rubbing Alex's core.

It wasn't long before Olivia felt Alex's wetness on her thigh before Alex began pushing harder inside her, sending Olivia over the edge once more. When she shot up, taking her thigh with her, Alex let out her own scream of ecstasy before collapsing on top of Olivia.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, finally getting up to eat and shower before Olivia had to return to the motel late that night.

Alex laid back in Olivia's arms on the couch, later that night, while they listened to music and enjoyed each other's company. It was the first day in weeks that they hadn't bickered or fought about anything, and neither of them wanted it to end.

"Have I told you how much I missed you this week?" Alex asked.

"I think you showed me earlier," Olivia said with a smile. "But it's always nice to hear, too. I missed you, too." Olivia placed a kiss on Alex's cheek.

"I don't know how I'm going to do three more weeks of this," Alex said. "It's only going to be three more weeks, right?"

"Yes, probably," Olivia said. "We've made good progress this week. Apparently I'm pretty good at playing a drug addict."

"Well, don't' get so good at it that they always want to use you," Alex said. "I'd never surviving being away from you all the time."

"Don't worry, Alex," Olivia said. "You'll never have to be without me."


	22. Bears

A/N: Some Noah/Olivia/Alex love for you all. Consider this a one-shot in the "Diaper Duty" universe and unrelated (so far) to our main storyline happening. Thanks to trace619 for the suggestion! And thanks to everyone for the reviews.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: BEARS**

Olivia slowly opened her eyes to the morning light beating in through her window. It was still early. Noah hadn't woken up yet, and she was thankful for that. She was also thankful he had slept through the night.

After a stretch, she rolled over to see Alex with a grin on her face, looking at her.

"Good morning, sunshine," Alex said before leaning in and placing a kiss on Olivia's lips. "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are in the morning light?"

"Hmm, well, this woman who woke up in my bed the other morning said something similar," Olivia said with a smirk.

Alex slipped her hand around Olivia's waist. "Is that right?" she said. "Should I be jealous?"

"Nah, she was just some chick I brought home from the bar," Olivia said. "She couldn't keep her hands off me."

"She still can't," Alex said, moving her hand up to Olivia's breast and pressing her lips into the brunette once again.

Olivia moved closer, deepening their kiss when the baby monitor began making noises. Noah was awake and wanted everyone in the apartment to know it.

"You know, we could turn the monitor off and finish up what we started," Olivia suggested.

"So he can crawl out of his bed and wander in here?" Alex said, removing her hands. "No, I've had that nightmare one too many times." She rolled out of bed and Olivia watched her naked girlfriend walked to the bathroom to grab her robe. She had to admit, seeing a naked Alex walk away from her was one of her favorite sites.

When Alex came out, she headed out of the bedroom to the kitchen to start the coffee and peeked in on Noah, who had indeed gotten out of his bed and was playing in his room. Olivia got up and quickly dressed before joining Alex in the living room.

Alex handed Olivia a cup of coffee and curled up next to her on the couch.

"I was thinking we could take Noah to the Zoo today since it looks like it's going to be a beautiful day," Alex said. Her parents had bought a family pass to the Central Park Zoo for them a few weeks ago, and although Lucy had made good use of it with Noah, Alex and Olivia hadn't had a chance to take him yet.

"I think Noah will love that," Olivia said. "Lucy says he's obsessed with the Grizzly bears, and based on the sounds he's started making when he's mad, I'd agree."

"Oh good, I thought it was just me he was growling at because he didn't like me," Alex said with a smile.

"Doesn't like you?" Olivia said. "You may be his favorite since you let him get away with more than me and Lucy, and I know you sneak him extra snacks."

"Hey, don't blame me," Alex said. "I have a lot riding on whether or not Noah likes me."

"I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about," Olivia said. "Besides, who wouldn't like Alexandra Cabot?"

"Judge Petrovsky?"

"Okay, well, I'll give you that one," Olivia said. "I'll go take a shower if you want to do the honors of telling Noah we're going to see the bears."

Two hours later, after everyone had showered, dressed, and had breakfast, they made it to the Zoo.

Noah held both their hands as they made their way around the zoo. Olivia looked down as they were walking, looking between Noah and Alex, and couldn't believe this was her life. She never imagined she could be so happy. When Noah came into her life, a missing piece seemed to fall in place. When Alex came back into her life almost a year ago, well, she had everything she ever wanted and dreamed of.

They made their way to the petting zoo. Noah did not like the goats and was not interested in petting them, much like Alex refused to touch them. He did however like the sheep because they were "soft," as he pointed out.

"Moooooo!" he shouted when he saw the cows.

"I guess we better get used to the farm animal sounds," Olivia joked.

"Well, if it gets too out of hand, I can always go hide in my apartment," Alex said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, thanks for being such a supportive girlfriend," she teased.

After they had left the petting zoo, they continued their trek.

"Bears!" Noah shouted once they got close to the bear exhibit.

"Yeah, baby, we're almost to the bears," Olivia said. She exchanged a smile with Alex at Noah's excitement. "I told you," she mouthed to her girlfriend.

"Rarrrrr," he yelled when they approached the bears.

"He must get his temperament from you," Alex said, with a cocky smile.

"Don't be so sure of yourself," Olivia said. "I've seen you before you've had your coffee."

Alex glared at Olivia before hooking her arm in Olivia's and sitting on the bench in front of the bears.

"This was a good idea," Olivia said.

"I have those every now and then," Alex said. They watched at Noah played with another kid his age, as they watched the bear cubs roll around and play.

"I'm going to grab something to drink," Olivia said. "Do you want anything?"

"Just water," Alex said. They hadn't planned on it being as warm as it was today and hadn't packed any extra drinks or water, aside from what they brought for Noah.

Olivia bought some drinks from a nearby vendor and found her way back to the bears. As she approached the bench where they had been sitting, she watched Noah run over to Alex.

"Mamma! Come see bear," he said, taking Alex's hand and pulling her toward the fence.

Olivia's ears perked up, and she saw Alex snap her head around, aware that Olivia was now behind her. Her eyes were wide, like a deer in the headlights. Olivia nodded for her to go with him.

Alex let Noah pull her over to what he wanted to show her, and Olivia reclaimed her spot on the bench. She watched on as Noah pointed out the bear that had just woke up and was now rolling around in the water. She smiled, watching as Alex had squatted down to Noah's level, and the blonde smiling as Noah was pointing and jumping.

Noah had never called her anything other than Alex before, sometimes Lex when he couldn't get out the two syllables. But "Mama" was new. As far as she knew, he had never even called Lucy "mamma" or "mom" and she probably spent as much time with Noah as Olivia did.

Of course, she was also certain that Alex was probably freaking out right now. Yes, they had talked about their future and planned to spend it together. They even talked about having or adopting more kids. They had been together just under a year now, but were still living separately, and weren't engaged yet. Olivia didn't know what she was waiting on, or Alex for that matter. Things just seemed so good that neither of them wanted to mess with what was working. But suddenly, Olivia realized that Noah was verbalizing what neither of them was...they needed to start thinking about the next step.

After a few more exhibits, Noah was getting tired out and need to go home for a nap. They hadn't talked yet about Noah calling Alex "mama," realizing it was a better conversation for home.

"That didn't take long," Alex said when Olivia come back from putting Noah down for a nap.

"He wore himself out today," Olivia said. "I think I'm going to enjoy these zoo passes. I know why Lucy has taken him so often, now."

"I order dinner for us," Alex said. "I hope that was okay. I think I'm worn out from today, too."

"No, that was a good idea," Olivia said. "You're two for two today on good ideas."

"I told you, I'm full of them," Alex said, as she reached out for Olivia and pulled her in for a kiss. "So, I guess we need to talk about what happened today."

"Yeah, we probably do," Olivia said. "How do you feel about it?"

"I think I was just surprised more than anything," Alex said. "But then I realized he probably just got excited. I'm sure he's called Lucy 'Mama' by accident before."

"He hasn't," Olivia said. "I asked. I mean, I had never heard him say it, but I texted and asked her."

"Oh," Alex said.

"But, you know, you kind of are like his mom," Olivia said. "I mean, I think he knows that your role with him is more of a motherly role than say, Lucy. He knows she's his babysitter, but I guess we've never explained to him what you are besides my friend."

"You put him to bed at night. Get up with him during the night sometimes. Give him baths. Put on his bandages. Alex, you do everything I do for him," Olivia said. "But, I know it's a big deal, so I can talk to him if you want. I don't want to rush anything."

"No, it's not that," Alex said. "I guess I just didn't want you to think I was moving too fast. I mean, I also worry about what would happen if for some reason we broke up; how confusing that would be for Noah if he's calling me mama."

"I don't have any plans of us breaking up, ever," Olivia said. "And I don't think you're moving too fast. I was worried you thought the same thing. I guess maybe Noah knows more about our relationship than we do."

They both smiled and laughed.

"Well, I think we can wait and see if he does it again," Alex said. "I want him to call me what he's comfortable calling me. Whether it's Alex or mama."

"Good idea," Olivia said. "I was thinking, if you are going to be Noah's mama, it may make sense if you were here all the time, living here. I mean, if you want to."

"Are you asking me to move in with you, Benson?" Alex said, with a smirk.

"Maybe I am, but only if you plan on saying yes," Olivia replied.

Alex leaned in to kiss Olivia. "That's a yes," she said. "But do you need to run it by Noah first?"

"We'll talk to him tonight, but I'm sure he'll love it," Olivia said. "In fact, the other morning when he got up, and you weren't here, he wanted to know where Lex was."

"I love you and Noah so much, Liv," Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said. "And we both love you, too. In fact, I'd say that we're both crazy about you."

 _One Hour Later..._

"Hey, Noah, Alex and I wanted to talk to you about something," Olivia said as they all sat down for dinner.

Noah stopped what he was doing and looked at Olivia.

"You know that I love Alex, right? And you love Alex?" Olivia said.

"Yes, mama," Noah said, nodding.

"Well, what would you think if Alex lived here with us all the time?" Olivia said.

"Alex get own room?" he asked.

Olivia and Alex smiled.

"No, honey, Alex will share mama's room, like she does now," Olivia said. "Alex is my girlfriend, like a special friend."

"Alex live here!" he shouted with a big smile.

"I guess that answers our question," Olivia said, looking over at Alex.

"I don't know now," Alex said. "If I'm not getting my own room, I may have to reconsider this."

"Your own room? I'm pretty sure you've already overtaken most of my room...and my bed for that matter," Olivia said.

"Are you implying I'm a bed hog?" Alex said.

"I'm not implying it, I'm saying it," Olivia said

"You love it," Alex said.

"Well, I love you," Olivia said. "So it's worth it."

"Speaking of being worth it," Alex said, leaning in to whisper in Olivia's ear. "I'll make sure you know just how worth it is tonight."


	23. Control - Part 3

A/N: Back to our regular timeline. This is a long one, and we get some answers. I think you'll like it. As always, thank you for reading and for the reviews. I like this series and don't plan on stopping it anytime soon.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONTROL - PART 3**

The second week of undercover for Olivia went smoothly. Things were moving at a good pace and going right as they had planned. As the weekend neared, Olivia couldn't help but spend her free time thinking about Alex. They had a good visit the prior weekend, but Olivia still felt like Alex was holding something back from her. Alex had promised to talk to her, but they had gotten so caught up in each other, that the conversation never happened.

This weekend, she would make sure they talked. That is until Elliot called her to give her the bad news. Alex had gone out of town for the weekend to see her parents. It couldn't be put off, she told Elliot, so Olivia was going to have to wait another week to see her girlfriend. To say she was frustrated was an understatement. Elliot must have heard the disappointment in her voice, so he invited her over to his house for dinner on Sunday night. Olivia tried to say no, but he had insisted.

"Kathy, dinner was fantastic, as usual," Olivia said. "Thank you for having me."

"Liv, you know you're invited anytime," Kathy said. "Although, I'm sure you would have rather been spending time with Alex instead of us."

Olivia smiled. She knew after she told Elliot that he would tell Kathy. He usually did unless it was something about a case or overly personal. This was personal, but since Kathy witnessed the blow up at the Policeman's Ball, there didn't seem to be any sense in keeping it from her.

Kathy excused herself to clean up the dishes and suggested Elliot and Olivia enjoyed the nice weather out back, handing them two beers.

"How's everything going undercover?" Elliot asked.

"It's going as planned so far," Olivia said. "The other UC says we're making good progress, and they're starting to trust me. Well, at least as much as a drug dealer and possible pimp trusts anyone."

They shared a laughed before Elliot turned serious and faced Olivia.

"How are things with Alex?" he asked.

Olivia wasn't surprised by the question. She knew he had seen the stress she had been under for the past couple of months. For the most part, he hadn't questioned her much about it, but she knew that he could see it, especially when Alex was around.

"Last weekend was good," Olivia said. It was a true statement.

"I was just surprised she went out of town," Elliot said. "I know I would be pissed."

"You're the one that said she couldn't put it off," Olivia said.

"That's what she said, but come on Liv, things haven't been good with you and Alex for a while," he said. "I mean, I'm not trying to be rude, but she's been acting pretty bitchy lately, even with you being gone."

Olivia took a drink of her beer and just raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I think she's under pressure from the new administration and Liz. She hasn't talked to me about it; other than hitting the roof about me going undercover."

"Yeah, Kathy doesn't like it when I do it," he nodded.

"No, I mean, we had a fight about it," Olivia said. "She told me I couldn't do it."

"Well, you could have said no," he said.

"Elliot, would have have said no?" she asked. He shook his head no. "I just something she is going to have to accept and deal with."

"Ah, I've heard this talk too many times," a voice from behind them said. They turned around and saw Kathy coming to join them outside. "Alex wasn't happy with you going undercover, was she?"

"To put it mildly," Olivia said. "In fact, she told me no."

Kathy laughed. "How did that work out for you two?" It was a rhetorical question. "Listen, Liv, you may not want my opinion here, but I'm going to give you some words of wisdom from someone who has been married to a cop for a very long time."

Olivia nodded, indicating she wanted Kathy to go on...at least she thought she did.

"I say a prayer for Elliot every morning when he leaves the house. I fear for his life every day, and especially when he's on special assignments or undercover. Yes, I've learned to cope with it better over the years, but only because I had no choice. I'll never accept it, and I'll never like it.

"I know you are going to say that Alex should understand. That she's an ADA and knows the dangers of being involved with a cop. That she sets up undercover assignments all the time and sends you all out into dangerous situations. And I'm sure that in her head, she does understand it; probably even more than I do. But in her heart, none of that matters when you're in love with someone. Logic goes out the door.

"So, all I'm saying is, give her a little grace and a little time to figure out if it's something she can live with or not," Kathy finished.

Olivia said goodbye to Elliot and Kathy and thanked them for dinner before heading back to her motel room. She left a short note for Elliot to give Alex when he saw her Monday. More than anything, she wanted Alex to know that she loved her and missed her.

 _My Dearest, Alex, I'm sorry that I couldn't see you, but I hope things are well with your parents. I can't wait for this to be over. I just wanted you to know that I miss you like crazy and that I love you. Always. Love, Olivia_

#

The third week undercover was tough and things were moving fast. So fast that Olivia didn't even have a chance to check in with Elliot at the end of the week. She had almost successfully infiltrated the group and was being "vetted" to see if they could turn her out as a prostitute. Of course, part of that process involved her taking a pretty bad beating. The other UC offered to pull her out and send her to the hospital, but she refused, saying they were too close to stop. Besides, a busted lip and bruised face wasn't anything she hadn't seen before. Looking in the mirror, however, she had to admit - she looked like hell.

Friday afternoon, Alex strolled into the precinct to drop off a warrant and pulled Elliot aside in an interrogation room. Elliot hadn't heard from Olivia since Wednesday, but so far, he hadn't shared that with Alex. He had reached out to Vice, who only would tell him that everyone was "fine." He didn't like it, but no news was good news, or so he hoped.

"How is Olivia?" Alex asked once her and Elliot were alone.

"She's fine," he said. It was the truth as far as he knew.

"That's it?" Alex said. "Listen, Elliot, if this is about last weekend, I really did have to go out of town to see my parents."

Elliot saw a sincerity in Alex and he didn't want her thinking Olivia was upset about it, because she wasn't.

"No, that's not it," he said and let out a deep breath. "I haven't been able to talk to her since Wednesday."

"What? Why?" she asked.

"I don't know, but I talked to Vice, and they assured me everything is fine," he said.

"I'd like a little more than an assurance she is fine," Alex said. "Have you talked to Cragen? Can he do something?"

"He's aware of the situation and has been given the same assurances by their captain," Elliot said. "This is normal, Alex. You know there are times when UCs can't communicate." He was appealing to her head, as Kathy had mentioned last weekend. "You just need to trust Olivia. She can handle herself."

Alex let out a sigh and relaxed her shoulders, looking down.

"Alex, I have to ask, is everything okay with you and Olivia?" Elliot said. "I know it's not my business, but I've seen how you all have been around each other, and how she's been in general."

"You're right, it's not any of your business," Alex said. Suddenly the relaxed shoulders tensed back up.

"Fair enough, but if something is going on, you need to talk to her sooner rather than later," he said. "She doesn't let a lot of people in, so don't give her any reasons to shut you out."

Alex stared at him for a moment before nodding slightly. She picked up her bag and walked out of the interrogation room, leaving the squad room.

#

Olivia arrived home in the early hours of Sunday morning. It could still be considered Saturday night, but officially, it was Sunday, and Olivia's undercover operation was officially over, a week ahead of schedule.

Things hadn't gone exactly as planned, but the team got the information they needed and made the arrests they were hoping for. Aside from a beaten and bruised Olivia, it had been a success.

It was nearly 4 in the morning. Olivia wanted to go to Alex's apartment, but she also knew that showing up at this time of the morning would scare the crap out of Alex. She also hadn't slept all night and figured she should get a few hours in before she called Alex to let her know she was home.

After a few hours of sleep, Olivia woke up and showered. She tried to cover up some up her bruises, but she knew it wasn't going make any difference. Alex would see them and would probably freak out.

Once she arrived at Alex's apartment, she debated knocking but thought it would be more of a surprise if she just let herself in. At least Alex didn't carry a gun like she did. She could finally laugh about their first weekend uncover.

Olivia quietly unlocked the door. It was 10 in the morning, so she knew Alex would be awake by now. She slipped in quietly and didn't see Alex in the living room, but could hear movement in the bedroom. It was Sunday morning. Alex was probably folding and hanging her laundry. She was right.

Olivia watched Alex from the living room. The blonde stood by the bed, headphones in, folding laundry so that everything was perfectly lined up and wrinkle-free. Olivia smiled She loved watching Alex. It didn't matter what she was doing: court, reading, writing, cooking, folding laundry. Everything she did came with such grace and beauty that it reminded Olivia how in love she was with Alex.

After a few quiet moments, she walked into the bedroom and snuck up behind Alex. She was so unaware when she was focused and had headphones in. Olivia would have to talk to her about that later, but for now, it worked to her advantage. Before Alex realized anyone was even there, Olivia had snaked her hands around the blonde's waist and placed a kiss on her neck.

Alex screamed before turning around and accidently hitting Olivia in her already bruised face.

"Oh my God, Liv!" Alex said. "I'm so sorry. You scared the crap out of me."

Olivia just smiled. "It's okay, Alex," she said. "I wanted to surprise you."

"Your face? Did I do that?" Alex said, finally focusing on the bruises on Olivia's face.

"If I said yes, would you come over here and give me a kiss?" Olivia said, pulled Alex back to her, and in for a kiss.

"That's not funny," Alex said. "Seriously, are you okay? What happened? And why are you here so early?"

"So many questions," Olivia laughed. "Okay, yes, I'm okay. It's just a bruise. Hazards of the job. They felt like they needed to break me, well, 'Donna,' in order to make sure she would be easily controlled. As for why I'm here so early, well, the good news is that the operation is over."

"The bad news?" Alex asked, suspiciously.

"The bad news is that I'm going to have to arrest you for assaulting an officer," Olivia teased.

"Is that right?" Alex said. "I guess I should call Trevor Langan then. I hear he's good at getting people off."

Olivia heard the words come out and could barely contain her laughter. Alex turned bright red.

"Not a word, Olivia," Alex said. "I heard it, too."

Olivia snickered and pulled Alex in for another kiss.

"Speaking of getting off," Alex whispered in Olivia's ear.

"As much as I can't wait for that, Alex," Olivia said. "I'd really like to eat. Maybe we can go to that diner up the street?"

Alex eyed her girlfriend. It was extremely rare for Olivia to turn down an offer of sex, and given that it had been two weeks since they saw each other, she was suspicious, but agreed.

They walked the two blocks to the diner and ordered their food. Olivia filled Alex in on what had gone on for the past two weeks in the operation and how they finally took the group down.

"I can't believe Vice wouldn't send you to a hospital or at least get you checked out," Alex said. "You could have a concussion."

"I told them no," Olivia said and watched Alex's eyes widen. "Alex, they would have had to pull me out, and all the work we had done so far would have been for nothing."

"Those bruises don't look like nothing," Alex said.

"Alex," Olivia said but was interrupted with the server delivered their food.

"We need to talk," Olivia said. "About a few things actually."

Alex sighed. She knew this was coming, Olivia wanting to talk, she just didn't expect it to be in a public place. _Shit! Is she breaking up with me? No. No. No. This can't be happening._

Olivia saw the fear in Alex's eyes and immediately reached out for her hand, after looking around to make sure no one they knew was in the diner.

"Alex, I love you," Olivia started. "But I'm concerned about you. I'm concerned about us. I don't know what is going on with you, and you're not talking to me. You're stressed, more than normal. I've tried being patient and understanding, but you can't shut me out."

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but Olivia cut her off.

"No, let me finish. I want to support you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong. Have I done something wrong? I know this undercover operation was hard on you. It's the first one since we've been together, and while I know that you understand the job, I know it's different with someone that you love. I'm sorry for not being considerate of that. But you have to know Alex, I love my job. I love you more, but this is who I am. I have to know that this is something you can learn to at least cope with without me wondering if you'll be here when I get back."

Olivia was silent as she watched a single tear roll down Alex's face. Her heart broke to see Alex like this, holding in so much.

"My dad has cancer," Alex finally said. Olivia's mouth dropped open before she reached out to take Alex's hand again. She had never met Alex's father, and she knew they weren't super close, but the pain in Alex's eyes was almost too much to watch.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "When did you find out?"

"A couple of months ago," Alex said. Olivia nodded. _So that's what's been bothering Alex._

"Alex, honey, why didn't you talk to me?" Olivia said. "I would have done anything I needed to support you, and your parents. You know that, right?"

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "It's just, uh, complicated."

Olivia knew why it was complicated. Her parents didn't know about them, which wasn't that big of deal since most people didn't. But she still didn't understand why Alex wouldn't tell her.

"I know your parents don't know about us," Olivia said. "But I still could have supported you. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone."

"My parents know about us," Alex said.

"What? Since when?" Olivia said. She was genuinely surprised.

"Months," Alex said. "I actually told my mom early on. She let it slip to dad a few weeks later."

Olivia was confused, and her face showed it.

"I should have told you," Alex said. "My mom was happy. She doesn't quite understand it, but she likes you." Olivia had met Caroline Cabot on a few occasions, as Alex's friend, of course. It made Olivia happy to know Caroline liked her.

"And your dad?" Olivia asked although she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

"He's the complicated part," Alex said. "He doesn't understand. Thinks it's a phase, that I'm destroying my career, and I'm pretty sure thinks I'm going to hell. All to say, since his cancer, he's been even more cranky and outspoken about it, every time I talk to him. It's like he's trying to guilt trip me into not being in love with you."

"Oh," Olivia said. She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be the cause of strife for Alex and her father, especially in his state, but she also knew Alex was old enough to make her own choices.

"I'm watching my father die, basically, knowing that he's angry at me; that I've disappointed him," Alex said. "Last weekend I went up there for one of his treatments and doctor's appointments, hoping to make some amends. It didn't go well. I've I've been here, all alone, not knowing how to deal with it."

"So you've been dealing with this, alone, afraid of losing him, and your girlfriend volunteers for a risky undercover assignment?" Olivia said, finally realizing where all of Alex's stress and anger had been coming from. Alex gave her a soft smile. "What can I do to support you?"

"Nothing, Liv," Alex said. "This is something I have to work out with him. Trust me; my mom has tried to talk to him, too."

"I know this may not be the appropriate time to ask, and I'm not trying to pressure you, or cause more problems, but will you move in with me, like now, this week?" Olivia asked. "I know we've been looking for a new place, but nothing seems right. I mean, it doesn't have to be my apartment, it can be yours, I don't care. I just want to live with you. I want to wake up with you every morning, and I don't care where it is. I just don't want you to ever have to feel alone like this again."

Alex smiled again, the fear gone from her eyes, replaced with warmth and love.

"Yes, I would love to move in with you," she said. "Can we start today?"


	24. Chameleon - Part 1

A/N: Season 4 is finally here. This will be a two-parter, so when you get to the end, don't worry.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.01 CHAMELEON - PART 1**

Two months had passed since Alex moved in with Olivia. She was keeping her apartment until her lease was up in another few months, but the bulk of what she wanted or needed had been moved into Olivia's apartment. Things had never been better between the two women.

Alex's relationship with her father was still strained, but her mother had invited them up to visit on the weekend. Olivia had to cancel their Labor Day plans to visit because of work, so they rescheduled a couple weekends later.

At the office, the old Alex was returning. She was playing the game Liz wanted her to play, thinking of her career while being true to herself. It was amazing what the open communication with Olivia had done for Alex. She felt loved and supported, regardless of what was being thrown at her.

They had just finished up the trial of Maggie Peterson, a female serial killer who had also kidnapped a young boy and claimed him as her son. Alex had wanted the death penalty, as did Liz, and they had fought with Lewin, the DA, to get it. Lewin refused. However, after Maggie found out her "son" had been returned to his father, and they knew about the kidnapping, it didn't matter. She killed herself before the plea deal went through. Justice was served, even if it hadn't been the way Alex preferred.

"I can't believe Maggie killed herself," Alex said when they got home from work that day.

"I can," Olivia said. "She was selfish. It was part of her game. The helpless victim who made the ultimate sacrifice for her son. You should have saw her there Alex. Not a hair out of place or wrinkle in her suit."

"Well, I guess everything worked out," Alex said. "Lewin didn't have to piss off female voters by giving the death penalty to the first woman in New York, and Liz and I got Maggie off the streets permanently. Although, I have to say, it would have felt much better to see her die by a needle in the arm after 20 years of thinking about what she did."

"You and Liz seem to be getting along better," Olivia said.

"We are," Alex said. "Although, even though she knows about us, I'm a little afraid of what she's going to say when we do disclose. We're doing that next week, right?"

"Alex, if you want to wait, because of Liz, we can," Olivia said. "I don't want to put you in a hard position."

A few months ago the statement would have pissed Alex off. She would have accused Olivia of not being committed to their relationship or having doubts. Not this time, though. She knew Olivia was doing it out of concern for her.

"No, Liv, I don't want to wait," Alex said. "I appreciate the gesture, but it's time. Besides, as long as I'm playing by Liz's rules, I can handle her."

Olivia smiled. She was ready, too. If it were up to her, she would shout it from the rooftops, but disclosing was enough for her. Heck, Alex even choosing to be in her life, regardless of whether anyone else knew or not, was enough for her.

"What time do we need to leave in the morning?" Olivia asked.

"I told Mom we would be there by 10 o'clock," Alex said. "She wanted to have brunch, so we'll need to leave by 8." Alex noticed Olivia had tensed up slightly while they were eating dinner - ham and cheese sandwiches and carrots, an Olivia special.

"Are you nervous?" Alex asked.

Olivia paused before answering. "Yeah, I am," Olivia said. "I mean, this is the first time meeting your parents. Who wouldn't be?"

"You've met my mother," Alex said.

"I met your mother as your friend," Olivia said. "Not as the person sharing a bed with her. By the way, have you told them you moved in here?"

Alex bit her lip and held back a shy look, setting down her empty plate.

"Oh great!" Olivia said. "You're going to make me be witness to that, too." She rolled her eyes and smiled Alex.

"What? You promised you would support me," Alex said. "And trust me, I'm going to need some support for this."

"That doesn't help me be less nervous, you know," Olivia said.

"What about this?" Alex said and leaned over to kiss Olivia.

"That's a start," Olivia grinned.

"Well, what about this?" Alex said and began kissing behind Olivia's ear, moving down her neck.

"Mmmm," Olivia moaned. "That helps a lot, but make sure you don't leave any marks. I'd hate it if the first thing your father saw on his daughter's girlfriend were the love marks you left."

"You're no fun," Alex said.

"That's not what you said last weekend when we -," Olivia said before Alex covered her mouth.

"You promised to never say out loud what we did," Alex said. "And if you ever want it to happen again, you'll honor that promise."

"Fine, come here," Olivia said, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist and pulling her closer on to her on the couch. "How did I ever get so lucky to deserve someone like you?"

"It must be all those rapists and murderers that you put away," Alex said.

"I don't know, you do the same thing, and if we're comparing, I'd say you drew the short end of the stick," Olivia said.

"Yeah, but you have to do all the dangerous stuff," Alex said. "And I don't think getting to watch you perp slam a rapist on a regular basis is me drawing the short end of the stick. I'm lucky that I get to watch my hot girlfriend do it." She pushed Olivia down on the couch and laid on top of her. "Speaking of hot, do you know how many times I've fantasized about getting a perp slam from you in the interrogation room?"

Olivia swallowed, trying to control herself as her core immediately began to throb. She closed her eyes as Alex's lips trailed over her neck and her tongue and mouth licked and sucked on her ear. Normally, she liked to be an active participant, but Olivia could barely move right now. They were still fully clothed and she was nearly to the point of exploding from the light pressure Alex's thigh was placing between her legs.

"You're awfully quiet, Detective," Alex whispered before nibbling her hear. "Something you want to say?"

"I love you so much," Olivia whispered. She knew Alex was expecting pleas of passion, but it was the only words that would come out of her mouth.

Alex raised her head up. She was surprised. Not because of what Olivia said. She told her that every day. But because the way she said it. The love and sincerity that came through, and the look in Olivia's eyes almost made Alex tear up. She felt the same way, too, of course. She had also expected a plea or a growl for them to go to the bedroom. Olivia was pretty focused when it came to making love. She was always sweet, but Alex had never heard those words quite like that in the middle of their love-making.

She leaned in and kissed Olivia on the lips, pushing her tongue into Olivia's mouth, and letting her feel the desire and love she was also feeling. She slipped a hand between them and slid it into Olivia's pants. She knew it wasn't going to take much and she smiled thinking about how turned on she could still make Olivia with even the slightest of gestures.

"I love you, too, Olivia," Alex said, before moving her fingers underneath Olivia's panties and rubbing circles around her clit. It took less than a minute before Olivia was screaming and her hips bucked up, nearly throwing Alex to the floor.

Olivia lay there, trying to catch her breath. Alex was still laying on top of her. She moved both her hands up to the side of Olivia's face, pushing her hair back and looking intently at her.

"I love you, Olivia," Alex said. "Don't ever question how you got so lucky to deserve me? You deserve all of this and more. I am just as lucky as you are, okay? And tomorrow? You're going to be fine. My mother already likes you. Once she sees how much I love you, and more importantly, how much you love me, she's going to love you, too. As for my father, well, he'll either come around, or he won't. But that's not on you. That's on him."

Olivia smiled and raised her head up to kiss Alex.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Alex," Olivia said.

"Likewise," Alex said. "Now, let's clean up and get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow."

* * *

A/N 2: Yes, we'll be taking a trip to meet the parents.


	25. Chameleon - Part 2

A/N: Holy crap this is a way long chapter. I didn't mean for it to be so long, but there was so much I wanted and needed to fit it. It gets kind of emotional, too. I apologize for typos (as usualy), but especially this one, since it's so much longer than normal. I got tired of going back through it :)

As for the question about what Alex and Olivia did that they can't speak of, I'll throw that in another chapter. I won't forget it.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.01 CHAMELEON - PART 2**

Alex and Olivia arrived at the Cabot residence well ahead of schedule, thanks mostly to Alex's lead foot. Oliva did a crossword puzzle most of the way, ignoring the excessive speeding by her girlfriend.

"Are you ready for this?" Alex asked after parking the car in the driveway. Olivia could see Alex's mom open the front door of the house.

"What would happen if I said no?" Olivia asked.

"I'd tell you to suck it up," Alex teased. "You're stuck with me now. Now, let's go inside so we can eat. I'm starved."

They got out of the car, grabbing their bags and headed for the front door. Caroline Cabot walked out on the sidewalk to greet them.

"Alex!" Caroline said, giving Alex a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. "I'm so glad to see you."

"You too, Mom," Alex said and glancing over at Olivia.

"And Olivia, I'm glad to see you again, too," she said, embracing the brunette, which came as a surprise to Olivia.

"It's good to see you, too, Mrs. Cabot," Olivia said.

"Oh, stop that, Olivia," Caroline said. "Rule number one to dating my daughter: you must call me Caroline. And no matter what her father may say, you can call him John."

Olivia nodded and gave an uneasy smile.

"Come on," she said, pushing them along to the house. "I'm just about to finish up brunch. I hope you brought your appetites because I may have overdone it a little, and you father just called to say he was running late from the golf course."

Once inside the house, Olivia looked around. It was almost like she had imagined, but a little more homey and normal, which Olivia liked. It made her feel comfortable, and she smiled thinking of Alex as a child running around through this house. Of course, she smiled thinking of Alex doing anything. It didn't take much.

"Sweetie, why don't you and Olivia stay in the upstairs guest room," Caroline said. "The bed is a little bigger than the one in your old room. Not fit for two grown adults to sleep comfortably anyway. I changed the sheets this morning."

Alex and Olivia shared a nervous glance. Alex had warned Olivia that her parents would most likely have them sleeping in separate rooms, especially since her dad was still not open to the idea of his daughter dating a woman. In fact, her parents had never offered for anyone Alex was dating to share a room with her.

"Please, girls," Caroline said. "I'm not naive enough to think you're not sleeping together. You're adults, so there is no need to pretend...or sneak anyone into your room at night." She smirked at Alex when she said that.

"You knew about that?" Alex asked, cheeks red from embarrassment. On more than one occasion she had snuck her college boyfriend into her bedroom when he visited for holidays and summer weekends.

"Alexandra, there is probably very little you did that I don't know about, or couldn't at least guess," Caroline said. "Besides, how do you think your father and I ended up with your older sister? Trust me, most people do not just get pregnant on their honeymoon. But in our case, thank goodness we were already close to getting married, or else your grandfather may have killed your father."

"Please, stop," Alex said rolling her eyes as Olivia snickered.

"Okay, but hurry and put your things away," Caroline said. "Brunch is ready to be served."

"And dad knows about this?" Alex said.

"About me getting knocked up before we were married? Of course he knows," Caroline said.

"Ew. Again, stop," Alex said. "And I meant, Dad is okay with us sharing a room?"

"Don't you worry about your father," Caroline said. "I'll handle him."

Alex and Olivia quickly put their things in the guest room and made their way back downstairs for brunch. Caroline was right, there was a lot of food. Bacon, sausage, waffles, scrambled eggs, fruit, and mimosas.

"I didn't know what you liked to eat, Olivia, so I made a little of everything," Caroline said. "Alex never responded to my message asking her."

"When did you ask me?" Alex said. She didn't remember a call from her mother.

"Earlier this week," she said. "I called you at home because I'm always afraid I'll set your cell phone off while you're in court. Don't you ever check your messages, Alex?"

 _At my apartment? No, because I live at Olivia's place now._ No, now wasn't the time for that conversation yet.

"Oh, I must have missed it," Alex said, giving Olivia a nervous look. "It's been a busy week for us. Besides, I'm responsible enough to turn my cell phone off before court. It really is the best way to get ahold of me. I don't even need a home phone, really."

"You young people and your technology," she smiled. "Somethings I'll never understand."

"Well, the food is wonderful, Mrs. Cab- er, Caroline," Olivia said, attempting to rescue Alex from the awkward conversation about her living situation. "Thank you for having me."

"Well, I just hope we get to see more of you," Caroline said. "It's nice to see Alex relaxed and smiling for a change instead of obsessed with work."

"How's dad?" Alex finally asked, as they were finishing up their meal.

"He's getting some strength back," Caroline said. "The doctors don't have much of a timetable other than he's not well. But you know your father, he's taking every opportunity he can to be on the golf course. Speak of the devil, I think I hear him coming in the door."

John Cabot was a tall man, with broad shoulders. Olivia had seen photos before, but in person, he looked even more intimidating. Olivia was glad, in that moment, that she was a woman, because had she been a guy coming home with Alex, she would have been afraid he would pull out the shotgun and give her the "you hurt her, I'll kill you" lecture.

He walked over to the dining room table and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek. Alex and Olivia stood, and Alex walked over to give him a hug.

"Daddy, it's good to see you," Alex said. "You're looking well."

"Golf does that for me," he smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Olivia knew immediately where Alex got her smile. "And I'm glad you're here."

"Dad, this is my girlfriend, Olivia Benson," Alex said. "She's a detective with SVU. Olivia, this is my dad, John Cabot."

His smile disappeared, and he eyed Olivia, but he stuck out his hand to shake hers.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Cabot," Olivia said.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Olivia," he said. Caroline gave him a sideways glare. "Please, call me John."

Olivia nodded and allowed herself to breath.

"Johnny, we're just finishing up our meal, but there are plenty of leftovers," Caroline said. "You can grab a plate from the kitchen if you want some, otherwise, I'll put it away now. I want to take the girls to the farmer's market before it closes so we can something for dinner tonight."

"I'll take care of it," he said, making his way to the kitchen for a plate.

Olivia and Alex joined Caroline at the farmer's market and picked up some vegetables for dinner before returning home. It was still early afternoon so Caroline packed them up some waters and apples and sent them off to go enjoy the beach for the afternoon.

They arrived back at the house around 5 o'clock, just enough time to shower off the sand and sweat from the beach and get ready for dinner later.

Alex hopped in the shower first, calling out to Olivia once she got in. The bathroom was attached to the bedroom.

"Liv, why don't you join me?" Alex said, poking her head out of the curtain.

"Are you kidding?" Olivia said. "No way, I'll just wait until you're done. Besides, they'll be expecting to hear the shower turn on and off twice."

Alex laughed. "You know, first off, not everyone is a cop and notices those things," she said. "Secondly, you're cute when you're nervous."

"And you're incorrigible," Olivia said, returning to the bedroom, leaving Alex alone and pouting.

After Olivia's shower, the two of them headed downstairs for dinner. The plan was to tell Alex's parents over dinner that they were living together and that Alex was getting rid of her apartment when the lease was up. To say Olivia was nervous would be an understatement, but she trusted Alex to handle it the way she saw it. They were her parents, after all.

When they arrived in the living room, they could hear a heated discussion happening in the kitchen, which stopped them in their tracks.

"I can't believe you put them in the same room without talking to me," John said. "I mean, this is still our house. She needs to learn to respect our rules."

"Your rules," Caroline said. "I don't have a problem with her and Olivia sharing a room, or bed for that matter."

"It's disrespectful, and it's just wrong," John said.

"Which part? Our adult daughter having a sex life or her dating a woman?" Caroline said. John shuttered at the mention of Alex's sex life.

"We've been over this," he said. "I don't have a problem with gay people."

"Just your daughter being gay," Caroline snapped.

"I don't care about that; at least I'm over that part of it," he said. "But it's my job to worry about her future. She's stubborn enough as it is, but being gay is not going to help her political career."

Alex had heard enough. She stormed into the kitchen, leaving Olivia behind to catch up with her.

"I am a grown up who can make my own decisions about my life," Alex said. "I don't need you protecting me and trying to control my life."

"Alex," her mother warned, seeing the fire in Alex's eyes.

"Let's just eat dinner and not talk about this right now," John said.

"When would you like to talk about it, father?" Alex yelled. "Or are you just putting it off until you're dead."

"Alexandra!" Caroline shouted. Olivia reached out and grabbed Alex's hand, seeing her eyes filled with tears, and pulled her into the living room.

"What are you doing, Alex?" Olivia said, in a hushed tone.

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago," Alex said. "Let's go. I'm not staying here. We'll get a hotel."

Olivia sighed. "Alex, you know I would do anything to make you happy, but I'm not letting you do this," she said.

"Do what?" Alex snapped. Someone else was telling her what she could and couldn't do.

"I'm not letting you destroy your relationship with your father over me," Olivia said. "We are not leaving, because if we leave, I'll never be able to forgive myself for causing you these problems."

"You're not the problem, he is," Alex said. "But by all means, continue telling me what I can and can't do. See how well that works out for you."

"Alex, please," Olivia said.

"No, you're just as bad as him," Alex said. "I don't need his protection, and I don't need yours either. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pack."

Alex walked away from Olivia and stomped up the stairs. Olivia watched her go and turned to see Caroline watching from the doorway. Olivia started to follow.

"No, I'll go," Caroline said. "Trust me, you don't want to go in there right now. But I suspect that you already know that."

Olivia smiled.

"I probably should tell you this, particularly not right now, but Alex and I were going to tell you tonight that we've moved in together," Olivia said.

"I figured as much," Caroline said. "I mean, I figured it wasn't official, that she was probably staying with you most of the time. I figured it out after the third unanswered message to Alex's home phone this week. In fact, I was going to ask early, but I saw how nervous it made you both, so I figured I'd let her do it in her own time."

Olivia let out a breath and gave Caroline a smile.

"Would you mind to cover up dinner and turn the stove off?" Caroline asked. "I have a feeling it will be a little while before we get to it. I'll go talk to Alex."

Caroline disappeared up the stairs, and Olivia made her way to the kitchen. When she arrived in there, John was still in there, looking down at the stove and pressing buttons. He looked up when he heard her come in.

"I can ever figure out how to work this oven," he said. "Would you mind helping me turn it off, Olivia?"

Olivia walked over and found the correct button, turning it off. He worked on covering up the rest of the food.

"Thank you," he said. "You may not want to, and feel free to say no, but do you want to come to my den with me for a drink? I know I could use one about right now, and from the sound of earlier, you could, too."

She nodded and followed him out of the kitchen. _God, I hope he doesn't keep his guns in the den_ , she thought briefly.

"Do you drink bourbon?" John asked Olivia, pouring himself a glass.

"Yes, sir," she said. He continued what he was doing and poured a second glass for her, handing it to her and nodding for her to sit down on the black leather couch. He took a seat in the matching chair next to it.

"Olivia, you should know something," he started. "I love my daughter. I love all of my kids and want nothing but the best for them."

Olivia sat silently, sipping her bourbon, and knowing her only job right now was to listen.

"I honestly don't have a problem with Alex dating a woman, dating you," he said. "I mean, yes, I admit, I can be pig-headed and didn't respond well when she told me. And you would think getting cancer and going through this, would have made me more understanding. But it didn't, at least for a while.

"After Alex left the last time, I think you were undercover then, she said, Caroline let me have it. I don't understand this, what it is between you two. And I am stubborn and overreact to things. But you have to know, this isn't about you. It has never been about you."

Olivia nodded. She was mostly following him, but unsure of where he was going.

"My concern has always been about Alex's future," he said. "She's my baby girl, even if she's not a baby anymore, and she is brilliant and has so much potential to make change."

"She does," Olivia said. "I know that."

"So, as a father, it's hard for me to sit by and watch when she is putting her own obstacles in her way," he said. "I am too controlling. I am too protective. But, I'm also dying, and I haven't responded well to something that I can't control, so as you can imagine, I've been trying to do it in other areas that I can control, like my family."

Olivia smiled slightly. _Like father, like daughter._

"My point, here, Olivia, is that I can see that you love her," he said. "I mean, just the look in your eyes earlier, when you pulled her out of the kitchen, told me everything I needed to know. You want to protect her and take care of her. That, I can understand and related to. But what I see that you are better at than me is that you still let her make her own decisions. Putting up with Alexandra isn't easy, I know more than anyone.

"And she loves you, too. Trust me, if she didn't, she be living with you," he said, and Olivia's eyes widened. "I've known for weeks. I didn't tell her mother, but I knew. I was in the city a few weeks ago and stopped by her place one evening, to apologize actually. She wasn't there, and when I asked the doorman, he mentioned that he had barely seen her recently. When I called her mother, and she told me Alex had just hung up the phone with her and told her she was relaxing at home, I knew something was up, since she clearly wasn't there."

"We were going to tell you tonight," Olivia said. He waved his hand, telling her not to worry about it.

"I figured as much, which is why I overreacted to you sharing a room here," he said. "My one last thing I was trying to control with Alex. Just do me a favor, promise me that you'll always put her first. She needs someone like you."

"I don't' know if Alex _needs_ anyone or anything," Olivia joked.

"You're right, she doesn't," he said. "That's the way that we raised her - independent - not realizing we'd have hell to pay for later with her. But, there is something about you, whatever it is, that has made her stick her neck out both personally and professionally. I mean, she's never stood up to me the way that she has over you. I hope you realize what a special woman she is."

"I do, John," Olivia said. "I really do."

He poured them another glass of bourbon.

"Do you plan on marrying her?" he asked. Olivia's mouth dropped open in shock. "I mean, I know it's not legal in New York yet, but it will be some day. And, you are living with her."

"Well, we haven't talked about it at length," she said. "I mean, we've talked about our future, how some day we'd like to have kids, but I don't think she's ready for marriage yet. But, yes, I do want to marry her someday."

"Good," he said. "I mean, if she's really going to do this, I want it to be with someone who knows she's worth it, and who is worth it for her."

"I know that she is worth it, and I try to be worth it for her everyday," Olivia said.

"Well, for what it's worth, and I know it may not be worth anything to you right now, but I want you to know that, if and when the day comes that you want to ask her to marry you, you have my blessing," he said. "I mean, let's face it, I'm probably not going to be around for it."

Olivia suddenly found herself on the verge of tears. Or maybe it was the two glasses of strong bourbon.

"Thank you, John," she said.

"No, thank you, Olivia," he said. "And I want you to know that I'm sorry about all of this. Now, let's go find the women and see if they're finally ready for dinner."

#

Upstairs, Caroline had found Alex throwing clothes into her luggage, tears streaming down her face. She walked over to her and put her hand on Alex's back. Alex sat down on the bed and buried her head into her much shorter mother's shoulder as Caroline embraced her.

"It's okay, baby," Caroline said. "It will be okay. Just give him some time."

"I don't know how much more time he has, that's the problem," Alex said, sobbing now.

"Shhh, let it out," Caroline said. "I know, and I'm just as scared as you are. But your father loves you, and he's coming around. It may not have shown tonight, but he is."

Alex stayed like that, in her mother's arms for a long time. Not wanting to let go. Afraid to let go. Her mother always made her feel so safe and loved, and up until recently, her father had, too.

"Alex, please don't go tonight," Caroline said. "Listen to Olivia. She loves you."

"I know," Alex said. "I shouldn't have yelled at her."

"Well, knowing you, I imagine she's heard worse," Caroline said, giving her daughter a kiss on the head. Alex smiled sheepishly. "Now, let's go back downstairs and have some dinner. You and Olivia can talk tonight."

Alex nodded and followed her mother downstairs. When they arrived, they were both surprised to see John and Olivia in the kitchen, warming up the dinner and getting the food back out.

"Oh, you're just in time," John said. "Olivia and I were afraid we'd have to heat this food up a third time."

Alex gave her mother a strange look and then looked to Olivia with the same expression. Olivia just smiled and carried a couple of bowls out to the dining room table.

Alex followed Olivia to the dining room and took a seat at the table next to her.

"What is going on?" she leaned in and whispered to Olivia.

"We'll talk about it later," Olivia said. "But I'm glad we're staying."

Dinner was pleasant. The food wasn't what Caroline had hoped since it had been reheated, but the company and the conversation went well. John asked a lot of questions about Olivia's job and what it was like working with SVU.

Alex never brought up living with Olivia. She had no idea that both her parents already knew, but she didn't want to start another fight with her father.

After dinner, they all retired to the living room with their dessert, tea, and a baseball game. Alex still wasn't sure what had happened between Olivia and her father, but whatever it was, she was happy that no one was fighting.

"I'm going to head up to bed," Alex said. "Liz called earlier with a question, so I want to call her back. You coming?"

Olivia looked up. She had a good talk with John earlier, and he had come around, but she still was still nervous about them sharing a room. It was his house, after all.

"I'll be there in a bit," Olivia said. Alex nodded and leaned down to give Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

Alex's dad got up and walked over and gave his daughter a hug. "Goodnight, baby girl," he said. "I love you. We'll talk tomorrow." He gave her a smile and a wink and sent her on her way.

Caroline picked up their dishes and excused herself to the kitchen, leaving Olivia along with John for the second time that night. After about 30 more minutes of baseball, and talking about the Yankees, John muted the tv and turned toward Olivia.

"I know what you're doing," he said. She gave him a confused looking, hoping she hadn't done anything to upset him. "You're living with my daughter. I suppose I can accept you and her sharing a room. Do you plan on sleeping in here?" They both laughed.

"Go. She probably needs you tonight."

Olivia got up and nodded. "Thank you. Goodnight," she said, before joining Alex in the bedroom.

Alex was already in bed, sitting up with a book and her glasses on.

"Hey, I was beginning to wonder if you were going to sleep downstairs, or if my dad killed you," Alex said with a soft smile.

Olivia walked over to Alex and leaned down to give her a kiss.

"I'm still alive," Olivia said. "And I think things will be okay with your dad."

Alex gave her questioning look. "You know you're going to have to tell me what you and he talked about earlier."

"I will, but you should talk to him tomorrow first," Olivia said. I'm going to change into my pajamas. I'll be right back.

A few minutes later, she crawled into bed with Alex, who had put away her book and glasses. Once Olivia was in bed, Alex turned off the lamp and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend.

"I love you," Alex said. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier."

"I forgive you," Olivia said. "And I love you, too."

"So, tonight went okay in spite of earlier," Alex said. Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't bring up us living together. I just didn't want to risk having another fight."

"Actually, about that," Olivia said.

"What, Liv?" Alex said before Olivia could finish. "Oh God, please tell me you haven't changed your mind. Please tell me my dad didn't say something."

"What I was trying to say is that, yes, you should tell them, but you're parents already know," Olivia said.

"What? How?" Alex said.

"Well, I told your mom earlier, before she joined you upstairs," Olivia said. "I know I should have let you, but she already had a pretty good idea because you never return her calls when she calls you at home."

"Oh, I guess I didn't think about that," Alex said. "But you told my dad, too?"

"That's the funny part," Olivia said. "He already knew. He's known for weeks. Apparently he came to see you a few weeks ago when he was in the city. To apologize, actually, and your doorman told him he hadn't seen you in a while."

"Ugh, Kevin," Alex said.

"Listen, like I said, I want you to talk to your dad tomorrow, but just know that things will be okay," Olivia said.

"I believe you," Alex said. "And I will. Thank you, Olivia."

"For what?" Olivia said.

"Just for being you," Alex said. "Now, I don't suppose I can talk you into having a little fun tonight, can I?"

Olivia pressed her lips to Alex, giving Alex hope that they were going to enjoy some adult fun.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said. "But not a chance. I saw your dad's gun cabinet."

Alex rolled her eyes and kissed Olivia back before they both drifted off the sleep.

#

The next morning, Alex and Olivia joined Caroline in the living room.

"Alex, your father will be out in a few minutes," Caroline said. "He was hoping to take you to breakfast this morning. I thought maybe I could convince Olivia to go with me to the market."

"Of course," Olivia said.

"Good, then it's settled," Caroline said. "If you're ready now, we can pick up breakfast on the way."

Olivia left with Caroline and Alex waited for her father to come out to join her.

"Allie, I take it your mother asked if you wanted to have breakfast with me?" he said.

"Yes," she said. "Sounds good, dad. I'm ready when you are."

They drove out to a small little diner in town. It was less touristy than some of the places on the beach, and it was the place her father had been bringing her since she was a kid for pancakes. It was their special place. Her mother hated it because it wasn't clean enough, she said.

"Alex, it's been a while. It's good to see you," Mary, the waitress said when they settled into their booth. "John, I'd say it's good to see you, but I see your ugly mug every day." They all shared a laugh. "I'm just kidding. Alex, I love your father. He's one of my best customers and only one of these old men who even bother leaving a tip for their coffee."

"It's good to see you, too, Mary," Alex said.

"Short stack of pancakes and coffee?" Mary asked Alex.

"You still remember," Alex said. "Yes, please."

Mary headed back to the kitchen without even asking what John wanted. She knew.

"Did Olivia tell you what we talked about last night?" John asked. Much like Alex, he didn't see any point of beating around the bush.

"No, other than she said you talked, and that I should talk to you today," Alex said.

"Hmm, maybe I can learn to love Olivia, after all," he smiled. "Gotta like someone who knows when to speak and when to listen. Anyway, sweetie, I want you to know, first of all, that I love you. You know that, right?"

Alex nodded.

"I know I can be overbearing and controlling at times," he said. "And with this cancer stuff, well, I've felt very helpless. It's not a good look for me, and you can ask your mother, I've not been handling it well. I've been a bear to live with, even more than normal.

"I've always only wanted what is best for you, but over the past few weeks, since the last time you were here, your mother has helped me realize that you're an adult. Not only that but apparently you're more than capable of figuring out on your own what is best for you."

Alex laughed at the comment and continued listening.

"Now, don't tell your mother all of that, but the woman really is a Saint," he said. "Listen, I don't have a problem with you dating Olivia, or any other man or woman. I apologize for not handling it well when you told me and for being stubborn about it all this time. I just, well, I just want good things for you. No hardships. Smooth sailing, but I also understand now that, this is the path you've chosen, and if anyone can overcome the obstacles on the way to meeting their dreams, it's you."

"Thank you for saying that, Dad," Alex said. "But what about last night, your fight with mom?"

"That was a moment of feeling like I had no control," he said. "I don't pretend to understand your relationship with Olivia, but more than anything, you're my baby girl. Controlling who is sleeping where in my house felt like that last little part of your life I had any say in."

"Daddy, you'll always have a say in my life," Alex said.

"I know, sweetie, but I just sometimes feel like everything is slipping away from me," he said. "More than anything, any dreams I have for you, or you have for yourself, I want you to be happy and loved. I can see now that Olivia makes you happy, and she loves you. I could see it in her eyes last night, and it broke my heart to think I had tried to stop that kind of love from happening in your life."

Alex reached out to take her Dad's hand.

"She does make me happy, and I love her," Alex said. "She loves me, too."

"I know that," he said. "She convinced me of that. So, what I'm saying is, I'm sorry for being a pig-headed jerk. I love you, and I want you to know that if Olivia is the person that you're willing to stand up to me, and fight me for, then I love her, too."

"I love you, too, Dad," Alex said.

"I just hope Olivia knows what she's in for," he said with a laugh.

Mary brought their food shortly after that. "Sorry, it took so long," she explained. "The kitchen was backed up." She gave John a wink when he curled his nose at her comment, seeing as how the diner was almost empty, aside from the coffee drinkers.

"Thanks, Mary," he said.

He and Alex finished up their breakfast, caught up on life and John's doctor's appointments, and headed back to the house. When they arrived, Olivia was helping to unload the last of the groceries out of Caroline's car and carrying them into the house.

After an early dinner, Alex and Olivia said goodbye and headed back to the city, relaxed and ready to face the week ahead.

Alex filled Olivia in on her conversation with her dad, and Olivia told Alex all about her trip to the market with Caroline.

"So, is that all you and my dad talked about last night?" Alex asked.

"That about covers it," Olivia said. It was her turn to drive on the way back. Alex had had an especially emotional weekend, so she offered since the Sunday night traffic back into the city was usually a beast.

"What do you mean it _about_ covers it?" Alex asked, suspiciously. "What else did you talk about?"

"I just mean that anything else we discussed is of a private and confidential nature," Olivia smirked. "And that's all I'm going to say about it. Like I said, I've seen your father's gun cabinet."

Alex narrowed her eyes on Olivia and smiled. "Fine, but could you step on it a little, Liv," she said. "Somebody wouldn't have sex with me all weekend because of that gun cabinet, and I'd like to get some before court tomorrow."

Olivia gave Alex a sideways glance and smile, before putting her foot farther down on the gas pedal.


	26. Deception

A/N: Took a couple days off for a side trip. But, I'm back and ready to plow through some early Season 4. More sweetness ahead. Also, thank you for all the reviews. I love hearing from you all (good and bad).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.02 DECEPTION**

"I will never understand women like Gloria Stanfield," Olivia said as she poured a glass of beer from the pitcher on the table at the bar. "I mean, she's raised Kyle since he was 10. He's her son whether the law makes that distinction or not."

"Oh, Gloria never loved Kyle, she was just using him," Elliot said. "She certainly didn't look at him the way she's been looking at you. ' _I kiss everyone, Detective.'_ I mean, I thought she was going to demonstrate right there."

"Excuse me?" Alex said. Her head snapped toward Olivia.

"It's nothing, Alex," Olivia said. "Elliot is just reading innuendo into everything."

"Well, let's not forget when you opened the car door for her, ' _Thank you, Detective Benson. And they say chivalry is dead',_ Elliot continued with a laugh. "Seriously, Liv, no one says _Detective_ to you like that and doesn't want to take you to bed. I mean, just listen to the way Alex says it."

Alex glared at both Olivia and Elliot.

"Well, I'm fortunate enough that the only person I want in my bed is sitting right next to me," Olivia said and gave Alex a wink.

"On that note," Elliot said, "I need to get home to Kathy and the kids." He finished his beer and threw some money on the table for the tip.

"Us, too," Olivia said. "It's been a long couple of weeks."

Twenty minutes later, Olivia and Alex arrived home, both exhausted from the day and the case they just finished.

"Tomorrow, do you want to officially talk to Cragen and Donnelly together, so we can disclose?" Olivia asked. "I know we meant to do it last week, but got busy."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan," Alex said as she changed out of her work clothes and into her pajamas. "I'll see when Liz is available, as I'm sure her schedule will be the toughest to pin down."

Olivia wandered back into the living room after changing and turned the TV on. Alex followed soon after, sitting on the couch and leaning up against Olivia.

"Liv, can I ask you a question?" Alex said. Olivia nodded. "Why didn't you mention Gloria hitting on you?"

"Seriously, Alex? I don't know, I didn't think it was important," Olivia said. "It's not like I was interested. I mean, am I supposed to tell you every time someone hits on me?" Her voice was calm and curious, gentle in nature.

"No, of course not," Alex said. "But I mean, I saw it, too. She was pretty determined. It clearly wasn't just a one-off kind of thing. Wait, what did you mean when you said _every time_ someone hits on you? Does that happen a lot?"

"Uhhh," Olivia said.

"Liv," Alex replied.

"It happens on a semi-regular basis," Olivia said. "Elliot gets hit on, too. I think I just get it more because I get it from both men and women. Elliot only gets the women."

Alex sat up, arms crossed, with a smirk on her face.

"Do I detect a bit of jealousy in you, counselor?" Olivia teased.

"Maybe," Alex said, still smirking. "I just don't like it when other people call you detective in _my_ tone. I'm the only one who gets to do that."

"I assure you, Counselor, you have nothing to worry about," Olivia said.

"I don't know," Alex said. "I mean, a couple of weeks ago Elliot was talking about the woman at the strip club hitting on you, and joked you were checking her out, too."

"I was not!" Olivia said, laughing. "But in my defense, if I was, it was only because she was my type."

Alex gave her a curious look.

"Blonde and tall, with killer legs," Olivia said, as she reached out and ran a hand over Alex's legs.

"So, you admit you were checking her out?" Alex said, in her courtroom voice.

"I will invoke my fifth amendment right," Olivia said before pausing at Alex's teasing stare. "So I may notice attractive women as I know you do as well, Counselor, but in all seriousness, you're the only person I ever want to come home to."

"I know, but it's fun teasing you," Alex said. She leaned in and gave Olivia a kiss. "But if I ever see Gloria Stanfield again, I may punch her in the face. Now, _detective_ , you need to take me to bed."

"As you wish."

#

The following day Alex spent much of the morning in court, but they made plans to talk to Liz during lunch about officially disclosing their relationship.

Olivia sat at her desk that morning in a daze, finishing up some paperwork. The ring of her phone snapped her out of it, and she quickly answered.

"Benson."

"Olivia, it's Caroline, Alex's mother," the voice on the other end said. "I couldn't reach Alex, and it's important I speak with her."

"She's in court this morning, Caroline, but I'd be happy to have her call you," Olivia replied. "I'm supposed to see her at lunch."

"Actually, could you do something else for me?" Caroline said.

Olivia listened carefully for the next several minutes. John Cabot had fallen ill over the past week. It started out as a common cold, but his body was too weak to fight it off. It was everything the doctors had prepared them for, yet even still, they weren't prepared. The doctors asked that the family come and come soon. John didn't have much time. Caroline wanted Olivia to bring Alex, to drive her and stay with her, if she was able.

"Of course, Caroline," Olivia said. "You know I'd do anything for Alex. She'll be out of court in a couple of hours. I'll take care of everything and get her there as soon as possible."

She hung up the phone and sat in silence for a moment before she heard Elliot's voice calling her.

"Benson," he said. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Alex's father," she said. Elliot knew exactly what was going on.

"What do you need?" he said.

"Can you go to our apartment and get some clothes?" she said. "No, that won't work. Alex will kill me if you go through her underwear drawer."

"Yeah, I was going to say," he said. "Why don't you go and I'll take care of whatever needs to be taken care of here."

She nodded. Elliot would go see Liz, fill her in and make sure Liz could clear Alex's court schedule for the rest of the week. Olivia would get clothes for them. Of course, if she were taking time off to be with Alex, that would have to be explained to Cragen. First things first.

"Captain, could I see you for a minute?" she said, lightly knocking on his door. He nodded and motioned for her to come in.

"I need to take some time off," she said. "The rest of the week, if possible."

"You have plenty of time, I don't see why not," he said. "But what's wrong?"

"We were going to make this official later today, but circumstances have come up," she said. "Alex's father has cancer. He's fallen ill, and they've asked the family to come."

"Okay, what does that have to do with you?" he said. Of course, he knew exactly what it had to do with Olivia, but he was going to allow her to be the one to tell him.

"Captain, we, uh -," she said. Her words stumbled.

"Say no more," he said, noting her uncomfort. "I suspected, and all I will say is, go, be with Alex and give her my love. Also, don't worry about making it official with me. I'll be here ready to hear it when the two of you are ready."

"Thank you, Captain," she said. She gave him a smile as she got up from the chair to leave.

"You're welcome, Liv," he said. "Also, I'm happy for you. Both of you."

Alex finished up in court and called Olivia. No answer. _Maybe she's already here_. She went to her office and found it empty. She called Olivia again. Still no answer. _Olivia better not be backing out on this today._

Alex wandered down the hall to Liz's office, thinking perhaps Olivia was already in there. When she arrived, she saw Elliot in there, much to her surprise.

"What's going on?" Alex asked. She didn't understand why Elliot was there. He almost never had any reason to talk to Liz, especially not without her or Olivia.

"Alex, I need you to go with Detective Stabler," Liz said.

"I have to be back in court in an hour," Alex said. "And I'm supposed to meet Olivia over here."

"The trial has been postponed for today," Liz said. "Please go with Elliot."

"Not until someone tells me what is going on," Alex said, looking between two of them. "Oh God, where is Olivia? Did something happen?"

"Olivia is fine," Elliot said. He took her hand and looked her in the eyes. She didn't believe him. "I promise that she is fine, but get your bag and come with me. I'll explain everything."

Alex looked back at Liz, who gave a nod to Elliot to go. Elliot walked Alex through the crowded DA's office building.

"Elliot, you had better tell me what is going on now," she demanded before they could even get out of the building.

"Not here," he said. "Just give me a minute."

She followed him into the parking garage where she saw Olivia waiting in a car. She looked back to Elliot.

"Olivia will explain everything," he said before giving her a hug. Alex gave him a weird look. Elliot never hugged her. He nodded to Olivia and opened the door for Alex. He quickly left the garage.

"What the hell is going on, Liv?" Alex said. "No one will tell me anything. We were supposed to have a lunch date with Liz, remember?"

She took Alex's hand. "Alex, I remember. I have lunch for us, but this is more important," she said, before pausing for the right words. "It's your father. Your mother called me because you were in court. The doctors want the family to come."

"Oh God, no," Alex said, tears immediately filling her eyes. "Is he?"

"He's alive, Alex, but we have to go now," Olivia said.

"Clothes, I have to get clothes," Alex said. "And court. I need to call Liz." She was beginning to panic and hyperventilate.

Olivia pulled Alex in for a hug, embraced her, and allowed the tears to fall on her shoulder.

"Everything is taken care of, Alex," Olivia whispered in Alex's ear. "Liz knows and has cleared your schedule and postponed court. I packed a bag of clothes for you, and they're already in the car with us. I talked to your assistant. I got us lunch to eat on the way. I took the rest of the week off. I'm here Alex, and I'm going to be through all of this."

Alex glanced at the backseat of the car. She saw two overnight bags and two hanging bags as well. Elliot must have talked to Liz, who got the trial postponed.

"You did all of this?" Alex asked. "What about work? What did you tell Cragen?"

"Cragen knows what he needs to know," Olivia said. "And he sends his love." She smiled slightly, telling Alex that everything was handled. Alex sighed and relaxed back into the seat for the first time. Olivia put the car in drive, but before pulling out, she stopped and placed a hand on Alex's wet cheeks.

"Alex, I love you, and I know this is going to be hard, but you're going to get through it," she said. "I'm here for you, every step of the way."

Alex nodded.

"I'm just not ready," Alex said before she closed her eyes and laid her head back.


	27. Disappearing Acts

A/N: Trouble is brewing, which helps to work through this couple of episode arch (Trevor dinner is coming up next).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.05 DISAPPEARING ACTS**

Two months had gone by since Alex's father passed away. She was thankful she got to spend his final two days by his side with the rest of her family and Olivia.

 _Olivia._ Olivia stayed by Alex's side the entire time. She had taken care of everything for Alex. Arranging time off at work. Packing. She even picked out a lovely dress to wear to the funeral, knowing the reality they were facing. Anything Alex needed, Olivia was already two steps ahead of her. She comforted her. She let her cry. She left her alone when that's what Alex needed. She cooked or made meal arrangements for the entire family the week they were there so that all Alex's family had to focus on was planning the funeral and remembering their father.

A week after that fateful call, and a few days after the funeral, they both returned to work. Alex didn't want to. All she wanted to do was stay in bed, looking for something to fill the dad-shaped hole left inside of her. But she didn't, even if it would have been understandable. No, she did what her father would have done - she went back to work, and she worked hard. This was good for her, to some degree. In an effort to keep the tears from falling, she was laser focused on work, and to the outside world, Alex Cabot was normal.

For the inside world, however, it was a different story.

Alex spent so much energy at work playing her part that by the time she got home, she had no energy left to give to anything, least of all Olivia. Olivia didn't seem to mind, though. Olivia played her role as the supportive girlfriend, continuing to let Alex have her space and time, to let Alex cry on her shoulder. She made dinner arrangements for them every night, even when she knew she would be working late. At home, Alex felt helpless, but she also was glad she wasn't alone.

She was grateful to Olivia, but she wasn't telling her. Alex was depressed, which was normal for someone with such a significant loss in their life. And Olivia understood that loss. She wasn't as close to her mom as Alex was to her parents, but it didn't matter. Losing a parent was tough.

But watching Alex like this, in private, was tough on Olivia, too. Alex had shut her out. Olivia knew it wasn't intentional. Alex was hurting. But for two months, the most significant conversations they had were about work. Yes, at work, Alex was Alex. But at home, Alex was like a teenager, shutting herself off from the world. She would cry to Olivia some nights. Olivia would try to get her to talk about her father, or watch her favorite movies, and Alex would sometimes go along with it. But Olivia knew Alex wasn't happy. And she didn't blame her.

They also hadn't been intimate in the two months since Alex's father died. Not that Olivia tried that much, but she was affectionate toward Alex. She didn't want her to feel pressured, but it seemed Alex's mood and depression were getting worse. Olivia would never bring up the lack of sex because that's not what it was about for her. She just missed Alex. Her Alex. The Alex she saw at home that no one else got to see. That Alex was hidden, and Olivia was doing anything and everything in her power to see a glint of her.

"You know, Alex," Olivia said one night as they got into bed, "I never told anyone, but I went to see someone a while after my mom died."

Alex just nodded, barely registering what Olivia meant.

"It was helpful to me," Olivia continued. "Maybe it's something you're interested in doing."

"Olivia, I'm fine," Alex said. "I've told you a hundred times that I'm fine. I've just been working a lot, and I'm tired."

"You're not fine," Olivia said. "And no one expects you to be fine. I love you, but I'm worried about you. You're working yourself to death."

"And what did you do when your mom died, Olivia?" Alex said. "If I recall, you returned to work the same day as her funeral."

"You're right, I did," Olivia said. "Which is why I haven't said anything. But working myself to death didn't help me; it didn't make the pain go away."

"I'm not sure I want the pain to go away yet," Alex said. "And I really don't want to talk about this. I appreciate you, I really do, but right now, I need to do this my way."

"Okay," Olivia said. "Just know that you can, talk to me, that is." Olivia leaned over and pressed her lips to Alex.

"I love you," Olivia said.

"I love you, too," Alex said, returning the kiss before rolling over.

Olivia sighed and went to sleep.

#

Sunday Night.

Olivia and Elliot had spent the week pursuing a rape suspect who also happened to be in the Witness Protection Program. The investigation led to his son, but not before everything got bloody. The Federal Witness, Peter Sipes, ended up dead, and Olivia and Elliot ended up in Federal lockup after Sipes, and a Federal Officer was killed.

After working to clear their name by proving the son, Gavin, was the one who sold out his father by giving his address to a mobster, things got worse. Gavin ended up dead in lockup, and the Federal case for murder and the mob-related activities was officially dead. With Peter and Gavin both dead, no one was alive to corroborate anything against Sergio.

At the end of the day on Sunday, Olivia and Elliot packed up to go home. It was the last place Olivia wanted to be, especially after Alex refused to defend their actions to the US Marshals. She didn't even come down to try to convince Claudia Williams to let them out of lockup, even after the Feds sent them Gavin. To say Olivia was pissed was an understatement. Alex was about the last person she wanted to see.

"Hey," Alex said when Olivia came through the door. "It's been awhile since you were home. You're probably tired."

It was true. Olivia and Elliot hadn't been home since Friday at least, nor had they slept much during this case.

"Yeah, well spending the night in Federal lockup didn't help much," Olivia said, not even making eye contact with Alex before going to the bedroom to change out of her three-day-old clothes. Alex followed her.

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Alex said. "There was nothing I could do."

"Are you sure it wasn't because we disregarded risk for our own benefits?" Olivia said as she echoed Alex's earlier words back to her. "Or maybe it was our zeal to show up Federal officers."

"That's not fair," Alex said.

"Well, there's a lot about life that isn't fair, Alex," Olivia said. She slammed the door to the bathroom behind her. Once again, Alex followed.

"What is your problem?" Alex said.

"My problem is that I haven't slept all day, and my girlfriend left me in lockup all night," Olivia said. "Forgive me if I'm not allowed to have a bad day, too."

Alex turned her head at the word _too._

"What do you mean, _too_?" Alex said even though she knew exactly what Olivia meant.

"It's nothing, Alex," Olivia said, catching her folly. Yes, she was frustrated with Alex, but it didn't mean she didn't understand her grief.

"It doesn't sound like _nothing_ ," Alex said. "I'm sorry, is my mood bothersome to you?"

"Alex, that's not what I mean," Olivia said. "Don't put words in my mouth. This has nothing to do with that, and everything to do with this weekend. I mean, would it kill you to have supported us; to have fought for us?"

Alex gritted her teeth. She was angry. She couldn't have helped Olivia even if she wanted to. And she wanted to, but there was no way she could have won a fight against the US Marshals. But she was angrier that Olivia seemed to be upset and frustrated with her state of mind as well.

"Do you know how many things I've done for you two, and how many times I've stuck my neck out to support you?" Alex said. "There was no way I was going to win a battle against the US Attorney's Office."

"Well, sorry that we've used up all of our favors then," Olivia said. "I'll make note of that before I asked for anything from now on." Olivia got into bed and faced away from the center of the bed. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Alex sighed and got into bed next to her. "Liv, I'm sorry," Alex said. "I know I've been difficult lately, and you've been nothing but supportive. I mean, you've done so much that I haven't even thanked you for."

Olivia was silent for a few moments, trying to think of the right words to say to express her feelings and hurt.

"You don't have to thank me," Olivia said. "It's my job to support you. But, lately, I don't know, it's like I'm not even here. And I know that you're grieving, and I've tried to give you all the time and space that you need since you're not open to my suggestions. Alex, I just don't know what else to do. I mean, at work, it's like you're a completely different person, and when you come home, you're a zombie. I just miss you."

Alex started to speak, but Olivia cut her off.

"That said, Alex," Olivia continued, "this, today, hasn't nothing to do with that. I mean, today was pretty horrible, and you did nothing. We could have gone to jail. Were you just going to let that happen, too?"

"Of course not, Olivia," Alex snapped. "How could you even say that to me?"

"Because, I have no idea where your head is right now because you're not talking to me," Olivia said. "You ripped into me today, and most nights, you act like I don't exist."

"Is this because we haven't had sex in two months?" Alex said.

Olivia stared Alex down. "Of course, not," she said. "And I can't believe you would even ask that. I have been nothing but supportive and respectful of what you are going through."

"You're right," Alex said. "You have, but come on Olivia, it would be normal if you were frustrated."

"What do you want me to say, Alex?" Olivia said.

"I want you to be honest with me," Alex said.

"Honestly, I'm pissed at you," Olivia said. "And it's not because we haven't had sex, or because of what you're going through, or even I miss you. I'm pissed because when I needed your support the most, I couldn't even get a damn word of encouragement."

When she finished, she sat up, picked up her pillow and left the bedroom for the couch. She loved Alex, but she needed to feel supported.


	28. Angels

A/N: I'm glad you all liked the last chapter. I was nervous about it; almost took it down. It was hard to write because I was trying to show those real emotions. Where Alex is still devasted and couldn't do much else, but Olivia is being neglected. It's a real struggle, especially if you've experienced a loss like that either yourself or your partner. So, I was going for something real, and I'm just glad you all liked it. Thank you for the kind reviews.

This is the "Trevor" episode. Hopefully, you enjoy it. The next chapter I have planned is going to be more fun and less angsty. They deserve some happiness for a bit :)

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.06 ANGELS**

A week after Olivia and Alex's fight, things weren't much better between the couple. They were being civil and polite, not fighting, but the temperature in the apartment was still icy.

"I thought maybe we could go out to a nice dinner this week," Alex suggested when Olivia got home Monday night. It was her attempt to make some peace between them.

"I don't know yet," Olivia said. "It will depend on how the week goes finding our pedophile's killer and who's sending these boys to him."

Alex nodded. She understood. She had also been making more of an effort at home to be present. She was still grieving her father, but she hadn't realized just how much it had been affecting Olivia yet.

"Maybe when it's over, we could go away for a weekend," Alex said. "We could both use a break."

"Maybe," Olivia said. "If you need to get away, why not go visit your mom this weekend?"

"By myself?" Alex said. She was hurt.

"I'll go when I can, but work is crazy right now, you know that," Olivia said. "That's no reason for you not to go."

Alex nodded, still unsure of how she was going to fix things with Olivia. She went into the kitchen to put away dinner and clean up, not noticing Olivia had already retreated to the bedroom. When she joined her in the bedroom, Olivia was already asleep. Alex sighed and crawled into bed. _Another failed attempt to reconcile_.

#

The following night, while pursuing a warrant, Olivia and Elliot found Alex at dinner. In _that_ red dress, the one Olivia loved Alex in, and even more, seeing on their bedroom floor. Of course, when Alex's dinner guest showed up, Olivia nearly lost it. She could barely look Alex in the eyes, as much as Alex needed her to. She needed Olivia to see the apology in her eyes.

"You're home," Alex said when she came through their apartment door later that night.

"Where else would I be?" Olivia said.

"I don't know," Alex said. "You've been staying at the crib a lot the past week."

"Trevor Langan," Olivia said, ignoring Alex's comment. "Trevor. Fucking. Langan. What the hell, Alex? I can't go have a nice dinner out with you because I'm working, so you go get chummy with that creep?"

"Excuse me?" Alex said. "I don't like what you're implying. And Trevor is not a creep. Yes, he represents creeps, but he's an old family friend. He was helping me sort out some of my dad's paperwork tonight."

"Yeah, I'll bet he was," Olivia said. "He was probably enjoying the view, too, with you in that _come-fuck-me_ dress."

" _This dress_ is what I had picked up from the cleaners in hopes that I could have a nice, romantic dinner with _you_ this week," Alex fired back. She was seething at Olivia's comment.

"You could have at least mentioned it," Olivia said. "Trust me, seeing you, in that dress, at dinner with him was not how I planned my night to go."

"When would I have mentioned it? When you were ignoring me at home? Or when you were ignoring me at work?" Alex said.

"I'm sorry I was too busy catching pedophiles," Olivia said. "But hopefully, you still got your romantic dinner."

"You are unbelievable," Alex said. "I spent the last week trying to reconnect with you. Inviting you to dinner. Inviting you away for a weekend. I was hoping we could even make love last night, but you went straight to sleep. It's been over two months, Olivia."

"Oh, I'm very aware of how long it's been," Olivia said. "But sex isn't going to fix this."

"What will, then?" Alex said. "What do you want me to do, Olivia?"

"I don't know," Olivia said. "But I'm going to bed."

#

The rest of the week wasn't much better. Olivia came home late if she even came home at all. She had the case to distract her and was grateful for that, but Alex was feeling alone. For the first time since her father died, she felt alone. Olivia had been there with her every step of the way, and somehow Alex had managed to screw that up.

After interviewing a murder suspect in Riker's, Alex pulled Elliot aside. It was rare for Elliot to come alone without Olivia, yet it was just him that showed up with Alex.

"Where's Olivia?" she asked quietly as they walked out of Riker's.

Elliot was nervous. He knew Olivia was pissed, and he knew why. After all, he had been there when they saw Alex at dinner with Trevor the other night. He saw the pissed off look on his partner's face.

"She had some things to follow up back on at the precinct," he said.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Alex muttered. It was a low mutter, but still loud enough for Elliot to hear.

"Listen, Alex, I don't really know what's going on with you two," he said. "I know you've been through a lot recently. I also know how pissed off Olivia looked the other night when you were at dinner with Trevor. I can't say I blame her, with you in that dress and all. But I also know she probably overreacted to it."

"A little, I'd say," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"You know, it's not Trevor; she trusts you. It's also not the Fed case from last week," he said. "And I know you see it and know it, but Olivia has literally been busting her ass for you since your father died. And she's been happy and content to do it. She loves you. But I know, when Kathy's father died I was trying to be there -and trust me, I wasn't nearly as good at it as Olivia has been - it was tough on me, too. Kathy barely wanted anything to do with me. I understood it, but I felt abandoned."

"So you're saying I abandoned Olivia?" Alex said, her tone defensive.

"I don't know, Alex," he said. "But maybe try getting your head out of your ass and paying attention to how much that woman loves you. I know you're still hurt about your father, but don't push Olivia way because you're sad."

Alex closed her eyes and sighed. She got out of Elliot's car and went back to her office.

#

By Friday, they found their killer and got a confession. The trial would still need to happen, but Olivia was glad to be able to have a couple of days off. Captain had insisted on it and make sure someone else could cover on-call for Elliot and Olivia. She also knew Alex planned to go see her mother this weekend, and she was looking forward to alone time.

When she got home, however, she wasn't alone. Alex was still there, just sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"I thought you were going to see your mom this weekend," Olivia said as she hung up her jacket by the door.

"I told her I'd come next weekend, that I had some things I needed to take care of here," Alex said. She patted the couch for Olivia to come sit down. Olivia ignored it and went to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. When she came back, she sat in the chair, adjacent to the couch.

"We need to talk," Alex said when Olivia sat down.

 _We need to talk._ Olivia hated those words. She knew what those words usually meant.

"Yeah, I guess we do," Olivia said. _This is it,_ she thought. _Alex is going to leave me._

"Olivia, I love you," Alex said.

"But?" Olivia asked. There was always a 'but' in these talks.

"There's no _but_ ," Alex said. "I love you."

"Okay," Olivia said slowly. She wasn't sure where this conversation was heading. "I love you, too, Alex."

"I know," Alex said. "And I've not been acknowledging that as much as I should lately, or how much you've held me up."

"Alex, you've been through a lot," Olivia said.

"I have," Alex said. "But I've only gotten through it because you have been here to support me. To feed me. To let me cry. To give me space. To hold me and nothing else. I know that has been tough on you, watching me struggle, and not getting any acknowledgment or affection in return. And I know you've been trying to tell me, but I've not heard it."

Olivia just nodded. She didn't know what exactly to say. Alex was right.

"So, I want you to know that I see it, even if I haven't said it," Alex said. "And I hate that I've been so cold to you that you don't feel like I love you and support you back."

"I've not been a bottle of sunshine the past week or so," Olivia admitted.

"Neither of us has, but it stops now," Alex said. "I didn't go see my mom this weekend because I want to see you. I've missed you, too. I want to spend the weekend here, just the two of us, catching up, talking, laughing, making love to you. I want this to be our weekend, and my chance to give you a small token of my appreciation for how strong you have been for me the past couple of months."

"You don't have to do that, Alex," Olivia said. She never wanted anything in return other than Alex's love.

"I know I don't have to," Alex said. "Just like you didn't have to do any of the things you've done for me. I want to, Olivia. I told you, I love you, and I want to make sure I show you that more often. Can you forgive me?"

Olivia smiled. She didn't need to forgive Alex, she already had. She finally moved over to the couch and sat next to Alex, taking her in her arms.

"That depends," Olivia said, eyebrows raised. "Have you picked that red dress up from the cleaners yet?"

"Tomorrow morning," Alex said with a grin.

"Then why don't we have that nice romantic dinner tomorrow night and all will be forgiven," Olivia said. "Of course, that means you'll be picking that dress up off the bedroom floor Sunday morning." Olivia winked and placed a kiss on Alex's neck.

"I can't wait," Alex said, leaning in kiss Olivia in a way that had been absent from them for two months.


	29. The Bet

A/N: Wow, thanks for the kind words on the last couple of chapters. I'm glad you all liked them, and that they finally talked things out. Here is a fun chapter for you, as promised.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THE BET**

Things were returning to normal at home for Olivia and Alex. They were both happier, although Alex still had her moments where she missed her dad like crazy. They had spent the three weeks since their fight came to a head, focusing on rebuilding their relationship. The bounce in Olivia's step had returned and just seeing Alex happier made her happy.

It was a typical Monday afternoon in the squad room. They were working a rape case, and Alex had come down to get caught up on the day's events. She, of course, planted herself on Olivia's desk and stared intently at her while Elliot filled her in.

When they were finished, Alex turned to leave.

"Elliot and I were just about to get dinner if you'd like to join us?" Olivia asked Alex.

"I can't," Alex said. "I have a meeting with Liz in 20 minutes. But, perhaps we can have dessert at home later." She winked at Olivia as she watched her girlfriend blush and look nervously around the squad room. Only Elliot heard the comment, but it was still enough to turn Olivia bright red. Olivia nodded, and Alex spun around, gave Olivia a flirty smile and head toss, and left the precinct. Elliot just sat and smirked at Olivia, as she rolled her eyes and grabbed her jacket.

Down at the pub, Elliot and Olivia grabbed a booth and order food and beer, while they waited on Munch to show up later.

"I knew things were better with Alex, but it seems like things are more than good," Elliot teased when their beers arrived.

"Yeah, things are well," Olivia said. "It's tough to always find time for each other, but we're both making an effort."

"What, you all don't see each other enough at work?" a voice behind them came. Olivia turned her head to see Munch standing there.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" Olivia said, scooting over so he could slide into the booth.

"Oh, come on, Liv, we're family," Munch said. "You think we haven't known about you and Alex for a while now?"

Olivia glanced at Elliot, who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, Liv, for what it's worth, we're happy for you," Munch said. "Someone needs to be getting some."

"Hey, speak for yourself," Elliot said.

"Oh come on, I guarantee, Liv and Alex are getting laid more than any of us," Munch said. "I mean, haven't you seen the way Alex has been walking around the 1-6 since they got over their fight a few weeks ago?"

Olivia started at Munch, refusing to speak. She was still in shock Munch knew and never said anything. It wasn't like him.

"I'm just saying, this is the look of a satisfied woman," Munch said, holding a hand up to Olivia's face, who was turning slightly red.

"Well, Alex did mention dessert earlier today," Elliot said. Olivia shot him a look that said he was not supposed to mention that.

"Still, though, they're not in the honeymoon stage anymore," Elliot said. "I bet Liv isn't getting it as much as your mind may imagine, Munch."

"Why are we talking about my sex life?" Olivia said.

"Because I was making a point that I'd be willing to bet you're having more sex than your partner," Munch said.

"Hey, don't drag me into this," Elliot said. "I do have four kids. Let's just say Kathy and I are happy in that area."

"So why not have a little wager about it?" Munch suggested. Elliot and Olivia turned their heads at him, curious. "The next 30 days. Let's see who has sex the most times."

"No way," Olivia said. "Alex would never agree to this. In fact, she would kill me if she knew about this conversation."

"So who says she has to know?" Munch said. "I mean, if she can get laid every day for the next month, I doubt she'll be complaining. In fact, it may make warrants a little easier for us to get."

"He's got a point," Elliot said. "It would make warrants easier to get."

"You can't be seriously considering this, Elliot," Olivia said. "Kathy would kill you, too."

"It might be worth it to try," he smirked. "You in?"

Olivia thought about it for a minute. It wasn't that she didn't want to try. She was also pretty sure she could beat Elliot. Of course, she and Alex both had busy jobs, so that could complicate it.

"Fine," she finally said. "But one word of this to Alex, and you are both dead men. What's the terms?"

"Only once per day will count," Munch said. "So you can't 'bank' days. However, if there is a tie, we'll break it by how many total times. For instance, if you both get so lucky 22 days out of the next 30, but Liv has sex 30 times in those 22 days, and Elliot only gets it once per day, so 22 times, then Liv wins."

"Okay, and the winner gets?" Elliot said.

"You're buying the beer for two weeks when I win," Olivia said.

"Ah, there's that competitive nature coming out," Munch said. "Okay, you guys should go home. Bet starts tonight."

Olivia took a cab home. She knew this was probably a terrible idea, but after going without for two months, she couldn't say she hated the idea; even if their sex life had been more than healthy since they made up.

When she got home, Alex was curled up on the couch with her legal pad in front of her. She was writing an opening argument. _Dammit. Alex was not going to want to be distracted. Tonight was going to be a challenge. So much for that dessert._

"Hey, Liv, you're home earlier than I thought," Alex said, barely looking up. "How was dinner?"

"You know, normal pub fare," Olivia said, trying to figure out her next move. She sat on the couch with Alex, sitting near Alex's feet that were propped on the middle of the couch. "I missed seeing your face, though." _Oh God, that was cheesy_ , Olivia thought.

"I missed you, too," Alex said. Again, not even looking up. Olivia moved her hand on Alex's foot and began rubbing the top of the foot and calf. Alex didn't flinch.

"What are you working on?" Olivia said. Maybe small talk would work better.

"Oh, trial starts next week, and I'm so busy this week, I want to get a head start," Alex said. "By the way, there are a couple of nights this week that I have some evening meetings and will be home late."

 _Shit. Wine, maybe wine will work._

"I'm going to grab a glass of wine," Olivia said. "Do you want a glass?"

"Sure, but just a little," Alex said. "I want to get part of this done tonight."

Olivia poured two glasses of wine, ignoring Alex's comments about it being a small glass. She walked behind Alex and handed it to her over her shoulder, sitting her own glass down on the end table. Alex put her legal pad down to take a drink.

"Oh, this was more than I needed, Liv," Alex said.

"Sorry, I forgot," Olivia said, moving her hands to Alex's shoulders to massage them. "You feel tense. Why don't you let me give you a massage on the bed?"

"I really don't have time, Liv," Alex said. "But the shoulder rub feels good."

Olivia leaned down and grazed her lips against Alex's neck before whispering in her ear. "Well, you did promise me dessert tonight," she said before placing kissing behind Alex's ear. She let her hands move from Alex's shoulders down the front a little farther. She felt Alex tense up slightly.

"I did, didn't I?" Alex said.

"Yes, and in the middle of the squad room, ensuring I would be flustered before dinner with Elliot and Munch," Olivia whispered. She could tell Alex was getting turned on. Her plan of seduction was working.

"How about I make it up to you this weekend?" Alex suggested. "I promise, Saturday, I'm all yours."

"This weekend?" Olivia said. _No, that just wasn't going to work for their bet, especially given the busy week ahead of Alex._ "How about a counter offer, _Counselor_? How about I make it so worth your while right now. I promise to be quick." She took Alex's legal pad and tossed it on the coffee table before reaching farther down to caress Alex's breasts. Her nipples were hard. She was getting somewhere.

"How quick are we talking?" Alex said, finally deciding to give in.

"As quick as you want it," Olivia said.

An hour later both women laid breathless in bed.

"That was _not_ quick," Alex said.

"I didn't hear you complaining," Olivia smirked.

"And you never will," Alex said, leaning over for a kiss.

#

Olivia and Elliot decided they would do a check-in at the midway point although both could tell they were doing fairly well on their end by the goofy smiles on their faces each morning. Even Cragen began to ask what was wrong with them.

The evening before check-in Olivia stopped by Alex's office.

"You ready to go home?" Olivia asked. She could see Alex was still buried in work and the look in her eye told Olivia home was the last thing on Alex's mind.

"I don't think I'll be home until late tonight," Alex said. "What time is it?"

"It's 7:30. Everyone in your office is gone home," Olivia said. "I'm sure they won't miss you."

"I just want to stay until I finish," Alex said. "I'm sorry. Don't wait up. I don't know what time I'll be."

"I had a feeling you might say that," Olivia said as she made her way behind Alex's chair and began massaging her shoulders.

"Liv, what are you doing?" Alex said. Olivia leaned down and began to kiss Alex's neck.

"There is no one else here, and the door is locked," Olivia said. "Surely you can spare a few minutes for your girlfriend." She turned Alex's chair to face her and dropped to her knees started tugging at the bottom of Alex's shirt.

"Olivia Benson, what do you think you're doing?" Alex said, pushing Olivia's hands back. "We are adults and do not do this at work."

"If I recall, we threw those _rules_ of ours out the door a long time ago," Olivia said, caressing Alex's thighs and slowly pushing her skirt up. "Come on, Alex; it'll help you relax and then I'll leave."

"I don't know what has gotten into you lately," Alex said. However, she didn't stop Olivia pushing her skirt up and even shifted her body to help. She moaned when Olivia's hands tugged at her panties.

"Was that a yes?" Olivia said.

"Yes," Alex said. The was the last word she was able to say before Olivia sent her over the edge in her leather office chair. She'd need to make a mental note to thoroughly clean it.

When Olivia was done, she turned to leave, watching Alex put herself back together and try to re-focus on her work. Olivia smiled. _That was fun. Maybe we can try that out on her desk sometime._

Midway point and Olivia was winning...but barely. She did have the fact that she was well ahead in the total number of times but knew she needed to keep the day count up as well. She was impressed with how well Elliot was doing, though. Olivia knew she was going to have to start getting more creative with her advances as Alex was already suspicious of her behavior. The unexpected shower sex, morning sex, kitchen sex, even car sex had Olivia ready to go all the time, and while Alex was enjoying it, nearly every day was a little much...even for them.

By Week 4, both Olivia and Elliot were tired, as were Alex and Kathy. There had definitely been more days skipped than in early weeks, and a few days where the couples had been arguing when it didn't happen.

Alex was in closing arguments of a trial and had made it clear to Olivia early in the week that she was not to be distracted; it was too important she remain focused.

"Hey, Alex, since you're going to be busy tonight, I was thinking of going out with Erica, if that's okay," Olivia said mid-week when she called Alex during work.

"Yeah, that's fine," Alex said. "Where are you having dinner? Maybe I'll have you bring me something."

"Oh, we weren't necessarily going to dinner," Olivia said. "She actually wants to hit up one of the new bars. I guess her new girlfriend is a dancer there."

"Excuse me?" Alex said, realizing what Olivia had just said.

"I said-," Olivia started.

"No, I heard you," Alex said. "You want to go to a strip club?"

"It's not a strip club, Alex," Olivia said, smirking to herself at how jealous she knew Alex was getting. Yes, it was evil, but she planned to win this bet. "It's a club where women dance in clothing."

"Yeah, right, and high-end escort services don't offer their clients sex," Alex snapped.

"Alex, I promise, it's fine," Olivia said. "It's just Erica and another friend, Candy or something. And well, Erica's girlfriend, who will be working."

"Who is Candy?" Alex said.

"We've met her, Alex," Olivia said. She was lying. Candy wasn't real. "Trust me, you'd remember her. Tall, blonde, long legs." _Just Olivia's type._

Alex was silent. Olivia could tell she was stewing so decided to give her a reprieve.

"Listen, I don't have to go," Olivia said. "I just didn't want to be bored if you were going to be working all night. You know I'd prefer to spend my time with you."

"I'll be home by 8:00," Alex said. "Pick up dinner for us and I'll leave my work here."

Olivia smiled and hung up the phone. Sure, she felt guilty playing on Alex's emotions like that, but she'd make it up to her later tonight.

The following morning, Alex was gone before Olivia got up and didn't get home until well after Olivia was in bed. She climbed in slowly, as to not wake Olivia, however, Olivia was awake and waiting.

Once Alex was in bed, Olivia rolled over and wrapped her arms around Alex.

"Hey, I missed you," Olivia said, planting a kiss on Alex.

"I thought you would be asleep," Alex said. Truthfully, she was hoping Olivia would be. After last night, she could barely walk and was exhausted from all the sex they had been having. She needed a break.

"I was waiting on you," Olivia said as she began to make her move.

"Not tonight, Liv," Alex said. "I'm tired, and I had a bad day."

"I'll help wake you up," Olivia said as she continued kissing Alex.

"Christ, Liv!" Alex said. "You are insatiable lately. What is going on?"

Olivia pulled back. She could tell by Alex's tone that she was frustrated and maybe angry.

"Nothing is going on," Olivia said. "I just love you."

"I love you, too, Liv," Alex said. "But I could barely walk today. Do you think we could give it a rest for a while?"

"Okay," Olivia said. She gave Alex a kiss and rolled back over. She had a feeling she was probably still in the lead so it wouldn't kill her. If she were honest, she also needed a break.

The final day of the bet, Olivia and Alex had shower sex again, and Liv was feeling pretty good about her chances of winning the bet. She met up with Munch and Elliot after work for dinner and drinks.

Olivia won, and Elliot and Munch tipped their beer to her. As promised, Elliot ordered all the drinks that night. "To Olivia!"

"What are we celebrating?" a voice came from behind Olivia. She turned around to see Alex, standing here, hands in her jacket pocket with a smirk on her face.

"Alex," Olivia said. "What are you doing here?"

"Someone at the precinct said I could find you here," Alex said. "I'm not interrupting am I?"

"No, of course not," Olivia said. She pulled out a chair for Alex to sit.

"So, why are we drinking to Olivia?" Alex said.

Everyone was quiet, trying to come up with a good lie.

"Liv just knew the answer to a trivia question we were trying to figure out all day," Elliot said. "I told her if she got it, I'd buy the round of beers tonight."

"Is that right?" Alex said. "What was the question?"

"What?" Olivia said.

"The trivia question you answered," Alex said.

Munch, Olivia, and Elliot were silent.

"Conspiracy theory stuff, Alex," Munch said. "You wouldn't be interested."

"That sounds boring," Alex said. "I was hoping Olivia won some bet about who could have sex the most in a month."

Olivia and Elliot nearly choked on their beers as they spit them out.

"So, I take it you won?" Alex asked Olivia. Luckily she was still smiling, or else Olivia would have ran for the door. Olivia just nodded.

"How did you know?" Elliot finally asked.

"Well, I started to get suspicious when we had sex in my office," Alex said, holding her hand up to Munch and Elliot, who started to ask questions. "We're never discussing that again. Anyway, then I started to notice Elliot had the same goofy grin on his face that Olivia has had. But still, it didn't sink in until I ran into Kathy when she was leaving the precinct one day. She asked how Liv and I were, and I casually mentioned Olivia had been extra, uh, motivated lately in the bedroom. She laughed and commented that Elliot had, too. I didn't say anything to her, but I did corner Munch until he told me about the bet."

"Wait, you told her?" Olivia said. "I'm going to kill you."

"It wasn't my fault," Munch said. "She already knew something was up. And really, who can resist that face?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "How long have you known?"

"About a week and a half," Alex said. "I have to say, though, it was fun watching you squirm on the nights when I'd work too late or say no."

Alex then turned to Munch and Elliot.

"Did she tell you she tried to use jealousy as a way to have sex?" Alex said. "It was then I realized just how desperate she was to win this bet. I had planned to take the night off, but she got very creative with that line. It actually worked. I was jealous, even if I knew that Candy probably wasn't real."

"I'd say it worked pretty darn well," Olivia quipped.

"I'd say you're going to be in big trouble when we get home, so I'd leave those comments for the peanut gallery," Alex said, turning back toward Olivia. "So, what did we win?"

"Two weeks of drinks on Elliot," Olivia said.

"Wait, that's it?" Alex said. "You kept me up almost every night and several mornings for free beer?"

"Would it make it better if I said I also won getting to have sex with my beautiful girlfriend?" Olivia said.

"On that note, we're going home," Alex said. "I think I have some laundry you need to do and dishes to wash."

Olivia laughed and got up to go.

On the way out, Alex took her arm and began whispering.

"You know, I think we both won that bet in more ways than one," Alex said. "But you're still not getting laid for a week. I need to recover. And if you ever pull something like that again, it'll be a month."

"A month?" Olivia said. "You can't hold out that long."

"Maybe I'll go find myself a Candy to keep me company," Alex smirked. "Now, let's go home and go to bed, and I swear to God, if you touch me tonight, besides a goodnight kiss, I will punch you in the face."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex on the forehead. "You have my word."


	30. Resilience

A/N: So glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. Yes, I toyed with Alex being more upset about it, but I wanted it to be a fun and angst-free chapter mostly. Also, you guys are so paranoid about me doing bad things to them. It's funny (but true, I know). Taking it easy on you here, too, but setting up some stuff for down the road that I may use. Thanks for reading.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.10 RESILIENCE**

Olivia's punishment for the bet, one week without sex from Alex, was almost over. Night 7 was finally here. It had been torturous, too. Not because of the amount of time, she had certainly gone longer. No, it was torturous because Alex insisted on sleeping naked every night since.

 _Just one more night. I can make it one more night._ That's what Olivia told herself as she climbed into bed, once again next to Alex's naked body. It was late when they went to bed, nearly midnight. Both had had a long day at the office, and by the time they go home for dinner, they soon fell asleep cuddling on the couch before Alex woke up and suggested they go to bed.

Once Olivia was in bed, Alex wrapped her arms around her and began to kiss Olivia's neck.

"Alex, not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing?" Olivia said.

"Has it been so long that you forgot already?" Alex asked between kisses. "I mean, it's only been a week, Liv."

"I thought I had one more night of punishment?" Olivia asked.

"It's close enough to midnight," Alex smirked. "I think you qualify for an _early release_."

The words sent an electric wave through Olivia's body. She didn't need to be told twice. She pushed Alex back and moved on top of her.

"You have been evil this week," Olivia said before pressing her lips against Alex's.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alex said, moaning as Olivia's lips moved down the front of her neck.

"Really? So you just randomly have been sleeping naked? Or what about the other night when you walked through the apartment naked?" Olivia said.

"I forgot my book in the living room," Alex said. "I didn't see the point of getting dressed just to undress again. And it's been warm in the apartment. That's why I've been sleeping naked."

"Warm? When late November in Manhattan ever been warm?" Olivia said. "You're a tease."

"And you deserved it," Alex smiled, running her hand up Olivia's stomach to caress her breasts.

"You're right, I did deserve it," Olivia said. "But you can't say you didn't enjoy the bet as much as I did. Maybe more, actually."

"I plead the fifth," Alex said. "But, I do plan on both of us enjoying ourselves tonight."

 _Ring. Ring._

Olivia grabbed her phone. It was Stabler.

"Oh, fuck me," Olivia mumbled.

"I'm trying to if you'll put your phone down," Alex said, nibbling on Olivia's ear as Olivia opened her phone to answer it.

"Benson."

"Hate to break it to you, but they need us," Elliot said. "15-year-old girl tried to jump in front of a subway train. I'm on my way. Pick you up in 15 minutes."

Olivia shut the phone, and gave the _I'm sorry, babe_ looked to Alex, who seemed just as frustrated and disappointed as Olivia.

"Go," Alex said. "We'll continue this later. Call me with the details when you get there."

Olivia got up, got dressed, and headed downstairs to meet Elliot.

#

The case they had was as weird as any they had seen. The parents of the girl had attempted to impregnate her with a syringe in an effort to continue having more children. Their victim, Jackie, testified to the grand jury what had happened, but once Alex got her to trial on Friday, she recanted her statements, choosing to protect her father, instead.

Alex was pissed but had no alternative but to send the detectives back to the drawing board. However, it led them to connect a Jane Doe that had been found two years ago back to the Landrick's house, and they were able to find her skull buried in the house. By Saturday night, they had a confession of murder from Tom Landricks and the case was all but wrapped up.

"I can't believe he confessed," Alex said when Olivia finally came home and filled her in. "What a sick bastard."

"He had no choice," Olivia said. "I'm just glad Elliot noticed that bracelet and got Jackie to tell us what happened."

"Well, you saved my ass after what happened in court yesterday," Alex said. "Liz was about to have my head on a platter when I told her Jackie recanted her statement to the Grand Jury."

"Well, you do have a nice ass," Olivia said. "I'd say it's definitely worth saving."

"Aren't you the charmer?" Alex said.

"Tomorrow I was hoping for a quiet day at home," Olivia said. "Maybe we can cook dinner together tomorrow night?

"Shit!" Alex said. "Tomorrow, I forgot."

"Forgot what?" Olivia asked.

"My mom is coming for a visit," Alex said, shyly. "She actually wanted to come here and see our place."

"You mean the disaster of an apartment that either of has barely spent any time in this week, much less cleaned?" Olivia said, looking around and suddenly panicking.

"Sorry," Alex said. "With everything this week, I forgot to mention it."

"No, it's fine," Olivia said. "I'm glad she's coming to visit. I just wish we weren't going to have to stay up all night cleaning this place."

#

The next morning, Olivia and Alex were exhausted. Their apartment was never that dirty, but Olivia was paranoid seeing as how it was the first time Alex's mother had been to their place. She wanted everything to be perfect.

They met Caroline for lunch and then Olivia sent Alex and her mother off to spend the day together while she did some grocery shopping. She promised a home cooked meal for the three of them that night.

"Olivia, Alex didn't tell me you were such a good cook," Caroline said during their dinner.

"That's just because I didn't know she even knew how to cook," Alex said, laughing at her own joke.

"Oh, like you are any better," Olivia teased back. "Thank you, Caroline. It's one of my favorites, so I'm glad you liked it."

"Oh, honey," Caroline said. "Your sister is going to be in town next week. Please call her and try to make time to see you. I know she would love it."

Alex sighed. "She could call me if she wants to see me," Alex said.

"Don't be like that, Alex," Caroline said. "You know why she doesn't call you, she's intimidated by you. Listen, things seem pleasant between you two when your father passed, I was just hoping they could be better again."

"Fine, I'll call her," Alex said. "But no promises."

That night, as they were getting into bed, Olivia took Alex's hand.

"What's the story with your sister?" Olivia said. "I mean, you never talk about her; at least not as much as your brother. I didn't even know her name before I went to your parent's house the first time."

"It's a long, complicated, story," Alex said. "But the short version is that she is and always has been selfish. She'd walk all over my Mom if Dad and I had let her. So, she blames me for a lot of her troubles. She's been in jail a couple of times, even for a felony, and always just expects me to fix everything for her. When I don't, because I can't, because she's usually guilty, she gets pissed off and won't speak to me."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "That sounds difficult. Has she changed any?"

"Mom think so. She says she has, too," Alex said. "But I've heard it so many times, I'll have to see it to believe it. Anyway, I don't want to talk about Rebecca anymore."

"Well, if you see her, maybe I can meet her next week," Olivia said.

"Don't hold your breath," Alex said. "Now, can we get back to our regularly scheduled nightly activities? I have to admit, having sex with you almost everyday kind of got me spoiled, and I'm kind of feeling like being spoiled tonight."

"Anything you want, Ice Queen," Olivia said. Alex smacked her on the arm before pulling her in and pressing their lips together.


	31. Mother's Day

A/N: A treat for Mother's Day. In the same universe as the other Liv/Noah/Alex stories. Living together, but not married yet. Also, you'll notice Alex's mother is still alive in this universe.

I have decided that WitSec will **not** happen, but these two storylines going (this one, and the one we're working through S4, will connect eventually). However, the Conviction Arch I did will **not** be connected.

Few questions to answer: Yes, we're definitely coming back to Alex's sister. We'll meet her, and she'll have an interesting role to play in my plot. No, they haven't disclosed yet. In my mind, they got distracted by the funeral, and the rough patch they went through. It's coming back around to it, though.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: MOTHER'S DAY**

It was Mother's Day and Alex and Noah had big plans for Olivia; plans that started on Saturday night when Alex made sure Olivia had a little too much wine before bed. She needed to make sure Olivia slept well and slept in. Since Olivia usually woke up before she did, getting up to prepare breakfast in bed without waking her would be challenging. Alex knew too much wine would do the trick.

And it did.

Alex snuck out of bed and began to prepare breakfast. Omelettes. Bacon. Sourdough toast. Strawberries. Mimosas. Once it was ready and she had Noah's homemade card on the tray, Alex woke him up to help deliver the meal.

The two of them quietly snuck into Olivia and Alex's bedroom, Alex holding the tray of food. Once they were in and Alex gave him the cue, Noah did his part.

"Mommy!" he yelled as jumped on the bed and tackled a sleeping Olivia with a hug and a kiss. Alex stood back with a smile on her face, watching Olivia go from dead asleep to panic, to smiles when she realized it was Noah planting kisses on her face.

"Happy Mommy Day!" Noah said when Olivia was fully awake. "I love you!"

"Thank you, Noah. I love you, too," Olivia said. She looked over and saw the breakfast Alex was still holding. "Wow, Noah, did make me breakfast, too?"

"Mamma Lex helped," he said. Olivia laughed. _Yeah, I'll bet Alex did a little more than help._

Alex moved over to the bed when Noah moved off Olivia. He sat next to Olivia and Alex sat the tray of food down for Olivia.

"Happy Mother's Day, Liv," Alex said and then leaned down to give Olivia a quick peck on the lips. She then handed Olivia the two cards on the tray. One homemade from Noah. One standard hallmark card from Alex.

Olivia could only smile. She couldn't believe how happy the two people in front of her could make her.

"Where is your food? It is your day, too," Olivia said, giving Alex a smile.

"Oh, I ate while you were sleeping, but I did bring my dessert," Alex said, holding up her mimosa. She slid into the other side of the bed and sat while Olivia finished her breakfast, Noah sitting in between the two of them like they had so many times over the past several months.

"I was thinking, if you want, that we could go to Central Park this morning for a walk and then maybe get some ice cream afterward," Alex said.

"That sounds like a good idea," Olivia said. "Anything else the two of you have up your sleeve today?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," Alex teased.

They finished up breakfast and cleaned up before heading out for a walk in the park. They finished the morning up with ice cream, much to Noah's delight.

"I can't believe you promised him ice cream before lunch," Olivia laughed.

"Oh, like you never have dessert before dinner," Alex said, giving Olivia a wink and a smirk.

"You know, one day, Noah is going to be old enough to catch on to your adult jokes," Olivia said.

"We have plenty of time before that happens, and it's fun to watch you blush," Alex said. She took Olivia's ice cream cone from her hand and began to lick it.

"I also can't believe you didn't get your own ice cream if you were going to just eat mine," Olivia said. She attempted to snag her ice cream back from Alex, but the struggle ended with chocolate ice cream all over Alex's nose and mouth.

Noah and Olivia laughed. Olivia handed Alex a napkin once she had her cone back and Alex began wiping her face.

"Did I get it all?" Alex asked. She still had some chocolate on the side of her mouth. Olivia leaned in and kissed her, making sure to get the remaining chocolate off Alex's face.

"Now it's all gone," Olivia smiled and took Alex's hand as Noah focused on finishing off his cone while sitting next to them.

"I have one other place we wanted to take you today," Alex said. Olivia gave her a curious look. "I thought we could go to the cemetery to see your mother's grave. I mean, only if you want to go."

"Alex," Olivia said. She was truly touched at the suggestion. "Yes, I'd love that. I've actually been thinking about taking Noah at some point. He's never been. I'm not sure he really understands death, although I do show him pictures of Ellie sometimes."

"Well, let's get going then," Alex said.

They drove out to where Olivia's mother was buried and spent some time at her tombstone. They had stopped to buy flowers - white lilies - Serena Benson's favorite. Noah didn't quite understand the concept of a cemetery yet but asked a lot of questions about his grandmother. Olivia was happy to spend the time there with him and Alex remembering about her, at least the good memories.

"Have you talked to your mom today?" Olivia asked Alex.

"Not yet," Alex said. "I called earlier when we were in the park, but she didn't answer. I'll try her again tonight."

"Thank you for today, Alex," Olivia said. "This was perfect." Olivia smiled as she noticed Noah had nearly fallen asleep in Alex's lap while they were sitting at the grave site. "We should probably get this guy home for a nap."

By the time they got home, it was late afternoon. Noah had fallen asleep on the car ride back, and Olivia had to carry him inside the building.

When Alex opened the door for them, she was surprised to see her mother sitting on their couch, reading a book.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Alex said, looking between her mother and Olivia as Olivia went to put Noah to bed.

Caroline got up to give her daughter a hug.

"Is that any way to greet your mother on Mother's Day, Alexandra?" Caroline said with a smile.

"I'm sorry, mom," Alex said. "Happy Mother's Day. I'm just surprised to see you."

Olivia came out of the bedroom after putting Noah down.

"I asked her to join us for dinner tonight," Olivia said. "I'm cooking while the three of you have some mother-daughter-grandson time."

Alex turned around and gave Olivia a surprised look.

"What? You're not the only one with surprises up their sleeve," Olivia grinned.

Olivia made her way to the kitchen while Alex and her mom got comfortable in the living room. Within half an hour, Noah woke up from his nap and joined them.

"Grandma!" he said when he saw Caroline. Her face lit up at the words.

"We've been working on that with him," Alex confessed.

"Well, I can't think of a better Mother's Day gift than being here with all of you," Caroline said. "Your brother is still in Tokyo for work, and your sister called earlier today. I'm just glad I get to see some of my kids today."

"We could have come up there, Mom," Alex said.

"Nonsense," Caroline said. "I love coming to the city, and I had some things I wanted to bring you."

She reached into her bag and pulled out some photo albums. Noah snuggled up next to her on one side and Alex on the other.

I wanted to bring some of your childhood photos albums to you, and I've also been putting together some new ones for Noah. The three of them sat on the couch looking through the albums, Noah laughing at pictures of Alex as a child, especially the one she was in the kitchen covered in flour.

Caroline had also put together a photo album of Noah, Alex, and Olivia. Flipping through it brought tears to Alex's eyes.

"Liv, you should come see this," Alex said.

"Actually, I already showed it to Olivia," Caroline said. "In fact, she helped me put it together for you."

"Wow, you two keep entirely too much from me," Alex said. "That's it, I'm cutting off your phone privileges."

"Good luck with that," Caroline said. "Olivia calls me more than you do."

After dinner and a family movie, Caroline took Noah to bed to read to him and put him to sleep. She insisted on sleeping on the rollaway bed, even though Olivia insisted she would take it and let her share the bed with Alex.

When Alex and Olivia finally retired for the night, they made their way to the bedroom.

"Thank you for arranging all of this, Liv," Alex said, pulling Olivia down to sit by her on the bed. "Happy Mother's Day."

"Happy Mother's Day to you, too," Olivia said. "You did a pretty good job planning yourself. But, I have one more surprise for you."

"Liv, what else could you possibly have done?" Alex said.

Olivia reached into her nightstand and pulled out a long box. She handed it to Alex.

"Go on, unwrap it," Olivia said.

Alex did and opened and pulled out a necklace with three birthstones on it.

"Liv, you didn't," Alex said.

"It's a Mother's necklace, instead of a ring," Olivia explained as she took it from Alex and unhooked it to put it on her. "The Emerald is for your birthday. The Tanzanite is for Noah's birthday. The Ruby is for your mother's birthday."

Alex looked down, holding the necklace between her fingers.

"Like I've told you before, you are just as much Noah's mother as I am," Olivia said. "And I know, we may not be married, yet, but that doesn't make any difference to Noah and me. You're our family, and I wanted you to enjoy this Mother's Day, the first of many, and feel as special as I do waking up to you and Noah every day."

"Oh, Liv, I do, every single day," Alex said. She leaned over and kissed Olivia. "Thank you. I love you so much."

"And I love you."


	32. Damaged

A/N: Pay attention to this one, as I'm setting up some big things to come. Since we're not doing WitSec, I'm going to have to replace it with something else. Mostly, because I'm evil or something.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.11 DAMAGED**

"Don't forget to call your sister today," Olivia reminded Alex before leaving for work. "You promised your mom."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Alex mumbled as she refilled her coffee cup and went back to the couch. "What time will you be home tonight?"

"I don't know yet, hon," Olivia said, rushing over to give Alex quick goodbye kiss. "I'll let you know when I can."

Olivia hadn't been home at a reasonable hour since Alex's mother had been for a visit. This was the week Alex's sister was supposed to be in town, and Olivia promised she would be available to have dinner with them unless an emergency came up.

They had just finished a case where a psychopathic teenage girl arranged for her younger sister to be raped and then murdered. Alex sought the death penalty in the case, pushed Petrovsky's buttons once again, and was tired. Not seeing Olivia much didn't help her mood.

Olivia left and Alex picked up her phone to call her sister, Rebecca. She knew it was early, but she was hoping for voicemail, if she were being honest. It would put the burden back on Rebecca and get Alex off the hook with her mom when Rebecca didn't call her back.

The phone began to ring. _Voicemail._ Just as Alex hoped.

"Hey, Becca, it's Alex," she said. "Mom mentioned you were going to be in and that we should get together. Give me a call back if you'd like to have dinner this week."

 _Done_. Rebecca wouldn't call back, and Alex would be guilt-free.

Except, Rebecca did call back, right as Alex got to work.

"Cabot," Alex said, snapping her phone open without looking to see who it was.

"Cabot here, too," Rebecca joked.

"What?" Alex said, still not realizing who it was.

"It's your sister, Rebecca," she said. "Remember, you called me at the butt crack of dawn this morning?"

"Oh, sorry Becca," Alex said. "I didn't see who was calling. Sorry I called so early, I just -"

"You were just hoping to get me before I was awake so you could talk to my voicemail and not me," Rebecca said, cutting her off.

"Anyway," Alex said, ignoring her comment, mostly because it was true. "Do you want to have dinner or not?"

"That depends," Rebecca said. "Are you doing this because Mom asked you to or because you want to see me?"

"Why do you always have to do this?" Alex said. "I wouldn't have called if I didn't want to see you. You're my sister, for God's sake."

"How about tonight?" Rebecca said.

Alex thought for a minute. SVU didn't have a new case that she knew about yet, so hopefully Olivia would be available. She certainly didn't want to sit through an hour or so of dinner without Olivia there to deflect.

"Okay, 7 pm at Mario's," Alex said.

"See you then," Rebecca said before hanging up.

Alex immediately picked up the phone to call Olivia and let her know of their plans for the evening. She wasn't answering, so Alex left a message, hoping she would get a chance to confirm later.

Having not heard back from Olivia all day, and not seen her, Alex wandered over to the precinct around 4 pm in hopes of catching her.

"Olivia, I've been trying to reach you all day," Alex said.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said, getting up to meet Alex. They walked up to the crib. "We had a call this morning. Neighbor called in what they thought was a rape. We've been trying to figure the pieces out all day. So far we have no complaining witness, though. We're going to take one more run in the apartment complex in a bit, though."

"Did you get my message?" Alex asked.

"Oh, right, dinner with Rebecca," Olivia said. "I'm sorry that I forgot to call. Um, yeah, that should be fine. 7 pm, right?"

"Yes, at Mario's," Alex said. "Do you want just to go from here? I have some work I could catch up on."

"No, go on home when you're done," Olivia said. "I'll meet you there, but I have to go right now. I'm sorry."

At 7:15 pm Alex was sitting at dinner with Rebecca and hadn't seen or heard from Olivia yet. Fortunately, by the time they got seated and listened to the specials, they hadn't had much time alone.

"We're still waiting on one more," Alex said. "Can you bring us some bread and a bottle of your Chianti?"

"I'll have tea, please," Rebecca said. The waiter nodded and left. Alex gave her sister a questioning look. "I'll have a glass; I'm just trying to cut back."

"Oh," Alex said, in a surprised tone. "Excuse me while I call Olivia. I have no idea where she is."

Rebecca nodded for her to go ahead while she went back to reading the menu.

"Benson," Olivia said when she answered.

"Olivia, where are you?" Alex said. She was annoyed.

"I'm in the squad room, Alex, I'll - oh crap, your sister," Olivia said, realizing where she was supposed to be. "I'll be right there. Give me 10 minutes."

"Fine," Alex said flatly. "You better hurry."

She closed her phone and saw the small smirk on her sister's face.

"What?" Alex said.

"Nothing," Rebecca said. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Paradise is just fine, thank you," Alex said. "Olivia has just been absent-minded lately and is working too much."

"Well, she is an SVU detective," Rebecca said. "And it's not like you don't work a lot either."

"Why are we talking about my relationship?" Alex said.

"I don't know, maybe because we're sisters, and that's what normal sisters do?" Rebecca said.

The waiter returned with their bread and poured two glasses of wine. They went ahead and ordered, with Alex ordering for Olivia. By the time he was gone, Olivia had shown up.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Olivia said, placing a kiss on Alex's cheek. "The interviews took longer than we thought. Anyway, enough about that, it's nice to see you again Rebecca."

Olivia had only met Rebecca once when she took Alex home before her father passed away. With everything going on, she didn't have much time to talk to her.

"It's okay," Rebecca said. "We were just having some sisterly chat." She smiled, and Alex rolled her eyes and took a large sip of her wine.

"So, Rebecca, what brings you to the city," Olivia said, pouring herself a glass of wine.

"Actually, a new job," Rebecca said. "I'm moving here, so I'm in town this week apartment hunting."

Alex nearly choked on her wine before replying. "That's great, Rebecca," she finally managed to say. "What are you going to be doing?"

"Working for another, but bigger marketing agency," she said. "I met one of the board members at a function a while back, and he wanted to see my portfolio. As soon as something came up, he called. I start in a couple of weeks."

"That's great," Olivia said. "I'm sure if you need any help, we'd be happy to give you some tips."

"Thank you, Olivia," Rebecca said. "I'll let you know."

"Where are you staying while you're here?" Olivia asked.

"I'm staying with a friend tonight, but she has guests starting tomorrow, so I was just going to get a hotel," Rebecca said.

"Why don't you just stay with us?" Olivia said. "I mean, it won't be as comfortable as a hotel, but we do have a rollaway, and I'm sure it'll save you a ton of money that you'll need once you do move here."

Alex glared at Olivia and Rebecca noticed.

"Um, thank you for the offer, Olivia, but it'll be fine," Rebecca said. "But I'd love to see your place, and maybe we can all get together later this week."

They finished up dinner with Olivia and Rebecca doing most of the talking. Rebecca promised to call Alex later in the week so they could get together again.

As soon as Olivia and Alex got home, though, Alex let Olivia have it.

"What the hell were you doing?" Alex said, no sooner than they had closed the apartment door.

"What do you mean?" Olivia said, unsure which part Alex was upset about - her being late, her being polite, or her inviting Rebecca to stay with them.

"You invited my sister to stay with us without even running it by me first," Alex said. "You know how I feel about her. Do you honestly think I want her staying in our apartment?"

"It was a few days, Alex," Olivia said. "I was just trying to be polite to her, something you didn't seem to be able to manage to do. The only thing at the table you seemed interested in was the bottle of wine."

Olivia and Rebecca each had one glass. Alex had polished off the rest of the bottle by herself, including what Olivia didn't drink from her glass.

"Yes, and maybe I have my reasons for both," Alex said. "Either way, it's my family, and you had no right to do that. Trust me; she doesn't need or care about saving the money."

"You're right, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "It won't happen again. I guess I thought I was trying to help."

"Well, you weren't," Alex said. "And by the way, it wouldn't hurt for you to put a little more effort into being around here and showing up on time for things."

"Alex, I told you I was sorry about that," Olivia said. "You know I was working and what we've been dealing with the past week. But, I'll try harder."

Olivia knew arguing with Alex when she was sober wasn't a good idea. Arguing with Alex when she had had even a little too much to drink was impossible.

"Listen, I'm sorry about your sister," Olivia said. "If you don't want to see her this week, we don't have to. It's just, she's your family, so I was trying to be polite."

"I know, but just trust me on this," Alex said. "Rebecca has been in and out of trouble since I can remember. She's charming and manipulative. I hope she's turned it around, but I still don't trust her. With dad gone, I just don't want her taking advantage of anyone, including your kindness."

"Okay, well, from now on, you call the shots with your family," Olivia said. "I won't interfere."


	33. Rotten

A/N: So, I'm working toward something and anxious to get there. But vacation officially ends tomorrow (two glorious weeks). All I will say is have faith in A/O. No matter what happens, you'll get your happy ending. Thanks so much for the Reviews and for reading. I think Appearances and Fallacy are coming up as the next two; then we'll move into dreaded Season 5 (with a twist).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.13 ROTTEN**

"Olivia, you're letting this case get to you too much," Alex told Olivia they were getting out of bed. "You've been working too much, and I'm concerned."

"Alex, these are dirty cops," Olivia said. "Edmonds and Cooper give cops a bad name. If you can't trust the good guys, who can you trust?"

Olivia had only slept about 3 hours before getting up and heading back to the precinct.

"I'm just saying, 1PP and the DA's office want it to go away quietly," Alex said. "Let IAB do their job."

"They're not doing it," Olivia said. "Someone has to. I have to go. I'll see you later."

Olivia gave Alex a quick kiss before darting out the door.

After a deal with Edmonds and nothing on Cooper, the powers that be considered the case closed. Alex was just doing her job, but none of them liked the outcome.

"Get me more evidence and I'll go after Cooper," Alex told Olivia and Cragen after finalizing a deal with Edmonds.

For Olivia, between Alex's words and Cragen's blessing to continue working the case "unofficially," it gave her permission to throw herself even more into the case.

Alex wanted to see justice as much as Olivia, but not the way Olivia was going about it. Not only had she been throwing herself into this case, as she had been for several weeks, but she was working far too much and sleeping far too little.

When Olivia didn't come home that night, it didn't come as a surprise to Alex. But when her phone rang at 2 am, her heart stopped momentarily. _Was this the call?_

"Cabot."

"I need a warrant," Olivia said. "Can you come down to the precinct?"

45 minutes later, Alex strolled into the 1-6 in the middle of the night.

"What could not wait until morning?" Alex said. She was not happy with her girlfriend.

Olivia needed a wiretap. She was still working on this because Alex was the one who said come to her if she needed anything. Why wouldn't she still be working on it? Of course, 2 am phone calls to wake up judges wasn't exactly what Alex meant.

"You are on a crusade," Alex said.

"You're damn right I am!" Olivia snapped.

Alex agreed to get her a warrant for a wiretap, but not before pulling her into an interrogation room.

"Olivia, you have got to stop this," Alex said. "You not a superhero."

"Alex, in case you forgot while you were trying to please you bosses, this is my job," Olivia said.

"And what about me?" Alex said. "Where do I fit in? Olivia, I've barely seen you in weeks, and when I have, you've been distracted or sleeping or late."

"I know, Alex, and I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I promise to make it up to you."

"Liv, one of the things I love most about you is how much you care about people," Alex said. "I'm not asking you to stop that, but you need to take care of yourself. I'm worried."

What Alex also meant, but wasn't saying was that she wanted Olivia to take care of her, too. When she said she was worried, she was worried about Olivia, but she was also worried about them.

"And I appreciate that," Olivia said. "These guys just need to be off the street."

After a few more days of Olivia working herself to death, and getting a write-up from Cragen in her jacket for disobeying his orders to steer clear of the 2-9 precinct, they got their guys. Of course, Edmonds hung himself in his cell, not being able to live with what he had done. All the same, justice of some degree, had been served.

Olivia knew she had been absent and distant from home so as soon as the case was over and she had a couple of mandatory days off, she planned to make it up to Alex. She knew Alex would only tolerate so much of this.

"Hey, you're home," Olivia said when Alex came home later that night. "I am cooking dinner for us, and I also picked up some of your favorite bath salts. I thought you may want to relax a bit before dinner. We have about 45 minutes before it'll be ready."

"Wow, there is my girlfriend," Alex said, meeting Olivia in the kitchen to give her a kiss. "It's nice of you to return."

Alex took a hot bath until Olivia came to tell her dinner was done. She joined Olivia at the table for their grilled salmon with potatoes and asparagus.

"When you said you were cooking dinner, I have expected you to call for take-out as soon as I got into the bath," Alex teased.

"I have been thinking today," Olivia said. "I know we had planned to disclose our relationship before your father passed away, and then things just got kind of crazy for a while. We haven't talked about it recently."

"Oh, yeah, I guess we haven't," Alex said. "It's just, you've been so busy lately, I thought maybe you wanted to put it off."

"No, of course not," Olivia said. "I'm ready if you are."

"I'm ready," Alex said. "But you know, we have to be prepared for the possibility that I'll be transferred."

"Alex, if you don't want that, you know I'd be willing," Olivia said.

"No, you wouldn't, Liv," Alex said.

"What do you mean, I wouldn't?" Olivia said. She was hurt by what Alex was implying. "You know I love you and would do anything for you, even give up SVU."

"I know that you would, Liv," Alex said. "That came out wrong. I just don't think you would be happy. I mean, SVU is your life."

"Alex, you're my life," Olivia argued.

Alex opened her mouth to say something, but the words didn't come out. Instead, she said, "I just know that SVU makes you happy. Me, I love it, too, but you make more of a difference than I ever could. I mean, this was the plan. I would be leaving SVU eventually. There's no reason to deviate from that."

"Okay, well, if you're ready, we can do it tomorrow," Olivia said. "I'm off, but that gives me plenty of time to be flexible to Liz and Cragen's schedule."

"Let's do it," Alex said, feeling more secure and happy about their relationship than she had in a few weeks.


	34. Appearances

A/N: This doesn't really have anything to do with the episode, but timeline wise, that's where we're at. There will be stuff from Fallacy in the next chapter, though. I'll add some notes at the end about this chapter.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.19 APPEARANCES**

"How did Branch take the news?" Olivia asked when Alex got home from work that evening. They had disclosed several weeks ago, but Branch had been out of town. While it was no surprise or concern to bosses, Liz said that it would be up to the DA to decide whether Alex in SVU and for how long.

"She said he didn't seem surprised," Alex said. "You know courthouse gossip. I guess it even gets to Branch. Anyway, he didn't seem to be in a big hurry to move me as long as Liz and Cragen were supportive."

"That's great, Alex!" Olivia said.

"Yeah, I guess," Alex said.

"What do you mean, you guess?" Olivia said. "Isn't this what you wanted, to stay in SVU?"

"I do, or well, I thought I did. But we both stay so busy there. If I was in a different department...," Alex said.

Olivia nodded. She understood. Alex had been upset with her for a while for how much she had been working, but Olivia had been working on it.

"Anyway, eventually, they'll move me, but I don't expect it will happen for a while," Alex said. "We need to leave. Rebecca is expecting us."

"Rebecca?" Olivia said.

"I told you the other day, we're having dinner and drinks at her new apartment tonight, and she wanted us to meet her roommate," Alex said. "Tell me you didn't forget and make plans?"

Alex was begrudgingly trying to make amends with her sister, at her mother's urging. The occasional lunch or dinner would kill her, but she was still suspicious.

"No, no plans," Olivia said. She had forgotten, though. "I'm ready when you are."

They took a cab across town to Rebecca's new apartment. Rebecca had been lucky enough to find something quickly, even if it meant having a roommate. It meant she could afford a nicer place without digging into her savings. And it turned out she liked her roommate.

Rebecca greeted them when they arrived.

"Alex, Olivia, it's good to see you," Rebecca said, taking their jackets when they came in. Olivia was carrying a bottle of wine. "Olivia, you can sit that in the kitchen if you want. Jess is in there finishing dinner."

Alex followed her sister to the living room, and Olivia went the other short distance to the kitchen.

"Rebecca said I should sit the wine in here," Olivia said to the back the woman leaned over the oven.

"Thanks, you can sit it anywhere," the woman said before turning around. "Oh my God, Olivia Benson!"

"Jessica?" Olivia said.

Alex and Rebecca had heard the exclamation and came into the kitchen.

"You two know each other?" Rebecca asked. Alex stood by and watched.

"Know each other? She practically lived at my house one summer when she was banging my little brother," Jessica said. Olivia's face blushed, and Alex's eyes darted toward her.

"James and I were dating, that's all," Olivia said. "It was just for a few months after I graduated high school."

"Whatever, I've probably seen you naked more than my last girlfriend," Jessica laughed. "They apparently couldn't be bothered to ever lock the door to our shared TV room, and he wasn't allowed to have girls in his room, even at 18."

Alex moved over and put her hand on Olivia's back. She wasn't sure why, but she was beginning to get jealous. Olivia noticed.

"Anyway, we all went to the same high school. How is James?" Olivia said, changing the subject from her naked body.

"He's good," Jessica said. "Married, three kids. He lives upstate." She then turned to Alex.

"I see you still have a type, Liv," she continued. "Tall blondes? I have to say, though, I am a little surprised to see you have switched teams."

Olivia was nervous; this was not what she was expecting from the night. Although, Jessica made a good point about her type. James had shaggy blonde hair and was much taller than Olivia. Maybe she did have a type.

"Well, you know, you begin to figure things out when you get older," Olivia said. Or perhaps you start to figure them out when you realize you have a crush on your boyfriend's beautiful older sister, who happened to be a lesbian.

"You must be Rebecca's fabulous sister, Alex," Jessica said, sticking out her hand to shake Alex's who did the same. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Alex said.

"Dinner is ready," Jessica said. "Let's eat and drink up."

Dinner conversation was focused on Rebecca's new job and how she met Jessica. Olivia was grateful for that. Jessica and her girlfriend had recently broken up and needed a roommate. That's how she met Rebecca. Rebecca had broken up with the guy she was dating before she moved to the city, so it made sense for them to share a place. They seemed to get along well.

Alex was quiet during dinner, as she usually was around her sister. She spent most of her time sipping her wine, only asking questions occasionally. She had been through 3 glasses before Olivia could finish one and a half. Olivia usually didn't mind. Alex never really got completely drunk, but it did make Olivia uncomfortable when she knew she was like this - quiet and drinking. It usually meant she was stewing on something and Olivia was probably going to hear about it later.

They retired to the living room for a while, continuing the conversation. When Alex started to pour her 5th glass of wine, Olivia stopped her.

"Alex, don't you think we've had enough?" Olivia asked.

"It's Friday night, Olivia," Alex said. "I don't have to work tomorrow, and I'm a damn adult."

Olivia took a sharp breath and allowed Alex to continue. She got up from the couch to take her dessert plate and wine glass to the kitchen. Rebecca followed.

"What's going on with my sister?" Rebecca asked.

"What do you mean?" Olivia said. She knew what Rebecca meant, but knew Alex wouldn't like her talking to Rebecca about it.

"Come on, Olivia. I know you've noticed," Rebecca said. "She's had at least a bottle of wine tonight, and the last couple of times we were together, she had more than both of us combined."

Olivia was concerned. She had noticed, but Alex had warned her about Rebecca. She wasn't sure how much she could trust her.

"Alex is fine," Olivia said. "But, we probably should get going."

Rebecca just looked at her with a pleading face, but nodded. She knew Olivia didn't trust her.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she's safe," Olivia said, acknowledging the worried look on Rebecca's face.

When Olivia returned to where Alex was, she noticed Alex was staring at her with an unpleased look. _Great. This is going to be a fun weekend._

When they got home, Alex went straight to the bedroom to change into her pajamas. Olivia silently hoped she would go straight to sleep and forget whatever had put her into the foul mood. She barely spoke to Olivia on the cab ride home.

Olivia sat on the couch and picked up a book she had been trying to finish for a month. She was glad for the weekend off, hoping it would stay that way, even if her mind kept drifting back to work. Alex finished changing and came back to join Olivia on the couch. She was still silent.

"Tonight was nice," Olivia finally said, trying to break the silence. "Your sister seems happy with her new job and to be doing well."

"Yeah," Alex said. "It seems like you had fun tonight, at least."

"Alex, don't do this," Olivia said. "Whatever you're thinking, I can assure you, is not true."

"What exactly am I thinking, Olivia?" Alex said. "I mean, you know me so well, right? You spend so much time with me, and you're so attentive. Tell me what I'm thinking."

Olivia was silent. She knew she couldn't win.

"Well, let me just tell you then and you can see if you're right," Alex said. "I'm thinking that it's awesome how you can always find time for other people, to engage in conversation, and listen to them, but when I tell you things, I never even know if it's registering."

"Alex, we went to dinner because you wanted to go," Olivia said. "That was me spending time with you."

"Oh, you were spending time with me?" Alex said. "Was this when you and my sister were whispering in the kitchen tonight? Or was it when Jessica was sharing stories of you naked on her couch?"

"Are you seriously jealous?" Olivia snapped.

"Jealous?" Alex said. "No, why would I be jealous? I would just like you to give me the same attention you give other people. The same attention you give my sister, or Jessica, or Elliot, or the fucking guy at the deli next door, or your work."

"So, you're mad about me working too much, or me being polite to others? I don't even know what I'm up against here, Alex," Olivia said.

Alex ignored her.

"What were you and my sister talking about in the kitchen?" Alex said.

"It was nothing," Olivia said.

"Tell me, Olivia," Alex said. "You promised not to get involved in my family affairs, remember?"

"Fine, she was just concerned about you," Olivia said. "She just commented you had a lot to drink the past few times we saw her."

"And are you concerned?" Alex said.

"I told her you were fine," Olivia said.

"That's not what I asked you," Alex said. "Are you concerned about my drinking?"

Olivia was silent for a moment. She hadn't thought too much about it. Of course, Alex was right that she hadn't been around to notice if it even should be a concern. She knew whatever her answer was wasn't going to please Alex.

"No, I'm not concerned," Olivia said. "And it's not because I don't care, but it's because I trust you."

Alex nodded. "Good," she said. "You don't need to be." It seemed to calm her down a little.

"Alex, are we okay?" Olivia asked. "I know things have been tense with us lately."

"I just have a lot on my mind," Alex said. "I mean, my sister being around is stressful. Yes, it seems she's doing well, but it's hard for me to trust her. And I miss you. You've been working a lot lately. And I've been working a lot. It's just hard."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"I'm just tired of hearing I'm sorry, and I forgot," Alex said. "Or, I'm trying. I mean, I know that you do try, but only when I get upset."

"I'll do better," Olivia said. "I promise. But I'm not the only one with a busy schedule."

"I know that," Alex said. "And that's why I think I'm ready to leave SVU. We can't keep doing this. It's hard enough for one person. With both of us, it's nearly impossible."

Olivia nodded. "We'll get through it, Alex," she said. "We just have to work through this together. It's just a little while longer."

* * *

A/N 2: This probably isn't going where you may be thinking...so don't get too anxious (yet).

I will give a warning, though. I just plotted out what is coming in the near future, and planning it out made me almost cry. It's going to be rough. But like I said before, I like happy endings. Just hang with me. (And I realize this started at one-shots and completely took a new life. Sorry about that). :)


	35. Fallacy

A/N: I have the next chapter ready, too. Five hours on a plane will do that. So look for it right after this one. It's "Loss" and it's not nearly as emotional as the canon Loss...but that is coming. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 4.21 FALLACY**

Cheryl Avery killed Joe and as bad as Alex felt for her situation she had no choice but to prosecute her. She had other options, but she chose to kill.

Olivia came home late the night they found out Cheryl was still biologically a man. Eddie had committed suicide, and IAB had been crawling all over SVU. Olivia opened the door to the apartment quietly, hoping not to wake Alex if she was sleeping.

She wasn't.

Alex was curled up on the couch with her legal pad and reference books spread across the couch and coffee table. Alex looked up and smiled when she saw Olivia.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Olivia replied. She made her way to the couch and moved a couple of Alex's books to the table so she could sit next to the blonde.

"I know what you're going to say, Liv," Alex said. "But she killed Joe."

"I know, sweetie," Olivia said. "You have to do your job."

"It's not even that," Alex said. "She had other options. She could have left that bathroom. She didn't have to kill him."

"She didn't," Olivia said. "But you understand why she did it, right?"

"I understand she was scared," Alex said. "But that doesn't change the law."

Olivia knew. She was sympathetic toward Cheryl, but she also felt bad for the position Alex was in. In earlier days, she would have argued with Alex until she was blue in the face to let Cheryl off the hook or to give her a better deal. But she knew if there was anything Alex could do, she would.

Olivia scooted closer to Alex and picked her feet and legs up, laying them across her lap. Alex continued working, but she needed Olivia's touch, even if it was just the gentle stroking of her legs. Alex was happy Olivia was there and was present. Neither of them understood exactly what Cheryl was going through, but knew what it felt like to be scared of judgment from people and family.

"Whatever you need from me, I'm here," Olivia said. "At home or work."

Alex smiled at Olivia and went back to reading.

The following day at arraignment, media whore lawyer Morton Berger showed up to represent Cheryl, claiming she attacked Joe because of the persecution she had experienced.

"I can't offer her a plea unless you find something to back her her claim of persecution and can show me she's not ever been violent," Alex told Olivia. She knew Olivia believe Cheryl deserved to be cut a break.

Olivia found it, and Alex made the offer, which Berger rejected on Cheryl's behalf.

Back at home that night, Oliva beat Alex home. She made a salad and picked up some wine and flowers to have waiting on Alex when she got home. She wanted Alex to know that no matter what happened with Cheryl, she was there for her. She was making an effort to be the girlfriend that Alex deserved.

Alex was surprised when she got home and saw what Olivia had done. They sat down for dinner, something that had escaped them too often lately.

"I can't believe Cheryl turned down the offer," Alex said. "I mean, fair or not, that jury is going to react to her just like your partner did. I can't believe he called her a He-She."

"Yeah, Elliot is a meathead sometimes," Olivia said. "But, he's come a long way."

Alex nodded in agreement as she slowly sipped her wine.

"When did you know?" Alex asked. In all the time they had been together, it was something they had never talked about.

"I knew I wasn't exactly as crazy about guys as my friends were in high school, but it probably was the summer after graduation that I realized I was into women," Olivia said, revealing a little more than she realized. "Of course, it took me a lot longer before I ever did anything about it, and even longer to get comfortable with the idea of it. You?"

"College. Sophomore year," Alex said. "Of course, knowing my dad, I ran from it from far too long. Pretended it was a phase or that I could be happy alone, if need be. You know, focus on my career, and I wouldn't have to deal with coming out."

"I can't even imagine what Cheryl feels like," Olivia said. "I mean, it was scary enough admitting that I liked women, much less not feeling at home in your own body."

"I remember my first crush," Alex said. "It was so exciting and scary at the same time. I hated how confused it made me. Jill Patrick, one of my college friends. We lived down the hall from each other in the dorm. Who was yours?"

"Uh, I don't remember," Olivia said. She was lying but didn't think telling Alex it happened to be her sister's roommate was a good idea. Not yet, anyway.

"Oh come on," Alex said. "Everyone remembers their first crush."

"Sorry," Olivia shrugged. "So, what are you doing to do about Cheryl?"

"I guess we go to trial if she didn't want the deal," Alex said.

Of course, things couldn't be that easy. Cheryl didn't know about the plea deal and ended up accepting it before being sent to a men's prison. After a failed attempt by her attorney to get her transferred, Alex offered to pull the plea and let them take their chance at trial.

Alex wanted off the case, and despite her case to Branch that she was more sympathetic to Cheryl's struggle than a prosecutor needed to be, he convinced her she was the right person for the job. However, she made it clear to him that her time in SVU needed to end soon. SVU had finally taken the toll on her, and she didn't know if she could do it anymore, especially since she and the SVU detectives had different ideas about how a case should go. She usually gave it, but she was tired of the gray. She wanted something more black and white, at least for a while.

Alex did her job, and she did it without putting Cheryl's gender on trial. However, Cheryl was found guilty and sent back to Riker's to be housed with men.

"Want to get a drink? I'm about to leave," Olivia asked after the trial was over. Alex was working late in her office.

"Thanks, but I don't much feel like a drink," Alex said.

"I don't either, but I don't really feel like going home," Olivia said.

"Did I push her too hard?" Alex asked Olivia. Olivia sat down; she knew Alex needed to talk this through. She saw how much she had been struggling with this case.

"You did your job, Alex," Olivia said, sympathetically.

"Then why do I feel like crap?" Alex said.

"Because you look at Cheryl and can't imagine what it feels like to be uncomfortable in your own body," Olivia said. She gave Alex a comforting smile before her phone rang.

"We'll be right there," Olivia said before hanging up her phone. "I have to go to Bellevue, and you should go with me."

Cheryl had been beaten gang raped at Riker's, and Alex felt directly responsible. Olivia saw the look on Alex's face. The guilty. The pain. She hadn't seen that look on Alex's face over a case since Sam Cavanaugh went to the hospital. Of course, a lot of time had passed since then. Alex was stronger and more mature. Olivia hoped, this time, around, Alex could get past the guilty – after all, this time, she did everything the way she was supposed to do it.

Olivia took Alex home, made her some tea, and sat with her for hours on the couch while Alex talked and cried and expressed the guilt she was feeling.

"I can't do this anymore, Olivia," Alex said. "I told Branch that, too."

Olivia nodded. She knew Alex needed a break from SVU, be it temporary or permanent. She wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulders and pulled her into lay on her.

"Whatever happens, I'm here," Olivia said. "And no matter where you end up, we'll be okay."

"How do you do it, Olivia?" Alex asked. "You've been doing this longer than me. You see so much worse than I do, and you still go out there and do it."

"Someone has to do it," Olivia said with a sigh.

Alex looked up at Olivia and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Thank you," Alex said.

"For what?" Olivia said.

"For being here with me," Alex said. "I don't think I would have made it through this case without you."

"Always."


	36. Loss

A/N: Okay, timeline will move along quickly after this. Like I said, I'm going to take some creative license with the timeline and time jumps, but the next several chapters are outlined and will be important before something big happens.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 5.04 LOSS**

"Alex, you have to drop this," Olivia said. "Velez is killing everyone connected to this case, and I can't take the thought of losing you."

"Olivia, someone has to get justice for Livia Sandoval," Alex said. "It's my last SVU case, and I'm going to take myself off of it."

They had been having the same fight for two days. Olivia just couldn't understand what Alex was thinking. This wasn't her job. The Feds wanted the case and were more capable of handling it. But Alex wasn't backing down to anyone. Not the Feds. Not the DA's office. And certainly not Olivia.

"You don't have to die for this," Olivia said.

"I don't intend to," Alex said. "Besides, you put yourself in dangerous situations every single day."

"Yeah, but I've never been on the radar of one of the largest organized crime groups in the US," Olivia said. "Please, Alex, if not for yourself, do it for us."

"Or what?" Alex said.

"What do you mean, or what?" Olivia said. "Or you get to live, and I get to spend the rest of my life with you."

"You're overreacting," Alex said.

"Alex, even if I am overreacting, do you honestly thing the Feds would be overreacting if there wasn't a danger?" Olivia said.

"Yes, because they want the case from us," Alex said.

"Then give it to them!" Olivia said. "What are you trying to prove?"

"I'm not trying to prove anything, Olivia," Alex said. "You think I'm doing this for my career?"

"No, I didn't say that," Olivia said.

"You implied it," Alex said.

"No, I didn't," Olivia said.

"So you're telling me if it was you, that you would drop this case?" Alex said.

"Yes, if everyone around me was begging me and warning me," Olivia said.

"That's bullshit, and you know it," Alex said. "You and Elliot disregard warnings, begging, and direct orders on a weekly basis."

Olivia sighed. Alex was probably right.

"I'm not in the situation right now; you are," Olivia said. "So don't compare a hypothetical situation to this. Alex, I love you. I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Alex said. "Now, I'm tired of talking about this. Tomorrow is a fresh day. Maybe something good will happen, and it'll all go away."

#

"Alexandra, you are officially off this case," Branch said. "I'm handing it over to the Feds."

"You can't do that," Alex said.

"Actually, I can," Branch said. "Besides, you should be happy. You've been begging me for months to move you out of SVU. Well, consider it done. Instead of starting at White Collar in a couple of weeks, you can start next week. I want you to take the rest of the week off."

"Is this your final decision on Velez?" Alex said.

"I'm afraid so," Branch said. "Now, go home. Enjoy some time off. Enjoy some time with that detective of yours and move on, Alex."

#

Alex was home already when Olivia came in.

"I guess you're happy," Alex said, bitterness dripping from her tone.

"Alex, I didn't have anything to do with this. You know that," Olivia said. "I'm sorry."

"It just seems like nothing ever changes, nothing matters, no matter what we do," Alex said.

"Listen, you get to move on now," Olivia said. "It's what you've been wanting. And hopefully, you won't have as many crazy hours as SVU."

"But you still will," Alex said.

"I know, but at least one of us will be getting some sleep," Olivia smiled. "Come here."

She motioned for Alex to come in sit in her arms. Between this and the Cheryl Avery case last month, Alex had been under a lot of stress. Olivia had been doing her best to live up to her promise of being there, and for the most part, she was.

"My sister is coming over for dinner tomorrow," Alex said. "Branch gave me the rest of the week off before I start White Collar. I figured since I had some free time, I may as well make some effort with Becca."

"That's good," Olivia said. "I'll make sure I'm free or have someone cover for me unless you want sister time."

"No, nothing like that," Alex said. "She's bringing Jessica with her, too."

"Oh," Olivia said.

"What?" Alex said. "I thought she was a friend from high school."

"Yeah, about that," Olivia said. "There is something I need to tell you if she's going to be coming around."

Alex cocked her head around. "What is it?"

"You know a while back when you asked me who my first girl crush was?" Olivia said.

"Uh, yeah," Alex said. She still hadn't made the connection.

"And you remember how I told you I figured out I preferred women the summer after high school?" Olivia said.

"Wait, are you saying?" Alex started to ask.

"Jessica was my first crush," Olivia said. "And first kiss with a woman."

"What?!" Alex said. "But you were dating her brother."

"Yes, I know," Olivia said. "Listen, I was young, and she was this older girl, who was out as a lesbian and didn't care who knew. She intrigued me and I realized I found her attractive. She must have picked up on it because toward the end of the summer, she pulled me into her bedroom one day while James was doing something. And she kissed me."

"She kissed you? Her brother's girlfriend?" Alex said.

"I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner," Olivia said.

"Did you kiss her back?" Alex said.

"Uhhh, yeah, I did," Olivia said. "And I broke up with James the next day. I was too confused and freaked out because I realized at that moment that what I thought I had been feeling for her was real."

"I can't believe you didn't mention this," Alex said.

"Honestly, Alex, I thought about it after dinner that night when we met her," Olivia said. "But you were so angry about other things, I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. So, I just hoped that we wouldn't have to be around or see her."

"You really do have a type, don't you?" Alex said.

Olivia nodded. Jessica, much like her brother James, and like Alex, was a tall blonde.

"Ugh, now I wish I hadn't invited her," Alex said.

"Come on, Alex," Olivia said. "It's ancient history. Besides, she seems to be a good friend to your sister."

"Yeah, I guess so, but so help me, if she talks about seeing you naked again, I'm going to punch her," Alex said. "But thank you for telling me. I'm sure my sister will find out, if she hasn't already, and she has a big mouth. There is no way she'd be able to resist spilling that to me, just to piss me off."

#

Rebecca and Jessica showed up for dinner the following night right on time. Olivia greeted them while Alex finished up dinner. She was still annoyed about Branch making her drop the Velez case, but Olivia noticed she had started to relax already. She was hoping that her sister's presence didn't hinder that.

"Make yourself at home," Olivia said when they came in. "Dinner will be ready in few minutes. Alex is finishing up now."

Rebecca handed Olivia a bottled of wine, which Olivia took to the kitchen and opened, pouring the four of them a glass.

"You're going to go easy tonight, right?" Olivia whispered to Alex, handing her a glass.

"You afraid I'm going to kick Jessica's ass, detective?" Alex flirted.

"Actually, on second thought, drink up, because that would be kind of hot," Olivia teased, placing a kiss on Alex's neck. She left the kitchen and joined Rebecca and Jessica at the dinner table, handing them a glass of wine each.

Olivia finished setting the table and Alex soon came out with the lasagna, salad, and bread.

"Who knew my sister could be so domesticated?" Rebecca laughed. "It looks great, Alex."

"Thanks, Becca," Alex said. "How's the job going?"

"It's going well," Rebecca said. "I started working with a team for a major client just last week."

Alex smiled. She was truly happy to see Becca doing well and was starting to have a little bit of faith in her. Olivia was relieved that Alex seemed to be in a good mood around her sister, too.

"Alex is starting White Collar crimes next week," Olivia said.

"Next week?" Rebecca said. "I thought you had a couple of weeks."

"Oh, well, we had to drop a case we were working," Alex said. She shot a look to Olivia that meant she was not to say a word about what had gone down with the case.

"So you two won't be working together anymore?" Jessica asked.

"Nope," Alex said. "Which isn't a terrible thing. I mean, if you've ever worked with a partner, it's not the easiest thing to do."

"No kidding," Olivia laughed. "I think we're looking forward to it. That way at least our time together can be our time, and we won't be as tempted to spend it talking about work."

"Yeah, but you'll see each other a lot less," Jessica said. "I mean, with your SVU schedule, I can't imagine you have a lot of time together as it is."

"We make it work," Olivia said. "I'm going to grab dessert."

"I'll help," Rebecca offered. She got up and followed Olivia to the kitchen.

When they were gone, it left Alex and Jessica alone, something that didn't thrill Alex. She trusted Olivia, but she still couldn't help being jealous.

"Olivia has changed a lot since high school," Jessica said. "Well, in some ways."

"Yeah, I'd imagine she has," Alex said, curtly.

"She told you, didn't she?" Jessica said, immediately reading Alex's tone and body language.

"She did," Alex said. "We don't keep secrets."

"I just want you to know that I was surprised as she was to see her in my apartment," Jessica said. "Don't worry; you can trust me around your girlfriend."

"I don't need to trust you," Alex smirked. "I trust Olivia."

"Olivia, who cheated on her boyfriend with his sister?" Jessica said. She laughed implying it was a joke, but Alex knew she was trying to get a rise out of her.

"Like you said, she's changed a lot since high school," Alex said.

Olivia and Rebecca returned with dessert. Olivia could tell Alex had become uneasy and shot a look toward Jessica.

When Jessica and Rebecca left later, Olivia sent Alex to get ready for bed while she cleaned up the dishes. Alex cooked, so Olivia insisted on cleaning. When she finally crawled into bed with Alex, she placed a kiss on her cheek.

"That seemed to go well," Olivia said. "You and Becca seem to be getting along better."

"Yeah, it was nice," Alex said. "But I officially don't like Jessica."

Olivia smiled. "You know, I find it cute, and kind of hot, when you get jealous," she said. "But you know you don't have anything to worry about, right?"

"Oh, I know that," Alex said. "But, just in case, I should probably make you remember why I'm your favorite tall blonde."

"Well, you don't need to remind me, I know, but if you want to show me, I won't stop you," Olivia said with a grin, pulling Alex on top of her.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said. "I know it's been a rough month for you, but things are looking up. They can only get better, right?"

"Please don't jinx it," Alex laughed. "But I'd say right at this moment, things are looking way up." She leaned in and pressed her lips to Olivia before slipping her hand down between Olivia's legs. Jessica may have been Olivia's first kiss with a woman, but Alex was going to make sure she was her last one.


	37. Serendipity

A/N: The calm before the storm. Also, I didn't get a chance to re-watch this episode before I wrote it, so I just went with what I remembered and created in my mind.

I laughed at the comment about Olivia and the "skank." All I will say is, don't worry.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 5.05 SERENDIPITY**

It was Alex's first day at White Collar. Olivia had asked Cragen if she could be a little late that morning. She wanted to take Alex to work, see her new office and help her carry her personal items in. Olivia woke up early that morning and cooked breakfast for Alex. Bacon, eggs, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

Alex had been sad to leave SVU, but Olivia arranged for them to meet the squad the previous Friday to have a drink and say goodbyes to their favorite ADA. Everyone was sad to see her go, too, but happy that Olivia and Alex could finally move on to the next phase of their relationship.

When Alex arrived at her new office, she already had flowers on her desk. Olivia had arranged for an early morning delivery and asked Alex's new assistant, Maggie, to make sure they made them to her office.

"Wow, breakfast, a ride to work, and flowers?" Alex said. "I should have left SVU a long time ago."

"I'm just glad you're feeling better," Olivia said. "I know that dropping the Velez case was tough on you."

"Well, having a supportive girlfriend helps," Alex said. She looked around the office to make sure the door was closed and leaned in to give Olivia a chaste kiss. Even though they had disclosed, they were both careful not to flaunt the PDA around either of their offices. They especially didn't want to do it on Alex's first day in a new bureau.

"When is your new ADA coming?" Alex asked once they had finished setting up Alex's photos and few personal items around her office.

"Cragen said probably a couple of weeks before they get someone regular," Olivia said. "Which was the plan before Velez."

"Just make sure you don't like them more than you liked me," Alex teased.

"I don't think that is possible for any of us, especially me," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, but I have to get going. I'm already later than I planned to be."

"Dinner tonight?" Alex asked. "I imagine I'll be home at a reasonable hour and can cook for us."

"I can't wait," Olivia said. "I'll text you if something comes up."

Olivia arrived at the squad room just as Elliot was heading toward the elevator.

"It's about time," he said. "We have a crime scene and need to go."

When they arrived at the house, Olivia headed inside to see what CSU had found. While inside looking around, she heard a female voice behind her giving instruction to her and the CS techs. Elliot walked up right after that.

"Who the hell is this?" Olivia said, ignoring the woman and looking at Elliot.

"This is Casey Novak," Elliot said. "Our new ADA."

"Have we met?" Casey asked Elliot.

"Softball league," Elliot said. "I think we kicked the DA's office ass. I'm Elliot Stabler. This is my partner, Olivia Benson."

"Nice to meet you, Detective Benson," Casey said.

"Not to be rude, but isn't it a little early for you to be here?" Olivia asked.

"I like to be hands-on," Casey said. "Besides, I heard your last ADA let SVU push the boundaries too often. I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen."

Olivia clenched her jaw and gave a look to Elliot.

"Come on, Casey, why don't you take a look at what we have outside," Elliot said, directing her out of the house and more importantly, away from Olivia.

Despite catching a case, Olivia was able to make it home a decent hour. When she arrived, Alex had dinner ready and waiting for her.

"How was your first day?" Olivia asked when they sat down to eat.

"Compared to SVU, pretty boring," Alex said. "A lot of getting up to speed on current cases. One of their ADAs just transferred out, so I'm taking over her caseload."

"Let me guess, Casey Novak," Olivia said, rolling her eyes just from saying the name.

"Yeah, that's her," Alex said. "Is that who they sent SVU?"

"Yep," Olivia said.

"Yep? That's it? It can't' be that bad, right?" Alex said. "I mean, I've been going through her cases and files; it seems like she's good at her job."

"I'm sure she is," Olivia said. "She's just not you. She's a little more hands-on, and she's 'here to make sure that that SVU doesn't push the boundaries as much as our last ADA allowed us to push them'. Her words."

"She said that to you?" Alex said, shocked.

"Yeah, she said that," Olivia said.

"Well, obviously she doesn't know about us," Alex said. "Oh, God, you didn't say anything rude to her did you?"

"No, Elliot drug her out of our crime scene before I had a chance to say anything," Olivia said. "Apparently, he knows her from the softball league."

"Well, give her a chance," Alex said. "You guys weren't exactly receptive to me when I arrived either."

"Yeah, and you weren't exactly receptive to us, either," Olivia laughed.

"You guys were a pain in my ass," Alex said. "But that was before I fell for a certain brunette detective. After that, I was a pushover for you all."

"I hardly think anyone would ever describe Alex Cabot as a pushover," Olivia said.

"Anyway, I've heard good things about Novak," Alex said. "Just don't get as friendly with her as you got with me."

"Well, how am I ever going to win her over?" Olivia joked.

"I guess you'll just have to use your charming personality and not your hands," Alex said. She pushed her plate away. They were both finished with dinner. "I swear, I think this is the earliest we've had dinner in months."

"Yeah, it's pretty nice," Olivia said. "I could get used to it."

"So, for dessert, I have mint chocolate chip ice cream, or … ," Alex said, dragging the "or" our seductively.

"Or what?" Olivia said.

"We could skip the ice cream and have dessert in the bedroom," Alex said. Her words were burning with desire for Olivia. She reached over and put her hand on Olivia's knee and leaned forward.

"Hmm, that's a tough decision," Olivia said. "I mean, on one hand I really like mint chocolate chip ice cream."

"Shut up," Alex said. She got up and pulled Olivia with her and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. "You can have ice cream after, but right now, all I want is you."

Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's, kissing her so passionately, the two of them nearly stumbled as they held on to each other. Olivia picked Alex up and carried her to the unused part of the dining room table.

"I'd rather just have my dessert right here," Olivia growled, pushing Alex back, careful not to let her get near their dinner plates they hadn't put away yet.

Alex wrapped her legs around Olivia's waist and held on as Olivia laid her back and began kissing her neck.

"You know we have to eat on this table," Alex mumbled. "And so do our guests."

"We can stop having people over," Olivia said between assaulting Alex's neck and mouth with her lips. "Or I'll buy a new table. I mean unless you really want me to stop."

"Oh God, no," Alex said.

Olivia pushed her hands up under Alex's shirt and raised Alex up. Olivia pulled the shirt over Alex's head, tossing it aside, and then unhooked her bra. Alex laid back down as Olivia went back to work on her. She kissed Alex's lips. Then her ears. Down to the side of her neck, then the front. Alex was panting by this point. Finally, she took one of Alex's breasts in her mouth while her hand caressed the other. Alex's legs wrapped even more firmly around Olivia, pulling her closer to her center. Olivia pushed harder into her to create more friction.

Olivia then moved back slightly, causing Alex to whimper momentarily. She then started kissing down Alex's stomach, leaving her hands to caress and squeeze Alex's hard nipples. Alex's hands were running through Olivia's hair, tugging slightly. She felt her core getting warmer and wetter the closer Olivia got. When Olivia reached to unbutton Alex's pants, it sent a wave through her, her core throbbing.

Olivia lifted Alex up slightly to push her pants down. She then moved her mouth down to Alex's knees. It's not where Alex wanted her mouth, but she knew Olivia knew just how to touch her and when. Olivia slowly worked her lips up Alex's inner thighs, caressing Alex's stomach with her hands.

Olivia felt Alex trembling in her thighs and decided she needed to speed things up. She reached up and quickly pulled Alex's panties down, nearly ripping them on the way down, and eliciting a gasp from Alex. She gently rubbed her fingers around Alex's core, making sure she was ready for more contact.

"God, you're so wet," Olivia said.

"Can you blame me?" Alex said. "I mean, we're about to screw on our dining room table."

Olivia smiled. It was hot, and one of the few places in their apartment that had never had sex. She finally plunged two fingers inside of Alex, thrusting gently at first, and watching the look on Alex's face when she finally got the contact she so desperately needed.

Olivia kept going at a steady pace until she felt Alex tighten up against her fingers. She then leaned down and began to lick around Alex's pussy, and gently grazing her clit only every now and then.

"More, Olivia, please," Alex gasped. "Please, I need your tongue."

Olivia plunged in, keeping her fingers thrusting inside Alex, just at a faster pace. She began to give Alex the direct contact she needed on her clit, circling it and alternating the pressure from her tongue.

Olivia kept going, picking up the pace even faster as the moans from Alex increased in volume. Alex's hips began to buckle, and Olivia knew she was close. She inserted a third finger and went all in on Alex's clit, giving direct hard stimulation with her tongue, lick and sucking, until she felt (and heard) Alex explode.

"Liv! Liv! Liv! OOOLIVIA!" Alex screamed, as she grasped the sides of the table and began to jerk her hips up.

Even after her orgasm, Alex kept trembling in after waves. Olivia gently brought her down before removing contact from her. She used her mouth to lick Alex clean and kissed her at her core on more time before pulled Alex up to where she was standing now, still between Alex's legs.

"Liv, that was, uh, wow," Alex said. "Amazing."

"You liked it, huh?" Olivia smiled.

"We definitely need to have dessert in the dining room more often," Alex said.

"Can I have my ice cream now?" Olivia teased.

"Not a chance," Alex said. "I have something even sweeter in mind for you."

Alex got up from the table, still naked, and pulled Olivia into the bedroom, both with a matching goofy smiles on their face.


	38. Poison

A/N: Yes, I know I'm cranking these out quickly. I did quite a bit of writing and outlining the next few chapters on the plane yesterday. You can probably expect at least one more chapter today, if not more. I'm just as anxious as you are for what is coming. Thanks for the reviews and reading. I love hearing what you like and don't like.

Next chapter will be big, and include the return of Alex's sister and Jessica (or the Skank, as one of you lovingly referred to her).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 5.24 POISON**

It had been nearly seven months since Alex left SVU. She was more than settled into the role at White Collar, even if she found the work boring compared to SVU. She appreciated the less grueling hours, though she spent less time in the courtroom and more time making deals to Wall Street hotshots than she preferred.

The first few months were blissful with Olivia. She had more time to spend at home, and Olivia had been making every effort to take advantage of that, working less when she could and spending the time with Alex.

That was until a few months ago. Alex couldn't remember exactly when, but slowly Olivia slipped back into her old workaholic habits. At first, Alex didn't notice or even mind. She tried to remember what it was like when they both had the crazy schedules. However, the more time she spent at home - alone - the more frustrated she became, and the more she forgot just how busy the SVU squad was. Her white collar detectives certainly didn't work that hard.

Olivia hadn't noticed either. She had done what she had always done - pursued a case until she got justice. She expected that Alex understood.

Of course, Alex's schedule wasn't anything to bat an eye. Working white collars meant a lot more business dinners or evenings at events. Liz had also been pressuring her to push her career forward. That meant more schmoozing that Alex liked to do.

"I can't believe Casey went after Judge Taft like that," Olivia said after they had finished up a trial where a mother had attempted to kill her child by poison, only to later murder the child after being acquitted of attempted murder by Taft.

"Yeah, that was ballsy," Alex commented. She was glad to see someone so passionate in SVU, but it did make her a little jealous now that Olivia and Elliot had formed a bond with Casey. Especially after she listened to Olivia bitch about Casey the first several months she was on the job.

Of course, the fact that they spent extra time on this case for Casey, investigating an old case on their free time - as if they had any - did annoy Alex a little. She understood it, but when it meant she didn't see her girlfriend for two weeks, including weekends, it was hard not to be upset and a little jealous. Not of Casey, but of Olivia's job and how much it took away from them.

"Maybe we can go away this weekend. You're not on-call, right?" Alex suggested. They desperately need time away to spend with each other.

"Oh, I can't Alex," Olivia said. "I promised Casey that I would go over testimony on Saturday because the week has been and is going to be crazy busy. Then Sunday we're supposed to go to Elliot's for a BBQ."

Alex sighed. _Casey. Casey. Casey._ She missed the days when Olivia was _her_ detective and would do special favors for her, even when they weren't convenient.

"I didn't know anything about going to Elliot's," Alex said. "You didn't mention it."

"Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you," Olivia said. "They just invited the SVU squad over. He said he hoped you could make it."

"Okay," Alex said. "What about next weekend?"

"What?" Olivia said. "No, the BBQ is this weekend."

"No, I mean, what if we go away next weekend," Alex said. "Just the two of us. No phones. No work. Just you and me."

"Alex, you know I can't go without my phone, even if I'm off," Olivia said. "Which, I'm not. El and I are catching next weekend."

"Well, switch with Munch or Fin," Alex said, exasperated. "You're constantly switching for them."

"Alex, work is just really busy right now. You know how it is," Olivia said. "What about next month?"

Alex did know how it was, but she had forgotten.

"Okay, next month," Alex said. "And I'm going to hold you to that."

Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex. "I know you will," Olivia said. "And I'm looking forward to it. Anywhere you want to go."

#

Sunday afternoon everyone from SVU showed up for Elliott's BBQ, including Casey. Alex had talked to Casey a number of times, but always professionally. They often spoke in the beginning about their pending cases, seeing as how they basically swapped jobs. Socially, they didn't have much of an opportunity to see each other. Casey would go out for a drink with the SVU squad, but with her transfer, Alex began to get left out of the post-trial celebratory drinks. Instead, she'd wait at home for Olivia or call her sister up for dinner. That relationship, while not completely healed or repaired, was doing better.

"Alex," Casey said when she saw Olivia and Alex come in. "It's good to see you. You know, away from the DA's office."

Alex smiled. "You, too," Alex said politely. It wasn't that she didn't like Casey. She did, and she liked hearing how much more involved and passionate Casey was becoming in the SVU cases. But it was hard watching someone step in and take over your job, a job that you had given so much of yourself to in the past.

"I have to ask, was Olivia and Elliot as difficult with you at first as they were for me?" Casey said. She was laughing, but she wasn't joking.

The comment made Alex laugh.

"You have no idea," Alex said. "Especially this one." She turned and gave a head nod toward Olivia.

"Oh, I've heard about some of your fights," Casey said. "In fact, I heard about those before I even knew about the two of you, but when I did find out, it all made sense. I mean, the epic fights, and then you requesting a transfer from a job that you were damn good at."

"I'd say some of the detectives may be a little biased," Alex replied, smiling at Olivia.

"Who, me?" Olivia said. "Maybe just a little. Hey, I'm going to head outside to talk to Elliot. I wanted to talk to him about the case we caught Friday."

Alex nodded, and Olivia left to go talk to Elliot.

"Those two never stop working, do they?" Casey asked.

"Nope," Alex replied.

"It must have been a culture shock to you, moving to white collar," Casey said. "I mean, I know you put in a ton of hours over there, but they usually don't involve the middle of the night phone calls like SVU. I know I wasn't prepared for that."

"Yeah, it's been a change for me," Alex said. "But I'm starting to get used to it."

"It must be hard though, with the weird hours Olivia puts in," Casey said. "I'm sure it wasn't easy when you were in SVU, but at least you both had a reason to be up."

"You know, at first, I thought it would be easier," Alex said. "I mean, that one of us would get to sleep through the night without worrying about a phone call. Of course, that doesn't happen because every time her phone goes off, or she's awake tossing and turning, or coming home in the middle of the night, it wakes me up."

"Being on that side of it must be tough," Casey said.

Alex just nodded. It was tough, but she knew why Olivia did it. It was part of the reason she loved her. She just didn't expect it to be so hard.

Shortly after everyone had a chance to eat, Alex watched as Cragen answered his phone and disappeared. He came back with a familiar look on his face. Alex knew that look. She even missed that look sometimes.

Cragen went over and began to talk to Elliot and Olivia, who were standing next to Kathy as they put the food away. Alex also knew the look on Elliot's face as he looked at Kathy. The disappointed, _I'm sorry, babe, but I have to go_ , look. Alex knew it well. Within a few seconds, Alex got the same look from Olivia, who found her and made eye contact.

Alex just nodded and sighed. When she left Elliot's place a little while later, she went home.

Alone, again.

* * *

A/N: Before you ask, this is **not** a Casey/Olivia story, nor will it be. So, save the hate mail :-)


	39. DNA - Part 1

A/N: Here we go...

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DNA - PART 1**

Olivia and Elliot left the BBQ with Fin and Munch following. They were all headed back to Manhattan. Even though Munch and Fin were on-call, two crime scenes meant two sets of detectives.

Two different men attacked and raped on the same night. When Olivia and Elliot arrived at the scene, a random alley in the city, saw M.E. Melinda Warner was already working on processing the body.

"What do we have?" Olivia asked.

"John Doe. Mid to late 30s, probably. Beaten and raped," Melinda said. "I'll know more when I can do a full examination."

"Anything on him that can help us identify him?" Elliot asked.

"Not that CSU or I could find," Melinda said. Olivia and Elliot looked around. CSU was currently combing the scene, but so far had turned up nothing to ID the man.

"Okay, well, I guess we'll find out what Munch and Fin have on their victim," Olivia said. "Two men raped, beaten, and dumped the same night a few blocks from each other? That can't be a coincidence."

Olivia and Elliot headed back to the squad room. It was going to be another late night. Once they sat down before comparing notes with Fin and Munch, Elliot pulled out his cell phone.

Olivia looked up at him.

"I'm calling Kathy to tell her it'll be a late night," he said. "You better call Alex."

Olivia nodded and did as he said.

"Hey," Olivia said. "We have two body dumps tonight. I probably won't be home until late, if at all."

"Fine," Alex sighed.

"What is it?" Olivia said.

"Nothing," Alex said. "Just, I'll see you whenever."

"Alex, don't be like that," Olivia said. "You know what my job is."

"I know," Alex said. "Just be careful and call me tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too," Olivia said.

By the following afternoon, they were no closer to an ID on their John Doe and couldn't find any connection between Munch and Fin's victim to a possible attacker or the John Doe.

"Go home," Cragen said, coming out of his office. "I know most of you haven't slept all night. Get some rest and we'll start fresh tomorrow."

Olivia texted Alex and told her she would be home for dinner. Her and Elliot got up to head home. When they reached the elevator, Olivia's cell phone rang.

"Benson."

"Liv, it's Melinda. Can you can Elliot stop down at my lab? I may have something to help you ID your John Doe."

"Yeah, we'll be right there," Olivia said and then hung up before turning to Elliot. "Melinda has something."

On the way to the lab, she texted Alex again, telling her they got a new lead and would be working late again. She wouldn't be home for dinner. Alex was disappointed but not surprised.

Olivia and Elliot met Melinda in the lab.

"What did you find?" Elliot asked.

"While you were looking for an ID, I ran your vic's DNA in case it matched anyone in the system," Melinda said.

"Did it?" Olivia said.

"Only a familial match. Probably a half-sibling," Melinda said. She walked to the computer and began to hit some buttons.

"Who's the match?" Elliot said.

Melinda hit one last button and watched as a mugshot came up on the screen.

"A Rebecca Cabot," Melinda said and looked at Olivia. "Any relation?"

Olivia's mouth dropped open as she looked at Elliot.

"Yeah, that's Alex's sister," she said.

"Why is her DNA in the system?" Elliot asked.

"She had a DUI felony conviction a few years ago," Olivia said. "And since DNA of all felons is taken..."

"That's where we got our match," Melinda said. "Well, you have some place to start because, trust me, John Doe, is her half-brother."

Elliot glanced over at Olivia. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I guess we start with the only lead we have," Olivia said. "Rebecca."

"Not Alex?" Elliot asked.

"Not yet," Olivia said. "I'm pretty sure she has no idea about this."

"And Rebecca does?" Elliot said.

"Maybe," Olivia said. "She's older and has had a pretty contentious relationship with the family, especially her father."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Elliot asked.

"No, I'll do this alone," Olivia said. "I'll head there now. I'll see you tomorrow."

Olivia paced in the hallway outside of Rebecca's apartment before knocking. This was not a conversation she was looking forward to having, but she was hoping Rebecca could shed some light on their victim.

"Olivia, what a surprise," Jessica said as she opened the door and invited Olivia in. "Come in."

"Is Rebecca here?" Olivia asked.

"No, she went to dinner with a friend," Jessica said. "Can I help you with anything? A glass of wine? You look like hell."

"No, I'll come back," Olivia said and started to leave.

"Wait, sit down," Jessica said. "She should be back soon. Just sit, I won't bite you."

Olivia thought about her options. She didn't want to be alone with Jessica. Not because she minded her company, but because Alex had made it clear she didn't like her. On the other hand, she did want to get this conversation over and didn't really want to have to come back tomorrow.

"Okay, I'll wait for a few minutes," Olivia said, taking a seat on the couch. Jessica went to the kitchen and poured them both a large glass of wine, then curling up on the opposite end of the couch from Olivia.

"So, what do you need Becca for?" Jessica asked. "Is everything okay with Alex?"

"Yeah, Alex is fine," Olivia said. "It's work related. Well, nothing that Rebecca is involved in, but she may know one of my victims." Olivia was nervous, and it showed.

"Relax a bit," Jessica said. "Drink you wine. It'll help." Olivia nodded and took a sip. She did need to relax and knew it.

After about 20 minutes of small talk, Olivia had almost finished her wine and was about to tell Jessica she needed to leave when she heard the front door unlock.

Rebecca walked in. Olivia started to get up when she looked behind Rebecca. Alex was there, too.

"Alex?" Olivia said.

Rebecca looked around the room between Olivia, Jessica, and Alex.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked.

"What am I doing here?" Alex snapped. "I was having dinner with my sister when you canceled because you had to _work late_."

Olivia looked around, suddenly realizing what it looked like.

"Alex, it's not what you think," Olivia said, sitting her glass of wine down and going to catch Alex at the door who was turning to leave.

"Wait," Olivia said, reaching and grabbing Alex's arm. Alex jerked her arm away.

"Don't touch me," Alex growled, fire in her eyes as she stared at Olivia.

"Alex, I was here to talk to your sister," Olivia said. "Jessica told me she would be home soon, so I waited. She didn't tell me Rebecca was with you." Olivia glanced back over and gave a cold stare to Jessica. She knew Jessica had set her up to get caught there.

"What could you possibly have to talk to my sister about, Olivia?" Alex said.

Olivia, realizing she wasn't ready to tell Alex yet, stumbled with her words.

"It's just, I, it's work related," Olivia said.

"Really?" Alex said, now focusing on Rebecca. "What has my wonderful sister done now?"

"I haven't done anything!" Rebecca said, defensively.

"No, it's not that," Olivia said. "Rebecca hasn't done anything. I just need to ask her a question. I, uh, can't really talk about it right now."

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Alex said. "I'm going home. And don't worry, I won't wait up."

Alex stormed away, leaving Olivia there with Rebecca and Jessica.

"Fuck," Olivia said. Rebecca moved to shut the door.

"What the hell is going on?" Rebecca demanded.

Olivia ignored the question, focusing her anger on Jessica now.

"You knew she was at dinner with Alex and that she would show up while I was here," Olivia snapped.

"I didn't think it was a big deal," Jessica said. "I mean, after all, Alex trusts you, doesn't she?" Jessica smirked at Olivia.

Olivia turned back to Rebecca. "Can we talk somewhere in private?"

Rebecca gave a look to her roommate. She obviously wasn't pleased with Jessica, either.

"Sure, let's go for a walk," Rebecca said.

They walked downstairs and to a nearby park before taking a seat on a bench.

Olivia told Rebecca about the DNA match and about the suggestion that it was a half-sibling.

"He's dead?" Rebecca asked.

"Do you know him or about this?" Olivia asked.

"His name is Eric Nash," she said. "My father had an affair at some point between my brother Adam and Alex. Apparently he ended it when Mom told him she was pregnant with Alex. But I found out a long time ago. Dad knew that I knew. It was one of the reasons we didn't get along because I was pretty angry with him. Dad basically paid off Eric's mom and promised to provide financial support to Eric through college."

"Does Alex know?" Olivia asked.

"No," Rebecca said. "I don't think Adam does either."

"Your mom?" Olivia asked.

"She knew about the affair, but I could never bring myself to ask her if she knew about Eric," Rebecca said.

"How did you find out?" Olivia asked.

"I heard him years later on the phone with Eric's mom," Rebecca asked. "They were arguing about something. Of course, being the brat I was as a teenager, I couldn't wait to tell him what I knew and throw it in his face."

"Did you ever meet Eric? Did he know about your father?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, to both," Rebecca said. "I mean, Dad knew I knew about Eric, but he didn't know I looked him up several years ago. Eric for the most part was raised by his mother and a step-father who she married several years after he was born. He had a good life and wasn't concerned with getting to know my father, though I think they met a few times when Eric was younger."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "About all of this, and about Eric."

"You can't tell Alex," Rebecca said.

"Becca, I can't keep something like this from her," Olivia said.

"Please, you know as well as I do that it will crush her," Rebecca pleaded. "I know her and dad had some problems before he died, but she idolized him."

Olivia was quiet. She knew it would devastate Alex. She saw how hard her father's death had been on Alex. She didn't know how Alex would react to something like this.

"Please, just think about it," Rebecca said. "Let me call my mom tomorrow and see what she knows. Give me that much at least. If you decide to tell Alex, I'll do it with you."

Olivia nodded and said goodbye. She walked all the way home, thinking about what she was going to do, and also, about how pissed off Alex was at her right now.

Waiting a day or two to talk to Alex about it shouldn't be too hard, after all, Alex probably wasn't going to be talking to her for a couple of days.

When Olivia finally arrived home, she found the bedroom door locked - the first time Alex had ever done that. Olivia grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch.


	40. DNA - Part 2

A/N: Fast-paced for the next few chapters. I'll have another up tonight. This one, and the next few will be an emotional rollercoaster.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DNA - PART 2**

The following morning Olivia woke up to loud noises coming out of the kitchen. Alex was awake and still pissed. Normally, in the mornings, she was quiet, letting Liv sleep. But when she was pissed, she slammed every cabinet and door in their small apartment. This morning was worse than normal, perhaps because Olivia had barely slept all night.

Olivia got up, still in her clothes from the night before. She walked into the kitchen where Alex was standing in front of the coffee maker, waiting for it to finish.

She moved in behind Alex and gently put her hands on her shoulders. Alex shrugged her off, not even turning around look at her. Olivia took the hint and backed up. The coffee was done, and Alex poured her mug, not bothered to ask if Olivia wanted any before going back to the bedroom.

Olivia followed.

"Alex, can we talk about last night?" Olivia whispered.

"I have an early meeting and need to leave soon," Alex said.

"What about tonight?" Olivia said.

"Tonight?" Alex laughed. "Yeah, well, why don't we see if you bother to make it home tonight or not, before we make any plans." She continued to the bathroom finish getting ready.

"Alex, I'll ask for personal time today," Olivia said. "Just talk to me."

"Why don't you go talk to your whore girlfriend instead?" Alex snapped and slammed the bathroom door in Olivia's face before Olivia pushed it back, stopping it from closing and taking Alex by surprise.

"There was nothing going on between Jessica and me," Olivia said. "What happened to you trusting me?"

"What happened?" Alex said. "How about you going back to your old habits of putting everything else before me? I mean, we were supposed to have dinner then all of a sudden you have to _work late_. Then I find you sharing a glass of wine on a couch with that skank when you were supposed to be _working._ How many nights when you've been working late, have you spent out with _her_?"

"None," Olivia said, slowly and defiantly. "I told you, I was there to see your sister."

"Oh, that's right, but you can't tell me what you needed to talk to her about," Alex said. "What happened to you not getting involved in my family business?"

"It was work," Olivia said.

"Yeah, well, I have to go to to work now, so please move out of my way," Alex said. The two of them stared intently at each other for a moment before Olivia finally moved. She needed to go to work, too, and let Elliot know they at least had a name for their John Doe.

When Alex was gone, Olivia sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands. "Fuck."

When Olivia got to work, she filled Elliot in on her conversation with Rebecca, leaving out the fight with Alex. They went to Nash's apartment to look for evidence while Fin and Munch went to make a notification to his mother and step-father.

"What did you find on Nash?" Cragen asked with Olivia and Elliot got back.

"It looks like he had a date last night with someone named Erica," Elliot said. "According to his planner, anyway. We have a phone number, so we're about to try calling it."

"What's the phone number?" Fin asked.

"212-555-1212," Olivia said. "Why?"

"Our guy had a phone number written on his calendar," Munch said. "No name, but it's the same phone number."

"And we don't have any other connection between Roberts and Nash?" Cragen asked.

"Not that we know of," Elliot said.

"Have TARU run that number before you call it," Cragen said. "Maybe it's a dating service or scammer."

After lunch, Olivia and Elliot were waiting on the information on the number so they could get a warrant from Casey.

"Listen, Rebecca asked I not mention this to Alex right now," Olivia said. "At this point, no one else needs to know this guy is Alex's half-brother since it's not relevant to our case."

Once the info was back and they had a name for the phone number, Olivia and Elliot went to Casey's office.

"Oh, I was just was about to call you two," Casey said.

"We need a warrant," Elliot said. "We traced a phone number back to both victims."

"That's great, and you can have your warrant, but do either of you care to explain why Trevor Langan was just in my office requesting we keep any personal information discovered about Mr. Nash confidential?" Casey asked.

"What did he tell you?" Olivia said.

"Not much, other than the fact that he would come after SVU if that happened," Casey said. "He came on behalf of Nash's mother."

Olivia and Elliot shared a look.

"Tell me," Casey said. "If you don't tell me, I can't protect you from whatever Trevor plans to do."

Olivia took a deep breath and sat down as Elliot closed Casey's office door. She told her the story of the DNA being a match to Alex's half-brother and how they found out.

"You can't tell her," Casey said. "I'm sorry, but Trevor is right, and you know he will try to destroy you if you do."

"How can he do this?" Olivia said. "He's a family friend. He handled Alex's father's estate."

"That's probably why he is doing it," Casey said. "He's probably protecting Alex's father, even in death. And whatever arrangement was set up between Mr. Cabot and Nash's mother probably included some sort of agreement not tell anyone to keep financial support."

"Alex has a half-brother she didn't even know about!" Olivia said. "How can I not tell her that?"

"Had," Casey said calmly. "She had a half-brother. He's dead, and there is nothing good that can come from this. Listen, I'm sorry, I understand you're in a tough position."

"And if she finds out?" Olivia asked.

"Well, we better make sure she doesn't," Casey said.

They left Casey's office and headed back to the squad room. Casey promised to call when she had their warrants.

"Liv, why don't you go home?" Elliot said. "You look like shit, and I can tell you didn't sleep last night or the night before."

"And what, El?" Olivia said. "Sit there and pretend like everything is fine? Alex is already pissed off at me because of Becca's roommate. I can't go home and lie to her."

Elliot gave her a confused look. She waved him off.

"Let's go for a drink," he said. "Well, you can have a drink while I wait on Casey to call. You can fill me in on what happened with Alex last night. I'll take Fin with me to serve the warrant."

An hour and a half later, she was home after filling Elliot in on the fight with Alex and the history with Jessica. She sounds like bad news, Elliot had said. _Yep, a pain in my ass. Again._

She laid down on the couch for a quick nap before getting up to cook dinner. At the very least, she could have dinner ready for Alex when she got home. If she was coming home. Olivia realized she had no idea since she hadn't talked to Alex all day. She sent a text, but it went unanswered, as did her phone call. She went ahead and prepared dinner, taking a chance that Alex would come home at normal time.

Sure, enough, by 6:30 pm, she heard the key turn in the lock. Her heart stopped as she waited on Alex to come through the door.

"Your home," Alex said, surprised when she saw Olivia in the kitchen.

"I, uh, haven't slept in a couple of days, so Cragen sent me home early," Olivia said. She kept her distance, remembering the way Alex shrugged her off this morning. "I thought we could have dinner and talk. But only if you want."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Alex said. "There's something we need to talk about, but let me get changed first."

"Okay, dinner will be ready when you come out," Olivia said. She didn't know what Alex wanted to talk about. Surely she didn't know about her half-brother. Not yet, anyway. _Oh, God, what if she's breaking up with me?_

Olivia made their plates and had them on the table when Alex came back. They sat in silence eating for a few minutes. Olivia glanced down at the far end of the table, remembering their love-making session on it when Alex first started White Collar. They were so hopeful that things would be easier for them, that their future was just right around the corner. And now, here they were. Probably in one of the worst place they had ever been, and Olivia with this big secret hanging over her head.

"So, you wanted to talk about something?" Olivia finally got up the courage to ask.

"Liv, I've been offered an opportunity," Alex said.

"That's great, Al," Olivia said. "What is it?"

"It's in appeals," Alex said. "In Albany."

"What? Albany?" Olivia said. "I don't understand. I thought you liked the DA's office."

"I do," Alex said. "It's a training opportunity. It would only be six months."

"Oh," Olivia said. "Um, when would it start?"

"In about a month," Alex said.

"Are you doing to do it?" Olivia said.

"I don't know," Alex said. "I mean, it's a good opportunity, but I don't necessary need it. It can't hurt, though. Liz is pushing for it."

 _Liz, the thorn in my side when it comes to this relationship,_ Olivia thought.

"Oh," Olivia said. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. She wanted to be supportive, but the thought of losing Alex, even if just for six months, was scary to her. Especially given that their relationship was hanging on by a thread right now.

"I mean, a break for a while may be good for us," Alex said slowly.

"A break?" Olivia said. "You want to break up?"

"No, I didn't say that, Olivia," Alex said. "But things haven't been great between us for a few months. Maybe it will help us figure out what we want."

"I know what I want," Olivia said. "Is this about last night? I swear to you, Alex, nothing happened with Jessica. Nothing ever would. I love you. Look, I was just there because we found out that your sister may have known one of our victims from the body dumps the other night."

"I know," Alex said. "She called today and told me. She made a very impassioned plea on your behalf. She likes you a lot. She also told me she's looking for a new place to live."

"Thank, God," Olivia said. "What did Becca tell you exactly?"

"She just said that you ran across her name and that she may be connected to the victim," Alex said. "That you just wanted to see if you could get more information."

"So you're not angry about that anymore?" Olivia said.

"Not that, not really. I'm just hurt that I feel like I can't trust you," Alex said. "But our relationship is suffering because you constantly put your job before me. I mean, I know it's different for us now, but I can't come second to you anymore Olivia. Not if we're going to move forward in our relationship. I have to know I'm the most important thing in your life, as you are in mine."

"You are, Alex," Olivia said. "God, you are, so much."

Alex sighed. "That still leaves us with Albany," she said. "And I'm sorry, but I need more time to think about it."

Olivia nodded. She knew she didn't have any ground to stand on to ask Alex not to go, not after the way she had been the last few months.

Alex retired to the living room, turning on the tv while Olivia finished up the dishes. When she was done, she went to the bedroom to put her pajamas on.

Her cell phone began to ring. _Please, not another case. Alex will kill me._

"Benson," she said, not looking to see who it was, as usual.

"Olivia, it's Caroline," Alex's mother said. "I need to talk to you, dear."

 _To Be Continued... (later tonight, I promise, but I have to leave right now)_


	41. DNA - Part 3

A/N: Two more chapters after this until this all comes to a head. Curious to know what you think of Olivia's decision when you get to the end of this chapter (even if you can guess what's coming).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DNA - PART 3**

" _Olivia, it's Caroline," Alex's mother said. "I need to talk to you, dear."_

"Caroline, sure," Olivia said. She had a pretty good idea why Caroline was calling. "What can I do for you?"

"Can you have breakfast with me tomorrow?" she asked. "We can do it early because I know you have to be at work. I'll be in the city for the day."

"Yeah, I can do that," Olivia said. "Should I invite Alex?"

"No," Caroline said. "In fact, I'd like to keep this visit just between the two of us, if possible."

"Okay, Caroline," Olivia said.

They made plans for an early breakfast and arranged a time and place to meet. Olivia was getting tired of people asking her to keep things from Alex, though, even if it was her family.

The next morning, Olivia woke well before Alex. Before her phone call, she had planned to have breakfast with Alex, just to spend anytime she could connecting with her. She knew she was going to have to fight for her. Of course, she couldn't tell Caroline no, so she ran out extra early for bagels and left them on the counter for Alex with a note telling her she loved her and hoped they could have dinner and talk more that evening.

She put the note and bagels on the counter and gave Alex a goodbye kiss, who was still mostly asleep.

Olivia met Caroline at a nearby breakfast diner, someplace they could have privacy and get in and out of quickly so Olivia could make it to work on time.

"I'll get straight to the point, Olivia, as I know you have to get to work," Caroline started after they greeted each other. "I have reason to believe you have stumbled on one of our dreaded family secrets."

Olivia looked at her, unsure what to say, and if she should say anything, remembering Trevor's warning.

"It's okay, sweetie, I called Trevor yesterday," she said. "I know you know about Eric being John's son."

"You knew?" Olivia said.

"You'll find there is very little I don't know about my family," Caroline said. "Rebecca called asking questions. She didn't say why, but I had heard of Eric's death through mutual friends of his mother. I've always known Becca knew. After her phone call, I called Trevor who took over the arrangements John made with Eric's mother after Trevor's father passed away."

"Trevor came to see our ADA yesterday," Olivia said. "We're forbidden from talking about it or telling anyone anything about Eric's connection to your family."

"That's good," Caroline said. "Trevor did his job. Listen, I've never talked to Eric's mother, but I do know that she and John had an amicable relationship eventually. She wanted nothing to do with having John be involved. He's actually the one that insisted on the financial arrangement."

"And you were okay with that?" Olivia asked.

"Of course, not dear," Caroline said. "I mean, not the affair of course. I planned to leave him until I found out I was pregnant with Alex. But John having to pay for his indiscretion? Yes, I was more than okay with that. He owed their child that much."

"Rebecca didn't think you knew about Eric," Olivia said. "She apparently talked to him on occasion."

"My children think I don't know a lot of things that I do know," Caroline said. "But in this instance, I'd prefer none of them know that I know about Eric, especially Alex."

"Caroline," Olivia said, almost pleading.

"Listen, Olivia, I understand your position," Caroline said. "But I would do anything to protect my children, as I have for nearly 40 years. I'd prefer if Becca didn't know I knew about Eric, and I'd prefer Alex and Adam never know about Eric."

Caroline could see the torn look on Olivia's face.

"I know you love Alex, but I just ask that you let me handle this the way I want to handle it, the way John wanted to handle it," Caroline said. "And trust me, whether I want him to or not, if Alex finds out, Trevor will make sure the NYPD has hell to pay. His father was fiercely protective of John, and Trevor has continued that. It would not only crush Alex, but it would hurt Eric's family as well. We've had enough pain over this indiscretion, and Eric's mother has enough to deal with right now than to also have to deal with something that happened decades ago."

"Nothing good can come of sharing this," Caroline continued. "It's of no consequence now. I know you don't agree, probably, and you think I'm old-fashioned, but I'm doing this to protect my family."

"Whatever you decide, Olivia, I won't hold against you," Caroline said. "Even if that means you need to tell her. But, please, for Alex's sake, think about keeping this secret for me. For her."

Olivia nodded and smiled slightly. She still didn't know what to say. It wasn't her secret to tell, but if Alex ever found out she knew. Well, Olivia didn't want to think about that possibility. She did know that Caroline made a good case for why she shouldn't. She didn't want to disappoint Alex's mother and cause problems for Alex or her family.

###

Meanwhile, Alex woke up to the note and bagels. It brought a smile to her face, even if she was still confused and torn about their relationship. She figured Olivia must have gone to work early, so she decided to stop by the squad room on her way to work to thank her, and make plans for their evening.

"Hey, where's Liv?" Alex said when she got there, seeing Olivia's desk empty.

"She's not in yet," Munch said. "She usually gets here around 7:45 or so."

It was still just about 7:15, but Olivia had left the apartment around 6 am.

"Oh, she was gone when I got up," Alex said. "I just assumed she was here. I'll catch her later. Oh, don't mention me stopping by."

Alex left, once again confused as to where Olivia was if she wasn't working. She didn't like it when Olivia kept secrets from her, even if she didn't explicitly say she had to work early.

###

By the end of the day, a suspect had been brought in for Eric's murder. They were able to connect the phone number to a guy that hung out at a local coffee shop both Eric and the other victim frequented. Both men had a recent altercation with the man, who had a habit of harassing the baristas and other female customers. Their suspect, Jack, was an odd man, but it was obvious from the start he was a man who liked to assert his power over others.

All they needed was either corroborating evidence to the altercations or something else that connected him to the victims in order to have enough for a DNA swab. They were certain that was all they needed to put him away.

Olivia went home, once again, at a reasonable hour. She had paperwork to catch up on, but she figured once they nailed Jack, she'd have time to get it done. Being at home and talking to Alex was more important.

She had spent much of the day considering Caroline's request. By the time she got home, she had decided to do as she was asked: she would keep the secret from Alex and do her best to make sure she never found out.

Alex had just gotten home when Olivia arrived.

"Hey, I was just about to order dinner," Alex said. "Chinese or Italian?"

"Chinese," Olivia said, making her way back to the bedroom to change out of her work clothes.

When she came back in, Alex was sitting on the couch.

"You left early this morning," Alex said. "Thank you for the bagels and the note, by the way."

"You're welcome," Olivia said. "I, uh, just had some work to catch up on."

"That's funny," Alex said. "Because when I stopped by on my way to work to thank you, Munch said you hadn't been there yet."

 _Shit._

"Is there something you want to tell me, Olivia?" Alex said. "Because for the life of me, I don't know whether I can trust you or not."

"Okay, I went to breakfast," Olivia said. "I just had some things to think about, and I just thought I should take some time to do that."

It was mostly true. She did have things to think about. She just didn't mention those things she was thinking about involved a conversation with Alex's mother.

"And? What did you figure out?" Alex said.

"I don't want you to go to Albany," Olivia said. "I mean, at least not right now."

"Why should I stay?" Alex said, flatly.

"Because I love you, and I want to prove that to you." Olivia said. She knew she was closer than she had ever been to losing Alex, and that was not what she wanted. No, she wanted to spend her life with Alex, and Alex needed to know that and believe it.

"You think you get to show up for dinner two nights in a row and bring me breakfast, and all is forgiven?" Alex said.

"No, I know it's not," Olivia said. "Which is why I want you to stay. I want to earn your forgiveness. I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too, Liv, and I always will, but I don't know if it's enough anymore," Alex said. "I'm not saying I'm going to Albany, but even if I don't, we have to change if there is any hope of us staying together."


	42. Dirty Little Secret

A/N: I added my notes at the bottom of this chapter. Thanks for the reviews on what Olivia should do and her predicament.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: DIRTY LITTLE SECRET**

They got Jack. They got him for the murders of Eric and the other victim and got him to confess once his DNA came back. The case was closed, and justice was served. Olivia was relieved, but she knew, no matter what, things would never be the same. She would either have to tell Alex and risk her career at the hands of Trevor Langan, nevermind the fact that Alex's family would be upset with her. Or, she could keep the secret, and hope and pray Alex never found out. She was in a no-win situation, and she knew it.

As Olivia was finishing up her paperwork at her desk, ready to go home for the day, she looked up and saw two familiar faces - one welcome, one not.

"Langan. Agent Lewis. Did the two of you come here together?" Olivia said, seeing both Trevor and Dana walking toward her.

"Me with this tall drink of water?" Dana said. "No way. We just shared the elevator on the way up."

"I'd like to speak with you about the Nash case for a few moments, if I could," Trevor said.

"Go on, I'll wait on you," Dana said. "Maybe in the meantime, we'll see how I can get your partner shot or stabbed."

Olivia laughed and walked to an interrogation room with Trevor. It's where she talked to most scumbags, and right now, Trevor fit that mold for her.

"I just wanted to remind you that even though this case is over, you are still obligated to do your job and not reveal anything about Mr. Nash's parentage," Langan said while they were still standing in the interrogation room. "To anyone, which includes Alex."

"This is wrong, and you know it, Trevor," Olivia said. "What you're asking me to do, what Alex's entire family is asking me to do, is relationship suicide. I mean, Alex deserves to know."

"You're right," Trevor said. "She probably does, and you are in a terrible position. But it's a job hazard of yours."

"I just don't understand why Alex can't know," Olivia said. "She's strong enough to handle it."

"Because it's what John Cabot wanted, and now it's what Eric's mother, as well as Caroline, wants," Trevor said. "I'm sorry."

"Fine. I'll keep their dirty little secret," she said. "Are we done?"

"We are," Trevor said. "Thank you, Detective Benson. And for what it's worth, I really am sorry. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

Lagan left the room, and Olivia sat down at the table to take a few minutes for herself. She had forgotten that Dana was waiting on her until she heard a tap on the door.

"Detective Benson?" Dana said. "May I come in?"

"Oh, Dana," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, I forgot you were out there."

"It's okay," Dana said. "I couldn't find your partner, but I was just getting caught up with your Captain."

"Well, I can't use much more bad news today, so I hope that's not the reason you're here," Olivia said.

"On the contrary," Dana said. "I have an opportunity for you."

Olivia and Elliot had worked a case with the FBI several months back and met Dana. They both liked her, even if Elliot got shot in the process. It was just a flesh wound, but he sure enjoyed giving Dana a hard time about it.

"What is it?" Olivia asked.

"Well, we have a serial pedophile who keeps avoiding arrest," Dana said. "He moves from state to state before he can get apprehended."

"Okay," Olivia said. "You need SVU's help?"

"I need your help, Detective Benson," Dana said. "He's in upstate, rural New York right now. Hey preys on single mothers who work a lot, and we'd like to send someone in who fits his type. You'd be perfect."

"I'm not a mother," Olivia said.

"No, but you have a motherly instinct about you," Dana said.

"Why me?" Olivia said.

"Because you're good at sex crimes, and I hear you're pretty good with uncover stuff, too," Dana said.

"And what about the child? You can't seriously be thinking of sending in a child undercover," Olivia said.

"No, of course not," Dana said. "This guy seems to get to know the adult victims before the children. We just need you to meet him, talk about your 7-year-old son, how much you work, and lure him in. Then we'll bring in a protected child on occasion as he builds the relationship, but only for a few hours at a time. The child would never be alone with him."

"What are we talking? Like a few weeks?" Olivia said.

"Actually, more like six months," Dana said. "He takes a lot of time to build the relationship, and we think he's not working alone. If we get him, we'd like to get you to help us with the other guy who works a different, but nearby area."

"I can't," Olivia said.

"What do you meant, you can't?" Dana said. "Your Captain was okay with it if you were. It's a great opportunity and sure as hell pays more than NYPD does."

Olivia shook her head.

"Will you at least think about it?" Dana said. "I don't need to know right away. The guy just moved, so it'll take him time to establish a pattern."

"I'll think about it," Olivia said. "But no promises."

"That's all I ask," Dana said. "You have my number. I'll follow up with you in a couple weeks."

Olivia nodded, and Dana left. On one hand, it was a good opportunity, but on the other, there was Alex. However, if Alex was going to Albany, why would it matter if Olivia went undercover?

###

Over the next week, Olivia made every effort to be with Alex. Alex still hadn't decided what to do about Albany, but her deadline was fast approaching. Olivia hadn't mentioned the undercover thing because she thought she would wait and see what Alex decided - about Albany and about them.

She also had kept her word to Trevor and Caroline. She hadn't mentioned a word about Eric. Of course, it didn't help that Rebecca had moved in with them until her new apartment was ready. After what Jessica pulled with Olivia, Rebecca decided to move out. Alex and Olivia offered their couch to Rebecca in the meantime.

But Olivia did what she said. Alex didn't know about Eric, and Rebecca didn't know about Caroline's knowledge. Some days she wanted to call their brother Adam up and ask if he had any secrets she could keep for him, too.

Olivia was heading home when Alex texted to say she had to work late. She had to give an answer to Dana soon, and Alex had to give an answer to her bosses soon. Olivia had been a ball of stress lately.

She decided to call Casey and invite her out for a drink. She needed someone to talk to, and for the most part, had avoided talking to Elliot about it.

"You've been very tense lately, Liv," Casey said. "What's going on?"

"Let's see, do I start with the secret I'm keeping from Alex," Olivia said before Casey cut her off.

"You're not keeping it; her family is," Casey said. "And you have no choice because of Trevor."

"Right," Olivia said. "Alex may be going to Albany for six months, or leaving me, who knows. The FBI wants me to go undercover for six months."

"I thought you asked Alex to stay," Casey said.

"I did, but she hasn't made up her mind...about Albany or about us," Olivia said.

"I'm sorry, I know this is tough on you," Casey said. "Do you still have your houseguest, too?"

"Yeah, which is fine, I like Becca," Olivia said. "But it also means Alex and I have had very little alone time to talk. Our apartment isn't that big."

"When does Becca move?" Casey asked.

"End of the week," Olivia said. "So maybe we can talk this weekend. Decisions are looming for both of us."

"Do you want to do the FBI thing?" Casey asked.

"Honestly, I don't even know," Olivia said. "If I were single, sure, I wouldn't even need to think about it. But now, with Alex, I have to think about her; about us."

"So you're just waiting for her to decide for you, aren't you?" Casey said. "If she leaves for Albany, or leaves you, you're going to do it."

Olivia nodded.

"Can I give me my honest, not lawyer, opinion on all of this?" Casey finally said.

"Yeah, I'd love for someone to tell me what to do," Olivia said.

"You're being too passive with Alex," Casey said. "Tell her what you want. Fight for her. And for God's sake, tell her about her half-brother."

"What?" Olivia snapped her head up in shock. "You're the one that just said -,"

"I know what I said as your ADA," Casey said. "But as your friend, and as a woman, Alex needs to know that she's the most important thing to you. Even if the news hurts her, she's going to feel better knowing you were honest with her."

"What about Trevor?" Olivia said.

"I'll handle Trevor," Casey said. "Yes, you may get into some trouble, but it's nothing we can't handle. I promise to have your back, but you have to promise to fight for Alex. Don't let her leave, and don't you dare go undercover with things like this."

"Wow, who knew you had such strong feelings about me and Alex?" Olivia said.

"Eh, I 'ship it," Casey said with a grin. "Listen, I know this is difficult. You don't want to upset anyone, but you didn't make this mess. Alex's family did. Your only obligation to Alex is to be honest. You have none to her mother or sister, or Trevor. Alex is who is important here."

Olivia nodded. "You're right," she said. "God, what have I been thinking. I mean, everything I do is for her except communicating with her."

"Also, stop working so damn much," Casey said.

"You noticed that, too," Olivia said.

"Everyone did," Casey said.

"I had my reasons," Olivia said. "Well, at first anyway. Then I fell into old patterns and forgot why I was doing it."

"What were your reasons?" Casey said.

"I planned to buy Alex an engagement ring and propose," Olivia said. "I purposely asked for overtime in the beginning. But by the time I found just the right ring, the one I knew Alex would love, I had gotten so caught up in work that I forgot it was supposed to be temporary."

"Seriously?" Casey was shocked. Not that Olivia planned to propose to Alex, but that she had kept it from them. "Have you bought the ring yet?"

"Not yet," Olivia said. "I didn't want to try to keep it hidden at home, and I didn't want anyone at the office to see it."

"Let's go," Casey said.

"Where are we going?" Olivia said.

"We're going to buy Alex that ring, right now," Casey said. "And you're going to go home, wait up on Alex, plan your proposal for this weekend, and tell her everything."

Olivia did. She went with Casey to the jewelry store and found the ring she had been eyeing for months. Luckily, it was still there, and they had it in Alex's size. Now, Olivia just had to make sure Alex didn't make her mind up about Albany before she convinced her otherwise.

Olivia raced home and was delighted to find a note from Rebecca saying she was going on with friends. _Thank God. Maybe we can actually talk tonight._

Alex was having dinner at her late meeting, but Olivia wanted to treat her anyway. She put a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven to have ready when Alex arrived. By the time Alex did arrive, the entire apartment smelled of fresh baked goodies.

"You baked?" Alex said while she hung up her jacket.

"I did," Olivia said. "Chocolate chip. Your favorite."

Alex smiled at the gesture and took the cookies offered to her.

"Rebecca went out with friends tonight," Olivia said. "Her note said she'd be home late. I was hoping it would give us a chance to talk."

"Olivia, I still don't know," Alex said.

"Okay, well, let me talk," Olivia said.

Alex nodded and sat down at the dinner table. She wanted to change out of her work clothes, but she also knew if she saw the bed, she would fall asleep on the spot.

"Dana Lewis from the FBI came to see me last week," Olivia said.

"What did she want?" Alex asked.

"She offered me an undercover assignment with the FBI," Olivia said. Before she could finish telling Alex about it, Alex snapped.

"What?!" Alex said. "Olivia, you have the nerve to ask me not the go to Albany, and you want to do a UC assignment with the FBI, and have known about it for a week? How can you keep doing this to me? How can I keep letting you?"

"I turned it down," Olivia said calmly.

"What?" Alex said.

"I turned it down," Olivia said. "I called her on my way home and told her no."

"Why are you just telling me this?" Alex said, much calmer now.

"Because honestly, I was going to wait and let you make your decision about Albany," Olivia said. "The UC assignment is six months, so I thought if you were going to Albany, I could do my assignment and we'd be gone at the same time; that we could figure things out when they were both over."

"Oh," Alex said. "I haven't..." Olivia put her hand up to stop her.

"Here's the thing, though, Alex," Olivia said. "I don't want to wait to figure things out. That's why I called Dana tonight. I don't want to leave you, regardless of whether you are here or in Albany. I want to be here for you, not off working and unavailable."

Alex remained silent, unsure what to say.

"What I'm saying Alex is, you need to know that I love you," Olivia said. "You are the most important thing to me. I'm choosing you, Alex. And I know I don't have much right to ask, but please, don't go to Albany. Stay here with me. Let's fix this."

Tears fell down Alex's face. Olivia was choosing her. And not just being passive and letting things go whichever way Alex pushed them; No, Olivia was telling her, and showing her exactly what she wanted. She was choosing Alex over the job for once.

Alex nodded. "Okay," she said.

"Okay?" Olivia said, unsure if she was understanding correctly. "You're going to stay here, with me?"

"Yes, I'll stay," Alex said. Olivia reached to hug her, and both of them began crying again.

Olivia laid in bed that night thinking about the rest of her plan. Sure, she was taking a risk proposing while things were like this, but Alex needed to know how serious she was, and that she'd wait as long as she needed to wait. She also knew that she had to tell Alex about her half-brother before she proposed. They would need time and privacy for that as well.

 _Saturday._ Saturday all of this would end, and Olivia was hoping it would end with a happy ending for them.

* * *

A/N: Someone (guest) commented about Alex, how she's kind of too insecure and has all the drama happening. It's funny because I was just thinking about this last night. But just hang with me. If you're reading, you know something big is about to happen (and you can guess, I'm sure). That will be a catalyst for what will come ahead, down the road. It will change things for both of them, and their characters as they've been written so far.

The next chapter is the one where everything changes, and the last one before a time jump. It'll be up today sometime. I won't leave you hanging too long. Hold on tight.


	43. Shattered

A/N :-(

(more below)

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SHATTERED**

It was Saturday morning, and Alex was feeling good. She was hopeful about her and Olivia for the first time in forever. She and Olivia had shared breakfast together before Olivia left for a few hours. She said she needed to run some errands and get groceries, as Olivia has promised to cook dinner for them that night.

Rebecca had finished picking up most of her things and had moved to her new apartment the night before. It had been nice having her around, and Alex was happy for the improved relationship with her sister. They hadn't had many good sister moments since Alex was a child, so it was fun for her finally having an "older sister" again. At least one that she could count on.

 _Hopeful_. That was the only thing going through Alex's mind as she laid on the couch reading a book. She was looking forward to her future with Olivia and was glad that they were finally communicating and working together on their relationship.

###

Olivia hurried through her morning run and grocery trip. Today was the day her life was going to change. She couldn't wait to spend her future with Alex. Of course, she knew she had to get through some hard stuff before that happened.

A romantic dinner was on their agenda, but before that, she had to tell Alex about her brother. She knew Alex would be upset that she had kept the information from her for a few weeks, but she had to take that risk. She couldn't start their future based on secrets and lies.

Dana had called earlier, again, asking Olivia to reconsider.

"No, I have something more important here," Olivia told her.

"Well, if you change your mind, we're leaving tonight. We have a place for you," Dana said before hanging up.

###

Alex was nearly asleep on the couch reading her book when she heard a knock at the door.

She got up to answer it and was surprised to see Jessica on the other side holding a box.

"What do you want?" Alex said curtly.

"Rebecca forgot some things, and I wanted to drop them off," Jessica said. "I don't know where her new apartment is, so I figured you could get them to her. I left her a message and told I was bringing them here."

"I'll see that she gets them," Alex said, taking the box from Jessica.

"I know this doesn't mean much coming from me, but I'm sorry about the problems I caused you and Olivia," Jessica said.

"You're right, it doesn't mean much," Alex said, before shutting the door in her face and walking back to the living room. _Bitch,_ Alex thought.

She sat the box down on the coffee table and went back to grab her book. The small box didn't have a lid. It looked like a bunch of letters and some papers. Alex didn't pay much attention to it until she noticed what looked like an obituary.

 _Eric Nash. Wasn't that the murder victim Olivia worked a few weeks back?_ Alex then remembered that Olivia had mentioned Rebecca knew the victim. That must be why Becca had his obituary. She picked it up and read it. There was nothing too unusual about it, although he did grow up near where her family was from and was just a little older than her. The son of Gary and Margaret Nash. She didn't know those people. She sat the obituary aside and kept looking through the box, feeling only slightly guilty about going through her sister's things.

There were some pictures of Rebecca and Eric. It looked like they were out at a bar in most of them. _He was probably one of her drinking buddies_. Alex rolled her eyes. _Could he have been a boyfriend? They looked comfy with each other, but Becca was comfy with everyone when she was drinking. No, Becca probably would have mentioned if her ex-boyfriend had died._

Under the pictures, she saw some letters addressed to Rebecca when she was in jail for her DUI. The return address was from Eric. Alex picked them up. She shouldn't look at them - she knew that - but she let her curiosity get the best of her. If it were Rebecca sitting in front of Alex's stuff, Rebecca wouldn't think twice about looking at them. At least, that's what Alex told herself to justify it.

There was nothing too exciting in the letter she was holding. A bit about what was going on in Eric's life. He seemed pretty straight-laced and boring. Just like Alex. She started to put the letter down, realizing she shouldn't be reading these when a word on the page jumped out.

 _Sister._

Eric was happy to have a sister in his life, even if he didn't know her growing up. _That couldn't be right?_ _Maybe he meant it figuratively, and Becca was like a sister to him._

She picked up another letter. Within a few seconds of reading, she wished she hadn't.

He mentioned " _our father."_ How he appreciated everything John had done for him, with school, but he still wasn't interested in a relationship with the Cabot family, aside from Rebecca, and was glad that no one else knew about him.

 _What. The. Fuck?_

Alex dropped the letter. The room began to spin, and she dropped her head down between her knees, putting her hands on the back of her neck.

Her father had another child. He'd had an affair and fathered a child, and no one had ever told her. From the looks of the letter, the only people that knew was her father and Rebecca. What was worse is that this guy, Eric, was her age. Barely a year older than Alex.

Alex closed her eyes and sat on the couch, fighting back the tears. She sat like that for what seemed like forever, until she heard a key turn in the lock.

 _Thank, God, Olivia is home._ Alex needed her girlfriend right now more than ever.

It wasn't Olivia. It was Rebecca coming to pick up her box from Jessica. Alex glared at her. She was so angry at her sister for keeping this from her.

"Hey, Alex," Rebecca said. "I came to get whatever Jessica dropped off. I also still have your key I should probably return."

"Eric Nash," Alex said. "How could you keep something like this from me?"

Rebecca was surprised. She still hadn't seen the box, as Alex had gotten up and met her half-way between the door and the living room.

"Olivia told you," Rebecca said in a resigned tone. She sighed. She expected it eventually. She knew Olivia would never be able to keep the truth from Alex.

"I'm sorry? Olivia what?" Alex said, trying to register what she just heard. "She knew?"

Rebecca's mouth dropped open, and Alex knew she had heard correctly.

"No, Olivia didn't tell me, although she sure as hell should have," Alex said. "The box Jessica dropped off. It had all of your letters."

"Fuck," Rebecca said.

"Get out," Alex said.

"What?" Rebecca said.

"I said, get out," Alex said.

"Please, Alex, don't blame Olivia," Rebecca said. "I begged her not the tell you."

Alex stood with her arms crossed. Rebecca knew that look and that their conversation was over. She put the apartment key down on the table by the door and left.

Once outside she called Olivia. _Voicemail._

She didn't leave a message. It wasn't the kind of thing you left a message about. She would just try her again later, hopefully before Alex got to her.

Back inside the apartment, Alex began crying again. Sobbing this time. She was upset to hear about her father's unfaithfulness, and that her father and sister had kept this secret from her all these years. But for Olivia to know and not tell her? Well, that was unforgivable. All the hope she felt earlier that morning was gone. It had been replaced with hurt and pain.

Alex sat on the couch, waiting. Olivia would be home soon. She had told Alex she had a special day planned for them, that she needed to talk to her. Alex no longer cared what Olivia had to say.

She was done. They were done.

The apartment door finally opened about an hour later. Olivia was struggling to get through the door with the grocery bags. She had brought flowers home, too. A few of hours ago, it would have brought a smile to Alex's face. Now, it just brought sadness.

Alex sat in silence watching Olivia put the bags on the counter in the kitchen and put the groceries away. Olivia picked up the flowers and went to join Alex in the living room.

"For my favorite person in the world," Olivia said, leaning down the kiss Alex on the cheek.

Alex didn't budge, nor did she smile.

"Alex?" Olivia said, noticing Alex's red puffy eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm going to Albany," Alex said.

"What? I thought you decided not to go," Olivia said. _No, she can't go to Albany._

"Yeah, well, things change," Alex said.

Olivia turned her head sideways, giving Alex a look of confusion. She had no idea what was happening.

"Eric Nash?" Alex said. Olivia took a deep breath. "Did you plan on keeping this from me forever, Olivia?"

"Alex, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "No, I was going to tell you. Today, actually."

"Oh, well, isn't that a convenient story," Alex said, dripping with sarcasm.

"It's true, I swear to you, Alex," Olivia said.

"Really? Well, Becca didn't seem to know anything about you telling me," Alex said.

"I didn't tell her I was going to tell you," Olivia said. "Please, believe me. Ask Casey."

"Oh, so you can talk to Casey about my family secrets but not me?" Alex said.

"Alex, it's not like that," Olivia said. "Casey knew because of the case we were working. The DNA on Eric, before we ID'd him, matched to your sister's DNA in the system. So I went to ask her."

"You couldn't have asked me?" Alex said. "I mean, I have a fucking brother. You didn't think that's something you should share with me?"

"I couldn't!" Olivia said. "Trevor threatened legal action if we told anyone. It was my job to keep it confidential."

"So what? You should have told me," Alex said. "This is one more example of you choosing the job over me."

"No, Alex, I was going to tell you," Olivia said. "Please don't do this, I love you."

"Yeah, well you should have told me when you found out," Alex said. "Instead, you and my sister, and Elliot and Casey and Trevor, and who knows how many other people, chose to keep this from me."

Olivia was silent. She knew Alex wasn't done talking.

"And you know what, it's fine for them to do it," Alex said. "But you're my girlfriend. The most important person in my life. The person I'm supposed to be able to trust more than anyone else in this world. We don't keep secrets."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said, hanging her head.

"Who else knew? Adam? My mom?" Alex asked.

"I don't think Adam knew," Olivia said.

"And my mother?" Alex said.

Olivia's silence told Alex the truth.

"It's bad enough my father kept it from us. But when my mother and my girlfriend are in on it, I don't even know what to say. I mean, I expect this stuff from Rebecca, but you?" Alex said.

"I can't do this," Alex continued. "I texted Liz earlier and told her I was going to Albany. I'm leaving, Liv, and I'm leaving you."

Tears were falling down Olivia's face. She was sobbing.

"Please, Alex," Olivia begged, taking Alex's hand. "Don't do this. I'll do anything. I will spend the rest of my life making up for this."

Alex pulled her hand away.

"I want to believe you, Olivia," Alex said. "But I can't do this. Not anymore. I'm sorry."

Alex got up from the couch and walked to the door. She picked up an overnight bag she had packed before Olivia got home. Olivia hadn't even noticed it when she came through the door.

"Alex, I love you, please don't leave me," Olivia pleaded one last time through her tears.

"I love you, too, Liv, and I always will," Alex said. "But it's not enough for me anymore. I'll send someone for my things. I leave for Albany on Monday."

She turned, gave Olivia a sad smile, and walked out the door.

Olivia had lost Alex. The most important thing in her life that matter had just walked out the door, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Olivia sat there for a long time, finally getting up to get out their bottle of scotch and a glass. She sat it on the coffee table next to the engagement ring box she planned to give Alex that night.

It seemed fitting. It was the same drink she shared with Alex's father when she met him. The night he gave her his blessing to marry his daughter some day. The night when she promised to always put Alex first in her life, to take care of her. She had failed him. It was ironic, really, that she failed him by trying to protect his secret.

After two glasses of scotch, and enough time that she knew Alex wasn't going to walk back through the door, she picked up her phone.

"Dana," Olivia said. "It's Olivia. Do you still have a place for me?"

 _Of course, they did._

Olivia got up, packed a bag. Before turning the lights off, she looked around the room.

The bottle of scotch, glass, and ring were left on the coffee table. A painful reminder of what she had lost.

###

Alex drove around New York City for hours. It was something she didn't usually enjoy. She wasn't enjoying it now, either. She had packed her bag before Olivia got home, but she had no idea what she was going to do when she left that apartment. Normally, she'd go to her mother. But, she was angry with her mother right now, too.

She felt completely alone for the first time in her life. She couldn't believe that everyone she loved, that claimed to love her, had betrayed her like this by keeping this secret.

She expected stuff like that from Rebecca, at least the old Rebecca. She also somewhat expected it from her father. _Protect the family_. That's all he worried about. It's why he didn't want her to be gay, afraid of what it would do to her, and him.

She realized Olivia probably was trying to do the same thing - protect her. Her sister knew and had begged Olivia not to say anything. Her mother knew and probably did the same. But Olivia, Olivia should have known better. She should have trusted Alex.

In one moment, everything about her life she believed in and trusted came crashing down.

Still, she couldn't help to think, _was Olivia really going to tell her today?_ Sure, Olivia should have told her right away, but knowing that she was making an effort, and maybe, just maybe, Olivia was going to tell her, made her question her decision.

Maybe she shouldn't have left so hastily. Even if it didn't work out, even if she could never trust Olivia again, was running off to Albany the thing to do?

She didn't know, but she did know that regardless, she loved Olivia and even if Olivia was wrong, she probably didn't intend to hurt Alex.

Alex turned around and drove back to their apartment. They needed to talk. They needed to figure this out, whether they had a future or not. Albany wouldn't solve that problem, and Alex wasn't ready to let go just yet.

When Alex got to the apartment, she rushed to unlock the door. What she found was not what she expected.

The apartment was dark. No one was home. _Where was Olivia?_

She looked through the apartment. Everything seemed to be in place. She returned to the kitchen, then saw two things. Dana Lewis' business card and a piece of scratch paper with a partial address on it. _No, she didn't._

Olivia was gone.

Alex walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She looked down at the table. A bottle of scotch. An empty glass. _A ring box?_

Alex picked up the box and opened it. Tears began to fall immediately. It was an engagement ring. The perfect engagement ring. It was exactly as Alex had described she wanted someday.

It was also an expensive engagement ring. More than a detective's salary would pay for, unless... _the overtime. Shit._

Alex sat the ring back on the table, closing the box.

She picked up the bottle of scotch and poured herself a glass. The smell reminded her of her father. Her father's favorite drink. The man she looked up to her entire life, trying to please and meet his expectations. The man that was partially responsible for where she was right now - alone.

Alex downed the glass of scotch in one gulp, and allowing her anger to take over, she threw the glass against the wall and watched it shatter.

The shattering sound made her cry even harder.

 _Shattering_. Just the life around her.

* * *

A/N: *Ducks* Please don't throw anything at me. I promise I'll fix it! :-)

Seriously, though, I'd love to hear what you think. We're going to do a time jump after this and see how they work their way back together (you already know they do b/c of the Noah fics that will tie in).


	44. Albany

A/N: Here's what happened in their six months. Expect more time jumps, but I wanted to set the scene for where they are emotionally before we jump back into it.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: ALBANY**

Six months. Six long months that Alex spent in Albany. Six months thinking about everything that had gone wrong in her relationship with Olivia. Six months without seeing or talking to the brunette.

She knew she wasn't blameless, but Olivia certainly wasn't either.

Her first few months in Albany, she was hurt. Olivia had hurt her. Rebecca had hurt her. Her mother had hurt her. Her father had hurt her, even in death.

It took her several months to even warm back up to her mother and even talk to her sister. It was always harder for her to stay mad at her mother than her sister.

They both lobbied on behalf of Olivia. They told her how they asked her to keep the secret; how Olivia was just protecting her, and protecting their family. It was what her father would have wanted, after all.

And for the most part, Alex could accept that. She knew Olivia did it for her, even though, had the situation been reversed, she knew damn well Olivia would have wanted to know.

Alex left Olivia. Alex accepted that. This was her doing. She's the one that walked out and told Olivia she was leaving her and going to Albany.

But, she also came back. Sure, it wasn't right away. It took her hours of driving around the city. But she came back to Olivia.

And Olivia was gone and didn't come back.

Alex knew that because she spent the weekend in their apartment crying. Waiting. Hoping. And becoming angrier by the second.

Olivia had left without even a second guess. Without a note. She left without expecting Alex to come back. In Alex's mind, Olivia thought that it was over, and she didn't do anything to stop it.

One day. Hell, even a few more hours. That's all Alex would have needed before she walked back into their apartment.

Alex came back, and Olivia didn't.

And despite everything else, Alex didn't know if she could ever move past that. When things got tough, Olivia ran back to her first love: her job.

But that was six months ago. Alex was different now. Alex was tougher. Albany had done good by her. It reminded her of why she became a lawyer. It reminded her of the change she wanted to make. It also reminded her of the game she needed to play.

This is what Liz and her father wanted from her. They wanted the Alex Cabot who could go toe to toe with anyone in a courtroom and win. The Alex Cabot who may not agree, but would uphold the law regardless of the outcome. The Alex Cabot, who showed up at SVU on day one, ready to kick ass and make a name and career for herself.

She was hurt. Shattered. Broken. But she put herself back together and recovered. She moved on - just like she was taught.

###

For Olivia, the six-month undercover assignment had been successful, professionally speaking. But personally, she was a mess.

She knew the moment she woke up in a hotel room upstate, the morning after Alex had left her, that she made a mistake. Unfortunately, she was already here and briefed. Sure, she could leave, but not without pissing off a lot of people. And besides, Alex was gone to Albany. What was she going home to - an empty apartment? No, thanks.

Every single day, she regretted taking the assignment. She regretted leaving and not fighting harder for Alex. Albany wasn't that far away, maybe she could take some personal time and go find Alex.

Of course, she knew she couldn't do that - not while she was undercover, anyway. It would jeopardize the whole operation and put even more children at risk of abuse. She couldn't have that on her conscious, too.

No, Olivia made her bed and she had to lie in it. She had to accept that Alex didn't want to be with her. That she had screwed up and hurt Alex one too many times.

She didn't blame Alex for leaving. She should have told her from the start. She had just thought that maybe, just maybe, Alex would understand her position. After all, Alex's mother could be very convincing.

But finding out the way she did, not from Olivia, just made it worse. And Alex made her choice. She left, and Olivia had to accept that whatever they had was over. When she got back to the city, maybe Alex could forgive her. But right now, she had to accept the consequences.

At the end of the six months, Olivia was different, too.

She was also broken but in a different way. She didn't want to be put back together, at least not as she was before. The cracks. The chips. The holes. They made her more vulnerable. They made her softer. They made her realize that never again could she use her job as a wall to protect herself, or to shut out the people that she loved.

She didn't know if she'd ever get another shot with Alex; heck, she didn't even know if she'd ever see Alex again. But either way, when she found love again, she swore on her grave that it would be different.

She loved her job, sometimes too much, and she knew that would never change, but somehow, she had to make room for more important things in her life. She needed to fill the holes inside of her with love and not the horrors they saw each and every day on the job.

She needed more from her life, and if it killed her, she was going to make sure she found it.


	45. Welcome Back

A/N: For now, suspend your notion of canon timeline and seasons and just go with it. Next up after this is "Lead."

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: WELCOME BACK**

"Welcome back, partner," Elliot said when Olivia walked into the squad room for the first time in over six months.

She called him the night she left town and told him she was going undercover and about Alex leaving for Albany. The following Monday, he came over to her apartment at her request and picked up the ring. Olivia realized that leaving it sitting out wasn't a good idea, especially since she figure Alex would be there on the weekends from Albany to pack her stuff up.

Elliot did as asked. He took the ring for her and cleaned up the smashed glass. Elliot saw the scotch and assumed it was Olivia who had thrown the glass. When Olivia got home, all traces of Alex was gone, aside from a few photos Alex had left of the two of them - her favorites - sitting around the apartment. Even the smell of Alex was gone.

"Thanks," Olivia said, sitting down at her desk. "It's good to be back."

"Have you talked to Alex?" Elliot asked in a quiet tone.

"Not yet," Olivia said. "I don't even know where's she's living."

"Well, I heard she's the new Homicide Bureau Chief," Elliot said. "You know, if you were planning on calling her."

"Thanks, El," Olivia said.

Olivia did call. Several times. She called Alex's office phone. She called her cell phone. She called Alex's mother to get her address. Caroline gave it to her, knowing it would likely upset Alex, but she felt like she owed Olivia that much.

All of Olivia's calls went unreturned. Alex's apartment had a doorman and security. Olivia couldn't get upstairs without Alex's authorization. Each time she went, she was told no one was home. Eventually, Olivia stopped visiting and wrote an old-fashioned letter.

 _Nothing_.

Six months of trying to talk to Alex and she got nothing. Not even a returned phone call. She finally tried going to her new office. She didn't want to cause a scene, but she just wanted to see Alex; to know she was okay.

And she did see her.

She saw Alex in her office through the windows. Her door was closed and several other people were in there.

Alex saw Olivia, too.

Olivia knew the look. Alex's eyes met hers and her mouth opened slightly. She acknowledges her with only a small smile before returning her attention to her guests.

Olivia left a message with Alex's assistant. "Just ask her to call Detective Benson."

Olivia waited. She waited until the days turned into a week. The weeks turned into a month. The month turned into, well, more months than Olivia cared to remember.

Alex had moved on, and Olivia had to respect that. She had to find a way to move on, and she had to pay for the consequences of not putting Alex first in her life.

###

Alex spent several weekends over her six months in Albany packing up her stuff from the apartment. Her first weekend back, she noticed the ring was gone. So was the bottle of scotch. She assumed Elliot had been there, as he was the only other person she knew Olivia had ever given a key to.

When she was done, she looked around the apartment one last time. Everything of hers was gone - the only remaining reminder of their relationship was the few pictures she left for Olivia. Alex took her share, unsure of what to do with them, but the others - Olivia's favorites - she left. Olivia could do with them what she wanted.

When she arrived back in the city, she was thrown straight into the fire as the Homicide Bureau Chief. She was grateful for the distraction, even if the very young ADAs working under her were a handful.

Alex got Olivia's calls and messages left at her apartment. She didn't know how Olivia knew where she lived, but she guessed that her mother was the likely culprit. She still asked about Olivia.

She also saw Olivia the day she showed up in her office. It took her by surprise. She thought for a split second of excusing herself from her meeting, but she didn't.

She couldn't help but smile, though. Olivia was still beautiful and Alex realized in that moment, as much as she wanted to be over her, she wasn't.

Unfortunately, for Alex, that just meant she had to work harder at keeping Olivia off her mind. She couldn't allow herself to get hurt like that again. Maybe ignoring Olivia was wrong, but Alex had to put herself first, for once. She couldn't take another heartbreak.

So Alex did what she did during her six months in Albany - she threw herself into her work. It was easy to do, especially considering she was the one making decisions for her ADAs now.

She'd laugh at times thinking of how difficult she had been for Liz in her younger years. She understood the politics of the job more now - she had to if she was going to survive moving up in the DA's office. She was thankful that none of her ADAs were as difficult as she had been. Someday, she would have to thank Liz and apologize to her.

###

 _Two years_. That's how it had been since Olivia and Alex had broken up. Both had been back in the city for a year and a half and, aside from the one day in Alex's office, hadn't laid eyes on each other.

Both had casually dated in that time, but nothing serious came of it. For Alex, it was because she just didn't have the time. All of her focus was on work. For Olivia, well, she just hadn't met anyone quite like Alex.

Two years since their break-up and while they had both found a way to move on - rarely a day went by when they didn't think about what could have been, or if they would ever even see each other again.

Two years since they had seen each other, but all of that changed with one phone call.

"Alex, it's Jack."

Alex had been waiting for the phone call from Jack McCoy. She had transferred out of Homicide a few months ago and was stuck doing Appeals in Albany. She hated it and made it clear to Jack she wanted out and back in the city. She hoped this was the phone call she was waiting on. She was in her office in the city and not in Albany, but was due back tomorrow. She didn't want to go back.

"Please tell me you have good news," Alex said while writing yet another motion to quash an appeal for some dirtbag who was more than guilty.

"Actually, I'm calling for a favor," he said. "You may not like it, but it will get you out of Appeals."

"Anything," she said. "I'll do anything to get out of here."

"I need you in SVU," he said. "The Justice Dept wants Greyleck back, and since she wasn't working out there anyway, the DA decided to let her go immediately."

Alex leaned back in her chair and sighed. Maybe she should have rethought the word _anything._

"Listen, Alex," Jack said. "I know you have a history there and with Benson, but I really need you there. You're the best ADA that's ever worked SVU. Just don't tell Liz I said that."

"When do you need to know?" she said.

"Right now," he said. "In fact, if you will agree, I need you there in the next hour. They have a high-profile crime scene."

Alex thought about it for a second. _Two years. How on earth was this going to go over with Olivia?_

"Fine," she finally said. "But you owe me big time."

"When you get done with this stint there, I'll put you anywhere you want," Jack said.

"How about your job?" Alex joked.

"Don't press your luck," he laughed. "Besides, trust me, you don't want my job."

Alex hung up the phone and pulled out the bottle of scotch she kept locked in her drawer. She poured a small glass and took a drink. She knew she probably needed a lot more to deal with what was ahead of her, but she settled for the subtle taste of liquid courage.

She picked up her bag and headed off to the 1-6 precinct to meet Captain Cragen, knowing he may be the only welcome face she saw once she arrived.


	46. Lead

A/N: We're starting the process now. I know you all are anxious for them to be together, and I'll more time ahead as much as I can, but we have to be real. They have some things to work through (and some fun, angry, episodes coming up that I can't wait to write). Just know there will be a payoff. Happy endings, remember?

As for the ring...we'll find out and it will be fun. Maybe Elliot still has it. Maybe Liv has it. Maybe she sold it and went on a fancy vacation. Maybe she threw it in the Hudson. ;-)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: LEAD**

"Cragen says we don't touch anything until Greyleck sees the crime scene just in case IAB wants to screw with us again," Elliot said. They were outside the residence of convicted sex offender, Dr. Kressler. He was on house arrest and an ankle bracelet until sentencing.

"You sure Greyleck isn't on one of her 'I gotta be at the crime scene' crusades?" Munch quipped.

The squad all rolled their eyes thinking of their pain-in-the-ass ADA Kim Greyleck. Fin finally looked up and saw Cragen coming with a familiar face.

"That's not Greyleck," Fin said, his voice surprised, which was rare for Fin.

Everyone turned to see who was coming with Cragen.

"Alex?" Olivia said, her tone soft, but surprised. At that moment, her heart stopped. She had figured she'd never see Alex again, especially not at SVU.

This was the moment Alex was dreading. Or looking forward to. She wasn't quite sure.

She looked intently at Olivia, before turning her eye contact to the rest of the quad.

"What have we got?" she said.

The four detectives just stood there with their mouths dropped open. No one except Elliot knew exactly what had happened with Olivia and Alex, but they knew it wasn't good. Worse yet, they hadn't seen hide or hair of their former ADA and friend since before she left for Albany.

Inside the crime scene, Alex realized she had forgotten what it was like to stare at a dead body. Sure, she worked homicide, but as the Bureau Chief, she was rarely at a crime scene. It had been a long time since she had seen anything this brutal. Her face showed it, too.

"Where's Greyleck? Elliot asked.

"New administration called her back to the Justice Department," Alex replied, not taking her eyes away from the dead body. "DA let her leave immediately."

"And McCoy drafted you to fill in?" Olivia said. Her bitter tone was apparent. While she was happy to see Alex, she was not happy with having had her just dropped into their crime scene with no warning.

"I wasn't drafted," Alex said, softly. "Jack asked me."

"No one told us about it," Olivia said.

"I only accepted an hour ago," Alex said. Her tone was clear she didn't want to have this conversation right now.

Before any more conversation could take place, CSU Tech O'Halloran walked over to see if they were ready.

"Let's go," Alex said, changing the subject.

###

Olivia went home that night and opened a bottle of wine. She hadn't had a chance to talk to Alex, and as much as part of her wanted to, the other part was afraid. After all, Alex had gone out of her way to avoid her all this time. Why would things be different?

She sat on the couch, wine in one hand, cell phone in the other. She flipped it opened and scrolled to Alex's number. Her thumb hovered near the call button, but she couldn't make herself do it - not yet anyway. She closed the phone and poured another glass of wine. Maybe one more glass would give her the courage she needed.

She took another couple of drinks and picked her phone back up. She opened it and pushed the button by Alex's name.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Who is here?" Olivia muttered to herself, phone still in hand.

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

 _Was that coming from the hallway?_

Olivia got up to go answer the door, phone still to her ear.

When she opened the door, she saw Alex standing there, pulling her phone out of her pocket and opening it.

"Alex?" Olivia said, phone still to ear.

"Hi," Alex said, also talking into the phone while looking at Olivia. Alex kicked herself for the short greeting. A vocabulary like Alex had and all she could manage was "hi." _God, Olivia is beautiful._

Olivia smiled and moved back. "Please, come in."

Alex walked through the door and took her long jacket off, hanging it on the coat hook as she had done hundreds of times before.

Olivia motioned for Alex to sit on the couch. She was nervous and could tell Alex was, too.

"Can I offer you something to drink?" Olivia asked. _That was the polite thing to do, right?_

"Water would be nice," Alex said. Actually, she wanted and probably needed alcohol for this, but she knew it would also lower her inhibitions. She couldn't afford that.

Olivia nodded and opened the refrigerator to grab a the Brita pitcher and poured a glass.

Alex sat on the couch and looked around Olivia's apartment - her old apartment. It hadn't changed much. A new tv, but the same old couch and coffee table. Same chair. The only change aside from the tv was the pictures of them had been swapped out - photos of Olivia with her mom, a photo with the SVU squad, a graduation photo from Academy.

Olivia returned to the living room with two glasses of water and sat down. She pushed back the glass of wine she had been drinking when Alex arrived.

"Thank you," Alex said. Olivia nodded. "I...uh...how are you?" _God, get it together Cabot._

"I'm good," Olivia said, smiling. She really was for once. "You?"

"I'm...yeah...good," Alex said. She didn't know how to answer the question. She was good. She was kicking ass at work. Things were looking up for her.

Olivia took a deep breath. This wasn't why Alex was here.

"Alex...why are you here?" Olivia said. "I mean...it's good to see you, but..."

"No, I know," Alex said. "It's a fair question." Olivia didn't mean why she was back at SVU. Olivia wanted to know why she was there at her apartment.

"I...just want to make sure you are okay with this," Alex said. "I would have called you before I came if there had been time. I know me just showing up on your crime scene must have been a shock after all this time."

"Yeah," Olivia said. "You could say that. Um...yeah...I guess I'm okay. I mean, it's just work, right?"

"Right," Alex said. _Just work. Something Alex was good at these days._

They sat in silence, drinking their water. Both using it as an excuse to not have to talk.

"Why didn't you call, Alex?" Olivia finally asked. "I mean, you couldn't manage just one damn phone call?"

Alex's breath became staggered. She knew the question would come. And she had prepared an answer - an answer that she couldn't remember at the moment.

"I needed the space for myself," Alex said. _And you broke my heart._

"Two years?" Olivia said.

"Olivia, we can't do this; not right now," Alex said, getting her confidence back. "If we do, we'll never be able to work together."

Olivia sighed. Alex was right, and if Olivia ever wanted to win Alex back, she needed to try to not piss her off.

"You're right," Olivia said. "I really am glad to see you. I've...missed...you."

Alex's breath stopped. She missed Olivia, too, even if she wouldn't admit it - even to herself.

"It's good to see you, too, Olivia," Alex said. "I should get going."

Olivia walked her to the door, picking up her jacket and helping Alex put it on with the ease she had done so many times before.

Alex turned around before she left, facing Olivia, unsure of how two colleagues who used to be lovers were supposed to say goodbye. _Do we hug? Shake hands? Just say goodbye and go?_

Olivia was having the same internal struggle. She moved stiffly toward Alex. Alex reached her hands out and placed them on Olivia's arms to maintain a safe distance. They moved closer and lightly hugged. It was stiff, cold, and awkward.

"Goodbye," Alex smiled, before turning to leave.

"Bye," Olivia said.

When the door was shut, both women looked back, letting out a sigh.

This was going to be hard.

* * *

A/N 2: Not story related, but I am holding out hope that the new showrunner will bring Cabot back...at least for a few episodes. Rick Eid was the creator of 'Conviction' and used to be a lawyer...so maybe, just maybe, he'll bring back our favorite ADA (even though I do love Barba).


	47. Hardwired

A/N: So, we have "Turmoil" then "Perverted" coming. Then we'll do a bit of a time jump. I haven't figured out Congo yet, but we'll be skipping some "time" and speed up to the point where Olivia has Noah soon. Tension building. Do you think they slip up before they officially get back together?

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HARDWIRED**

The next couple of months was hard on both Olivia and Alex. Olivia tried a couple of times to connect with Alex, offering lunch or dinner, but Alex always declined. Olivia took the hint, as did Elliot.

Elliot saw the pain his partner was in so he began to step in and work more closely with Alex, alleviating Olivia from having to do it. When hundreds of photos of war criminal needed to be looked at and gone through, it was Elliot who volunteered to help Alex. When they needed to press for a warrant, it was Elliot who went and made the case. For the most part, Olivia stayed in the background and let Elliot deal with Alex.

Even though it was never explicitly stated as to what he was doing or why, both women knew and appreciated the gesture. Cragen noticed as well and was silently grateful that Elliot stepped in for his partner.

After the first couple of months, things began to get back to normal. Olivia and Alex could work together, and they began to talk, as colleagues and maybe even friends at times. They would share lunch together on occasion, but almost always with Elliot. The tension was beginning to lift just enough for them to relax in each other's presence.

Of course, even if things were getting back to normal, it was apparent to all of SVU that Alex wasn't exactly the same. She was still a damn good lawyer - they best they had ever worked with - and was probably even better now than when she worked SVU before. However, she was tougher now and a lot less willing to bend the rules for them, insisting they covered their asses - and hers. As much as they understood it, it was becoming frustrating to the squad, especially Elliot and Olivia.

#

Alex had been called back to Appeals for a couple of months to work on a previous case she had been trying. She still hated Appeals but silently wondered if staying there was maybe best for everyone. Of course, she didn't dare voice that to Jack McCoy as much as she begged him to get her out of there.

However, when Sonya Paxton, the ADA who filled in to replace Alex, showed up in their squad room, no one was happy. Yes, Alex had been a pain in their ass, but at least they trusted her and could work with her. Sonya Paxton was just a bitch.

While SVU wasn't happy about Paxton's downfall - having to take a breathalyzer in open court - they did breath a sigh of relief when she was gone, and they heard Alex would be returning.

A couple of days before Alex's first big case coming back, the squad and Alex decided to meet at their favorite bar. Everyone had been stressed out with Paxton there, and Alex realized, despite her earlier questioning it, she was happy to be out of Appeals and back at SVU. It was the first time Alex had been out with the entire squad since her initial return.

Elliot went up to the bar to get another round of beer for everyone and Munch joined him to help carry.

"Benson and Cabot seem to be getting along better tonight," Munch said. "Think those two will ever work it out?"

"I don't know, but I sure hope so," Elliot said. "The past few months were just painful. And I'm the one that had to get the brunt of Alex's ass-kicking and lectures."

"Well, it was nice of you to take one for the team, or in this case, your partner," Munch said, laughing as they returned to the table.

All six of them were crammed around the table - Munch, Fin, Cragen with his soda water, Elliot, Olivia, and Alex. It was just like old times. It was also the closest Alex and Olivia had physically been to each other in over two years, aside from that awkward hug when Alex returned. Both of them tried to pretend like they didn't notice, but each was keenly aware of the hypersensitivity in their bodies. When their hands brushed as they both reached for the pitcher of beer at the same time, it sent goosebumps down both of their arms. Of course, they both jerked their hand back before mumbling an apology and giving the other a soft smile.

It also gave Olivia just the slight hint of hope she needed in trying to recapture what she and Alex had in the past.

At least, that was until _she_ showed up.

Jill Anderson. A tall, beautiful defense attorney who happened to be a friend of Fin's son, Ken. That's what brought her to their table that night. As Fin was making introductions, before he got to Alex, Jill stopped him.

"Alexandra Cabot," she said, giving Alex a flirty smile.

"You two know each other?" Fin asked.

Alex looked nervous, drinking her beer and trying to avoid eye contact with Olivia.

"We do," Jill said. "Alex broke my heart." Jill chuckled as she stared at Alex.

"I'd hardly say one dinner is reason for a heartbreak," Alex replied.

"You two dated?" Fin asked.

"I wouldn't quite call it dating," Jill said. "But it wasn't for lack of trying on my part. This one here is always too busy working for me."

"I'm not always working," Alex protested. "You're just not used to someone telling you no."

Alex's voice was cocky and defiant. Was that hint of flirting Olivia heard in her voice?

Fin and Munch gave a whistle while Elliot watched Olivia's reaction. Olivia clenched her jaw and shot an icy glare toward Jill. She had no right to be jealous. Of course, Alex had dated in their time apart. Olivia had, too. But it didn't mean she wanted to see a drop-dead gorgeous woman pursue Alex in front of her so aggressively, or Alex flirt back with her.

Olivia went back to nursing her beer and tried to tune out the conversation until Jill left to re-join her friends.

She succeeded in mostly putting it out of her mind until the next day when she went to Alex's office with Elliot to ask for a warrant. When they knocked and opened the door, they were surprised to see Jill in there. Alex was standing with her purse. It looked like the two of them were just getting ready to leave.

"Jill, what a surprise to see you again so soon," Elliot said. He was afraid of what Olivia would have said had she spoke.

"Well, you know, Alex told us she wasn't always working, so I called her bluff and told her to prove it by having lunch with me today," Jill said, smiling back at Alex. "Honestly, I think she only agreed to prove me wrong."

Alex rolled her eyes, aware of the face Olivia was making as she looked at the floor.

"I only have an hour, so unless you want me to cancel on you again, we need to go," Alex said. It wasn't wrong for her to date, she knew that. Besides, this wasn't a date anyway. It was lunch with a friend. Still, seeing the hurt look in Olivia's eyes, justified or not, made Alex feel conflicted.

After lunch, Alex made it a point to go over to the precinct and talk to Olivia.

When they were alone in an interrogation room, she spoke.

"Today wasn't a date, Olivia," Alex said. "I figured if I had lunch with Jill, she'd leave me alone."

"Alex, it's fine," Olivia said. "I'd be crazy to think you haven't dated anyone since we broke up. So, please, you don't need to explain yourself to me."

Olivia was saying the right words, but Alex didn't entirely believe them. As much as Olivia was fighting it, Alex could hear the bitterness in her voice.

Olivia turned to leave, but Alex caught her arm. They shared a stare that turned into Alex moving her eyes to Olivia's lips. For a split second, Olivia thought - and hoped - Alex was going to kiss her.

"Liv, don't do this," Alex said. "Don't pretend like you don't care and that you're not upset. I know you, and I can see through what you're doing. Avoiding eye contact. Rolling your eyes at Jill last night and today. The icy stare."

Olivia pulled away from Alex's hold on her arm.

"Alex, you made your choice when you left for Albany, and I have accepted that and moved on," Olivia said. "So whatever you _think_ you know about me, I can assure you that you're wrong."

Alex chuckled to herself. _Yeah, when I left you. Dammit, Alex, just tell her. Tell her you came back and she didn't. This is her fault, not yours._

"Fine," Alex said. "I misread the situation. It won't happen again."

Olivia swallowed, feeling guilty for her harsh words toward Alex, but she turned and left. _Maybe too much time had passed for them._

#

"I finally claw my way out of Appeals, and you guys bring me this cluster," Alex said when the detectives and Dr. Huang suggested a sting operation involving their child victim.

Alex didn't like it, but she knew it was for the greater good. She agreed to it against her better judgment.

"I want the mother's consent...in _writing_...with _witnesses_ ," Alex said before leaving. There was no way she was going to get hung out to dry on this, as much as she trusted the SVU detectives. She learned that much in her time away from SVU.

If only things had went as planned.

"You called this clown show an undercover operation?" Alex yelled when she arrived at the scene after Corey's mother Eva stabbed her husband. "You promised me there would be no injuries."

"We've got it under control," Elliot said, trying to calm Alex down.

"Not until you get the wildcard out of here," Alex said. She turned back to look at Olivia who was standing with Eva. "Arrest her."

Olivia couldn't believe her ears. Alex wanted to arrest Eva after what she had been through, at their request? Their exchange got heated as Alex claimed she couldn't ignore the assault with a deadly weapon when it happened on video in front of three detectives.

"Please don't do this," Olivia begged. Alex ignored her pleas, walked away from Olivia and snapped at Elliot.

"Book her."

The argument continued back at the precinct.

"Eva stabbed her husband _right_ in front of you," Alex said.

"We asked her to go through hell, and she snapped," Olivia replied, passionately. "Just give her a desk appearance ticket so she can at least stay with her son and face her charges in six months."

Alex finally agreed after Dr. Huang convinced her it would do more damage to Corey to be without his mother. But it was apparent, the way Alex wanted to do her job, they way she should be doing her job, didn't work with SVU and the headbutting was only going to get worse.

Before Alex left the squad room that night, Olivia pulled her aside.

"What is going on with you?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" Alex said.

"The hell you don't," Olivia said. "Since you've been back in SVU you've been busting our balls."

"I've been doing my job the way I should have done it the first time I was here," Alex said. "Your squad can't keep playing fast and loose with the rules and expect me or whoever your ADA is to keep saving you. You and Elliot need to grow up."

"Excuse me?" Olivia said.

"Olivia, the law is black and white," Alex said. "Not this clusterfuck of gray SVU brings me every day."

Olivia just shook her head. She didn't recognize the person speaking to her right now. The old Alex Cabot would have never tried to arrest Eva after what they put her through. In fact, she would have fought Liz and the DA tooth and nail to see that she didn't have to.

"Is this about my work or is this about us? Or specifically, Jill?" Alex asked.

"What?" Olivia said.

"You're jealous," Alex said. "Sure, you denied it earlier, but that was bullshit, and you know it."

Olivia moved closer to Alex to make sure no one else could hear them. She was a mere few inches from her face.

" _This_ isn't about Jill, or us," Olivia said. "This is about justice. But you're right, I was jealous. Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear? That I still love you and regret letting you walk out on me?"

Alex took a deep breath. _Did Olivia say she still loved her?_ That was not what she expected to hear. _JUST tell her, Alex!_

"Of course, I'm not happy," Alex said. "Do you think this is what I wanted for us? But yet, here we are, and there isn't much we can do about it now, huh?"

The stares continued. When Olivia licked her lips, Alex swallowed in anticipation. Olivia was going to kiss her.

But she didn't.

Instead, Olivia broke the eye contact and stepped away.

Yeah, I guess there isn't anything we can do about it," she said. Her voice was resigned. Her heart was breaking all over again, and the sadness in her tone crushed Alex.

Alex wanted to say something. She wanted to hug Olivia. To kiss her. But she couldn't. As much as she tried not to be, her heart was still broken. But she wasn't going to give Olivia the satisfaction of knowing that. And the head butting at SVU just made things worse. She didn't know most days whether she wanted to strangle Olivia or push her up against the wall and kiss her.

Alex looked at Olivia one last time before turning to leave. She had an office full of work that needed to be done, and that's what she planned to do - ork until she forgot about Olivia once and for all.


	48. Turmoil

A/N: A little housekeeping - I AM getting reviews in my email, but for some reason, they aren't showing up. A few people have asked why their reviews aren't posting. There hasn't been any show up since Ch. 44. I don't know why. They're not in moderation. It's probably a bug.

Yes, it will take some time to move through this story, but the days of multiple updates are probably going to be far and few in between now that I'm back in the real world and not on vacation. But I'll do my best to churn at least something out daily (and maybe more on some days). I think I've been really good about updating. - More notes below.

Also, this may be a little rough as I didn't have much time for editing before my computer died...and some of you guys are begging for an update. :)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: TURMOIL**

The day Elliot's son went missing the tension between Alex and the rest of SVU went from bad to worse. Of course, it didn't help that Alex was being investigated by the State Bar for allegations of withholding evidence - a Brady Violation. She wasn't withholding anything, and she didn't believe her detectives were either, but when Sonya Paxton showed up and reminded her to cover her ass and told her that Benson and Stabler were only loyal to each other, Alex had to admit - she wondered if she was wrong about them.

"You're telling me not to trust them?" Alex asked.

"No, I'm telling you to do your job," Sonya said. "And watch your ass."

Alex sighed as Sonya walked off. She knew Sonya was right. She hated to admit it, but she did need to look out for herself. Olivia and Elliot certainly weren't. She couldn't even count on them to help her figure out what was going on because they were too distracted by working a personal investigation into Elliot's son and Shane Newsome's disappearance. Shane still hadn't turned up.

Whatever trust she had established with SVU in the past was slipping away quickly.

Over in the squad room, Nikki Sherman showed up in tears.

"You promised! You said that if I pressed charges, I would get justice," Nikki said, yelling at Olivia and Elliot.

"What happened?" Olivia asked.

"Ms. Cabot talked to my dad about the photo," Nikki said. "And - and then she dropped the charges against Sam Baylor."

"What? No - no," Olivia said.

She took Nikki home from the precinct that afternoon, listening to her cry all the way home. Olivia couldn't believe the lengths Alex was going to save her own ass, especially when they did nothing wrong. They had the truth on their side. It was right then that Olivia realized her Alex, the Alex she loved more than life itself, was gone. The Alex that came back from Albany was someone else entirely different - someone she didn't recognize or possibly even like.

#

Shane finally turned up. Unfortunately, it was his dead body in an alley. They were too late.

"You shouldn't be here!" Alex screamed approaching the scene.

She had called SVU to let them know she was dropping the charges against Sam Baylor and found out that Olivia and Elliot were at the crime scene where Shane's body turned up. She couldn't believe after all of her warnings, of talking to suspects without a lawyer, of ignoring her pleads for help, they were there - the last place they needed to be.

Olivia was done. Alex had apparently called 1PP on SVU and got Cragen suspected. Dropping charges against Sam Baylor had been the final straw for her, and now she was going to let Alex know about it. How dare she have to nerve to show up screaming at Elliot as he looked at the dead body of his son's best friend.

"Hey, you know, if you want a badge, you come to me, not Cragen," Elliot said.

"I did not call 1PP, and if he was doing his job, he would have kept you on a leash," Alex said back.

Elliot and Olivia snapped their heads around. _Did she really just fucking say that?_

"You're so busy telling us how to do our jobs, you forgot to do your own," Olivia said. She was loyal to her partner, and right now, he deserved it more than Alex did.

"You talked to Nikki Sherman?" Alex asked.

"Damn right," Olivia said. She took a deep breath before she said the next part. _This was it. This was the end._ "I put in a formal request for a new ADA."

"On what grounds?" Alex snapped. _Did Olivia really just say that? That can't be right._

"Professional ethics," Olivia said. "You sacrificed a rape victim to save your own ass."

Olivia walked away to join Elliot. Elliot looked back at Alex. He was pissed at Alex, and thought she was out of line, but he knew what Olivia had done and said, had to break his partner's heart.

Elliot turned back around before Alex turned to them - both of their backs were to her. _Sonya was right. Or maybe she wasn't. Maybe Olivia was right. Maybe she did sacrifice a rape victim to save herself._ Either way, any conscious or subconscious hope she had of fixing things with Olivia was gone.

#

When Olivia got the message the next morning from Munch go to the tombs to re-interview Douglas about where he got Shane's cell phone, she was shocked to see Alex there.

"After you." That was all Alex said to her. Olivia rolled her eyes and headed to where Douglas was. She was glad Alex arranged the interview, but Alex was the last person she wanted to see, and it was clear she was the last person Alex wanted to see. The tension between them was palpable, and Olivia didn't really understand why Alex was even bothering now.

They got Harold for Shane's murder and now Olivia was on a mission to get everything she needed to put Nikki's rapist in prison, too. But when she arrived to check on Nikki, she found her unconscious - overdosed on prescription pills. She lived, thanks to CPR by Olivia, but Olivia was still angry. She was angry Shane was dead. She was angry Nikki tried to take her own life. She was angry that Alex had tried to hinder them every step of the way, and she blamed her.

#

After leaving Nikki at the hospital that evening, Olivia went straight to Alex's apartment. She didn't even ask to be buzzed up, she just flashed her badge at the doorman, something she had never done before unless it was official police business. In her mind though, this was. Alex was responsible for Nikki. Shane was on them, but not Nikki.

She banged on Alex's door. No answer. So she banged louder.

"Jesus! I'm coming," Alex said when she swung the door open. She had just got out of the shower. She was dressed, but her body and hair were still dripping wet.

When she saw Olivia, she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What do you want?" Alex said, not moving from the doorway to let Olivia in. "I've had a pretty bad day, so if you're here to yell at me more, I think I'll take a raincheck."

Alex didn't know about Nikki's suicide attempt yet. Nikki's father made it clear he blamed Ms. Cabot for the attempt and that she was the last person he wanted to see at the hospital.

"I'm just here to let you know that Nikki Sherman is alive," Olivia said. "No thanks to you."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked. She finally moved from the door for Olivia to come in. Her neighbors surely didn't need to hear whatever conversation they were about to have.

"Nikki tried to kill herself tonight," Olivia said flatly. "I went to check on her and found her unconscious."

Alex swallow then took a deep breath as the room began to spin. She moved back to the living room to sit on the couch.

"Where is she?" Alex asked.

"Bellevue," Olivia said. She saw Alex start to get up. "Alex, no. Her father, uh, well, it would be better if she didn't have visitors."

Olivia was angry, and she wanted to blame Alex. She really did. That was why she was her. But she knew she couldn't, and she certainly couldn't tell Alex that Nikki's father blamed her. She saw what the guilt of Sam Cavanaugh did to Alex and didn't want her to put her through that again.

"He blames me," Alex said, looking away from Olivia.

"He blames Sam Baylor," Olivia said. It was also a true statement, even if he did blame Alex, too.

"You blame me," Alex said, looking back toward Olivia.

Olivia looked down. She did want to blame Alex. She couldn't say she didn't blame her, but she couldn't say that she did either.

"Alex, I don't blame you," Olivia finally said. "You were doing your job."

"Oh, I was? Because if I remember correctly, you said I wasn't doing my job," Alex said, bitterly. "Remember? I sacrificed a rape victim to save my own ass. Isn't that why you put in a request for a new ADA?"

Olivia looked up at Alex. She saw the hurt and pain in her eyes. She hadn't actually submitted the paperwork yet, despite what she told Alex. She had filled it out, and had planned to submit it, but it was still on her desk.

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"No, you're right," Alex said. "We can't keep doing this. I'm apparently no longer a good fit for SVU."

"I just don't understand you, Alex," Olivia said. "None of us do. It's like you're a different person."

"People change," Alex said. The tension in the room was as high as it was again when Olivia arrived. They were both sitting by each other on the couch, glaring, and not even attempting to hide their contempt for the other. "I mean, how do you think I felt when I found out the State Bar was in town investigating me and the squad that I trust and depend on was too busy trying to find Elliot's son, rather than helping me find a re-cant statement?"

"It was Elliot's son, Alex," Olivia said. "You can't seriously expect that we would ignore that."

"I don't expect you to ignore it, but I expect you to do your jobs, and I expect you to have my back and let the appropriate unit to search for Dickie," Alex said. "But I guess Sonya Paxton was right - your loyalties are only to each other. Not me."

"That's bullshit, and you know," Olivia said. She was fuming. "I mean, after everything, after us, you have to nerve to think we would sell you out?"

"What am I supposed to think? My career was in jeopardy!" Alex said. "And all I got was a 3 am wake up call hours after you found damaging evidence to the prosecution."

Olivia laid her head back on the couch. She was tired of this fight. She also knew that they were both in the wrong...and they were both right.

"You're right," Olivia finally said. "We should have supported you better."

Alex finally relaxed and leaned back as well, echoing Olivia's body language. She was tired, too.

"And I should have trusted you all more," Alex said.

They sat in silence, heads tilted back on top of the couch and hands to their side. Their hands and pinky fingers were a mere centimeters away from each other. The nervousness and awkwardness only grew until their hands grazed each other.

Olivia stopped breathing at the touch. Alex's hands, even just the small amount of skin she was touching, was so soft, just like she remembered.

Alex clenched her jaw. She wanted to cry. She wanted Olivia's touch so much. She wanted to feel her hands on her stomach, her back, her breast. Any sudden movement and Alex was certain she would not be able to control herself. But she was stubborn. She couldn't tell Olivia that. _Could she?_

Finally, the both turned at the same time, suddenly and to the other's surprise.

"Alex."

"Olivia."

They're hands touched fully as they stared at each other in ways they hadn't in so long. Alex couldn't take it anymore. She lunged forward, hands on Olivia's face, and pressed their lips together.

They were hungry. Hands were moving. Tongues were pushing each other. They looked like two horny teenagers on a couch that only had a short time before their parents would return. That's how they felt, too. Neither of them knew how long this would last. There were so many things they hadn't talked about; so many issues to work through, but they couldn't stop.

Alex pulled Olivia to the bedroom. She wasn't rushed, but she wanted Olivia and immediately took control. Her lips on Olivia's neck. Her hands on Olivia's hips. Olivia's olive skin was hot to the touch and sweaty. The more Alex touched Olivia, the more it turned Alex on. Olivia's body still responded so well to her. Each touch brought familiar movement and familiar noises. Olivia's body writhed beneath her, twisting and squirming at every touch, but begging for more.

Olivia didn't even fight Alex for control or struggle with her. She let Alex do everything she wanted to do to her until the moment of ecstasy, yelling Alex's name the same way she always had - the first of many screams both women made that night.

The next morning, Olivia woke in the bed alone. She never slept later than Alex in the past, so she was unsure of where the blonde was. She pulled on an old t-shirt and pair of shorts of Alex's and walked to the dining room where she found Alex sitting with a cup of coffee, staring out the window overlooking the city.

"You're awake," Alex said, looking up to see Olivia joining her at the table.

"You're up earlier than I remember," Olivia said softly.

"I guess it's part of the new Alexandra Cabot - always awake and always working," Alex said. "I was just looking over witness statements on Nikki's case, trying to figure out what I missed."

"What we missed," Olivia said, correcting her.

"Did you mean it?" Alex asked.

"Mean what?" Olivia said. "Alex, you should know I was wrong about asking for a new ADA...and I haven't submitted the paperwork."

"No, that's not it," Alex said. "I knew that anyway. I asked my boss, and she didn't know anything about it."

"Oh," Olivia said. She didn't know what Alex was talking about.

"You said you still loved me," Alex said. "A few weeks ago, when we were fighting about -"

"I remember," Olivia said. She looked down. Both of them were shaking with nerves. "I, I, uh, I mean, ..."

"Wait, don't tell me," Alex said. "Not yet, anyway."

"I don't understand," Olivia said. "You just asked -"

"I know I asked, but I shouldn't have. It's not fair," Alex said. "It's not fair because I can't. We can't. Not now, anyway."

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"Olivia, last night we were at each other's throats, and have been for weeks," Alex said. "We obviously have a lot of unresolved issues, and last night was -"

"I don't regret last night," Olivia said, cutting Alex off.

"I don't regret it either, Liv," Alex said. "That wasn't what I was going to say. Last night was great, but come on, that was us getting out this unresolved sexual tension that has been building since I returned to SVU. You can't deny that. I mean, we didn't even talk about."

Olivia nodded. "So, what are you saying? What are we supposed to do?"

"Be friends," Alex said.

"Friends? Are you seriously friend-zoning me after we slept together?" Olivia said. She was partly joking, partly serious. Alex laughed.

"No, that's not what this is," Alex said. "But, in the past, we were friends. Best friends. Yes, we were lovers, but before that, we were friends, and we managed to keep that through our relationship. Right now, I don't even know what we are."

"So friends," Olivia said.

"Yes, friends...who don't sleep together," Alex said with a smirk.

Olivia grinned and said, "Well, I mean, we could have rules..."

"Yeah, that was 10 years ago and didn't work out so well for us," Alex said. She smiled thinking about their early relationship. They were so afraid of admitting their feelings for each other - a lot like right now. "We're not kids anymore, Liv."

"I know," Olivia said. "I was joking. And yes, I think I'd like to be your friend again before anything else."

"Just to be clear, though, we have to really be friends," Alex said. "That means no jealousy. No lover's quarrels in the squad room. We have to be free to date other people."

Olivia swallowed. Alex was right. If they were going to be friends, they had to truly treat each other like friends and not lovers.

"Don't worry, I'm not running off to date Jill," Alex said. "I know hiding our jealousy isn't either of our strong suits, so we can be respectful of each other in that regard."

"Okay. Friends it is," Olivia said. "On that note, I'm going to collect my clothes and go home for a shower rather than suggest we take one together."

Alex glared at Olivia. She knew all of Alex's weaknesses.

"Okay, one shower and then you go, and we go back to being friends," Alex said.

Olivia smiled and pulled Alex up. She gave her a chaste kiss on the lips before leading the blonde to the shower.

* * *

A/N 2: Yes, friends. For now. But don't worry, the tension will still be there. "Perverted" comes next (where Olivia gets arrested, and a 'friend' pays for Trevor to be her lawyer). I did decide to do the Congo, but we'll move through it quickly and get to Elliot leaving, Alex returning, and of course Noah. I need the Congo for my planned story, though.

Thanks for reviewing. Keep them coming, even if they aren't showing up. If anyone really cares, I can post the latest ones at the bottom of the next chapter, so you can see what everyone else had to say. Just let me know and if people want it, I'll do it.


	49. Perverted

A/N: Not quite as angsty as the last few chapters. Just moving the story along. Thanks for reading. I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter so much. Thanks for the reviews. They were great.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: PERVERTED**

"Liv, you're sick," Alex said. "There is no way you're going to work later today, and probably tomorrow, either."

Olivia rolled her eyes at her _friend._ She had called Alex early Monday morning to ask her to drop off some flu medicine because she was sick.

"I'm am tying up the deal with Sam Baylor today and am supposed to leave by lunch to go to Albany for a stupid training the rest of the week," Alex continued, ignoring Olivia's eye roll. "I swear, if I never see Albany again, it will be too soon."

"At least it isn't more Appeals training," Olivia said, eliciting an eye glare from Alex.

"I'm serious," Alex said. "No work. Are you sure you don't want me to reschedule my training, so you at least have someone here taking care of you?"

"Alex, I'm fine," Olivia whined. "Besides, a _friend_ wouldn't make that offer. Go. Get this over with. I'll call Elliot if I need anything."

"Okay, just please get some rest," Alex said. Olivia was right. If they were going to be _just friends_ , they needed to have some boundaries. Elliot could take care of Olivia if she needed it.

Alex picked up travel brochures on the counter before she headed out.

"Going somewhere?" she asked.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I was thinking of taking a vacation."

"Olivia Benson taking a vacation?" Alex said, looking over the top of her glasses. "I never thought I'd see that day."

"You could go with me," Olivia said, smirking.

"No, I can't," Alex said. "For two reasons: one - I have way too much work on my plate right now; two - we're just friends."

"Friends go on vacations together," Olivia said matter of factly.

"Not friends who sharing a shower together just 48 hours ago," Alex said. "Besides, these places look like there would be a lot of bikinis involved. There is no way either of us could resist that temptation."

Olivia laughed, even though it hurt to laugh.

"Keeping track of how long it's been already, Counselor?" Olivia said.

"Liv..." Alex warned, trying her best not to smile.

"Okay, I'll behave, but only because I feel like crap," Olivia said. "Maybe I'll invite your friend Jill."

Alex picked up chair pillow and threw it at Olivia.

"Hey! I'm sick, and you're the one that said no jealousy," Olivia said.

"Yeah, well, Jill is off limits...for both of us," Alex said. "As is that skank Jessica, Becca's old roommate."

"No worries there," Olivia said. "I haven't even seen her since, well, Becca moved out a couple of years ago."

"Good," Alex said, smiling. "Now, I have to go hand Sam Baylor's ass to him, so my SVU detectives will be happy with me again."

#

By Wednesday, Olivia's sickness hadn't gotten much better. Of course, being arrested for murder didn't help. She found herself sick and sitting in central booking when Trevor Langan showed up.

"I always thought it would be your partner I found in here someday," Trevor said.

"Keep walking, Langan," Olivia said, rolling her eyes at him. "I wouldn't want to keep you from one of your skel clients."

"That skel client would be you," Trevor said. He smirked at her surprise.

"Even if I wanted your representation, trust me, I can't afford it," Olivia said, rolling her eyes again.

"My retainer has already been paid," he said.

"By who?" she asked. None of her friends had that kind of money, except...

"Concerned friends," he said.

Olivia shook her head. _Friends, my ass._

#

Alex returned from Albany on Friday and invited Olivia over for a friendly dinner. She also wanted all the details of Olivia's week - it wasn't every day that one of your friends was arrested for murder. At least the charges were dropped after SVU was able to prove she was framed - even if it was a damn good frame job.

Olivia was quiet during most of dinner. She knew Alex had paid Trevor's retainer. While she appreciated it - Trevor was a good lawyer as much as he annoyed her - she still wasn't comfortable with Alex doing it.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," Olivia said. "I would have been fine."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alex said, looking directly at Olivia.

"Trevor Langan?" Olivia said. "You're telling me you weren't the _concerned friend_ who paid his retainer?"

"Even if I was, and I'm not saying that I was, it seems like a 'thank you' to your concerned friend would be more in order than asking why they did it," Alex said.

"Thank you," Olivia said.

"I never said I paid it," Alex said. "Besides, I was in Albany all week, how would I have known what was going on?"

"Because I'm sure Elliot called you as soon as I was arrested," Olivia said.

Alex smiled. "He did. He was concerned. I was, too. This guy set you up good."

"You don't have to tell me," Olivia said. "Now, back to why you paid Trevor's retainer for me."

"Liv..." Alex said. "Why does it even matter if it was me? Elliot put up his house to pay your bail."

"That's different," Olivia said. "He didn't put out any cash, and he knew I was innocent so the lien would come off his house."

"Trevor is a good attorney, as despicable as his clients are," Alex said. "I was not to let you take a risk with your union rep or a public defender."

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"Don't, Liv," Alex said. "I know we're just being friends, and honestly, my feelings for you had no bearing on this. You were innocent, and you needed help. I was in a position to help."

Olivia sighed and smiled softly.

"Besides, my mother insisted when I told her," Alex said.

"You told your mother I was arrested for murder?!" Olivia said.

"Yes! Do you have any idea how panicked I was?" Alex said. "I didn't know who else to call. So I called her, and she calmed me down and insisted I call Trevor. Also, don't stress over the retainer. Trevor called today and said it was on the house. Apparently, covering up my father's affair and secret child all these years, and insisting you didn't tell me, made his heart grow a few sizes. He said he 'owed us'."

Olivia snorted. "Yeah, if only that was enough. I guess it's a start, though."

"Yeah, it was," Alex said. "And so was this. Dinner as friends was nice."

"Yeah, it was," Olivia said, cocking her head to the and giving Alex a smile. "And Alex, thank you."

Alex nodded.

 _Friends_. They could do this, right?


	50. Witness

A/N: Funny things happen when you notice the date cards SVU displays before some scenes. In this case, did you realize Olivia and Alex's dinner date, where they talked about the Congo over drinks, in the cute little purple shirts, happened just 3 days before Valentine's Day? I never noticed that before. Until today. Hmmm. Coincidence? I don't think so. Avoiding the weekend rush? More likely :)

This one is long (almost, 5,000 words - took me a little longer to post, but I made it up to you in length). And you may need tissues (for tears, get your head out of the gutter). This. Drained. Me. Seriously, I nearly cried no less than twice writing it.

Reviews are still not showing up. Sorry. I have a support ticket in, though.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: WITNESS**

 **Sunday, February 7**

 _Three months._ It had been exactly three months since Alex and Olivia had slept together.

Three months since deciding they were just going to be friends.

Three months of slowly allowing the sexual innuendos and tension to fade just enough that it wasn't a constant struggle for them not to rip the other's clothes off.

Three months of an honest-to-goodness friendship...and they were both grateful.

They were still spending time together, but it was less awkward and with more boundaries. They went shopping together. They had lunches together. Occasionally dinner. Pedicures. Running. All the stuff that _friends_ did. And they were happy.

Of course, they still had feelings for each other. Olivia would always love Alex. If she had to settle for being her friend, then she would. After all, she's the one who screwed up and made Alex think she had no choice but to leave. But in the back of her mind, she knew, or at least hoped, that for her - Alex was endgame.

As for Alex, she still loved Olivia but still wanted to fight it. That part of her that closed herself off was still there - still fighting the part of her that knew she would always love Olivia. At first, she was hurt, coming back to find Olivia gone so soon. That's why she never told Olivia she came back. She didn't want to expose that wound to Olivia - to show her the hurt she had caused - and give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

But eventually, she saw just how devastated Olivia had been by Alex leaving. She saw how much Olivia still loved her. She thought of telling her, but now, she couldn't bare letting Olivia carry the burden of knowing that she came back...that had Olivia waited a few more hours, things would have been so different.

Three months with no slips. No major fights. Not even any jealousy. Three months and Olivia and Alex could actually say they were friends - good friend - again.

They were in the middle of a rape case with a missing witness. He was a _he said, she said_ case, and with their victim not being the most credible, they especially needed that witness - Nardalee.

Sunday afternoon, Olivia and Alex had gone to lunch, did a little shopping, and spent a lot of time talking about the case.

Not considering what the week ahead of them was, Olivia finally decided to take a step forward for them.

"Depending on this case, do you want to grab dinner next weekend? There's a new pub that I've wanted to try out," Olivia said. "And before you ask, no, it's not full of cops. It actually looks nice and quiet."

Dinner. It wasn't a big deal for two friends to have dinner.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Alex said. "I guess we can figure out the details this week."

#

 **Tuesday, February 9**

"Hey, El, have you tried that new pub up on 7th Ave yet? Drogan's is the name," Olivia asked Elliot on Tuesday morning. She knew dinner with Alex shouldn't be a big deal. They really were focused on being friends again, but Olivia was ready to explore moving them into more than friends again. She was not going to lose Alex again if she could help it.

"No, but one of Kathy's friends had a date there the other night," Elliot said. "Said it was nice for a pub. Why?"

"Oh, I think Alex and I were going to try it this weekend if we catch some kind of break on this case," Olivia said. She didn't look up from her desk when she said it. Elliot knew Olivia and Alex were doing the friend thing. He didn't know about them sleeping together, but he was happy they at least weren't fighting constantly.

Had she bothered to look up, she would have seen the look of confusion and amusement on his face.

"So, you and Cabot are finally trying it again, huh?" Elliot said. "Good. Just don't screw it up this time."

Olivia snapped her head up and gave him a weird look. "What? Why would you assume that? It's just dinner, Elliot. And we're just friends."

Elliot lowered his head and looked up at her. "Just friend, huh? You take all of your friends to nice, new restaurants on Valentine's Day?"

Olivia cocked her head and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Elliot laughed as he saw the sudden realization on her face. _Shit! What have I done?_

"You forgot, didn't you?" he said, laughing and narrowing his eyes on her. "You really have been single too long. Boy, Kathy would never let me forget. I start getting reminders a month ahead of time."

"Yeah, I guess I wasn't thinking about it when I suggested it," Olivia said. "I should probably reschedule."

"Why? She agreed didn't she?" Elliot said. "Maybe she wants it to be a date, too."

"I doubt she realized it either. We just talked about it in passing on Sunday," Olivia said. "Wait, why did you say 'maybe she wants it to be a date, _TOO'?_ Who said I wanted it to be a date?"

"You don't?" he asked, smirking at her.

Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes. "I - I don't know." _YES, of course, I do! But I'm not telling you that._

"Well, do what you want then," Elliot said. "I mean, I think it's great you all are friends again. You're great friends once you get past the ripping each other's heads off and stuff. But, you and I both know you and Alex are better at being more than friends."

"If we were _better_ at it, then we wouldn't be in the situation we are right now, would we?" Olivia said. She wanted to believe her partner, but she had to admit, she was afraid. Going to dinner with Alex, and slowly pushing the topic was one thing. Going on a Valentine's Day date was another - almost a level of commitment that she was sure Alex wasn't ready for.

Munch and Fin were supposed to be on-call that weekend, seeing as how they didn't have any significant others. However, when Olivia asked to switch with Fin, he jumped at the chance. At least then she would have a good excuse for moving her date, no, dinner, with Alex.

"Just do me a favor," she asked Fin. "If anyone asks, you asked me to switch with you."

"No problem," he said. "Avoiding Valentine's Day with some creep?"

Olivia smiled and laughed. "Not exactly. Let's just say I'm avoiding an awkward situation."

Fin nodded. He didn't know what Olivia meant, but he hoped she wasn't ditching Cabot in favor of work. He'd never say that to her. Olivia's business was her business, and everyone else around the squad room, especially Elliot and Munch, liked to give too many opinions.

Olivia grabbed her cell phone and headed up to the crib for some privacy to call Alex.

"Cabot."

"Hey, Alex, it's just me," Olivia said.

"Oh, Hi," Alex said.

She smiled when she heard Olivia's voice. Aside from the case, Alex had barely been able to get Olivia off her mind since Sunday when the brunette asked her to dinner - on Valentine's Day weekend, no less. Alex wasn't exactly ready, but she was impressed to see Olivia making such a bold move, and was more than willing to go along for the ride.

"Hey, it ends up I have to catch this weekend after all," Olivia said. "Fin had some family stuff happening and needed me to switch, so I did. We'll have to reschedule dinner."

"Oh," Alex said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Maybe during the week will be better," Olivia said. "Thursday night?"

"Uh, yeah, that should be fine," Alex said, bringing out her professional voice again to disguise her hurt. _Why am I disappointed by this? We're just friends. She probably realized her error and called to change plans._

"Okay, I'll pick you up at 7 pm then," Olivia said. "Well, unless our ADA busts our ass and I have to pull overtime."

"Well, if she were a good ADA, she would bust your ass, but I have it on good authority she lets you all walk all over her," Alex said, teasing her.

Olivia laughed. "I'll talk to you later, Counselor. We're heading back out to try and find our witness."

#

 **Thursday, February 11**

The SVU detectives finally found their witness Nardalee, but after Alex had talked to her, convincing her to testify before the grand jury, she was a mess. Usually, she would go home, have a glass of wine, and forget about it. But this time, she couldn't. Nardalee got to her, telling her about the horrors of rape in the Congo. Alex didn't know what it was about Nardalee, but for the first time in a long time, she started to feel like her old self.

Of course, tonight was her date, no, dinner, with Olivia. Had it been anyone else, she would have blown it off. But not with Olivia. She wanted to see her. And she also knew Olivia would understand what she was feeling about Nardalee.

Olivia picked Alex up at 7 pm. Typically, in their _friendship_ , she would send Alex a quick text to let her know to meet her downstairs. Finding parking was a bitch. But tonight, Olivia wanted it to be different. Sure, she had chickened out on a Valentine's Day date, but that didn't mean she couldn't begin the process of trying to move them out of friendship and back into something more.

She was lucky enough to find an open guest spot in Alex's building parking and headed upstairs to pick Alex up. The doorman knew her by name by now, so no longer called to get permission to let her come up.

"Liv, you didn't have to come all the way up here," Alex said when she opened the door.

Olivia flashed her a smile and pulled out a bouquet of flowers and watched Alex smile before giving her a confused look.

"I heard from Cragen that you had a pretty rough afternoon with Nardalee," Olivia said. "So, I was hoping these would help, and I didn't want them to wilt in the car."

Alex smiled at the thoughtful gesture. "Thank you, Liv. That was sweet of you," Alex said. "Let me just grab my purse and I'm ready."

Both women were dressed nicely. Not fancy, just nice. Not that they weren't usually, but when they weren't dressed in work clothes, they were usually dressed a bit more casually when they hung out.

Their outfits tonight were nearly matching, though - both in purple. They couldn't have planned it better if they tried.

They spent much of their dinner and drinks talking about Nardalee and the Congo. Both women were outraged at the systematic rapes that were allowed to happen. Neither of them could imagine the horrors that Nardalee and other women from the Congo had experienced.

Olivia sat listening to Alex talk about it, smiling at how passionate the blonde was becoming the more she talked. Olivia missed that part of Alex and had rarely seen that side of her since they broke up. She watched Alex chew and suck on her straw, twirling it in her hand - a habit she used to tease the blonde about when they were dating. Alex never liked it when Olivia called it cute, but to Olivia, it was one of the cutest things she had seen. Alexandra Cabot. ADA. Harvard grad. Afraid of no one. Sitting here twirling a straw like a child.

Of course, since they broke up, and even since they started to work on their friendship, she hadn't mentioned it when Alex did it, not that it was all that often anymore. Alex generally did it when she was on a roll, talkative, and feeling passionate. All things Olivia hadn't seen too much in Alex in a long time.

"What?" Alex finally said, noticing the goofy grin on Olivia's face.

"What?" Olivia said. She had no idea what Alex was talking about. Of course, Alex could have been admitting to murdering someone and Olivia wouldn't have heard it. Every bit of her focus was on Alex's lips, eyes, and face - thinking about how much she still was in love with Alex.

"You have had a grin on your face for the past five minutes and haven't said a word," Alex said. "I hardly think rape in the Congo is something to smile about." Alex wasn't mad. She was giving Olivia the smirky, cocky look that she usually reserved for perps when she knew she had them cornered.

"Oh, no, it's not," Olivia said. _Shit. Busted._ "I uh, I was just distracted."

"By..." Alex said, suddenly curious what had turned Olivia into mush.

Olivia laughed. "Your straw. You were doing that thing with your straw," she said. "And I know how much you hate it, but it's still cute."

Alex smiled, but rolled her eyes for Olivia to see, and shook her head before taking another drink. "It's not cute," she said.

"That's just because you don't see it from my angle," Olivia said.

Alex blushed and looked down, running her hand through her long hair. _God, I miss this._

They sat quietly and finished their meals, engaging in chit-chat until it was time to leave.

Olivia drove Alex home, again parking, and walking her upstairs, despite Alex insisting she didn't need to do that. Alex knew how painful parking could be.

Alex put her key in the lock and turned to face Olivia before unlocking the door and going in. For the first time in a while, she was nervous around Olivia. She knew if she invited Olivia in, there would be no way to control her urges. And even as polite and respectful as Olivia had been, Alex doubted Olivia would be able to control herself either. The heat between them right now was something both of them were feeling.

Alex gazed down at Olivia's lips. _Don't do it._ She then looked back up into Olivia's dark chocolate eyes. How she loved the way Olivia looked at her, eyes filled with love, sincerity, and urge. Yes, Alex could see all of those things because she had seen them so many times before. She also knew her own eyes were filled with the same and probably glazed over.

It took several seconds for Alex to realize she hadn't been breathing.

"Tonight was nice, Liv," Alex said, finally mustering up the strength to speak. "Thank you."

Olivia nodded and smiled. "Yeah, it was," she said. "And, I'd like to do it again soon. I mean, if you want." _Good job, Benson. You made her clear of your intentions. Baby steps._

Alex couldn't speak. She just nodded. "I - uh - I have Grand Jury in the morning," she said. Olivia knew this meant Alex still had work to do - that she should leave. Of course, Olivia also knew that wasn't the only reason Alex wasn't inviting her in. She felt the heat, too.

"Of course," Olivia said. "Thanks for tonight."

Olivia wasn't sure what to do. Should she give her a goodnight kiss? _No. We're not there again, yet._ Kiss on the cheek? Hug? Olivia wasn't sure, but she moved forward.

Alex was having the same internal conversation, and moved forward at the same time as Olivia, catching them both off guard.

When they moved together, their hands grazed as they motioned them upward for the hug. They both stopped the movement, but it left their face, and more importantly, their lips, mere centimeters apart. They were frozen. Neither wanted to break the contact of their hands, and both wanting more.

Alex took a breath, and the slight movement caused Olivia to edge forward just enough for their lips to graze, both closing their eyes.

The kiss, if you would call it that, lasted just a couple of seconds, but felt like forever. Olivia saw Alex's pale skin flush when they both opened their eyes. There was no smile, but the look in their eyes said everything. It was a longing.

Olivia wanted this so bad. She knew that one kiss - one real kiss - and they would both be on Alex's apartment floor naked. She doubted they'd make it to the bed. But more than making love to Alex at that moment, Olivia wanted Alex - all of her. Not just for sex. Not just for friendship. She wanted everything. She wanted what they had before back. She even wanted more than that.

So Olivia took a small step back. She wanted to make sure than when they decided to be together again - and she had no doubt they would - that it wasn't out of need or sexual desire. She wanted it to be out of love, for both of them.

"I should - uh - go so you can - uh - prep for tomorrow," Olivia said, staggering out the words, her body regretting each and every one of them.

"Yeah," Alex whispered. She still could barely breathe. _How the hell did Olivia manage to stop what was about to happen?_ Not that Alex was complaining. Her body was, like Olivia's, but her heart was telling her the same thing Olivia was. If and when they came back together, Alex wanted it to be certain and because of love, not just desire.

Alex gave Olivia one last smile before turning back to her door, turning the key, and going into her apartment - alone.

When the door was shut and locked, Alex leaned back against it and sighed, not knowing Olivia was doing the same thing on the other side.

#

 **Monday, March 15**

It had been just over a month since Olivia and Alex's dinner than seemingly turned into a date. They hadn't talked about it, both deciding to take thing slow and see where they would go. They had spent time together, of course, even had dinners together. And things had been tense again, but not uncomfortable.

Of course, they hadn't seen each other as much as Olivia would have liked. Alex had completely thrown herself into not only the trial where Nardalee was her witness, but also was working hard to get Nardalee's U-VISA. If Alex wasn't in court, you could bet she was either working on something for Nardalee, or spending time with her.

Olivia didn't mind. It's not like her caseload had slowed down either. She liked seeing this side of Alex again, full of compassion and care for the victims. Nardalee really got to Alex, and Olivia was happy to see the fire in her again.

Yes, Oliva had noticed that Alex had been a little distant. She sometimes wondered if it was because of the kiss, that maybe she had moved too fast. So she didn't push anything too much. But, she was still making a point to show Alex how much she cared beyond their friendship. She would leave notes for her. Pick up dinner for her when she knew she was working late. All the things she would be doing if she were Alex's girlfriend - even if she wasn't.

Alex noticed them, too. She wasn't purposely trying to distance herself from Olivia, but she was inspired by Nardalee and her story. She felt that passion inside of her come alive, and she knew that she wanted to do more to help all the Nardalee's in the word.

After the jury had found the rapist guilty, Nardalee was overjoyed. She never thought she would see the day where she could help send a rapist to jail. Alex was overjoyed, too.

Nardalee went home and later that afternoon, Olivia stopped by the visit and let her know that her U-VISA had been processed. Olivia had hoped Alex could go with her to let her know, but she was nowhere to be found. Meetings. That was all her assistant told Olivia.

Olivia was surprised when Nardalee told her she planned to go back to the Congo to help other rape victims.

"Does Alex know about this?" Olivia asked. She thought it was noble of Nardalee, but she was concerned for her safety. She knew how dangerous the Congo was. Alex most certainly wouldn't have been okay with it, not without an impassioned argument against it.

"I told her. She understands," Nardalee said. "I was very touched by the sacrifice she is making."

Olivia shook her head. She didn't understand what Nardalee meant. "What sacrifice?"

"She did not tell you?" Nardalee asked. She was surprised because of the connection she had seen between the two women.

Olivia's eyes widened as Nardalee told her what Alex's plans were. Olivia immediate called Elliot and filled him in. He insisted on meeting her at the courthouse to find Alex and talk to her. He feared his partner's world was about to crash...again.

At the courthouse, Olivia and Elliot caught Alex on her way out and on her way to yet another meeting.

"Alex," Olivia said, seeing the blonde come down the steps. "Is it true?"

Alex took a breath. _Dammit. Nardalee told her before I could._ "I put in my papers. I'm taking a leave of absence."

"So you're abandoning us again?" Elliot said. He was smiling, but Alex understood the meaning behind his words. He was saying what Olivia was feeling.

"I'm taking a job with the International Criminal Court," Alex said. "I'm joining a newly formed task force. I'm going to be prosecuting crimes of sexual violence in areas of conflict."

"Wow. Nardalee really got to you," Olivia said. Her voice soft, and more understanding that Alex or Elliot expected. But Olivia did understand. She had seen the change in Alex. But it didn't mean it hurt any less.

"She inspired me," Alex said, tears forming in her eyes.

Olivia gave Alex an approving smile. It was all she could muster in the midst of her hurt, but she knew Alex needed it. Olivia needed Alex to know she understood.

Alex nodded, almost as a thank you to Olivia before walking away to her next meeting.

That night, Olivia wasn't surprised when Alex showed up at her apartment. She was half-expecting it, as well as hoping.

"Hi," Alex said when Olivia opened the door. Yet again, her Harvard education failed her, and the only word she could speak was 'hi'.

"Hi," Olivia said. She moved out of the way and motioned for Alex to come in. As Alex took a seat on the couch, Olivia poured them each a glass of wine.

"I owe you an explanation," Alex said when Olivia finally sat down and joined her.

Olivia nodded. Alex didn't owe her anything, but she couldn't deny her hurt, as much as she understood. She also couldn't deny her concern for Alex going into an area of conflict such as the Congo.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you, but things happened so fast," Alex said. "I knew when I got out of my meeting and found out you had gone to see Nardalee, that you were going to find out. I'm just glad you're not too angry with me."

"Alex, I'm not angry," Olivia said. "I mean, it was a bit of a surprise. How long have you been thinking of this?"

"About a month," Alex said.

"A month?" Olivia said. Now she was a bit more hurt. "Why didn't you say something? I mean, I know we haven't talked about - "

Alex cut her off. "That's why I didn't say anything," Alex said. "I wanted to be sure about this. I mean, when I first started looking at opportunities, I had thought it would be something in New York, or DC at the farthest, and that there would be very little travel involved."

"I would have understood and supported you," Olivia said.

"I know that, which is why I didn't tell you," Alex said. "I needed to figure this out on my own. I know you would have told me to go, and put aside your feelings - no, our feelings, and I had to be sure about this."

"It's dangerous, Alex," Olivia said.

"I know, but I won't be on my own," Alex said. "And I'll be based out of London when I'm not prosecuting a case."

Olivia nodded, but Alex could see tears forming.

"Liv, I'm sorry," Alex said.

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "And I know why you need to do this. I just thought..."

"You weren't wrong," Alex said. "But you have to believe me when I say that I'm not doing this because of us or to avoid us. I'm doing this because of me and for us. Because I need this. Because I need to be the Alexandra Cabot that you fell in love with. The Alexandra Cabot that I fell in love with. The Alexandra Cabot that gives a damn about more than my record and political aspirations.

"So, I'm not doing this because of us. I'm doing it for us."

Olivia nodded again, faster, this time, holding back her hears.

"Liv, I want this - us. I love you, and I never stopped," Alex said.

"Then why did you leave me, Alex?" Olivia said, tears falling. "I begged you to stay."

It was Alex's turn to cry. _Tell her, dammit. Tell her right now._ She couldn't tell Olivia she came back. Not right now. Not right before she left her again. She couldn't let Olivia carry that burden while she was in the Congo for the next year or so.

"I made the wrong decision," Alex said. "And right now, I'm not asking you for anything. I want you to live your life, Liv."

"Alex, you just told me you loved me," Olivia said. "How am I supposed to forget that?"

"I don't want you to forget it," Alex said. "Please, please, don't forget it, Liv. I will be back. But in the meantime, please, live your life. No matter what happens while I'm gone - we're always going to be friends. We've established that we can do that. And, when I get back, if things are right for us, then, it will happen. But I will not ask you to put your life on hold for me, and we can't start a relationship right as I'm moving half way across the world."

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"No, Liv," Alex said. "Please. I'm not saying to go out and sleep with every woman in New York. But, live your life. If you meet someone, and you like her, then ask her out. I can't be a roadblock to your happiness. If this - you and me - are meant to be, then it will happen."

"Will I at least be able to hear from you? Email? Skype?" Olivia asked.

Alex smiled. "Yes, when I'm in London, we'll make a point of it. I would like that a lot."

The two women finished their glass of wine.

"I should go," Alex said. "I have to pack my office up tomorrow and move everything to my apartment - which I'm keeping, by the way." She said it so that Olivia knew she really planned to come back.

Alex stood up to leave, and Olivia walked her to the door. Before Alex reached to open it, she turned around to give Olivia a goodbye hug. She didn't expect Olivia to be so close to her already, her hands nearly around Alex's waist when she got all the way around.

It was a familiar spot. One they had been in just a month prior, except this time, they were much closer, and a lot more of their cards had been put out on the table.

Once again, Alex's breath froze. The same heat was between them, the same look in their eyes. The same longing. Except this time, they weren't in a hallway. They were still inside Olivia's apartment.

"Liv..." Alex said pleading for something, but she didn't know whether it was to let her leave or to kiss her.

"I love you, too, Alex," Olivia said. Olivia hadn't said it earlier when Alex did, and Alex had noticed. It had scared her just a little.

No sooner were the words out of Olivia's mouth than she had pressed her lips to Alex's. This time, it wasn't a graze. Alex loved her and that was all that mattered right now. She kissed Alex. Passionately. Hard. Her tongue parting Alex's eager lips. Her hands taking hold of Alex's waist as they moved back against the door.

When she finally pulled away, she saw the daze in Alex's eyes. Alex wanted this as much as she did. She knew that from the way Alex kissed her back. But the look in Alex's eyes right now? Olivia knew that, too. Alex was pleading, begging. Olivia didn't know if it was for her to stop or continue. If she had to guess, she figured Alex didn't know either. That's why she moved her mouth near Alex's ear, just enough she could still see Alex's face from the side.

"Stay?" Olivia whispered.

Alex's mouth opened, but again, no words came out.

"I know you have to leave for the Congo, but tonight..tonight, please stay," Olivia said again, more certain and more desire coming from her tone.

Alex nodded slowly and then smiled. She turned toward Olivia and placed another kiss on her lips.

"Okay," she said. "Tonight, I'll stay."


	51. Congo - Part 1

A/N: Congo will only be 2 chapters. The next will be some conflict, followed by the transition of Elliot leaving/Alex returning, and how all that goes down. I _think_ at this moment, after we get through some Season 13 stuff, we'll break with seasons/timeline again. Season 14 likely won't even exist and Noah will come along a lot quicker than in canon.

Also, I'm likely skipping William Lewis because, as good as those episodes were, I can't bring myself to re-watch or re-live them. If there is anything, coming up, or even flashbacks, you want to see, let me know. I want to add in some stuff from their time apart (Sealview, etc...).

Oh, and Alex WILL eventually tell Olivia she came back that night. And we WILL find out what happened to the ring. Those chapters have been planned for a while :-)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONGO - PART 1**

Alex had been gone from New York for two months, and they had been the longest two months of her life. She was spending a lot more time in Africa, specifically, the Congo, than she anticipated. It seemed like as soon as one case was done being prosecuted, it was time to start another.

After a month of constant back and forth between the headquarters at The Hague in the Netherlands, the London office she was supposed to work out of, and Kinshasa, Congo, Alex was weary. She asked that her permanent residence be in the Congo and she would travel to The Hague only when necessary. Kinshasa was a large enough city that she could work from there as easy as London.

She looked forward to her weekly Skype dates with Olivia on Sundays. Internet was usually reliable enough when she was in Kinshasa for that. When it wasn't, they just used phones, but she still preferred to see Olivia's face. During the week, they would keep in touch via email when time allowed. All-in-all, so far, it hadn't been that difficult to be reminded of what was waiting on her when she came home.

"How's Melinda?" Alex asked Sunday when they Skyped. Melinda had been shot in the morgue earlier that week when she was taken hostage along with ADA Marlowe, Olivia, and the shooter's husband. Alex heard about the shooting and hostage situation through someone at the DA's office, as she hadn't heard from Olivia all week.

"Ah, word travels fast, even in the Congo," Olivia said. "She's lucky, but she will be okay."

"And you?" Alex asked. She wasn't exactly happy that she had to hear about Olivia being taken hostage days later from a former colleague.

"I'm fine, Alex," Olivia said. "I wasn't hurt."

"Well, I'm glad for that," Alex said. "I'd have just rather heard from you."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Olivia said. "If I had been hurt, you know that Elliot would have called you."

"I know, I just worry sometimes," Alex said.

Olivia laughed.

"What's so funny? I'm not allowed to worry about you?" Alex asked.

"No, it's just, you're literally in the rape capital of the word, and you're worried about me?" Olivia said.

"It's not that bad," Alex said. "I mean, it is that bad, but not where I am. I don't go out after dark. I always have an escort. You know, all the rules they insist us women folk follow."

"Yeah, well, there are reasons for that," Olivia said. She paused for a moment and gave Alex a sad smile. "I miss you."

Alex sighed. "I miss you, too, Liv," she said. "But don't start that because it's only been two months. We have to survive this somehow."

"Alright, alright," Olivia said.

#

The next few months were pretty uneventful, and the conversation was fairly normal. They avoided talking about "them" because they didn't want to make it any harder. But in both of their minds, they couldn't wait until Alex returned and they could be together.

In Mid-October, Alex began to notice a change. Olivia had temporary custody of Calvin Arliss while his mother was off doing God knows what. Her time for Alex was a bit more limited, and she preferred phone calls to Skyping now that Calvin was in the house.

Calvin wasn't a stranger to two women dating after all his mother had been involved with a woman, but Olivia still preferred to keep some privacy in her life. Calvin picked up on the long Sunday night phone calls, though, and questioned Olivia enough until she told him about Alex.

"How's Calvin?" Alex asked as she normally did while he was staying with Olivia.

"He's good," Olivia said. "He's adjusting well, but of course, he misses his mother." Olivia naturally smiled when she talked about Calvin, even if his situation wasn't the best. She was beginning to genuinely love him as her own.

"He's lucky he has you, Liv," Alex said. "And hey, if I'm able to get out of here for Thanksgiving, maybe I'll get a chance to meet him."

Olivia chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked.

"Do you remember Dana?" Olivia said. "Dana Lewis from the FBI."

Oh yeah, Alex remembered her, even if she didn't want to. The undercover assignment that tore them apart.

"Yeah, what about her," Alex said, trying to hide her disdain for the name. She barely knew the lady, but she didn't like her. She was also nervous as to why Olivia was bringing up Dana. _Surely Liv wouldn't go undercover when she had Calvin?_

"The other night, Friday it was, I fell asleep on the couch, and Calvin woke me up around midnight," Olivia said. "I was just getting him to go to bed when I heard a knock on the door. There was Dana on my doorstep."

"What did she want at that hour of the night?" Alex said, trying only a little to hide her jealous. _Why the hell was Dana showing up at Olivia's apartment at that hour?_

"A favor," Olivia said. It was an innocent enough answer, and truthful. Olivia just didn't think Dana would want people knowing about her being raped. Of course, a midnight visit asking for a favor sounded like something completely different to Alex.

"Anyway," Olivia continued. "When she came in and was helping herself to some bourbon, Calvin came out. He wanted to know if she was my girlfriend."

"And what did you tell him?" Alex said. She was silently fuming.

"We shared a laugh, and I explained to him that Dana was just a friend from the FBI," Olivia said. "Then I explained to him again that I didn't actually have a girlfriend, even though he's a smart kid and has picked up on the Sunday night phone call habit of mine to a certain blonde in the Congo."

Alex allowed herself to smile for a moment, but she was jealous. It took her by surprise. She knew, or at least thought, Dana was married. And even though Alex had made it clear to Olivia when she left that she should date, thinking about another woman randomly showing up at Olivia's apartment in the middle of the night, and being comfortable enough to help herself to the liquor cabinet, made Alex crazy. Even if it was just Dana.

"What kind of favor did she want?" Alex finally asked. "I mean, a middle of the night favor sounds like a booty call."

"Excuse me?" Olivia said. "Alex, are you seriously asking me if I'm sleeping with Dana?"

"No," Alex said. "Because if you were, it would be okay."

"Well, I'm not," Olivia said. "Or anyone else for that matter. But yes, it would be okay if I were according to your rules. What I don't understand is why you're getting jealous about it."

"I'm not," Alex said.

"It sounds a lot like it," Olivia said.

"Let's just drop it, Liv," Alex said. "I'm sorry. I was just surprised. That's all."

"Okay, well, I do need to get going," Olivia said. "I know it's a little earlier than normal, but Calvin needs help with his homework, and I promised him a board game before bed."

"Okay," Alex said. "I'll talk to you soon."

#

Over the next few weeks, their calls got shorter and shorter, if they even happened. Either Olivia was working or was doing something with Calvin. Other times, Alex was the busy one. They talked about spending Thanksgiving together, but a couple weeks before, Alex was informed she couldn't travel home for Thanksgiving. Maybe Christmas, she was told.

Olivia was disappointed, to say the least. She was looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving with Calvin and Alex. It was going to be like the family she never really had.

However, her Thanksgiving plans fell even farther apart when Calvin's mom showed back up one week before Thanksgiving and revoked Olivia's guardianship, giving it to Calvin's paternal grandparents instead.

Olivia was crushed and spent much of the holiday week either at the precinct working far too much or at home on the couch with a bottle of wine or bourbon. She missed her Sunday night call with Alex the week Calvin left. She didn't feel like talking to anyone and especially explaining how she was feeling. Thanksgiving came and went. Alex called, but Olivia ignored it.

It wasn't Alex she was angry with, but she was spiraling down and didn't want to let anyone in.

When she finally talked to Alex the Sunday after Thanksgiving, they fought again.

"What the hell, Liv?" Alex said. "I thought something was wrong with you."

"I'm fine, Alex," Olivia said. Rolling her eyes, and forgetting they were back to video chatting.

"Clearly," Alex said. Olivia did not look fine. She looked like she hadn't slept in a week. "I had to call Elliot to find out if you were even alive."

Alex stopped ranting for a moment to calm down. She could see Olivia was hurting and yelling at her wasn't going to fix it.

"He told me about Calvin," Alex said. "I'm sorry, Liv."

"It's fine," Olivia said. "It was only temporary anyway."

"Have you thought about adopting?" Alex asked. She knew Olivia wanted kids. They had talked about it when they were dating.

"Alex, I'm not really in the mood for this conversation," Olivia said.

"Okay, what about Christmas?" Alex said. "I only have a couple days in New York, and have to spend at least one of those with my family, but I would like to see you. Or, maybe you could spend a couple of days with me at my mom's house."

"I don't know, Alex," Olivia said. "I mean, isn't that a little ..." Olivia trailed off. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but it seemed more like something two people who were dating would do.

"Liv, my family loves you," Alex said. "My mom would love to see you."

"I'll try to get some time off, but I don't know yet," Olivia said. "I know I can swing one day. Also, I don't know how great of company I'll be."

"Olivia, I don't care about that," Alex said. "I just want to see your face, in person. I've missed you, especially the last couple of months."

"Okay, I'll try," Olivia said. She wanted to do more than try. She wanted to see Alex. She missed her like crazy, but she also wasn't herself right now. She was hurting and couldn't really focus on much else besides her pain and her work.

#

Christmas finally came. Olivia decided to pass on spending Christmas with Alex's family. Aside from the fact that she really wasn't good company for anyone, she always felt obligated to work more so that the rest of the squad could spend time with their families. However, Alex carved out a day to spend in the city with Olivia. They decided on a home cooked meal, cookie baking, and Christmas movies while curled up on the couch.

For Alex, it was the perfect plan.

They did manage to make dinner, bake cookies, and watch Christmas movies, but something was off. Alex could tell that Olivia was depressed. She was drinking a lot more wine than she normally did. She had lost weight. Her spirit had seemed to fade.

Trying to talk to Olivia about it only made it worse. Alex knew Olivia was sad over losing Calvin, but she also knew it was deeper and probably partly had to do with Liv's desire to be a mother. Something she felt was slipping away from her.

"I told you, Alex, I don't want to talk about Calvin, and I don't want to talk about adoption," Olivia said.

"I was just suggesting that when I get back, maybe we can look into some options," Alex said. She hadn't realized she used the word _we_. What she meant was that she would help Olivia with the legal options available.

" _We_?" Olivia said. "In case you forgot, Alex, we're not a _we._ Besides, you won't even be back until the end of next summer. A lot can change between now and then. I mean, how do I even know you'll want to come back?"

"Uh, because I told you I was coming back," Alex said. She didn't understand where all the bitterness was coming from since Olivia gave her her blessing to go to the Congo.

"Yeah, well, for how long?" Olivia said.

"Why are you doing this, Olivia?" Alex said. "I understand you're hurting over Calvin, but taking it out on me isn't going to help it. Especially when I'm only here for one night."

Olivia sighed. "I don't mean to take it out on you," she said. "I guess I'm just getting used to being alone, and figure maybe I should start planning my future that way."

"Liv, stop it," Alex said. "I love you. Did you forget that? You're not going to be alone. Ever."

"I'll be alone tomorrow, won't I?" Olivia said.

"That's not fair, Olivia," Alex said. "You know why I'm in the Congo. You said you understood. I mean, what do you want? Do you want me to come home?"

"Alex, I would never ask you to do that," Olivia said. "I'm sorry I'm like this on our only night together. And you're right, I do know why you're there. I'm just lonely."

Alex sighed and leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I am, too, Liv. I am, too."


	52. Congo - Part 2

A/N: Mentions of sexual assault, so read with caution if that is a trigger. Nothing too descriptive.

Also, a _Hamilton_ reference or two :)

Thank you for the reviews. Next up, Alex's return to SVU in wake of Elliot leaving.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CONGO - PART 2**

When Alex arrived back in the Congo after Christmas, things were a little better between the two of them. Things were still strained, and Olivia still wasn't herself, but they had at least talked enough to share their hurts and struggles.

They were lonely. Yes, they were lonely for affection and sex, but it was more than that - they missed the friendship and the support the had provided to each other, even at their worst of times.

Olivia, for her part, was depressed wondering if she would ever be a mother; wondering how Calvin was; wondering why Alex had to keep leaving her. Maybe her being alone was the Universe's master plan for her - one last cruel joke on the daughter of a rapist.

Alex had a lot of insecurities, too. She missed Olivia, but it wasn't just her. Alex had made friends with very few people in the Congo. She didn't have her support system. She didn't know how to connect with Olivia right now, and was questioning whether that's even still what Olivia wanted. _Maybe I shouldn't have left again._ Either way, Alex was glad to have seen Olivia for Christmas, but she was still feeling hurt that Olivia was so consumed in her own grief that Alex was becoming an afterthought - at least in Alex's mind.

Then it happened. The thing both Olivia and Alex had feared since Alex left - Alex was attacked.

She wasn't raped, but it was close - too close. It February, broad daylight, and the only time Alex had gone anywhere alone during her time there. Her body was beaten and she felt violated just having someone's hands on hers that she didn't want, in places she didn't want - even if it wasn't technically rape. Then there was the gun that was held on her during the attack. The men only stopped when they found, and stole, her ICC badge, but not before hitting her in the face, causing a cut and a bruise.

The worst part was that she wasn't sure she had the nerve to tell Olivia. She didn't want Olivia to worry. To freak out. To say 'I told you so' about the dangers. Olivia would never say such a thing to anyone - least of all Alex, but still, Alex felt uncomfortable sharing with the one person in the world that she should be able to talk to. The one person who would understand and not judge her. The person that - she hoped - loved her more than anyone else.

But she couldn't.

The first week, after the attack, she called Olivia rather than Skyped her. She didn't want anyone to see her bruises. She hadn't even been to work that week - her supervisors insisting after she had to disclose to them what happened because of the stolen badge.

The second week, the bruises and cuts were still there, but not as bad. Part of Alex hoped Olivia would notice and ask - forcing her to tell her.

But Olivia didn't notice.

Even though they were video chatting, Oliva seemed distracted and distant. She was engaging in conversation, even more than normal, and Alex was glad for that. But if she noticed the bruises and cuts, she never asked. So Alex didn't tell her.

#

 _(A/N: Get ready for some Hamilton references in this section.)_

"I've missed you so much this week," Olivia said during one of their calls in early March. "And there you are, an ocean away. Do you have to live an ocean away?"

The words came as a surprise to Alex. She had missed hearing that Olivia missed her and longed for her.

"Well, I'm officially done in early September, but I do get a week at home this summer," Alex said during one of their calls that spring. "My mom and sister want to go upstate to visit my uncle."

"That sounds like it'll be fun," Olivia said.

"Come with us, Liv," Alex said.

"Alex..." Olivia said.

"Take a break. Run away with us for the summer, even if just a week -."

"Alex, I've got so much on my plate," Olivia said.

"We can all go stay with my uncle. There's a lake I know," Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said, smiling. She remembered the lake. They had shared a number of romantic walks there when they were dating.

"In a nearby park," Alex said.

"I'd love to go," Olivia said, not adding the implied "but" on the end.

"You and I can go when the night gets dark," Alex said suggestively.

"I will try to get away," Olivia promised.

"I know you're very busy. I know your work's important. But I'm crossing an ocean and I just can't wait," Alex said. "You won't be an ocean away. You'll only be a moment away."

#

Sunday evening, Olivia fired up Skype and sent the chat request to Alex they normally did. There was just a 5 hour difference for them. Lately, Olivia had been calling on Sunday mornings when she woke up, knowing it was early afternoon for Alex. However, today, she got called out in the morning. By the time she called Alex it was nearly 11 pm where Alex was, though just 6 pm in New York City.

It was mid-April and Alex would be home for a week in just a couple of months. Then, they would only need to wait a little more than two months before Alex was home for good.

"You look tired, Alex," Olivia said. "I know you have to get up early. We could have rescheduled."

"No, I don't mind," Alex said. "I'm just glad I got to talk to you."

Olivia had finally started to be herself again. She had also noticed how tired Alex looked. She looked rundown and weary. _How long has she been like this and I've not noticed?_

"Me, too," Olivia said. "I also am trying to get time off when you're here. Munch has to have knee surgery, but hopefully, that won't come until after you are here."

"I really hope it works out, Liv," Alex said. "My mom keeps asking about you, too. I swear, I think she worries more about you than she does about me."

Olivia laughed but then stopped when she noticed movement in the background behind Alex and heard a voice.

Alex's apartment in the Congo was small. A desk. A queen bed with a night stand. A small closet and dresser. A bathroom right off from the bed. A chair and a small kitchenette. Basically, from Alex's desk near the foot of the bed, Olivia could see the entire apartment except the kitchen.

And what she saw was a tall, leggy, dark-haired woman coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

"I'm sorry," the woman said, drying her hair with another towel. "I forgot to grab my lotion." She walked over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, grabbing a tube of lotion.

Olivia's mouth dropped open, and her face said WTF. Alex turned around when she heard the voice.

Finally, the woman looked up and saw Alex was on the computer video chatting with someone.

"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry, Lex. I didn't realize ...I'm sorry." She stopped talking when she saw the fear in Alex's eyes and went back to the bathroom.

Alex turned back around quickly and saw the look on Olivia's face.

"Olivia, it's not -" Alex started to say, but was cut off.

"It's not what it looks like? What the hell _is_ it then?" Olivia snapped.

It wasn't what it looked like. Alex wasn't sleeping with the woman, even though they had been sharing a bed for a few months now.

"I'm not sleeping with her," Alex said.

"Oh really? So, she's sleeping on the floor somewhere in that tiny apartment? Or she just comes over to shower there? Let me guess, her shower is broken and she just happens to keep her lotion in your nightstand," Olivia was livid.

Yes, they had agreed they could date and see other people, but she didn't want to see the half-naked woman in Alex's apartment. And well, Alex was going to be home soon. This time apart was almost over, and they were making plans for the future. _How could Alex be sleeping with someone else while making plans with her?_

There was an explanation, but Alex couldn't give it to Olivia quickly. Not without going back and telling Olivia about her assault. About the nightmares. About the PTSD.

Emma was a colleague. One of the few people she had shared the details of her attack with, aside from her superiors. And she was the only person Alex had actually talked to about how she was feeling about it.

Emma understood. She was also a prosecutor with ICC handling sex crimes. One with more experience here than Alex, so she understood what happened to Alex. Not only had she worked with hundreds of victims over the years, but she had experienced sexual assault herself while in the Congo. She was part of the reason the women in their office were instructed never to go anywhere without an escort. She had insisted on it. She saw the signs in Alex. And she reached out.

She stopped to check in on Alex one night, seeing that Alex was having a hard time focusing at work. It was then that she witnessed first-hand Alex's panic attacks. She sat with her. She calmed her down. And she stayed with her. She held her all night and comforted her.

And she came back the next night. And the next. And when she saw that Alex wasn't getting better; that she wasn't talking to anyone else, including this girlfriend of hers back in New York, she moved some of her stuff in with Alex. She went through the same experience and spent too many sleepless nights to think Alex would sleep without feeling safe.

And Emma did make Alex feel safe. She did all the things Alex wanted Olivia to be able to do but wasn't. All because Alex hadn't told her. All because of Alex's damn insecurities.

And now, it looked like something else entirely even if it was purely platonic. Emma was as straight as an arrow, after all. And while she was attractive, there was no attraction between the two of them...even when they were sharing a bed.

"Olivia, please, I can explain," Alex said.

"No, you don't need to explain," Olivia said. "I think I understand fully."

"NO YOU DON'T!" Alex yelled. She was mad now because Olivia wouldn't even let her try to explain.

"Then tell me. Explain it to me, _Lex,"_ Olivia said, echoing Emma's nickname for Alex, and dripping with sarcasm.

Olivia's tone only infuriated Alex. _How dare she question me?_ _After all this time. Of dealing with Olivia's moodiness the past few months. Of Olivia barely being present for her and being distant. Of Olivia having midnight visitors showing up for favors and not explain it to Alex. Of Alex feeling alone and scared and Olivia not even noticing or even bothering to ask questions when Alex dropped hints._

Alex wasn't sure about anything anymore - even Olivia.

"You know what? You're right," Alex said. "I don't need to explain anything to you because we're just _friends_. And apparently not even good enough friends that I can even talk to you about this."

Olivia clenched her teeth together to keep from yelling back at the blonde. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, friends," she said. They stared silently at each other for a moment. "I've got to go, Alex."

"Yeah, me, too," Alex said.

They both ended their call and let the tears fall. It was the last time they talked before Alex returned to New York.

#

 **May 18**

Alex was sitting in her office early one morning prepping for a trial when Emma knocked on her door with a slip of paper in her hand.

"Hey," Alex said looking up to see her friend. "What can I help you with?"

"I have a message for you from a Captain Cragen," Emma said.

"What happened?" Alex said. Her heart stopped. It was the middle of the night in New York.

"Some sort of emergency at SVU," Emma said. "It says to call ASAP. Is that -."

"Yes," Alex said. "Will you excuse me for a moment?"

"Of course," Emma said. "Let me know if you need anything."

Alex nodded and watched Emma shut the door before picking up her phone.

"Cragen."

"It's Alex," she said. "What happened?"

"There was a shooting in the squad room yesterday," he said. Before he could continue, Alex interrupted him.

"Olivia? Please tell me she's okay," Alex said.

"She's fine, Alex," Cragen said. "But Elliot," _Oh no, not Elliot_ , "he had to shoot a 14-year-old girl. She grabbed a gun and started shooting in the squad room. She killed Sister Peg. Long story short, Elliot shot her and killed her. It was a good shooting, but ..."

"I know," Alex said. She knew where this story was going. "Is he going to lose his job?"

"I hope to hell not," Cragen said. "But between you and me, he'll be lucky to get out of this with his pension in tact. He's going to need help. I didn't want to wake you last night, and I wanted to figure out where things were going with Elliot first."

"I'll make some calls," Alex said.

"Alex, I know it's a lot to ask, but I need you here. Olivia needs you here," Cragen said. "After the year she's had..."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Alex said. "I was supposed to finish up in about 3 or so months. I'll request to come home early."

"Thank you, Alex," Cragen said.

"No, thank you for calling," Alex said.

She hung up the phone and requested to leave the Congo - immediately.

Regardless of what happened between them a month ago, Olivia needed her, and Alex was going to be there whether Olivia wanted her to be or not.

Alex Cabot was going home.


	53. Scorched Earth

A/N: I know. The angst is killing me, too :-) But after this, they can start _really_ talking.

Glad you guys liked the last chapter so much. Your comments made my day. And yes, they are stubborn...but that's what makes it fun.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 13.01 SCORCHED EARTH**

ICC allowed Alex to leave the Congo, even though their definition of the word immediately and her definition weren't exactly the same. She did leave the Congo the next day, but leaving ICC was a different story entirely. First, she had to go to the London office. Then a debriefing at The Hague - standard practice for those working in conflict areas. They wanted people to have time to transition back to life in the US, as it wasn't always. In Alex's case, because she had been assaulted and a report had been filed with ICC, they took extra precautions.

She was thankful Emma was there to coach her through it so she could get done as soon as possible and back to Olivia. She promised Emma she would get into counseling as soon as she got home, and that she would tell Olivia what happened to her. Whether things worked out with Olivia or not, Alex would need a friend who could understand. She hoped at the very least, Olivia could be her friend.

By the time Alex put feet on US soil, it was early June. She had kept in touch with Cragen, making sure Elliot was getting good counsel from his delegate. He was, but with six shootings in his jacket, even clean ones, it was going to be hard to bring him back. Of course, after shooting and killing a teenage girl, it was understandable if he never wanted to hold a gun again. Cragen understood this. Alex understood it. Unfortunately, it never crossed Olivia's mind. According to Cragen, she came in every day expecting him to be there. When he wasn't, it just would set her off.

"Don, you should know that Olivia and I had a fight several weeks ago - before the shooting," Alex said. They decided to have breakfast a couple of days after she made it back to NYC. "So, I'll do what I can, but I haven't talked to since then. I tried to call her, but she isn't taking my phone calls."

Cragen nodded. "Don't take it personally," he said. "She's not talking to anyone right now. She's barely even communicating with Munch and Fin unless it's about work. I have a new detective coming in from Atlanta, a woman, and am looking for another, but I gotta tell you, she's not easy to work with right now. I almost had to give her a rip and send her home the other day."

"What should I do?" Alex said. "I start back at SVU in about a week and a half. McCoy was surprised I requested SVU again, but ok'd it."

"You know if you push her too much, she'll shut down," he said. "But when she breaks, she's going to need someone."

"Do you think Stabler will be able to come back?" Alex asked.

"At this point, I'm not even sure he wants to," Cragen said. "But he's waiting on the IAB investigation to complete. He's as much as a mess as she is. He won't even return her calls, or anyone but mine.

"But with Olivia, just lay low," Cragen said. "I'll make sure she hears you're back at the DAs office and that you'll be back at SVU. Maybe she'll reach out."

Alex's face gave him a look that said _yeah, right._

"Enjoy some time with your family in the meantime," he said. "I'll call if I need anything."

#

Alex did lay low for the most part. She went away with her family for a week. They just moved the date up since Alex was back sooner than planned. She called Olivia a few times, and always left a message, but never got a callback. _This must be how Olivia felt when I never returned her calls after Albany._

Finally, the day arrived for Alex to return to SVU, and boy was it a day. A hotel maid was sexually assaulted by an Italian diplomat. _Welcome back, Alex Cabot._

When Olivia arrived back at the squad room, returning from the hospital with the victim, Alex and Bureau Chief Mike Cutter were already in Cragen's office. Olivia came in and briefed them, but it was apparent to Alex that Olivia wasn't really there. She mostly just stared out the office window at Elliot's desk. She barely even looked at Alex, much less say hello or welcome her back like the rest of the squad did. They were happy to see her. Olivia wasn't.

Luckily, putting aside their personal feelings with each other to do their jobs was something they learned a long time ago. They were instructed to go to Miriam's motel room to re-interview her and make sure she wasn't holding anything back.

"Do you want to ride together to see Miriam?" Alex texted to Olivia the following day.

"I'll just meet you there," Olivia responded. She didn't even offer an excuse.

In Miriam's room, they worked in tandem, like they had done hundreds of times. Alex was thankful for that, even if she could feel the tension between them. Mostly, though, she was focused on Miriam's story. It was a familiar story. Alex had been to Sudan during her time with the ICC. She knew the story Miriam was telling because she had heard so many just like it. It was tugging her heartstrings. It was fitting it was her first case back to SVU.

When they finished with Miriam, Olivia went straight back to the squad room, telling Alex she would contact her and Cutter if they had anything else. She never even gave Alex an opportunity to talk to her.

The week kept getting worse, too. First, Olivia found out that IAB now wanted to review Elliot's entire jacket - all six shootings - even though he had just been cleared in the recent shooting.

Then Cutter walked into the squad's bar. The place Alex went purposely to get a chance to talk to Olivia. Cutter told them Miriam was in it for the money and that it was audio. Olivia and Alex hadn't done a good enough job of vetting their witness.

It was a buzzkill for everyone's night, but Alex was hoping to catch Olivia on their way out.

"Liv, can we talk?" Alex said quietly as everyone headed out to the street.

"Alex, it's not really a good time for me," Olivia said.

Alex was getting pretty tired of Olivia's attitude, even if she knew she was hurting. She firmly put her hand on Olivia's elbow and walked her away from everyone, toward an alley. She was forceful, and she knew Olivia wouldn't pull away from her and cause a scene in front of the squad.

"Fine," she whispered. "Then when will be?"

"That depends on how long you plan on sticking around this time," Olivia said.

Alex took a breath to keep her anger in check. "Liv..." she said. "This is not about us. I am worried about you. Your entire squad is worried about you."

"Why are you here, Alex?" Olivia said.

"Because I wanted to talk to you tonight," Alex replied.

"No, not _here_ ," Olivia said. "Why are you back? And why the hell are you at SVU?"

"I'm here for _you_ ," Alex said. "I came back for _you_." _I love you,_ was what she was really saying.

Olivia breathed slowly for a moment, trying to register what Alex was saying. Alex was hoping it was enough to get Olivia to talk to her. To yell at her. Any reason to think Olivia still cared for her.

Alex saw Olivia look over her shoulder, behind the blonde. The squad had all dispersed with the exception of Fin, who was hanging back to see what was going down between the two women. He wasn't being nosy, but he'd seen that look in their eyes and felt that tension between them too many times. Olivia was about to come unchained and if Alex pushed her too hard, well, he just wanted to make sure there wasn't about to be a cat fight on his hands.

"Like I said, now _isn't_ a good time," Olivia said. She saw everyone but Fin was gone, so she jerked her arm away from Alex finally. She glared at Alex once more and walked away in the direction of her apartment.

Alex closed her eyes to hold back her tears. When she turned around, she saw Fin was still standing there, watching to make sure she was okay. She nodded at him, as a thanks, and began to walk away to hail a cab.

"Alex," Fin said. She stopped and turned around. "Giver her some time."

Alex gave him a soft smile before taking off again.

#

The case see-sawed for them. They would get a lead, good news, and then bad news. Finally, Cutter felt there was no win and wanted to drop the case. He asked Alex and Olivia to meet in his office to discuss it.

"I don't see a win here," Cutter said.

"I do," Alex said. "When the jury hears her story, they'll find him guilty."

"She's heartbreaking," Olivia said, looking down and walking over to sit on the window frame. "But it doesn't mean she's telling the truth."

"Olivia," Alex said, shocked, turning around to face the brunette. She couldn't believe what Olivia was saying. Olivia almost always erred on the side of the victims and fought for them. Olivia just stared at Alex. It was clear Olivia didn't know what to believe.

"I believe her," Alex said. "I heard thousands of other stories just like hers when I was in Africa."

"It's not getting that far," Cutter interjected. "The new DA wants to drop the charges."

Alex was stunned. This wasn't the Mike Cutter she had heard about, and it certainly wasn't the Olivia she knew. She looked to Olivia once more, hoping for some kind of back up, only to get a shrug from Olivia.

After saying her peace to Cutter, she looked back toward Olivia again, who still had nothing to say on behalf of the victim. She stared Olivia down before turning and walking out on them.

#

Alex proceeded to trial, despite Cutter's objections, and finally got Olivia to admit she did believe the victim. It was also she needed to hear - to keep going with the trial, and to have some sort of hope left that Olivia was still in there somewhere.

The trial ended with a split verdict. Not guilty of rape, but guilty of unlawful imprisonment. It was the best they could have hoped for giving the circumstances.

After the trial, however, came the blow Olivia wasn't prepared for - Elliot wasn't coming back, and it was his choice. He couldn't even pick up the phone and tell her himself.

But Olivia, after a short breakdown in the interrogation room, did what she always did - she picked herself up and went back to work. No, she didn't want to take a day. No, she didn't want to send someone else out on the call.

She wanted to work, and she wanted to accept that she only had herself anymore. She kept losing everyone around her, even the one person she depending on most over the past 12 years. Calvin. Alex, twice. And now Elliot.

Olivia Benson was going to be alone the rest of her life, and she was ready to accept that and move on.


	54. Personal Fouls

A/N: I'm barely giving this a proofread because you are an anxious bunch tonight, and I have to leave for a bit.

Also, again, possible TRIGGER WARNINGS - I got into a bit more detail about what happened to Alex (not graphic, but more specifics).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 13.02 PERSONAL FOULS**

"Olivia, I'm really sorry about Elliot," Alex said as they walked into her ADA office.

Olivia, sighing a little, smiled. "Me, too."

It was the first words they had spoken to each other that wasn't work related since Olivia found out the news. In fact, they hadn't even seen each other until this case popped up.

After the Diplomat case, Alex had to go to DC to finish up some work for ICC. It was part of her agreement for leaving the Congo early.

Alex hadn't even seen Olivia for more than two seconds to mention Elliot to her. It was two months later, but better late than never. Besides, it's not like their last conversation of a personal nature ended that well.

Olivia, while she wasn't thrilled to have to break in yet another new detective, was trying to at least focus on her job and move past Elliot leaving. She wasn't back to her old self, and didn't think she ever would be, but she was trying to heal. She knew she wanted to stop being bitter, at least as far as her work was concerned.

Now that Alex was back from DC, Olivia knew she couldn't avoid her forever. She was going to have to talk to her; she just wasn't sure what to say. She had been so hopeful when Alex left for the Congo. Alex told her she loved her and that she wanted to be with her when she got home. They spend the night together. Olivia would give anything to go back to that night.

But she couldn't, and so much had happened and changed. Losing Calvin ripped her heart out. She cared about Calvin, loved him, even, but losing him was like watching her dreams of motherhood slip away - something Olivia desperately wanted, even if she had to do it alone.

Being apart from Alex was hard, too. She never blamed Alex for going to the Congo. But the longer she was there, the hard it was. She needed Alex there when she lost Calvin. Elliot just wasn't the same. And she knew it was her fault Alex wasn't. She shut her out. She shut everyone out, and just when she felt like things were getting better - both for Olivia and for their relationship - she saw the woman in Alex's apartment. The beautiful, mostly naked, woman.

Olivia felt betrayed. How could Alex sit there and tell her it wasn't what it looked like? How many different ways could she interpret that scene? But Olivia knew that she never even gave Alex a chance to explain. She couldn't. She could not bare hearing that Alex may have fallen for someone else. So she hung up and never looked back.

Then the final blow to Olivia's world - losing Elliot. He was her best friend. Her partner for 12 years. And he just walked away. Devastated didn't even begin to describe how she felt and was still feeling.

But now, now it was time to move forward and perhaps move on from everything she loved and wanted in the past - Elliot. Motherhood. Alex.

#

Alex looked up from her desk when she heard the light tapping on the door.

"Come in," she said.

"Hi," Olivia said, coming through the door, timidly.

"Liv," Alex said, almost breathlessly. Olivia was not the face she was expecting to see in her office this late in the evening on a Friday night. Most everyone in the DA's office had gone home. Alex, well, she didn't really have much to go home to.

"I - uh - I thought maybe we could talk," Olivia said, finally forcing the words from her mouth. "I mean, that is, if you want to talk to me."

Alex nodded. "I'd like that," she said. "I just ordered take-out to pick up on my way home. If you want to talk there, I have enough to share."

"Kung Pao Chicken?" Olivia asked.

Alex smiled and nodded.

When they arrived at Alex's apartment later, it was dark, and looked barely lived in. Of course, Alex had just gotten back from DC and really hadn't settled back in entirely. Olivia noticed a pillow and blanket on the couch, as if someone had been sleeping there.

Alex saw her eyes dart to it, and went over to remove it while Olivia grabbed plates for their food.

"I couldn't sleep last night," Alex said, explaining the blanket and pillow.

That sat and ate quietly, neither sure what to say just yet. They just allowed the silence to sit around them and tried to be comfortable with it.

"Alex, I'm sorry for this," Olivia said. "I'm not really myself, and I know that because of that, I've not treated you very well since you got back. It is nice to have you back."

And there it was. Something. Anything. Some sort of acknowledgment from that that for whatever reasons, they had fucked things up, but were finally hopefully going to talk about it.

"I'm glad to be back," Alex said. "And I'm glad to see you doing a little better. I know it's still hard, though."

Olivia nodded.

"Liv, I need to explain something to you, and I need you to really listen to me," Alex said. "About what you saw in my apartment that night."

"Alex, you don't need to," Olivia said. "I think I just got ahead of myself, and I mean, you had every right to be dating, or whatever it was."

"That's the thing," Alex said. "It wasn't a thing, and I never got a chance to explain it to you."

Olivia just looked at her like she didn't quite believe her, but was still willing to listen.

"It uh, definitely looked like a _thing,_ " Olivia said, smirking and putting Alex at ease.

"I know what it looked like," Alex said. "And if I had just talked to you sooner, we would have never had this problem."

"Talk to me about what?" Olivia said. _Oh god, please don't tell me she fell for this woman._

"I was assaulted in the Congo," Alex finally said, swallowing hard and holding back tears.

"You were, what? When?" Olivia said. "Alex, why didn't you tell me? Is this why you came back early?"

Alex put her hand out to stop her, the contact startling them both.

"One question at a time," Alex said, smiling.

"I was assaulted and beaten, but not raped. I mean, he touched me - everywhere. He pushed up against me, put his mouth on me. His hands down my pants. He hit me when I resisted, and then some more just for good fun. The other guy held a gun to me, and I was certain that every bad thing I knew and heard about rape was about to happen to me. He stopped when they found my ICC badge. I guess some things scare even rapists."

Olivia's breathing slowed and became short, but she kept listening. She knew not to interrupt when someone was disclosing abuse.

"It happened in February, so it's not why I came back early. I told you, I came back early for you. Cragen called me about the shooting," Alex said.

 _Cragen called her? February? This happened six months ago, and I didn't even know?_ Olivia had a million thoughts running through her head, but she kept quiet.

"I didn't tell you because, well, I don't know exactly," Alex said. "I felt helpless, and I wasn't sure how to tell you and well, -"

"- I wasn't available to you," Olivia said, suddenly putting the timeframe together. Alex just shrugged because Olivia was right.

"You were struggling, Liv," Alex said. "I didn't want you to worry or freak out. I wanted you to have time to heal from Calvin."

"Alex, you know I would have done anything I could to have supported you," Olivia said, tears in her eyes.

"I know," Alex said. "I was just hurting, too. Things had become so distant between us, and I was just afraid."

Olivia understood. She knew disclosing this type of thing was tough on anyone, especially to those closest to you.

"The cut on your face," Olivia said. "I saw it and I didn't ask. I was too caught up in my own stuff, that I didn't even think to ask what happened."

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but words didn't come out. She was at a loss because she knew telling the truth, the truth Olivia already knew, would just make Liv feel worse. She could only nod.

"So, what you saw in my apartment that night was a friend, a good friend, being supportive because she had been through it," Alex said.

Olivia understood. She knew. She experienced the same feelings after Sealview. Feeling unsafe, even in your own bed. The nightmares. The sleepless nights. She knew she couldn't blame Alex for not telling her because she had never told Alex, or anyone else really, what happened to her undercover in the prison. Only Fin knew some of it, and Melinda, but they weren't talking.

"You couldn't sleep," Olivia said. "And she was there to help."

Alex nodded. "It wasn't just the sleep, though. There were nightmares. Probably PTSD. Panic attacks."

"And you're not sleeping now, are you?" Olivia said, looking toward the blanket and pillow Alex had moved before they sat down for dinner. The words came out a little more like a detective than she intended, but Alex would understand.

Alex shook her head. "Not much, but I am going to counseling," she said.

Olivia laid her head back on the couch and sighed. "I don't even know how to apologize to you, Alex. I fucked up, and I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. I was so caught up in myself..."

Tears were falling hard down Olivia's face, and Alex reached out again and took her hand.

"Liv, it's not your fault," Alex said. "I could have told you at any time. I knew you would've understood, but I didn't tell you. Listen, we're both at fault for all of this mess. You were struggling, and I was halfway across the world. I couldn't be there for you and you needed me. Neither of us was communicating like we should have. And it was hard being so far apart. It's why I came back after the shooting. I didn't want to let you go through something else alone, even if you weren't ready to talk to me. I wanted you to know more than anything, that I'm here. And truthfully, I needed you. I still do."

Olivia moved and pulled Alex into a hug, once she was sure Alex was okay with it. They both began crying.

"I do need you, Alex," Olivia said. "And I want to be here for you. I know there is so much we need to work through. I know I hurt you. I know that right now, I'm pretty screwed up in the head. But, I love you, and as long as I'm alive, Alex, I swear to God you'll never feel so helpless again. I will be here. No matter what, as however you'll have me. I want to fix this...us. Whatever that looks like - be it friends or more. Please tell me it's not too late." _I'm not letting her go again without telling her exactly how I feel._

Alex's head was still buried in her shoulder, listening to the words Olivia was saying - the words she had been longing to hear for so long. She pulled her head back and looked up into Olivia's eyes.

"It's not too late."

* * *

A/N 2: There will be more talking after this, but less angsty. I wanted to leave your night on a somewhat positive note.


	55. Blood Brothers

A/N: Hallelujah! Someone finally got my Hamilton references! Aside from that one scene in Congo - Part 2 when Alex is asking Olivia to go upstate with her when she comes home (which came from "Take a Break" in Hamilton), I've dropped a few others throughout this.

Finally partially answered that pesky question from Chapter 24 about what Alex and Olivia did that Olivia was forbidden to ever mention again - at least one of the things.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 13.03 BLOOD BROTHERS**

"So, I hear you and Casey had quite the little skirmish today," Alex said.

She and Olivia were having dinner at Olivia's apartment. It was just two weeks into Olivia and Alex trying what they had before Alex left for the Congo - being friends.

Olivia rolled her eyes and took a drink of wine. "You know how it is," she said. Olivia was not having a good day as it was, and Casey pushing her buttons didn't help.

"Yeah, I most certainly do know how it is working with SVU and you," Alex said. She gave Olivia a knowing smirk. "You know, going around telling ADAs that the DA's office has _lost their nerve_ isn't the best way to make any friends."

"It's Casey," Olivia said. "She and I have said worse to each other. So have we, for that matter."

Alex smiled. Olivia was never one to back down from an argument with whoever their ADA was, but especially with Alex and Casey.

"Anyway, enough about Casey and work," Alex said. "Tonight is the night, remember?"

Olivia remembered. It was part of the reason she was on edge all day. As part of their plan to mend their relationship, they had decided to have a night where they could get everything out in the open. Any question was allowed, and truthfulness was expected. The only rule was that they had a one hour limit, which included dinner. After that, the questioning had to cease, at least for that evening. Neither of them wanted to turn it into a bitch session about their relationship.

Olivia wasn't particularly thrilled with the idea, but Alex insisted they start communicating better. What better way than getting things out in the open? Since Olivia had said she was willing to do anything to fix things with Alex, she agreed.

"I remember," Olivia said. "Just let me pour some more wine."

Alex laughed, but poured herself another glass, as well. Loosening their inhibitions probably couldn't hurt too much.

"I'll go first," Alex said, and Olivia nodded. "What on earth was Dana Lewis at your apartment at midnight asking for a favor?"

Olivia chuckled. "Well, when you put it like that," Olivia said, "I guess it did sound kind of questionable."

"You think?"

"She was undercover and raped," Olivia said, turning serious. "She wanted us to run a Jane Doe rape kit so that her cover wasn't blown."

"Oh." Alex suddenly felt bad for thinking it was something else.

"I guess I was so distracted by the situation and Calvin being there that I didn't consider how it must have sounded to you."

"It happens," Alex said. "Your turn."

"Your friend in the Congo, Emma," Olivia said. "Did anything ever happen between the two of you?"

"No," Alex said. "Not even once."

"Why?"

"You're asking me why?"

"I just mean, she's beautiful. Stunning, actually," Olivia said.

"Yes, and straight," Alex said. "Besides, as attractive as she was, there was none of that kind of attraction or chemistry between us. Believe me, had there been just a little, sharing a bed with her for as long as I did would have been impossible."

"Wait? How long did she stay with you?" Olivia said.

"Well, when we were both there, and not off in some other country, nearly every night from late February until I left the Congo in mid-May," Alex said. "I mean, there would be several days at a time I would be gone, or she would be gone, but otherwise, she was there."

"Oh."

"Olivia, like I said, nothing ever happened," Alex said. "Well, except for that one time when I woke up to her on top of me."

"What?"

Alex grinned. "I'm just kidding," Alex said. "I mean, unless kicking and elbowing in my sleep counts as foreplay."

"Ugh, it most certainly does not count," Olivia said. "That's one thing - maybe the only thing - I don't miss about sleeping with you. Of course, I had an incentive to deal with it. Emma, well, she must be a saint."

"To all the rape victims in the Congo, trust me, she is," Alex said. "And what's this about my kicking and elbowing? You never complained before."

"And risk you leaving my bed by pissing you off?" Olivia said, laughing. "No thank you. Besides, you may have stayed and kicked me even harder."

"I'm about to kick you now," Alex said, giving Olivia fake glare of her glasses. "My turn. Did you date anyone when we broke up?"

"Uh, yeah, a little," Olivia said. "But nothing serious and no one you know."

"What does _a little_ mean?" Alex asked.

"You want like an exact number?" Olivia said.

"You don't know?" Alex asked, a little surprised.

"Well, I didn't date anyone while I was undercover with the FBI, but after, I guess maybe 5 or 6 women," Olivia said. "You know, that I went on actual dates with."

"Oh, okay," Alex said. "And the ones you didn't go on actual dates with?"

"Alex," Olivia said, pausing after her name to get her attention. "Do you really want to know?"

"No, you're right, I don't," Alex said, cringing at what happened with the ones who weren't actual dates. "But 5 or 6 people?"

"It wasn't a big deal," Olivia said. "Most of them was just one date and done, and generally just involved dinner and nothing else. In fact, I didn't sleep with any of them except one, and that was only one time."

"Why?"

"Why did I only sleep with her once?" Olivia said, laughing at Alex's line of questioning. "Well, let's just say that most people don't like it when you call out someone else's name in bed."

"You didn't?" Alex said, leaning forward. "Was - uh - who..."

"Based on the shade of red you are turning right now, you know damn well who's name," Olivia said. "And before you ask about the ones I didn't actually date, there were only two others, and it was barely even sex. And that's all the information either of us needs about that."

Alex, still red from embarrassment (or was that arousal?) of knowing Olivia called someone else her name in bed, nodded and agreed she was done with that line of questioning.

"What about you?" Olivia said. "How has your dating life been, _Alexandra_?"

Alex blushed again at the sound of her full name, in _that_ tone. The tone she used in bed when she said it. Olivia was just taunting her now.

"First of all, you play dirty," Alex said. "Second of all, I only saw two people when we were apart. I spent a lot of time working."

"Does that include your date with Jill?" Olivia smiled.

"Yes," Alex said. "But I never slept with Jill."

"So just the one person?" Olivia asked.

"Uh, well, I didn't say that," Alex said. "There may have been someone I picked up at a bar in Albany."

"May have been?" Olivia asked.

"Okay, fine," Alex said. "I had sex with some stranger I met in a bar. Besides, based on your barely even sex comment, I'm pretty sure, knowing you, that may have happened _in_ the bar."

Now it was Olivia's turn to blush.

"What? You think I don't remember what you did to me that one night? You know, when you got me so worked up I basically begged you to fuck me in the bathroom of a bar, where I'm pretty sure we had an audience listening." Alex was enjoying turning the tables.

Olivia's eyes widened, and her face went flush. "I thought we were to never mention that out loud again?"

"No, the deal was you weren't allowed to mention it," Alex said. "And besides, that was just one of the things we did that weekend we weren't to speak of."

Olivia regained her composure. "That was a long time ago," she said. "Geez, we could have been arrested for indecent exposure or something. I don't know what we were thinking."

"I'm pretty sure I know what we were thinking," Alex said.

"Yeah, well, believe me when I say that hasn't happened since...with anyone," Olivia said. "Besides, wasn't this my question? How did we get back on me?"

"I'm a good lawyer," Alex teased.

Both women took a drink of their wine. They needed a little break from the questions to allow their hormones to settle. They were well on their way to becoming friends again, but neither of them thought sleeping together right now was a good idea - even if they both wanted it.

Their hour of questions was nearly over when Alex's face turned serious, and she looked at Olivia.

"Can I ask you a more serious question?" Alex said.

"Of course, Alex," Olivia said, though she had no idea what Alex was going to say.

"The other night when we talked again about what happened to me in the Congo, you said something," Alex said. "It was just a comment and a look, but..."

"I know what you're going to ask, Alex," Olivia said. She had planned to tell Alex about Sealview. She thought about it when Alex first told her about the Congo but didn't want to take away from anything Alex was feeling about her assault. Since then, they had talked about the Congo, and Olivia knew she needed to say something. But it was hard, even for her. Maybe even, especially for her.

She hadn't told anyone - not even Elliot. The only people that knew, Fin and Melinda, only knew part of the story, and only because they had to know. After all, Fin walked in on it, and Melinda questioned how Olivia knew about the mark on Harris' penis.

"A few months my undercover assignment with the FBI, I went undercover at Sealview women's prison for a short time," she said. "One of the officers there had raped a young girl whose mother was in prison, and was also raping inmates. We knew the only way to get him was by going in since the Warden was stalling us."

Olivia continued her story, describing to Alex how Harris had led her to a basement room. How he handcuffed her and beat her. And how he tried to force himself into her mouth.

"Liv," Alex said. "I had no idea."

Olivia shook her head. "No one did," she said. "I've never voluntarily told a soul. Fin walked in on it, and saved me from something worse, but you know Fin. He's never told a soul. Melinda only knows that things came close because I knew to ask the victim about a certain mark on the perp's penis."

"You never talked to anyone? Not even Elliot?" Alex said.

"No, I never told Elliot," Olivia said. "But, I did see a counselor, so I guess I did tell someone."

Alex nodded. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

"And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and made you feel alone," Olivia said. "But I'm grateful you had Emma."

"Me, too," Alex said.

"Alex, let's make a promise," Olivia said. "No matter what happens, we don't go through anything like this alone anymore."

"Deal," Alex said.

She leaned in and gave Olivia a hug. They didn't solve all of their problems in one night, but they had made a good start.

* * *

A/N 2: I think I have two more from S13 (Spiraling Down - good argument there & Theater Tricks - ice skating date). Then, we'll do a time jump and bring Noah on board.


	56. Spiraling Down - Part 1

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: 13.10 SPIRALING DOWN - PART 1**

"Mom was overjoyed you agreed to come with me this weekend for Thanksgiving," Alex told Olivia in between crunching on salad bites over dinner.

It was the Monday before Thanksgiving and Olivia had agreed to spend the holiday with Alex's family. They weren't ready to say they were dating again, but all the signs were there. They were practically spending all of their free time together. Of course, working for the DA's office and the NYPD didn't leave them with a lot of free time, but they were making an effort.

"I guess having two new detectives in the squad room comes in handy when it comes to getting a holiday away," Olivia said. "But, I'm looking forward to going. It will be nice to see your family."

Olivia was picking at her salad, wishing it was pizza or something more substantial. But, it was Alex's night to pick dinner. Since coming back from the Congo, Alex had been on a healthy eating kick. Something about not having many appealing options in Africa and wanting to control what went into her body.

Both women were avoiding the elephant in the room which was _what are we doing?_ They were friends. That had been established. They both also wanted more and they knew that. But it was a matter of when. _When was the right time to put the past behind them and move forward_? As much as they wanted it. As much as they had talked and communicated. As much as they loved each other - they were both still scared.

So they spent time together. Having dinner. Taking walks. Running. Talking. Going to museums. Watching _Grey's Anatomy (_ they liked to avoid police and law dramas).

Sometimes, they didn't even do anything. Olivia would read while Alex worked on an opening argument. Alex would rant about the DA's office or Cutter while Olivia was folding laundry. It didn't matter what they were doing - they just wanted to do it together.

And they figured when it happened - it would happen naturally and when it felt _right_.

Not having sex was still hard for them. It was hard not to flirt with each other and tease each other. Olivia swore Alex made a game out of it sometimes. A game to see just how turned on Alex could get Olivia knowing nothing was going to happen. The extra button undone in the squad room. The _probably too short for court_ skirts Alex would wear. The glasses. _Ugh, Olivia loved those glasses._

Of course, Olivia wasn't entirely innocent. If Olivia was turned on by the visual of seeing Alex, Alex was turned on by Olivia's words, tone, and suggestive looks. Olivia knew this and took advantage of it.

 _Alexandra._ She knew just how to say Alex's full name and make the blonde turn completely red and lose all sense of her vocabulary. In the past, she had never called Alex that in public. It was far too long and formal for normal conversation. Back then, it had only been reserved for the bedroom. But these days, when Olivia was feeling extra mischievous, or was frustrated by Alex's teasing, she would drop the formal name in front of others. Just to watch Alex turn red and go speechless - even if just for a split second.

The day Olivia said it front of Casey, and Casey picked up on Alex's face, and what was happening, Olivia was sure Alex was going to kill her. Alex didn't kill her, but she did give quite the tongue lashing - just not the kind Olivia wanted.

"I can't believe I let you and Nick talking me into a sting operation," Alex said, finishing her salad and pushing her plate away. "You know if this goes south -"

"Alex, we have to send a message," Olivia said. "I mean, the reason there is so much prostitution and sex trafficking is because of all the johns that are breaking the law by paying for sex. It's not fair that women are usually the only ones punished."

"I agree with you, but Liv, you know there are always risks involved in these things," Alex said.

"And when have you ever shied away from a risk?" Olivia said, pressing the issue.

Alex sighed. Olivia was right. Alex didn't shy from risks. It was one of the reasons the DA's office both loved and hated her - especially when she was working in SVU. Alex wasn't their perfect protégé, climbing the political ladder, like when she first started the DA's office, or even when she came back from Albany.

"You know, when I started SVU, I was confident that it was going to be my political elevator to the top. My shoulders to climb on," Alex mumbled. "Instead, that elevator has taken me to the basement floor."

"And has it been worth it?" Olivia asked eyebrows raised.

"Every bit of it," Alex said. She smiled softly at Olivia. _If it takes fight a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it._

Olivia smiled back and finally pushed her salad away, even though she didn't finish it. She would need to make popcorn later to hold her over until morning.

"We're leaving on Wednesday night for you mom's house?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I know the traffic will be a bitch, but I'd like to sleep in on Thanksgiving," Alex said. "I can't remember the last time I did that."

"How is sleep going for you lately?" Olivia asked.

"It's a little better," Alex said. "My doctor gave me a prescription for the rough nights, but it's slowly getting better. I mean, I feel safer in my own apartment and my own environment than in the Congo. The locks on the door there could be pried open by an extra eager toddler."

Olivia glanced up at Alex's door. She had noticed the first time she visited Alex's apartment after the Congo, that the blonde had beefed up her security. A simple lock and chain - standard in NYC apartments - wasn't going to cut it anymore.

#

The sting operation went as planned for the most part - the only exception being a PR nightmare. One of their "johns" turned out to be Jake Stanton - the best quarterback the NFL had seen since Johnny Unitas. He truly was an American Hero - at least in the sports world.

"You wanted to send a message," Alex told Olivia after arraignment. The press had piled up outside with the news of his arrest for having sex with an underage prostitute.

"Well, we certainly did," Olivia said, smiling as they headed back to the squad room.

That's when things started to spiral down. First, Jake's wife, Georgia, approached them outside the courtroom. When Georgia accused Alex of being glad they caught Jake just to "make a big splash," Olivia stepped in to defend Alex. She was not going to let anyone talk to Alex like that and launched into what would make a pretty good closing argument for Jake's trial. Alex stood back and smiled at the gesture Olivia had made. _This. This is something Alex missed. Being so in sync with someone else - with Olivia - and on the same page._

However, when Georgia began to talk about how Jake wasn't himself lately, Olivia's mind began to wonder why.

"Most nights after six, my husband has no idea where he is," Georgia told them.

CTE. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. It was something that many athletes with a history of head injuries and concussions were falling prey to. Unfortunately, it couldn't be diagnosed officially until death. Olivia took the information back to her squad, and they began to look into whether it was possible if Jake's behavior was affected by this.

"What does Cabot think about this?" Nick asked Olivia when they were discussing it.

"She didn't seem overly concerned about it," Olivia said. "Said it was the defense's job and that we had enough to proceed to trial."

"If it's the defense's job to look into, why are you and Rollins pushing this?"

"Because, Alex's job may be to prosecute, but our job is to get the truth and gather all the facts."

A few hours later Jake was busted again. This for exposing himself in a women's restroom at a cafe. It was barely lunch time, and he had just been released on bail not even two hours prior.

Olivia sat down and talked to Georgia. The more she talked, the more Olivia's heart broke for the woman, and even for Jake. Getting locked out in the hallway of the hotel naked. Being disoriented. Forgetting people's names he's known his entire life. Jake wasn't the same - especially late in the day. He had also blown all of their money before Georgia realized what was going with him. They were broke and couldn't afford to pay their attorney anymore.

Olivia knew this wasn't right. She wanted justice. She hated prostitution and the johns that frequented them. But Jake? She believed he had no idea what he was doing. It was a no-win situation - for the girls being taken advantage of or for Jake's wife who was doing everything she could to hang on to her husband, what little of him that was left.

Olivia saw that desperation and hurt, and in a weak moment, reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a business card.

 _Bayard Ellis._ "He's a friend," Olivia said as she discreetly handed the card to Georgia. She knew if anyone saw her, she would get a rip from the Captain - maybe more.

"Twice in two days. Does Stanton want to be put away?" Alex was smirking when she came into the squad room after finding out of Jake's recent arrest. He was an idiot, but it at least would be good evidence at trial against him.

"I don't think that's what this is," Olivia said, turning to look up at Alex.

"Me neither," Rollins said as she walked by.

Alex's face turned to confusion. Just a few hours ago, SVU was ready to lock Jake up and throw away the keys. _What changed?_

Before she could ask, however, Ellis walked into the squad room, much to everyone's surprise. Everyone except Olivia, that is.

Alex rolled her eyes. Going up against Ellis was not what she had hoped for this trial. He was a more than formidable opponent, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why he was here - representing the 'white guy,' as he put it.

Before heading home for to get her bags and meet Alex to leave for the Cabot's, Olivia needed to make one stop - to see Ellis. She needed to thank him, and explain to him why she cared so much that she would risk her badge by _hypothetically_ having Jake's wife call him.

Ellis understood. Despite being a defense attorney, he was one of the good guys. He and Olivia had formed a good working relationship over the years. She trusted him and at one point even questioned if he had feelings for her and if she had feelings for him. She had always preferred to date women, but with Ellis, it was different. They respected each other and challenged each other.

Of course, he wasn't Alex, and whatever feelings she questioned about Ellis, she knew that they would never compare to her feelings for Alex. No, the questioning of their feelings passed early in their relationship, and they had formed a solid respect and trust in each other and frienship. She appreciated that about him. He never pushed for anything more than that.

"Liv, where have you been?" Alex said when Olivia finally showed up at her apartment to leave. Alex's bags were already by the door, and Olivia could tell Alex had probably been pacing around, impatiently waiting on her. Olivia barely made it in before Alex was pushing her back out the door to leave.

"I just had to run an errand," Olivia said. "I'm ready now."

The drive was uneventful. It was mostly Alex complaining about the traffic and how they should have left earlier. Olivia made a point to avoid talking about the Stanton case. She felt bad for Jake because she had pushed the sting operation and felt responsible. But she also knew Alex was not a fan of the concussion defense, and if she knew about how Georgia came to contact Ellis, Olivia would have hell to pay for it.

Olivia wanted to push everything about the case aside and focus on the weekend. She was genuinely happy to be spending time with Alex and her family and was hoping it was a sign of where things were heading for them.

Olivia also knew they would never get through the weekend without Caroline grilling them about the status of their relationship. Maybe that would force them to have the conversation they had been afraid to have.

#

"Olivia!" Caroline Cabot basically pulled Olivia out of Alex's car to give her a hug and kiss on the forehead. Alex wasn't lying when she said her mother couldn't wait to see Olivia. "It's so good to see you. Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for inviting me," Olivia said. "And it's good to see you, too."

Caroline started pulling Olivia into the house. "Becca, can you grab Olivia's bag? I'm going to need her to myself for a while," Caroline said as they passed Rebecca on the way in the house. "Also, you and Alex can set the table for dinner, and let us know when it's done. We'll be in the den."

Caroline disappeared with Olivia, who was giving Alex a scared look. Alex rolled her eyes and looked at Rebecca.

"Well, I guess we're chopped liver now that Olivia is back," Rebecca said.

Alex opened her mouth to protest the "Olivia is back" comment. She knew what Rebecca was implying. But, Alex chose instead not to say anything. Maybe what she was implying was exactly where Alex and Olivia needed things to be.

After dinner, Alex disappeared with her bag to take to her room before coming back down.

"Mom, where do you want to put Olivia?" Alex asked. She and Olivia had talked about on the drive over that it was probably best if Olivia slept in one of the guest rooms.

"Oh, well, Becca is in her room. Adam and Stacy are in his room, and I was going to put kids in one guest room, and your Aunt and Uncle in the other room. They'll all be here later tonight," Caroline said.

"So...?"

"So, I guess you'll have to share your bed with her," Caroline said. "That won't be a problem for you two, will it?"

Alex pressed her lips together and motioned her head for her mom to come to the side.

"Mom, we talked about this," she whispered, even though Olivia and Rebecca could hear what she was saying.

Caroline shook her head. She kept talking in her normal voice for all to hear. "Alex, honey," she said. "You and Olivia are adults. I'm sure you can manage to keep your hands to yourself for a few nights. And if not, well, who's going to know or care?"

Alex shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"I mean, you and Rebecca can share if you want and give Olivia your bed," Caroline said, knowing both her daughters would hate the idea of that. They were closer now and had mended their relationship, but they weren't _that_ close.

"No way," Alex said.

"Yeah, that's not happening," Rebecca said. "But I'll be happy to offer up half of my bed to Olivia. I mean, it's just a full size, so it'll be cozy, but I don't mind."

Rebecca grinned at Alex and moved closer to Olivia, knowing it would make her sister jealous. While she found Olivia attractive, Rebecca did prefer the company of men in her bed. But still, it was fun pissing off her sister and watching her squirm.

Olivia just stood there watching everything unfold uncomfortably. Also, she had to admit - it was amusing. And she didn't hate the idea of sharing a bed with Alex - with the exception of the kicking. She wasn't looking forward to that.

"Fine. She'll sleep with me," Alex said. "Go grab your bag, Liv."

Olivia was still smiling when they got to Alex's room, but seeing that Alex was still tense and edgy, she sat down and gave Alex a serious look.

"Look, Alex, if you are more comfortable, I'll be happy to sleep on the floor," Olivia said. "It's not that big of a deal."

"I am not letting you sleep on the floor," Alex said. "Besides, if my mom found out, she would kill me."

"Well, I'm just saying, I don't want you to be uncomfortable," Olivia said, reaching out for Alex's hand subconsciously. "You know I'll be happy to do whatever you want."

 _What I want is you,_ Alex thought.

"I know that, Liv," Alex said. "And I appreciate it. Really, it's fine. I was just annoyed because I'm sure my mom did it on purpose to tease us and get under my skin. In fact, it's probably a good thing. I haven't slept here in awhile, so an unfamiliar location may keep me awake."

Olivia nodded, knowing what Alex meant. She was afraid of the nightmares returning.

"Okay, well, I promise to behave and keep my hands to myself," Olivia said.

Alex stepped closer, her hand still in Olivia's. She stood in front of Olivia, who was sitting on the bed, and leaned into Olivia's ear.

"And what if I can't keep _my_ hands to myself?" she whispered.

Olivia swallowed and caught her breath.

"I'd say your mother would be happy to hear that," Olivia said in a serious tone before grinning.

Alex's eyes went wide, and she pulled back. "Did you _really_ just mention my mother when I was attempting to come on to you?"

Olivia laughed and raised her eyebrows. "Is that what you were doing?"

"Oh, you're going to be in so much trouble later," Alex said, moving back forward and leaning forward. She pressed her lips to Olivia's for a light kiss. "Remember, I'm a kicker."

#

The next morning, Olivia laid in bed watching Alex sleep. Alex had gotten her wish - she was able to sleep in. She also seemed to sleep fairly well - they both did - though that may have been due to the exhaustion from two former lover's reconnecting. And they definitely reconnected.

Alex only woke up from a nightmare once, but when Olivia wrapped her arms around her and whispered to her that she was safe, Alex fell back asleep quickly. Olivia kicked herself thinking of all the nights Alex had to go through this alone, or having to have someone besides Olivia to comfort her. She blamed herself. Not for the assault, but for not supporting Alex better. God, she would have gotten on a plane to Africa if Alex had needed or wanted her.

When Alex finally opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Olivia's big brown eyes staring back at her and smiling.

"Good morning," Olivia said.

"Good morning," Alex replied and returned the smile.

Olivia leaned forward and placed a kiss on Alex's forehead before moving to get out of bed.

"Should we talk about this?" Alex asked.

"We should," Olivia said. "But let's get through the weekend first and talk when we got home. I mean, unless you want to talk about it now."

"No, when we get home is a better idea," Alex said. "More privacy."

"Good, then it's a plan," Olivia said. She had quickly dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. She walked back over to the bed and gave Alex another kiss, this time on the lips.

"And don't worry," Olivia said. "I'm not going anywhere, nor am I letting you."

Alex smiled.

"I'm going to head downstairs and see if your mom needs any help," Olivia said. "You plan on getting up soon?"

"I'll be down soon," Alex said. "Just make sure there is coffee left for me. You know what a coffee hog Rebecca is."

Olivia laughed. Rebecca was a coffee hog. The week she stayed with them after moving out of Jessica's apartment, Alex complained every morning about how little coffee was left by the time she got hers. Olivia always reminded her that it was better Rebecca was a coffee addict than a drug addict again.

When Olivia reached the kitchen, Rebecca was pouring a cup of coffee. It clearly wasn't her first cup.

"You saving any of that for Alex?" Olivia said. "You know how she is when she doesn't get her coffee."

"God, don't I?" Rebecca said. "If I had a dollar for every time she bitched about it when I was staying with you all, I could probably afford Alex's wardrobe."

Olivia laughed and reached for a mug of her own for coffee.

"So, how is _Alexandra_ this morning?" Rebecca said.

Olivia's eyes widened, and she looked down blushing. "You heard that, did you?"

"Uh, yeah, I did," Rebecca said. "After one week with you all, I was kind of hoping I never had to hear Alex's full name again. I still cringe even when our mother says it. Also, you're lucky mom had the kids sleep in her room last night because they were going to be just on the other side of your room."

"Wait? There was a spare bed last night, after all?"

Rebecca tilted her head down and raised her eyes to Olivia. "Come on, Liv. There was _always_ going to be a spare bed," she said. "But I suspect there won't be anymore complaining from Alex."

Olivia just smiled and shook her head. "This family," she muttered.

"What about my family?" a voice from behind Olivia said. It was Alex, finally making her way downstairs for coffee.

"Oh, uh, I was just saying how much your family loves their coffee," Olivia said. Rebecca giggled off to the side, and Alex gave suspect stares to both of them. "Look, Rebecca made a fresh pot of coffee just for you."

"While I'm sure that's not what you were talking about, I haven't had my coffee yet, so I don't care," Alex said, grabbing a mug and pouring her coffee.

Thanksgiving dinner was nice. It was good seeing Alex relaxed and enjoying time with her family. She was smiling - a lot. So was Olivia. Things were beginning to feel _right._

She and Alex had even relaxed a bit around each other, too. The gentle touches. Grazes. Olivia putting her hand on the small of Alex's back when the blonde was drying the last of the dishes. Their body language began to act like that of a couple, and it didn't go unnoticed by Caroline.

Sunday morning, before Alex and Olivia left, Caroline cornered Alex.

"So?" Caroline asked.

"So?" Alex asked. She knew what her mother was asking, but decided to play it coy. "What are we 'so-ing' about?"

"Fine, you don't want to talk about it, that's okay," Caroline said. "I'll do the talking instead. And I'm going to tell you what I told Olivia the other night: if you hurt each other again and run away from each other again, I am going to hunt you both down and lock you in a room until you figure this out."

"You know Olivia carries a gun, right?" Alex said.

"And I have a case full of your father's guns," Caroline replied. "What's your point, sweetie?"

"You know, if my family could stop threatening Olivia with guns, that would be great," Alex said, laughing at her mother. "Dad did the same thing."

"Who said I was just threatening Olivia?" Caroline said. "The same warning applies to you, dear. Treat her like she deserves to be treated."

"Hey, I'm your daughter, not Olivia!" Alex protested.

"Yes, you are," Caroline said. "And I only have your happiness in mind. Which is why I'm telling you right now, Alexandra: hold on to her. She makes you happier than I've ever seen you. I don't care if you're dating or not. That woman is madly in love - and so are you. Don't waste much more time. You have the rest of your life to solve whatever your _issues_ are. And believe me when I say this, you'll never solve them all. But if you love her - well, that's all that matters."

For once, Alex didn't have a quick reply. Or anything to say actually. Her mother rendered her speechless and on the verge of tears. All she could do was nod before Caroline reached out and gave her a hug.

Yes, Alex needed to talk to Olivia. She needed to tell her about that night. The night she walked out on Olivia. The night she came back to Olivia. The night Olivia unknowingly left Alex and devastated her. The night Olivia planned to propose.

Olivia needed to know what Alex knew, and Alex was finally ready to tell her.

* * *

A/N: Phew! This was long, and I'm not even done with it. Be patient, we'll get to Alex telling Olivia about coming back and find out about the ring. And you're going to love it. You're going to love the hell out of it. (I hope, anyway).

Thanks so much for the reviews. They're keeping me going to push through this.

One more important note: I know I said I was going to connect this to the previous Noah storylines that I wrote in much earlier chapters. That doesn't work anymore because I can't keep these two apart much longer - so this doesn't exactly fit with those other chapters. Don't worry, though, Noah is coming. Just consider the previous Noah ones stand-alones.

I _should_ have Part 2 to this done tonight...but given it's an SVU Wednesday - no promises that it won't be super late, or that I won't be buzzed from all the wine I'm going to drink to get through tonight's episode.


	57. Spiraling Down - Part 2

A/N: Conclusion to the previous chapter. A little later tonight than I hoped, but it happens when Live Tweeting SVU turns into Drunk Tweeting SVU. I enjoyed tonight's episode. Especially Barba and the Liv/Fin parallels to Sealview. Expect it'll get a mention next week.

Back to this story, though. Some important movement here with some even more important stuff coming up. Thanks for the reviews. We're going to get a good payoff/surprise soon, and see them start to re-develop their relationship.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 13.10 SPIRALING DOWN - PART 2**

Olivia offered to drive back to the city Sunday morning, and Alex was quiet most of the way home, still thinking about her mother's words and how and when she was going to talk to Olivia. She figured it best they had the conversation once the Stanton trial was over since she had court all during the following week.

Olivia apparently had the same idea in mind.

"How long do you think the Stanton trial will take?" Olivia asked. She was hesitant to bring it up because she was feeling empathetic toward the defendant, but nonetheless, they needed to make some plans for the week ahead.

"Pre-Trial is tomorrow, and I'm hoping it's quick," Alex said. "Knowing Ellis though, he'll probably drag it out. I mean, it really should be an open and shut guilty verdict. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday we'll be done."

Olivia just nodded.

"I know Ellis though," Alex said. "He's probably going to try and use the concussion stuff to say Jake isn't responsible. That's the kind of defense attorney he is."

"Well, don't you think it's his job to come up with the best available defense?" Olivia said. She wasn't challenging but wanted to see if Alex was willing to be swayed.

"When it's a legitimate defense," Alex said. "Guys like Ellis are just looking for publicity."

"I wouldn't say Bayard is like that," Olivia said. "We've worked with him a lot."

"Getting to be on a first name basis with the defense attorneys?" Alex said, looking at Olivia and smirking.

"I'm just saying, he's one of the good guys," Olivia said.

"Hmph. If you say so," Alex said.

"Anyway, I asked about the trial because I was wondering if maybe when it's over, this weekend perhaps, we could spend the day together and uh, talk?" Olivia said.

"You realize we already spend most of our free time together, right?" Alex said.

"I know," Olivia said. "I just wanted us to be intentional about...this."

"Is it a date then?" Alex asked.

"Do you want it to be?" Olivia said.

Alex paused, but mostly for dramatic effect. "Yes, I do," Alex said.

"Okay, then," Olivia said. "Friday night? I'll make dinner. You can pick a movie. And we can talk."

"It's a date."

#

Monday afternoon after Pre-Trial Alex came over to fill SVU in on what happened.

"As I suspected, Ellis wanted to plead non-guilty by reason of insanity," Alex said. "Fortunately, Jake wasn't willing to go for it."

"Wouldn't that lend even more credibility to the fact that something is wrong with him mentally?" Rollins said.

"No," Alex said. "We can't open the door to let everyone who ever may have had a concussion plead that as their defense."

"I'm just saying, Liv and I talked to his wife, and it seems pretty clear he's suffering from CTE," Rollins said. "Right, Liv?"

Alex glared over at Olivia. She hadn't mentioned that once to her, other than expressing some concern the day he was arrested the second time.

"I, uh, I think Ellis is a good attorney, and if Jake does fit the CTE bill, then he'll be able to make a good case. He may not be competent," Olivia said. She was cautious to not agree with Rollins. After all, the sting operation had been her's and Nick's idea, and she did more than her fair share of convincing Alex to agree to it. But, she wasn't convinced Jake was fully responsible, mentally.

Both Amanda and Alex gave her a confused look. Olivia was sitting right on the fence between not wanting to piss off Alex, and fighting for what she thought was right.

#

The trial began on Tuesday and despite Stanton's objections, Ellis and Georgia knew the only way to get him off was to show the jury just how bad Jake was mentally diminished. And he did. Ellis destroyed his own client on the stand to save him from a guilty verdict. It was a huge blow to Alex and the prosecution.

Alex was angry walking out the court that day, Olivia following close behind.

"Well that was ugly," Alex said.

"Ellis was just doing his job," Olivia said. _There she was, defending Ellis again._ "Stanton is not competent. I tried to warn you."

"Warn me?" Alex said, stopped and facing Olivia. Their exchange was becoming heated. " _You_ walked me right into it. _You_ wanted a sting operation. _You_ wanted to prosecute all the 'johns' for rape."

"The guilty ones," Olivia said. "Stanton is -"

"You don't get to cherry pick," Alex said, cutting her off. "What are we supposed to do? Prosecute some of the johns and not Stanton? What kind of message does that send? That the DA's office gives sports stars a free pass?"

Olivia was looking down, unsure what to say. Alex turned around to push the elevator button.

"You want justice for her. You want compassion for him," Alex continued. "You can't have it both ways, _Olivia_. The world doesn't work that way."

The elevator opened, and Alex turned to get on it, walking away from Olivia.

"Alex -" Olivia said, moving forward to stop her.

"And I don't even _want_ to know how Ellis showed up in your squad room," Alex said. Her tone was angry and clear. They were done talking.

Olivia sighed, her eyes giving her away, as Alex moved her hand to let the elevator door close, leaving Olivia standing there in silence.

The trial ended on Thursday, as expected, and with a not guilty by reason of insanity verdict. A win for the defense until Jake realized it didn't mean he wasn't actually guilty of what they accused him of.

Alex left immediately after court, not bothering to answer questions to the press outside. Of course, when all was said and done, Olivia was grateful Alex hadn't been the to see Jake commit suicide on the courthouse steps - overtaken by this guilt.

Olivia went home Thursday night feeling like shit. It was never good to see someone take their own life. And Alex had barely talked to her since their fight on Tuesday. Of course, she had been busy with the trial, so it's not like she was ignoring her, but it still made her question whether or not their Friday date to talk was going to happen.

She was sitting on her couch with a glass of wine, trying to drink away the shitty week when she heard a knock on her door. She didn't know who was there, but she hoped it was Alex. That is unless Alex was coming to yell at her more.

"Hi," Alex said.

"Hi," Olivia said. "Come in."

"I heard about Jake," Alex said, slipping her jacket off and sitting on the couch next to Olivia. "How are you?"

Olivia shrugged. "You know," she said.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you this week," Alex said.

"I'm sorry that I convinced you to do a risky sting operation," Olivia said. "You were right - I walked you right into it."

They both just nodded and sat in silence for a moment.

"Alex, about Ellis -" Alex cut her off.

"Don't, Liv," Alex said. "I don't want to know one way or the other. I can't know."

"Okay."

"But that is also part of the reason I'm here," Alex said. "Liv, we can't do this."

"What?" Olivia said, shocked. _No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening. Not again. Fuck!_

"It's just -" Alex started, but Olivia jumped up and started pacing, startling her and cutting her off.

"No, Alex, I'm not going to let you do this to me," Olivia said. "Not again. You don't get to do this. I can't live in fear that one fight is going to end our relationship - in this case, even before we get to start it again. We're going to sit here, and we're going to talk about this. I swear to you Alex, I will do whatever you want. Anything for you. Just please, don't do this. I love you, and I can't lose you again."

By the time Olivia was done, Alex had leaned back against the couch. She was listening, but also just waiting for her to finish. When Olivia finished and looked at her, she had a smirk on her face.

"Are you finished with your little tantrum?" Alex said.

Olivia's eyes narrowed in, confused by Alex's calmness. She nodded.

"What you didn't let me finish saying is that we can't work together," Alex said. "And this is exactly why. Because neither of us should have to let disagreements at work affect our relationship. Especially when one or both of us may have done something questionable. If there are things, or opinions we have to hold back at work, it's going to fester in our personal lives. And I don't want that either.

"Listen, I want the same things that you do. I love you. I want there to be an us. But I was angry with you this week. No, wait, I was angry with Detective Benson - not Olivia Benson. I avoided you much of this week because I needed time to think about this - think about what I wanted most. And what I want is you, Olivia."

"Oh," Olivia said. Slightly surprised and slightly embarrassed.

Alex smiled at the simplicity of Olivia's words.

"So, here's what is going to happen," Alex said. "We're going to have our date tomorrow. And we're going to have another in a couple of weeks when I get back from Albany."

"Albany? Again?" Olivia asked.

"Don't ask," Alex said. "More training. Anyway, we're going to keep having dates. Real dates. It would be really easy for us to slip back into full-fledged relationship mode. And while we both may feel like we're ready for that, I want us to take this slow. I want us to get to know each other - the people that we've become. Not just as friends, as we've been doing, although that is important, but as two people in a relationship would get to know each other."

"What about work?" Olivia said.

"I asked for a transfer today," Alex said. "It may take a bit to go through, but the DA's office said they would approve it."

"Where to?"

"I don't know yet," Alex said. "I said I'd take almost anything aside from Appeals. I hate Albany."

"Yeah, me, too," Olivia said.

#

Their Friday night date happened. Olivia cooked dinner. They watched a movie. And they spent time talking. Not about anything life-shattering. They just talked and laughed.

They had already determined they wanted to be together so the only major thing left for Alex to tell Olivia was about coming back that night. She had been determined to do it, too, but she hadn't figured what to say and how to tell Olivia she had kept it from her all this time. She also knew Olivia would blame herself - even if she shouldn't. It was something she tucked away for another day and another time. She wanted their time together to be spent enjoying their present and not rehashing the past - at least right now.


	58. Closets

A/N: :-) Get some tissues, then tell me what you think.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CLOSETS**

"How is your mom?" Olivia asked Alex, who had just returned to the living room from the bedroom. Alex had been on the phone with her mother.

"She's good, but still disappointed we won't be there for Christmas," Alex said.

"You can still go, even if I can't," Olivia said. "I mean, I'm just going to be working and on-call anyway."

"No, I want to be here with you," Alex said. "Besides, I promised her we'd come after Christmas. I mean, we'll miss seeing the kids, but it'll still be nice to see her."

It was a few days before Christmas and a few weeks since Olivia and Alex had officially gotten back together. It had been a nice few weeks, too.

"Do you want to go ice skating again this week?" Olivia asked. They had been ice skating a couple weeks prior, and having a wonderful evening until it got interrupted by a crime scene.

"So you can laugh at me falling on my ass again?" Alex said. "I think I'll pass."

Olivia sat on the couch, drinking her tea, and watching as Alex was on the other end writing a motion. She smiled thinking about Alex on ice skates. In all the time they had been together and been friends, they had never been ice skating before that night. Olivia had just assumed that Alex would be as graceful on skates as she was with everything else in life. She wasn't. Olivia began chuckling to herself again just thinking about how many times Alex fell.

"You're still laughing at me?" Alex said, rolling her eyes. "See, this is exactly why we're not doing that again."

"Okay, well, we need to come up with something, and pray I don't get called in on Christmas Eve," Olivia said.

"What would you do if I wasn't here?" Alex said.

"You mean besides spend Christmas Eve at the strip club?" Olivia said right before she got hit with a pillow.

"You know I'm kidding," Olivia said. "Honestly, probably do some spring cleaning. I have a ton of stuff I need to get rid of."

"Spring cleaning in December?"

"Why do spring cleaning in the spring when the weather is nice enough to be outside instead? Makes sense to me to do it when you don't plan on leaving the apartment."

"Fair enough," Alex said. "I can help if you want."

Olivia shook her head. "No. If you're going to be here for Christmas, we should do something more special than cleaning my apartment."

"Have you forgotten how much I enjoy cleaning?"

"You don't like cleaning, you just like to control things," Olivia teased. She got hit with another pillow.

"I'm offering to help you do something I know you hate, and you're making fun of me?"

"Fine, you can help," Olivia said. "But we still need to plan something to do."

"Well, since you're on call and may not even be here, why don't we plan on a quiet day at home," Alex said. "Well, your place. We can bake cookies. I'll cook dinner. We'll watch Christmas movies."

 _Just like last year, without the tension, hopefully._

"It sounds perfect," Olivia said.

#

Saturday morning, Christmas Eve, Olivia and Alex laid in bed, taking advantage of not having to get up right away. They just laid there, relaxed, facing each other and holding each other.

"Liv, do you still think about kids?"

"I...well, yeah, I think about it, but I'm beginning to believe it will never happen," Olivia said. There was sadness in her eyes that Alex could see. "I mean, I'm not getting any younger."

"There's adoption," Alex said.

Olivia shook her head. "I looked into that a few years ago. I applied even."

"Really? Did you change your mind?"

"No, I was turned down," Olivia said.

"What? Why on earth would they do that?"

"Well, I'm single. I don't have an extended family support system. I work all hours. They didn't see me as prime parent material."

"Liv, they're wrong," Alex said. She moved her hands up to push Olivia's hair back and stroke her head.

"Not entirely," Olivia said. "I mean, all of those things are true."

"You are going to make a great mother," Alex said. "And besides, all of those reasons are in the past. You're not single. You do have a support system. And work..."

"Work still consumes my life," Olivia said.

"Yes, but I've seen you actively make room for other things," Alex said. "I mean, if you want, I can make some calls and -"

"Alex, thank you, but when the time is right, it will happen," Olivia said. "Besides, we're barely starting our relationship over. Do you think now is the best time for me or us to be talking about adopting kids?"

"No, you're right. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to push -"

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "What about you? Do you still want kids?"

"I like kids. You know that," Alex said.

"Do you want kids? Not, do you like kids?" Olivia clarified.

"Yes, I do," Alex said. "I mean, there have been times when I thought maybe I didn't. I don't think I could ever do it alone. You're much braver than me in that regard. But I do want kids someday."

Olivia leaned in and placed a kiss on Alex's forehead. She appreciated Alex's honestly, and that their discussion didn't lead to whether they wanted to have kids together. It really was too soon for that, even with their history.

"Come on," Olivia said, rolling out of bed. "We have to get up."

"What? Why?"

"Because you promised - no, you insisted - that you'd help me with my spring cleaning and organizing today," Olivia said. "And if we're going to relax tonight, we should get started."

#

"Olivia, do you really need six pairs of sneakers and three pairs of combat boots?"

Alex was sitting on the floor in front of the closet pulling out shoes and boxes of stuff for them to separate into piles. Olivia was standing in front of her dresser doing the same thing.

"This coming from the woman who has more pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes than there are days in the month?" Olivia said, laughing at her girlfriend. "I swear, you could buy a small island with the money you've spent on them."

"That is not true. I do not have more Choo shoes than there are days in the month," Alex said. "At least, I don't think so." Alex stopped what she was doing to think about how many shoes she actually did have and was doing a mental count.

"Either way, I think my six pairs of sneakers is more than acceptable," Olivia said. "Besides, they have different purposes. Running. Hiking. Muddy ones. And the boots are department issue. But I could get rid of a couple of pair of those I guess. I only need one good pair since I rarely wear them."

Alex kept digging in the closet.

"Oooh, I have prom pictures," Alex said. "You were pretty cute then, too."

"I wasn't exactly going for the cute look at prom, but thanks anyway." Olivia laughed. "But we can't go through everything looking at it. Just put it in the keep pile."

Alex went back to digging. High school stuff. A box of old t-shirts that Olivia had wanted to get made into a quilt. A collection of stuff from college. More sneakers.

"Your closet is a mess, Liv."

"Yeah, well, I rarely go digging in it. I just grab what I need and go."

It was true. She rarely got in her closet. She had no idea what was even in there; it had been so long since she even looked.

Alex was almost done pulling everything out from the closet floor when she saw one last box tucked way in the back.

"I think this is the last one," Alex said, pulling the box to her. "I wonder what kind of treasures this one holds."

Olivia had moved from the dresser over to kneel down beside Alex. She needed to help sort all the stuff into piles.

Alex pulled the lid off the box, and when she did, saw a photo of the two of them on top of some others photos, ticket stubs from dates, and letters.

"Aww," Alex said, smiling as she looked through the box.

Olivia looked and saw that the box was, and panic suddenly overcame her.

"Alex, no, I'll take that -"

It was too late. As Alex was looking through the items, she saw it - the ring box that Olivia had left on the coffee table all those years ago. Her heart began to beat fast as she reached for it, and opened it - just to make sure it was the same ring.

Tears began to form in Alex's eyes as she held the open ring box and looked up at Olivia.

"You - you - you kept the ring? Why?" Alex couldn't believe Olivia kept it. Why would she do that? It was expensive, and after the way Alex treated her for those two years, why?

Olivia's mouth was open. She had kept the ring. She wasn't sure why. It had cost her a fortune, and the money she would have received from selling it would have padded her savings account nicely. She finally spoke slowly.

"I just thought, or maybe hoped, that one day..." Olivia trailed off, suddenly realizing she had never shown or given the ring to Alex. And she knew Elliot had picked it up for her the day after she left for her undercover assignment. There's no way Alex could have known about it.

"Wait - how could you know about the ring? Unless..." Olivia's face was full panic and shock. Alex looked as if she was about to burst out in tears and Olivia suddenly realized what happened.

"Oh my God. _You came back?"_

The realization made Olivia lose any sense of balance she'd had on her knees, and she moved so that her butt was on the floor now. Her hand was over her mouth. She was pretty sure she was going to vomit at any moment.

Alex's blue eyes, tears now bursting out, told her everything she was asking. Alex had no words to say. She could only nod while still holding the ring.

Olivia couldn't fight her tears anymore and began crying as well. Sobbing, as she realized what she had done. _Alex hadn't left her. She had left Alex. Alex came back to give them a chance and Olivia was gone. Why, though? Why hadn't Alex told her?_

Olivia moved to get up, Alex's hand reaching out to stop her. _No, she can't leave._

"Liv, wait," Alex said. "I should have told you. I'm -"

"No. I can't right now, Alex," Olivia said, pulling away from Alex. "I need...I need to go for a walk." She basically ran out of the bedroom.

Olivia wasn't angry with Alex. How could she be? Olivia is the one who left her, after all. Unknowingly, but she still left. _God, how long did we miss each other by?_ No, Olivia wasn't angry with Alex. She was angry with herself. And the universe. She just needed time to process the information she learned.

Olivia left the apartment, grabbing only her cell phone, badge, and gun on the way out.

Alex sat on the floor, the only sounds were her sobs. _What have I done? I should have told Olivia. I had so many opportunities. What the hell was wrong with me? Is she angry? Is she leaving? God, I wouldn't blame her for either._

Alex stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity until she heard a notification sound on her phone.

 _Olivia?_

She got up and raced to the nightstand by the bed where her phone had been charging. She had a new text message, and it was from Olivia.

 _Alex, I'm not angry, and I'm not leaving. I know it may have seemed like both of those things because of my abruptness. But I just need time to process right now. I will be home in a few hours and I hope you'll still be there. If not, I will understand._

Alex laid on the bed, phone in hand. She was still crying. Her heart was breaking from watching Olivia run away from her. From seeing the hurt and shock on Olivia's face. The hurt she believed she caused Olivia. But the text message from Olivia gave her a hint of hope. It calmed her nerves, if only slightly.

She curled up on the bed, wrapping her arms around Olivia's pillow that still smelled like her girlfriend. She then pulled up the text message again and responded.

 _I will be here. No matter how long you need or how late it is. I'm not leaving. Ever._


	59. Closets - Part 2

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: CLOSETS - PART 2**

 _I will be here. No matter how long you need or how late it is. I'm not leaving. Ever._

Olivia smiled briefly to herself when she read Alex's reply to her text message. She had left the apartment so abruptly that it took her nearly 10 minutes of walking to consider what it must have looked like to Alex.

She meant it when she said she wasn't angry with Alex. She left the apartment because she felt like her entire world had been turned upside down - again - just like the night Alex left her for Albany. Except now she knew that Alex wasn't the one that left their relationship - she was.

It was her own actions and rush to stop the pain that destroyed their relationship. It was her actions that broke her own heart. It was her actions that broke Alex's heart. It wasn't Alex's fault.

Yes, Alex had walked out on her. And yes, Alex had good reason to be angry with Olivia when she did it. But she came back. All those years of being scared of Alex leaving her were for nothing.

Olivia knew that she had no way of knowing that Alex was going to come back, or that she did come back. Alex never told her. What she couldn't understand was why? The times Olivia yelled at her for leaving and giving up on their relationship? How could Alex not tell her? It didn't make sense to Olivia.

What did make sense was how she should have trusted her gut. She knew immediately, her first night undercover, that she had made a mistake. But she shut it out to protect herself. She also understood now why Alex refused to talk to her when she got back from Albany. _God, she probably resents me so much._

She didn't understand how Alex could forgive her, but that text message, well, it gave her just enough hope that they could get through this. Olivia would just have to figure out a way to forgive herself.

#

It was several hours later when Olivia came home. Alex was sitting on the couch under a blanket watching _It's a Wonderful Life._ When she heard the lock turn in the door, she jumped up in anticipation of seeing Olivia.

She had spent the past several hours crying, pacing, baking cookies, and watching movies. Anything to distract herself from wondering what was going on in Olivia's head and where she was. It was Christmas Eve. Alex wasn't even sure Olivia took a jacket with her. She was worried but didn't call. She knew Olivia had a lot to process.

Olivia walked through the door, and Alex immediately went to her and took her in her arms. Olivia was freezing.

"Liv, you're so cold," Alex said. "Here, sit on the couch with the blanket. I'll make hot chocolate."

Olivia did as Alex asked, handing a bag to the blonde before she went to the living room.

"What's this?" Alex said.

"Chinese take-out," Olivia said. "It was about the only thing open on Christmas Eve. And well, I didn't know if we were going to get around to making the dinner we planned. I thought it would be easier."

Alex smiled and took the bag. She returned with hot chocolate for them and plates for their dinner. It wasn't exactly what they had planned, but nothing about their day - or relationship, for that matter - had gone as planned.

"Did you bake?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I made the cookies," Alex said. "I needed something to do to distract me."

"I'm sorry for leaving, Alex," Olivia said, quietly.

"I understand, Olivia," Alex said. "It was a lot to process today, and I should have told you sooner."

"No, I don't mean that," Olivia said. "I mean, I am sorry for leaving today so abruptly, but I mean, I'm sorry for leaving that night and going undercover without even telling you. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for you and make you stay. And I'm sorry for not being here when you came back. Alex, I'll regret that forever."

"You didn't know, Liv," Alex said. "You had no way of knowing."

"All this time, I blamed you," Olivia said. "I mean, even after I forgave you, in the back of my mind, I still blamed you for leaving. Why, Alex? Why did you let me?"

"I - I guess at first, I was so hurt and broken that I didn't want you to know how badly you hurt me," Alex said. "I mean, you didn't know I came back, or that I would. But I was still so hurt, and I refused to allow myself to let you have that much power over me. It hurt me and it scared me, and I didn't want anyone to see that. Least of all, you. And God, things go so bad. It was like a rollercoaster. I saw you trying to reconnect at first, working so hard at it, but I was still hurt and angry.

"But then, then you told me you were still in love with me, and I didn't know how to handle it."

"And then I told you I was requesting a new ADA..." Olivia said.

"Yes, and then we slept together...and at that moment I wanted to tell you, but I saw what you had put yourself through, and I didn't want you to carry that burden, too. I couldn't let you do it."

Olivia leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you soon," Alex said. "I wanted to, and planned to, but..."

"No, I get it," Olivia said. "I mean, yes, I wish you had told me, but we've both made plenty of mistakes in this relationship."

"Why did you keep the ring, Liv?" Alex asked.

"Because I always had hope," Olivia said. "I always wanted to believe that one day, you'd come back, and we'd be together and that I'd be able to give that ring to you and not screw it up this time. I was going to propose that night, Alex. I was going to tell you about your father and half-brother, and propose and pray to God that you would have me."

"Well, I did come back. And we are together. And when that day comes that we're ready, I promise you that I will be here this time," Alex said. "I will never leave you again, Olivia."

Olivia smiled and reached out for Alex. "Come here," she said and placed a kiss on Alex's lips. "I'm glad that I know, and I'm sorry you had to carry that secret all this time. But right now, all I want is to skip the movie and everything else and curl up in bed with you. And I know, we have a lot of things to keep talking about, but as a wise person once told me 'we have the rest of our lives to solve our issues.' I just want to be in the here and now with you."

"Let me guess? My mom?" Alex said.

"You got the same lecture, too?" Olivia asked.

Alex nodded and smiled.

They both got up, and Alex headed toward the bedroom while Olivia headed toward the kitchen.

"Where are you going, Liv?"

"Cookies."

"In bed? You'll get crumbs everywhere!"

"I've been wandering the streets of Manhattan all night on Christmas Eve in freezing weather. I think I deserve to have cookies in bed."

Alex laughed. "Fine, but only because this is your bed and not mine. Food is not allowed in my bed."

"Uh, Alex, that's not entirely true," Olivia smirked as she filled a plate of cookies and followed Alex into the bedroom. "I happen to have it on good authority that you do enjoy food in bed. Strawberries. Whipped cream. Chocolate syrup."

Alex blushed. "Yes, all things that had a _very specific_ purpose and didn't leave crumbs."

"We had to throw out the sheets after the chocolate syrup. I think that's a little worse than a few cookie crumbs."

"You're right, we did. But it was so worth it," Alex said, giving Olivia a huge grin.

They both sat on the bed, facing each other, and eating the cookies. Both were trying their best to keep the crumbs on the plate, but failing miserably.

"Alex, I love you. And this. Just being here with you." Olivia took the plate and moved it to the night stand. She scooted closer and pulled Alex up in her lap, facing her.

"I love it, too, Olivia. And I love you. Every part of you. I love how far we've come together, even if our path was uh, challenging."

Olivia reached up and put her hands on Alex's head, pulling her down for a long, drawn out kiss.

"Merry Christmas, _Alexandra._ "

* * *

A/N: Time jump will be coming soon to Noah. Also, I'm really glad you liked the reveal of the ring and how Olivia found out Alex came back that night. I had that one floating around for a while. Almost from the time I wrote the scene of Alex finding it.


	60. Merry Christmas

A/N: I _planned_ to skip ahead a little farther, but Chely99 made an excellent point - I can't time jump after Oliva said _Alexandra_ in the bedroom. That would just be cruel, right?

So here you go. Pure fluffy smut (at least as much smut as I can bring myself to write in a Starbucks).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: MERRY CHRISTMAS**

"Merry Christmas, _Alexandra._ "

It was Christmas Eve, and Olivia hadn't been called into work. The two women sat in the bed vaguely aware of the snow falling outside, but very aware of the fact that their time together wouldn't likely last all weekend. Sure, it was Christmas weekend, but Olivia was on call, and rapists didn't usually take vacations.

At the sound of her name - the name Olivia called her to drive her crazy - Alex reached down to forcefully pull Olivia's shirt over her head. She knew they had just had an emotional conversation - perhaps one of the most emotional they had ever had - but she didn't care. She and Olivia had a fresh slate. No secrets. No lies. No fears. Just the two of them with no reasons for them to ever be apart again.

Besides, if Olivia hadn't wanted this - wanted her right now - she wouldn't have used _that_ name in _that_ tone.

"Woah, someone is a little eager," Olivia said in response to Alex pulling her shirt off. Alex nearly choked her getting the shirt over Olivia's neck. Alex was still sitting in Olivia's lap, facing her and straddling her.

"And you're not? _Merry Christmas, Alexandra?_ " Alex grinned at Olivia. "You knew _exactly_ what you were doing."

Alex didn't wait for Olivia to respond before she reclaimed her mouth and reached her hands around Olivia's back to unhook her bra. Olivia moaned as the chill hit her now bare breasts.

"You're overdressed," Olivia mumbled, reaching down to pull Alex's shirt off. She used the momentary break of Alex kissing her, to reclaim some control. She wrapped her hands around Alex's backside, pulled her closer, and bit down on Alex's neck.

Alex gasped at the contact. She didn't have to be back in the office for a few days. A few marks wouldn't be that big of a deal; not this weekend.

After several minutes of their mouths exploring each other's body, Alex raised up and got off the bed. Olivia's eyes were in a daze and Alex smiled. They both finished undressing and slipped back into bed.

It had been a month since their night at Alex's family home over Thanksgiving, and while they had made love plenty since then, tonight was different. Tonight was the beginning of everything ahead of them. Tonight, there was nothing they were holding back. Tonight, both of them said everything they had been holding back for years - first with their words and now with their bodies.

Alex shivered as Olivia's hands ran down her body. She wasn't cold, despite the snow falling outside, quite the opposite actually. But the way Olivia's touch made her feel - sending jolts of warmness and energy through her - made her shiver in anticipation. It didn't matter where Olivia touched her. It didn't matter if it was her arm or her leg or someplace more intimate. Alex couldn't get enough of Olivia's touch and never wanted to.

 _How did I ever walk away from this?_ It wasn't the sex she was thinking of, either. It was Olivia's love. Olivia did love her more than anyone else ever had. Not only did she know Olivia loved her, but she made Alex _feel_ loved - like there was no one else in the world but the two of them.

Olivia moved her hands up Alex's thighs and moved her mouth to that _spot_. The one that made Alex jump from the bed every time.

"Liv...I love you." Alex's breathing continued to stagger.

It was all she knew how to say. She didn't need to beg. She didn't need to tell Olivia it felt good. She didn't need to ask for more, or for something else.

Olivia knew exactly what she needed.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia whispered. Her tone was husky, and she took a few more breaths before continuing. "Always."

Alex whimpered as Olivia's mouth moved back to her body. She ran her hands through Olivia's hair. It was longer now, and while she liked Liv with short hair, she had to admit that with long hair, she was equally stunning, if not more. She also liked that it gave her more hair to play with, anything to distract herself from climax while still enjoying every moment.

She didn't notice she had started doing it, but her fingers begun to dig into Olivia's back. It wasn't until Olivia shifted her lips slowly down Alex's body that she realized what she had been doing. Olivia knew her tells, and she knew Alex was close. The harder she dug, the closer she was.

Alex was afraid one touch of Olivia's lips on her most sensitive spot would send her over the edge, but Olivia made sure that didn't happen just yet. As always, she proceeded with patience and softly, slowly allowing her tongue to become firmer while modeling the same behavior with her fingers.

 _God, Olivia always knew exactly what she needed._

"Olivia..."

"Shhh, I know..." Olivia mumbled into Alex's center.

 _Finally_.

Just when Alex thought she couldn't hold out any longer, Olivia gave her a familiar touch. The thrust and contact that always pushed Alex over the top. Contact that sent waves through Alex's body, as Olivia latched on with her mouth and didn't stop the motion of her tongue and fingers until Alex's body was limp. Olivia always prolonged her orgasm more than anyone she had ever been with.

When Alex stopped, Olivia climbed back up next to her, wrapping her arms around her. Alex laid there trying to catch her breath and looking into the eyes of the woman that turn her to putty. The woman that had always turned her into putty - from the first time they met.

"Merry Christmas, Liv," Alex said, still smiling a big goofy grin.

"Merry Christmas," Olivia said. "I think the city of New York just gave us both the best Christmas present ever."

Alex gave her girlfriend a curious look. She didn't understand, but truthfully, her mind wasn't able to focus on much other than the orgasm that just wrecked her body.

"My cell phone hasn't rung all night," Olivia said. She laughed at how out of it Alex was right now. "Looks like the perps decided to take the holiday off."

"I'd say don't jinx it, but after what you just did to me, I can't complain about anything," Alex said. "However, we should have an encore as soon as I remember my name."

"Did I just fuck Alexandra Cabot senseless?" Olivia said. It was a crude word, and one they rarely used to describe their lovemaking unless they were especially mischievous, but given what Olivia just did to Alex, it was fitting.

Alex just smiled and raised her eyebrows, shrugging in agreement.

"You've had me senseless since I met you," Alex said.


	61. Satisfied Wrong is Right

A/N: Expect mad Hamilton references...and don't say I didn't warn you.

Flashback to the first time they met, since I briefly mentioned it in the last chapter. Also, it wasn't planned, but there are some good parallels here to the very first chapter of this fic with the "satisfied" comments.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 2.01 WRONG IS RIGHT**

" _Who do you sleep with, Ms. Cabot?_

New SVU ADA Alexandra Cabot was pacing around her office.

 _Ugh. Why? Why did I ask to be assigned to a higher profile department? Of course, I get something like the Special Victims Unit. The same unit facing the fallout of the Morris Commission. And Captain Cragen? Where the hell does he get off asking me who I sleep with? I worked hard for this!_

Alex plopped back down in her chair. She had kept her cool with Captain Cragen. She did her best to show him and tell him how much she was ready for this, but inside, she was freaking out. Never mind all the behavioral problems, but she and Cragen had definitely started off on the wrong foot. But she held firm. Kept her cool, and did what Alexandra Cabot would do.

"Who do I sleep with?" Alex said out loud, rolling her eyes.

"I've been asking myself that about you for years," a familiar voice said coming from the now open door. Alex hadn't even noticed Abby Carmichael walk into her office.

Alex looked up and gave Abby a look that said she was not amused.

"So, I take it things went well with Captain Cragen at the Morris Commission," Abby said, smirking.

"We're having breakfast tomorrow," Alex said.

"That's a start," Abby said.

Alex shrugged again. She was one of the most confident people you would meet in the DA's office, but in her own private space, she was full of self-doubts of not living up to the insanely high expectations placed on her by her family and herself. Abby was one of the few people she had connected with enough to let see that side of her, however briefly.

"What do you think, Abby?" Alex said. "Did I get myself in over my head? I mean, this unit is coming off the stuff with the Morris Commission. They're going to be a pain in my ass, aren't they?

"SVU? Oh yeah, definitely," Abby said, laughing.

"That's not helping," Alex said, glaring at her friend.

"Listen, Alex, I don't know much about the Morris Commission findings there, but SVU is a good squad and Cragen is a good Captain," Abby said, seeing her friend needed some encouraging words. "I've worked a few cases with them. They are stubborn, and they will drive you nuts, especially Benson and Stabler. But, it's always for the right reasons. They care about their victims more than any other unit I've worked with."

Alex said quiet, pondering Abby's words.

"Have faith in me, Cabot," Abby said. "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Alex started to open her mouth but was cut off by Abby raising her hand.

"Don't answer that," she said. "Give it some time and earn their trust. Once you do, you'll realize they are as loyal and as an elite of a squad as they come."

Alex finally smiled a little. "Thanks, Abby."

Abby walked to the door to leave but turned around just before she left.

"By the way, watch out for Detective Benson," Abby said.

"What? Why?" _Detective Benson? That wasn't a name she remembered from the Morris Report._

"You'll see," Abby said, smirking and leaving Alex's office.

#

"Drinks tonight?" Munch asked his colleagues as they were about to end their day. "We could all probably use one."

"I'm in," Elliot said. "What about you, Liv?"

"Sure."

"Jefferies?" Munch said.

Jefferies slammed her desk drawer shut and got up. "No thanks." She left the squad room without even saying goodbye.

"Cap?" Munch said.

"You know I don't drink, John," Cragen said. "Go. Get out of here, but please don't get into any trouble tonight. I've got enough on my hands."

The three of them left and headed to Putnam's Pub and order a pitcher of beers.

"You met the new ADA, John. What'd you think?" Elliot asked. Alex hadn't been to the squad room yet, and so far, aside from Cragen, only Munch and Jeffries had met Alex.

"She might be okay," Munch said. "She's got some political pull. Oh, speak of the devil."

"What's she doing _here_?" Elliot asked, not entirely pleased to have an ADA in their bar.

"I invited her. Figured it'd be a good morale booster," Munch said.

Olivia's back was to the door, but when she turned around, she saw the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on walking toward their table. _That can't be our new ADA. She's too...beautiful._

"Benson and Stabler, meet ADA Cabot," Munch said.

"I'm Stabler." Elliot stuck out his hand to shake hers. Olivia was silent.

"And this is Detective Benson," Munch said, noting that Olivia had seemingly frozen and couldn't take her eyes off the new blonde ADA, much less speak.

"Hi," Alex said. _Hi? That's all you can say? Hi? Get it together, Cabot._

"Hi," Olivia said. _Oh my God, what is wrong with you, Benson? What are you? 12?_

"Alexandra Cabot. I mean, uh, Alex. You can call me Alex."

"Alexandra," Olivia said, barely above a whisper and in a tone that made Alex blush a little. "It's ... nice to meet you.

"The pleasure is mine..." Alex said, trailing off and finally able to breathe. She wanted to know the name of the stunning woman in front of her.

"Oh...Olivia. Olivia Benson."

Alex joined them at the table and took the beer Munch had poured for her. Olivia, meanwhile, was lost in thought.

 _Tonight._

 _I will remember this night for the rest of my days._

 _And Alexandra, I'll never forget the first time I saw her face._

 _I will never be the same._

 _Intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame._

 _And when she said "Hi," I forgot my dang name._

 _Set my heart aflame, ev'ry part aflame._

An hour and a few beers later, the squad's conversation was still going. Munch was asking far too many personal questions of Alex, but she handled him well. Elliot and Olivia were impressed.

Elliot decided to go home to his family and Munch convinced the women to stay for one more round. "It's on me. I'll even go up to get it."

"SVU must be quite a change from what you are used to," Olivia said. There was something about Alex that intrigued her. Normally, she wouldn't be interested in connecting with their new ADA, at least not yet. But she was more relaxed after a few beers and feeling more confident than when Alex walked into the bar - and her life.

"It will be more challenging, but I'm satisfied with being here," Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "You strike me as a woman who has never been _satisfied_." _Woah, Benson. You don't want the new ADA to think you're coming on to her._

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. Did you forget yourself?" Alex said with a flirty smirk. _Is she hitting on me? Surely she's not hitting on me. Not that I would mind it._

"You're like me. I'm never satisfied," Olivia said. _Dammit Benson, stop flirting. She just called you out for your manners._

"Is that _right_?" Alex said. _I'd like to chance to satisfy you._

"I've never been satisfied," Olivia said. _But, I bet you could satisfy me. If only we weren't colleagues. Just my luck._

"Ladies, your beers," Munch said sitting down their beers. The tension between the two women was thick, and they couldn't seem to take their eyes off each other. Something they'd had a hard time doing all night.

"Thanks, John," Alex said, smiling as Munch immediately tried to get their attention by launching into yet another conspiracy theory.

Alex wasn't paying attention, though and let her mind wander.

 _So this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level!_

 _What the hell is the catch?_

 _It's the feeling of freedom, of seein' the light_

 _It's Ben Franklin with a key and a kite! You see it, right?_

 _..._

 _She's a bit of a flirt, but I'm 'a give it a chance._

 _...  
Stunning, boy, does she know it!_

 _...  
I wanna take her far away from this place  
Then I turn and I'm reminded of our case and I am helpless._

 _..._

 _And her eyes, have me helpless._

 _..._

 _Snap out of it, Cabot. She's a detective. You're an ADA. This is against the rules. The rules you're here to make sure SVU follows._

 _She was right; you'll never be satisfied. But...it doesn't mean I want her any less._

 _#_

When Olivia closed her eyes to fantasize that night.

It was Alexandra's eyes she saw as she romanticized what might have been if ...

#

On the Upper West Side, Alex closed her eyes to fantasize.

It was Olivia's eyes she saw as she romanticized what might have been if ...

#

 _At least I'll keep her eyes in my life._


	62. Wednesday's Child

A/N: Okay, so I just skipped Season 14 - so pretend like it never happened (Nothing against S14, just didn't fit with my jump). Same thing goes for William Lewis. I can't bring myself to write about that. So we jumped from mid-Season 13 to mid-Season 15 and we're pretending it's only been about a year.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: WEDNESDAY'S CHILD**

Olivia and Alex had officially been back together a little over a year - and boy it had been a year. Munch and Cragen retired. Olivia was promoted to sergeant and became the acting unit commander. Alex was now the Bureau Chief of Hate Crimes. And SVU had a new ADA, Rafael Barba.

Life was good for Olivia and Alex. They had moved in together to a new apartment. They figured a new place would help them both transition into their fresh start.

Their schedules often collided. SVU had been a madhouse with Munch and Cragen's retirements and Nick being investigated for his actions that resulted in him shooting a kid. To make matters worse, it happened after he left a dinner party at Olivia and Alex's. How much alcohol he drank came into question and, even though he wasn't drunk, Olivia felt responsible for her partner.

It's also what led to him sleeping on their couch for a short time, much to Alex's annoyance. She was happy to help him out, but it was hard enough for her and Olivia to find time alone together.

Yes, life was good but chaotic as always. For Alex's part, she was thriving in her new role at Hate Crimes. The ADAs under her were a pain in her ass, but they were good. However, they kept her busier dealing with their issues than she had been in a while. It was easier only having to deal with her cases. When she was responsible for an entire Bureau, she felt like she never had a free moment.

Olivia was pulling double duty as unit commander and detective. She was the sergeant now, but seeing as how no one had new had joined SVU, they were extremely short-handed. She was responsible for the investigations, decision-making, and administration.

#

Olivia came home and was surprised to see Alex was already home. She was glad, though, because the case had gotten to her. A mother had discarded her child because she couldn't handle motherhood. The boy was found safely and returned to his parents, despite her personal objections to it. There were other kids, too, though. Kids who had been kidnapped and who's parents had been searching for them. Except for one child - a baby.

Olivia couldn't imagine that this baby wasn't wanted. No one knew who he was or where he came from. He simply became Baby Boy Doe, and it broke Olivia's heart to know there were people who could discard a child like that - a beautiful baby - when so many people would give anything for a baby. And that included her.

"Hey, I'm surprised to see you home," Olivia said. She made a plate of leftovers and joined Alex on the couch who was reading through a case file.

"You know, I realized that I barely remembered what our apartment, and you, looked like," Alex said. "We've both been stretched so thin that I figured even if I was busy, I could at least bring my work home and see your face."

"I'm glad you did," Olivia said. "I've missed you, too." Olivia sat quietly while Alex worked, eating dinner and enjoyed a glass of wine. Her mind couldn't stop thinking about that baby.

"Liv?"

"Uh huh?" Olivia said, barely coming out of her thoughts.

Alex put the file she had been working on down, and turned to face Olivia.

"What's wrong? You look so...sad," Alex said. "Everything okay at work?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Olivia said. "It's just that baby. I can't believe we haven't found his parents and that no one reported him missing."

Olivia had talked to Alex about the case for the past few nights as they were getting ready for bed, and Alex had listened as she went about the parents that would do something like that - discarding their children.

"It's heartbreaking," Alex said. She knew how much Olivia wanted kids, and how much these kinds of cases affected her.

"Yeah," Olivia said, pouring another glass of wine, and leaning back on the couch.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course, Alex."

"Is this maybe about more than the case?" Alex asked. She chose her words carefully, knowing what a sensitive subject it was for Olivia.

Olivia sighed and shrugged. She continued drinking her wine, no longer sipping, but gulping.

"I mean, we haven't talked kids in a while," Alex said. "Maybe we should talk about it again and explore options."

"Why? So I can get rejected again?" Olivia said. She was now pouring her third glass of wine, which didn't go unnoticed by Alex.

"Liv, that was a long time ago, and well, your situation is completely different," Alex said. "I mean, you wouldn't be doing it alone. We would do it together, as a couple."

"Alex, you don't have to do this right now -"

"No, listen," Alex said. "You said last time you were turned down because you were single. Well, you're not single anymore. They said you didn't have an extended family support network, and now, you do. We have a family."

"You have a family."

"A family who loves you as their own," Alex corrected.

"Yeah, and what about work?" Olivia said. "You're forgetting the third reason."

"Lots of people figure it out, Liv," Alex said. "We would, too."

"Lots of people don't have as demanding jobs as we do," Olivia said. "I mean, SVU is short staffed, we don't have a commander so I'm pulling double-duty."

"Right, but I'm here, too," Alex said.

"You're here?" Olivia said. "Alex, you work as much, if not more than I do. We don't even have time for each other, much less a baby."

"Liv..."

"Alex, I appreciate what you're doing, but it's not the right time," Olivia said. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that we have time for a child, that bringing someone else into our home wouldn't be a huge lifestyle shock for us. Tell me that you're ready for that."

Alex opened her mouth to speak and tell Olivia they could do it, but she knew Olivia was making a good point.

"That's what I thought. Look, Alex, it's fine. When it's right, we'll know. But right now, we live off Chinese food, salads, coffee, and wine. I can't even remember the last time one of us cooked a meal, much less sat at the dinner table and shared a meal. Besides, this is a one bedroom. Are we going to put a crib in our bedroom? That would surely put a damper on our almost non-existent sex life."

"Okay, you're right. It would be a big change for us," Alex said. "And maybe right now isn't the time, but don't give up on the idea, Liv. You are going to make a wonderful mother someday."

Alex hoped her encouraging words would bring Olivia comfort, but it didn't seem to work. She just watched as Olivia continued drinking her wine. She saw Olivia reach for the bottle, knowing there couldn't be that much left.

Alex reached about and touched Olivia's hand.

"Hey, why don't we go to bed early since we're both home for once?" Alex said. She took her other hand and tossed the folder in her hand on the coffee table.

"Alex -"

"Liv, look, you brought up some good points tonight," Alex said. "We both have been busy and haven't had much time to spend with each other. And I know a lot of that is my fault and my job. I know you've gone through a lot the past few months, good and bad, with Cragen, Munch, and Nick. And I know I haven't been here as much as I should have. So, let's do something about it."

Alex really didn't have time to stop working just yet tonight, but she knew Olivia needed her. She could get up early in the morning and work before Liv woke up.

Olivia didn't actually answer Alex, and Alex didn't give her an opportunity before she got up, pulling Olivia with her.

"Come on," Alex said. "It's been far too long since both of us have been awake in bed at the same time, and I plan on taking advantage of that tonight."

Olivia smiled and followed Alex.

Life was good for Olivia and Alex, but could it be better?


	63. Spring Awakening

A/N: Happy chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad we're gonna have Noah in the mix now.

Questions: Why was Liv drinking if no Lewis storyline? - I think just to establish she was busy, stressed, and depressed over the case, and turned to alcohol to cope (like her mother), as many do after stressful days. Just as a precursor in case I go down that route later.

No, I don't plan on ending for a bit. Lots we can do with the whole of work, motherhood, they probably need to get engaged and married or something...maybe I'll kill one or both of them off (oh, wait, did I say that out loud?) Okay, I was kidding. No one is dying. I promise. :-)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 15.23 SPRING AWAKENING**

"Is there any chance you might like to become a foster mother to this baby?"

The question from Judge Linden caught everyone in the courtroom off guard. Pippa. Langan. The social worker. Most of all, Olivia.

All eyes were on her.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me, Your Honor?" Olivia said. She heard the question, but she didn't quite believe it.

"I have a feeling about this, Sergeant Benson," Judge Linden said. "Call it a judge's hunch."

If Olivia agreed, the judge would grant custody of Noah Porter, aka Baby Boy Doe, for a period of one year. After one year, Olivia would have the option of permanent adoption.

"Do you agree?"

"Yes, I mean, I need to make a phone call first. I need to talk to my uh, partner," Olivia said. "Can I give you my answer in the morning?"

Judge Linden smiled. As did Pippa and Trevor.

Olivia was nearly in tears. Just a few months ago she had told Alex she wasn't ready yet, but she was. She wanted this more than anything. The judge was right - she had been the only person to take an interest in Noah on a personal level. She had arranged to be at Family Court each time they met to decide his fate. She had no legal obligation to be there - she just wanted to know that Noah was going to be okay and that someone was going to love him.

She never imagined in a million years the judge would ask her to take custody of him. It never even crossed her mind as an option.

Of course, her appearances in Family Court had been her secret. She didn't want her squad to see how invested she was. And after she shut down the idea of having kids to Alex a few months earlier, she didn't tell Alex either. There was no reason. She was just following up on the well-being of a victim.

Olivia walked out to the hallway when the court was adjourned, and Trevor quickly caught up to her.

"I hope this works out for you and Alex, Detective," he said, smiling. She had been surprised to see him in court on Noah's behalf. He had been Ellie's attorney but was under no obligation to represent Noah in family court.

"I'm calling her now," Olivia said. "If you could do me a favor and not mention this if you see her before I do, I would appreciate it."

"Of course."

Olivia pulled her phone out and called Alex.

"Cabot."

"Alex, are you busy?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, I'm swamped right now and due in court any minute," Alex said, rushing through her words. "What do you need?"

"We need to talk."

"What about?"

"Not over the phone, but I need to see you today, and we need to talk," Olivia said.

"Liv, I'm really busy today - this whole week actually," Alex said. "And then I have a meeting with McCoy tonight, so I'll be home late."

"Alex, this is important. _We need to talk_."

Alex finally paused, hearing the desperation in Olivia's voice for the first time.

"Okay, I should be done with court at 3:00," Alex said. "I'll reschedule with Jack and have Erica clear my afternoon." She paused for a moment. "You're scaring me. Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," Olivia said. "I'll pick you up and 3 and we can go home."

#

When Olivia and Alex got home, it was nearly 4 o'clock. Despite Alex's questioning, Olivia didn't want to talk in the car. She wanted to wait until they got home. Olivia assumed Alex would say yes - after all, it had been her idea a few months ago to talk about it. But she also knew that if they were doing it, it had to be decided together.

Alex took her suit jacket off and hung it up, taking a seat on the couch as she watched fidget nervously beside her.

"Liv, you're killing me with the suspense. What is it?"

"Do you remember that baby we found a few months back? Noah, or well, Baby Boy Doe."

"The one you found in the drawer?" Alex asked. She remembered. "What about him?"

"Well, we recently found his birth mother, but she was killed last week," Olivia said.

"Ok," Alex said slowly. She wasn't following where this was going.

"I've been attending his Family Court hearings over the past few months to follow-up and make sure the court was able to find him a home. SVU has been frantically looking for relatives. The birth father is unknown and any known relatives of Ellie, his mother, and also deceased, are dead."

"That's heartbreaking." Alex was still confused as to what this had to do with them needing to talk.

"So today, Judge Linden officially declared Noah an orphan," Olivia said. She was dragging this out, getting more nervous by the moment, but she wanted Alex to understand the full story.

"Liv, I'm sorry, but I'm not following what this has to do with your phone call today," Alex said. "What was so important that you needed to talk to me today?"

"Judge Linden asked if I would like to become Noah's foster mother," Olivia finally said.

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm apparently the only person who has taken a non-professional interest in Noah," Olivia said.

"Did you ask for that?"

"No, I haven't said a word during the proceedings," Olivia said. "She just said it was a judge's hunch."

"What did you tell her, Olivia?"

"Well, I told her that I needed to talk to you," Olivia said. "But I have to give her an answer in the morning."

"Like _tomorrow_ morning?" Alex said.

"Look, Alex, I know it's sudden, but Noah has no one else," Olivia said. "It would be custody for a year, at which point I would, or, we would have the option of permanent adoption."

"I thought you said -"

"I know what I said, but I was wrong," Olivia said. "I'm ready. I want to do this."

Alex was quiet. She was in shock. She wanted kids someday, maybe not as much as Olivia did, but she did want them. But Olivia had been right a few months ago, their current lifestyle wasn't exactly suitable for a child. Heck, it wasn't even suitable for a pet.

But the look in Olivia's eyes. Liv _really_ wanted this. Alex had watched her for the week when they first found Noah - struggling with her desire to be a mother. She saw how sad it made Olivia when she talked about Calvin or came across pictures.

"You really want this, don't you?" Alex asked.

"I do, Alex, but only if you want it, too," Olivia said.

Alex wasn't sure. She was sure she wanted kids, but when she brought it up, she had suggested they start _talking_ about it. She didn't expect Olivia to show up one day asking to bring home a baby right then. Today, they were a couple with no children. Tomorrow, if Alex agreed, they would be foster parents.

"I want it, Liv," Alex said. "Let's do it."

A huge grin spread across Olivia's face.

"Really? You mean it?" Olivia said.

"Yes, Olivia," Alex said. "Let's be Noah's foster moms. When will it happen?"

"Well, we'll have to meet with Judge Linden in the morning. Sign the paperwork with DCS. Background checks shouldn't take long because of our jobs. Have a home inspection, and then he can probably come home with us in about a little over a week, depending on how long all of that stuff takes."

"Wait? A home inspection? Oh God, Liv, we need to go shopping," Alex said, suddenly looking around at everything that would need to be childproofed. "I don't even know what we're supposed to do. Do you? I'll call my mom and ask her. Crap, I need to call my mom and tell her! Maybe she can come this weekend and help -"

"Alex, calm down," Olivia said, smiling at how nervous Alex suddenly became. "It'll be fine. Call your mother and give her the good news."

Alex stopped long enough to take a deep breath. "Are we really doing this?"

"We're really doing this," Olivia said.

Olivia Benson was about to become a mother. She and Alex were about to become foster parents, and nothing in the world could have made her happier at that moment.


	64. Bigger Place

A/N: Some more pre-Noah sweetness and humor. Continues right after the last chapter. I'm planning some things out still for the next handful of chapters and where we'll go, but by the next chapter, Noah will officially be there.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: BIGGER PLACE**

"We need a bigger place," Alex said, pacing around the apartment making sure all the electrical outlets had covers on them. "Mom, tell Olivia we need a bigger place."

"There's nothing wrong with this apartment, dear," Caroline Cabot said.

It was the weekend, and Alex's mother had come to help them get the apartment ready for the upcoming home inspection and Noah being officially there.

"We're putting a crib in the living room," Alex replied.

"Alex, honey, Noah isn't going to need a lot of space yet," Olivia said. "We have time."

"You know, when your father and I first got married, even after we had Rebecca, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment in the city, much smaller than this. It was all we could afford," Caroline said.

"But we can afford something bigger," Alex said emphatically.

"Yeah, wait until you start buying diapers, formula, baby food, child care..." Caroline said to a smirking Alex.

"Really, mom?" Alex said.

"Okay, yes, I know you two can afford something bigger, but I'm just saying, don't rush it," Caroline said. "I was never happier than when your father and I lived in that tiny apartment with Rebecca."

"You mean before you had Adam and me?" Alex said.

"That's not what I mean," Caroline said. "I just mean that when we finally moved into the house you grew up in, all six bedrooms of it, it was harder to feel like we were spending time together as a family. I mean, some days, I never even saw your father or you kids, especially when you were hiding in your rooms."

"Well, we _won't_ have that problem here," Alex said. "We're barely going to be able to walk through without bumping into each other."

"So, use it as a good excuse to feel each other up," Caroline said, smiling at her daughter. She knew just how to get her riled up.

Olivia looked up and nearly choked on her water before busting out laughing.

"Mother, please," Alex said. She was not amused. "And stop laughing, Olivia. I'm serious about this."

"Your mother has a point," Olivia said, mischievously. "I mean, I wouldn't mind more opportunities to feel you up."

"Olivia Benson! If you don't stop right now, you won't be getting any chances to do that anytime soon," Alex said. "Now, can we please stop talking about ... uh, this?"

"You mean your sex life?" Caroline said.

"Mom," Alex warned. Olivia was still smirking but trying hard to contain her laughter.

Olivia walked over to Alex and dared to put her arms around the blonde.

"Sweetheart, if you want a bigger place, then we'll look," Olivia said. "There are larger units in this building that are nearly identical to this apartment."

"You're such a pushover for my daughter," Caroline said, rolling her eyes.

"But, let's get through the next week of this inspection and get Noah settled in. That way, after a while, we'll know more of what our needs are," Olivia suggested. "And you're right. I am a pushover. She knows where I sleep and where I keep my gun."

"Your gun!" Alex said as if she just remembered she was living with a police officer. "Olivia, we have to get a safe for it."

"I have a safe, Alex," Olivia said. "I keep my other guns in it. But yes, I will start keeping my everyday service weapon in the safe when I come home."

Olivia finished her glass of water and looked at the time.

"Oh, I need to run and pick up dinner," Olivia said. "Delivery was going to take too long so I just told them I'd pick it up."

She left the apartment, leaving Alex and her mother sitting on the couch, both exhausted from the work they had put in that day.

"Alex, you're still pacing," Caroline said. "Come sit down. You've checked every corner and every plug."

Alex plopped down next to her mom on the couch.

"What's wrong, Alex?"

"Nothing is wrong," Alex said. "Why would anything be wrong?"

"Because you are full of nervous energy, and freaking out over minor things," Caroline said.

"Of course, I'm nervous," Alex said. "We're going to be parents in a few short days."

"Yes, you are," Caroline said. "And this should be one of the happiest times of your life. It's understandable that you are nervous, but relax, calm down, and enjoy it a little bit."

"I am relaxed and calm," Alex said.

"Right, that's why you yelled at Olivia over the brand of milk she bought, how she put the crib together, and I think even at one point the way she folded _your_ laundry today," Caroline said.

"She folds laundry like a 12-year-old," Alex said.

"It was your gym clothes," Caroline said. "You haven't been very nice to her today. I'm sure she'd never say anything because she loves you. But Alex, rather than taking your stress and insecurities about having a child out on her, why not just talk to her?"

"And tell her what? That I'm not sure I'm ready for this?" Alex said. "I can't do that. She wants this more than anything. And, I do too, or I thought I did. Now, I don't know."

"Alex, you're just scared," Caroline said. "Yes, it happened suddenly, but you two will get through it together. I'm sure she's freaking out inside just as much as you are."

"I doubt that," Alex said. "She's so wonderful with kids, mom. I mean, if you could see the way she is with victims at SVU; she was meant to be a mother."

"I'm sure that she is, but you're not too bad yourself," Caroline said. "But remember that Olivia chose you to raise a family with. Don't sell yourself short. You'll be fine. Both of you. It's an on-the-job training kind of thing anyway."

"It's really normal to be this scared?" Alex asked.

"Yes, honey," Caroline said. "Your father freaked out for a week when he found out I was pregnant. I mean, part of that was because it was just about a month before our wedding and he was sure your grandpa was going to find out, but still, John Cabot was terrified of the thought of baby Rebecca."

Alex laughed. "Well, she is kind of terrifying."

"Oh stop it," Caroline said. "All three of you were terrifying at times."

Alex smiled.

"Now, come here," Caroline said, pulling Alex under her arm and against her. "We need to start deciding what baby Noah is going to call his grandmother."

Olivia arrived back with dinner a short bit later, and the three of them sat down to eat.

Alex retreated to the bedroom a while later and was sitting quietly on the bed when Olivia came in to join her in bed.

"I got your mom's bed set up on the couch," Olivia said. "I told her she could sleep in here and I would take the couch but she refused."

"She's stubborn," Alex said.

"Hmm, guess that's where you get it from then," Olivia joked.

Alex gave her a smile and an eye roll.

"You've been quiet tonight," Olivia said, scooting in next to Alex. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Alex said.

"If you really want a bigger place, I can call the management company Monday and maybe we can see some next week. Speed things up."

"No, it's not that," Alex said. "You're right. Noah does need to get settled first."

"Okay, is it something else?" Olivia said.

"No, not really," Alex said. "I mean, well, I guess I'm just nervous, that's all."

"Oh," Olivia said. "I'm nervous, too, if it makes you feel any better."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Alex smiled. "It does make me feel a little better."

Olivia laughed. "Now come here. Since we're in such a tiny apartment, I don't want to waste any opportunities I have to feel you up."

"You know, if you ever make sex jokes in front of my mom again, I may very well kill you," Alex said.

"I guess I'll have to take my chances," Olivia said. "Because it's fun watching you turn red."

Olivia leaned over and kissed Alex, moving partially on top of her.

"Liv, my mom is in the living room, she'll hear us," Alex whispered.

"I'll promise to be quiet if you will," Olivia said, raising her eyebrows at Alex.

Alex just smirked, but pulled Olivia back in for a kiss. Within a few seconds, though, there was a knock at the door.

"Shit," Alex whispered.

"I don't mean to disturb you two, but you left the baby monitor on in there...and it's the microphone side," Caroline said from the other side of the door. "Don't worry, I'm turning this end off, but you may want to figure that out before Noah arrives. Oh, and I brought ear plugs because Rebecca suggested it so feel free to continue whatever it was you were doing. You girls have a good night."

Alex shoved Olivia off of her. "You're in so much trouble."

Olivia smiled, also embarrassed by what just happened. She leaned over to give Alex a goodnight kiss.

"Goodnight, Alex," Olivia said. "I love you, and I can't wait to start a family with you."


	65. Holden's Manifesto

A/N: Back to some angst, but I end with sweetness, so don't kill me... Thanks for the reviews on the Noah chapters. I'm enjoying writing them and giving us a break from the intense stuff for a bit.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 16.04 HOLDEN'S MANIFESTO**

"How's Noah?" Alex asked, coming in through the apartment door.

Alex had been away in Albany and Noah had been in the hospital for the past three days.

"Happy to be home," Olivia said.

"But he's going to be ok?" Alex said.

"Yes, he'll be fine," Olivia replied. "But Ms. Jackson, his social worker, wasn't thrilled today."

"Why? She can't think the broken ribs had anything to do with us?" Alex said.

"No, of course not. She's aware of Noah's history," Olivia said. "It's just, with the incident today and Chief Dodds on my case, of course, the time she comes by is when I'm not there. Nick's mother was with Noah, though."

"Why was Nick's mom there?"

"Because, I had an emergency at work, Alex," Olivia said. "And I had Dodds on my case all day, questioning my leadership abilities."

"Why didn't you call my mother?"

"Because she's two hours away," Olivia said. "Nick's mom has watched Noah and was close by. What was I supposed to do? It's not like you were here."

"Excuse me?" Alex said. Liv was sitting on the bed, and Alex was busy taking her earrings out before changing out of her work clothes.

"I'm just saying, it would have nice if you had been here," Olivia said. "That was the other thing Ms. Jackson was on my case about. _Where was Ms. Cabot_?"

"I was working, Olivia. In Albany."

"Yeah, well, I had quite a bit on my plate here, too. And unlike your conference in Albany, I was trying to keep people from dying," Olivia said.

"So my job isn't important?" Alex said.

"Well, did any of your staff end up with blood on their face after a sniper shot a perp in front of them?"

"I was out of town. If you needed me here, why didn't you ask me?"

"I shouldn't have to ask you to be at the hospital with our son!" Olivia said. "It should just come naturally to you."

Alex took a sharp breath at Olivia's words. They were painful and hit a direct nerve.

"So, I'm not a good mother now?" Alex said, finishing putting on her pajamas.

"That's not what I said, or meant, and you know it."

"No, just that motherhood doesn't come naturally to me," Alex said. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Olivia. By the way, _you're_ the one that kept telling me things were fine."

"You know what? I don't have the energy to have this fight with you. And do you know why? Because I've been busting my ass the past few days trying to be in two places at once."

Olivia slammed close the book she had been reading and sat it on the night stand. She took her glasses off and scooted down in the bed, indicating she was going to sleep. Alex got into the other side of the bed but remained sitting.

"Fine, you know what, you're right," Alex said. "I'm not as good at this as you. But maybe that's because I had to decide overnight to become a parent to Noah and didn't spend months in family court watching him grow up until it was so obvious that even the Judge knew what you wanted. Months of family court hearings in which you didn't even bother mention to me you were going to."

"You said you wanted kids! In fact, you brought it up months before we even found out about fostering Noah," Olivia said. "What was that? Just something you said to try and make me feel better?"

"I do want kids," Alex said. "But when I suggested it, I said we should _talk_ about it. Then you come home a few months later and basically say _can we keep him_ , as if Noah was a lost puppy."

"You could have said no," Olivia said. "I didn't realize Noah was going to be such a burden to you."

"Really? And have you resent me for the rest of our lives?" Alex said. "Olivia, this isn't about Noah. I love Noah, so don't you dare question that or call him a burden to me. This is about you constantly undermining me and making me feel like I'm not as good a mother as you are."

"I never said that, Alex," Olivia said.

"You don't have to say it," Alex replied. "You're constantly implying it. Or correcting me when I do something wrong. I mean, you do everything. You schedule his doctor's appointments to suit your schedule. You picked the babysitter. You -"

"You don't like Lucy?" Olivia cut her off.

"I like Lucy. She's great. But that isn't the point. You treat me as if my opinion isn't as important as yours, if you even bother asking for it."

"Well, if you weren't working 60 hours a week, maybe I could ask you," Olivia said.

"I don't work 60 hours a week, well, usually," Alex said. "And you don't have much room to talk about work."

"I've adjusted my priorities."

"And I haven't?" Alex said, and Olivia shrugged as if to say _no_.

"You are so unbelievable right now," Alex said.

"Whatever, I'm tired and am going to sleep," Olivia said.

"Don't _whatever_ me. What are you, 12?" Alex said and took a deep breath. "Yes, it's been an adjustment, for both of us. But we had a week to adjust, unlike the 9 months most people get. And maybe I wasn't as prepared as you were, but I love our son, and don't you _ever_ question that again."

Olivia rolled over to face Alex and say sorry, but she saw Alex getting out of bed.

"Alex, where are you going?"

"To sleep on the couch because I don't want to be near you right now," Alex said.

"Alex, I'm sor -" The door slammed before Olivia could finish her words. She let out a growl and laid back down to go to sleep.

#

Olivia woke to the sounds of Noah crying through the monitor a few hours later and instinctively started to get out of bed to get him. But hearing Alex's voice on the monitor reminded her that Alex was already sleeping in the living room by Noah's crib.

"Shhh," Alex said. "Mamma's here. It's ok, Noah. I'm here, and I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you when you were sick. I missed you so much and was so worried. But I knew you had Mommy to take care of you. She's pretty amazing at that, huh?"

Noah's crying slowed down as he listened to Alex's comforting words - even if he had no idea what she was saying.

"I love you so much, Noah. You are the best thing that ever happened to us. And while you terrify me at times, I'll always love you. You're just so tiny and been through so much already, more than I'll ever be able to understand. And you still pee on me when I'm changing your diapers. And throw up on my suits. No one told me how much more my dry cleaning bill was going to go up having a baby. And I know I have so much more to learn and should be so much better at this, but I'll never stop trying, Noah. I love you, and I wouldn't change a single thing about this. You are perfect."

Noah was fast asleep by the time Alex got done talking. Her voice, even more than Olivia's, seemed to have a soothing effect on him.

Olivia sat on the side of the bed listening to every word Alex was saying. Here eyes were filled with tears. She never meant to question Alex's love for Noah. She was just tired and stressed. She knew Alex would have come home had she asked. Becoming a parent had been an adjustment for both of them, even if it was affecting them in different ways. Alex did work too much, and that concerned Olivia, and frustrated her. But Alex was right about Olivia making most of the decisions without asking. Of course, Alex felt like the lesser parent.

Olivia got up and walked into the living room to see Alex gently laying Noah back down in the crib.

Alex turned around when she heard Olivia's footsteps coming her way.

"Liv, he's back asleep. I hope we didn't wake you."

Olivia didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her in for a kiss.

"I love you. Noah loves you. And I'm sorry for the things I said earlier," Olivia said. "Alex, you are a great mother, and don't ever second guess yourself about that again."

"I love you, too. And I'm sorry I wasn't here for you and Noah," Alex said. "Next time, I promise nothing will keep me away."

"Come back to bed with me," Olivia said. "I was getting pretty lonely, and I sleep better with you next to me."

"Even when I kick?" Alex said, smiling at Olivia, and following her.

"Even when you kick."


	66. Girls Disappeared

A/N: I know this episode happened before the prior one with Noah in the hospital, but for the sake of this, pretend it didn't.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 16.01 GIRLS DISAPPEARED**

"Someone's cleaning house," Fin said.

Everyone connected to Ellie Porter's murder was being taken out, and the calls kept coming into SVU that day.

"All right. Go. Go. Go," Olivia said. "Bellevue. Attica. The shooting. I'm going home to check on Noah."

Olivia walked back into her office and pulled out her phone to call Lucy.

"Lucy. Hey, I'm coming home right now," Olivia said. "Do not let anybody in, okay?"

"Oh, we're not home. We're at the park. I thought Noah could use some fresh air," Lucy said.

Sudden Olivia heard it.

 _Gunfire. People screaming._

"Lucy! What's going on?" Olivia yelled.

 _No answer._

Olivia hung up the phone and called another number.

"This is Sergeant Benson, Manhattan SVU. Shots fired at De Witt Clinton Playground."

Olivia ran out of the squad room to her car, calling Alex in the process.

 _Voicemail._

"Dammit!" Olivia hung up and called Alex's assistant.

"Mary, it's Sgt. Benson. I need to reach Alex immediately. It's an emergency."

"She's in a meeting with the DA and some others right now, should I -" Mary said.

"Yes, tell her go home and, no wait, tell her to stay there. Do not let her leave her office under any circumstance, but I need her to call me right now."

"I'll get her right now, Sgt. Benson."

Olivia sped down the road toward the park. She was nearly there when Alex called her back.

"Liv, what is going on? Is Noah okay?"

"I don't know, Alex. There was a shooting in the park where Lucy had Noah."

"Oh God, Liv. Where are you? I'll be right there," Alex said, as she grabbed her purse and ran toward the office door, only to be stopped by Mary.

"No, Alex," Olivia said. "I need you to stay there."

"Olivia, Noah is in danger, and you want me to stay here?!"

"Alex, I need you to stay there, so I know you're safe. This was a planned retaliation attack. Everyone connected with Ellie is being murdered as we speak."

Alex gasped and reached for the door to balance herself. Mary took her arm and helped her back to her chair.

"I'm almost there. Just stay on the line with me until I find Lucy."

Alex could only listen as Olivia took in the scene.

" _SVU. My son was in the park...Oh, God, his stroller...Lucy! Lucy!"_

" _Liv!"_

" _Is he okay?"_

" _We're fine. We're fine."_

" _Oh thank God. It's okay. It's okay."_

Alex finally breathed.

"Alex, he's okay. Noah is okay," Olivia said. "I'm going to take Lucy home, and Noah and I will be there soon. But don't leave. I'll send a uni to pick you up."

"Okay, I'll see you soon," Alex said.

#

A short time later, Alex arrived home to find Olivia and Noah already there. They were both laying on the bed, Liv rubbing Noah's back and trying to get him to nap.

"Liv," Alex whispered to get her attention without waking Noah.

"Alex, I'm so glad to see you," Olivia said, reaching up for Alex's hand. Alex sat next to her on the bed.

"How is he?" Alex asked.

"I think confused and worked up because of all the commotion and loud noises. Fortunately, I think he's too young to actually remember."

"How are you?"

"I'm - Well, I'm relieved that you both are okay. When I found out everyone around the case was dropping, I called Lucy. I was on the phone with her when..."

"Oh, God, Liv," Alex said. "You heard the shooting?"

Olivia took a deep breath and fought back tears. "I thought..."

"Come here," Alex said, pulling Olivia up to sit next to her. She embraced her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Noah is fine. I am fine. Lucy is fine," Alex said. "We're going to be fine, okay. And I know that because you protect us. SVU protects us."

"Speaking of which..."

"What is it?" Alex asked.

"Can you take the rest of the week off work?" Olivia said. "Maybe even take Noah to see your mom?"

"Of course," Alex said. "I mean, I probably can't go away. But I can work from home. I already filled the DA in and was told to take as much time as we needed."

"That's fine, I'll just have a protective detail put on you and Noah here," Olivia said.

"What about you?" Alex said.

"Me? I'm going to work because if I have to kill him myself, we're going to get the bastard that did this to our son."

Alex smiled. It had been a long time since she had seen the badass side of Olivia come out, although, this was more of Badass Mama Bear.

"Lay down, Liv," Alex said. "I'm going to put Noah in his crib, order us some dinner, and then come back in here and hold you."

"Alex, I don't want Noah out of our sight," Olivia said. "I mean, I know he probably shouldn't sleep with us, but ..."

Alex thought for a minute. "I've got it. I'll set up the Pack-n-Play, that way he'll be right here next to us."

Alex left the bedroom and grabbed their travel crib. She ordered take-out and sat up Noah's temporary bed next to theirs.

"He's still sleeping like a log," Alex said after putting him in the crib. "He's had an eventful day...and so have you."

Olivia gave Alex a soft smile, eyes still red from tears.

"Dinner won't be here for about an hour, so for now, just lay here with me and let it out," Alex said, slipping into bed and laying next to Olivia.

"Alex, I'm fine," Olivia said. "I don't have time to let it out. I need to check in with the squad, and we need to -"

"I already called your squad and informed them they are not to contact you tonight unless it's an emergency," Alex said.

"Why?"

"Because I need you here with me. And whether you can see it or not, you need me, too," Alex said. "You can't always be the superhero, Liv. I mean, you'll always be mine and Noah's, but tonight, just be Liv. The strong, beautiful, amazing, and vulnerable woman that I know is on the verge of tears right now and is scared to death.

"You're always taking care of us. Let me take care of you, for once. Please," Alex said. "Listen, I'm scared, too. But you're the one that was there today. You're the one that heard the gunshots. You're the one that rushed to the scene frantically looking for Noah."

Olivia couldn't hold back her tears much more. She buried her head into Alex's shoulder while the blonde pulled her in closer.

"Tomorrow, you can be the superhero again. But tonight, tonight you're mine and Noah's Liv, and nothing else.


	67. Sick

A/N: So, I'm trying to show real ups and downs here with their transition before moving into some more intense plot stuff. Do we want the date next? Or skip it? If I do it, I could bring back Grandma Caroline, and maybe even Rebecca, too. We haven't seen her in a while. Which brings me to another question...any characters (either show charaters, or people I've created through this story) that you'd like to see in some upcoming chapters?

I have some plans in place, but how we get there is wide open, so let me know :-) Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you guys are still enjoying this!

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SICK**

"Liv...Liv...Liv!"

"I'm awake!" Olivia said, jolting up from the couch. "What is it? Noah?"

Alex had been shaking her, trying to wake her up for several minutes.

"No, it's 8 o'clock, and you're asleep on the couch," Alex said.

"Oh, okay, did you need something?" Olivia said, still half asleep.

"Seriously?"

"Al, if you need something, you need to tell me," Olivia said. "I'm too exhausted to read your mind tonight.

"You're saying you don't remember sending me _this_ text message right before I went into court today?" Alex pulled her phone out and handed it to Olivia, with the text message in question up on the screen.

"Oh, that," Olivia said, blushing.

" _Oh, that?_ " Alex echoed. " _That_ got me all flustered before I went in for opening arguments."

"What? I was just thinking of you and wanted you to know," Olivia said.

"There are other ways to tell me you're thinking of me, without explicitly telling me what you were _thinking_ of doing to me when I got home," Alex said. "And in case you didn't notice, I'm home."

"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm just tired," Olivia said. She had gotten up off the couch and followed Alex to the bedroom to change into her pajamas.

"Olivia Benson is too tired for sex?" Alex said. "I was pretty sure that was impossible."

"I'll make it up to you tomorrow; I promise," Olivia said.

"16 days, Liv."

"What?" Olivia asked, not following.

"It's been 16 days since we were intimate," Alex said.

"Uh, that can't be right," Olivia said. "What about the other night after we watched _Grey's Anatomy_?"

"You mean when you fell asleep after getting me all worked up?"

"Oh, I guess I did, didn't I?" Olivia said.

"No, I'm going to change and wash my face, and when I come back, I expect at least some attention from you tonight," Alex said, walking into the bathroom.

"I'll be waiting," Olivia said, smiling.

Alex hurried through her nighttime routine and changed into her bed clothes. When she came back into the bedroom, ready for some alone time with Olivia, she immediately heard sounds coming from Olivia's mouth.

 _Snoring._

Alex sighed. Olivia really was exhausted. Alex was, too, but it had been so long since they had spent any time together alone. She smiled at her sleeping girlfriend and retreated to the living room to pour a glass of wine and go over trial prep.

#

"I fell asleep last night, didn't I?" Olivia asked the next morning when she and Alex woke to a crying Noah.

"You did," Alex said, picking up Noah and moving to change him to a fresh diaper.

"I'm really sorry, Alex," Olivia said.

"It's okay," Alex said. "You needed the sleep."

"I did," Olivia said. "But I plan to be home at a decent hour tonight. Maybe we can get Noah to bed a little early."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Liv," Alex teased.

"No promises, other than I look forward to spending time with you tonight," Olivia said.

Both women headed to work with the goal of getting out early and praying for no emergencies to derail their night. They didn't have many plans other than to have dinner together, get Noah to bed at a decent time, and enjoy alone time.

About an hour before Olivia planned to head home, Alex came by the office for a surprise visit.

"What brings you by, Counselor?" Olivia said, smiling.

"Nothing, just making sure you're still going to get out of here on time," Alex said.

"It's looking good," Olivia said. She was noticing Alex was more unbuttoned than she remembered this morning. "And, speaking of things that are looking good...are you here to tease me?"

"Just making sure you are extra motivated to get home on time," Alex smirked.

"Who's making promises now?" Olivia said.

"Trust me, get yourself home soon, and you'll see how good I am at keeping my promises," Alex said, before leaning in to kiss Olivia a kiss on the cheek. "Pick up dinner and I'll work on getting Noah tired out by the time dinner is over."

Olivia left work on time and picked up dinner. She was a little later than she planned to be because their order was late, but she was finally home. As she turned the key in the lock, she could hear Noah crying through the door.

When she walked in, she saw Alex holding Noah on her hip, walking him around the apartment and trying to get him to stop crying.

"I see tiring him out worked out well," Olivia said, laughing. Alex just shot her a look.

"Get get our dinner ready," Alex said. "I have fed him, changed him, played with him, rocked him, done everything."

"Why don't you put out dinner and let me try?" Olivia said, taking Noah from Alex. "Did Lucy say anything?"

"She said he was a little cranky today, but nothing like this," Alex said. "His temperature is normal, too."

Olivia walked and rocked Noah around the apartment for another 15 minutes while Alex got everything out for dinner. She finally got him quiet and sat him on the floor to play with his toys while the two of them ate.

"So, you looked extra nice this afternoon," Olivia said, trying to shift the mood back to them and not on the baby that had just been crying on their floor. "Did you lose a few buttons on your shirt today?"

"Like I said, _motivation,_ " Alex said. "But hey, at least you noticed today and didn't fall asleep on me...again."

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes.

Noah had seemed to calm down, and they sat and played with him until it was near his bedtime.

"Liv, go get ready for bed," Alex said. "I'll be there once I get him to sleep. And so help me, if you're asleep when I come in there tonight, I will wake you up by _any means necessary_."

"That actually sounds like it could be fun," Olivia smirked.

"It won't be," Alex said. "Now go, while I put our child to bed."

Olivia did as she was told. She changed into some lingerie, something either of them rarely wore to bed anymore. She lit some candles and got out some massage oil, just in case. She turned down the bed and waited.

And waited.

Just when she was about to check on Alex, the blonde came through the door - covered in vomit.

"Alex...what happened?" Olivia said.

"I think Noah is sick," Alex said. "Which is probably why he's been a monster all night."

"Do you need me to get him anything? Do you need anything?" Olivia said.

"No, he's sleeping now. I changed his clothes and diaper and gave him some medicine from the last time he was sick," Alex said. "Once he threw up, he seemed to feel better. I'll take him to the pediatrician in the morning. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get in the shower and change out of these clothes."

"Do you want company?" Olivia said.

"Are you serious right now? I'm covered in vomit. What do you think?" Alex said.

"Okay, I'll take that as a no," Olivia said.

Alex left the bedroom for the bathroom and got in the shower. Olivia hoped that when Alex got out she would be feeling better, and they could resume their planned activities, even if it were starting later than they hoped.

Olivia went in to check on Noah, who was still sleeping and made sure the monitor was on. She went ahead and blew out the candles and put the massage oil away, knowing Alex probably wasn't going to be in an overly romantic mood now. Vomit had a way of doing that. But at the very least, she was going to be awake when Alex finished and give her the attention they both had been missing.

When Alex finally came out in just her robe, Olivia was eager and happy to see a smile on Alex's face. She jumped up to greet her, not wanting to wait another minute put her lips on Alex's. She moved her hand down slowly to untie Alex's robe, wanting a bit more access to what was underneath. As soon as it opened, and she moved her hand around Alex's waist...

 _Crying. Loud crying._

Alex pulled away and tied her robe back up.

"He hates us. Noah hates us," Alex said.

"I'll go," Olivia said.

"No, you really have had a long, exhausting week," Alex said. "I was already going to take tomorrow off to take him to the doctor, so you just go to bed, and I'll stay with Noah."

Olivia plopped back on the bed facing the ceiling. She had really been looking forward to tonight.

Alex smiled at her frustrate girlfriend, allowing the smile to turn into a smirk. She knew the feeling. She had the same frustrated feeling last night. But she did feel bad. She leaned down to give Olivia a kiss before going to get Noah. But when she did, Olivia grabbed her and pulled her on top of her.

"Liv," Alex said in a surprised tone.

"Maybe he'll stop crying soon," Olivia said. "You're the one that always says we shouldn't run every single time he cries."

"Yes, but not when he's sick," Alex said.

"Listen, he's not crying right now," Olivia said, hopefully.

Alex was quiet. Noah wasn't crying. They could hear sniffles, but no crying. Maybe he was going to lay back down to go to sleep.

"See? Now, where were we..." Olivia said, moving her hand back to undo Alex's robe and moving her lips to Alex's neck.

 _WAAAAHHHHHH!_

"Go," Olivia said, letting Alex go after seeing the icy stare in her eyes.

Olivia got up, changed out of her lingerie and into an old t-shirt and pair of shorts. She pulled out her phone and flipped through some emails while listening to Alex sing to Noah on the monitor. Listening to Alex sing and talk to Noah on the baby monitor was one of her favorite things to do.

After a while, she got up and check on both of them and let Alex know she was going to go to sleep soon, and see if she needed anything.

She wandered into the living room and watched as Alex was patting Noah's back, who had begun crying again. She had just finished giving him a bottle and was about to try and put him back to bed.

Then it happened - again. Noah threw up. Except this time, it was milk spit up instead of vomit. But it didn't matter - Alex was covered in it for the second time that evening.

Olivia covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Nothing about it was funny, but she did find it amusing and cute. Of course, she knew if she made a sound that sounded like laughter, Alex would kill her. She went to get an old t-shirt for Alex and a wash cloth, taking Noah long enough so Alex could change again and clean up.

Once Alex was cleaned up, and Noah was down for the count, the blonde made her bed on the couch. She didn't want to be far from Noah, but she also didn't want him to keep Olivia up all night.

"So much for our plans tonight," Olivia said, giving a gentle kiss to Alex on the cheek.

"Yeah, like I said, Noah hates us," Alex said, laughing.

"Nah, I think he's just jealous because we were actually going to spend time with each other and not him," Olivia said. "How do you think your mom would feel about a night with Noah while I took her daughter out on a proper date this weekend?"

"I think Grandma and Noah would both like that," Alex said. "I'll call her tomorrow."

"Good," Olivia said. "It's a date."


	68. The Date - Part 1

A/N: You guys had some good ideas, so I'll go with them for a little fluffy for a bit. There will be a Part 2 to this that will be at little more mature, and will include some more scenes with Alex's family. I'm itching for more angst already, but since I'm having a busy week, I stuck with more fluff, while moving their relationship forward a bit.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THE DATE - PART 1**

"Olivia! Hurry up or we'll miss our reservation!" Alex yelled into the bedroom while she was talking to her mother. "What is taking so long?"

"Thanks for coming, Mom," Alex said when Caroline showed up to babysit Noah. "Our numbers and the doctor's number is on the fridge. His medicine is on the counter. If he gets a little cranky -"

"I can handle it, Alex," Caroline said. "I have done this before."

"I know, but..." Alex was interrupted by a knock at the door. She walked over to open it.

"Rebecca, what are you doing here?" Alex said, seeing her sister standing at the door with an overnight bag.

"Nice to see you too, Allie, " Rebecca said. "I came to stay with Mom and Noah tonight."

"Stay?" Alex said. "You can't stay. What's wrong with your apartment? We already don't have a bed for mom to sleep in."

Olivia emerged from the bedroom finally.

"About that..." Olivia said. "They can take our b since we won't need it tonight."

"What? Why?" Alex said, not sure what was happening.

"We are staying at a hotel," Olivia said. "It was your mom's idea."

Alex snapped around and gave her mom a confused look.

"Wait..."

"We'll be fine, Alex," Caroline said. "Now, leave so you're not late for that reservation."

Olivia stood there smirking, holding the two overnight bags that she had been discreetly packing.

"And don't rush home tomorrow," Caroline said. "You have too much pent up energy, and I'm hoping for all of our sakes you are able to uh, work some of it out."

"Yep, I'm definitely ready to go now," Alex said, rolling her eyes at her mom. "Don't let Becca give him junk food and don't let him stay up too late."

"But that's what good aunts are for," Rebecca said.

#

"You know, that was a pretty sneaky move you pulled off, Liv," Alex said. "The hotel. Getting my mom to spend the night. Packing for us. I'm a pretty lucky, gal."

"I'd argue that I'm the lucky one," Olivia said, smiling and toasting their wine. "But I guess we're both lucky. We have a pretty great family."

"We do."

"Now, about this pent up energy you need to work off..." Olivia said, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I was thinking I could hit the excercise room at the hotel tonight, or maybe swim a few laps," Alex said, smirking.

"I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible," Olivia said.

"Oh, really? And why is that?"

"Because," Olivia said in a low voice that turned to a whisper as she scooted closer to Alex in the booth. "I may have packed a few things to keep you under lock and key." When she finished speaking, her lips grazed Alex's ears for just a moment.

Alex took in a sharp breath.

"God, I can't even remember the last time we used handcuffs," Alex said. Her face was flushed, and her breathing had begun to stagger.

"I can't remember the last time we had a night to ourselves," Olivia said. "I mean, even before Noah."

The two women laughed and relaxed. In their younger days, they would have allowed the talk to continue and worked each other up to the point of no return, but at this stage, they were more interested in spending quality time with each other and talking. Of course, there be plenty of time for the other later.

"Pardon the interruption, ladies," the waiter said. They had decided what they wanted and assumed he was there to take their order. "We've had a complication in the kitchen and it's going to a while before we can get going again."

"A complication?" Alex asked.

"Uh, the kitchen caught on fire," the waiter said, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. "It was small and was out, but..."

"No, we understand," Alex said. She glared at Olivia, who was laughing.

"The wine is on the house," he said. "We apologize for the inconvenience."

"It's fine," Alex said. "Thank you for letting us know. We'll come back another time."

The waiter left and Alex looked over at Olivia who was still giggling.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, but you didn't happen to go into the kitchen when you went to the ladies room earlier did you?" Olivia said. "I mean, I know your history with catching kitchens on fire."

"Oh, shut up and get me some food, _detective_ ," Alex said.

"I have an idea, actually," Olivia said. "Our hotel is nearby. Why don't you go back there, change into something more comfortable, and I'll bring us back dinner. We can _relax_ in the room."

Alex agreed, and after Olivia had walked her to the hotel, she went to a local pizza place next door and then stopped at a market.

Alex headed up to the room and began to change out of her dress and into something more comfortable. It seems _more comfortable_ would have to be shorts and a t-shirt as Olivia seemed to forget to pack any of lingerie.

 _Oh well, it's not like we'll need any clothes later_ , Alex thought.

Olivia returned about half an hour later to Alex laying on the bed and reading her Kindle.

"Sorry it took so long," Olivia said. "But I brought pizza. And before you complain about it not being healthy, it's from one of your favorite places."

"It's perfect, Liv. And I'm starving," Alex said. "What's in the bag?"

"Oh, well, I got us some ice cream...hoping the mini fridge and freezer keeps it cold enough while we eat pizza."

Olivia sat the pizza down and quickly changed out of her dress and into her pajamas. When she was done, she tossed the pizza box on the bed and climbed in next to Alex.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Alex asked.

"It's our dinner," Olivia said.

"There is a perfectly good table we can eat at," Alex said.

"I'd rather eat here," Olivia said. "Besides my plans included not leaving this bed until we go home."

"There will be crumbs all -"

"Oh my God! You and the crumbs," Olivia said. "Just shut up and eat. Look at it as spontaneous and romantic."

"Eating pizza in bed is romantic?" Alex said, narrowing her eyes on Olivia and giving her a smirk.

"Anything I get to do in bed with you is romantic," Olivia said.

Alex finally gave in and took a slice of pizza. They sat and talked and laughed while they ate, and Alex tried her best not to freak out over all the crumbs getting in the bed.

"God, Liv, this was so much better than a stuffy dinner at a fancy restaurant," Alex said.

"So you're saying we can do this again? Crumbs and all?" Olivia teased.

"Don't get carried away, Liv," Alex said. "But yes, it felt good to relax and just be with you. Like, I know part of this weekend is for us be romantic and sexy and intimate, but more than any of it, even the sex, this is what I missed. Sitting here with you, talking, laughing, and not worrying about anything else. Well, except Noah, but I know he's in good hands."

"Me, too, Alex," Olivia said. "But just to be clear, we're still having sex this weekend, right?"

"Oh, definitely," Alex said, leaning in to kiss the brunette. Olivia maneuvered her hands to close the pizza box and tossed it on the floor before wrapping her hands around Olivia's waist. She laid them back on the bed and moved her lips down to Alex's neck.

"Do you want to have more kids, Liv?" Alex asked suddenly, causing Olivia to freeze what she was doing.

"What?"

"Do you want -"

"No, I heard you," Olivia said. "I uh, well, yeah, I kind of had that in mind, but I'm perfectly happy with our family now."

"Oh."

"Oh?" Olivia said, raising up so she could look Alex in the eyes.

"I mean, neither of us are getting younger," Alex said. "We're both in our mid-40s. I'd rather not be chasing around a toddler when we're in our 50s. I mean, Noah's permanent adoption will be finalized in a few months, and we could start looking into adoptions, surrogates, I could carry a child..."

"You'd want to do that?" Olivia said.

"I'd like for us to talk about it," Alex said. "And by talk about it, this time, I mean, actually talk about it and not have overnight to decide."

Olivia laughed. Noah had been _unexpected_ for them - in a good way.

"Okay, well, when we get home, let's talk about it," Olivia said. "In fact, there is something else we need to talk about, too."

Alex gave her a confused look.

"A new apartment?" Olivia said. "I do feel bad when your mom visits and sleeps on the couch. So, don't get mad at me, but I called our apartment management company, and if we want it, we can have the apartment directly above us."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Olivia said. "I mean, we'll need to decide in the next month, but if we want it, it's ours."

"Isn't it a three bedroom though?" Alex said. "I thought you wanted to look at two bedrooms?"

"Well, I thought about it, and you're right," Olivia said. "We can afford a bigger place. And putting Noah in his own room, and having a spare room for guests, or an office for you, could come in handy. Especially, if we want to have more kids."

Alex was quiet, and Olivia wasn't sure how to read her silence.

"I mean, if you want to look at other places, we can," Olivia said. "I just know how much you like the layout and view from our apartment now and -"

"It's perfect, Liv," Alex said. "I love the idea."

Olivia smiled and leaned forward to give her a kiss. "It's settled, then. I'll call them on Monday and let them know we'll take it, and then we can start _talking_ about our future children."

"Good, I can't wait," Alex said.

"I'm glad you're happy, Alex," Olivia said. "Now, do you know what I can't wait to do?"

"What would that be?"

"As much as I love talking to you and especially hearing your talk, I like it better when we're both too preoccupied for words," Olivia said.


	69. The Date - Part 2

A/N: This took a fun flashback detour, so there will also be a Date Chapter 3 coming.

Oh, and this is just all smut (but funny - and so worth it). So if you don't like the more mature chapters, you can skip :-)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THE DATE - PART 2**

" _As much as I love talking to you and especially hearing your talk, I like it better when we're both too preoccupied for words," Olivia said._

Olivia kissed Alex again while the blonde's hands made their way to Olivia's back. It had felt like so long since their lips touched - at least like this and for any significant amount of time - that they stayed like that for a while. Making out like two teenagers unsure of what they were supposed to do next. Of course, _they_ knew what to do next, but both wanted to savor the moment.

Alex's lips were as soft as they had ever been and taste of coconut oil - Alex's new favorite home remedy for everything. Olivia didn't mind though. Alex made everything taste better. As the fire inside her grew, her kisses grew harder and more passionate. Alex let out a soft moan as she gripped Olivia closer to her.

"Wait," Olivia said, pulling away and causing Alex to whimper at the loss of contact with Olivia's mouth.

"Wait?!" Alex said watching Olivia leave the bed. "Olivia Margaret Benson! You better get back to this bed right now."

"Settle down and keep your pants on," Olivia said. "Or, actually, settle down, but don't keep your pants on. Just give me a second to get into my bag."

Alex watched Olivia, but decided to take the time to undress herself. It would save time later.

"Okay, here we go," Olivia said, coming back to stand by the bed holding two sets of handcuffs. "I did promise to keep you under lock and key." She was smirking at Alex who was laying naked on the bed with an impatient look on her face.

"Uh, what are those?" Alex said staring at the shiny metal cuffs Olivia was dangling on her fingers.

"You've forgotten? I mean, what, does Hate Crimes use zip ties as cuffs over there now?"

"No, I mean, where are _our_ cuffs?" Alex said. "You know, the fuzzy ones."

"Honestly, I have no idea," Olivia said. "I looked and couldn't find them. That's what took me so long to finish packing today."

"You lost our handcuffs?!"

" _I_ lost them?" Olivia said. "When did keeping track of the handcuffs become my job?"

"Well, you are the _cop_. It's kind of your job to keep track of things like handcuffs," Alex smirked.

"They're probably just in the closet," Olivia said, moving forward as she pushed the cuffs open. "Now, are you going keep cross examining me, or put these on?"

"Did you bring -"

"Right here," Olivia said, pulling out handkerchiefs so they didn't leave marks on Alex's wrists. She climbed in bed, straddled Alex and sat up on her knees.

"It seems you've thought of everything," Alex said. "But I think I may resist arrest toni -"

Before Alex could finish what she was saying, Olivia had Alex's right wrist in the cuff and snapped the other end to the headboard slats.

"How did you -"

And again, Olivia grabbed the other wrist. Alex gasped at the quick moments of Olivia.

"Now, are you done with questions?" Olivia said smirking. Alex just smiled and nodded.

Olivia then took the handkerchiefs and slipped them between Alex's wrist and the cuffs. Then she closed the cuffs just a little more before double locking them so they didn't close in further.

Alex tugged to make sure they were good and secure while Olivia smirked at her.

"Well, this will be a new experience," Alex said.

"New?" Olivia said.

"We've never used your real cuffs," Alex said.

"Uh, that's not true," Olivia said. Alex gave her a confused look and Olivia leaned down and kissed Alex's neck before moving her lips to Alex's ear. "Did you forget about that time in the interrogation room?"

Alex took a deep breath as her eyes widened. "Uh, that was on the _never to be mentioned again_ list."

"What are you going to do about it?" Olivia said, raising back up and giving an eyebrow raise to Alex.

Alex narrowed her eyes on Olivia. "You at least better not have misplaced your key this time."

" _Me_?" Olivia burst out laughing. "No, it's right here on the nightstand. I don't think Fin would appreciate a midnight phone call to come help you out again. Well, actually, he probably wouldn't mind."

"You know, you're not helping your case right now," Alex said.

The last time, and only time, they had ever used Olivia's work cuffs, was one late night in the squad room. They had been out that weekend and Alex had convinced Olivia to go by the precinct to pick up a case file. It was late and deserted aside from Fin sleeping up in the crib.

Under normal circumstances, they would have ran right in and come right now, but they had been extra horny that weekend - having had sex the night before in the bathroom at the club. Still, it should have been fine, except for Alex whispering in Olivia ear as she dug through her desk.

"You know what I've always fantasized about, detective?" Alex said.

"After last night, I can't even imagine, but you can bet I'd be willing to do _anything_ ," Olivia said.

"Come on," Alex said, taking Olivia's hand and leading her to an interrogation room. When they reached the observation room, Alex pulled the shades to the squad room and locked the door behind them.

"Uh, Alex, what are you doing?" Olivia said. She was suddenly nervous and had a pretty damn good idea where this was going. She'd had the same fantasy, too, but would never act on it in a million years - not in her own squad room anyway.

Alex continued pulling her until they were in the interrogation room. Once the door was shut, she pushed Olivia up against it and pressed their lips together.

"This is your fantasy?" Olivia said.

"Oh, no," Alex said, reaching around to the back of her skirt and pulling Olivia's cuffs out. She dangled them on her finger and glanced back toward the table. " _This_ is my fantasy."

Olivia's breathing became deeper. Alex couldn't really want them to have sex right there in the interrogation room, on the table where they interrogated suspects. _But God, that would be hot._ Olivia had imagined it a million times, particularly when they were in the middle of heated argument. Pushing Alex back on the table and ...

"Where did you get my cuffs?" Olivia suddenly coherent enough again.

"From the car before we came inside," Alex said.

"You planned this," Olivia said. _Oh, Alex was serious_.

"Yes, and you just told me you would do _anything_ I wanted, Detective," Alex said. "And what I want is for you to cuff me and take me on that table over there."

"Fin..."

"...is sleeping," Alex said. "Now, do I have to cuff myself to the table or are you going -"

Olivia didn't care about rules anymore. She snagged the cuffs from Alex's hand and wrapped her hands around Alex's waist, carrying her back to the table, and reclaimed her mouth.

She pushed Alex's skirt up as she took her place between Alex's knees. Finally, she snapped a cuff on Alex's right wrist and the other side to the bar underneath the table they would cuff suspects to, forcing Alex to have to lay back on the table.

"And you're not wearing underwear?" Olivia said, reaching down to feel the heat coming from Alex. "My, my, counselor, someone has been engaging in some risky behavior."

Alex smirked. Her plan had certainly worked. Before she knew it, Olivia's tongue was between her, circling her clit. Alex moaned as as Olivia slipped her fingers inside her. She had already been so aroused that she knew she wouldn't last long. That was a good thing though, seeing as where they were.

Olivia did things to her that night she had only fantasized about before, and she knew the next time they interrogated someone in there, it would just be extra hot, knowing that in any moment that table was going to be covered with her wetness. Though, she did make a mental note to clean it as soon as they were done.

"Fuck, Liv!"

"Shhh, Alex, not so loud!" Oilvia said, reaching with her free hand up to Alex's mouth. "Oh, when you're ready, let go, and just bite down instead of screaming this time."

Alex gasped right before an orgasm ripped through her body, clamping her teeth into Olivia's hand.

"Fuck, Alex!"

"Hey, you told me to bite," ALex said.

"I know, but I didn't expect you to draw blood," Olivia said.

"What can I say? It was that good," Alex smirked.

Olivia had collapsed on top of Alex while they both caught their breath. But, they were both keenly aware that they didn't need to stay like that too long.

"Okay, we should probably get you out of those cuffs before Fin really does wake up," Olivia said, standing up. "What did you do with the key?"

"The key? You don't have it?" Alex said, sitting up, as Olivia pulled her skirt back down.

"Why would I have it? You're the one that stole my cuffs," Olivia said. "Tell me you brought it in from the car?"

"Uh..."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Fine, wait here."

Alex jerk her hand from the table. "Yeah, not going anywhere. Thanks." Sarcasm was dripping from her voice.

Olivia laughed. "So, you steal my handcuffs, trick me into fucking you on the interrogation room table, forget the key, and it's _my_ fault?"

"I don't think I had to do any _tricking_ you into anything, and just go get the key, please," Alex said.

Olivia left the interrogation and went to the observation room, unlocking the door before exiting. As she opened the door, Fin was turning the knob to come in.

"Fin!"

"Everything okay, Liv?" Fin said. "I heard yelling. You and Cabot aren't having another fight are you? And why are you even here?"

Olivia was seven shades of red and unable to answer any of his questions.

"Liv?" he said again, looking back over her shoulder and then saw it through the two-way mirror - Alex Cabot, sitting on the table, handcuffed to it, and using her free hand to straighten her hair and our clothes. He knew the look. Alex Cabot had just been fucked.

Fin's expression turned from concern to a huge grin. "Wow, Liv, I'm not sure what to say."

"Don't say anything, just tell me you have a handcuff key handy," Olivia said. "Ms. ADA in there forgot to get that when she stole my cuffs."

"Wait, this was Cabot's idea?" Fin said. He was genuinely surprised.

"Uh, nevermind, just give me your key," Olivia said.

"The way I see it, you owe me," he said. "So, let me be the one to go in there and uncuff her, and I'll keep your secret."

He didn't wait on Olivia to respond, just walked through the observation room and then into the interrogation room.

He stood at the door with his arms crossed until Alex noticed she wasn't alone. Olivia stood behind him with her head hung.

"Fin? What are you? Olivia, what the fuck?" Alex said, shooting a stare at Olivia.

"Relax, Counselor," Fin said. "I was already on my way in because I heard screaming. I swear, I just thought the two of you were having another of your epic fights."

"So, why are you still in here?" Alex said, clearly annoyed.

"I understand you need a handcuff key, and I said I would keep your little secret if Olivia let me do the honors," Fin said, face still covered in a grin.

"And you agreed to that?" Alex said, looking back at Olivia.

"She didn't agree to nothin'," Fin said. "Now, do you want out of those cuffs or not?"

Alex sighed and raised her wrist up to give Fin access to the lock.

Alex rubbed her wrist, and looked at the noticeable red marks - something the fuzzy cuffs didn't do. She'd have to remember that for the future.

"You ladies get out of here and have a good night," Fin said. "Don't worry about the table. I'll get the bleach out as soon as you leave."

"Not a word, Fin," Alex said.

"You have my promise, Counselor," Fin said.


	70. The Date - Part 3

A/N: More smut in here, followed by sweet, and then some funny stuff at the end. **You want to read this**.

We'll pick up next on when AO returns home from the date. I'm glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter and flashback so much. The reviews were wonderful.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THE DATE - PART 3**

"You know that we're going to need a shower after this," Alex said. She was still cuffed to the bed and had been for quite a while now, with Olivia paying her extra attention during their date night.

Currently, Olivia was sitting next to Alex feeding the blonde ice cream, after she had more than her own share from Alex's torso. The vanilla ice cream, or the remains of it, was dripping down Alex's body.

"You mean this doesn't help?" Olivia said, moving her mouth back down to Alex's stomach and licking all the way up to Alex's breast, taking in another spoonful of ice cream before closing her mouth around Alex's nipple.

"Mmm, oh, it helps, but I'd like to get you in the shower and return all the favors you've already given me tonight," Alex said.

Olivia reached over for the key and uncuffed Alex. They were both a mess, from the ice cream and from their other activities, and a shower sounded nice. Of course, anything that involved Alex naked sounded nice.

"Shower or jacuzzi?" Olivia asked when she went into the bathroom.

"Shower," Alex said, grabbing Olivia from behind and biting her ear. She kept her arms wrapped around her as she steered Olivia into the shower. She shut the glass door behind them and turned on the water. When Olivia tried to turn around to face her, she stopped her and forced her back toward the wall.

"I think after you've had me in cuffs all night, it's only fitting that I get to frisk you," Alex said. "So, put your hands on the wall, detective."

Olivia did as she was told. She enjoyed it when Alex took control of what she wanted.

Alex moved up against Olivia's back, sliding her hands against Olivia's stomach and pressed her center into Olivia's backside.

"Now, I'm going to need you to spread your legs for me," Alex said and watched Olivia move her feet apart.

"Oh, you're going to need to spread them wider than that, sweetheart," Alex whispered, dragging her tongue down Olivia's neck. Alex moved her right hand to the inside of Olivia's thighs, forcing them farther apart, and making sure to graze Olivia's core in the process. "That's it, just like that."

"Alex, if you don't touch me soon, I'm going to die," Olivia muttered.

"I think you're being a little over dramatic," Alex said. She pushed in closer to Olivia, allowing her own wetness to coat Olivia's backside. "But you have been awful compliant, so I should start the frisk."

With one hand around OLivia's waist, holding them in place, she moved her right hand gently down Olivia's arm and her mouth to Olivia's neck. She swapped hands and did the same motion on the left side. She finally moved both hands around to Olivia's breast.

"It seems you have some hard objects on your person," Alex said. "I may need to inspect closer." She squeezed both Olivia's nipples with her fingers while biting down on Olivia's shoulder.

"God, Alex," Olivia said.

ALex continued moving her hands down. "I can already tell this spot is going to need closer inspection," she said, running her hands between Olivia's legs and finally letting her finger dive in. Olivia immediately began to move with her rhythm, pushing into Alex. Alex pushed her closer up against the wall, to where Alex had her pinned with her body.

Finally, Olivia yelped as a wave thrust through her body and Alex felt her fingers constricted from Olivia before being covered with a warmthness. Olivia was still panting when Alex turned her around and knelt in front of her.

"Alex, I'm not -"

Alex's mouth immediately found Olivia's south region and she began to gently caress her.

"You were saying?" Alex smirked, looking up at Olivia.

"Nothing," Olivia managed to get out, tilting her head back. She was pretty sure she was about to collapse...and she was right. Within a few minutes, Alex had brought her back over the top and had to catch Olivia when her thighs began to give out on her.

Back in bed, both women were naked and exhausted. Olivia reached down for the pizza box that had long been tossed aside.

"Pizza," Olivia said, offering Alex a slice.

"God, yes," Alex said. "I'm starved. We worked up quite an appetite."

"Oh, no complaints about the crumbs now?" Olivia teased.

"None at all," Alex said. "In fact, this, tonight, has been perfect." She pushed the pizza box aside and pulled Olivia into her.

"I love you so much, Liv," Alex said. "And the only way I could imagine our life any better is if we hadn't screwed it up so badly before. But we're here now. With the unexpected blessing of Noah. With jobs we both love. With a supportive family. And there is no one else in the world I'd rather eat pizza and ice cream in bed with."

Olivia noticed tears were forming in Alex's eyes, and she moved her hand to wipe them away.

Alex continued. "I'm so sorry that I left you, Olivia. Not once, but twice. I can't change our past, but our future, I want everything for it. And I know, as long as I have you and Noah, we'll have it because we already do. What I'm saying is...marry me, Olivia Margaret Benson."

She reached over to her night stand and pulled out a ring. Not _her_ ring, but a ring she had made just for Olivia.

"I know that you had a ring for me, but this one is for you, and I'm not forcing you to make any decision right now, I just want you to know that I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you."

Olivia's face turned into a big grin.

"What is it Olivia? Can you please say something...I'm dying here."

Olivia reached behind her to her nightstand.

"Yes. I'll marry you, Alexandra Caroline Cabot." She opened up the ring box. The ring she had planned to give Alex years ago. The ring she planned to propose to Alex with in the morning.

"I guess great minds think alike," Olivia said.

The two women embraced and kissed before exchanging their engagement rings.

"I didn't ruin anything for you, did I?" Alex said. "I mean, you brought the ring because..."

"I planned to propose in the morning, but no, you absolutely didn't ruin anything," Olivia said. "In fact, you made this, us, even more perfect. Also, I've been carrying that ring around for months now, waiting for the right moment. But it turns out, I didn't need the right moment, I just needed you to make it perfect."

"Listen, Alex, I know you apologized for leaving, and yes, that was hard on me, but I also gave up on us," Olivia said. "It wasn't just you that left that night. I mean, you came back and gave us a chance. I ran. But, when I got back, I promised myself never to do that again. So like it not, you're stuck with me."

"Oh, I think I like it," Alex said, leaning forward and kissing Olivia once more.

#

 _Meanwhile, back at the Benson / Cabot Residence..._

"Noah, you really did make a mess with these toys," Caroline said, looking at the living room. "Can you help us pick them up?"

Noah waddled around the living room, picking up toys and putting them back in the toy box.

"Baaa!"

"Yes, Noah, that's your ball," Caroline said. Noah threw it in the box.

"What have you got there Noah?" Caroline said, reaching out for the new fuzzy item in Noah's

"Mom-my," Noah said. He handed it over to Caroline.

"What are these -" Caroline began to say.

"Mom!" Rebecca yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Noah handed me these...oh!" Caroline said, realizing the pink fuzzy thing she was holding wasn't a toy...at least not for Noah. It was Mommy and Mama's toy.

"Give me that!" Rebecca said, grabbing the cuffs barely between two fingers as if she didn't want to touch them. "Looks like someone has been playing in Mommy's closet."

Noah giggled and continued picked up toys.

"What should we do with them? Put them in their dresser or something?" Caroline asked.

"Oh, no," Rebecca said. "We're going to have way more fun torturing them than that."

"I don't know," Caroline said. "I'd rather not think about what they do with those."

Rebecca gave her mom a curious look. "Three things: One, I'm pretty sure the fact that we're babysitting, and these found their way in the toy box, means that they haven't had time to use these in a long time. Two, you make sex jokes to Alex all the time, why do some harmless cuffs bother you? And three, Olivia is a cop. What did you expect? I wouldn't be surprised if they fooled around in Olivia's squad room or on Alex's desk."

Caroline rolled her eyes and shuttered. "Stop. I may make sex jokes, but it doesn't mean I want to _know_ what they do."

"You mean, you don't want to know what kind of things Liv does to your daughter," Rebecca said. "Speaking of which, could you try not to call her Alexandra in front of me?"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Trust me, you don't," Rebecca said.


	71. Post-Date

A/N: Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I liked it a lot, too, and thought having Alex be the one to propose first would be a nice change. I'm going to skip forward after this chapter (though I _guess_ doing Noah's official adoption would be good). I'm probably not going to write a wedding chapter...just skip to after. Planning out some more life stuff, and planning to bring back at least one character from the past.

Also, plan to start working through some more recent episodes, with the spin of how Liv would handle them with Alex and Noah. (i.e. Townhouse Incident, etc...)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: POST-DATE**

 _KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK._

"Ugh, who is at the door?" Alex mumbled into Olivia's pillow. She was snuggled against the brunette and her arm was draped across Olivia, who was also just waking up.

"I ordered breakfast for us last night before, well, before I realized we'd be staying up most of the night," Olivia said. She rolled over and got out of bed, grabbing her robe to cover up.

She walked to the door to meet the staff member who rolled a cart inside. She signed for breakfast and thanked him before he left.

Olivia had ordered all the fixings for their breakfast. Heart-Shaped Pancakes with strawberries. Bacon. Orange juice and champagne for mimosas. And of course, coffee.

Of course, the planned proposal came early and unexpected, but Olivia didn't care. She was happy just to wake up next to her fiancée. Alex proposing to her came as a complete and beautiful surprise.

"Wow, you really went all out," Alex said, getting up and walking over to where Olivia was putting out their breakfast.

"Well, it is a special morning," Olivia said. "It's my first time having breakfast with my financée."

"That's sweet," Alex said. "Wait, you said you ordered this early last night, how did... OH! This. This is when you were going to..."

"Yes, but trust me, your way was so much better," Olivia said. "Now, do you want a mimosa or coffee?"

"Both," Alex said, grinning.

After finishing breakfast and checking out of the hotel, Olivia and Alex took advantage of Caroline's warning to not come home too early. They went on a walk through Central Park, holding hands, and each admiring the feeling of the new ring on their finger. After their walk, they took a carriage ride. They had done it a few months early with Noah, but this time was far more romantic.

After spending all of the morning and much into the afternoon walking, talking, and just relaxing together, it was finally time to go home. They both missed Noah madly and couldn't wait to see him. They also couldn't wait to tell Alex's mother and sister about their engagement. Alex's mother had been asking pretty much since they got back together. Alex sent a text to tell them they were on their way home, in case they had taken Noah out to the park. They were there and would be waiting.

"Noah, sweetie, we're home," Alex said when they came through the door.

Noah came running over to them, both his hands locked into the fuzzy handcuffs. Alex and Olivia's eyes widened.

"Mama! Mommy!"

"Mom, why does he have those on?" Alex said, snapping her head over toward her mother. She hadn't seen Rebecca yet who was watching from the kitchen.

"What? These handcuffs? They were in his toy box. I figured he liked being like his Mommy," Caroline said with a smirk. Rebecca had finally convinced her to play along with her joke.

"Uh, yeah, that's uh, what they are," Olivia said. "But here, why don't we take them off so I can give Noah a big hug."

Olivia reached down and unlocked them, taking them off Noah, and tucking them into her back pocket.

"I thought the pink fuzz was a bit odd for Noah," Caroline said. "I mean, I remember your brother used those plastic grey ones. But fuzzy pink works too, I suppose."

Rebecca couldn't believe her mother was able to do this with a straight face as hesitant as she had been the night before about it.

"Uh, yeah, they were a gift," Alex said.

"From who?" Caroline said.

"What?" Alex replied.

"Who bought the fuzzy cuffs for Noah?" Caroline said. "I'd like to know where they got them. I mean, they're much softer than even the plastic ones, and I have to get a birthday gift for your cousin's son, Eric, soon, so..."

"Casey got them," Alex said. "And I don't know from where."

"Well, can you find out?" Caroline said. "Why don't you just call her right now?"

"Mother..."

"If you don't want to call, Olivia can," Caroline said. "I need to pick up a gift soon and -"

Suddenly Rebecca burst out laughing from the kitchen, causing Alex to snap her head over.

"You!" Alex growled. "You did this, didn't you?"

Caroline finally started laughing too, letting Olivia and Alex know she was in on it, too.

"Well, if you paid more attention to your uh, toys, we wouldn't have had this problem," Rebecca said. "They really were in Noah's toy box."

Alex glared at Olivia. "Well, someone insisted on keeping them in the lower part of the closet and not the top shelf," Alex said. "And Mom, I can't believe you went along with this...much less let her put them on Noah."

"I bribed her with coffee cake," Rebecca said. "She was a horrified last night as you are right now."

Olivia cleared her throat. As embarrassed as she was, she knew they had more important things to share with Alex's family.

"Alex and I have some news to share," Olivia said.

"Oh! Yes, we do!" Alex said, suddenly losing her anger at her sister and remember the really great news they had to share.

Olivia bent down to pick up Noah and held him. She smiled at Alex and nodded, giving her the signal for her to do the honors.

"I asked Olivia to marry me last night, and she said yes," Alex said.

"Wait, _you_ proposed?" Caroline said. "I thought -"

"She beat me to the punch," Olivia said. "I planned to do it over breakfast this morning. But, Alex's way, was so much better."

"Oh my! I'm so happy for the two of you," Caroline said, pulling all three of them in for a hug.

"I'm really excited for you as well," Rebecca said. "I even feel a little bad for torturing you today now." She walked over to give Alex a hug, before hugging Olivia.

"What about you, Noah?" Caroline said. "Are you happy your Mommy's are finally going to get married? It's about time, huh?"

Noah just clapped. He could tell something exciting was happening, but still had no clue as to what. Olivia finally sat him back down on the floor and took their bags to the bedroom.

"I was going to cook dinner later for you all to celebrate, since I knew what Olivia's plan was," Caroline said. "That is, unless you all want to be alone."

They both smiled at each other. "No, we had a nice weekend and dinner with our family, including you and Rebecca, sounds perfect," Alex said. "Why don't I help you in the kitchen, mom?"

Olivia and Rebecca moved to the living room and watched Noah play on the floor. Olivia noticed Rebecca smirking at her.

"Is that a bite mark I see on the base of your neck?" Rebecca said. "I guess you two really did have a good time last night."

Olivia blushed, but only for a moment. She was used to questions like this from Rebecca and smiled in return.

"Your sister," Olivia said, with an eye roll. "She can get a little loud, I guess."

"You guess?" Rebecca said. "I'm still traumatized from spending one week here. How many noise complaints did you get?"

"How did you ... I can see why Alex _loves_ you so much," Olivia said sarcastically. Rebecca just stared at her, waiting for an answer. "Fine, we only got one. Which is why ..."

"I understand."

A few minutes later Caroline joined them on the couch.

"Alex went to unpack and dinner is in the oven," Caroline said. "Olivia, I am so very happy for you and Alexand- uh, you and Alex." Rebecca rolled her eyes and snickered, and Olivia gave her soon-to-be sister-in-law a suspicious glare.

"We're very happy, too, Caroline," Olivia said.

"Listen, before you and Alex get married, I feel like I, well, _we_ , owe you an apology," Caroline said.

"You don't need to do that," Olivia said. She knew what was coming. It had never been mentioned by any of them that keeping their secret caused a large problem in her relationship with Alex. Olivia knew it wasn't their fault, and Alex had worked everything out with her family. That was the important part of Olivia.

"I know you think we don't _need_ to do it, but we want to," Caroline said and Rebecca nodded along. "I was wrong all of those years ago to ask you to keep something like this from Alex. I was trying to protect my family and Alex, and I didn't realize how much it was going end up hurting her in the end...hurting both of you. I just feel like if things had been different..."

"Don't," Olivia said, reaching out to grab Caroline's hand. "This isn't your fault. Alex and I had a lot of issues to work through back then. And while I wish things had been different, we somehow made it through. If we hadn't taken that time from each other, we may not be here right now."

"I know, but our family secret shouldn't have been what forced the issue," Caroline said. "It was wrong of us to put you in the position to hurt Alex like that. It was an impossible position for you to be in. And I know you did it to keep the peace between us, and to protect our family as well. But, I'm sorry and I will always regret it."

"I forgive you," Olivia said. "I forgave that a long time ago and accepted my own responsibility. But, I do love Alex, and I would do anything for her."

"I know," Caroline said. "And John knew that, too. He told me after the first time he met you, after you and Alex left, how happy he was to know that someone else was there to take care of his baby girl."

"I always will," Olivia said.

"See that you do," Caroline said. "I know that you love her, and she loves you, but I still have to give out my motherly warning."

The three of them looked up when Alex cleared her throat from the kitchen. She had obviously been watching and listening to their conversation.

"What? You guys didn't feel the need to threaten Olivia with a gun this time?" Alex said, smirking.

Olivia turned her head slightly confused. She got up to meet Alex in the kitchen.

"No need, dear," Caroline said. "I think Olivia will do quite alright by you."

"Me, too," Alex said, leaning into Olivia and kissing her on the cheek. "Me, too."


	72. Surrendering Noah

A/N: I'll probably get one more chapter out tonight. We'll be jumping ahead past the adoption and wedding (I'll consider coming back and doing wedding later, but I am anxious to move ahead with some ideas in my head).

This chapter starts with Undercover Monday, when Olivia found out about Noah's father, and goes through her decision in Surrendering Noah. The next chapter will give a summary of what took place.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 16.23 SURRENDERING NOAH**

 _February - Undercover Mother_

Alex walked through the door home late from work. She hung up her jacket and made her way to the living room to find Olivia sitting on the couch, holding Noah and reading to him as he drifted to sleep. Nothing was out of the ordinary except for Olivia's red, puffy eyes. It looked like she had been crying.

"I just passed Melinda leaving on my way in. Is everything okay?" Alex said. Olivia hadn't even noticed Alex enter the room. They had just recently moved into the bigger place, and Caroline had been right, it was much easier to not see the other's presence.

"Alex, I didn't even see you there," Olivia said.

"What's wrong? You look like you've been crying. Is it a case? Is Noah okay?"

Olivia swallowed but didn't answer. She got up with Noah and carrying his sleeping body to his bedroom and put him in bed.

"Sit down, Alex," Olivia said. "We need to talk."

Alex slowly sat on the couch. Olivia was shaken up, and Alex hadn't seen her like this in a long time. She sat next to Alex.

"There was a DNA match. Melinda found Noah's biological father," Olivia said.

"She was looking?"

"No, but because he's in the system when the DNA runs..." Olivia said.

"I understand," Alex said. She took a sharp breath. They knew this day may come, but they were _so close_ to finalizing the adoption. _What if Noah's dad wanted custody?_ "Who is it?"

"Johnny D."

"The pimp?"

Olivia nodded. "It came up during the current case against him. Melinda came to tell us personally because she wanted to keep it off the books. She says it doesn't need to be disclosed because it has no bearing on his current case, and..."

"And we won't disclose it," Alex said. "We have no legal obligation to do so, and there is no way I'm letting Johnny D get anywhere near Noah."

Olivia was quiet.

"Olivia, this is a good thing," Alex said. "From what you've told me, he's going away for life, and he'll never have to know the truth."

"A good thing? You think it's a good thing that our son's father is a pimp and a rapist?" Olivia said, as she got up from the couch and began pacing. "How could you say that, Alex? I mean, you have no idea -"

"Woah, Olivia, no, I didn't mean it like that," Alex said, realizing what she had said and just why Olivia was getting so upset. "And no, you're right, I don't know how it feels. But what I mean is, Noah never has to know those things about his father."

"Are you suggesting we keep it from him?"

"I'm just saying we don't have to decide that right now, Olivia," Alex said. "When Noah is old enough, then..."

"Then what? Then we'll tell him we've known his father was a rapist all these years and didn't tell him?"

"Okay, I'm not suggesting we don't tell him," Alex said. "But what I'm saying is, Johnny D is going away. He never has to know Noah is his son. He never has any reason to know. I mean, if it was someone else, someone who could make a claim..."

"It's still a lie."

"And it's also in Noah's best interest to not say anything," Alex said. "I mean, Jesus, Olivia! In three months. THREE! Noah will be officially our son and we'll be married. How could you possibly think this is a good idea? How could you possibly want to risk everything we've worked so hard to get back?"

Olivia looked down. Alex was right. They didn't have to do this. And it would be risky. Johnny D would use it to his advantage. To get back at SVU. But lies...well, they never worked out well for her.

"I'm going to bed to read," Olivia said. "We can talk about it tomorrow."

"As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to talk about," Alex said.

Olivia turned and went to the bedroom. She picked up her book, but after not being able to focus, she cried herself to sleep while Alex sat working in the living room.

The following morning, Alex went to work early while Olivia decided to go in late. She called Barba and asked him to come over after Alex left. If Barba agreed that Johnny D didn't need to know, she'd drop it. At least, she hoped she could.

"Just tell me that he doesn't have to know," Olivia said.

"He doesn't," Barba said. "It's no exculpatory in any way. He never needs to find out."

"We've already started the adoption paperwork," Olivia said.

"How could you be expected to know who is father was?" Barba said. "What did Alex say?"

"The same thing you did," Olivia said.

"Olivia, I know you want to do the right thing, but trust me, the best thing for Noah - for all of you - is to keep this information to yourself," Barba said.

#

 _May - Surrendering Noah_

"I can't believe in just a week, Noah will be ours, and we'll be getting married," Alex said. She and Olivia were having dinner at home while Rebecca and Caroline took Noah out for the evening and to the movies.

"I know, I can't wait, either," Olivia said, with a half-smile.

"What is it?" Alex asked. She could tell something was off.

Olivia just sighed and looked Alex. Alex knew what it was. They had argued about it on several occasions since finding out about Noah's father.

"It's just, I was talking to Barba and -"

"You told your ADA about this? Olivia!" Alex was yelling now and furious.

"No, I told my friend about this, hypothetically, speaking," Olivia said. "And don't worry, he agrees with you."

"Then _what_ is your problem?" Alex asked.

"Alex, lying doesn't usually work out for me...for us," Olivia said.

"Oh, don't you dare go there, Olivia," Alex said. "This is different, and you know it."

"It's not different," Olivia said.

"I can't believe you," Alex said. "The one time you want to play by the rules - which aren't even the rules, by the way - it threatens our entire future!"

"Excuse me?"

"I just mean that how many times over the years have you, in the course of your job, played fast and loose with the rules? And here, the one time it literally is okay to not say something, you want to do this."

"This has nothing to do with my job," Olivia spat back. "And I would think you of all people would understand how devastating family secrets could be. They always come back to haunt you."

"Oh, that's what this is about," Alex said. "You want to, what, assuage your guilt?"

"I didn't think I needed to, still," Olivia said, fiery eyes narrowing in on Alex. "And no, this has to do with starting our family off on the right foot."

"You mean like my family didn't?" Alex said.

"Dammit, Alex!" Olivia said. "Stop it and listen to yourself. Are you kidding me? You think your family secrets bother me? My father is a rapist. Do you think I _want_ Noah to have that knowledge? Don't you think I'd do anything in my power to keep him from that?"

"Then do it," Alex said. "I mean, I swear Olivia, it's as if you look for ways to keep yourself from being happy; like you don't deserve it. But your happiness is my happiness now."

Olivia finally sat back down. Their voices had calmed, and volume lowered when they realized they were screaming at each other over this...again.

"Come here," Olivia said, reaching out to take Alex's hand and guide her to sit back down next to her. "I love you; you know that, right? And I want you to be happy. And I want Noah to be happy. You two are my world, and I would never want to jeopardize that. I love you both so much.

"But, Alex, I don't think the risk to our happiness is in telling the secret, I think it's in keeping it. A secret almost destroyed our relationship once. We can't let another one do the same thing, be it now or down the road. Look at what it's already doing to us. What happens when Noah starts asking questions? What happens if Johnny D finds out after the fact? How is it going to look when the Sgt. of the squad that arrested him is also the adoptive mother of his child? Look, I know you're afraid. I am, too, but we have to do this the right way. Secrets don't usually work out too well for us."

Alex laid her head back. Olivia was right. She knew Olivia was right from the beginning, but she was so afraid.

"Okay," Alex said. "We'll tell the court. But Liv, if this doesn't work out...I just, I don't know if I'll ever get over it."

"I know," Olivia said, tears falling. "But..."

"I know, we can't start our family on a lie," Alex said, also crying.

Neither of them said it, but they knew taking this risk, even if it was the right thing to do, was dangerous. And if it backfired, their relationship would never survive. Alex not knowing if she could ever forgive Olivia, and Olivia knowing she'd have to live with the regret forever.


	73. Transgender Bridge

A/N: This episode is pretty heart-breaking. Always reminded me of "Fallacy" not so much because the case is similar, but with the similar names, I wondered if that was on purpose. Anyway, I saw a good round about back to some past for our ladies.

Coming Up: Will do some more S17 episodes, and bring in Dodds :( - Also, will break from episodes and prob bring Alex sister back a bit, and Emma (Alex's friend from Congo). Since we're running out of episodes, I thought some past faces would make things fun. Munch, too.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 17.03 TRANSGENDER BRIDGE**

 _Two Months Later - Summer 2015_

A lot had happened in the time from finding out who Noah's father was. Noah's adoption was official, and they had gotten married in a small ceremony shortly after. Nick had been shot in a courtroom shootout with Johnny D. He survived but decided to leave SVU and move to LA to be closer to his children. Olivia had taken the Lieutenant's Exam at Tucker's recommendation.

Most of all, Olivia and Alex's risk had paid off. Johnny D tried to use it to his advantage to get a deal, but Olivia refused, despite objections from Barba. In the end, when Johnny D's back was against the wall, he took a court officer's gun and started the shootout, which ended in his death.

It wasn't pretty, but a pimp, rapist, and sex trafficker was gone forever, and Noah would be forever protected from him. It wasn't ideal, but Olivia and Alex rejoiced that it was over, and they could move ahead with their life together with Noah with a clean conscious.

#

Olivia came home from work late the day after they caught the Avery Parker case, a transgendered teen who had been pushed off a bridge in the park by three other teenagers. The assault had been caught on video, and they had their suspects, but it still broke Olivia's heart. It reminded her so much of the Cheryl Avery case and infuriated her that all these years later, this type of fear and prejudice still existed.

"You know, the worst part is that the kid who actually shoved her over the bridge was probably the one that showed the most remorse," Olivia said, filling Alex in on the case. "He said he didn't want his friends to think he was gay. Can you believe that? I mean, we're still dealing with this."

"Is Barba going to try him as an adult?" Alex asked.

"No, Barba is out of town for training, but it's staying in family court. Pippa has the case," Olivia said. "What's amazing is that Avery was genuinely interested in hearing what Darius' mother had to say. She's such a strong girl and has supportive parents. It makes me wonder how things would have turned out for Cheryl if her parents had been supportive."

Alex was quiet. She hated thinking of the Cheryl Avery case. Knowing she was responsible for putting her in prison, only to be housed with males and be beaten and raped her first night there. She was just doing her job, but it still hurt after all this time. It had also been the moment when she knew she had to leave SVU. She needed that time away from it.

As the case went on, Olivia would fill Alex in each night. When Avery suddenly died, a result of injuries from her fall, it shocked the entire squad room, not to mention her parents.

"What's going to happen to the boys now? Surely they will face something harsher than probation and juvenile detention now?" Alex asked over dinner that night.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I guess that is up to Pippa."

"They need to be tried as adults, at least the one who pushed her," Alex said. "I mean, you're looking at a hate crime. In fact, I don't know how it ended up in SVU in the first place and not Hate Crimes."

Olivia didn't like where Alex was going with this and got defensive. "It ended up in SVU because the detectives from the local precinct and your hate crime squad didn't do anything about her harassment before it got this far."

"I still can't believe the DA is okay with it being in family court," Alex said. "A line has to be drawn somewhere on these attacks."

"Well, that's not our decision, now is it?" Olivia said. "Now, if we're done talking about work, I'd like to have some time with my wife tonight for us to plan our honeymoon."

"That sounds nice," Alex said, smiling.

"I know we've put it off longer than we intended, but with Nick leaving..."

"It's okay, we both have a lot happening," Alex said. "We'll figure it out soon enough, but in the meantime, we can dream of a vacation."

#

"Sgt. Benson, we need to talk about the Avery Parker murder."

Olivia was in the SVU precinct with her squad and Pippa Cox discussing what was going to happen to Darius McCrae in wake of the M.E. ruling Avery's death a direct result of the fall. They all turned around to see a "suit" walk in.

"Of course," Olivia said, unsure why he was there. "Kenneth O'Dwyer, meet Pippa Cox."

"It's nice to see you again, Ms. Cox," he said. "You'll want to be in on this meeting, too."

Olivia gave him a suspicious look. O'Dwyer was a new transfer to the Manhattan DA's office, and Olivia had met him a few times recently through Alex. He was an upper-level ADA and frequently tried cases in Hate Crimes, which Alex oversaw.

"The DA's office is taking over the prosecution," O'Dwyer explained to them.

Olivia, Fin, Pipp, and O'Dwyer went into Olivia's office to talk. Fin wasn't much for taking leadership, but he didn't like the way the entire blame of the scenario was being put on Darius and not the other two boys.

"You know Darius is only 15 years old," Fin said before O'Dwyer even had a chance to say anything else.

"Yes, and if he's tried in family court, he'll be charged with juvenile delinquency and be back out on the street again when he's 18," O'Dwyer said.

"You're looking to charge him as an adult?" Olivia said, not believe what she was hearing.

"Second-degree manslaughter."

"We can charge that in family court," Pippa reminded him.

"We can, but we won't, and the DA wants to attach a hate crime," O'Dwyer said.

"Ok, wow," Olivia said. She was surprised, and while she could see some of the reasoning behind it, she was furious. She was furious with Alex.

"There's an epidemic of attack on trans person. We have to take a stand," he said.

 _Oh, now we want to take a stand?_ "Yes, but I don't think that this is that case," Olivia said. "Darius seems like a good kid."

"He went after Avery. He taunted her. And he pushed her off a bridge," O'Dwyer said. "We have to draw a line."

 _We have to draw a line._ That was it. That was the moment Olivia was 100% certain Alex had more than a hand in O'Dwyer being in her office. It's like she practically spoonfed him what to say. _DA, my ass._ Fin glanced over at Olivia. He knew, too, it seemed.

Olivia and Alex had planned to get dinner later that night, so Alex came by the squad room at the end of the day to pick up Olivia. Fin and Rollins had just gotten back from arresting Darius and bringing him in. They were still in Olivia's office briefing her.

"Counselor, it's good to see you," Carisi said when Alex walked in. "By the way, you and Sarg both looked beautiful at your wedding."

"Thanks, Detective," Alex said. "Is she around?"

"She's in with Fin and Amanda," he said. "They'll probably be out soon. They've been in there for a while. They just went to pick up Darius."

Alex swallowed. She wasn't sure if they'd picked him up yet or not, but she knew that whatever their dinner plans had been, they were likely about get complicated.

Olivia's door opened, and Amanda and Fin walked out, both with their heads down.

"Hi, Detectives," Alex said, greeting them both.

Amanda barely looked up at her and just walked by to her desk. Alex walked over to Fin.

"Liv's on the phone," he said, not giving her much eye contact either. "You might wanna give her a minute."

"How did it go with Darius?" Alex asked.

"Like you care," he mumbled. "You know, Alex, I've known you a long time, and you may be Liv's wife now, but that was a bitch ass move."

"Excuse me, Detective Tutuola?" Alex said voice raising. Carisi and Amanda looked up.

Fin lowered his voice. "I'm just saying, I expected more of you, Counselor. Going by Liv's and our backs and stealing our case like that."

"It shouldn't have been your case to begin with, and if you forgot, a young girl is dead," Alex said, moving closer to Fin and also lowering her voice.

"It wouldn't have been our case if your boys had done their jobs in the first place. If they had, Avery would still be alive," Fin said. "I think you've forgotten just how hard our job is over here."

"I'll have you know -" Alex said, voice rising again.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Olivia said, coming out of her office and not realize it was Alex and Fin causing the commotion.

"Nothin' Sarg," Fin said. "Sorry. I was just leaving. Better go make sure Darius isn't committing anymore hate crimes in lockup." He turned and walked away from Alex. Alex turned around and made eye contact with Olivia for the first time. Olivia motioned for her to come in the office and she shut the door behind her.

"Are you ready to leave for dinner?" Alex asked, and Olivia gave her a look that said she couldn't believe that's what she was asking right now.

"You know, I'm not really in the mood tonight," Olivia said. "That happens when the DA's office comes in and tramples all over my case."

"You're upset," Alex said.

"What was your first clue?" Olivia said sarcastically.

"Oh, maybe Fin chewing my ass out," Alex said. "Which, thanks for defending me, by the way."

"I hardly think you're defenseless," Olivia said. "But you're right, Fin shouldn't have said anything to you. I'll talk to him."

"Olivia, can we not do this here?" Alex said. "I'm tired, and I'm hungry."

"Well, I don't feel like going out to dinner," Olivia said.

"We have planned this for a week," Alex said. "Date night, remember? Noah's with Lucy tonight."

"Fine, we can order in, then," Olivia said. "I just want to go home."

They arrived home a while later, take-out in hand, and both quickly changed out of their work clothes. The point of the night was supposed to be for them to be intentional about their time together. No work. No Noah. Just them. With their schedules, and with Noah, they knew it would be easy to lose focus of that. That's why they implemented date night.

They didn't talk much after leaving the squad room, or while they were eating dinner. Olivia was pissed, and Alex knew it.

"So, are you going to talk to me at all tonight?" Alex finally said.

"I don't know. I mean, don't you and the DA's office need to be reviewing more SVU cases to see which ones you can take away to serve the agenda of the DA's office," Olivia said.

"Stop it," Alex said. "You know that I -"

"You what?" Olivia said. "Didn't have a hand in this? I mean O'Dwyer basically repeated everything you said to me last night. Did you think I wouldn't pick up on that? _We need to draw a line?_ "

"Olivia, it's a Hate Crime, and you know it," Alex said. "And for what it's worth, I didn't approach the DA; he approached me."

"And you gave him plenty of ammunition," Olivia said. "I mean, you couldn't even be bothered to give me a courtesy call? You just blindsided us all, Pippa included."

"I should have called, but it all happened so fast," Alex said. "And I didn't want this."

"This?"

"This. Fighting with you over it in the middle of the work day," Alex said. "Not that I wanted to fight about it tonight either."

"Did you not even considering what was best for Darius," Olivia said. "He didn't mean to hurt her."

"Darius? The victim here is Cheryl," Alex said, not realizing her mistake.

"Avery," Olivia corrected. Alex looked at her confused. She still didn't realize what she had said. "The victim's name is Avery Parker. Not Cheryl Avery."

Alex took a deep breath. She suddenly realized what she had said.

"That's what this is about, isn't it?" Olivia asked.

"What?"

"Cheryl Avery," Olivia said. "All these years and you still feel guilty."

"Wouldn't you?"

"So, what, Darius is the sacrificial lamb so you can ease your conscious? It won't change anything that happened to Cheryl. Or is it the DA's office to actually show they give a damn about the transgendered community?"

"Darius is not a sacrificial lamb. He is responsible for Avery's death. He went after her. Taunted her. And pushed her off the bridge," Alex said.

"Yeah, I already heard O'Dwyers argument today," Olivia said. "I don't need to hear it again."

"And how dare you say this is about Cheryl Avery?" Alex said. "Yes, I hated that case. My heart broke for her. You saw what it did to me, so for you to sit here and say I'm trying to make up for my guilt... I don't even know how to respond to that.

"And I'll have you know, since I took over Hate Crimes we have tried to support the trans community. But thank you, Olivia. Thanks for the vote of confidence in your wife. Thanks for letting me know I'm not doing my job to your standards."

Alex got up from the table and dumped the remainder of her food in the garbage. Tears were beginning to fall from her face.

"I don't understand what you want. Justice for her. Compassion for him. Which is it, Olivia?"

She turned and went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Olivia got up to clean her plate and put dinner away. By the time she was done, Lucy was home with an already sleeping Noah, so she took him and put him down in his bedroom before joining Alex in the bedroom.

"Can I come in?" Olivia asked as she slowly pushed the door open. Alex was sitting on the bed reading.

Alex looked up and nodded.

"Noah's home," Olivia said. "He was already sleeping when Lucy got here. He barely even opened his eyes as I changed him into his pajamas and put him down."

Alex smiled thinking of how hard Noah slept and how hard it was to do anything with him when he was that sleepy. Both women had had some time to think about their fight. They made it a rule to try their best never to go to bed angry, so they knew if that was going to hold up, they were going to need to talk.

"The DA really did want this case, Liv," Alex said in a soft tone. "But you're right, I should have given you a heads up, and at least some time to prep for that possibility for O'Dwyer came charging in. I'm sorry."

"I know," Olivia said. "I was just surprised, that's all. And I felt blindsided by my wife in front of my squad. But I'm also sorry for getting so upset with you, and letting Fin talk to you that way."

"It's okay," Alex said. "He was right. I have forgotten how 'gray' your cases can be. And it's Fin. He'll be over it by tomorrow."

Olivia laughed. Alex was right. Fin would say what was on his mind, but he wasn't one for holding grudges usually.

"Listen, Alex, I was out of line about bringing up Cheryl Avery earlier," Olivia said. "You're right. I know how hard that case was on you - on both of us - and I was wrong to bring it up. I know you're only doing your job on this case, just like you were back then."

"It has been on my mind, and I would be lying if I didn't want to try for us to get it right this time with such a high-profile case," Alex said. "I mean, when I think about the fact that we're still fighting the same things we were fighting over ten years ago, it makes me so angry."

"I know," Olivia said, wrapping her arms around Alex. "Which is why you're so good at your job. Prosecutor or not, you're a superhero fighting for those who can't always fight back, the protected classes that need fighting for sometimes."

Alex looked Olivia in the eyes and leaned in and kissed her.

"I'm sorry I screwed up our date night," Olivia said.

"I forgive you, but I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me," Alex said with a grin on her face. "Especially since Noah is sleeping so soundly."

"Oh, really?" Olivia said. "And what might that be?"

"Roll over here and kiss me and I'll show you," Alex said.

Olivia moved on top of Alex and kissed the blonde passionately.

"I can't believe I got so lucky as to have you as my wife," Olivia said. "I love you, Alex Benson-Cabot."


	74. House Guest

A/N: I had fun with this one. Also just noticed we're well over 300 reviews on this...holy cow! Thank you guys. I love hearing from you :-) - more comments at the bottom.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HOUSE GUEST**

"You win again, Noah!" Olivia said. "You're really good at this game."

Olivia sat in the floor on a rainy Saturday afternoon playing game after game with Noah while Alex worked on a brief in their office/guest room. Olivia was about to set the game up again to play because when Noah really liked something, he really liked it. She didn't hear Alex come in and she didn't noticed as the blonde was standing there leaning against the wall with a goofy grin on her face watching Olivia and Noah playing.

"He beat you again?" Alex said, getting Olivia's attention.

"Like a rug," Olivia said, laughing since they both knew Olivia always let Noah win, something Alex couldn't force herself to do. "You done working?"

Alex pushed off the wall and joined her family in the living room, sitting on the couch near where they were on the floor playing.

"I am," Alex said. "You'll never believe who I just got off the phone with."

"Who?"

"Emma, you know, from the Congo," Alex said.

"Oh, wow, how is she?" Olivia said, and went back to focusing on her game with Noah.

"She's good," Alex said. "She's left the ICC and is back in New York. In fact, she's going to be starting with the Manhattan DA office in a couple of weeks."

"That's fantastic, Alex," Olivia said. "Maybe I'll finally get a chance to meet her."

"Yeah, about that..."

Olivia looked up at Alex and nodded for her to finish her sentence.

"She's waiting for her apartment, so I offered her our guest bedroom for the few weeks it should take before everything is ready," Alex said. "Her subletters have to move out, and then the landlord has to make some repairs because they've been there for years, so I just thought ..."

Alex felt the need to explain herself and was suddenly unsure of how Olivia may react.

"Oh," Olivia said. "Uh, yeah, okay, I guess."

"You guess?" Alex said. "Liv, if you're not okay with her being here -"

"No, it's not that," Olivia said. She really didn't mind and she wasn't jealous of Emma, not after Alex had explained their relationship and how she had comforted her after her assault in the Congo. At least, she hadn't been jealous of Emma. Now, the thought of her in their home for a few weeks make her nervous.

"I just, um, I just wish we had talked about it first," Olivia finally managed to get out. "But, it's fine. You already told her she could stay, so I'll have to be okay with it."

"Liv, you don't have anything to worry about," Alex said. "I mean, I'm with you. I married you. I love you."

"I know," Olivia said. "And I know she was a good friend to you, so I'm more than okay with it. I trust you, and I'm not jealous." _Or maybe just a little._ "You know me. It's just my cop instinct and now that we have Noah, strange people in the apartment..."

Alex smiled, feeling satisfied with Olivia's answer. "I should have talked to you first, I'm sorry," Alex said. "You're right. I wasn't thinking about the fact that you hadn't met her because I trust her."

"Then I trust her, too," Olivia said. She watched as Noah continued playing the game. "Oh man, Noah, you beat me again!"

Noah laughed and shook his hands in the air. "I win!"

"Hey, buddy, why don't you go put this game away in your room, so we can start getting ready for dinner," Olivia said. She got up and walked into the kitchen with Alex following behind her.

"So, you're really not jealous?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm not," Olivia said, avoid eye contact, knowing it would give her away.

"Oh," Alex said, almost disappointed. Olivia picked up on the tone immediately and smirked. She moved toward Alex and wrapped her hands around her waist, guiding her back toward the counter.

"Oh? It sounds like you want me to be jealous," Olivia said in a seductive voice, moving close to Alex's ear.

Alex blushed. "Maybe a little," she said. "I mean, not like crazy jealous, but it's kind of hot when you do get jealous."

"Well," Olivia said, putting her lips on Alex's neck. "I'll have to keep that in mind when Emma gets here." Olivia began kissing Alex's neck and heard Alex moan softly. "I'll have to make sure to keep my hands on you so she's aware you're _my_ wife, _Alexandra._ "

Alex let out a growl and pushed Olivia off her. "Don't even think that is going to work on me right now. We have dinner to cook. And our son is watching us right now."

"What?!" Olivia said, turning her head around to look for Noah.

She didn't see him and turned back to Alex, who was smirking and shrugged. "I knew that would kill your mood long enough for us to get dinner done," Alex said.

"You're evil, woman," Olivia teased.

"Well, if I'm evil, then you should probably be in charge of chopping the veggies," Alex said, handing Olivia a knife and cutting board. "You know, we wouldn't want to give an evil woman a knife."

#

A few mornings later, Olivia woke to a quiet apartment. It was about 9 am. SVU had been called out the night before and she didn't get to bed until the early morning hours. She didn't even know what time. _Maybe 3:30 am?_ She was so tired, but managed to make it into bed without waking Alex, who had given up waiting for her hours ago.

She was grateful for the quiet time at home. She couldn't remember the last time she wasn't woken up either by her cell phone, Noah, Alex, or the normal morning alarm clock. Alex must have turned it off last night so she could sleep in. Olivia didn't plan to go to the squad room until after lunch, and had instructed her detectives to do the same unless there was an emergency.

Olivia finally decided to roll out of bed, mostly because she wanted coffee. She put her slippers on and headed toward the bedroom door. What she saw in the living room stopped her dead in her tracks.

 _Downward Dog._

Yes, there was Alex, doing yoga in the living room. Ass high in the air. Head down. Hands on the floor. All Olivia could see was the ass and legs, though. She didn't notice it right away but her mouth had dropped open. She was gaping. _Wow. Alex has really been working out. Her ass is just so much more defined._

Olivia made it her business to notice every inch of Alex's body, so she wasn't sure how she had missed this, but everything about the body in front of her seemed so much more...toned. Not that Alex hadn't always been toned and in shape, but this was just ...well, Olivia definitely planned to explore it more as soon as possible. In fact, as much as she was enjoying the show, she was debating making _as soon as possible_ happen right then. Hands gripping Alex's ass from behind, sliding her yoga pants down, turning her around and pulling her closer...

Lost in thought, staring intently, and thinking of all the ways she wanted to touch the ass in front of her, she didn't hear the door to the guest room open.

A few moments later _\- Throat clearing._

"Ummm, see something you _like_?" a voice said from the other doorway.

Just then, the yoga pose ended and Olivia saw a flash of black hair while she turned her head toward the voice.

"Alex!" Olivia said. "What...I thought..." Olivia looked at Alex, whose eyebrows were raised at her, and then back to the living room where the darked haired woman who was definitely _not_ Alex stood up, turned around, and smiled when she saw Alex.

"Good morning, Alex," the woman said. _Oh god, she has a British accent, too?_ "And you must be the wonderful Olivia I've heard so much about. I'm Emma."

Olivia had turned red, and could see Alex smirking at her.

Emma walked over and greeted both women with a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Sorry, I'm a little sweaty," she said, apologizing.

"Oh, I don't think we mind," Alex said, giving Olivia a look from her side eyes.

"I was just going to grab some coffee," Olivia said. "Can I get anyone else a cup?"

"Oh, that would be fantastic," Emma said, smiling "As strong as you can make it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go freshen up."

Emma disappeared to the bathroom while Alex followed Olivia to the kitchen.

"Don't," Olivia said.

"What? Don't comment on the fact that you were definitely checking out Emma's ass?" Alex said, laughing.

"I thought it was you," Olivia said.

"Well, I'll take that as a compliment, but you and I both know that my ass doesn't look _that_ good," Alex said.

"I thought maybe you had been working out," Olivia said.

"Oh, so you admit my ass doesn't look as good as hers?" Alex said, continuing the teasing.

"I'm not going to win this, am I?" Olivia said, pouring her coffee, and taking small sips.

"Nope," Alex said. "And just think, I got to sleep with that ass for months. Sometimes naked."

Olivia spit her coffee back out in the mug. "Naked?!"

"What? There were some really _hot_ nights," Alex said, whispering in Olivia's ear.

"Evil."

"Hey, I'm not the one that was staring at our house guest's ass this morning like it was a piece of bacon, and thinking of things to do to it," Alex said.

"I wasn't -"

Alex tilted her head down and eyes up, letting Olivia know she knew exactly what was going through her mind.

"Like I said, I thought it was you," Olivia said. "What are you still doing here anyway?"

"Well, Emma got in late last night, and you got in even later," Alex said. "I tried to wait up, but I couldn't. Anyway, I wanted to spend some time with her this morning, and see your beautiful face, so I decided I'd work from home this morning."

"Well, I'm glad you did," Olivia said, giving Alex a kiss on the cheek. "I missed you last night."

"I thought we could all have brunch this morning," Alex said. "That is if you think you can control your hormones for one meal."

Olivia shook her head, rolled her eyes, and walked away laughing.

"Evil," she called back to the kitchen.

* * *

A/N 2: We'll definitely be seeing more of Emma, especially since she's staying with them.


	75. Childcare

A/N: I'm going to stick with this arch for a bit. Implementing some episode stuff, but mostly working off-script. Kind of a slow build to some bigger things. Tell me what you think about Emma so far (that way I know if what I'm going for is coming through).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CHILDCARE**

"Liv, I have closing arguments on the Reynolds case today, you're going to have to stay with Noah," Alex said as she was getting dressed for work.

"Did you not hear what I just told you? A 12-year-old girl was raped. Chief Dodds wants me on the scene now," Olivia said, strapping on her utility belt. "You know how he got last time this happened. Which you weren't here for."

"Oh, don't you dare do that," Alex said.

Noah was sick and couldn't go to daycare. Lucy was sick because she had been taking care of a sick Noah. Alex's mother was 2 hours away, and Rebecca was in Chicago for a conference.

"I don't know what to tell you," Alex said. "If it wasn't for this trial and I hadn't sat first chair on it the entire time, I could pass this off to someone else."

"And I have a squad that is depending on me to be there," Olivia said. "I guess I can call Nick's mom. She's watched Noah before. If Lucy's mother hadn't just fallen and busted her hip, I'd ask her to keep an eye on him."

A light tap came on their bedroom door. Olivia went to answer it after making sure Alex was fully dressed at this point.

"I don't mean to intrude," Emma said. "But I couldn't help but overhear that you were having issues with childcare today?"

Olivia took a deep breath and gave her a partial smile. "I guess we were kind of loud, huh?" she said, glaring back at Alex. "I sorry if we woke you."

"No, that's not it at all," Emma said. "I was just going to offer to watch Noah. I mean, it sounds like you both have important things happening today and not many other options, so..."

"Wait, really?" Olivia said.

"Have you ever been alone with a toddler?" Alex asked.

"Alex," Olivia said.

"What? Emma, am I wrong that you're not much a kid person?" Alex said.

Emma laughed. "It's okay. She's right, but I do have nieces and nephews that I've watched before," she said. "And I've grown quite fond of Noah over the past week."

Olivia looked back at Alex for her approval.

"Are you sure, Em?" Alex said.

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't," Emma said. "And it's the least I can do to thank you for opening your home to me."

"Okay, just don't say we didn't warn you that he's a handful, especially when he's sick and grumpy," Alex said.

"Hmm, he must get that from his mother," Emma said, raising her eyebrows.

Olivia snickered and gave Alex a kiss on the cheek. "I have to get going," she said. "Thank you so much, Emma."

Olivia left, and Alex filled Emma in on all the details and emergency phone numbers for Noah.

"Thanks again, Emma," Alex said. "You're a life saver...again."

Emma smiled. "I'm happy to do it."

"I don't know what time I'll be home tonight, it depends on this trial," Alex said. "I know I haven't had a lot of time to spend with you, but hopefully, this weekend we can."

"I understand," Emma said. "Olivia and Noah have kept me well entertained watching _Frozen_ and discussing _Shakespeare_ tragedies."

"Yeah, Liv loves those tragedies," Alex said. "Her mother was an English professor. Personally, I think she sees enough tragedy every day. I don't' know how she can stand to read or talk about it."

"Oh, well, I was talking about my conversations with Noah, anyway," Emma said, giving a laugh. "Now, go before you're late. Noah and I will be fine. Maybe I'll read him _Macbeth_ today."

Alex rolled her eyes, gave Emma a hug and headed out to work.

#

Olivia made it to the crime scene and SVU's day kept going from bad to worse. It turned out their perp came back to the scene of the crime, only to be ID'd by someone in the building while Olivia and Fin were interviewing neighbors.

The two took chase after him down the stairs, and Fin followed what they thought was him through the 3rd-floor door from the staircase. It turns out, he had only pushed the door open and continued down. Olivia continued down the stairs as well, just in case, and when she went down on more flight, he ambushed her, swinging with a knife.

Olivia jumped out of the way, but not before he slashed a cut in the top of her left arm. When she grabbed it, it took a shot to punch her in the face, busting her cheek. However, Olivia got her bearings and was able to fight back enough to dislodge the knife from him, and pull her weapon to hold on him. Fin heard the commotion and came running down the steps to handcuff him.

"Looks like we gonna be adding assaulting an officer to the rape charges and resisting arrest," Fin said. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I've taken worse by lesser men," Olivia said, looking their suspect in his eyes.

"Bitch," their suspect said. "I'll show you what man is!"

"Get him out of here," Olivia said, holding the cut on her arm.

Outside the building, the EMTs stitched up Olivia's arm and treated her cheek, as she insisted she didn't need further medical attention.

"You okay, LT?" Amanda said. Olivia still looked around when people called her Lieutenant since she had just been promoted.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," she said.

"Good work, Lieutenant," Chief Dodds said, walking up to the scene. "You're going to get that looked at?"

"EMTs cleared me," Olivia said. "I'm okay. I'm just going to head back and finish up some reports."

"Nah, these guys can handle it, right?" he said. "Go home and get some rest. I'll look for your report tomorrow."

#

Olivia didn't argue about going home. In her younger days, she would have headed back to the precinct and continued working, interrogating their suspect, and made sure to get a confession.

She knew her squad, including their new Sgt Mike Dodds, would be able to handle it. Now that she was older, it took her body just a bit longer to heal from things like stab wounds.

By early afternoon, she unlocked the door to their apartment and made her way inside to see Noah and Emma playing cars on the floor.

"Looks like Noah is a feeling a little better," Olivia said, announcing her presence.

"Yeah, he is," Emma said before looking up. "Oh my God, Olivia, what happened to you?"

"Hazards of the job," Olivia said, smiling.

"Come sit down and let me get you an ice pack," Emma said. She got up and made her way to the kitchen.

Olivia did as instructed, sitting on the couch. Noah walked over to her, wanting to be picked up.

"Sorry, baby, I can't pick you up right now," Olivia said. Emma returned, and Olivia took the icepack from her to put on her face.

"Did you hurt something else?" Emma said, hearing the conversation about not being able to pick up Noah.

"He got me in the arm with a knife," Olivia said. "It's not too deep, but he slashed it, and I have a few stitches. It just is sore mostly right now."

"Let me see your face," Emma said, pulling Olivia's hand holding the ice pack down. "They really should have given you stitches for this at the hospital."

"Uh, I didn't go," Olivia said sheepishly.

"Why not?" Emma said.

"Trust me, I've seen worse," Olivia said, laughing. "I'll be fine. They stitched up my arm and stopped the bleeding. The face, well, it'll heal."

"At least put some ointment on it," Emma said. "Where is your first aid kit?"

"Under the bathroom sink," Olivia said. "Are you always like this?"

"When you spend the better part of a decade in the Congo, you get to be pretty good playing nurse," Emma said. "Now, here, take Noah, and I'll go get something to put on that."

She lifted Noah up so he could sit by Olivia on the couch and headed off to get the first aid kit. Once Olivia had been tended to, her and Noah fell asleep together on the couch, Noah laying on her stomach.

Olivia woke a couple of hours later to the smell of dinner and Noah climbing around on her.

"Hey, sleepy head," Emma said when she saw Olivia had woke up. "Dinner's almost ready, and Alex texted to say she should be home soon."

Olivia nodded. "It smells good."

"Also, I take it you haven't mentioned your adventure today to Alex?" Emma said, smirking. "She seemed surprised you were already home. I didn't tell her."

"Oh, I guess I forgot," Olivia said. "But it really wasn't that big of a deal. Alex is used to it."

"Seriously? If it were my girlfriend, er, no wife now, I keep forgetting you're married. Anyway, if it were my wife, and she didn't tell me, I'd be pissed," Emma said.

Olivia laughed. "Well, I didn't say Alex wouldn't be pissed."

Olivia got up and fed Noah his dinner while they waited on Alex to get home for dinner.

"I'm sorry dinner is getting cold," Olivia said. "As you can see, a real dinner is rare around her with our schedules."

"Yeah, I imagine when I start work, it'll be the same for me," Emma said. "Which is why I wanted to take advantage of cooking while I can."

"You'll get no complaints from me," Olivia said. "I'm going to get Noah ready for bed. Hopefully, Alex will be home soon. If not, we can go ahead and eat without her."

Half an hour later, Noah was ready to go down for bed, and Alex still wasn't home. Olivia and Emma sat down for dinner after it had been reheated, saving Alex a plate.

"You know, Emma, I wanted to thank you for being there for Alex while she was in the Congo," Olivia said. "I know our relationship was uh, complicated back then, but I'm glad she had someone to help her through her assault. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there for her."

"Well, I'm sorry you couldn't have either," Emma said. "She wanted you and needed you to be. But I'm glad I was able to be there for her, too."

Olivia sighed with regret at Emma's firm but truthful words.

"But, Alex is just as stubborn as you are, it seems," Emma said. "I'm glad that you were able to move past it. And I should apologize for the first time we met."

Olivia froze in panic. _Did Alex tell Emma I was checking her out the other morning?_

Emma continued. "I'm sure Alex has told you, but what you saw on Skype that night really was completely innocent," she said.

"Oh, that," Olivia said. _Oh, thank God that's what she meant. Phew._

"I mean, I can see how it looked suspect, but I want you to know that nothing ever happened between Alex and me," Emma said. "Besides, Alex isn't my type at all. Don't get me wrong, she's attractive, but I prefer non-lawyers and brunettes or redheads."

Olivia choked on her wine. _What? I thought Emma was straight..._

"I thought you were..."

Just then Alex came through the door.

"I'm sorry I'm so late," Alex said. "I was on my way out, and then I got pulled into another meeting, then Jill came in, and we got to talking about a case, and well, here I am, finally."

Olivia finished her glass of wine and decided to let her question drop. _Maybe Alex didn't know._

"Please tell me you saved me a plate," Alex said, making her way into the kitchen.

"We did," Emma said. "It's in the fridge."

"Thank God," Alex said. "I'm starved, and I may have gotten used to your cooking again."

Alex joined them at the dinner table and began eating. Emma's phone rang and she excused herself.

"How was your closing arguments?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, they went fine," Alex said. "They're going to have to find him guilty. If they don't, they're morons."

They sat in silence while Alex worked on eating her dinner.

"Noah seems to be feeling better," Olivia said. "Nurse Emma took good care of him today."

Just then Emma returned with an annoyed and frustrated look on her face.

"I hear you got to play nurse today," Alex said. She didn't see Emma's facial expression and still hadn't noticed Olivia's injuries.

"Oh, so Olivia finally told you getting stabbed and punched today, did she?" Emma said.

Olivia's eyes widened, and she gave a look of _NO_ to Emma.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alex said, finally looking over toward Olivia. "Olivia, what happened?"

"Just some stitches in my left arm and the cut on my face," she said. "That's it. I'll be fine."

"Why didn't you call me?" Alex said.

"Because you were in court all day, and it wasn't a big deal," Olivia said. "I mean, you didn't even notice it until Emma said something."

Olivia didn't mean anything by it, but she knew she shouldn't have said it, and Alex shot her a glare but chose not to say anything since Emma was standing there.

"Anyway, Emma, you look upset, is everything okay? Who was on the phone?" Olivia asked.

Emma sat back down at the table, and let out a deep breath.

"That was my landlord," Emma said. "Apparently my unit burst a water pipe, and it slowly flooded for days before anyone noticed since the tenants are gone now. It was practically ready for me to move in."

"So long long will it be?" Alex said.

"He thinks three months," Emma said. "Which means I either have to find a new place or make temporary arrangements. And I really don't want to find a new place. I've had that place forever. I haven't lived there for a long time, but it's a great location and a fantastic layout."

"Well, why don't you just stay with us?" Olivia said.

Alex snapped her head over to Olivia.

"No, I've already imposed too long," Emma said.

"Non-sense," Olivia said. "I've enjoyed having you here. Noah likes having you here. I know Alex is glad you're here, and well, we all enjoy your cooking. Besides, we have space."

"Alex?" Emma said, looking at her friend.

Alex forced a smile. It wasn't that she didn't want Emma to stay. She did and was glad she was there. She was just annoyed Olivia didn't ask her first, the exact same thing Olivia got upset with her about when she initially invited Emma to stay.

"I think it's a great idea," Alex said.

"Okay, well, I'll agree based on two things," Emma said. "You have to let me pay rent at the very least, and you have to promise to tell me if you get sick of me."

"Keep feeding us like this, and we'll never want you to leave," Olivia said.

"She has a point," Alex said. "You may get stuck with us forever."

"Okay, then, let me call my landlord back and tell him I'll keep the apartment when it's ready," Emma said. "Excuse me."

Olivia and Alex got to clear the dinner table to load the dishwasher.

"So, what happened to talking about things first?" Alex said once they were in the kitchen and she could see Emma's door was closed.

"I just assumed since you offered for her to stay here in the first place, it wasn't a big deal," Olivia said. They were both standing in front of the sink. Alex was scrubbing food off while Olivia rinsed and loaded the dishwasher.

"For two weeks, not three months," Alex said. "I mean, seriously, Liv?"

"Are you saying you don't want her to stay that long, because frankly, Alex, she's been pretty helpful around here," Olivia said.

"No, I'm not saying that," Alex said. "I love Emma, and I'm glad she's here. I just thought we made decisions together."

"You're right," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you first."

"It's okay," Alex said. "Like I said, I'm glad she's here, too. It's been good to see her."

"You really haven't even had much chance to spend with her, Al," Olivia said. "You've been working so much."

"Not this again," Alex said. "Liv, you know how much I have on my plate right now."

"I wasn't going to say anything, Alex," Olivia said. "I was just going to suggest that maybe the two of you have a day out together this weekend. I'm sure I'm boring her by now."

Alex relaxed once she realized Olivia wasn't griping about her work and turned to give Olivia a smile.

"I don't think anyone could ever find you boring," Alex said, leaning in to give Olivia a kiss. "Also, the next time you get _stabbed_ at work, I expect to be called. You understand me?"

"Yes, ma'am," Olivia said and smiled sheepishly. She wrapped her hands around Alex's waist and pulled her back toward her and in for another kiss. Olivia used her good arm to pull Alex closer when she felt her pulling away. She pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, moving her lips down Alex's neck.

Alex moaned. "Liv..."

"Mmhmm?"

"We have a house guest now," Alex said. "And as much as I don't want you to stop, I also don't think doing _this_ in the kitchen is a good idea."

"What exactly are we doing?" Olivia said, removing her mouth only long enough to mumble the words against Alex's neck. She quickly turned them around so that Alex was pressed against the counter. Olivia used it to push for more contact between them and moved her hands to the bottom of Alex's blouse, slipping her hand underneath and up to her breast.

"God, Liv..." Alex panted.

"Okay, guys, everything is all set with ... oh!" Emma said, returning to the room and seeing the show taking place in the kitchen. "I'm soooo sorry."

She turned around and quickly diverted her eyes.

Alex pushed Olivia off of her and lightly hit her on the arm...the recently stabbed arm.

"Ow!" Olivia yelled.

"Serves you right," Alex whispered and gave her a grin.

"No need to be sorry, Emma," Alex said. "We're sorry and will be a little more discreet next time, _right Olivia_?"


	76. Take A Break

A/N: Okay, glad no one dislikes Emma. I don't want you to. But you're right, her presence is going to make things interesting for our ladies, but also hopefully help them at the same time, as they are dealing with normal people/real life crap right now.

So, anything you want to know about Emma? Any back story?

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES:**

 _Saturday_

"Tell me the truth, Alex," Emma said. "Are you and Liv really okay with me staying until my apartment is ready? You know I don't mind to find another place or get a hotel in the meantime."

Upon Olivia's insistence, Alex finally made time to spend with Emma on Saturday afternoon. Emma had seen how overwhelmed Alex had been with work. She even thought for a few minutes Saturday morning that their plans would be canceled, but Olivia practically shoved Alex out the door and told them not to come back until dinner time. Emma was glad that Alex had someone like Olivia in her life to remind her not to take everything so seriously. She frequently saw that side of Alex during their time together in the Congo.

They had gone to brunch, did some window shopping, and now were strolling through Central Park. After 10 years in the Congo, Emma had missed the simplicity a Saturday in New York City could bring.

"Of course, Emma," Alex said. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because I saw the look you gave Olivia when she offered," Emma said.

"Oh," Alex said. "Emma, that wasn't about you. I'm thrilled you're going to be staying with us longer. That was was all Olivia and me, and our ability to..."

"Honeymoon over already, Cabot?" Emma said. She saw a nearby park bench and guided them to it to sit down.

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"Oh boy, now I know something is wrong," Emma said with a chuckle. "Alexandra Cabot, speechless?"

"It's just harder than I thought it was going to be at this phase in our lives," Alex said. "Between managing jobs where we're moving up the proverbial ladder, a new marriage, and a toddler, on top of the usual stress of our jobs, it's a lot."

"But worth it, right?"

"Of course, it's worth it," Alex said. "I just wish Olivia could understand that we happen to be going through a phase where my job is often busier than hers is, and that is a change for us."

"I can see that," Emma said. "But I imagine it's also lonely for her, too."

"Oh, I know how lonely it is," Alex said. "I've been on the other end of it. I mean, at least she has Noah. I'm the one that spent years by myself, wondering when she would ever come home. And when she was, sometimes not even having her full attention because her mind was on a case."

"Well, it sounds like she's changed her priorities," Emma said.

"Are you implying I haven't," Alex said, narrowing her eyes on her friend.

"Alex, come on," Emma said, taking her hand. "That's not what I'm saying. I mean, you've been through it so you could try being a little more forgiving when she simply wants more time with you."

Alex relaxed and sighed. "I know, you're right," Alex said. "I have been pretty bitchy lately, huh?"

"I'd like the record to reflect that those were not my words," Emma said, pulling her hand back and running them through her long dark hair.

"What are you, Olivia's therapist now?" Alex asked.

Emma laughed. It was true she had spent more time with Olivia than Alex since she was bunking with them and had grown fond of Olivia, as well as Noah. She could see why Alex left the Congo for Olivia, even if she didn't care as much for the brunette while they were there.

"Hardly," Emma said. "She hasn't said a word, actually. I can just see the look on her face when you don't make it home for dinner or snap at her for something. In case you've forgotten, I'm pretty good at reading people."

"I haven't forgotten," Alex said, smiling. Emma couldn't help but think about how hard she worked to coax Alex out of her shell after her attack.

"While I'm here with you two, I want you to take advantage of me," Emma said. "Go out and have fun with Olivia. I mean, of course, I'm going to be dragging you out, too, but seriously, Lex, when was the last time you did something fun."

"Well, today was fun until you got all serious on me," Alex said.

"I'm glad I was able to bring you a little pleasure from your day," Emma said. "Come on, it's starting to get dark, and I'm afraid if we're late for whatever Olivia is cooking, she may shoot us."

#

 _Monday_

"Barba just called and said he was on his way down here," Olivia said, popping out of her office. "Is there a development on one of our cases I don't know about?"

"Nothing that we haven't already told you, LT," Rollins said. "He say what it was?"

"Just that he was coming with something for us and for us to try to all be here," Olivia said.

Olivia walked back to her office to wait and a few minutes later heard elevator ding and could hear Barba jabbering away to someone.

"Oh, good, the gang is all here," Barba said, strolling in with someone standing next to him. Olivia came out of her office to greet him. "Lieutenant Benson, everyone else, I'd like to introduce ADA Bailey. She's new to the DA's office and will be helping me with the caseload at SVU, as well as handling cases for Vice."

The new ADA smiled and Barba continued with his introductions.

"This is Detective Tutulola," Barba said.

"Call me Fin."

"Detectives Rollins and Carisi," Barba said.

"Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Sergeant Dodds, who is somewhat new to SVU as well," Barba said.

"And finally, Lieutenant -"

"Benson," ADA Bailey said, cutting him office.

"Emma," Olivia said, smiling at their newest ADA.

"You two know each other?" Barba said.

"I'm a friend of Alex's," Emma offered.

"Okay, well, Liv, if the three of us could chat for a moment in your office to get Bailey up to speed on our open cases, that would be great," Barba said.

"This way."

"It was a pleasure to meet you all," Emma said. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you all very soon."

Barba, Olivia, and Emma all disappeared into Olivia's office, while the rest of the squad just stood in awe.

"Well, she seemed...uh, nice," Carisi stuttered. No one had moved yet still, even Dodds, who had proven to be somewhat uptight in his first few weeks.

"Yeah, she did," Dodds said.

"I suppose you're gonna give us crap for staring, huh, Rollins?" Fin said.

"Uh, nope, not this time guys," Amanda said. "I'm straight as an arrow, but this time, I'm right there with you. Damn."

"Always knew you had a kinky side," Fin said, grinning at Amanda. She rolled her eyes at him and went back to her desk. The rest of the squad finally followed suit.

Inside Olivia's office, everyone had taken a seat.

"I thought you were going to be just working Vice?" Olivia asked Emma.

Despite the fact that Emma had been living with them for two weeks, this was the first time Olivia had ever seen her dressed up in work attire. Olivia had left before Emma and Alex this morning. The suit she was wearing today may have given the yoga pants a run for their money.

"I was supposed to, but ..."

"Once I found out her background, I fought to get her over in SVU, at least part of the time, to help with my caseload," Barba said. "And thankfully she agreed."

"Well, it does make sense with your experience," Olivia said. "Although, we've had it pretty good with Barba."

Barba chuckled and gave a classic Barba eye roll. "Yeah, that's how I'd describe our squabbles...as _good._ "

"Well, I can't wait to see some of those," Emma said.

"So, you worked with Alex in the Congo?" Barba asked Emma. "How long have you and Liv know each other?"

They both laughed. "Oh, just about two weeks," Olivia said. "She's our house guest for the next three months."

"Oh, I see," Barba said. "Wait, _she's_ the houseguest?"

Barba and Olivia chanced a glance that was more of a smirk, as Emma watched on looking between the two of them.

"What was that?" Emma asked.

"What was what?" Barba said.

"That look. You two definitely exchanged a look," Emma said. "What have you told him about me, Liv?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know," Olivia said, teasing.

"Anyway, back to the open cases..." Barba said, bringing them back to the reason they were all there in the first place.

When they finished up, Barba and Emma got up to leave. Emma walked out into the bullpen, and began a conversation with Carisi and Barba glanced back in the office to Olivia.

"So, she's the yoga girl, huh? Can't say I blame you for watching now that I've seen her," Barba said, giving Olivia a smirk before heading out to get Emma and leave.

Olivia sat back down and laughed at her misfortune. Barba was never going to let her live this down. She had only told him in a weak moment after having a drink with him after work on the day she met Emma. She had still been mortified about it hours later.

#

Alex came home that night late, as usual. Noah was already in bed, and Emma and Olivia were sitting on the couch drinking wine and catching up on _Grey's Anatomy._

"I missed out on so much when I was in the Congo," Emma said. "My friends would tell me about certain shows, and I'd be able to stream them sometimes, but you never knew about the internet speed."

"Well, I could watch this all day," Olivia said. "Anything to take my mind off police work for an hour."

"So I take it you're not a fan of the _Law & Order _shows?" Emma said.

"You know, those aren't so bad," Olivia said. "There is cute blonde lawyer on one of them that reminds me of Alex."

Alex cleared her throat after hanging up her jacket and coming to join them in the living room.

"Watching _Grey's_ without me, Liv?" Alex said, feigning a hurt look. "I'm hurt."

"This one here is so far behind," Olivia said. "She has no idea what she's in store for."

"How was your first day at the Manhattan DA's office?" Alex asked.

Olivia and Emma smiled at each other before Emma spoke.

"Well, it turns out I'm going to be working with your lovely wife quite a bit," Emma said.

Alex cocked her head, confused. She was certain that Emma was supposed to be working Vice, and SVU had Barba as their ADA.

"Barba fought to bring her on to help with his caseload, so she'll be splitting time between SVU and Vice," Olivia said. "And honestly, there are times when those crimes can easily cross over and we have to work together."

"Wow, that's great!" Alex said. "I think you'll be great at that if your work in the Congo is any indication."

"Well, it will probably just be temporary," Emma said. "They do want to put me in a permanent spot, but since Barba has had a little extra on his plate, they thought I could help him out for a while."

Alex kicked off her shoes and cuddled up next to Olivia on the couch. She was tired and looked like she'd had a rough day.

"You know, I think I'm going to do a little reading before bed and text my sister," Emma said, getting up. "I'm sure the two of you could use some alone time, too."

Olivia put her arm around Alex and pulled her closer.

"I'm glad you're home, and I get to see your beautiful face tonight, if even just for a short bit before bed," Olivia said.

"Liv..." Alex warned, before remembering her conversation with Emma on Saturday. She almost launched into her tirade about how she was busy at work and wished Olivia would stop complaining about it. But she didn't.

"I'm glad I'm home, too," Alex said, instead. Her voice had softened, and she looked up at Olivia with her big blue eyes and gave her a smile. "I've missed you."

"You know, I was talking to Emma tonight and while I know we won't get to go on a real honeymoon until next year sometime, she offered to watch Noah if we wanted to get away for a long weekend," Olivia said. "Maybe take a Friday and Monday off work and get away for 4 days?"

"I don't know, Liv," Alex said. "There's so much going on and -"

"Alex, there is always going to be stuff going on," Olivia said. "Look, just a few days. We can go upstate, get a cabin on the lake. Or if you'd rather, we can do the beach. Whatever you want to do."

"Olivia, you have a brand new Sergeant in your squad room," Alex said. "Are you really okay with leaving Mike in charge?"

"For four days, when his dad is the Deputy Chief of Special Victims citywide? Yeah, I am, if it means I get to spend time with my wife," Olivia said.

"Why don't we just get a hotel for a night?" Alex said. "That way if anything comes up with Noah or work, we won't be too far away."

"Alex, getting away from work is kind of the point," Olivia said. "And I'd like to have more than one night away every six months with you."

"Liv, if this is about sex, then let's make time for it," Alex said.

Olivia just shook her head. Alex wasn't getting it. "Babe, look at me," Olivia said. "It's not about sex. It's about you and me, spending time alone together."

"Olivia, why can't you just leave this alone for a while?" Alex said. "Listen, we've been down this road before, and usually it's the other way around, so don't pretend like I don't know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. But right now, my job is very high-profile, very political, and has a good chance of putting me a place I want to be down the road either in a judge's chair or the DA's seat. All I'm asking is for a little understanding and patience with me. And quite frankly, I'm tired of having this fight night after night."

Olivia sighed. Perhaps she was being selfish. This was Alex's dream after all, and it was her job to support her. She just wished there was a way to do it without causing so much pain for both of them.

"Okay, I'll drop it," Olivia said. "I want to support you, so I will give you the time you need to get through this busy season."

"Thank you," Alex said, leaning over to kiss Olivia on the cheek. "Ready for bed? I'm beat."

"Yeah, I'm just going to clean up the kitchen," Olivia said. "I'll be in there in a bit."

Olivia took the wine glasses to the kitchen and washed the few dishes she had left in the sink, the ones that didn't fit in the dishwasher. There was a large stock pot that Emma had made soup in. Olivia was pretty sure they had never even used that pot before tonight, but at least they had soup for the rest of the week. Even Noah had enjoyed the little bit he ate.

Olivia took her time cleaning up the kitchen. She wasn't sure whether she did it on purpose or not, but by the time she made it to the bedroom, Alex was already asleep.

Olivia climbed into bed, shut out the light, and drifted to sleep thinking about the happier times with Alex, and looking forward to when they would return. Not that things were bad between the two of them - comparatively, they weren't. But she did miss their more fun carefree days.


	77. House Party

A/N: The green-eyed monster rears it's head in this super fun chapter.

Oh, for the question about Emma being a "Third Party" in AO's relationship. I'm not sure what you mean by 3rd party, but if you meant, like the three of them together, the answer is NO. If you mean, whether or not she comes between A/O, you'll have to keep reading. But, I'm not big on real cheating, and this is an AO story, so...trust that much :)

Loving the reviews right now.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HOUSE PARTY**

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Olivia said as she struggled to get her necklace hooked in the back.

Alex, still not dressed and only in her bra and panties, walked over behind her and took the necklace from her hands to help hook it.

"Relax," Alex said. "You're the one who's been saying we should have some fun. Last weekend, we went out alone. Tonight, we're having friends over."

Alex finished helping Olivia with the necklace and wrapped her arms around the brunette, knowing what her nearly naked body pressed against her was doing. She began placing light kisses on Olivia's neck before moving up to her ear.

"Besides, I'll make it up to you tonight," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear. "You know how I get when I have too much champagne."

Olivia took a deep breath and relaxed back into Alex.

"You could just make it up to me now," Olivia said. She turned around to face Alex and pulled her even closer.

"I think I actually _made it up_ to you this morning," Alex said. "Tonight is just your bonus for such good behavior."

"Well, you better hurry up and get dressed, or neither of us is going to make it out of this room to greet our guests," Olivia said. "Speaking of which, they should be arriving soon."

Olivia gave Alex a chaste kiss because if it was anything more, she knew they'd never leave the room. She left the bedroom and went to the kitchen to see if anything else needed to be done. Emma and Rebecca were standing in there drinking wine.

"Anything else left to do?" Olivia asked, looking around.

"No, we took care of it," Emma said. "Besides, if we waited for you and Alex to come out of there, we'd be way behind."

Olivia blushed but rolled her eyes.

"I mean, you'd think after this morning, it would have calmed you two down a bit," Emma continued on.

"Do tell!" Rebecca said, laughing. "God, Olivia, you still haven't figured out how to keep my sister quiet?"

"Oh, it wasn't Alex that was loud this morning," Emma said.

"Oh really? Let me guess, did it sound something like _Oh, Alexandra. Please, Alexandra,_ " Rebecca said, mocking Olivia.

" _Fuck, Alexandra. God, Alexandra,_ " Emma said, continuing the mocking. "Yes, to all of the above."

"Okay, you two, that's enough," Olivia said. "And if _Alexandra_ hears either of you, I won't be able to protect you."

Emma and Rebecca laughed and went back to ignoring Olivia.

"You've invested in a good pair of earplugs or headphones, right?" Rebecca said. "I won't visit anymore without them. Although, this place is much bigger than their old, old, place. That was torture."

"Honestly, I haven't needed them until this morning, but that's a good tip," Emma said. "You know, maybe we should start a guest review website for people staying here. _Great coffee. Cute kid. Bring earplugs._ "

" _Oh, but just don't drink all the coffee before the blonde monster wakes up, or there will be hell to pay_ ," Rebecca said.

"I'm glad it's not just me," Emma said. "I made that mistake once, and you'd have thought I killed Noah."

"Like I said, if Alex hears you, you're on your own," Olivia said.

"If Alex hears what?" Alex suddenly said, popping into the kitchen behind them.

"Nothing, _Alexandra_ ," Rebecca said. Alex's eyes narrowed in on her sister and then looked at Olivia.

"Wow, you're braver than I am," Emma whispered to Rebecca before scooting by Olivia and out of the kitchen.

"You're in trouble," Alex said, smirking at Olivia.

"Don't worry, _I'll make it up to you tonight_ ," Olivia said.

"Why did I agree to stay here tonight again?" Rebecca said.

"Because you're too afraid to go back to your place and have Mom see you drunk," Alex said in a cocky tone. "And if your drunk ass woke Noah when you got there, Mom would probably kill you."

Caroline had agreed to come to town and keep Noah at Rebecca's place so the girls could have a fun night in with their friends. Of course, she had also been promised Sunday morning brunch, and couldn't wait to tease all the girls about their hangovers.

An hour later, all of their guests had arrived. Emma and Rebecca were already there. Casey, Melinda and her husband, Pippa, Rita Calhoun, Barba, a handful of other men and women from the DA's office, and Jill, Alex's one-time date.

"You didn't tell me your ex-girlfriend was coming?" Olivia said, sliding up next to Alex at their party.

Alex gave her a glare. "Okay, one - you _know_ she's not my ex-girlfriend, and two - I didn't know until I got a text from Casey when I woke up. Apparently she forgot they had plans tonight and asked if she could bring her."

"You could have mentioned it," Olivia said.

"And kill the mood this morning, like you're doing right now," Alex said.

"Point taken," Olivia said, smiling. "So, her and Casey?"

"Oh, God no," Alex said. "I don't even know how they are friends. I get along with Jill better than Casey does. But for whatever reason, they have a good time when they go out to clubs. I think it's like a wing-woman kind of thing. I guess it works because neither of them is interested in the other."

"You know, maybe we could set Casey up with Emma," Olivia said.

"Emma? Um, Liv, you know she's straight," Alex said.

"Are you sure?" Olivia said.

"Yeah, I think I'd know if Emma was into women," Alex said. "Besides, Casey doesn't like her."

"How is it possible for anyone not to like Emma?" Olivia said. "She's like, perfect."

"Oh _really_?"

"No, I didn't mean -"

Alex was grinning and cut Olivia off with a kiss. "I'm just teasing you. I agree that I don't think it's possible for anyone not to like Emma...except maybe rapists. Anyway, I think Casey is just jealous. You know how territorial she gets."

"Now, we should get back to entertaining our guests," Alex said.

"If you insist," Olivia said.

"Oh, I insist," Alex said. "And that's just the _first_ of many things I'm going to be _insisting_ on tonight. In fact, right now, I think I'll take some more champagne."

Olivia shook her head and took Alex's empty glass to refill it.

As expected most of the room was gathered around Emma and listening to stories about the Congo. After a while, Emma made her way to the kitchen for more wine, and Alex quickly joined her.

"Looks like you've been popular tonight," Alex said.

"You know how it is," she said. "I mean, I'm sure when you got back from the Congo, people had a million questions for you."

"True, but I still think your natural charm is what keeps them falling over themselves for you," Alex said. She reached for more champagne and stumbled slightly. Emma caught her.

"Maybe someone has had too much to drink," Emma said.

"No, it's these damn heels," Alex said, pulling herself up on Emma's shoulders. "I promise, I've only had two glasses, and you and I and both know I can handle a lot more."

They laughed while Emma held on to Alex's waist as she raised her foot and adjusted her shoe.

Olivia, watching from the other room, felt a pang of jealousy run through her. She trusted Alex and Emma, but her reaction was not something she had any control over. Realizing she was being ridiculous, she moved about the room and went to talk to Barba to distract her. If there was anyone that would kill her raging hormones, it was Barba.

And it did.

Barba was going on about legal precedents being set in some case in Suffolk County, and while no one he was talking to seem particularly interested, they were humoring him anyway, as did Olivia.

After finally deciding she would stab herself if she heard anymore, she poured another glass of wine and found Casey and Jill sitting on the couch.

"Olivia, great party," Casey said.

"Yes, thank you for letting me tag along with Casey," Jill said.

"That was all Alex," Olivia said, laughing. "But no, I'm glad you were able to make it."

Jill and Olivia shared a knowing look.

"What's that look?" Casey asked.

"Oh, I just think I'm not Olivia's favorite person," Jill said. "All because I went on _one date_ with Alex back in the day."

"You and Alex?" Casey said. "Hmmm. I never considered that."

"Well, there was no _me and Alex_ ," Jill clarified. "We went out once, and as much as I tried, I couldn't convince her to go out with me again."

"Did you...you know?" Casey asked.

"Casey!" Jill and Olivia both shouted. _Okay, we're cutting Casey off._

"No, we didn't," Jill said. "But, it's not like I didn't try. I thought for sure when I got her shirt off..."

Jill stopped talking when she saw the horrified look on Olivia's face.

"Oh, I guess she didn't tell you part, huh?" Jill said. _Yep, we're cutting Jill off, too._

"What? If they were broken up, it doesn't matter, right?" Casey said. "I mean, it's not like Olivia was a saint when they were apart. Liv, do you remember that one night when we went out and ... "

"Okay! That's enough, Casey," Olivia said, pulling her friend up with her and leading her to a corner.

Alex had been watching and listening from a nearby spot in the room, mostly to make sure Jill and Olivia didn't get out of sorts. She was just about to go over and rescue Olivia before Casey spoke up and mentioned _that one night_ that they went out. _Did she mean go out like a date or...? And why was Olivia freaking out about whatever it was?_

Alex continued watching Olivia as she pulled Casey to the open doorway by Noah's room. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she certainly wanted to know. She didn't like what it sounded like and certainly didn't like the way Casey's hands were all over Olivia right now. _She's drunk and just holding herself up, Alex, not hitting on Olivia._ Alex had to keep reminding herself that she trusted both Olivia and Casey.

"Okay, first of all, you're cut off for the night," Olivia said to Casey when she got her out of an earshot of anyone else.

"But, Liiiiiv," Casey pouted, putting her arms on Olivia's shoulders, mostly to steady herself.

"Second of all, I may have not been entirely truthful with Alex about how many people I uh, hooked up with when we broke up," Olivia said. "I mean, technically, I only slept with the one girl I dated, and two others, but ..."

"Two? Olivia Benson, you did more than that in one week if I remember," Casey said.

"Well, I didn't technically sleep with all of them," Olivia protested.

"I'm drunk right now, and I knows that is a load of crap," Case said. "What, just because you didn't bring them back to your bed or spend the night? Alex will lawyer the shit out of you over that."

"What?" Olivia said, laughing at Casey's expression.

Alex was still watching and slowly moving closer so she could hear what was being said.

"I mean, that technicality is bullshit," Casey said. "What? Just because you didn't bring them home or spend the night? Or what? If you fuck someone, but don't let them touch you it doesn't count for you?"

"Shhhh. And maybe," Olivia said.

Alex was finally close enough that she thought she could hear.

"And what about that one time on my kitchen floor," Casey said with a smirk on her face.

 _What the fuck, Olivia?_ Is what Alex was thinking...but her body froze as she watched Olivia pulled Casey into Noah's bedroom and shut the door behind them.

"You need to stop talking. And, uh, I counted that," Olivia said, grinning.

"Well, my little sister certainly counted it," Casey said. "Even if her _detective_ never called her."

"Casey..."

"No, I get it," Casey said. "I told her it would have never worked out anyway because you were never going to get over Alex, no matter how many women you "didn't" sleep with."

Olivia laughed and opened the door for them to leave. "Let's just keep this between us, please."

Casey smirked, and turned her head back toward Olivia. "Anytime, _Detective._ "

Alex seethed at that word. That was _her_ word. She was still standing nearby, burning a hole through Casey with her eyes. And when Olivia came out, her focus went to her. She finished her champagne and went to look for Emma. Seeing she was occupied, she found Jill, who looked bored now that drunk Casey was extra social with everyone else.

When Olivia finished talking to Casey, she made her way to the kitchen to put her glass away and noticed Alex and Jill sitting closely on the couch. After what Jill had told her about just how close Alex came to sleeping with her, it sent a wave of jealousy through her again. She planned to stop with the wine, but after seeing them, Alex's hands on Jill's shoulders, the way Alex was laughing way more than necessary and tilting her head back...well, Olivia couldn't deal with it even a little sober. She filled her glass again.

"I have a feeling I'm going to be cleaning up vomit from both you and Alex tomorrow," Emma said, coming into the kitchen. She had seen the look on Olivia's face, and when she followed her stare, she knew it was likely caused by Alex talking to Jill. _Or was that flirting?_

Olivia ignored Emma's comment and continued sipping her wine, and watching her wife.

" _Jealousy. It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on_ ," Emma said, quoting _Othello_.

"Are you trying to tell me Alex is cheating on me?" Olivia snapped, referencing the rest of the passage.

Emma wanted to kick herself for not considering the rest of that passage. It wasn't what she meant.

"No, of course not," Emma said. "I can just see that you're jealous, and you're torturing yourself over nothing. Don't let jealousy mock you, Liv."

"Yeah, of course, you would say that," Olivia said, her tone was bitter.

Emma stepped in front so she could get her attention away from Alex.

"What the hell does that mean?" Emma said, staring Olivia directly in the eyes.

"Oh, come on, I saw Alex all over you earlier in here," Olivia said. "I hear how she talks about you. She'd rather spend time with you than me. I mean, how stupid must I have been to think that you all shared a bed as long as you did with nothing happening."

Emma grabbed both Olivia's wrists before she could pick up her wine glass again, and pinned them against the counter.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Olivia?" Emma said. "Alex fell earlier, and I caught her. And I'll have you know, I spend far more time with you than her. In fact, she only spends time when me when you go out of her way to make sure she does."

The two women stared intently at each other. Olivia had never noticed how dark and intense Emma's eyes were. Sure, she had found her attractive when they met, but she hadn't paid much attention since then, at least not to her face and her eyes.

Emma swallowed hard. She was annoyed with Olivia, but she also saw the hurt in the chocolate eyes in front of her. Olivia was far more beautiful than she got credit for. Emma bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath.

Alex had finally looked up from flirting with Jill to see if Olivia was paying attention. She couldn't see much, though, except Emma holding Olivia's wrists and the intense stare taking place. Alex knew she shouldn't be watching. She trusted Emma and thought she trusted Olivia, at least she took off with Casey.

The silence between Emma and Olivia became uncomfortable and Emma, realizing she was still holding Olivia's wrists down, let go and ran her hands through her hair.

"Everything okay in here?" Rebecca said, coming into the kitchen and seeing something was going on. _Were they just fighting? That can't be right. Olivia and Emma get along so well._

"Yeah, everything is fine," Emma said, turning away from Olivia. "I'm not feeling well, so I think I'm going to call it an early night."

She walked out of the kitchen and Olivia's eyes followed her, realizing she had been out of line. Her eyes were begging for forgiveness.

"Emma..." she finally managed to say, but Emma was already gone.

"You gonna tell me what _that_ was about?" Rebecca said. Her tone was not the happy tone Olivia was used to hearing from her.

"Nothing," Olivia said, but Rebecca's face told her that _nothing_ wasn't going to cut it. "Fine. I may have said something implying something was going on with her and Alex."

Rebecca's mouth dropped open. That wasn't what she expected to hear.

"Seriously?" Rebecca said.

"What?" Olivia said. "I know, it was crazy. I'll apologize to her tomorrow."

"You're an idiot, Olivia Benson," Rebecca said. "And if Alex weren't sitting on the couch flirting her ass off with Jill right now, which I'm sure is why you're acting crazy, I'd have half a mind to punch you."

Olivia chuckled. "You're right. I'm acting like an idiot."

"No, I think I said you _were_ an idiot," Rebecca joked. _Did Olivia really not see it?_ "Now, I'm going to regret this later probably, but if you want to make it right, why don't you march in there and give my sister a reason to stop flirting with that dreadful woman, Jill."

"Uh, if you haven't noticed, we have a house full of people," Olivia said.

"Yes, and it's getting late," Rebecca said. "They've overstayed their welcome, and I'll take care of getting rid of them. You just need to get in there and make it right with Alex."

"You're a good sister," Olivia said.

"Yeah, well, you can thank me next time you have a party by inviting more straight men who aren't lawyers. You all have far too many gay friends," Rebecca said.

Olivia laughed. "You're probably right."

Olivia walked over to where Alex was sitting on the couch, now talking to Jill and Barba.

"Excuse me, but I'd like to steal my wife if you don't mind," Olivia said with a smirk.

Alex looked up, not expecting Olivia to be standing there. The last couple of hours had been spent by both of them watching each other from other parts of the room.

"Of course," Jill said. Alex took Olivia's hand and got up from the couch. Following her into their bedroom.

Once there were in there Olivia closed and locked the door.

"What is it you want, Olivia?" Alex said, remembering she was still pissed.

"You."

"Wha -"

Olivia pushed Alex back against the door and devoured her lips. Without even waiting on Alex to kiss her back, she moved her hands down to Alex's hips and pushed her body into Alex's.

"I'm pissed at you," Alex panted, her hands and her body telling a different story. _I suppose I can yell at her about Casey later._

"I'm pissed at you," Olivia mumbled into Alex's neckline. "But it doesn't change the fact that I want you, right now." _I suppose I can yell at her about Jill later._

Olivia's voice and desire sent a wave through Alex and caused her to pull Olivia even closer to her.

"We have guests," Alex said.

"Becca will take care of them," Olivia said before biting down on Alex's shoulder and squeezing Alex's hard nipple through her shirt.

The combo of the biting and squeezing was too much for Alex. She threw her head back against the door and let out a moan that was a little too loud.

The remaining guests at the party definitely heard the thud and Alex's moan. It brought all the conversations to a halt.

"Oh that note, I think it's time to say goodnight," Rebecca said, as she quickly helped everyone gather their jackets and ushered them out.

"It's about time," Barba said to Rebecca on his way out. "Those two have been squabbling like an old married couple for months now. Even worse than normal."

In the bedroom, Alex finally managed to push Olivia away long enough to drag them to the bed. At this point, she didn't even care if they still had company. All she wanted to do was get Olivia naked and remind her why she was her wife and not Casey or Emma or anyone else.

"Oh no," Olivia said when Alex tried to take control and get on top of her. "You had your control this morning. It's my turn now."

She flipped them over and straddled a naked Alex underneath her.

"I thought I was the one who got to do the _insisting_ tonight?" Alex asked, seductively.

"Oh, you can _insist_ all you want, and I promise to satisfy...every...single...need," Olivia said, in her own bedroom voice.

With that, Olivia leaned forward as she held Alex's arms down and starting moving her mouth down Alex's body. Licking Alex's ears. Biting the back of Alex's neck. Sucking on the hollow of her throat. Hands gripping Alex's hips while her thumbs made circular motions on her pelvis.

"Liv, I _insist_ you move quickly because I'm about to come undone whether you touch me or not," Alex said. Olivia grinned and went back to work, quickly moving down Alex's body.

In the living room, Emma came out when it sounded too quiet out there.

"Everyone leave already?" she asked Rebecca, who was cleaning up the quickly abandoned wine glasses and appetizer plates.

"Yep."

"That was quick," Emma said, going over to help Rebecca with the dishes. "Olivia and Alex leave you to clean up?"

"Not exactly..." Rebecca said. She laughed.

Emma cocked her head. "What?"

" _Olivia Margaret Benson! Fuck!"_

Emma's eyes got wide and met Rebecca's.

"Oh, I see," Emma said.

"Don't worry, I always carry spare earplugs," Rebecca said.

They went back to cleaning up knowing they were in for a long night in ahead of them.


	78. The Morning After

A/N: Get your tissues out. There are sweet, funny, angst, and sad scenes. But, oh so much angst.

Also, no fascination with Casey & Emma getting together. It was only mentioned once, and that was in the last chapter (though some reviewers mentioned it as a possibility before). I did say Emma liked redheads (and brunettes), but that was for her to make Olivia feel at ease about Emma & Alex (as in, blondes, aka Alex, wasn't her type). And we still don't quite know what Emma's orientation is exactly.

And yeah, the DA's office is pretty gay, or sexually fluid at least... haha. At least in this world. But we've only established Alex, Casey, and Jill as gay and/or bi. And maybe some randoms from the party that were never mentioned.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THE MORNING AFTER**

Olivia woke up at 4 in the morning after their party. She and Alex had stayed up much of the night. In fact, Olivia wasn't even sure she had completely fallen asleep. But, she did know she wasn't going to sleep either. There was too much on her mind.

Alex and Jill. Olivia feeling bad for not being truthful with Alex about their time apart. Emma.

She knew that she had been out of line accusing Emma of sleeping with Alex. Emma was straight, after all, according to Alex, and well, Emma had become a good friend to both of them. Olivia knew she had hurt her feelings and that she needed to apologize.

Olivia finally got of bed and decided to have some coffee. There was no sense in trying to force sleep that wasn't coming. It was still dark outside, but she did see there was a lamp on in the living room. _It must have been left on last night._ She was surprised when she saw Emma sitting on the couch, drinking tea, and reading what looked like case law books.

Emma looked up when she saw Olivia come in.

"Olivia."

"Hi," Olivia said, smiling.

"You're up early," Emma said.

"I was just going to have some coffee, or I guess maybe I should have tea, too," Olivia said. Emma had turned Olivia and Alex into bigger tea drinkers. More Olivia than Alex, who still had never passed up a cup of coffee.

"I got a new kind the other day," Emma said. "It's on the counter if you want to try it."

Olivia walked into the kitchen and put the electric kettle on. She pulled the tea out read the label. _Raspberry Rose Hibiscus?_ She smelled it and since it smelled okay, she decided to try it. When her water was done, she poured her mug and dipped the tea bag in before going back to sit with Emma on the couch.

"You're up early, too," Olivia said, sitting at the opposite end of the couch.

"I couldn't really sleep," Emma said. Her face and voice looked sad.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "That's probably my fault, huh?"

"Oh, you and Alex last night? No, Rebecca gave me a pair of earplugs," Emma said, smiling finally.

Olivia laughed. "Well, there is that, too, but that's not what I was apologizing for."

"I know," Emma said. "And did you apologize?" Emma said, teasing Olivia.

"I said I was sorry," Olivia said.

"You said you were sorry I couldn't sleep," Emma said. "Then you acknowledged it was your fault. Acknowledgment isn't an apology."

Olivia laughed again. "I really need to stop hanging out with lawyers," she said.

"You probably do," Emma said, continuing their playful banter. "Now, what was this about an apology?"

"You're really going to make me do this?" Olivia groaned.

"Well, I think I deserve one, don't I?" Emma said. "I mean, you _did_ accuse me of fucking your wife."

"I kind of did, didn't I?" Olivia said, cringing at those words - _fucking your wife._

Emma gave her a nod and a smirk.

"I am sorry, Emma," Olivia said. "I believe you and I trust you. I also believe you when you say nothing happened in the past. I was out of line last night and apologize for that."

"Then I forgive you," Emma said.

"That's it?" Olivia said.

"What? You apologized. You seemed sincere. I forgave you," Emma said.

"Wow, I wish Alex was as easy as you," Olivia said.

"Hey! I'll have you know I am _not_ easy," Emma said. "And Alex sounded pretty easy for you last night...and this morning."

"Ohh, god," Olivia groaned. "If Alex only knew half of the things you and Rebecca say to me about her..."

"You think we don't have the same kinds of conversations with her about you?" Emma said, smiling over her mug.

Olivia eyed her carefully, consider to ask what kinds of conversations. She decided against it.

"I don't want to know, do I?" Olivia said.

"Probably not," Emma said.

"So, we're good?" Olivia asked, wanting to confirm that Emma really had forgiven her just like that.

"Yes, Liv, we're good," Emma said. "Listen, you've been a really good friend and uh, I just want to say thank you. Coming back to New York after being gone so long and trying to reclaim my old life has been tough. I'm glad that you - and Alex - have been here for me, and I'm happy that you and I have become friends. I mean, I know you were a little uncertain about me before then."

"I -"

Emma put her hand up and shook her head.

"You saw a naked woman coming out of your girlfriend's shower with no explanation, I'd expect you to be uncertain about me," Emma said.

"I admit that, this - our friendship - was unexpected...in a good way," Olivia said. "But I'm glad that you've been around. It's actually been helpful to me and Alex during this rough patch."

"Glad I can be helpful with something besides food," Emma said. "And a word to the wise, you should consider not overtly checking out your house guests ass when they're doing yoga, especially when you're right in front of Alex."

Olivia's eyes got big and she turned 50 shades of red.

"What? You think I didn't notice someone staring behind me?" Emma said. "I mean, I thought it was Alex until I turned around and realized what happened."

"You knew?"

"Yeah, I knew," Emma said. "Also, Alex told me about it, too. She found it pretty funny actually."

"She would," Olivia said. "In my defense, I thought it was Alex."

"Oh come on, Olivia, we all know I have a much better ass than Alex," Emma said. "Legs? She'll win that one hands down, but I know my strengths."

"I feel like chopped liver now, what do I get to win?" Olivia said.

"Have you seen your abs? And arms? And ...Uh, I see your cocky face right now. Don't let it go to your head," Emma said, seeing a cocky smile form on Olivia's face.

"It seems I'm not the only one who has been checking their house mate out," Olivia said.

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't come up with anything.

"And that's how I know I've won an argument with a lawyer...when I can render them speechless," Olivia said, laughing.

Emma threw a pillow at Emma. "I'm so telling Alex on you," she laughed.

"Speaking of which, I better get back in there before she wakes up," Olivia said. "She was pissed off about something last night before...well, she was pissed about something. Muttered something about Casey during the night. Do you have any idea what that is about?"

"Not a clue," Emma said. "Remember, I fled the kitchen after you accused me of -"

"Yeah, we don't need to say those words again," Olivia said. "I'm sure I'll hear all about it later. Hear all about what she's pissed off about that is, not ..."

Emma laughed.

"By the way, what's the breakfast plan with Alex's mom?" Emma asked.

"We were just going to meet her at a diner near Rebecca's apartment," Olivia said.

"Why don't you let me cook for everyone? That way the three of you don't have to take your hangovers out in public," Emma offered.

"That sounds like a good plan," Olivia said. "I'll text Caroline once I'm sure she's up. I'm sure she's prefer that anyway. She likes your cooking."

"Everyone likes my cooking."

"Who's getting cocky now?" Olivia said. She got up off the couch, leaving Emma to continue her work, and returned to a sleeping Alex in the bedroom. Of course, she no longer had a place to get in the bed since Alex had sprawled out across the entire bed. Olivia smiled. _Damm. I love that woman._

She took the chair by the window and watched out the window until the sun rose.

#

Alex work a few hours later to the sun shining in through the window. She rolled over and looked at the clock.

"Shit!" she yelled. "Olivia, we're going to be late meeting mom for breakfast and getting Noah. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Relax," Olivia said. "You're mom is on her way over here with Noah. Emma decided it would be easier to cook for us here rather than trying to have breakfast with three hungover adults and a toddler."

"Oh," Alex said. "That makes sense. But, our apartment, it's probably a wreck. We need to clean up."

"It's taken care of," Olivia said. "Becca and Em did it last night after we, uh, well..."

Alex smiled through her sleepy face.

"Anyway, they did most of the work last night, and this morning I finished up anything that needed to be done," Olivia said.

"Does Emma need help in the kitchen?" Alex said.

"No," Olivia said. "In fact, when I tried to help, she kicked me out of the kitchen."

Alex nodded, thinking back to seeing Olivia and Emma in the kitchen the night before. Then she remembered the rest of the night. _Casey._

"Liv, we need to talk about some things," Alex said.

"I know, babe," Olivia said. "But Becca and Emma are here, and your mom and Noah will be here anytime. We'll have to talk later, okay?"

Alex nodded and Olivia leaned down to give her a kiss.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too, Liv."

#

Alex got up and got dressed and joined everyone else in the living room while Emma finished up breakfast. Caroline and Noah had also just arrived.

"Where's Becca?" Alex asked.

"Still sleeping. Or dead. I'm not sure yet," Olivia said. She was joking of course. She had just recently gone in to check on her.

"Maybe Noah should go give her a wake-up call," Alex said, grinning. Getting to torture her sister for a change was appealing to her.

"What do you say, Noah? Want to go kick Aunt Becca out of your room?"

"Becca!" Noah shouted and ran off to his room.

"She's going to kill you," Olivia said.

"Hey, at least I didn't send him in with any musical instruments," Alex said.

"BECCAAAAAAA!"

"What the Fuu-Fudge, Noah!" they heard Becca yell from the bedroom.

Rebecca came stumbling into the living room, still half asleep.

"Good morning, sunshine," Alex said

"That wasn't very nice," Rebecca said. "Especially after _someone_ kept me up all night, _Olivia Margaret Benson._ "

"Oh, what a beautiful middle name, Olivia," Caroline said. "I had no idea."

Alex, Rebecca, and Olivia just stared at Caroline, unsure what to say.

"Oh, is this another one of those sex things like _Alexandra_?" Caroline said.

"Mom!" Alex shouted. "Becca, you told her about that?"

"Just remember, I play this revenge game so much better than you, Allie," Rebecca said.

"In case anyone cares, my middle name is Grace," Emma said. "And breakfast is ready."

Noah had already eaten, so he pulled out some toys to play with in the living room while the adults gathered around the table.

Emma had cooked a feast. Bacon. Eggs. Fruit. Pancakes. Hashbrowns. Toast. Orange juice.

"Ms. Cabot, here's your poached egg and English muffin if you want it," Emma said. "Liv said that's how you preferred your eggs."

"Thank you, dear," Caroline said. "And please, call me Caroline. Now, did you girls have a good time at your party?"

Everyone was quiet. Aside from Rebecca, everyone had been pissed off at some point during the night. Even Rebecca had been pissed off at Olivia for upsetting Alex and Emma. She had watched most of the night's events unfold. But the question from Caroline had returned much of the tension from the previous night.

"It was a great party," Rebecca finally said.

"Sweetie, do you have any champagne left?" Caroline asked Alex. "I'd like to make a mimosa with my orange juice."

"That depends on if Alex drank it all last night," Olivia said. She was trying to be funny.

Alex didn't find it funny.

"Excuse me?" Alex said.

"It was just a joke, babe," Olivia said. "I'm sorry."

"Well, I wouldn't have had to drink all the champagne if you could've kept your hands to yourself last night," Alex snapped.

Everyone else at the table froze. Even Rebecca couldn't come up with a quick way to get out of this.

Emma put her head down. _Had Alex seen them in the kitchen and misunderstood it?_

"Alex," Caroline warned. She was the only one with enough sense to speak.

Alex ignored her mother's warning and continued.

"What? You don't have anything to say now? You and Casey had plenty to talk about last night, in Noah's room, mind you," Alex said.

"Wha - Casey? Alex, what are you talking about?" Olivia said.

"Alex, why don't we go to the kitchen and make mom a mimosa? I'm pretty sure there is another bottle we didn't open," Rebecca said. She had no idea if there was more, but she wanted to get Alex out of there.

"Did you know, Becca?" Alex said. She remained sitting while Rebecca came over to try and coax her up.

"Know what, Allie?" Rebecca said.

"That she was fucked Casey," Alex said. "And God know what they did in Noah's room last night."

Olivia's mouth dropped open, and everyone's head snapped to look at her.

"Alex!" Olivia said, jumping up and grabbing Alex's arm. She wasn't as forceful as she was momentarily afraid she was going to be, but still firm enough that she pulled Alex up out of the chair.

Olivia glanced over at Rebecca, who looked like she was ready to kill her.

"I did not sleep with Casey. Not last night and not ever," Olivia said. She was mostly talking to Rebecca, to calm her sister-in-law down, but she wanted to make sure Alex heard it, too.

Olivia turned her focus back to Alex and pulled her into their bedroom.

In the dining room, Noah had noticed the commotion and yelling and went over to hug Caroline.

"Mamma mad?" Noah asked.

"No, honey, Mama isn't mad," Caroline said. "What do you say we go to the park, Noah? All of us." She looked over at Rebecca and Emma, letting them know to leave everything and come with them.

They quickly picked up their jackets and left the apartment. Caroline realized it was probably too cold for the park today, but they would figure out someplace to go.

Inside the bedroom, Alex sat on the bed crying and Olivia sat in the chair by the window. They knew enough not to say anything until they heard everyone leave. Even if they didn't ask them to leave, they were both smart enough to know what was happening out there, especially with Noah in the apartment. Speaking to each other right now would only lead to more screaming, and they needed privacy for that.

Finally, Olivia's phone buzzed on the nightstand. She looked at Alex, giving her the sign to pick it up.

"It's a text from Emma," Alex said. "She says they went to the park and to text when it's safe to return. And a Shakespeare quote."

She looked at the text message again and handed it to Olivia to respond.

 _We thought a trip to the park was a fabulous idea. Text when it's safe to return. "The course of true love never did run smooth." Xoxo -Em_

 _Thanks. I'll text later. -Liv_

"Midsummer Night's Dream," Olivia said. "The quote."

"I know where it's from, Olivia," Alex said.

Olivia sighed.

"I've never slept with Casey," Olivia finally said calmly. "I've never kissed Casey. I've never done anything with Casey."

"That's not what it sounded like last night," Alex said.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia said.

"Last night on the couch with Jill. Casey asked if you remember that night you all went out," Alex said.

"She just meant we went to a club," Olivia said. "And when did you start spying on my conversations?"

"I wasn't spying. You were having a conversation in public, on our couch, in our home," Alex said. "I didn't realize privacy was implied there. Besides, if she just meant you going out to a club, then what did she mean about _that one time on her kitchen floor_? That seems a bit more clear cut to me."

"Oh, for Christ's sake!" Olivia said.

"What? You're upset because you got caught in a lie? You swore to me, Olivia, that you didn't date anyone that I knew. And you know what, even if you had, it would have been okay. But Casey? My replacement at SVU? The women I call a friend and let in our house? At the very least, you should have told me," Alex said.

Olivia leaned her head back and rubbed her face with her hand. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, what Alex thought of her...and Casey.

"It wasn't Casey," Olivia said.

"What? Who else is Casey going to let you fuck on her kitchen floor?" Alex snapped back.

"Her sister," Olivia said.

"She let you have sex with her sister on her kitchen floor?" Alex said with an unbelieving tone.

"No," Olivia said. "She just walked in while we were, uh, anyway, I didn't sleep with Casey. We were and are friends. And we went out a lot together while we were apart."

"And that translated into you picking up her sister?" Alex said.

"No, we were having a girls night, watching movies and stuff, and Christy was there. Casey got called out to a scene, and I stayed and hung out with Christy," Olivia said. "And well..."

Alex put her hand up, she didn't want to hear the rest.

"You should have told me," Alex said.

"That I slept with Casey's sister? I told you they were no one you knew, and if I remember correctly, you didn't want to details," Olivia said.

"So, I've never met Casey's sister, still," Alex said.

"Oh, and like you've been go damn forthcoming?" Olivia said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jill?" Olivia said.

"I was just flirting with her last night because I was drunk and pissed off at you," Alex said. "With good reason. Besides, I told you, we never slept together, and we didn't."

"Yeah, but it sounds like you came pretty damn close," Olivia said. "I mean, you may as well have once she had you half naked on her bed."

"We were broken up, and if I'd wanted to fuck the whole damn city, it was no business of yours. It doesn't change that we didn't, and I was truthful about that," Alex said.

"Yeah, except when you spend half of your work week with Jill," Olivia said. "How many nights have you been home late with the excuse of _late meetings_ or a working dinner with Jill?"

"We work together, Olivia!"

"Yeah, well, you and I did, too, once, and we know what happened on those nights when we were _working late_ ," Olivia said.

"Screw you," Alex said.

"You did," Olivia said.

"I did nothing wrong!" Alex said. "I did nothing wrong with you, and I've done nothing wrong with Jill. So maybe I misunderstood some things last night."

"Yeah, I'd say some pretty big things," Olivia said.

"You know what I didn't misunderstand," Alex said. "Casey very clearly said you weren't a saint when I was gone. And based on what she told you about technicalities, it seems like your _I only slept with 3 people_ is utter bullshit."

Olivia opened her mouth, but her words got caught somewhere in her throat. She knew Alex had her here. She was wrong to have lied to Alex, even if she wanted to justify it by technicality. Olivia finally just hung her head.

"That's what I thought," Alex said. "You know what, I wouldn't even have cared what the number was. But you lied to me, Olivia. You lied to my face. And then you had the nerve last night to accuse Emma of sleeping with me?"

"You heard that?"

"No, but drunken Casey did and filled me in," Alex said.

"I apologized to Emma this morning," Olivia said.

"I'm sure you did," Alex said, almost accusatory.

"What does that supposed to mean?" Olivia said.

"It doesn't mean anything, Olivia," Alex said. "Unlike you, I'm not implying anything. But the fact that your priority upon waking up at 4 o'clock this morning was apologizing to her and not me tells me that something is wrong with our relationship. Everyone else seems to be a priority over me."

"I thought you were sleeping," Olivia said. "And I told you this morning that we would talk today. And are you serious with your priority, shit? I've been begging you for months to get away, to spend time with me, and you very clearly told me to drop it. You were too busy to deal with _us_ right now."

"Yes, and you said you'd support me," Alex said. "And all I've seen is you doing what I asked by dropping it, but to you that translate to you giving up, not being supportive. I mean, how many times have you promised you'd be to bed soon, and you don't make for hours after everyone has long gone to bed. That's not support, Olivia. That's giving up on us."

"Alex -"

"No, Liv," Alex said. "I'm done talking about this now. I have a headache. I'm still hungry, and I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting with you, and I'm tired of...I don't know. This."

"What are you saying, Alex," Olivia said.

"I'm not saying anything except I'm tired, Liv," Alex said. "We're married. You're my wife. We'll get through this. But right now, I need time and space. So I'd prefer if you slept in Noah's room for a while. Or, I'll sleep in there, whatever."

"How long?"

"I don't know," Alex said, tears forming in her eyes. "Until I can look at you and not want to punch you in the face."

Olivia was struck by surprise and amusement. Alex's comment broke her heart because she knew Alex meant it, but it was also funny. She gave Alex a half-smile and nodded in agreement, which Alex returned to her.

"I'm going to text Rebecca and give her the all clear?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I"ll work on heating up breakfast," Olivia said.

"I guess we're gonna owe Emma a pretty big apology for screwing up her breakfast," Alex said. "In fact, I'm kind of pissed with myself for not waiting until after we ate to yell at you. I was really looking forward to it."

Olivia smiled.

"Come here," Olivia said as Alex walked back toward the bed to get her phone. She held out her hand and let Alex take her hand before pulling her in for a hug.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said, tears falling as Alex put her head on Olivia's shoulder. "And I will love you forever."

"I love you, too, Liv," Alex said, now sobbing into Olivia's shoulder. "And we'll get through this. I promise I'm not going anywhere."


	79. Community Policing

A/N: A showdown over work for Emma & Olivia (see, Emma isn't perfect). A sweet AO moment. Oh, and a mention of Tucker (since he was in this episode) - before you ask - NO, this is not a Tuckson fic. There will be no pairing. But since he was in this episode, I used it to show the S17 established friendship between the two. Also, wanted to use this chapter to move the story along, especially where AO is concerned.

Took this one out of order, as Sgt. Dodds wasn't around when this episode aired. Just go with it.

Next up: Emma is going to get a love interest & it's almost time for her to move out. Townhouse Incident. And a few other off script things coming.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: COMMUNITY POLICING**

" _How many more times must we mourn the death of an innocent, black, youth at the hands of those who were sworn to protect? How many more have to die?"_

Olivia watched the news footage in horror with Barba and Emma. Not horror from what she was seeing and hearing, but horror over the tragedy that had taken place.

NYPD had killed an innocent unarmed, black, youth who they believe to be a serial rapist.

"We have to convene a grand jury," Barba said. "The DA is insistent. If I fail to get an indictment, it's on me."

"So you'll push for one even though those officers were just doing their job?" Olivia said. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Yes, the young man was innocent and unarmed, but the officers had no way of knowing that in the heat of the moment. They had to act on the information given to them at the moment.

"Their jobs? They fired at an unarmed college student 35 times," Barba said.

"We were in hot pursuit of a dangerous rapist," Olivia said. "Terrance matched the BOLO down to his jersey, he ran -"

"A black man in a basketball jersey runs when he gets stopped by the police?" Emma said. "You're right, he deserves the death penalty."

Olivia spun around and gave Emma an incredulous stare. "That's not what I'm saying."

"It's not?" Emma said.

Barba's assistant knocked on his door and let in NYPD's Deputy Commissioner Abraham.

"Counselors. Lieutenant Benson," he said, greeting them in his smug tone. "I trust you're here to assure our friend Mr. Barba that this was a good shooting? Or does this relate to the serial rapist you still haven't caught?"

"Actually...actually, I was just leaving," Olivia said before walking out and shooting a glare toward Barba and Emma.

By mid-afternoon Barba and Emma had met with IAB, butting heads with them over their report that it was a good shooting. Barba called Olivia and Captain Harris back to his office by afternoon.

"We have to convene a grand jury by tomorrow," he said. "My advice: make sure your guys tell the truth in their own words. If they sound coached or too legalistic -"

"They'll do fine," Captain Harris said. "It's a tragedy -"

"But it was a good shoot," Olivia said.

"Tom Wolfe is right," Emma said. "Sooner or later, all cops become Irish." Olivia rolled her eyes at the insinuation.

"Look, I don't get to choose these jurors. For a grand jury, it's the first 23 through the door, and you can bet every single one of them will have seen something already about this case," Barba said.

Just then Barba's assistant came and turned on the television to show them the latest news coverage - another press conference by the family which showed damaging video evidence from a bystander confirming to everyone that the young man was unarmed and was attempting to raise his hands when he was shot by the police.

"This changes things," Barba said.

"It doesn't change a damn thing," Captain Harris replied.

"I know this looks bad, but this is not the angle they had," Olivia said, trying to reason with Barba and Emma. "If it were, of course, they would never have taken the shot. They were in the heat of the chase. It was dark."

"They were following procedure," Harris said.

"They were doing what any cop would have done in their situation," Olivia said.

"Any cop?" Barba asked. "Even you?"

#

Olivia got home late that night. Aside from spending time with Noah, she didn't see much reason to go home. She was angry with Emma, even more so than with Barba. Olivia knew Barba had to take the lead on this, but her few private conversations with Emma led Olivia to believe had Barba not been behind this move, Emma would be gung-ho for it. She wanted the cops prosecuted and charged with manslaughter.

On top of that, it had only been a few days since her fight with Alex. Things were still icy with her, and she was still relegated to sleeping in Noah's room.

No, tonight, home was the last place she wanted to be. But since she wanted to see Noah before he was completely asleep, she went back anyway.

When she walked in, both Emma and Alex were on opposite ends of the couch, legal pads in hand, and writing away. Noah was playing with a toy on the floor between them.

"Hey," Alex said, looking up as Olivia was hanging up her coat. "There is some leftovers in the fridge."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Olivia said. Instead, she made her way to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine.

"Shouldn't Noah be in bed?" Olivia said when she came back into the living room.

"Yes, usually he'd be getting his bedtime story, but I thought I'd wait on you," Alex said. "I didn't know when you'd be home since you didn't call or text."

Olivia sat down her wine and picked up Noah.

"Come on, little man, let's get you to bed," Olivia said. She carried him to the bedroom where she proceeded to let him pick out his favorite book. Alex followed her to Noah's bedroom and sat on the larger bed that Olivia had been sleeping in.

"I saw the news today," Alex said. "Are you okay?"

"Why don't you ask Emma?" Olivia said. "I'm sure she filled you in."

"She didn't actually," Alex said. "She's been relatively quiet tonight, working. Why?"

"Let's just say that the NYPD and the DA's office have a difference of opinion," Olivia said.

"Liv, you know Emma is just doing her job," Alex said. "Just because we have to do things we don't like sometimes doesn't mean -"

"Oh, no, I don't think that's it," Olivia said. "She believes they are guilty and need to go to prison."

"Oh," Alex said. "Are they?"

Olivia just looked up and shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Alex," Olivia said. "I just think it's easy for the general public to have all the answers in hindsight, with no idea what officers face every day out there."

Alex walked over and put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. It was the first time they had shared an affectionate touch since Olivia moved her stuff into Noah's bedroom.

"I understand how dangerous your job is," Alex said. "So, I'm not judging. Trust me, I would have a hard time being in Barba and Emma's position right now. Just know that I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

Olivia sighed. "I'm okay, Alex," she said and opened up the book Noah had chosen. She began reading to him, effectively ending her conversation with Alex.

When she came back to the living room after Noah was asleep, Emma and Alex were still on the couch talking. Olivia was about to join them when she heard the word _Ferguson_ come up from Emma.

"Are you kidding me, Emma?" Olivia said. "Ferguson? This is not Ferguson. I'm starting to wonder if the mighty DA's office is on a witch hunt just so they can look good in front of the community - justice be damned."

"How is it different, Olivia?" Emma said. "An innocent unarmed black kid gets shot to death by the police. How is it different? If fact, at least in Ferguson they had a reason to even stop him since he had just stolen something. Maybe not kill him. But this kid, Terrance, he had done nothing wrong."

"He met the description of a serial rapist, was wearing the same jersey as the suspect, and ran from the cops!" Olivia said. "What were they supposed to think?"

"35 times, Olivia. They shot that kid 35 times," Emma said.

Alex sat on the couch watching the exchange. Both women were standing and pacing at this point, staring each other down. Alex remembered all the times she and Olivia had done the same things. Both so passionate about their jobs and opinions. But Alex was smart enough to know to keep out of this one. She could see both sides, and was just glad this wasn't her case to prosecute because things were bad enough between her and Olivia right now.

"That's the problem with all you lawyers and the DA's office," Olivia said. "You get so focused on conviction rates and making a name for yourself that you forget about what is important, and you forget about the people who are actually out there doing your damn job for you."

"Our jobs? If the cops had already found the serial rapists, they wouldn't have even of had to chase after Terrance, and he'd still be alive," Emma said.

"Screw you," Olivia said, as they moved closer to each other, merely inches from each other's face. "I'll have you know that the NYPD and my squad specifically has been busting their ass looking for that guy. Yes, this is a tragedy, but it was a mistake that any cop could have made."

"And you? Would you have taken that shot?" Emma said. "I know you wouldn't have. You've had only, what, 2 shootings? But you cops and your _thin blue line_ crap. Maybe that's what this is about. Your old partner, what was his name, Elliot? He would have shot, wouldn't he? Still protecting him all these years later, _Lieutenant_?"

Alex cocked her head. First off, she had no idea how Emma knew about Stabler. Olivia must have told her, but second of all, she had a feeling Olivia was about to lose it. Emma seemed to know exactly what buttons to push.

Alex started to get up.

"You know what, I'm done with this," Olivia said, turning to leave.

Emma reached out and grabbed her wrist and hand to stop her. "Liv, wait...I'm sorry."

Olivia looked down at her hand, then up at Emma's pleading eyes. Then she looked over at Alex before Emma let her hand go. Olivia put her head down and headed off to the bedroom to get ready for bed, leaving Emma standing there and Alex sitting on the couch wondering what the fuck just happened.

Emma sat back down on the couch and picked up her legal pad.

"Is she going to stay mad forever?" Emma said.

"No, but bringing up Stabler was a pretty dangerous move," Alex said.

"Yeah, I see that," Emma said. "God, why is she so stubborn?"

"One could ask the same question about you," Alex said, smiling.

"True, but I really believe those officers were acting negligently at the very least," Emma said.

"And Olivia really believes they were doing their jobs to the best of their ability," Alex said. "Trust me, you're not going to win this with her, no matter which way it goes."

"And what would you do if you were Barba and me?" Emma said.

"I'd do my job based on what the DA's office wanted," Alex said.

"That's not an answer," Emma said. "No wait, it is an answer. A politician's answer."

"Exactly, which is why I'm not going near that question with a ten-foot pole," Alex said. "Let's just say I'm glad it's you having this fight tonight with Olivia and not me."

#

The grand jury came on Friday, and it was brutal for everyone who had to testify.

"All police procedures were followed" was Olivia's motto, much to the frustration of Barba and Emma.

In the end, though, it didn't matter how much she believed it to be true. The grand jury upped the indictments on two defendants to manslaughter and indicted the third one on negligent homicide. Granted, it would be tougher to prove for the prosecution, but the message from the grand jury was clear - the community was tired of the shootings.

By Friday night, that message was even more abundantly clear when a police officer was shot in the face and killed during a routine traffic stop.

When Olivia finally got home, she was devastated and angry. She wasn't angry at anyone in particular, and definitely not Emma and Barba. Annoyed? Yes. But not angry. They were only doing their jobs, just as she believed the cops had been.

Still, anytime an officer was killed in the line of duty, it was a hard day for all of the NYPD.

The apartment when quiet when she arrived home, but it didn't take her long to find Alex in the kitchen, pulling what looked like dinner out of the oven.

"Hey," Olivia said. "Where's Noah and Emma?"

"She was brave enough to take him to the movies with Rebecca," Alex said. "She thought maybe you - we - could use a night to ourselves after today."

"You mean she's afraid I'm going to kick her ass?" Olivia said, smiling.

"Maybe a little of that, too," Alex said. "Although, that would be kind of hot."

She gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek. Olivia was grateful for the affection, as she was still unsure where she stood with Alex.

"So, it's just us with a quiet apartment to ourselves for a while?" Olivia said. She wasn't trying to be suggestive. She was just really surprised because it had been a while.

"Yep," Alex said, carrying the casserole to the dinner table where the plates were already out, and candles were lit. "Listen, Liv, I'm not trying to send you mixed messages. I want tonight to be about us. I want you to relax and take your mind off today. But, I'm also not ..."

"It's okay, Alex," Olivia said. "I know. I lied to you, and we have some issues to work through, so no pressure from me. But thank you for this. This is a pleasant surprise."

"How are things otherwise at work?" Alex asked after they talked about their day and other random tidbits for a while.

"They're going okay," Olivia said. "Dodds is at some training. Tucker and I have become friends of sorts lately. He actually defended the cops in the incident this week."

"IAB Tucker?" Alex said. "Tucker who arrested you for murder, Tucker?"

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, we're past that," Olivia said. "We even joke about it now. He was just -"

"Doing his job?" Alex said.

"Well, you have to admit, it was a damn good frame job," Olivia said. "Lucky for me I had such a good lawyer that my _concerned friends_ took care of for me."

"It was. And don't you mean a scumbag lawyer?" Alex teased as what Olivia called Langan for years.

"I guess Trevor turned out to be not so bad," Olivia said. "I mean, he did help us get Noah. Anyway, who would have ever thought we call Ed Tucker and Trevor friends?"

"Who would have thought we'd be here?" Alex said.

"Me," Olivia said. "I knew from the minute I saw you that I'd never be able to get you out of my head."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Detective?" Alex said. "Because I've already told you, I'm going home alone tonight."

Olivia laughed. "Okay, one - we live together, even if you kicked me out of our bedroom. And two - I'm not trying to seduce you. I just want you to know how long I've known that I wanted you in my life. I mean, if we had a baby that first year we met, he or she would be a teenager by now."

"And I'm sure probably a handful," Alex said. "Also, I've known since the moment I met you that I wanted to be in Olivia Benson's life."

Alex leaned over and gave a gentle kiss to Olivia.

"What about Emma?" Alex said.

"Uh, what?" Olivia said. "What do you mean?"

"You two had a pretty nasty argument last night," Alex said. "Everything going to be okay?"

"Oh, yeah, we'll be fine," Olivia said. "I'm sorry for the argument."

"Are you kidding?" Alex said. "For the most part, it was amusing. It actually reminded me of some of our old fights and made me glad we don't work in the same unit anymore."

"Well, you haven't tried to steal any of my cases lately, so..."

"Olivia..." Alex warned, teasingly.

"I'm just kidding," Olivia said.

After dinner and before Noah and Emma got home, Olivia went to her her room / Noah's room to change into her pajamas. There was a card lying on her bed with Emma's handwriting on it.

The card simply said "I'm sorry" printed on the outside and was blank on the inside, aside from Emma's handwriting.

 _Liv, I'm so very sorry for last night. I went too far with my personal comments and apologize. I think it's fair to think we'll have a difference of opinion on things, and it would be foolish to allow those things to affect our friendship. Please forgive me. - Emma xoxo_

" _Friendship is constant in all other things_

 _Save in the office and affairs of love."_

 _\- Much Ado About Nothing_

Olivia smiled. Leave it to Emma to find a Shakespeare quote for everything. What could be more fitting, too? She pulled out a note of her own and began writing.

 _Emma, I forgive you._

 _You apologized. You're sincere. I forgive you. It's that easy. - Liv xoxo_

 _A friend should bear his friend's infirmities._

 _-Julius Caesar_


	80. A Series of Unfortunate Events

A/N: Some fun for your for the reviews. I appreciate them all, whether here or on twitter. Glad you guys are still having fun with this. I still am, too.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS**

"Just think, by this time next month, you two will be free of me," Emma said as she strolled down the street with Alex and Olivia. They had been to dinner and intended to see a movie, but it ended up being sold out.

"I know," Alex said. "I'm kind of sad. It's been nice having you around. I know I'm going to miss you."

"Me too...at least her cooking," Olivia said, eliciting an eye roll from the other two women. "What? It's not like we don't all work together. I already hide when I see Emma come into the squad room."

"Why me and not Barba?" Emma said, pretending to be hurt.

"Because Barba is her work husband," Alex said.

"Oh, you've noticed that, too?" Emma said, laughing. "Anyway, I can't believe the movie sold out before we got there. Any other suggestions?"

"We could go home and watch a movie there," Alex suggested. "Noah should be asleep so Becca can watch with us."

"I still can't believe she chose to babysit for us when Lucy offered," Olivia said. "Are you sure she's still not upset with me from, well, the breakfast from hell?"

"No, I explained our _misunderstanding_ to her," Alex said. "She's fine."

"If you say so," Olivia said. "She just has seemed distant."

"She's just a protective older sister," Emma said, smiling softly at Olivia. "Now, the question remains, what flavor ice cream are we taking home with us?"

Emma could always be counted on to change the subject when it began to get uncomfortable.

After picking up ice cream and arguing between plain chocolate, mint chip, and rocky road, they finally made it home (with all three flavors).

"It's really dark in here," Alex said. "Maybe Rebecca went to bed, but it's kind of early."

Olivia slid her hands along the wall for the light switch. She turned it on, and the three women moved toward the living room.

As Emma started to take one more step, she froze, and Olivia walked straight into her back.

"Oh!" Emma said.

"What the -" Olivia said. "Why did you sto -" Olivia put her hands on Emma's shoulder to keep them from falling.

Alex, not involved in the collision, stood silently with her hand covering her mouth.

Two adult bodies were lying on their couch, kissing, touching, and oblivious to the fact that they now had an audience. It was obvious the one on top was Rebecca but...

"Rebecca!" Alex shouted. "What the hell?"

Both people on the couch jump and Rebecca yelped, before falling to the floor and off of her guest.

"TREVOR?!" Alex said, realizing who her sister was making out with on her couch.

"Wha? Why?" Alex said, barely able to get out any words. Olivia and Emma stood on in silence, Olivia still looking over Emma's shoulder.

"Alex, I can explain," Rebecca said, finally getting up from the floor. It was fortunate for everyone in the room that they were both still clothed.

"Oh, I can't wait to hear the explanation for why you're doing...that...with Trevor...on my couch," Alex said.

Rebecca looked back at Trevor, who shrugged and gave her a nod.

"We're dating," Rebecca said. "And he came over to help babysit, and Noah went to sleep, and why the hell aren't you at the movie?"

"It was sold out," Alex said. "Trevor? Really?"

"Yeah, I'm in the room, Alex," Trevor said. "And yes, we're dating, and have been for about a month now."

"A month?!" Olivia said, finally speaking.

"Well, I mean, we've known each other forever," Rebecca said.

"Yeah, which makes ... this... even more shocking," Alex said.

"Still here, Alex," Trevor said.

"Shut up, Trevor," Alex said. "I'm not talking to you."

"Listen, Allie," Rebecca said. "We weren't inappropriate if you're worried about that. And we wouldn't have been. I have my own apartment for those kinds of things."

"I'm going to vomit," Alex said. "You're really dating?"

"Yes, and I hope you can be supportive of that," Rebecca said. "I mean, you said yourself that you liked Trevor now."

"Aw, you really said that, Allie?" Trevor said.

"I said, shut up, Trevor, and don't ever call me that again," Alex said. "And yes, I said that, but that was before I knew he was doing whatever to my sister."

"Well, I assure you he's doing more than whatever," Rebecca said with a smirk.

Olivia and Emma, who had been watching mostly in silence, burst out laughing at the comment. Alex glared at them, which shut them up quickly, however.

"Fine," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "I guess I can be okay with this."

Rebecca walked over to Alex to give her a hug. Trevor got up and walked that way as well.

"Trevor, if you even think about hugging me, I will punch you," Alex said.

#

Olivia had been out at a crime scene and the hospital most of the day. It was early Saturday evening, and Alex had taken Noah to see Caroline for the weekend. Olivia had planned to be squad room until late in the evening, but when it seemed like everything was under control, she decided to head home early. Emma had plans so Olivia was looking forward to a nice, quiet night at home.

When she came through the door, she hung up her jacket and got an eerie sense of deja vu. The apartment was mostly dark, but no one was home, so that made sense. Still, something seemed off, so Olivia reached to her side for her gun.

As she moved farther into the apartment, she began to hear noises. _Is someone here?_ Most of the noises sounded muffled, and she couldn't make them out.

Finally, she could see shadows. As her eyes focused, it looked like Emma...and...

"Emma?" Olivia said, gun still pointed because she was surprised.

"Shit! Liv!" Emma said, pushing the other person away from her.

"You scared the crap out of me," Olivia said.

"Yeah, well, can you put your gun away, you're scaring me now," Emma said.

Olivia looked at her hands. "Sorry," Olivia said, putting it back in its holster.

Emma reached over and turned a lamp on next to the couch.

"Do your friends always pull guns on your dates?" the woman next to Emma said.

Emma laughed. "Um, no," she said. "Jennifer, meet Lieutenant Olivia Benson with the NYPD. Oddly enough, she's in charge of the sex crimes unit."

Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes at Emma's joke.

"Liv, this is Jennifer my, uh, plans tonight," Emma said.

"Nice to meet you, Olivia," Jennifer said.

"Likewise, and I'm sorry I scared you with the gun," Olivia said. "I didn't expect anyone to be home this early."

"And we didn't expect you," Emma said.

"Clearly," Olivia said. "Uh, um, I can go if you want. I didn't mean to interrupt. And you're right, I didn't plan to be back this early. I should have texted."

"Liv, it's your apartment," Emma said. "I was just about to fix us some dessert, would you like to join us?"

"Oh, I don't want to impose," Olivia said.

"No, please," Heather said. "Emma speaks highly of you and Alex. It would be nice to get to know you better. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find my way to the restroom."

Olivia followed Emma into the kitchen and got out bowls for ice cream while Emma started the coffee.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your date," Olivia said. "She, uh, seems nice, though."

"She is," Emma said and then turned toward Olivia. "I... should have told you, I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize to me," Olivia said. "This is your apartment, too, and if anyone deserves a date, it's you."

Emma smiled at Olivia.

"So, women, huh?"Olivia said.

"That wasn't obvious?" Emma said. "I mean, I consider myself bi-sexual, but I don't exactly hide it."

"No, it's not that," Olivia said. "Alex just thought you were straight. I even suggested setting you up with Casey at one point and but she shut it down, said you were definitely straight."

Emma laughed. "Okay, Casey? No." Olivia shrugged.

"And as for Alex, I think Alex tells herself what she needs to believe," Emma said.

"What do you mean?" Olivia said. Olivia suddenly became nervous. She and Emma had never acknowledged that their friendship was fairly intense and could be confused by others as something more at times.

"I mean, when we were in the Congo," Emma said. "I guess I had been dating a man then, so maybe that's where she got the idea, but I also think it made her feel less guilty about sharing a bed with me for months. If I was straight, then there was nothing for you to worry about."

"Oh," Olivia said, relieved. "Yeah, that makes sense."

"And I haven't really dated since I've been back in the city, so I guess she just assumed..." Emma said.

"Jennifer is cute," Olivia said, changing the subject. She had short brown hair and dark eyes, and while she was fairly petite, she looked like she worked out quite a bit.

"Yeah, I think so," Emma said. "She's an English teacher at one of the local high schools. Some of the stories she's told me about her students are just downright scary."

"Yeah, I can imagine," Olivia said.

"Anyway, we met a few weeks ago, and have been texting and talking a lot," Emma said. "I've only seen her twice since then, but it was with some other people, so this was kind of like our first real date."

"Wow, and you already have her ready to shed her clothes on the couch for you," Olivia smirked.

"What can I say? I'm irresistible," Emma said.

"And cocky," Olivia said. "You know, now that I know it's your first date, I think I'm going to catch up on some reading. I'll be in our bedroom, er, well, Alex's bedroom, if you need anything."

"Suit yourself," Emma said.

"Oh, and if you and Rebecca could stop making out with your dates on my couch, and use your bedrooms, that would be great," Olivia said as she walked away laughing with her bowl of ice cream.

#

Alex put Noah down for a nap shortly after they arrived back from her mother's house for the weekend. It was early Sunday evening. She joined Olivia in the living room.

"How was your trip? And more importantly, how was grandma?" Olivia asked.

"We had a really good time," Alex said. "Noah had fun and mom and I had a nice time just relaxing and talking about...us and stuff. Mom and Noah missed you, though."

Olivia nodded and faked a smile. She was pretending not to be hurt by the fact that Alex didn't say she missed her, too.

"I - I missed you, too," Alex said. "I mean, I've missed you."

It had been nearly a month since Olivia moved into Noah's room, and while they had been more affectionate and spent more time together lately, they still hadn't been intimate since then.

"I've missed you, too," Olivia said. She reached down and took Alex's hand, interlocking their fingers while they sat on the couch. She used her thumb to rub the top of Alex's hand.

"So, I was thinking that maybe..." Alex said. "I don't know. I ache for you, Olivia. Every single night, but I'm still hurt. And I know you didn't cheat on me, and I know you wouldn't. But you lied to me."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her in for a hug, lightly stroking her back.

"I want us back," Alex said. "I want you to move back into our bedroom. I want it to be _our_ bedroom again."

"Are you sure?" Olivia said.

"Not entirely, but I know I can't go much longer without touching you," Alex said. "I mean, I know there have been times we've gone longer, but just knowing you are in the next room, because of me..."

"No, it's not because of you...it was because of me," Olivia said. "Anyway, um, I was just thinking of taking a shower, and I don't know how you're feeling but..."

Alex pressed her lips forward and kissed Olivia. "Noah asleep?" Alex asked.

"Mmhmm," Olivia said, kissing Alex back.

"Emma gone?" Alex said.

"Yep," Olivia said. "Date with Jennifer."

"Date with who?" Alex said, pulling back.

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, we'll catch up on that later," she said. "Right now, I want to get you into the shower. Oh, and we'll have to use the hallway bath. The showerhead in the master bedroom isn't working."

The two made their way into the bathroom and stripped down before getting into the shower, quickly streaming up the room even without the help of the shower.

A few minutes later, Emma ran back into the apartment. She had forgotten to pack her toothbrush and was hoping that she may be spending the night with her date. She heard the shower going and cursed at her misfortune.

She knocked on the door. "Liv! I need to get in there."

Alex and Olivia were oblivious to any of the sounds coming from the door.

Emma knocked again. "Liv! I need to get my toothbrush. I'm coming in, so you better cover-up...or don't, whatever."

Still nothing.

Emma turned the handle. Olivia never locked the bathroom door. Emma had learned that in the month they had shared the bathroom since Alex banished Olivia to the other bedroom. Emma pushed her way into the bathroom.

"Liv! I would like to get laid tonight," Emma said. "I've been knocking for 5 minutes." _Okay, maybe not that long._

Inside the shower, Alex and Olivia stopped what they were doing? "She needs to get laid tonight?" Alex looked Olivia, who shrugged.

"I told you...date," Olivia said.

When she looked up, she quickly realized that Olivia was indeed in the shower, but she wasn't alone. Olivia and Alex popped their head around the shower curtain, Alex still had Olivia pinned against the back wall.

"Oh, my!" Emma said. "I'm so sorry." She diverted her eyes. "I was just getting my toothbrush, and I am definitely staying with Jennifer tonight now."

Emma left the bathroom, toothbrush in hand, and few moments later, Olivia and Alex heard the front door to the apartment close.

"Why didn't you lock the door?" Alex said.

"Cause I'm not used to needing to," Olivia said. "Besides, the few times I remember the past month, Emma would always come banging on the door for something. She's so forgetful. Anyway, it just got to be easier to leave it unlocked so she could come in whenever she needed."

"And she's into women?" Alex said.

"Apparently," Olivia said. "She definitely was last night."

Alex turned her head slightly, unsure of what Olivia meant.

"I met Jennifer last night," Olivia said. "And let's just say, your sister isn't the only one who's been getting freaky on our couch lately."

"Ew," Alex said. "We should get a new couch."

"Yeah, we should," Olivia said.

#

Olivia finally moved back into the bedroom with Alex, and despite their afternoon in the shower a few days prior, Alex wasn't quite ready to be completely welcoming back of Olivia. Olivia, for her part, was okay with that. She was just happy to be sleeping next to her wife again, but it didn't come without struggles.

Namely, being so close to her without being able to fully access the benefits when she wanted. She respected Alex's wishes, but Olivia spent much of the week being worked up with no relief.

After working all night, Olivia stayed home the following day, as did Emma. They had both been out all night working a case.

"Hey, Liv, are you going to be here for a bit?" Emma said, making sure to knock on Olivia and Alex's bedroom door. After the incident a few days before, she learned her lesson about walking in.

"I'll be right there," Olivia said before opening the door. "Yeah, I'll be around, why?" She saw Emma stretching in the living room for her run. _Fuck, she's wearing those yoga pants again. I don't need this today._

"Just going for a run and I didn't want to take my keys or anything," Emma said. Olivia started to open her mouth to give a warning about not having ID or keys or something to defend herself with, but Emma stopped her. "I won't be gone long, and I promise I know how to defend myself. Remember I spent 10 years in the Congo."

"Okay, fine," Olivia said. "But if you're not back in an hour, I'm sending a search party. At least take your phone."

"I will," Emma said before darting out the door.

Olivia returned to the bedroom and plopped down on the bed. Her mind kept drifting back to her and Alex's day in the shower. Then she began to think of the last night they had sex in their bed...the night before their fight. They were both so turned on that night, and both taking out so much jealousy on each other. She started thinking of ways to connect with Alex again. Maybe they could go away, even if just a hotel downtown.

The longer she laid there, the more she missed Alex and the hornier she got. Since no one was around and the door was mostly closed, she began to let her hands wander. If she couldn't have Alex's hands on her, then she may as well take care of her problem herself.

She moved her hand down the front of her body, caressing her breasts with one hand, while she stroked her thighs with the other. Her flat hand moving up to rub her collarbone and through her hair before letting her other hand graze between her legs.

When she could the fire run through her body and the wetness, she dove in with her hand, allowing herself to imagine Alex's hand and mouth on her. It felt so good and before long, she allowed shallow moans to escape from her mouth, which only increased in volume as she got more aroused and closer to climax.

Outside the bedroom, Alex had decided to come home early. She hadn't slept much the night before with Olivia gone, so decided to cut out early and spend some time with her wife today. When she came in, she didn't see anyone. _Olivia's keys are here. Emma's keys & phone are here by the door. They must be here somewhere._

She wandered through the apartment. No one in the kitchen or living room. Finally, she made her way down the hallway, and that's when she heard the noises. She would recognize those noises anywhere. In fact, Olivia's noises were some of her favorite sounds. _But why is..._

Alex slowly made her way down the hall. Emma wasn't in her room. _I wonder where Emma is?_ No one was in Noah's room. Finally, she reached their bedroom, the noises were definitely coming from Olivia. _She's close to an orgasm..._

Alex stood there in disbelief. Part of her not wanting to believe her wife and her friend would be sleeping together; the other part of her feeling like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. _It can't be. This is not happening to me. I'm going to kill Olivia. I'm going to kill both of them._

Alex worked up her courage and sense. Of course, there was no other explanation. Both Emma and Olivia were home, and since she checked every other room in the apartment, it only reckoned that they were in the bedroom...and the noises, well they could only mean one thing.

She took a deep breath and shoved the bedroom door open.

"What the fuck!" Alex shouting, not even bothering to look in the bedroom for fear of what she would see.

Olivia let out a scream, as she had been right on the edge of climax, and then froze.

"Alex!"

"What the hell is going on?" Alex yelled, seething and giving Olivia an icy stare. "And where the fuck is Emma?"

She began looking around the room and walked toward the master bathroom, thinking maybe she darted in there when she came inside the bedroom.

"What are you talking about, Alex?" Olivia said. "She went for a run."

"Really? Then why are here keys and phone here?" Alex said. Her face was still red in anger.

 _That brat. She promised she'd take her phone._

"I don't know, Alex, but whatever you think is happening is not happening," Olivia said. "See for yourself."

Alex did. She looked in the bathroom. Closet. Even under the bed before covering her face with her hands out of frustration.

"Alex, I promise you," Olivia said. "Come here." She took Alex's hand and pulled her to sit on the bed with her. Alex was in tears.

"I'm sorry, I just thought..." Alex said. "I just, I heard noises...your noises. And Emma's stuff was here, but she wasn't in any other room, so I just thought..."

"You thought Emma and I were sleeping together," Olivia said. It was more of a statement than a question, but Alex nodded yes anyway.

"I"m sorry, Liv," Alex said. "I trust Emma, and I trust you. It's just...I mean, I didn't know she even was interested in women until the other day, and then it just made me look at things differently. And well, today, I just didn't know what to think."

"No, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I just...I just miss you Alex. I mean, I know we're moving slow, and I'm totally okay with that. I just needed..."

Alex smiled. She knew what Olivia needed.

"Anyway, if it makes you feel better, I was thinking our shower the other day," Olivia said.

"It does make me feel better," Alex said. "Can we just lay here, Olivia?

Olivia laughed. "Sure. I mean, you did just interrupt my orgasm, but yeah, let's just lay here, that's totally fine," Olivia said, teasing Alex.

"How about we make a deal? You lay here with me and hold me until I calm down from thinking I was about to walk in on my wife fucking someone else, and then later, maybe I can help you out with your little problem," Alex said. "And by the way, I've been having the same problem, so perhaps we can kill two birds with one stone."

An hour later, Emma came home as promised.

"Liv, I'm home," Emma said yelling through the door. "No need to call in the army to find me."

"Next time take your phone," Olivia yelled.

"And your keys!" Alex said.

Emma laughed. "Whatever, it was fine. No harm. No foul."

"Uhh, yeah, we can talk about that later," Olivia said.

"What?" Emma said.

"Nothing," Olivia said. "Oh, and by the way, don't you dare come through that door. Alex is in here, and we're about to have lots of very loud sex. Just a warning."

"Sweet Jesus," Emma said. "Okay, I'm leaving again...and taking my keys and phone this time!"


	81. Snowball Fight

A/N:OOPS! Several of you mentioned that I wrote "Heather" in the last chapter when talking about Emma's date. This was a mistake. She only had the one date, and it was Jennifer. So, wherever I wrote Heather, it was meant to be Jennifer. Nothing kinky going on there. I just forgot what I named her momentarily.

Townhouse Incident is coming up next...maybe in a few hours. We'll see how much energy I have since it's already late.

Also, I know I usually post daily, but tomorrow a busy day and night, so just fair warning, if I don't get Townhouse out tonight, it will be Saturday before the next chapter.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SNOWBALL FIGHT**

"Okay, Noah, I'm gonna let go," Alex said. "Mommy will be right at the end of the hill."

It was a few days after Christmas. Alex and Olivia had taken Noah sledding in the park. Of course, his sledding his was nothing more than a small incline of a few feet, but Noah didn't care. He loved it.

"Woah! Good job, Noah," Olivia said when he slid into her. "Okay, one more time and then we'll go have a snack."

Olivia stood back and watched as Noah pulled his plastic sled back up to where Alex was. He was all bundled up in a new snow suit (a gift from Grandma), gloves, snow boots, scarf, and a beanie that covered his head.

After Noah had taken one more trip down the hill, they all walked to get hot chocolate. Noah was holding both their hands while walking between them.

"Mommy, can I play toys?" Noah said when they sat down with their drinks. He was struggling to hold his small hot chocolate between his gloved hands and drink.

"Yes, sweetie," Olivia said. "When we get home, you can play with all of your new toys."

Olivia gave a look to Alex. They both smiled thinking of just how much Grandma and Aunt Becca had spoiled Noah this Christmas.

"Mom really overdid it this year, huh?" Alex said. "We'll have to make sure to set some rules for next year."

"No kidding," Olivia said. "But him having an early December birthday probably didn't help much, either."

Alex reached down and took the hot chocolate from Noah, as he was about to spill it.

"I think he started to understand a little more this year," Alex said. "It was good to get away for a couple of days, too."

"Yeah, it was," Olivia said. "It was good to see your mom. What did she say about Rebecca and Trevor dating?"

"Oh, man," Alex said. "Well, she wasn't crazy about the idea, because he's Trevor. But, above all, if he makes Becca happy, then Mom was okay with it. She does like Trevor though, it's just our relationship with Trevor has always been complicated."

Olivia raised her eyebrows understanding what Alex meant.

"I was surprised to see him there," Olivia said. "It's only been a couple months, right?"

"Something like that," Alex said. "But I guess they've known each other long enough and are old enough that if they're there in their relationship, then who are we to judge."

"I'm probably going to have to be on-call and at the squad room for New Year's Eve this year," Olivia said. "With Amanda just having the baby and with the complications she had, I think she could use the break. We'll need a female around just in case."

"Oh," Alex said, sounding a little disappointed. "No, that makes total sense. Amanda probably needs that."

"Play in snow?" Noah said pointing at the snow back in front of them.

"Go ahead, honey," Alex said. "Just don't take your gloves off."

They continued sitting on the bench, watching Noah play and roll around in the snow.

"Emma seems to have settled into her place well," Alex said. "It seems things with Jennifer are going well."

Emma had moved out a few weeks before Christmas. While Olivia and Alex were happy to have their apartment back to themselves, they were both realizing what a good distract Emma had been for them. Now all of their issues seemed to float around, while they awkwardly avoided them and just tried to get through their rough patch. Conversations were much harder to come by when it was just the two of them and a toddler.

"Yeah, Jennifer seems nice," Olivia said, keeping her focus on Noah who looked like he wanted to wander off to where some other kids were. "Noah, stay over here, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," he said.

"They probably sit around and quote Shakespeare to each other, with Jennifer being an English teacher," Alex said. Olivia wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation.

"What? Oh, yeah, probably," Olivia said. "I'm just glad she found someone who challenges her and makes her happy. She deserves that."

A few moment later, Noah came over with a clump of snow in his hand and threw it at Olivia. He started laughing as the poorly packed snowball fell apart, but still partially landed in Olivia's lap.

"Uh oh, it looks like Aunt Becca has been teaching you how to make snowballs," Olivia said, getting up from the bench and taking him back over to the snow area.

She leaned down and whispered to him. "Let's see if we can get Mama with one."

Olivia helped Noah make a better snowball, while making her own, then they called for Alex to come over.

"Mama, come!" Noah said to Alex. She got up with a grin on her face. She knew they were up to something, and the fact that Noah was attempting to hide something behind his back told her she was about to get hit with some snow.

"What is it, Noah?" Alex said. Whoosh! Noah got her right in the stomach, followed by another from Olivia on the shoulder.

"You two are in so much trouble," Alex said, walking over to make her own snowballs. Noah got overly excited at the impending snowball fight and wasn't doing much more than just throwing snow before even making it into a ball. Olivia and Alex, on the other hand, had fun throwing snowballs. Of course, neither of them threw any at Noah, but he didn't seem to notice. He was having too much fun laughing and watching his Moms throw snowballs at each other while giggling.

By the time they were done, all three of them were on the ground. Alex tripped and pulled Olivia down with her, with Noah jumping on the dogpile. People passing by were either amused by the sight or rolled their eyes and kept walking.

"You're smiling," Alex said, rolling over and putting her hand on Olivia's arm while Noah rolled around between them.

Olivia gave her a curious look.

"You haven't been smiling a lot lately," Alex said.

"How could I not smile right now?" Olivia said. "I mean, I have a beautiful wife and an adorable son who can't make a snowball to save his life, and I'm lying in the snow in the middle of Central Park in New York City."

"Yes, and the snow is getting kind of cold," Alex said. "What do you say we get Noah home for a warm bath and some homemade soup?"

"Homemade soup?" Olivia said.

"Well, by homemade, I mean, homemade from the deli down the block," Alex said.

Olivia laughed as she got up and grabbed Noah's sled. Alex got up and dusted the snow off Noah. The three of them strolled home, hand-in-hand-in-hand.

They were finally starting to take the first steps to becoming a happy family again.


	82. Townhouse Incident

A/N:We're continuing on in the gray area of relationships (in that, it's hard for both people), but pushing them along to keep working through their issues. 15 years of off and on, they're definitely going to have some things build up. And they've both changed (good and bad). And that's what I'm trying to write...how a relationship survives and adjusts through change.

Also, we'll have some more police drama coming up. (Yes, I intend to write the Season Finale...once I stop crying). Love the reviews and I welcome any and all feedback and ideas. I may not use it all, but I do like to hear where you think we're going or you'd like to go.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: 17.11 TOWNHOUSE INCIDENT**

" _One move and I'll blow a hole right through your face."_

Those words sent shivers down Olivia's spine. She was a better cop than this. She knew something was off and yet she went inside anyway, letting her guard down for just the split second it took Joe to grab her and stick a gun in her face.

It wasn't that she hadn't been here before. Perps had pulled guns on her more times than she cared to remember. The opportunities were fewer now that she was in charge of SVU. She wasn't out in the field every day like when she was a detective. It took Joe sticking his gun in her face for her to realize that maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way, she had lost a step or two. Even if she could hold her own with him, she knew the truth. She should have been better prepared, and even called someone, before going to that townhouse.

Lucy warned her. She told her about the red marks on Lisa's neck and about the yelling. She told her something was off. But Olivia didn't take it as seriously as she should have, and she knew it.

She watched as Joe took her phone and asked if the boy on the screen was her son. She listened as Joe raped the Crivello's teenage daughter in the next room. She took it when Joe and Roxie cold-cocked her multiple times. She sat there as they threatened her life and the life of everyone else in the townhouse.

And the only thought running through her head the entire day was she wanted to get out of there alive for Noah. Sure, she wanted to protect the Crivello family, but she wanted to be smart about it. The old Olivia would have probably taken dangerous risks, fought Joe or Roxie for the gun. But Olivia-the-mother knew she could no longer do those things. She had Noah to think about. Of course, she had Alex to think about, too, but Alex could understand more if something happened to her. But Noah, he had already experienced so much tragedy and loss in his short life, that the thought of adding to that, was unbearable.

"Emma," Barba said, calling her from the SVU squad room. "It's Liv. She's in trouble. I'm heading to the scene now."

Emma had just gotten back to her office from the DNA Conference. She and Barba had been there in the morning, and she had expected to see Olivia there. They had made plans to have coffee beforehand together, but when Olivia didn't show, she just assumed SVU had caught a case.

Barba gave Emma a quick rundown of what was happening. They had reason to believe Olivia was in danger after checking on another family that Lucy babysits for on her way to the conference. No one had seen or heard from her since, and Lucy came straight to the precinct when she got a cryptic text from Olivia.

"I'll take care of it," Emma said. She knew her job was to find Alex and keep her calm.

She ran out of her office and up to the floor that Alex's office was on. She wasn't there.

"Where's Alex?" Emma asked Alex's assistant.

"She's in court, Judge Preston I believe," the assistant said. "Do you want me to -"

Emma didn't let her finish before she ran out, pulling out her phone to call the court officers in the courthouse while she made her way there.

Alex was in court, and in fact, right in the middle of cross-examining a witness when a court officer came in the side door, and walked over to Judge Preston, handing her a note.

"Excuse me, Ms. Cabot, but we're going to need to adjourn immediately for the day," the judge said.

"Your Honor, can it wait until I'm done with my line of questioning?" Alex said in her perturbed voice.

"I'm afraid it can't," Judge Preston said as she sounded the gavel.

"Your Honor!" Alex protested again.

"Ms. Cabot, I need to see you in my chambers now," Judge Preston said.

Alex glared back over at Jill, her second chair. Jill got up and followed Alex to chambers.

"Just Ms. Cabot," the judge said, shutting the door on Jill.

"I don't know what you think I've done, Judge, but -" Alex said, but stopped herself when she saw Emma in Judge Preston's chambers. Emma looked distraught.

"It's Liv," Emma said.

"Oh God, no, no, no, no," Alex said. She had feared this day for the better part of 15 or so years. She had thought that her worries could lessen when Olivia was put in charge of SVU. She was in less dangerous situations. _How could this be happening now_?

"Alex, she's fine as far as we know," Emma said. "But from what we can gather, she's being held hostage inside a townhouse owned by another family Lucy babysits for."

"Noah!" Alex said.

"Noah is fine," Emma said. "He's at daycare and Lucy is on her way to pick him up. ESU is already on the scene, as is SVU, and Lt. Tucker is negotiating."

Alex took a deep breath and almost lost her balance. Emma stepped over and caught her.

"Come on, I'll take you there now," Emma said. "Judge, thank you."

Judge Preston just nodded in acknowledgment as they made their way out of the chambers.

#

Somehow, with the help of ESU and Lt. Tucker, Olivia made it out alive. They all made it out alive. While she took no pleasure in watching Joe take a sniper shot to the head, killing him instantly, she did take pleasure in getting in the one punch needed for that to happen.

Alex screamed at the sound of the gunfire to take out Joe. She was relegated to watch with Emma and Barba from behind a sea of NYPD officers and ESU. She watched as Olivia grabbed his gun and turned to hit Joe, stunning him for the split second it took the shoot him. Even though her head was buried in Emma's jacket, her scream was audible.

"Where's Noah? Where's Noah?" Olivia said as Carisi and Tucker escorted her away from Joe's dead body and over and an ambulance.

"He's with Lucy right now, but we'll get him here," Carisi said.

"Tucker...thank you," Olivia said.

"For what?" Tucker replied. "You did a great job in there Lieutenant. Come one, let's find Alex and Noah and get you out of here."

Alex came running up to where Olivia was in the ambulance.

"Liv!" Alex yelled, throwing her arms around her wife while she continued sobbing.

Olivia was still in shock. "Where's Noah? I want to see Noah."

"He's with Lucy," Alex said. "I didn't want him here, to see this. But she's on her way with him now that it's over."

Olivia nodded and sat there while the paramedic tended to her wounds, staring off into the distance and questioning everything that had happened that day.

#

That night, Olivia would barely let Noah out of her sight, and Alex would barely let either of them out of hers. On Olivia's insistence, Noah slept in the bed with them that night, despite Alex's concerns of Olivia having nightmares that may wake and scare him.

She did have nightmares, and they did scare Noah, so eventually, Alex moved Noah back to his bed, and laid with Olivia, trying to coax her back to sleep.

The rest of the week went much the same. Every night, the nightmares would return. They weren't always about Joe. Sometimes they were about Sealview. Sometimes they were about unknown perps. Sometimes they were about Eric Plummer. Every night, Alex held Olivia until she went to sleep.

"Liv, honey, you're killing yourself," Alex said. "Have you ever given thought to not being in SVU? I mean, you have enough time you could even put in for early retirement."

"No," Olivia said flatly.

"That's it? No?" Alex said. "No discussion? Nothing?"

"Look, it's not a good time. Rollins is out. Mike is still new," Olivia said.

"It's never a good time," Alex said. "You could have died. Did you even consider that? What about Noah?"

"Noah was the only thing on my mind the entire time, Alex," Olivia said. "So don't you dare give me that. Noah, and me wanting to live for him, was the only reason I didn't kick the son of a bitch's ass sooner."

"I'm not saying now, I'm just asking if you've thought about it," Alex said.

"And what would I do, Alex?" Olivia said. "Join a mommy's group? A neighborhood watch? Sit around here learning to cook and waiting for you to come home at God knows what hour? I mean, the fact that the workaholic in this relationship is questioning whether I should continue my job is just full of irony."

"It was just a suggestion to think about," Alex said. "Clearly the wrong suggestion. I mean, how am I to know what you're going through? You won't even talk to me about it."

"Alex, there are some things you don't need to know," Olivia said.

"Why, because you think I can't handle them?" Alex said. "In case you forgot, I worked more than my fair share of SVU cases, so spare me the protection."

"It's not because I think you can't handle them," Olivia said. "It's because you're my wife, and you shouldn't be subjected to some of the horrors that we have to see. I mean, how would knowing every detail make you feel any better about me going to work every day?"

"But you can talk to other people about it," Alex said. "Dr. Lindstrom. Barba. Emma."

"Lindstrom is my therapist," Olivia said. "That's what I go see him for...to talk to him. And Barba and Emma are our ADAs. Of course, I'm going to talk to them."

"But not me," Alex said.

"Fine, do you want to know how Joe looked at a picture of our son, asking him name? Or how he hit me in the face for talking? Or how about when I had to sit and listen to him rape a 16-year-old girl while her brother cried because his sister was hurting?" Olivia said. "Do you want to know how I prayed to God he wouldn't get a shot off before the snipers when I grabbed his gun outside, hoping when I punched him I wasn't a split second too slow and also got hit by the sniper? Or would you rather know how it felt to have his blood splatter all over me?"

Alex closed her eyes and took a breath, tears beginning to fall.

"That's what I thought," Olivia said. "I'm not leaving my job, but that doesn't mean I take the same chances I used to take. Things are different now. I have Noah to think about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed."

Olivia took off down the hall, not stopping at their bedroom, but instead going into the guest bedroom and shutting the door. Alex sat on the couch and continued crying.

For the first time in their relationship, Alex felt helpless when it came to Olivia. For the first time, she had no game plan. She knew there was nothing she could say or do that was going to make Olivia feel better, and it broke her heart. Not because she expected to be able to fix everything immediately, but because she realized just how far apart they had drifted. How little Olivia was sharing with her about the incident or anything else, and how little Alex felt like she knew her wife.

Alex knew Olivia was seeing Dr. Lindstrom, and that comforted her, but she was slowly beginning to realize that Olivia's life didn't revolve around her anymore. Olivia had changed. Olivia had grown, and she had a support system. Olivia's priorities had changed. Work no longer consumed Olivia's life. That fact alone is probably how she ended up as a hostage in that townhouse. She was still a badass and a superhero - she always would be, but for the first time, Alex began to see this new Olivia that had been in front of her for a long time. The Olivia that everyone else saw and loved.

She just wondered how selfish and blind she could have been to miss it all this time.

#

Olivia's thoughts, on the other hand, were focused on herself and her doubts. Of course, she had been scared, but she couldn't let that keep her from making sure everyone in that house, including herself, came out alive.

Before she could fall asleep, she got a text.

 _How are you holding up? I bet you're ready for work tomorrow. - Emma_

 _I'm managing. Alex wants me to leave SVU. - Liv_

 _I'm sure she's just scared for you. You didn't see how terrified she was that day. She thought she was going to lose you. Are you talking to her? - Emma_

 _Did you bug our apartment before you left? [suspicious looking emoji] - Liv_

 _Are you going to answer my question or do I need to come and cross-examine you? Also, you can't just type what emoji you want. You have to find it. - Emma_

 _I'm too lazy for that. But in all honestly, I don't want her to see that side of me...the scared, weak side. It will only strengthen her argument that maybe I should leave SVU. - Liv_

" _By that sin the angels fell." And yes, I mean your damn pride. - Emma_

" _Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice." - Liv_

 _That doesn't apply to your wife. Talk to her. Not me. I mean, you can still talk to me, but... - Emma_

 _I know. You're right. I will. - Liv_

 _I'm always right. - Emma_

 _And always cocky. Also, "By that sin the angels fell." applies to you, too.- Liv_

 _Goodnight, Liv. - Emma_

 _Goodnight, Em. - Liv_


	83. Hope

A/N: Yeah, the "Noah" line was harsh...but don't worry, we jump right back into that same night, just a little later. This is all AO and them finally, really, talking.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HOPE**

" _Noah was the only thing on my mind the entire time."_

Alex played those words over and over in her head after Olivia stormed off to the guest room. They devastated her. Not because they came as a shock to her, but because they didn't.

She knew Olivia had been speaking in the heat of the moment, but she also knew that they were true words - Olivia no longer considered Alex a top priority.

It wasn't wrong that Noah was the top priority - he was also Alex's top priority. But it was the ' _only'_ that broke her heart. She wondered if she even crossed Olivia's mind when was being held hostage in the townhouse. She didn't doubt Olivia loved her, but she wasn't sure Olivia was _in love_ with her anymore. Or if it was just the fact that they had loved each other for so long, they forgot what it was like to not love each other.

She couldn't blame Olivia entirely, though. They had had a whirlwind year, and Alex knew that she had made herself emotionally unavailable to Olivia. It's probably why Alex knew that her wife was likely texting Emma right now.

Alex wasn't blind. She saw the bond between Olivia and Emma. She saw the chemistry. She saw the tension. She recognized it because it was so much like her and Olivia in their younger days - especially when their relationship was off-limits.

And while she trusted both of them more than life itself, it still hurt. Partially because Olivia sought out someone else for comfort, but mostly because Alex allowed it to happen. It's not like Olivia hadn't tried. She pushed for Alex to make time for her. She begged her to go away with her. And still, Alex resisted because she was so focused on her career, and she assumed, like always, that Olivia would be there. She had taken Olivia for granted - not just recently, but for years. She knew all she ever had to do was say the word, and Olivia would come running.

Of course, Olivia had made more than her fair share of mistakes along the way. She still was. Keeping things from her. Shutting her out. Lying to her. It was almost like Alex expected it from her.

But now, Olivia's message was unmistakable - she had given up on them - whether Olivia would admit it or not. She made it clear tonight what her priorities were. And it wasn't Alex or their marriage.

#

Olivia sat on the bed in the guest room, contemplating her text conversation with Emma. One of the things she appreciated most about their friendship was despite whatever connection she and Olivia had, she almost always pushed Olivia back toward Alex, and tried to make Olivia see Alex's side to things. Olivia knew that Emma wasn't the person she was supposed to be opening up to, but she also didn't feel like she had anyone else - least of all Alex.

Though they had never spoken of it or acted on it, Olivia was keenly aware of the connection between her and Emma. In fact, she was surprised that Alex had rarely even commented on it, or gotten angry about it aside from the day she thought they were in bed together. She noticed the intense gazes, the electricity that shot through her when there was an unexpected touch, the instant smile Emma brought to her face with just her voice or a text. All things Alex used to do for her. But she didn't, she couldn't, love Emma. Emma was her friend - and a good friend at that. Olivia was in love with Alex - or she at least had been for the past 15 years. Tonight, she wasn't sure anymore.

In the townhouse a few days prior, Noah consumed her thoughts. Getting out of there alive for Noah was what kept her going, and it wasn't until she saw a hurt look on Alex's face tonight when she told her that that Noah was the only thing on her mind, that she realized Alex hadn't consumed her thoughts that day. Not like she should have, anyway. To make matters worse, Olivia hadn't even realized that Alex wasn't on her mind until tonight. Until she said the words out loud in the heat of the moment and saw the expression on Alex's face. _What was the look? It wasn't shock. It was more of confirmation._ Alex knew what Olivia knew - for whatever reason, her world no longer revolved around Alex - and Olivia wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

#

After several more minutes sitting in silence, Olivia heard a light knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Alex whispered, looking down as she slowly pushed the door open, just enough to see and hear Olivia's response.

Olivia just nodded, and Alex accepted the invitation. She shut the door behind her, not sure if this was going to turn into another fight or not, and not wanting to disturb Noah anymore than they probably already had. She sat next to Olivia on the bed, both too afraid to look at each other, so they stared at the floor.

"Did you mean it?" Alex said. " _Noah was the only thing on your mind the entire time."_

Olivia sat there. She knew that was the question Alex was going to ask from the moment she heard her knock on the door. She listened as Alex echoed her words back to her. She stared at the floor for a bit longer before turning her head slightly to make eye contact with Alex.

"I - I," Olivia searched for the words, anything other than the truth. But the truth was what Alex deserved. "Yes. I meant it. I mean, I didn't realize it until the words came out tonight, but..."

Alex swallowed and clenched her teeth together. Not from anger, but from trying to hold back the tears that wanted to form. She simply nodded instead, unsure if any word could come out.

"What do we do?" Alex asked. Neither of them needed to ask _about what_. They were smart women. They saw where this was headed. It wasn't what they anticipated, of course, especially just under one year of marriage, but all the same, the was a clear path in front of them that was lit up like Las Vegas.

"I don't know, but it can't be this," Olivia said. "Not anymore."

In the past, Olivia would have never said those words, or even implied what it implied. She would have fought Alex tooth and nail to save their relationship. She would have begged and pleaded. But she no longer had it in her. And she no longer felt like she needed to. She had spent the past several months figuring out how to enjoy life without Alex. Sure, it was better in the moments Alex was around, and they were getting along, but she knew she no longer _needed_ Alex. And it broke her heart to even think that.

"Liv," Alex said. "I want this to work. I mean, we've fought so hard for this."

"We have," Olivia said. "But do you ever wonder if maybe we fought too hard for it? That maybe all that stuff was just the universe's way of keeping us apart for a reason?"

Alex gave Olivia a surprised and hurt looked. _Did Olivia regret their relationship?_

"I don't mean that it shouldn't have happened," Olivia said. "I'm glad it did. I just mean, why do we keep fighting so hard? Is it still worth it? We've both changed, and maybe -"

"Yes, Liv," Alex said. "I think it's still worth it - at least to me." She had to acknowledge that even if she felt like it was still worth fighting for, Olivia may not.

"Are _you_ saying that you don't think it's worth it anymore?" Alex asked. She didn't want to ask. She was afraid of the answer. Even saying the words made her sick to her stomach. It was filled with knots and churning the meal she'd had for dinner.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "But I do know I'm not happy, and I haven't been for quite a while. I mean, I've had happy moments. Christmas was nice."

Alex smiled. _Christmas and the few days after. The last time she'd seen a smile on Olivia's face - and even then it had been rare._ "Yeah, Christmas was nice."

Olivia sat shuffling her feet. For perhaps the first time in their relationship, she felt like the future of it was in her hands. This was a new feeling to her.

"Wait, before you say anything," Alex said. "What about marriage counseling? I mean, we've never done that, and well, I know it is helpful to some people. I just, God, Olivia, if we're going to do this...if we're going to consider possibilities that we're not even willing to say out loud right now, shouldn't we at least try everything possible?"

 _Separation?_ Yes, it's the possibility that Olivia was running through her mind. Trying to not only figure out the logistics of it but how to emotionally detach from someone who had been your world for so long.

Olivia nodded her head. "Okay," she said, barely above a whisper. She was unsure about it. Not counseling in general. She knew how helpful Dr. Lindstrom had been to her in dealing with work-related trauma. But marriage counseling seemed different and scarier. Probably because there was another person in the room - another person who could often be the cause of stress.

"Not Lindstrom, though," Olivia said. "I like him, but..."

"No, I understand," Alex said. "He's yours, and you need that for you. We'll find someone together. We'll find someone tomorrow."

And just like that, Alex had done it. She fought for them. She was going to keep fighting for them. She owed Olivia that much. They both owed each other that much. And they definitely owed Noah that much.

They had _hope._ The word that both of them had clung to for so long. The word that they both honestly thought had flown out the window at some point over the past several months.

 _Hope._


	84. AUTHOR NOTE ONLY

Lots of feedback on that last chapter fearful of where we are going.

If you're ready to quit, read on...

Just wanted to say a e things because I can't update till morning.

This WILL have a happy ending with Alex and Olivia together. Sorry

This is just their make or break moment.

As I stated, I'm not a fan of cheating. So don't expect anything with Emma to happen, even if some readers want it. She will be directly addressed in therapy chapters.

This will come to an end around the season 17 finale, that episode with some tie up chapters after.

Sorry if I turned on the angst too much in this one. I'll make it up to you.

Give me one more chapter and you'll see the tide turn. I promise.

Either way, thanks for reading this far. I appreciate it.


	85. Therapy

A/N: If you're still hanging in, we've hit the turning point and are moving back upwards. Thanks for all the feedback on the last couple of chapters, even those that didn't like it. I know this is tough for a lot of people, but it also can be very real, which is why I stuck with it. But we're over that hump, and the girls are moving in the right direction. As I put it to someone who messaged me, the last couple chapters were their drastic, rock-bottom, moment.

I hope you enjoy this chapter a little better.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: THERAPY**

"Alex. Olivia. It's good to see you both again," Dr. Crimson said in their first joint therapy session. She sat in a chair across from them while they sat on opposite ends of a green couch, both gripping throw pillows.

"I've met with you both individually at this point and before we go any further, I have some good news and some bad news," she said.

Alex and Olivia glanced slightly at each other out of the corner of their eyes. They were both nervous and unsure of what to expect. Both of them, without the other knowing, had really laid everything out to Dr. Crimson in their individual session. They were both surprised at how open they felt with her. Seeing as how she came at the recommendation of Dr. Lindstrom, it shouldn't have been, at least for Olivia. Olivia knew he took a couple of days to deliberate before making a recommendation, and he did know her better than most people.

"The good news is that I believe you still have a marriage left to save, if I didn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Crimson said. "The bad news is this is going to be a lot of work, especially for two people with high stress, time-consuming jobs such as yours."

"You're not the first couple to have marital problems, and you won't be the last. My job is not to fix your relationship, however; that's your job. My job is to give you the tools to figure out how to do it, and if you help you determine if you even want to," she said. Those last words stung Alex after hearing Olivia say a few days earlier she wasn't sure about them.

"You've fortunately not crossed any lines that some couples can't come back from, such as cheating, so you have that going for you. You both very obviously love Noah, and even if he's the reason you're on this couch today, if for no other reason, then it's something. But, if you're going to do this, you need to do it my way, at least initially, even when you don't want to."

Both Olivia and Alex nodded.

"First things first, and I know you won't like it. It may not be do-able, logistically. If not, we'll come up with another plan," Crimson said. "I want you to think about if you have some place Noah can stay for the next two weeks. I don't mean to suggest that you can't see him, but I think, at least at first, you two need to figure out who Olivia and Alex are again without Noah to distract you. If he's the reason you're fighting for this, that's fine, but your marriage shouldn't survive on that alone. You'll both be miserable forever and will likely make him miserable in the process."

"No," Alex said. "We are not leaving Noah with someone else for two weeks. That's crazy!"

"But you have a place he could go, right?" Crimson said. "You mother, perhaps?"

"No," Alex said. "Olivia, this is crazy. Tell her that is crazy."

Olivia took a breath. She didn't think it was crazy. She loved Noah more than anything in the world, but what Dr. Crimson said made sense.

"Olivia?" Alex said.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, maybe it's not such a bad idea."

Alex was surprised, and didn't like it, but agreed to ask her mother to keep Noah for two weeks. They would visit on weekends.

"Okay, second rule," Crimson said. "No sex for at least the first two weeks, and probably longer."

"Hmmph, _that_ shouldn't be a problem," Alex said, rolling her eyes, as Olivia glared at her words.

"You would be surprised how hard it can be for couples going through this," Crimson said. "It's tempting to want to fix things with sex, especially as you go through the things I'm asking you to do. Sex isn't going to fix this, and I know from talking to you both that you've used it in the past to try to fix things, or better yet, ignore things. Having sex instead of talking about your relationship...I mean, isn't that how this whole thing began? Or having sex because you're angry and don't want to talk about it. Or when you're jealous? It seems that didn't work out for you too well last time."

They had both shared that story with him. The story of the night of the party where they were jealous over Casey and Jill. How instead of talking, they had sex, all night, and then within an hour of both waking up, had a blow up in front of their family.

"So, no sex or anything that could be sexual or intimate," Crimson said. "You know where the lines are, so I'll trust you to know where that is.

"Over the next several weeks, I'm going to ask you to spend time together. To court each other like when you were dating. Talk to each other, and get to know the people you are now. When I asked each of you about the other, I got a very different description than the one I formed when talking to you individually. That tells me that you both haven't seen the changes in each other over the years, and you expect the same person. People change. People grow. And although it sounds as if your relationship has grown and matured, there is still a part of you that is holding on to the old version of the other.

"So, the first two weeks will be about you two getting to know each other. No fighting. Each of you will be responsible for planning dates - there will be two each week. You can go about the rest of your days and nights as normal, but you should probably stay in your separate rooms. Be intentional about your time and don't let anything short of an emergency call you away from it.

"One last thing, on the days you can, every day if possible, I want you both to go on a walk together. Even if it's just 10 minutes. You don't have to talk if you don't want, but you can. I want you just to be in the other person's presence and think about how that makes you feel.

"So, to recap: No Noah. No sex. Two dates per week and daily walks. Oh, and don't talk about your marital issues. Save that for here. I don't need you fighting during this. Easy enough, right?"

"When do we start?" Olivia asked.

"Tomorrow, or as soon as possible," Crimson said. "Go home, make arrangements for Noah, and come up with a schedule for your dates and walks. I know you both have busy schedules, so make sure it gets on your calendar. If your marriage is going to survive, this is not optional."

The two women nodded in agreement and thanked Dr. Crimson before leaving her office and going to pick up Noah on their way home. They were both nervous and scared. Acknowledging out loud, to someone else, that this is where they were, was scary.

It's not that people didn't know. They did, at least those closest to them. But no one talked about it, and Olivia and Alex didn't offer.

When they arrived home, Olivia put a movie in for Noah to watch before dinner. They both excused themselves to their respective bedrooms to change out of their work clothes. When Olivia finished, she went to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.

"Do you need help?" Alex said. She had quietly entered the kitchen, and it startled Olivia.

"Oh, no," Olivia said. "Um, thank you, though, but I'm just about to pop the chicken in the oven."

"Okay then," Alex said. "I am going to call my mother, so I'll be in the bedroom if you need help."

The extra politeness was awkward and obvious and something they hadn't been able to do with each other in a long time.

Olivia nodded. "Do you want me to come with you when you call?"

"No, I'll be fine," Alex said.

"Have you thought about what you're going to tell her?" Olivia said.

Alex sighed. She had thought about it but hadn't come up with a good reason or excuse that made sense...other than the truth. Besides, she was sure her mother knew how bad things were. Her mother always seemed to know everything.

"Honestly, I don't know that she'll ask," Alex admitted. "I mean, I haven't told her anything, if you're thinking -"

Olivia put her hand up. "No, I didn't think you did," she said. "I mean, if you did, it would be understandable - she is your mother."

"I think she probably knows more than she says," Alex said.

"Yeah," Olivia chuckled, thinking of earlier conversations with Caroline. "Your mother always knows more than she lets on."

Alex smiled. It was a nice moment, the two of them sharing a smile and a laugh. They had barely looked at each other since their fight the other night, and Alex couldn't remember the last time she saw Olivia laugh at something that wasn't Noah - at something that was just between the two of them.

"If you need anything..." Olivia said.

"Thanks," Alex said. "Just let me know when dinner is almost ready, and I'll set the table for us."

Olivia turned back to the counter to begin making a salad, and Alex went to her bedroom to call her mother - a phone call she wasn't looking forward to making.

"Alex, it's good to hear from you," Caroline said. "Twice in one week? Is everything okay?"

Alex had called her mother earlier in the week. She just needed to hear her mother's soothing voice and know she was loved. She thought about telling her mom about their fight but didn't. She knew how much her mother loved Olivia, and she didn't want to put her through hurting over their marriage strain.

"Yeah, mom, everything is ..." _Fine? It wasn't exactly fine._ "Anyway, I kind of have a big favor to ask, and you can say no if you want to."

"There are no favors too big for you and your siblings, Alex," Caroline said. "Just ask."

"Would you be able to keep Noah for the next two weeks?" Alex said. "It's just, well, he's comfortable there and with you, and..." Alex wasn't sure how to finish her sentence, or how to tell her mother what was going on.

"Of course, Alex," Caroline said. "I'd love to spend two weeks with my grandson. In fact, I'm sure it will be the highlight of my month, if not the year. But I'll warn you, when you and Olivia take him back, he may be a little more spoiled than he already is."

Alex smiled at how much Caroline loved and doted on Noah.

"Thanks, Mom," Alex said. "It's just..." She still felt like she owed her mom an explanation.

"I won't pry, honey, but answer me this," Caroline said. "When Noah comes home, will he be coming home to both his parents there? I mean, you haven't said anything, but I know things are tense and have been for some time."

Alex took a sharp breath. Sure, she had begun to run scenarios of her and Olivia separating through her mind, but picturing Noah in his home with only one of them, hurt a lot more than she was ready for. She began to cry at her mother's question.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Caroline said. "I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it right now. I'll be happy to take Noah."

"No, it's fine, Mom," Alex said. "And yes, I hope so he'll be coming home to both of us. That's the point of this. We're getting help."

"I'm glad to hear that," Caroline said. "It would break my heart if you and Olivia were to separate. It was hard enough the first time. But that's not to say that it's not a reality for some, so please don't feel like I would ever judge any decision you made."

"Actually, I don't think it's my decision that is the one to be concerned about," Alex said.

The statement surprised Caroline. Olivia had always seemed to fight so hard for Alex. Caroline had never thought about it, but if she had, she would have pegged Alex for the one who left the relationship if it were to ever come to it. Olivia was strong and challenged Alex, but deep down, she had always been a pushover for Alex. Whether it was always a good thing or not, it was one of Olivia's more endearing qualities to Caroline. Which is why Alex's statement was so shocking. Caroline fought hard to keep from saying anything, but she couldn't understand how or why Olivia would decide to give up now.

"Oh." That was all Caroline managed to say for fear of making things worse. "Well, I won't pry anymore, but if you need or want to talk, I'm always just a phone call away. Your father and I went through this, counseling, after his affair. It's hard work, but if it works, it's worth it."

"Thanks, Mom," Alex said.

"I'll drive up early in the morning to pick up Noah," Caroline said. "I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you, too, Mom."

After dinner, Alex gave Noah a bath while Olivia did the dishes and put Noah's toys away. They both went in to tuck him in, something they had mostly been alternating. Alex read the story of his choosing to him while Olivia sat and just watched and listened.

Olivia has been hesitant when Alex suggested marriage counseling. She wasn't sure if it would work, and quite honestly, had wondered if it was time to call it quits. But since their initial conversation she had done a lot of thinking about them. About their past. About the hopes she had for their future at one point. When she watched Alex with Noah, reading, the doubts she had about everything began to lift, even if just slightly. This was what she dreamed of for them. Not the fighting, but this moment. Her there with Noah and Alex, being a family. She wondered how they had gotten so far off track, and what had happened to them that this now didn't seem to be enough for either of them.

"Do you want to go talk about our schedules?" Alex said, stirring Olivia out of her thoughts. Alex had finished the book and Noah had gone to sleep with barely any fighting of it.

Olivia nodded and followed Alex into the dining room so they could look at their calendars and come up with a plan - a plan for their marriage.

"I was thinking that we should probably do our walks in the morning, at least while Noah is gone," Alex said when they sat down. "I mean, I know it's hard to predict exactly when we'll be home in the evening, but our mornings are fairly routine. We'll just have to get up a little earlier."

Olivia just sat there in silence, still mostly lost in thought.

"Olivia?"

"Oh, what? I'm sorry, I got distracted," Olivia said. "Walks in the morning?"

Alex sighed and closed her eyes to fight back tears. She didn't say anything.

"Alex? I'm sorry, I was just thinking about today and -" Olivia said.

"I need to know, Liv, if I'm wasting my time," Alex said, rather forcefully, voice rising with each sentence. "I need to know if you want to do this. I need to know if you've already made up your mind about us, because if you have, please don't put Noah and me through this any longer than necessary. You were unsure the other day so if you've decided what you want, and it's not us, then just tell me now. I can take it." _I really can't take it, but I'm not going to tell you that, not right now._

Olivia's eyes widened. That wasn't what she had been thinking at all. Alex began to move from the table, and Olivia reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling it toward her and signifying for her to stay seated. It was sudden and unexpected contact, something they hadn't done in days, or maybe weeks, aside from Alex comforting Olivia after the townhouse incident.

"Alex, wait," Olivia said. "I know I was unsure the other day, and I still am. I honestly don't know where this is going, but I know where I want it to go. And that's back to us being us. Being in love. Being happy together. So yes, I want to do this."

Alex let out a breath of relief and relaxed. She pulled her hand back from Olivia slowly, not because she wanted to, but because right now, they needed to be logical and not emotional. The touch from Olivia had made her heart stop as she realized how much she missed it.

Okay, good," Alex said. "So, like I was saying, morning walks work for you?"

"Yes, that's a good idea," Olivia said. "What about our um, dates? Wednesday and Saturday?"

"That works," Alex said. "Maybe I can plan the first week, you can plan the second, and we can alternate after that?"

Olivia nodded. "That sounds good," she said. "Oh, what did your mom say?"

"She'll be here in the morning," Alex said. "Crap, I meant to tell Noah tonight so he's not surprised."

"I'm sure he'll be okay," Olivia said. "If he begins to cry too much, one of us can drive up and spend some time with him."

Alex nodded in agreement.

"And your mom?" Olivia asked.

"She...she didn't ask a lot of questions, but she seemed to know," Alex said. "So I told her we were going to counseling. That's all."

Olivia nodded and they sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"So..." Alex said.

"So..." Olivia said.

"I know we're not supposed to talk about our whatever, stuff, I guess," Alex said. "But, I did just want to say thank you."

"For what?" Olivia said.

"For doing this," Alex said. "I honestly wasn't sure that you would want to after..." _After what you said the other night._ "...after what you said."

The words hurt Olivia. It hurt her that Alex expected her to bail so easily on them, but it hurt, even more, to know that she actually had thought about it. She just put her head down and nodded.

"I'm going to bed," Alex said. "Mom will be here in the morning early, and probably won't leave with Noah until we get home from work. We will hopefully have time to do the walk after she gets here before we need to leave for work."

"Okay," Olivia said. She sat there as she watched Alex get up and go to the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Olivia was terrified. She knew Alex wanted to fight for them, and she knew now that she wanted to fight for them, too. But she was terrified because she was also tired of fighting. Fighting with Alex. Fighting for Alex. It had become exhausting, and scary.

But she still wanted to fight it. If there was no more them, Olivia was going to make sure that they did everything in their power to prevent it. And she knew she couldn't let Alex fight this alone, or it wouldn't work.


	86. First Date

A/N: This takes us through the first few days of their therapy homework. It's mostly all sweet, but just a little tension in places because let's face it, they have a lot to work through still. We can't pretend it'll go away in a couple of days.

We'll dig more into their "issues" when they meet with the Dr. again.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: FIRST DATE**

"Thanks again for doing this, Mom," Alex said when Caroline arrived. "I told him this morning he was going on an adventure to Grandma's house, but he was still pretty sleepy. I think by this evening, if you talk about it enough, he should be fine."

"No worries, Alex," Caroline said. "I think we're going to have lunch with Becca today and go to the park. I'll have dinner ready for you two when you get home, and then we'll be on our way."

Olivia came in from the kitchen to greet Caroline, who had just arrived. She brought her a cup of coffee and handed it to her.

"Yes, thank you, Caroline," Olivia said. She walked over to where Noah was standing and bend down to give him a hug.

"Mommy's going to work now, Noah, but I'll see you tonight, and then you're going to have a fun adventure with Grandma for a few days," Olivia said.

"Go to beach!" Noah said.

Olivia laughed. "Yes, I'm sure Grandma is going to take you the beach," Olivia said. "Maybe you can find some pretty seashells that you know Mama likes so much."

Alex smiled at the gesture Olivia made. _At least she remembered that._

"Again, thank you, Caroline," Olivia said. "I have to be getting to work, but I'll see you tonight."

She leaned in and gave Caroline a hug. The older Cabot held on to her a little longer than normal.

"Liv, aren't you forgetting our walk?" Alex said.

"Oh, I uh..." Olivia said. She hadn't forgotten, but time had gotten away from them this morning, and she was going to be later than normal as it was. She saw Alex giving her a death glare, and when she got a similar look from Caroline, she sighed. "No, I didn't forget. I just need to let Dodds know I'm running a few minutes late. Maybe we can walk to the subway together."

Alex nodded. She knew that Olivia hadn't planned on the walk, and she knew why - they were running late. But she also wanted to show Olivia that she was planning to make a full commitment to this, and hoped Olivia would, too.

Their walk to the subway was uneventful, and they didn't spend much time talking other than about whether they would go see Noah on Saturday morning or Sunday. But, like Dr. Crimson said, talking wasn't the point. It was to spend time together.

Finally, they got on the crowded train, both having to stand because all the seats were taken. They took the train less often than not as they got older since both the precinct and the DA's office had assigned spots for them, but they did try to make a point of taking the train a couple of days a week. Neither of them particularly enjoyed the traffic.

As the train ride neared an end, some teenagers had edged their way over to where Alex was standing, and kept using excuses to "bump" into her and then making comments. After the second time, when one of the boys _accidently_ grazed Alex's chest, Olivia moved in between them.

"Unless you want to be charged with sexual misconduct, I suggest you either change cars or get off at the next stop," Olivia said.

"What are you, her bodyguard? Or girlfriend?" one of the boys said, snickering.

Olivia pulled out her badge. "No, I'm her _wife_ , and I'm also an NYPD officer in charge of the sex crime unit, so unless you'd like to take a field trip with me to work today, you'll be moving along."

Alex stood back watching the encounter. Typically she rode the train alone, but she was used to the behavior. She had just learned to ignore it for the most part, or excuse herself from it. However, watching Olivia get protective of her, even if it was her natural instinct to do it for anyone, especially when Olivia said she was her wife, did bring a slight smirk to her face. A happy one that Olivia noticed when the boys had finally left.

"What?" Olivia said.

"Nothing," Alex said. "Just...thank you." What she really wanted to say was _that was fucking hot,_ but she refrained from making a sexual comment, knowing that wasn't what they needed.

"Does that happen a lot?" Olivia asked.

"Uh, well, it may or may not be the reason I hate taking the train anymore," Alex said.

Olivia didn't look happy. Alex was pleased to see the hint of jealousy. It made her feel like Olivia still believed they belonged to each other. Not as property. They both always hated that connotation of someone belonging to someone, but more that their souls and hearts belonged to each other.

"If you want..." Olivia said and then hesitated. "Maybe I could start taking the train with you on the days you do that. We could do like today, take our walk to the subway, and then ride in together. And maybe on the other days, when we drive, I could drop you off."

"I'd like that," Alex said. Her heart jumped for joy at Olivia's words. Maybe she was taking this serious after all. She smiled and held back the tears of hope that were beginning to form.

#

When lunchtime rolled around, Alex was still feeling happy about their morning. She even went so far as to text her mom about the subway incident. Her mom suggested she write some of these things down, the things Olivia did that made her feel happy and loved so that she could give her examples or share them with her later. Alex liked the idea and pulled out the notes app on her phone and typed it out.

Feeling like they had made some progress, she decided to pop in at SVU and visit Olivia - something she realized she hadn't done in forever.

"Counselor, long time no see," Carisi said when she walked in.

She smiled and greeted everyone before heading to Olivia's office.

"Hi," she said when she pushed the door open slightly. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Olivia looked up, surprised to see Alex there. She got up to greet her with a hug and a light kiss on the cheek. She didn't exactly think about her actions; it's just what she normally did when Alex visited her in the squad room. Part of it was maybe a show for the squad, as she desperately didn't want them to see any cracks in her marriage.

"Not interrupting at the moment," Olivia said. "What brings you here?"

Olivia had to admit she was nervous. The last time Alex was in squad room unexpectedly was during the Avery Parker case when Hate Crimes took it out from under them. She hoped Alex wasn't there for a similar reason.

"I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd come by and see if you'd had lunch," Alex said. "I thought maybe we could go to that little deli down the street."

"Oh, I actually had lunch plans with Barba and Emma to go over a case," Olivia said, and she saw Alex's face drop. "I mean, I'm sure they won't mind if you want to join us -"

"No, it's okay," Alex said. "You'll just be talking about work anyway."

Olivia could see the disappointment on Alex's face.

"I'm sorry, maybe another day this week?" Olivia offered.

"Yeah, maybe, we'll figure something out," Alex said. "I should get going. I don't want to keep you from your lunch date."

Her words, especially _lunch date_ came out a bit more bitter than she intended. Alex knew she was acting unreasonable. She had surprised Olivia, and she knew her plans with Barba and Emma were probably just what Olivia said...a working lunch. I mean, Barba was going to be there for crying out loud. But she still was growing more bitter and jealous of Emma every day.

"Alex," Olivia said. She could tell by Alex's words what she was thinking. "Please don't do this here. We're at work, and that's exactly what lunch is going to be...work."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Alex said. "This...it's just hard right now."

"It's hard for me, too, Alex," Olivia said. "Just because I said I wasn't sure about things, doesn't mean my heart isn't breaking for us."

Alex smiled, and Olivia reached out to take her hand.

"Alex, you may not believe this right now, but I do love you," Olivia said. "Yes, I'm having more doubts than I want to have, but I...love...you. So I'm just asking for some patience with me, because God, I want this to work so much."

A single tear had fallen down Alex's cheek, and Olivia reached up to brush it out of the way.

"Call me when you're done tonight, and I'll pick you up before we go home," Olivia said.

#

Olivia picked Alex up as promised and they rode the train home together. Noah was excited about his adventure with Grandma by the time they got home and showed them the suitcase he had packed "all by self," with Grandma's help of course.

Once dinner was over and Noah and Grandma were gone, they both cleaned up the kitchen and put in some laundry.

Olivia grabbed a glass of wine and headed for her bedroom with a book, as she had grown accustomed to doing.

"Going to bed already?" Alex asked. She was sitting on the couch reading a legal book and taking some notes.

Olivia was caught off guard by the question. She had gotten out of the habit of spending her evenings with Alex and with Noah gone, the apartment seemed extra quiet. It was almost uncomfortable, especially since they weren't supposed to talk about their issues. She didn't know what else to talk about with Alex.

"Oh, um, yeah, well, no, I was just going to read, but I can do that in here if you want," Olivia said. _Crap, I shouldn't have said "if you want." Now she's going to think I don't want to._

"It's up to you," Alex said. "It was just a question."

It wasn't just a question, and Olivia knew it. It was a test, which she had already nearly failed.

"No, actually, I would prefer to read in here," Olivia said. "I just end up falling asleep if I'm in bed anyway."

She walked over and curled up in the chair that sat adjacent to the couch. It was a familiar spot for them - Alex on the couch reading, Olivia in the chair reading. Olivia couldn't help but think of all the times they had done this and been perfectly content and happy with it. In fact, it used to be one of her favorite things to do with Alex...reading and stealing glances at each other across the room.

Olivia made herself comfortable and found herself once again stealing glances of Alex. This time, it wasn't because she was checking her out and trying to get her into bed, although Olivia certainly wouldn't turn that down. But this time, she was just watching her, noticing how she had aged so beautifully over the past 16 years. Sure, there were a few more lines in her face, that she, of course, would never point out to Alex, but none of it mattered. She found her even more beautiful now than she did when they were younger. It made her happy to think of their happier times.

But, it also made her sad the more she watched Alex. She realized like Dr. Crimson had said, that she barely knew the woman sitting across the room. The woman that she married less than a year ago, but had known for over a decade and a half. She could rattle off more facts about Alexandra Cabot's life than anyone cared to know, but if you asked her about anything Alex had done or enjoyed in the past year, maybe even two, she couldn't tell you. She didn't know Alex's favorite book she'd recently read. She didn't know who she was voting for in upcoming elections or any that recently passed. She hadn't even realized until a few days ago that Alex drank her coffee differently now. She had seen her making it with a lot less sugar and cream than she used to. Sure, Alex had been working a lot and hadn't had much time for her for several months, but Olivia was realizing she also hadn't made much effort to just talk to her with what little time they did have together.

Still, the fact that they were both still here said something, and Olivia hoped it would be enough for them.

"You gonna stay on the page all night, Benson?" Alex said playfully, pulling Olivia out of her thoughts.

"Maybe," Olivia said. She grinned because she knew she had been busted watching her wife. Not that Alex minded. It made her smile to look up and see Olivia so lost in thought looking at her.

#

The following night was their first official "date" since starting therapy. Alex came home early as promised and cooked Olivia's favorite dinner along with her mother's homemade cornbread bread. Caroline had to walk her through every step of the recipe, and it still didn't take like her mother's but must have been close enough because Olivia enjoyed it.

"Dinner was great, Alex. Thank you," Olivia said. "Can I do the dishes?"

"Nope, this was my date to plan so I'll do the dishes," Alex said. "Next week, I'll let you do all the work. Why don't you pick out a movie for us?"

Olivia went to the living room and began scanning for recent movies they could watch.

" _Jurassic World?_ " Olivia asked.

"Eh, no, I don't think so," Alex said.

"Oh, I thought you liked the _Jurassic Park_ movies?" Olivia asked.

"I do, but I don't know, they just don't seem as appealing now," Alex said. "I'd suggest _Inside Out_ , but I'm sure Noah has made sure we saw that more times than we care to admit."

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, I don't think I could bare that again. I mean, unless you want to watch it. I'm just glad you didn't suggest _Minions_."

"No. I do really like it, but we should see something new," Alex said. "What about _Trainwreck_?"

"Oh, I love Amy Schumer, but I've actually already seen _Trainwreck_ ," Olivia said.

"Really? I didn't know you were an Amy Schumer fan," Alex said. "When did you see the movie?"

"It's kind of a new thing," Olivia said. "And uh, I saw it the fall, I guess. You were working late, and um, Emma and I watched it."

"Oh." _Of course, they did._

"I hear _The Big Short_ is good," Olivia said.

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'm in the mood for that tonight," Alex said. She had finished loading the dishwasher and joined Olivia on the couch. "I kind of prefer comedies these days."

"Oh, that's new," Olivia said.

"We don't have to pick a comedy, though," Alex said. " _Spotlight?_ "

"Ugh," Olivia said, groaning. "Yeah, I don't need to see any movies about child sexual abuse. I get enough of that at work."

"Oh, sorry," Alex said. "I wasn't thinking."

"No, I heard it was a great movie," Olivia said. "Emma and Jennifer watched it a few weeks ago. I don't know how she can work SVU and do it, but whatever. How about _Fifty Shades of Grey_?"

Olivia smirked as she said it, seeing the movie cover pop up as she was scrolling through titles.

"The book was horrendous," Alex said. "I heard the movie was worse. And I think _that_ movie may just be outside of our rules."

"Wait? You actually read the book?" Olivia asked, suddenly intrigued.

"I was curious," Alex said. "I mean, I'm obviously not into men, but everyone was talking about it, so I may have downloaded it on my Kindle."

"So no one would see you reading it, huh?" Olivia joked.

"Exactly. Anyway, I'm sure it was fine for some people, but it was a little too much for my tastes," Alex said. "I mean, I appreciate a little kink, but..." She stopped herself when she realized where the conversation was going. As hurt and angry as she was and had been with Olivia, not having sex had taken a toll on her, and by the look in Olivia's eyes, she could tell it had on her, too.

"Well, how about a classic?" Olivia suggested. " _When Harry Met Sally?_ " Even if she wasn't sure of Alex's current tastes in movies, she knew how much Alex loved that movie and hoped she still did.

Alex smiled. "It's perfect."

They both settled down on the couch, and Alex brought them each a glass of wine and some cookies she had baked earlier. They weren't sure what their rules were, but they both knew Dr. Crimson was right about the sex part. Sex wasn't going to fix it, and while it seemed impossible just days before, they both knew the temptation could easily be given into as it had so many other times.

Olivia took the conservative route of just sitting next to Alex. She didn't put her arm around her, or get a shared blanket for them to get under. She just sat and kept her wine glass in her hand most of the time to keep it busy.

About halfway through the movie, Alex took her hand and intertwined their fingers. That seemed innocent enough for them. It felt good. They rarely held hands anymore. It was a sweet gesture and Olivia appreciated it as much as Alex enjoyed feeling Olivia's strong hands in hers.

By the time the movie ended, Alex had laid her head on Olivia's shoulder while they continued holding hands. It was innocent and sweet, and it felt natural and right for both of them. They would ask Dr. Crimson, but since it wasn't a sexual act or even all that intimate of contact, they hoped it was okay.

When the movie was over, Olivia stood and offered her hand to Alex to help her up. Not that she needed any help, but she had enjoyed holding Alex's hand. Even after she was up, Olivia didn't let go.

"Can I walk you home?" Olivia said, grinning from ear to ear.

"You mean to my bedroom?" Alex laughed. "Sure, but don't think I'm inviting you in for a nightcap."

"I wouldn't dream of asking," Olivia said. She pulled Alex's hand, and they walked the short distance to Alex's bedroom.

"This was nice, Liv," Alex said as they stood awkwardly outside the bedroom door. "Thank you."

"Alex, you don't need to keep thanking me," Olivia said. "I mean, you planned this night, and you suggested we do counseling. I think I should be thanking you."

"How are you feeling about this?" Alex said.

"I, uh..." Olivia said. They'd had a great couple of days, but two days wasn't going to fix what was broken.

"Wait, I'm sorry, we're not supposed to talk about this," Alex said. "Besides, it's too soon."

"Thanks, and as for tonight, I had a nice night, too," Olivia said. "We should do it again sometime?"

"Saturday?" Alex said.

"It's a date," Olivia said. "So, what are my chances of a goodnight kiss?"

"You're going to have to wait," Alex said. "Besides, I don't kiss on a first date."

"Ha! Okay, if you say so, Alex," Olivia said. She couldn't help to bust out laughing at Alex's comment. After all, they were having sex long before they even ever had their first date.

"Oh, shut up!" Alex said. "Goodnight, Olivia. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight."


	87. Second Date

A/N: Second date and their trip to see Noah. Some good tension/flirting in this one.

Next up is check-in with therapist & Liv gets to plan some dates. Then we'll continue the "Therapy" sessions, mixed in with episodes like Unholiest Alliance & Manhattan Transfer.

Don't worry, they will be addressing their issues and the Elephant in the Room of Emma soon enough...

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: SECOND DATE**

Saturday night. Alex had spent the entire week planning their Saturday date. She wanted it to be perfect. She wanted Olivia to remember why they fell in love. She wanted to remember why they fell in love.

They took their usual morning walk. The walks had gotten just slightly longer than the 10-minute minimum over the past week. While they weren't talking as freely as they had in the past, the conversations were feeling less forced. On the walk this morning, they even stopped for coffee and a bagel and turned it into breakfast. As much as they missed Noah, a Saturday morning without him waking them up too early was a nice break.

After their walk, Alex went out to run errands, while Olivia did some projects around the apartment she had been putting off. It's hard to get a lot done with a nearly 2 1/2 year old running around.

Alex made her way to the dry cleaners to pick up her dress for the evening. It wasn't just any dress, though. It was a red dress. Not the one Olivia loved so much when they were first dating, the one Olivia saw her out with Trevor in. That dress had long since gone, but this one was close, and Olivia loved it just as much. It was the 2.0 version of that dress.

Alex didn't tell Olivia where they were going, just for her to wear a nice dress. Olivia sat on the couch waiting for Alex to finish getting ready, growing impatient. She wasn't surprised, as it always took Alex longer, but she knew they had a reservation. She didn't know where, but that also made her more anxious. She didn't know how long it would take them to get there.

"Alex! Hurry up," Olivia said. "I'm sure you look perfectly fine."

Alex has refused to let Olivia in or see her until she was completely ready. Olivia knew it was a "date" and that Alex was trying to keep some secrecy, but they were still married. It was hard for her to keep her impatience to herself after so long of being together.

Finally, the bedroom door opened, and Alex came out.

"It's about ti -" Olivia said, stopped mid-sentence. _It's about time_ , is what she was going to say. But once she saw Alex, in her favorite red dress, neckline exposed, and wearing a necklace Olivia had given her long ago, Olivia had no more words. Her mouth hung open, and she had trouble breathing.

"What do you say, _detective?_ Do you think I look _perfectly fine_?" Alex said once she saw the effect she had on Olivia - the effect that she had hoped for.

"Um, yeah, I'd say that you look way better than perfectly fine," Olivia said. "Jesus, _counselor,_ are you trying to kill me?"

"Well, that's been my master plan all along," Alex said playfully. "Shall we?"

Olivia took Alex's hand and held it all the way downstairs where they hailed a cab. Alex called out an address that seemed only vaguely familiar to Olivia. When they arrived, Olivia immediately recognized the place.

"Alex..." she said as they walked in.

Alex just smiled and walked up to the hostess. "Reservation for Benson-Cabot."

"Right this way, Mrs. Benson-Cabot," the hostess said.

Olivia smiled. They both continued using their own last names professionally, even though they both did change theirs and Noah's last name. They just rarely, if ever, used them. It had been a long time since anyone had referred to them as the Benson-Cabots.

When they were finally seated and ordered a bottle of wine, Olivia spoke up again.

"Our first date," Olivia said. "Well, I mean, our first real date out as a couple."

"Technically, we never finished our date," Alex said. "You got called away to work, and I had to go home alone."

"That's right," Olivia said, remembering. "Hopefully, we'll have better luck tonight."

"To better luck," Alex said, toasting their glasses.

A short time later, their meals came, and they began eating.

"You look stunning tonight, Alex," Olivia said. "Did I mention that?"

"You may have said something about it before we left home," Alex said. "And you look beautiful as well."

"Thank you," Olivia said. "But really, Alex, how is it possible you only look better with age?"

Alex just smiled and blushed.

"I haven't told you enough lately how beautiful you are," Olivia said.

The remainder of dinner was relatively quiet. They talked about movies, so that the next time they tried to pick something, they were on the same page in knowing what the other enjoyed these days. They talked about music. They talked about politics. They both really felt like they were getting to know a new person. It was more talking than they had done in a long time.

After dinner, they took a cab home, but before going in, Olivia suggested they go to the coffee shop nearby.

"But we have better coffee at home, Liv," Alex said.

"Yes, but I've had a nice night, and I don't want it to end yet," Olivia said.

"Yes, but we can have coffee...oh," Alex said, realizing what Olivia was doing.

Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand. "It's just, Dr. Crimson was right, we need to go slow, and so help me, if I have to spend any amount of time alone with you in that dress, in our apartment, I'm not going to be able to control myself."

Alex leaned forward and moved toward Olivia' ear. "Would that be such a bad thing?"

"Yes!" Olivia said, pulling back. Alex's face turned to disappointment and she looked like she was about to cry. "God, Alex, no I don't mean that it would be _bad_. But I'm trying to do this. _You_ asked me to do this. We can't keep doing the same stuff over and over. We can't pretend that we're not broken and haven't been broken for a while."

Alex relaxed, and Olivia pulled her in for a hug. "Alex, I love you," Olivia said. "I'm all in for this; I just want to make sure we do it right."

"No, you're right," Alex said. "Thank you. It's just...I thought I had lost you forever, Liv, and part of me thinks I still have, so I want to hang on to every moment we have."

Olivia wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to lose her. She wanted to say it and mean it, but she couldn't. She didn't think that was going to happen, and with each day, she felt more hopeful, but she still had a numb part - something she had turned off months ago. Instead, she just pulled Alex in tighter for a hug.

"We're going to fight this until we can't fight anymore, and I have hope that when it's done, we're going to be okay - better than okay, even," Olivia said.

Olivia's words made Alex smile, even though she could tell Olivia still had some doubts. The doubts didn't anger her. She was happy Olivia was being honest and wasn't making promises she couldn't keep. It hurt, but she appreciated the honesty and that Olivia was willing to fight.

After coffee, they returned home and once again, Olivia walked Alex to her bedroom door.

"This was a remarkably good night, Alex," Olivia said. "Thank you, for everything."

"Thank you," Alex said. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Olivia's. It was gentle and closed-mouthed, but she needed to know if their chemistry and passion was still there.

It was.

Olivia smiled before kissing Alex back and then pulling away.

"If we don't stop now..." Olivia mumbled.

"I know, that threshold will be crossed," Alex said. "Goodnight, Olivia."

"Goodnight, Alex."

#

The next morning, they woke up early so they could take a drive out to Alex's mother's house and spend the day with Noah. They also picked up Rebecca so she could ride with them for a visit. They were both grateful for her company on the car ride, as two hours alone together in a car still seemed a little intimidating for them.

Rebecca kept them entertained on the way there, talking about work, Trevor, and a series of random topics. She wasn't entirely in the loop about what was going on, but she had enough sense to know it was something serious. She had also watched the deterioration of the relationship for months. She hated how sad her sister had become and on some levels was angry at Olivia for causing it, even if she knew they were both probably to blame.

When they finally arrived, they were both excited to see Noah and he was excited as well. He came running out to the car once they were parked and getting out.

"Hey, little man, have you had a good visit with Grandma?" Olivia asked.

"Come!" he said, taking both Olivia and Alex's hands and pulling them into his bedroom. He wanted them to see all the coloring pages he had done, as well as his seashell collection for Mama.

"It's beautiful, sweetie," Alex said.

They spent the morning playing with Noah. He showed them the new educational game Grandma let him play on the iPad and then made Olivia come and build a fort with him in the living room.

Alex made lunch for them, and then they put Noah down for a nap after lunch with the promise of taking him to the beach if he slept well.

"Wow, it only took us a few days to forget how much energy he has," Olivia said. "Are you sure you're okay with him, Caroline? I mean, if you need -"

"I'm fine, dear," Caroline said. "Noah and I have stayed busy. There are a lot of activities in town for kids his age."

"You know, I can clean up this lunch mess," Caroline said. "Why don't you two go down to the beach and scope out a good spot for Noah to play? You've had quite a long morning with Noah and the drive. I'm sure you could use the chance to relax."

Alex and Olivia agreed it sounded like a good idea and headed off to walk to the beach.

They found a good spot to sit, far enough from the water that Noah wouldn't go near it, nor would it mess up any sand castles he wanted to build. They left the blankets and decided to walk along the shore.

Olivia took Alex's hand as they walked. For a while, they just walked in silence, enjoyed the presence of the other. They stopped and picked up seashells for Alex. They laughed, especially when Olivia tripped over her own feet and nearly took a fall into the water.

"Careful there, Cabot, because if I fall, you're falling, too," Olivia said. The teasing was something they both missed. Olivia only called Alex _'Cabot'_ when she was being playful, recalling back to their early friendship.

"I fell for you a long time ago, Benson," Alex said, causing both women to blush and smile.

Eventually, they made their way back to their spot and grabbed a spot. They sat closely, with Olivia's arm around Alex and Alex's head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Why did we stop doing this, Liv?" Alex asked as they sat. It was a casual question that she wasn't exactly expecting an answer to.

 _Because you were working too much and kept saying no when I suggested we get away?_ Olivia thought about it but didn't say that. No fighting is what Dr. Crimson said, and she was sure that would start a heated discussion at the very least.

"I don't know, but I'm glad we're doing it now," Olivia said. She placed a kiss on Alex's temple. They returned to sitting in silence, watching the tide come in, and relishing the moment while they waited on Caroline and Rebecca to bring Noah.

Once Caroline and Rebecca got within eyesight of Alex and Olivia, Noah wanted to run ahead to see his moms. Caroline told him to go since there was no one else around and they weren't that far. They watched as Noah tacked them from behind, and Alex pulled him up in her lap. The three of them continued sitting there, looking like the perfect, happy family.

"Mom, I haven't asked many questions, but are they going to be okay?" Rebecca asked Caroline. They had both stopped subconsciously to watch the sweet picture in front of them. "I mean, they're going to make it, right?"

Caroline sighed. "I hope so. I do know they will be okay, as will Noah, no matter what happens," she said. "And I know that neither of them will give up until they just can't keep going."


	88. EMMA

A/N: It's finally time for them to _begin_ talking about Emma. **I will give you some warning now...this is hard...and angsty**. I tried to keep it to a minimum, but these are hard conversations they **HAVE** to have if they are going to get back to the happy times. The next chapter will be their dates this week, so they will be happier.

The good news is now that the elephant in the room is being talked about, they're well on their way to being happier again.

And as usual, thanks for all the reviews. I can't believe we're over 400 now. That's just crazy to me. I love them all...even the ones where you tell me off ;-)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: EMMA**

"Good afternoon, ladies," Dr. Crimson said. "I see you survived the first week, and you both seem a little less tense than last week."

"Yeah, I think this week was a good step," Alex said. "Olivia?"

"I agree," Olivia said.

"Okay, well let me start with some basic questions," Crimson said. "I know not having Noah there was probably hard for you, as parents, but as far as your relationship, how was it?" She nodded toward Olivia to answer first this time.

"Yeah, it was tough not having him there," Olivia said. "I never realized how quiet our apartment was without him in it. It felt a lot bigger, too. But, I think it was good for us to just be around each other and figure that out."

"And did you?" Crimson ask. "Figure it out?"

"I think we're beginning to," Alex said.

"Good. You shouldn't have it figured out yet," Crimson said. "Okay, did you do your walks and your two dates?"

They nodded.

"We walked every day for at least 10 minutes," Alex said. "It was kind of awkward at first. And we did two dates."

"Tell me a little about them," Crimson said.

"Well, Wednesday Alex cooked my favorite dinner and then we watched a movie," Olivia said, and kind of laughed. "It took us a while to agree on something. We have completely different tastes than we used to."

"And Saturday I took her to where we had our first date, or attempted first date," Alex said.

"That sounds romantic," Crimson said. "How about the sex?"

Olivia and Alex exchanged a glance.

"We behaved," Alex said. "And you're right, it was harder than we thought it would be."

"We did hold hands and exchanged a quick kiss," Olivia said.

"That's fine," Crimson said. "Being affectionate is good. Just keep it there and know that this week may be tougher now that you've started to reconnect emotionally and physically."

They nodded.

"Did you have any arguments this week?" Crimson asked. "I know I told you no fighting, but no one usually makes it through the week without at least a minor skirmish."

"There was...one thing," Olivia said, glancing at Alex to see if it was okay to share. Alex took that as an invitation to speak up.

"I came by her office unexpectedly, hoping we could have lunch," Alex said. "But she had other plans for lunch."

"Well, technically, it was a working lunch," Olivia said. "We ate Chinese take out over witness statements. Anyway, it seemed to upset Alex a little."

Alex remained quiet.

"Is this correct?" Crimson said. "Were you upset that Olivia didn't have time for you?"

"No, of course not," Alex said. "I know her job is busy, like mine."

"Then what was it that caused the tension?" Crimson asked.

"It really wasn't that big of a deal," Alex said. "I was just disappointed, that's all."

Olivia looked at Alex. She knew that wasn't true, but she also didn't want to be the one to mention it.

"Olivia?" Crimson said. "You look like you don't believe that."

The two women shared another look. They had never once acknowledged to each other the "Emma Thing." Even when Alex thought she heard Olivia and Emma together, once she realized she had been mistaken they didn't talk about Olivia and Emma. In fact, part of Alex may have been less jealous if they had just been having sex, and not whatever it was that they were doing.

The stares continued, both afraid to say the word, to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Olivia out of guilt and Alex out of fear - fear that Olivia may be in love with Emma, and not her anymore.

"There is obviously something else happening," Crimson said. "If you can't be honest in here, with each other, this isn't going to work. So what is it?"

"Emma."

Alex had been the one to finally say the words and Dr. Crimson picked up an immediate tension between them. When they came in, they had been relaxed. Now, they seemed even more uncomfortable than the prior week.

At that moment, the breath seemed to leave both of their bodies.

"Wait? Who is Emma?" Dr. Crimson was confused. Her name hadn't come up when she had met individually with them.

"She's one of my ADAs," Olivia said. "And she worked with Alex in the Congo."

"And...?" Crimson asked.

Olivia and Alex began to fill her in about Emma. How Emma and Alex became friends in the Congo. How Olivia was jealous of her. How Emma comforted Alex during that time. How she stayed with them when she moved back to NYC. How she and Olivia became fast friends.

"We're friends, and Alex is jealous," Olivia said after they finished the story. "But she doesn't have any reason to be." _Keeping telling yourself that. Someday you'll believe it._

"You think I'm jealous because she's your _friend_?" Alex said.

"Okay, Alex, what is it exactly that upsets you about Olivia and Emma's friendship?" Crimson asked. She saw that they were both on the edge and wanted to keep them focused on the issue.

"I don't know, the constant texting, the inside jokes, the fact that Olivia tells her everything and not me," Alex said. "And don't even get me started on how they quote Shakespeare to each other all the time."

"Shakespeare?" Crimson asked Olivia.

"We both enjoy the tragedies, and it's just an encouragement kind of thing," Olivia said. "It's not like we're sending love poems to each other. Quite the opposite actually."

"Still, she's the one you go to, not me," Alex said. "How do you think that makes me feel?"

Olivia was quiet for a moment. She wasn't ready to talk about Emma, not how she felt about her because she didn't even know herself. It was something that she pushed away every time a thought entered her brain. She hadn't even allowed herself to entertain the idea, and she knew that Emma hadn't either. It was not who they were.

"I guess it didn't make you feel good," Olivia admitted. "But, Alex, how do you think I felt all those months alone? First, it was just Noah and me, and then you invite Emma to stay with us, and she was there. She was around, and you weren't. It's not like we sought each other out to be such good friends." _Friends. I have to keep focused on the word friends. That's all we are._

"So what? You found a replacement?" Alex said, bitterly.

"No, I found a friend," Olivia said. "I mean, for so much of my life, the job was everything to me. Then you came along, and you were everything. And then you were gone, and then back, and then gone again. But Alex, you've always been my world. Then Noah came, and life was good for a while until you started moving up the ladder again. And I was so proud of you, and I sat back and let you, trying to steal any moment alone with you that I could get. But it got lonely, and when I'd try to talk to you about it, you either didn't have the time or didn't want to talk, or we were just too busy with Noah.

"So I decided to start making a life outside of work, and outside of you. Not because I loved you any less, but because I've reached a point where I needed more. I needed a balance between work and home and self. I mean, that's health, right? We can't make one thing or one person the center of our world. But it never meant you weren't a priority for me. I guess it just started to change when I began to wonder if I was a priority for you."

It was Alex's turn to be quiet and think for a moment. She knew Olivia was right about some of it - a lot of it. Alex had made herself unavailable and didn't realize how much Olivia had been hurting. But even still, there was more to Emma, and Alex knew it...even if Olivia didn't know it, or wanted to admit it.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "I didn't realize...I just didn't realize you were hurting that much. And I'm so sorry for that, but Emma? Liv, I know you, and you can't sit there and tell me she's just a friend to you."

Olivia started to speak, to protest, but Alex cut her off.

"I see the way you look at her. I see the way you smile when she shows up, or you get a text from her. I see the way she looks at you, too. The night of our house party, the two of you shared a moment. I saw it...when she grabbed your wrists, the look in your eyes. I swear I thought you were going to kiss her. And when you fought about that case in our apartment, and you tried to walk away from her, she grabbed your hand...I saw the look from both of you. The chemistry. Olivia, I see this because we perfected it. The gazing. The tension. God, we could write the handbook on unaddressed sexual tension.

"I see it, and it hurts because you used to look at me that way. I used to be the one to put a smile on your face. I used to be the one that could send a jolt through you with one touch. But Emma, she's so fucking perfect. I mean, I feel like I've just been replaced with a newer and better model."

Alex was crying, and Olivia was about to vomit. _Alex knew. Of course, she knew, you idiot. She'd have to be blind not to see it._

"Alex," Olivia said, reaching for Alex's hand. "I never meant...I didn't know you felt this way." _I should have known, though._

Alex let her take her hand, but she wouldn't look at her.

"Please, baby, look at me," Olivia said, and Alex looked up slightly. "She's not a replacement. I love you. No one, not even Emma, could ever replace you. And I'm sorry for letting you feel that way and for not making you a priority. But, I'm here, and I want to be here."

Alex nodded slightly, acknowledging Olivia's words, but didn't speak.

"I think that's enough for today," Dr. Crimson said. "Try to not talk about this too much this week. I know it will be hard, but I do want you both to think about this situation you're in, especially you, Olivia. You say she's just a friend, but Alex seems to see more. Maybe you need to re-examine it."

Olivia nodded.

"Your homework this week is the same," Crimson said. "Daily walks, two dates, but I want to add something. Since you've both felt neglected by the other for some time, I want you both to do something for each other every day. Something that is just about the other person. Letting them pick the movie or dinner, flowers, running a bath, whatever. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Just make sure the other knows they are a priority to you at least once per day this week.

"I also want both of you to go out with friends one night, separately," Crimson said. "Olivia was right that you both need a healthy balance. Go out and have fun, preferably with a group so there's no temptation to turn it into a bitch session about the other."

They drove home, ate a quiet dinner, and then both retreated to their bedrooms.

Olivia knew she was going to have to do the thing she didn't want to do. She knew she was going to have to examine her feelings for Emma, and worse yet, she was going to have to talk to Emma about it.

She was also going to have to end their friendship, and of all the tasks, that one seemed the easiest. Not because she didn't value Emma's friendship, she very much did. But because she valued her marriage more and she knew that was going to be the only way to save it.


	89. Holding On

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: HOLDING ON**

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Alex, are you ready? We need to leave now if we're going to make the train," Olivia said. She hadn't seen Alex since they retreated to their bedrooms after counseling the night before. She heard Alex get up and go into the kitchen this morning, but when Olivia came out to join her, Alex had already disappeared back into the bedroom with the door shut.

Alex opened the door. She didn't say anything, she just walked out and grabbed her bag, indicating she was ready.

"How did you sleep?" Olivia asked when they were finally on the sidewalk. She had heard the blonde up and down all night.

"Fine," Alex said. _Fine, as in, leave me along this morning. I don't feel like talking to you._

Olivia took a breath and pressed her lips together to keep from saying anything. She knew exactly what the word and tone meant.

"Do you want to have lunch today?" Olivia asked. She looked down to consider reaching for Alex's hand and hold it while they walked, but Alex's hands were tucked in her jacket pockets.

"I can't today," Alex said.

"Okay, well, is there anything you particularly wanted to do tomorrow night for our date?" Olivia asked.

"I don't care, it's yours to plan," Alex said.

"So, are you not talking to me today, or what?" Olivia said.

Alex stopped and turned to Olivia. "We're just walking, okay? I'm tired, and I didn't sleep well, but I know you already know that, or you wouldn't have bothered asking. So, no, I don't feel like talking right now. I don't want to have lunch today. I don't care what we do for our _date_. I just need to process, okay? Can you give me time to do that? Or are you going to run off to Emma to entertain you because I'm boring you?"

"Alex..."

"Don't. I just need to process, okay," Alex said.

"I told you that no one is replacing you. Not Emma. Not anyone," Olivia said.

"Yeah, and you also didn't deny any of it, though," Alex said. _She didn't deny it because she can't, and she's not denying it now, either._ "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd rather go the rest of the way by myself. I don't need you to walk me to my office today."

Olivia looked at Alex's blue eyes. They were icy this morning. Olivia hated that look, but she knew Alex meant business when she was like that. Olivia nodded and let Alex walk away, before stopping to pick up a newspaper and head into a coffee shop. That would let Alex get far enough ahead of her so that it didn't seem awkward. _Not that everything about this isn't awkward._

#

Olivia made it through the day. She didn't have a chance to talk to Emma. She didn't even see or talk to her today. She could have called or texted to make a time for them to talk, but she thought she'd rather do it near the end of the week, so they had the weekend to not have to see each other.

She went home and started making dinner for her and Alex. It wasn't their date night, but she thought it would be a good thing to do, regardless. Before she was done, however, Alex texted to tell her she was working late and then going to have drinks with colleagues. She wouldn't be home until late and not to wait up.

 _Okay, well, I'll leave leftovers in the fridge for you if you're hungry when you get home. I love you. - Liv_

Alex didn't respond, but Olivia didn't expect her to. She ate dinner, put away the leftovers for Alex, called to talk to Noah, and then went to bed early. Before she went to bed, though, she wrapped up brownies she had baked for Alex (her nice thing of the day) and left one by her nightstand.

#

"Good morning," Olivia said when she heard Alex come into the kitchen behind her. "I made some breakfast. Also, here's some water and Aleve. Oh, and coffee."

Alex forced a smile. She was hungover. She had taken Dr. Crimson's advice and went out with colleagues from the office but ended the night drinking far too much with Casey and Jill. _I'm never drinking tequila again._

Olivia heard her come in, and also heard the heaving into the toilet a little later. Olivia knew that meant only one thing. _Tequila shots._ _The only thing that made Alex vomit. That woman could hold her liquor. Except tequila._

"Thank you," Alex said. "And thanks for the brownie, though I didn't have a chance to eat it last night."

"You're welcome. Eggs and toast this morning. Nothing too fancy," Olivia said and leaned down to place a kiss on Alex's cheek. Alex didn't pull away, so Olivia took that as a good sign. "Anyway, I thought we could drive today if you want. I booked massages for us for after work."

"Oh," Alex said. She was surprised by Olivia's idea for their date. Massages were usually something Alex suggested. "That sounds nice."

"I'm glad you had a chance to go out with friends last night," Olivia said. "Even if you're regretting it this morning."

She grinned just a little, hoping Alex's sense of humor was still intact. Alex smiled back. _Oh, thank God. Phew._

"It's raining," Alex said, looking out the window and seeing the water dripping down.

"Yeah, another reason I thought we should drive," Olivia said. "Perhaps we will have to skip our walk today."

#

The end of the workday couldn't come soon enough for Olivia. She was genuinely looking forward to spending time with Alex getting a couple's massage. Even if they weren't talking, she was beginning to really enjoy just being around Alex again.

Olivia picked Alex up at her office, bringing her flowers (her nice thing of the day). On the way to their massage, Olivia tried talking to Alex again.

"Do we need to talk about Monday?" Olivia said.

"Not yet, Liv," Alex said. "Look, I see that you're trying, and I appreciate it. I appreciate the brownies and the breakfast and the flowers. I'm not shutting you out, I'm just telling you that I just need more time before we can talk about ... her."

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. They headed inside to start their massage.

"Champagne and chocolates?" Alex said. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to woo me." _Fuck, Cabot, why are you flirting? You're mad at her, remember?_

"I am," Olivia said. "You deserve to be wooed." _Also, I'm certainly not going to mind the view later._

After finishing a glass of champagne, their one hour massage started. Neither of them realized how tense their bodies had been. For that hour, at least, their problems and worries drifted far from their minds.

Olivia took what opportunities she could get to steal glances of Alex on the table next to her. Her bare back and soft ivory skin. Olivia was trying her best to keep her libido in check. Of course, it didn't help to know Alex was naked over there, aside from the towel covering her bottom. _God, she's so beautiful. Her arms. Her hair. Her touch. Her voice. Her compassion. How could I ever not have been happy with this? Alex is perfection._

Alex smirked to herself when she noticed that Olivia kept staring at her. Even if she was hurt and angry, it did melt her heart a little, seeing how much Olivia wanted her and the way she was looking at her. And it wasn't just the sexual desire she saw in Olivia's eye. Alex had learned the difference over the years. No, the way Olivia was looking at her right now, well, that was the way Olivia had looked at Emma over the past few months. The look of affection and love and desire all rolled up in her big brown eyes. _Maybe there is hope for us. Maybe Olivia can love me again like she used to._

After their massage, Olivia stopped on the way home and picked up dinner from their favorite Italian restaurant for them to take home. She had called in advance so it was ready when they stopped. When they got home, the dinner table was already set, much to Alex's surprise. Electric candles were lit, and soft music was playing under the dim lighting.

"How did you -" Alex said.

"I may have had a helper," Olivia said, smiling and Alex gave her a confused look. "Lucy has been bored with Noah at Grandma's so I asked if she would mind to stop by and set this up while we were working, so you didn't have to see it this morning."

"This is...this is very sweet, Liv," Alex said. She really didn't know what to say. It was much more than she expected, especially since she had been giving Olivia the cold shoulder all week.

"Alex, you said some things Monday that we both know were true," Olivia said. "And I don't want to talk about it right now unless you want to. I want to give you time to process, and honestly, I need time to reflect on it myself. But, I just want you to know that you are my wife. And I relish being your wife. When I committed to you, I did it forever, and I meant it. So, please, know that no one will _ever_ replace you. If there is anything about all of this I'm more sure of than ever, it's that.

"So tonight, let's just enjoy this and each other. We have the rest of our lives to figure out our issues, right?"

Alex smiled, remembering her mother's words all those years ago.

"Yes, the rest of our lives," Alex said. "Wouldn't that be nice?"

#

They finished dinner and Olivia took Alex's hand. "Will you dance with me?"

"You don't dance?"

"I dance with you," Olivia said. "And tonight, I just want to hold you in my arms. Since I'm not allowed to do that in bed, I figure dancing is our safest bet."

Alex got up and followed Olivia to the living room, where the music was still playing.

 _I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart  
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start_

 _You put your arms around me  
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
You put your arms around me and I'm home_

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and pulled her in as close as she could. Alex put her arms around Olivia's neck, laying her head on her shoulders.

They didn't speak. Words weren't necessary. They just stood there and swayed. Praying and hoping that if they held each other hard enough, the hurt would lift and go away. The pain would go away.

They were both hanging on to each other - and their love - for dear life.

* * *

A/N: The song lyrics are from _Arms_ by Christina Perri.

If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to alternate the hard stuff with the sweet stuff. Both Olivia and Alex will be talking individually to Emma. The second half of the week (Emma talk with Liv, and Saturday date, will be posted tonight or early AM).


	90. We Can't Be Friends

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS**

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Come in," Olivia said. She was still in bed and wasn't fully awake yet when Alex walked in, bringing breakfast and coffee.

"What's all this?" Olivia asked.

"What does it look like? It's breakfast in bed," Alex said. "I realize that I haven't fulfilled my obligation of doing something for you each day this week, so I wanted to start the day off right."

Olivia smiled as Alex sat the tray down over her and put her coffee on the night stand.

"Hey, come here," Olivia said. She patted down the other side of the bed. "I know it's still raining, and we won't be able to take our walk again, but since the point is just to be with the other, maybe we can sit here together."

Alex gave her a suspicious look and a smile.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Olivia said. "I just want to be near you. If I could control myself with you lying naked next to me yesterday while we were getting massages, I think I can control myself this morning."

"You drive a hard bargain, but I'll take the deal," Alex said, before moving around to the other side of the bed and sitting next to Olivia while she finished breakfast.

"Where's yours?"

"I already ate, but you go ahead," Alex said. "Besides, I have my coffee, so I'm good."

"Thank you for this," Olivia said. "Speaking of our homework from Dr. Crimson, I was planning to go out with Casey and Barba tonight, if that is okay with you."

"Good plan," Alex said. "I have to re-work a closing statement tonight anyway. Just make sure Casey doesn't spill any stories about our tequila night."

"I knew it was tequila!" Olivia said, laughing. "You didn't end up dancing on the bar, did you?"

"Nope, you're the person who's seen me dance in a very long time," Alex said. They both smiled and sighed at the memory of the night before. "By the way, you should know I was out with Casey and Jill the other night. I know how you feel about Jill, and it's probably not fair -"

"Alex, trust me, I know how you feel about Jill," Olivia said. "Hey, she's a fun person to hang around and a good lawyer -"

"But annoying to no end?" Alex said.

"Heh, yeah," Olivia said. "Besides, I don't have much room to question your company, do I?"

Alex looked down and bit her lip. She was glad that Olivia was acknowledging it to some degree, but Alex still wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Liv, can we wait to talk about, uh, Emma, when we see Dr. Crimson again?" Alex said.

Olivia nodded. "Of course," Olivia said. _Good, that will give me a chance to talk to Emma this week._ "Also, for what it's worth, tonight is just going to be me, Barba, and Casey. Emma won't be there. I promise."

Alex nodded.

#

 _Later that night._

"Okay, Liv, spill," Casey said no sooner had her, Olivia, and Barba grabbed a table at a pub.

"Spill what?" Olivia said.

"Come on," Casey said. "You and Alex never go out, and here I get both of you on separate nights in one week. You're like the most married couple ever. And if you do leave your house, it's to do something with Noah. Who, by the way, neither of you have mentioned recently."

"He's at Alex's mother's through this weekend," Olivia said. "Grandma wanted some Noah time."

Casey and Barba exchanged a look that said they weren't buying it.

"So, Alex comes out drinking on Tuesday night, and had way too much tequila, you come out on Thursday, and Noah is gone?" Casey said, her tone much more serious. "Seriously, Liv, what's happening? You both seem unhappy."

"I agree with Casey, Liv," Barba said. "Things have seemed off."

"I'm not talking to you guys about my marital problems," Olivia said, sipping her beer.

"So there are marital problems?" Casey said, smirking.

"That's not what I meant," Olivia said. "I hate lawyers."

Casey and Barba laughed.

"Let's leave this alone until we get Liv drunker," Barba said. "Here's some menus. Pick something to eat."

"Bossy," Casey said.

After dinner and a few more drinks, Barba and Casey decided to have another go at Olivia.

"Listen, we just want to know if you and Alex are going to be okay," Casey said. "I mean, you and Cabot are kind like _Relationship Goals_."

Olivia laughed. "We're hardly relationship goals. Come on, Casey, you know how much crap we've been through."

"I know, but any other relationship wouldn't have survived," Casey said. "The way you two love each other, well, let's just say I wish I could find something like that. Maybe with a little less angst, but all the same."

Olivia smiled. "I think ... we're going to be okay," Olivia said. "What did Alex tell you?" Olivia wasn't trying to pry about her night out with Alex, but she also wasn't sure how much she should share.

"Honestly? Not much," Casey said. "She doesn't share a lot in front of Jill. But she has talked to me a little. She mentioned couples counseling. Is it helping?"

"I think so," Olivia said. "I mean, we have a lot to work through, but things have been better." Olivia was kind of surprised Alex had shared that with Casey. Olivia hadn't told a soul, including Emma.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find the ladies room," Casey said before getting up and heading to the back of the pub. "Order me another round, please."

"Liv, I'm going to ask you a question, and just tell me if I'm out of line," Barba said. "And if I am, we'll just blame the whiskey and pretend it didn't happen."

Olivia nodded, unsure what he was going to ask.

"Does any of your problems with Alex have anything to do with Emma?" he said.

Olivia froze, with her beer bottle mid-drink.

"I'll take that as a yes," Barba said.

Olivia looked over her shoulder to make sure Casey or anyone else was around.

"No, I mean, I'd say she's just more of a symptom of a larger problem," Olivia said. "Why?"

"Liv, I'm around the two of you, probably more than anyone else is around you two," he said. "Look, as your ADA, it's none of my business what you do in your personal life, but as your friend, be careful. You and Emma obviously have...something. And I'm not suggesting anything has happened, but be truthful, if Alex wasn't in your life..."

"No, we're not doing this," Olivia said. "I can't talk to you about ... that."

"Fair enough, but I just don't want to see any of you get hurt," Barba said.

"Neither do I," Casey called out from behind Barba.

"Casey, how long have you been standing there?" Olivia said.

"Long enough to know you're trying to not talk about how you feel about Emma," Casey said.

"Casey..." Olivia warned. "This is none of your concern."

"Maybe not, but I've had too much to drink, so I'm going to make it my concern because you and Alex are my friends," Casey said. "Look, we all see it."

Olivia's eyes widened at the sound of the word _all._

"Yes, I said _all,_ " Casey said. "On the surface, it looks like a great friendship, and I'm sure that it is, but it goes beyond that. I know it, you know it, Alex knows it, Emma knows it, and I suspect anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes in a room with you two knows it.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, Liv, you have arguably the two most beautiful women in Manhattan in your life," Casey continued. "Who wouldn't want that? But you and Emma have to figure out what this thing is between you, because if you don't do it soon, you're going to lose your wife."

Olivia let out a quiet gasp at CAsey's words. She knew it was true, but hearing someone say it was much worse.

"Just don't tell Alex I said that. Hell, she probably doesn't even remember, she was so drunk the other night. She started crying and rambling in the cab ride back home after we dropped Jill off. I've never seen Alex so upset, and if I hadn't been drunk myself, I had half a mind to come upstairs and kick your ass, myself. Well, that and the fact that you could shoot me."

"What Casey is trying to say," Barba said, cutting Casey off, "is that you and Emma need to talk. Trust me, she's just as conflicted about this as you are. I work with her all day, and I see the look on her face when you're around, and then the hesitation and guilt. That is the look of someone who is trying hard to deny that they want something they can't and shouldn't have. You have the look, too. And believe me, I know the look."

Olivia and Casey looked at him, questioning his last statement.

"You remember my childhood friend Alex Munoz that ran for Mayor?" he said. "Well, his wife and I...let's just say she deserved better than him. Of course, nothing ever happened, but..."

"Actually, I was planning to talk to her tomorrow," Oliva finally admitted.

#

"Hey, Barba," Alex said, knocking on his office door on Friday afternoon. "I thought I saw Liv earlier, is she around?"

"She..uh, her and Bailey had to go out to interview a witness, I suspect they'll be gone for a while," Barba said. He knew that they had gone to _talk_ , but he wasn't sure if he should tell Alex that.

Alex's face dropped at Emma's, but she recovered quickly. _It was work, after all._

"Alex..." Barba said before she left. "I can get her if you need her. It's just, this trial, and, um..."

"Raff," Alex said. "It's okay. I know what you're doing, and it's fine. It's work."

#

"Well, this place is ... interesting," Emma said when they arrived at the deserted pub not too far from the precinct.

"Ha! Tell me how you really feel," Olivia said.

"Okay, it's a dump," Emma said. "Why did you bring me here again?"

"What? They have good food here," Olivia said, still laughing.

"Now I know you're lying," Emma said. "If you're planning on killing me at least make sure it's a tragic death, worthy of a Shakespearean ending."

"No, nothing like that," Olivia said. She shifted uncomfortably. "We just haven't really seen each other much lately, so I thought it would be good to catch up."

"Yeah," Emma said. It was now her turn to sit uncomfortably. "Jen and I have been busy and -"

"Yeah, Alex and I, too," Olivia said. "Actually, that's the real reason I wanted to see you."

Emma didn't say anything, and the two of them stared at each other for a moment, both trying to steady their breathing. Emma knew exactly what was coming. She had expected. Heck, she knew she should have initiated it.

"Emma, I..." Olivia said, but her words caught in her through. Emma started to reach for her hand to comfort her but stopped just shy of it. They both noticed.

"Liv, no," Emma said. "Let me be the one to do this. I should have been, anyway. This, us, whatever it is, is or was, special. But, I think we both know what is happening, what's been happening, and to be honest, it came as a surprise to me. I'm so pissed off at myself for not seeing it. For letting it get this far. For not being more cautious. For falling...uh, I mean, for allowing myself to care too much about you. You're married, for God's sake, to one of my friends.

"I screw up. We screwed up, and I'm so sorry. I convinced myself that what I was feeling was impossible and that even if a small part of me felt it, you certainly didn't feel it. I convinced myself that this wasn't happening. I turned a blind eye to it because I so desperately wanted you in my life, even as a friend, that I couldn't force myself to do what needed to be done."

Olivia listened. Every word Emma said was exactly what she had been feeling. _Leave it to Emma to verbalize it so much better that I could have._

"I, uh, yeah," Olivia said. "Everything you just said I've struggled with. This isn't your fault, Emma. This is my fault. I am the married party here. And while Alex and I may have had issues that led to me allowing this to happen - this is squarely on me."

"That's not entirely true, Liv," Emma said. "I take responsibility for this, too. Alex was, is, my friend. I should have had better boundaries."

They sat quietly, both know what they needed to say next, but hesitating.

"You know, I do love Alex," Olivia said. "I have always loved Alex. I don't just go around doing...this."

"I know that. Me either," Emma said. "And I know Alex may not believe it right now but, _this, us_ , has nothing on you and Alex, and it never would have. I know that much."

Olivia smiled. Emma was right, and it took her saying it for Olivia to really realize it. What Olivia felt for Emma was strong, but it didn't compare to what she had always felt for Alex, since the first time she met her.

"We can't be friends," Emma said, sighing.

"We can't be friends," Olivia repeated, also with a sigh, yet also a sense of relief.

"Actually, I've also been meaning to tell you something," Emma said. "I've been asked to come back to the ICC. Not the Congo, but at the headquarters. And I'm considering it. Jennifer and I are talking about it in relation to our future."

"That's great. So, you two could be serious?" Olivia said.

"Yes, now that I won't have a certain SVU Lieutenant causing problems for me," Emma said. "Yeah, Alex isn't the only one who didn't exactly approve of our friendship. But in all seriousness, I like her a lot, and I could fall in love with her. I mean, we're not there yet, but..."

Olivia smiled. It made her happy to see the smile on Emma's face. Despite what they may have felt, it was clear that the other's happiness was a priority.

"Good," Olivia said. "It makes me happy to know that you are happy."

"And it will make me happy to know that you and Alex are going to be okay," Emma said. "Are you going to be okay?"

"That's the question on everyone's mind these days," Olivia said, thinking of Casey and Barba's question last night. "We're working on it."

"Should I talk to her? Clear the air?" Emma said.

"I think that may be a good idea," Olivia said. "But give it just a little longer. Right now it's kind of a sensitive topic."

"Understood," Emma said. "Well, Lieutenant Benson, I should probably get back to work, as should you."

"Yes," Olivia said. "And Emma...thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome," Emma said.

 _That wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be,_ Olivia thought as she made her way back to the office. The fact that it wasn't also told her everything she needed to know. If what she felt for Emma was real, at least as real as what she felt for Alex, it wouldn't have been so easy. It would have devastated her.

#

 _Saturday night._

"Where exactly are you taking me again?" Alex said.

"It's a surprise," Olivia said. "Just make sure to dress casually. You know, those jeans with the rhinestones on them really make your ass look good."

"Are you implying it doesn't usually?" Alex said, narrowing her eyes on Olivia.

Olivia's eyes widened. "No, that's not what I meant, I just meant -"

"Relax, Liv," Alex said. "I'm just teasing you. But I have to say, when I took us out last weekend, we were dressed up a little more. You have me a little concerned you're taking me to a honky tonk bar."

"Not even close," Olivia said, leaning in to kiss Alex on the cheek. "Just trust me. You'll love it."

It was Saturday date night and with the Emma conversation out of the way, Olivia was feeling much better about her and Alex. Granted, they still had to talk about Emma together on Monday.

Alex seemed to be responding well, too. Since Alex brought her breakfast in bed, she had made a point to doing something for Olivia each day, sometimes more than one thing. It was her way of making up for the missed couple of days, Alex said.

They hadn't fought about Olivia staying out late with Barba and Casey and coming home hungover. Of course, Alex had done the same thing, but still, a few months ago, it would have been a fight. They hadn't fought about anything. And even though it had only been a couple of days, it seemed like a victory for them.

When they got in the cab, Olivia called out an address unfamiliar to Alex. Alex was trying to picture where it was and where they could be going, but was still clueless. There weren't any nice restaurants, or really any place in that area she cared to go to.

When they got out of the cab, Olivia took Alex's hand and pulled her into a pub. O'Malley's Pub. Alex was sure she'd never been here. She had never even heard of O'Malley's, but of course, an Irish Pub in New York wasn't all that rare. She supposed she could have been there, but certainly not by choice.

"Lt. Benson, right?" the guy at the bar said. "Your table is ready back there in the back." It wasn't the kind of place that took reservations, but Olivia had stopped by on Friday and explained to the manager what she was doing and why she needed _that_ table.

"Liv..." Alex said.

Olivia pulled the chair out. "Sit."

Alex eyed Olivia for a minute. After their Wednesday date, she didn't expect anything over the top, but this? A seemingly random pub in Manhattan? But she couldn't help but think Olivia was up to something. At least, she hoped that was the case.

"You don't recognize this place, do you?" Olivia said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Should I?" Alex said. "I mean, it's beginning to be vaguely familiar, but O'Malley's? I'm pretty sure I've never heard of. Are you sure this isn't just your way to taking me out on a cheap date?" Her tone was playful, and Olivia knew she was teasing.

"Okay, I admit, the food here is probably going to suck," Olivia said. "And they probably don't have the best wine selection, but..."

Olivia had an idea.

"Wait, close your eyes," Olivia said.

"What? I'm not closing my eyes," Alex said.

"Just close your eyes, please," Olivia said. "Trust me."

Alex closed her eyes and listened to Olivia's words.

"Okay, now think back. This place used to be called Putnam's Pub. And you've been here, at least once. Munch and Elliot were here, too. It was -"

"September 12, 2000," Alex said. She finally remembered. Tears began to form in her eyes.

"The first time we met," Olivia said. "It was also 6:48 pm, if you cared to know. And we were sitting at this table."

"How could you possibly know the time?" Alex said. _There is no way she knows that. How could she know that?_

"Because before I turned around and saw the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, I was plotting my escape route," Olivia said with a smirk. "I figured by 7:15 pm, I'd be out of there and halfway home. Little did I know..."

"...that you would forget your name a few minutes later?" Alex said.

"Oh, you noticed that?" Olivia said.

"I noticed _a lot_ of things," Alex said. "And you, you were pretty bold, blatantly staring and hitting on me."

"I didn't think you minded," Olivia said.

"Oh yeah, what makes you say that?" Alex asked.

"Because _when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew,_ " Olivia said.

Alex's heart melted right there, and the walls she had built crumbled. Olivia was speaking the truth. Maybe it wasn't _love_ at first sight, but she knew from the moment that she laid eyes on Olivia that Olivia was falling for her. She knew because she felt the same way.

"I did," Alex smiled. "I still know."

She looked down and started playing with the straw in the drink, picking it up and chewing on it. She was so lost in thinking about how far they had come in just two weeks.

"I do have to point out one little problem, though," Alex said. Olivia looked at her, almost fearful. "That quote didn't actually come from Shakespeare, even though it's often attributed to him."

Olivia laughed. "Oh, I know, but I didn't care because it was true," she said. "Also, I'd like to point out, that you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"The straw thing," Olivia said. "You haven't done that in forever."

"I haven't felt this relaxed and hopeful in forever," Alex said.

"Me either," Olivia said. "But, it's still cute."

Alex groaned and picked up her drink to finish it off.

"Come on," Alex said. "Let's pay for our food and drinks and get out of here."

"But we just got our food," Olivia said.

"And it sucks," Alex said. "I'm going to do what I wanted to do that first night I met you and drag you out of here."

They hopped in a cab and took it straight home. They didn't care about dinner, or that they were hungry, they just wanted to come home.

Alex took Olivia's hand and led her to her bedroom - their bedroom. They weren't hurried or rush. They stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in each other's arms, and pressed their lips together. Slowly and gently at first, but with each passing moment, their lips got more hungry, and their hands wanted to feel more.

They pulled away only slightly. They both knew this was against their counseling rules, but the time, well, it just seemed right. They didn't even have to speak, both just nodding what they wanted before slowly undressing each other.

Olivia laid Alex down on the bed, pushing the covers aside and moved on top of her, putting her lips back on Alex's neck and ran her hands down Alex's body below her.

"I love you, Alexandra," Olivia sid. " _I would not wish for any companion in the world but you."_

* * *

A/N: Yes, Emma and Alex will talk. Therapy comes next, as does Noah coming home. We'll address some of Alex's issues. And we'll move into some episodes.


	91. Forgiveness

A/N: I won't lie...this is one of the hardest chapters I've written, so prepare yourself, but I gave you a sweet moment at the end.

Also, wanted to address a few comments/questions...but I'll do that at the bottom.

Next up: Manhattan Transfer and Unholiest Alliance (or some version of it...obv Tucker isn't happening here or anyone else).

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: FORGIVENESS**

 _Sunday._

Alex woke the following morning to a sleeping Olivia with an arm draped over her stomach and head on her chest. She lay there, watching the brunette sleep thinking of the night before, and the past two weeks.

She knew sex was supposed to be against the rules, but dammit it, she needed Olivia last night. She needed to feel the way only Olivia could make her feel. Loved. Wanted. Sexy. Adored.

"I'm sorry, babe, that it took so long for me to wake up and see where we were," Alex said, whispering to the sleeping woman on her.

"Hmm?" Olivia said, beginning to stir awake.

Alex didn't repeat herself. She wanted Olivia to sleep and to relax. She looked so peaceful and comfortable. One of the only times Olivia ever dropped her guard.

"You're watching me sleep, aren't you?" Olivia said eyes still closed, but she had a grin on her face.

"Maybe," Alex said. She leaned down and kissed the top of Olivia's head.

"What time do we need to get Noah?"

"Actually, Mom is going to bring him on Tuesday," Alex said. "I figured that would let us get in Monday night to see Dr. Crimson without getting Lucy to stay late."

Olivia's eyes opened. "So we have the entire day to ourselves?"

"We do," Alex said. "And as much as I'd like to stay in this bed all day, we did kind of break the rules."

"We've always broken the rules," Olivia said.

"We have, and last night was special for me, Liv," Alex said. "But I want to take this seriously. Besides, maybe Crimson will give us the all clear tomorrow."

Olivia groaned. "I guess I can live with that," she said, teasing.

"Well, I can't live without food much longer," Alex said. "And since we basically skipped dinner last night, I think we should go out for breakfast.

"Who's fault is it we skipped dinner?" Olivia said.

"That's not complaining I hear from you, is it?" Alex said, smirking down at Olivia.

"Not a chance, counselor," Olivia said. "But I'm wondering...are showers against Dr. Crimson's rules?"

"You are incorrigible," Alex said, narrowing her eyes on Olivia. "Okay, one shower. Then hands off until Crimson says so."

"Deal," Olivia said.

#

 _Monday evening._

"You two had sex didn't you?" Dr. Crimson said once Olivia and Alex sat down on the couch, much closer than they had on previous visits.

"What? How?" Alex said.

"I'm good at my job, Alex," Dr. Crimson said. "And besides, you both have guilty looks on your face. So instead of pretending you didn't, why not just tell me about it?"

"You want to know about the sex?" Alex said, still embarrassed.

"No, I don't want to know about the sex itself," Crimson said, laughing at Alex. "I want to know what brought it on. Why did you decide it was time? How you feel about it?"

"We...had a really good week," Olivia said.

"Yes, Olivia planned very romantic dates," Alex said. "Wednesday we got a couples massage and then she had a candlelit dinner at home, followed by dancing. Saturday she took me to the place where we first me."

"Wow, nice job, Liv," Dr. Crimson said. "Why did you chose those dates?"

"Well, I chose the massage because I thought we both had been stressed and needed to relax. And really, I just wanted to be romantic and woo her. She deserves it," Olivia said, smiling at Alex. "As for Saturday, I just wanted to remind her, and I guess myself too, of what it was like when we first met. Of how I began falling hopelessly in love with her that first night."

"So you had another romantic dinner?" Crimson asked.

"Actually, it was a pub, and the food was shit," Alex said. "The first night I met Olivia, I wanted nothing more than to drag her out of that pub and get to know her...yes, sexually, but mostly, I was intrigued, and I wanted to know more about the woman behind those brown eyes.

"So that's what I did Saturday night, and well, Sunday morning in the shower. There was no sense in sitting through a shitty meal," Alex said. "So, I'm sorry that we broke the rule. But everything just seemed...right."

"It's okay," Crimson said. "It sounds like you both feel good about it. Are you still sleeping in separate bedrooms?"

They both gave Crimson a sheepish smiled. "Well, we were until Saturday, so it's just been two nights," Olivia said.

"Okay, I'm glad Saturday worked out, and that you feel good about it," Crimson said. "I don't see a problem with it. But, I want you to go back to separate beds."

"What?" Olivia said.

"It's just one more week, I promise," Crimson said. "And I'd say you could share a bed if you thought you could resist each other, but I'm guessing that would be too difficult since you've already crossed that line again."

Alex and Olivia both sighed. "Yeah. Okay, one more week," Alex said.

"Besides, I'm going to ask you both to have a difficult conversation today," Crimson said. "And as good as last week seemed to you both, you have to remember it took months for you two to get here. You can't fix it with two weeks of counseling."

Both women took a breath and tensed their shoulders. They knew what was coming. It was the conversation they had been avoiding all week. Actually, they had been avoiding it for months.

"Em-ma," Dr. Crimson said.

Again with the staggered breathing.

"Olivia, last week I asked you to re-examine your relationship with Emma, in light of what Alex said," Dr. Crimson said. "Did you do that?"

Olivia ran her hands through her hair and clenched her jaw just a bit. It was time. Full disclosure.

"Well, I did think about it," Olivia said.

"Don't look at me," Dr. Crimson said, cutting her. "Look at Alex. Talk to Alex."

Both women turned to face each other on the couch, though neither had expected that. Looking at Dr. Crimson, or the floor, would have made this conversation go a lot easier. Olivia reached out and held Alex's hand. She was afraid if she didn't hold onto Alex, she might lose her, as silly as it sounded. Holding Alex's hand wasn't going to make her stay if she didn't want to. But she took it anyway, needed to feel the comforting touch of her wife, of Alex.

"You said some things last week, things that you felt, and things you saw, and interpreted," Olivia said. "And more than anything, right now, I want to tell you that you're wrong and mistaken."

Olivia paused.

"But I can't," Olivia said. She watched as tears welled up in Alex's eyes. They were also welling up in her own eyes. "Things came as a surprise to Emma and I. Neither of us planned or intended for any of this. I think we just thought if we ignored it, it would go away. But it didn't."

"Just to clarify, Olivia," Dr. Crimson said. "When you say _neither of you intended this_ , what exactly do you meant by ' _this'?_ "

Alex looked down and took a sharp breath. She was glad Crimson had asked the question because she didn't have the guts to at the moment.

"Nothing physical ever happened," Olivia said. "I just mean our relationship - our feelings for each other. Honestly, I was just blindsided, but it's my fault. I allowed it to happen because you're right Alex, I checked out. Not on purpose, never on purpose, but it happened, and I would give anything to take it all back."

"Do you love her?" Alex choked out.

Olivia's eyes got wide. She didn't expect that question. She looked to Dr. Crimson for help.

"I think it's a fair question, Olivia," Crimson said. "I mean, you have essentially had an emotional affair with another woman."

The word _affair_ stabbed Olivia, and her stomach dropped. She knew _emotional affair_ was an accurate description, but hearing it out loud what almost more than she could take.

"Do. You. Love. Her?" Alex said again, more forcefully.

"No," Olivia said. "I don't love her. I never loved her."

"How can I believe that?" Alex said. "I mean you have risked our entire marriage, our entire life, for Emma. She must have something that I don't."

"She had time!" Olivia said. "She was there for me when you weren't. You know why I didn't call you when I got stabbed? Because I believed you wouldn't care. That's how you had made me feel, like a burden. I was afraid I'd be bothering you to ask you to come and take care of me. I mean, you didn't even realize anything was wrong with our marriage until the townhouse incident. We keep talking about how I made you feel, well, how do you think I felt to realize it took me saying something as callous as telling you that you didn't cross my mind for you to take notice.

"I mean, I'd like to say I wished I'd never said those words. I do wish I hadn't hurt you like that, but I did, and I can't take it back. But part of me, Alex, I'm glad it happened. I'm glad it gave you the wake up call you needed on our marriage, because without it, who knows where we'd be right now."

"You'd probably be fucking Emma," Alex said. "That's where we'd be. I'd honestly feel better if you had just fucked her instead of this. I trusted you. I trusted _her_. She was in our home, right under my nose, and you two were falling for each other, and I didn't even see it. Because I trusted you."

"You asked me how I know I didn't love Emma," Olivia said. "Do you want to know how I know? It's because things were always too easy with Emma. Too easy because something was missing. The passion. The fire. Everything that you have that she doesn't have. You pull emotions out of me that I never even knew existed. Things that make me crazy - crazy in anger and crazy in love. No one else has ever done that. Not Emma. Not anyone.

"Did I feel something for her? Yes. But it was a crush...and it's over."

"What do you mean it's over?" Alex said.

"I mean, we talked, Emma and I, and we ended our friendship," Olivia said. "And do you know what? I'm okay with that. It didn't devastate me. I went back to my office, I finished my work day, and I was fine. _That's_ how I know I don't love Emma."

"You ended your friendship with Emma?" Alex said. She was genuinely surprised. "When?"

"Friday," Olivia said. "We both had been struggling with this, knowing it was wrong, but not wanting to acknowledge it. So we agreed that we couldn't, and shouldn't, be friends."

"I didn't ask you to do that," Alex said.

"I know you didn't, Alex," Olivia said. "I did it because I wanted to and I did it for us. It was the right thing to do, and I don't want to waste another second with Emma when I could be spending it with you. I fucked up. I did this. Yes, things were not good with us, and yes, I just yelled at you about it, and we both had a hand in getting us there. But I made a choice. Not a conscious one, but I still made one every time I spent time with Emma. Every time I talked to her about something instead of you. Every time I ignored that little voice in my head that was screaming at me.

"And goddammit, I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me," Olivia said.

Olivia finally breathed. Both women had been sobbing between yelling at each other.

"Alex," Dr. Crimson said slowly. "Is there anything you want to say to Olivia?"

Alex just stared at Olivia. Olivia did love her. And Alex believed that Olivia never loved Emma. She wanted to forgive her. But she also knew if they were going to go forward, she had to take some responsibility.

"You're right," Alex said. "The townhouse was a wake-up call for me. And I am sorry that it took that for me to realize it. I'm sorry for not seeing how you were hurting and not supporting you back. And you're right, you did make the choice to enter into a relationship with Emma, even if not consciously. But, we both put our marriage in a position that something like that could happen. And I want to forgive you for Emma, God, I want to forgive you so much. I want to go back to Saturday night and pretend like everything is perfect again."

Alex paused, and Olivia held her breath. Alex wanted to forgive her, but...?

"But Saturday night has passed, and this is where we are," Alex said. She took Olivia's other hand in hers so that she was now holding both.

"I can forgive you," Alex said. "At least, I think I can. But both of us have to work at this, and that includes me. I know I've slacked off with doing things for you this past week, and just generally making you feel loved. Can you also forgive me for my part in this? For ignoring our marriage for so long? For taking you for granted?"

"I already have," Olivia said, smiling. She had finally realized the breath she was holding, relieved. A few seconds ago, she was sure her marriage was over.

"Okay, I'm going to interrupt here," Dr. Crimson said. "Olivia, you made a big step admitting that you had feelings for Emma. Alex, you made a big step admitting that you have ignored this marriage for a while. You both made a big step by saying you wanted to and could forgive each other. Be cautious that it will take some time to heal, even if you have forgiven each other. You are just going to have to remember your commitment to each other, to your marriage, and to forgiveness. It's all a process.

"Over the next few weeks, we'll work together to make sure you are both actively participating in healing this marriage, but I have to say, I'm impressed. You've both done a lot of work, and to be honest, I wasn't sure when you first came in here."

"Same rules for the next week. Walks. Kind things. Dates. _No sex._ But feel free to bring Noah home. You need to start readjusting to family life."

#

When they got home that night, they were both drained emotionally. Dinner consisted of leftover Chinese take-out from the previous night. They were both quiet, but there was almost a peace about them. Everything was out in the open. And even if the wounds were fresh, they were out. They weren't covered up, waiting to fester up again. They were open and ready to begin healing.

"I'm so excited to see Noah tomorrow," Olivia said. "I mean, don't get me wrong, these past two weeks with just you have been, well, good for us. But I do miss the little man."

Alex was laying on Olivia's shoulder on the couch. They knew things wasn't all magically healed, but they wanted to be near each other. They wanted to know they were walking through this with someone else - with the other.

"Me, too," Alex said. "And now that we know he's more than comfortable at Grandma's maybe we should plan to let her take him more often. You know, when we need a break to get away alone."

"Like our long forgotten honeymoon?" Olivia said. "I mean, I know it may not be the best time to talk about it, but..."

"No, Liv, it's the perfect time to talk about it," Alex said. "I wish more than anything I would have made time last year after the wedding."

"Then this year," Olivia said. "For our anniversary. Let's do it. Let's get through the next few weeks with Dr. Crimson and let's plan it. Where ever you want to go, we'll make it happen."

"I'd like that," Alex said. "And Liv, I really am working on forgiving you. We both share the blame. But I really do have hope in us. We're going to make it. We have to make it."

"Alex Cabot, _you are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known—and even that is an understatement._ "

Alex cocked her head up at Olivia and gave her a confused look.

"That's Fitzgerald," Alex said, questioning where it came from.

"Yes, it is," Olivia said. "I figured it's time I retired the Shakespeare tragedies. We see enough of that in real life anyway. Besides, Fitzgerald was much more of a romantic."

Alex smiled, and Olivia leaned down. She kissed her. Gently but passionately. The way you can only kiss someone you truly love. She wrapped both arms around Alex and pulled her closer. They sat like that in silence. Appreciating the embrace and closeness of each other.

They had hope.

And now they had forgiveness.

* * *

A/N 2: First, I love that so many of you are divided on this (who is to blame, love Emma/hate Emma). that was kind of the point. They both have made missteps, and the fact that you all have difference opinions makes me think I showed that (understanding everyone comes in with their open pre-conceived ideas of these two characters).

\- Big question: Why didn't Liv tell Emma first? Because Emma felt guilty and wanted to take the responsibility from Olivia. At least some of it. As for the "we can't be friends" and her saying it first...I guess in my head, Emma's came out almost as a question than a statement. And Olivia repeated it to confirm that that was indeed what she wanted. Olivia was always going to let Emma go, but it was hard, because she cared about Emma. Even if Emma had been "just a friend" it would have been hard.

-Yes, Liv was unsure at first. Liv was hurting and had been for a long time. She began to see a life in which Alex wasn't part of it (because she had been living that life for a while).

\- Alex was expecting Liv to do a lot of the work. Alex was more freshly wounded by Liv (Townhouse and Emma), so she was more angry than hurt. But hopefully, I turned that around for her.

\- When Emma said "this, us" she was accurate. Her and Olivia were a "this" and an "us"...if they weren't, we wouldn't be here. Not in the traditional sense, but there was definitely an emotional affair. And they were definitely an "Us"

\- Uh, I think Barba & Casey displayed quite the opposite of being happy about Liv and Alex's problems. Playful? yes, but they prodded as concerned friends and gave Liv the talking to she needed (like good friends do).

\- Yeah, I know, a lot of you dislike Emma. And of lot of you love her. That's what makes her a good character...the way everyone reads motive into everything she does, good and bad. It makes me happy, actually, but I am sorry you didn't like her. You'll get a somewhat satisfactory ending, I promise.


	92. Caroline

A/N: I needed a cool off chapter before jumping into Manhattan Transfer. This one is pretty Caroline-centric - convos with Olivia and Alex. And some good family time. It's all pretty sweet, but with a good mom/daughter talk as well.

thanks to 'MarchCabot' for the idea of the quote at the end. It's from Anne Frank.

Also, someone (SNL) asked: "Did Alex really not know Emma was bi?" - In my mind, she didn't know, but should have. So I've always considered it a denial in order to feel okay with having such an attracted woman in her bed. I actually wrote a scene where Emma and Alex talked about it, but cut it for some reason.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: CAROLINE**

Caroline Cabot arrived in the city much earlier than she had planned Tuesday morning. It was 5:30 am. Noah woke exceptionally early and refused to go back to sleep, so she decided to go ahead and make the drive. She suspected it was because he missed his moms. He had been a trooper for the two weeks, but the last few days had begun to cry for them.

Part of her wonder if she could call Alex and ask them to come on the weekend, but she could tell from talking to Alex that whatever they were doing was working. She heard something in her daughter's voice that she hadn't heard in a long time. Happiness.

Caroline knew things were tough at home for her girls. She just hoped they had gotten over the worst of it. Caroline Cabot was a smart woman and extremely intuitive. Even if Alex never mentioned it, she knew about Emma. She could see it. She adored Emma, if not for any other reason than for how she has been there for Alex in the Congo. She also adored Olivia. No, she loved Olivia as her own daughter. But Alex was her daughter, and Olivia had hurt her daughter.

When Caroline arrived at the apartment, she figured Alex and Olivia were likely still asleep. She decided she would let herself in and cook breakfast for them and have Noah play quietly in his room. He was still sleepy, after all.

She came in the door with a nearly sleeping Noah in the stroller but stopped when she saw the scene in front of her.

Alex and Olivia were both asleep on the couch, partially sitting up, partially laying down. Alex was mostly lying on top of Olivia with Olivia's arms around her. They hadn't even changed into pajamas, and leftover food was still sitting on the coffee table in front of them. Caroline smiled at how peaceful they looked. It reminded her of their moment at the beach the previous weekend. It reminded her of a lot of stolen moments she had seen from them, just not as much recently.

She quietly crept down the hallway with Noah, hoping not to wake them. She put Noah in his bed and told him to go back to sleep. When she returned to the living room, she noticed Olivia was beginning to wake up. She carefully moved without waking Alex and laid the blonde down on the couch.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Caroline said in a hushed tone. "I just put Noah down in bed. He'll probably go back to sleep. He woke up at some ungodly hour and wasn't able to sleep, so I decided to get on the road."

"It's okay. I wasn't fully asleep," Olivia said. "I didn't sleep much."

"Why didn't you just go to bed?" Caroline said.

"Oh, well, I didn't want to wake Alex, and it was nice," Olivia said, smiling.

"Well, while Alex and Noah are sleeping, why don't you let me make you some breakfast, and you can get me a cup of coffee," Caroline said.

The two of them departed to the kitchen where they could talk a little louder without fear of disturbing Alex. Olivia poured them some coffee while Caroline pulled out some eggs from the refrigerator.

"Let me help with that," Olivia said.

"No, I got it," Caroline said. "Why don't you sit down and talk to me about Alex."

Olivia got quiet, not sure what she should or was supposed to say.

"Olivia, how long have you and Alex been together?" Caroline said. "If you don't think I don't know what's happening in your relationship, then you are mistaken. Remember, I know everything. Well, in this case, I don't know the specifics, but a mother knows."

"Okay, well, we had two very good weeks of counseling," Olivia said. "I mean, we had some hard conversations, but ultimately, I think for the greater good."

"I'm glad to hear that," Caroline said. "I know you both share the blame in all of this, but as Alex's mother, I need to say something. You broke my little girl's heart. And I know she probably broke your's too, but so help me..."

"Caroline, I'm sorry," Olivia said. "You're right. I screwed up, and it'll never happen again."

"And what are you going to do about Emma?" Caroline said.

Olivia's mouth dropped open. She hadn't expected that. Did Alex tell her?

"Don't look so surprised," Caroline said. "I saw the way Alex looked at you when you looked Emma. And I know Alex trusts you, or wants to, but -"

"Emma and I aren't friends anymore," Olivia said. "We decided it was best for us, and our relationships, if we made that decision."

"Good, I'm glad you took that step," Caroline said. "It's a shame though it came to this. She was a delightful woman."

"Yeah, she was, but Alex is more delightful and that's all that matters," Olivia said.

From outside the kitchen, they heard a loud groan.

"I need coffee," Alex said. "I can't believe you left me on the couch all night."

Alex and Caroline smiled at each other. "Delightful, huh?" Caroline said.

"Good morning, sweetie," Olivia said, placing a kiss on Alex's cheek.

"What are you doing here, Mom?"

"Noah and I got a headstart, and Olivia and I were just here talking about how delightful you were," Caroline said.

Alex gave Olivia a suspicious look.

"By the way, I didn't leave you on the couch," Olivia said. "We both fell asleep there. I just got up when your mom came in. Here's your coffee."

"Thank you," Alex said, pressing her lips against Olivia's for a quick kiss.

"You girls go get ready for work," Caroline said. "Noah will probably sleep for awhile. He barely slept, and he misses his moms. Breakfast will be ready for you soon, and I'll have dinner for you two tonight."

#

When Olivia and Alex got home from work, Caroline and Noah had dinner ready, as well as drawings Noah had done of their family. You couldn't quite make out what he drew, other than some scribbles, and Grandma definitely helped, but it went right up on the fridge all the same.

After dinner, Olivia and Alex both sat on the floor playing with Noah while Caroline sat in the chair watching. After his bath, which they both gave him, they put him to bed for his bedtime story.

"Both read," Noah said, meaning he wanted both of them to read to him.

Olivia smiled and joined Alex and Noah on the bed, with Noah climbing up so he was sitting on both of their laps. He laid his head back against Olivia, put his thumb in his mouth (which Alex hated), while they took turns reading his favorite story to him.

Every moment they spent together that night with Noah and with each other, they cherished. Having Noah back, seeing their _family_ , gave them, even more, strength and will to fight for it.

When Noah was asleep, they joined Caroline again in the living room. They had insisted she stay over since she had driven over so early this morning, and Alex knew her mother didn't drive as well as night anyway.

"So, Mom, why don't you sleep with me tonight," Alex said. Caroline gave the two of them a strange look. "It's just, uh, part of the counseling thing. We're supposed to sleep in separate rooms for another week so that we don't, um, well..."

"Use sex as a means to fix your relationship?" Caroline said. Alex blushed. "I'm a grown up Alex, who has had plenty of sex in my lifetime."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Anyway, this way no one has to sleep in Noah's room and risk him waking them up."

Caroline went to prepare for bed while Olivia and Alex went to the kitchen finish cleaning up for the night. When they were done, Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist.

"Thank you," Alex said.

"For what?" Olivia asked.

"For not giving up," Alex said.

"You're welcome," Olivia said. "And thank you for not giving up."

Olivia kissed Alex and moved her mouth down to Alex's neck. Alex tilted her head back and let out a soft moan. Alex whimpered when Olivia her lips away from her neck and placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"I'm sorry, but if I keep doing that, and you keep making sounds like that..." Olivia said. "Well, let's just say I'd hate for you to have to sneak out of your bedroom into mine tonight because you know we'd get busted by your mom. She might even ground you."

Alex pinched Olivia's side. "I'll have you know, I never got grounded for sneaking out."

"Let me guess, you got grounded for talking back?"

Alex gave her a guilty look. "Well, we did know from an early age that I liked to argue. It's just a good thing someone had the sense to direct that into a career. What about you? Sneak out much, Benson?"

"Uhh, maybe," Olivia said. "But with my mom, half the time she wouldn't have even noticed. Of course, when Noah gets to be a teenager..."

"Let me guess, he's going to be under lock and key?" Alex said.

"Yep, and if he tries to pull any favors with the district attorney for leniency, they both will have another thing coming," Olivia teased.

They both smiled thinking about Noah as a teenager and the two of them still together. Thoughts like that seemed so distant just a few short weeks ago.

Alex kissed Olivia goodnight and went to join Caroline after getting ready for bed.

Alex laid her head on her mother's shoulder and held onto her.

"Mom?"

"Uh huh?"

"How did you forgive Dad?" Alex asked. The question took Caroline by surprise. She knew Olivia and Emma had been close, but she didn't expect that Olivia had actually cheated on Alex.

Caroline was quiet for a moment. Partially trying to come up with the right words for her daughter, partially in shock and wanting to go yell at Olivia.

"She didn't cheat on me," Alex said. "At least not in a physical sense." Alex had felt her mother tense up and realized she needed to explain her question better.

Caroline relaxed a little. Not that it made it any better, but at least it hadn't been as overt.

"Well, it took a lot of work. We went to counseling like I said. We truly had to put our marriage back together. I had just found out I was pregnant with you and had some big decisions to make. But ultimately, I didn't stay because of you or your siblings, I stayed because I saw that your father saw what an error he made and because I loved him and knew that he loved me."

Alex nodded.

"There will be good days and bad days. Forgiveness is a process. It doesn't just happen. It took me probably a year before I felt like I truly forgave your father, and even after that, I would have doubts. But he hung in there. He fought for us and showed me he was in this for the long haul.

"I didn't know the woman that your father had an affair with. I was glad of that. I know it must be harder for you and Olivia, I mean, with Emma being so close to both of you, living her."

"I think that's the hardest part for me," Alex said. "It happened right in front of me without me noticing. I was that far tuned out. I mean, I don't think Liv and Emma noticed it either, at least from what she says. And I believe her."

"You weren't paying attention because you had no reason to think you needed to look for it," Caroline said. "I mean, yes, you were checked out back then. I know that. But even though I love Olivia as my own, I want you to know that you're my daughter, and if she ever does anything like this again...well, let's just say I know people."

"Mom!" Alex said while Caroline laughed.

"I'm kidding, sweetie," Caroline said. "Olivia and I spoke this morning. I believe she is truly sorry and regrets what happened. She loves you."

"I know," Alex said. "And I am hopeful right now that we'll get our happily ever after."

"Me, too. And that hope is all you can ask for," Caroline said. " _Where there's hope, there's life. It fills us with fresh courage and makes us strong again."_


	93. Manhattan Transfer

A/N: This is *not* the scene you're waiting for between Alex and Emma, but I did give you a little taste of what will be coming. I know you're anxious for the real one, and I am, too, but I have a plan and it hasnt' come to it yet.

You all are killing me (in an awesome way) with the reviews. I love them, so thank you for reading and reviewing. I love the feedback, good and bad. It makes my day.

I had more to say, but it's 2am and I'm exhausted. As usual, if you have questions, shoot them my way and I'll answer either in comments or in the next A/N

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: MANHATTAN TRANSFER**

Olivia walked in the front door of her apartment. She was tired. She was stressed. And she had no idea what time it was. Once the door was shut behind her and jacket hung, she saw a soft lamp on in the living room.

"Hey," Alex said sympathetically.

"Hey," Olivia said. "I wasn't expecting you to be up still." Olivia walked over to the couch where Alex was sitting.

"Well, I thought maybe you could use a glass of wine after tonight," Alex said. She held up an empty wine glass and the open bottle sitting there. Olivia nodded and took the glass while Alex poured.

"Word travels fast, huh?" Olivia said after taking her first sip.

"Well, when you pick up an ADA, a judge, Assemblymembers, and a councilman, at a sex party with underage girls, then yes, word travels fast," Alex said. "You know the DA's office. Full of leaks."

"Yeah, and on top of that, there were Vice officers there claiming they were working a UC operation, and we ruined it," Olivia said. "Their captain came by and let's just say it didn't go well. They don't want SVU involved at all. Which made a lot more sense after this nun that was there, Sister Nina, claimed the Vice Detectives were participating in the rape of underage girls."

"So you have a clusterfuck on your hands, huh?" Alex said. Olivia nodded.

"What's Barba say?" Alex asked. "And Emma is still working SVU and Vice, right? That must be tricky."

"Well, you know Barba," Olivia said. "He doesn't care who is involved. He wants to pursue it. I didn't talk to Emma. She was in the office trying to deal with things on the Vice end. But, according to Barba, I'm sure she'll fight on the side of the rape victims."

"Yeah, no doubt there," Alex said. "I'm just glad this isn't one of mine, but I am sorry you're having to deal with it."

"Yeah, me, too," Olivia said. "Let's get some sleep. I have a feeling the rest of the week isn't going to get much better."

It had been nearly a month since Dr. Crimson gave the okay for Olivia to move back into the bedroom with Alex and for them to start sleeping together again. On the home front, things were beginning to get back to normal - good normal. They were still seeing Dr. Crimson once per week, as it helped them process their feelings while rebuilding their relationship. They also kept up the daily walks when they had time and the date nights. Even if they couldn't go out, they made a point of carving out time for them to do things. They had even started to learn new things about the other - new restaurants, new interests, new books. And more importantly, they both began to see how much the other had changed in positive ways - how they had both grown more confident in themselves and their work. They didn't need to prove anything to the world anymore.

#

The following day Olivia watched from the observation room with Barba and Emma while Carisi and Rollins interviewed some girls, hoping to find out who was hosting the parties.

"What's Vice saying?" Barba asked Emma.

"Well, I officially recused myself from this case on behalf of Vice," Emma said. "That way my allegiances won't be divided in case it turns into a war between SVU and Vice. Besides, I can't stand Russo and Jefferson. And I'm pretty sure they don't like me, either."

"And Captain Gerbic?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Emma said. "But he's definitely in the good ol' boys club. If they're doing something wrong, he'll cover for them as long as he can without risking his own ass."

The three of them looked at each other and sighed. Olivia then caught the sight of Alex walking into the squad room.

"I'll let you two finish up watching this," Olivia said. "Excuse me."

When Olivia was gone, Barba gave Emma a questioning look.

"What?" she said.

"You and Benson, okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, we really are," Emma said. "And I appreciate you running interference for me so I don't have to be over here as much. I think it's for the best."

Barba nodded.

Olivia met Alex just outside her office door. Alex was carrying takeout bags. Olivia gave her a kiss on the cheek to greet her.

"What a nice surprise?" Olivia said. "Please tell me there is food in those bags?"

"Only if you count salad as food," Alex said smiling.

"Today, I'll count anything," Olivia said. "I wasn't sure I'd get a chance to get away for lunch. The phone has been ringing off the hook. How did you get away?"

"Let's just say there are _some_ advantages to being the Bureau Chief," Alex said. "I had a _working lunch_ scheduled for today and Julie knows not to interrupt me unless it's an emergency."

"Thanks, Alex," Olivia said. She pulled the salads out of the bag and picked the least offending one to eat. "I needed to see your smile today. It makes realize that in the middle of all this junk, I get to come home to you and Noah."

A quiet knock came on the office door, and Barba opened the door to come in once he knew he wasn't disturbing anything.

"Liv, I just wanted to remind you that we are meeting with IAB and Tucker later," Barba said. Olivia nodded.

"Alex, good to see you," Barba said.

"You, too," Alex said.

Behind the open door, Alex could see Emma standing out in the squad room, waiting on Barba and checking her phone. While Alex was watching her, Emma looked up from her phone and made eye contact with Alex. Alex's face immediately tensed as she narrowed her eyes on Emma. Emma looked back, eyes looking like a deer's eyes in headlights. She hadn't seen Alex since before her and Olivia talked. She quickly looked back down at her phone and turned her back toward the office while she continued waiting on Barba.

Barba left the office, and Olivia watched Alex as the blonde began to eat her salad. She saw the brief eye exchange between Emma and Alex.

"Alex, is everything okay?" Olivia asked. If she had learned anything, it was that they needed to communicate better and more.

"Yeah, everything is fine, I just," Alex said and then stopped. She could see in Olivia's eyes that the brunette didn't believe her. She also wanted them to communicate better, too. "I just hadn't seen her since before we talked. It just caught me off guard. I mean, not that she was here. That's her job, and it's fine. I just hadn't prepared myself, that's all."

Olivia nodded. "I understand."

"Do she do that a lot now? Or was it just because I was here?" Alex asked and then saw Olivia's confused face. "Hang back outside your office and let Barba do the talking, is what I mean."

"Oh, uh, yeah, she's been scarce lately," Olivia said. "I mean, I've noticed that Barba has been taking on more here in the office. She's still working on our cases, but she's been doing a lot of it from her office when possible. I haven't asked why and neither she nor Barba have said anything. But, I'm thankful for it."

Olivia looked down. She hated having to see Emma. Not because she hated Emma, but because it reminded her of how she had hurt Alex.

Alex saw the look of guilt in Olivia's eyes and reached out to take her hand.

"Hey, I'm glad we could have lunch today," Alex said, pulling Olivia back from her thoughts. "And what you're doing right now, don't. We're doing this together, remember? You don't get to hide and take all the blame inside your mind. Both of us did this, and both of us will fix it."

Olivia looked up and into Alex's affectionate blue eyes. She smiled because Alex was right. That's part of what they had been working through with Dr. Crimson - guilt on both their parts. They found it was almost easier to forgive the other person than it was themselves. And each of them had their days when the guilt consumed them.

Olivia had found Alex crying in bed on a few occasions, apologizing for being so cold to Olivia. Alex, on the other hand, would usually catch Olivia deep in thought, staring off, with the look of sadness and guilt in her eyes. And each time, they remembered their promise to do this together and pulled the other person out of it.

It wasn't always easy. There were times when forgiveness for the other person was hard, but they were working on it and had made a significant amount of progress.

#

That afternoon, Barba and Olivia met with Tucker to discuss the case and IAB's involvement. Serious allegations had been made against the Vice Detectives, and IAB wanted to make sure SVU's witness to the rapes was credible, in addition to getting any other information they had. IAB had also spent time interviewing the Vice Detectives, who made some allegations of themselves.

"Let me ask you think, is there a possible cover up in Vice higher up than these detectives?" Tucker asked, after making sure no one else could hear besides the three of them.

"You mean like their Captain? Sure, it's possible, but we don't have any evidence or witnesses to that," Barba said.

"I mean someone in the DA's office. Maybe an ADA who wants to make a name and a splash for themselves with this UC case?" Tucker said.

Olivia and Barba looked at each other and immediately realized what Tucker was getting at. _That's why Emma hadn't been invited to the IAB meeting._ Tucker had insisted it was just the two of them. He didn't want to waste anyone's time that wasn't necessary.

"No," Barba said.

"It's not possible, Tucker," Olivia said.

"Okay, I believe you," Tucker said. "But Lt. Benson, could I speak to you privately for a moment?"

"Anything you want to ask her, you can ask her with me here as her legal counsel," Barba said.

"Relax, counselor," Tucker said. "Why don't you just let me talk to her for a moment and if she feels like she needs you, she can come and get you? You can even watch from the hallway."

Barba looked at Olivia, and she nodded, telling him it was okay. She trusted Tucker.

"I'll be right in the hallway," Barba said to Olivia. "One look and I'm in here." Neither he nor Olivia had any idea what it was Tucker wanted to talk in private about. That's what made Barba so nervous about it. He exited the room, shutting the door behind him.

"What's going on, Ed?" Olivia said as soon as the door was shut. She was standing now.

"Detectives Russo and Jefferson have made their own allegations," Tucker said.

"Yes, apparently against ADA Bailey," Olivia said.

"They allege they told her months ago, late fall, about the rapes and possible sex trafficking," Tucker said. "They say she told them to set on it, that the UC operation was more important, as was taking down the major players."

"Tucker, I'm telling you, that is not possible," she said. "You don't know Emma. She's spent all of her career fighting against rape and sex trafficking. She recused herself from this case at Vice so she could help SVU fully prosecute it. There is no way these allegations are true."

"Maybe she recused herself so she could help route the detectives that had something on her," Tucker said, playing devil's advocate.

"This is Russo and Jefferson covering their asses because they are about to go down," Olivia said.

"How well do you really know Bailey?" Tucker asked.

"She worked with Alex in the Congo. I've known her since she moved here early fall. She lived with us for three months. She's my ADA. I trust her," Olivia said.

She was pacing around the room and getting upset. She and Emma may not be friends anymore, or anything other than colleagues, but it didn't mean Emma was capable of something like this. Emma was damn good at her job.

"And she's never stepped out of line?" Tucker said.

"No, Emma isn't capable of this," Olivia said. "You're wrong about her. Trust me."

"I do trust you, Benson," Tucker said. "And I want to believe you, but there is one more thing you should know."

Olivia stopped pacing long enough to look at him and waited for him to continue.

"Detectives Russo and Jefferson allege a relationship between you and ADA Bailey, er, Emma," Tucker said. "They claim to have proof of an affair."

Olivia's mouth dropped open, and she covered her mouth.

"Now, you can see how this could look if I just take your word for it that Emma is not involved," Tucker said. "Look, just tell me it's not true, or that you didn't know anything about the cover up, and I'll do my best to keep this internal and make sure it doesn't get to One PP. I want to help you, Liv. And I believe you."

"Lieutenant Benson doesn't have anything else to say," Barba said, suddenly appearing.

"Barba, I don't recall Benson asking for you to come back inside," Tucker said.

"Lieutenant Benson doesn't have anything else to say to you," Barba said. "We're done here, Tucker. Come on, Liv." Barba took Olivia's arm and pulled her out of the room.

"What am I going to do?" Olivia said. "I mean, I trust Tucker. I can just tell him the truth."

"And air your's and Alex's dirty laundry for all of One PP?" Barba said. "I don't think so. He'd have to go straight to One PP whether he wanted to or not."

"But there was no affair," Olivia said.

"Yes, technically," Barba said. "But all they are going to need to do is find out you and Alex have been in marriage counseling. Talk to a few people and see that Emma has adjusted her work day to avoid SVU and you. Call in a few people that have worked around the two of you who want to create things in their mind, true or not."

"One PP is going to hear about this regardless," Olivia said.

"Yes, but they don't need an admission of any kind of relationship," Barba said. "Right now, all they are going to have are allegations."

"He said they had some sort of proof," Barba said.

"What proof? There is no proof because there was no affair," Barba said. "What? A few rumors of the two of you being friendly? That can be explained away. Trust me, the less you say, the better. Put the burden of proving anything on them."

Olivia sighed and kept walking.

"Look, I'm going to head back to the office and make some calls," Barba said. "Go home and don't say anything to anyone. Except Alex. You need to talk to her as soon as you can. You'll be lucky if she hasn't heard from someone already. One PP and the DA's office leaks like a sieve."

#

Alex hurried into the SVU precinct that evening. It was the end of the work day, and she had just heard rumors of Emma getting put on administrative leave and that IAB was now investigating the Lieutenant from SVU for an inappropriate relationship. The news hadn't made it far, but Alex knew enough people even higher up than her that she could count on to call her.

"Where is Liv?" Alex asked anyone listening in the squad room.

"You just missed her by about 30 minutes," Carisi said. "She was here with Bailey, who seemed pretty upset. She was crying and everything. Olivia walked her out, or maybe left with her, I'm not sure. She didn't come back. She just said to call if we needed her."

 _Emma. Of course, Emma._ Alex was filled with worry and doubt. She didn't want to believe Olivia would go back on her word about spending time with Emma, but this was different. Of course, she would want to talk to Emma, especially if they were accused of something inappropriate. But Olivia should have come to Alex first.

"Thanks," Alex said, turning to leave the squad room and pulling out her phone to call Olivia.

 _Voicemail._

Alex headed downstairs to get a cab. She got in and tried Olivia three more times during her cab ride. When it stopped, she got out, paid the driver way too much and practically ran into the building in front of her and up the three flights of stairs.

 _Thud! Thud! Thud!_

Emma flung the door to her apartment open. She was in pajamas and looked like she had been crying for a while.

"Where is she!" Alex said before Emma could even speak.

"Who?"

"You. Know. Who." Alex said. She was angry, and her voice showed it. "Where is she, because I _know_ she is here. I know she left with you."

"Sweetie," a voice from the other room called. "Who's at the door?"

 _That voice was familiar._

Jennifer appeared from the bedroom and came up behind Emma. "Oh, hi, Alex," she said.

Alex nodded, and Jennifer stood there looking confused at Emma and Alex.

"Is everything okay?" Jennifer said. "Please tell me you didn't get more bad news."

"No, love, it's fine," Emma said. "Can you give us a minute?"

"Sure," Jennifer said. She leaned over and kissed Emma on the cheek before returning to the bedroom where they had been curled up as Emma cried about getting suspended and the allegations against her.

Fortunately, for Emma, she had decided to talk to Jennifer about her relationship with Olivia shortly after she and Olivia ended their friendship. Emma liked Jennifer, maybe even loved her, and saw how much it hurt Olivia and Alex. She knew she also had to fess up to Jennifer. So the allegations didn't come as a shock to Jennifer, who was also working on forgiving Emma.

"Alex, I don't know what you are thinking right now, but I haven't seen Olivia since I left the squad room today," Emma said. "Yes, she walked out with me because she wanted to tell me about her conversation with Tucker and what Barba advised her. But we parted ways once we got out of the elevator. That's the only conversation I had with her this afternoon."

Alex stared at her. She wanted to scream at her. She wanted to punch her. But Olivia wasn't there and more than anything, she wanted to find Olivia and find out what the hell was going on.

"Fine," Alex said and turned to leave.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Emma said. "I think we should talk."

"Fuck you," Alex said. "You should have thought of that before you tried to steal my wife." She stormed off, leaving Emma standing in the door.

Emma closed her eyes, put her hand up to cover her open mouth, and took a deep breath. _I deserved that, probably worse._

Emma shut the door and turned around to see Jennifer standing there with a look in her eyes that Emma couldn't figure out.

"She's not wrong, you know," Jennifer said.

"What?

"I mean, I get it," Jennifer said. "You're the last person she wants to talk to. Maybe ever. I know that's how I feel about Olivia, and Olivia and I weren't even friends. You and I aren't married. Regardless of whether you and Olivia meant for this to happen, it did, and whatever pain it caused me, and caused us, it caused a lot more for them."

"I'm sorry," Emma said.

"I know," Jennifer said. "And I'm working on forgiving you because I love you. But Alex? She probably believes her life would be better if she never saw you again. So, she may not ever want to hear your apology."

#

Alex decided to talk home rather than taking a cab. It was supposed to be date night, so she knew that Lucy would be with Noah and both she and Olivia had a while before they needed to be home. She was relieved Olivia hadn't been at Emma's and that she was wrong. But she also wasn't prepared to see Emma, not twice in one day. She certainly wasn't prepared to have to speak to her. Even if she had forgiven Olivia, she wasn't prepared to even think of forgiving Emma. Not now, and maybe not ever.

When Alex arrived home, she was surprised to see Lucy gone and Olivia sitting on the floor playing with Noah and flowers on the dining room table.

"Liv?"

"Hi," Olivia said, looking up and smiling. "I picked up dinner. It's been on the counter for a bit so we can warm it up if we need to."

"Olivia, you're scaring me," Alex said. "I heard what happened today. I tried calling you."

"I know," Olivia said. "I'm sorry. When you called, I was still trying to process everything. I went for a walk and then decided to pick up dinner and come home and try to relax if that is even possible."

"Liv, it's going to be okay," Alex said.

"One PP called a little while before you got here," Olivia said. "My presence is requested first thing in the morning. Listen, let's have dinner, get Noah to bed, and we'll talk about this. All of it, okay?"

"Okay."

#

"Fin texted just before you got home," Olivia said once they climbed in bed for the night. "He said you stormed out of the squad room this evening. But that was a couple of hours before you got home. Where did you go?"

"Emma's."

"What? Why?"

"Honestly, when Carisi told me you left with her this afternoon, I feared the worst," Alex said. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

"No, Alex, don't apologize," Olivia said. "I'm sorry that I ever made you think you couldn't. So, you really went to Emma's?"

"Yeah, that didn't go so well," Alex said.

Olivia just nodded. She didn't know what to say to that. If the situation had been reversed, she would have probably jumped to the worst conclusion, too and laid into whoever the other person was that was taking Alex's time away from her. She had actually been impressed with how Alex had controlled herself, but she also knew they hadn't had many opportunities, if any, to see each other recently.

"What did Barba say to do?" Alex asked.

"Say nothing," Olivia said. "But..."

"No, he's right," Alex said. "Let them prove something inappropriate took place. All they have is their word. Don't give them any fuel for the fire."

"Tucker said they had some sort of proof," Olivia said.

"Vice is probably bluffing and even if they do, what could they possibly have?" Alex said.

"Nothing," Olivia said. "I mean we've always been professional at work. So maybe photos of us."

"Yes, of two friends," Alex said. "Of two _very close_ friends, but still anything in a photo can be explained away." Alex was annoyed. She wasn't angry at Olivia for this specific situation. She was just annoyed that the thing they had worked so hard on to plow through was coming back up to bite them in the ass.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said. "We've made all this progress and now this."

"Liv, listen to me," Alex said. "Yes, your's and Emma's actions probably brought this on, but only because someone in Vice has an ax to grind with Emma. And we can rehash why this happened with you and Emma again for the millionth time. I can take my share of the blame, you can take yours. Emma can take hers, but this situation right now is not our fault. It's not yours, mine, and as much as I hate to say it, even Emma's. It's whoever is setting her ups fault."

"They're claiming she knew about the rapes and sex trafficking months ago. They said she covered it up so she could go for the bigger fish to further her career in the DA's office," Olivia said.

"Yeah, I heard as much," Alex said. "And I hate her so much right now, but even I can't believe this. I've seen her do too much good work for rape victims."

"You know, she was leaving soon anyway," Olivia said. "Going back to the ICC headquarters."

"Really?" Alex asked. She wanted to ask how Olivia knew but didn't.

"She told me it was a possibility the night we decided to end our friendship, after we had talked that is," Olivia said. "And she confirmed it tonight at the precinct. She hasn't told anyone at the DA's yet. I don't even think she meant to tell me tonight. She was just upset about the allegations and how it wouldn't even make sense for her to want to make a name for herself in at the Manhattan DA's office when she was leaving the country soon anyway."

"Liv, listen, we are going to get through this," Alex said. "Call me when you're done with One PP tomorrow and I'll do whatever I need to do. We'll meet with Barba, and we'll come up with a plan."

#

"We have no idea what's going on?" Carisi asked Sgt. Dodds.

It was the next morning, and they were waiting on Olivia to get back from the meeting she told them she had. She just didn't say where.

"Barba didn't say," Dodds said. "Even my dad won't call me back. Someone high up the food chain must be sweating."

"Yeah, cause we're taking on the Catholic Church, City Hall, and Vice," Rollins said, rolling her eyes.

Just then Olivia walked in.

"Rollins, Carisi, get me some evidence boxes," she said. "Dodds, a minute?"

Dodds followed Olivia to her office while Rollins and Carisi grabbed a couple of boxes for Olivia.

"Lieutenant, what's going on?" Sgt. Dodds asked. HE could tell she was agitated.

"You don't know?" she said.

"Know what?" Carisi asked as he and Rollins walked into her office.

"That I'm out. Effective immediately," Olivia said. "Sgt. Dodds is acting commanders of SVU, so...congratulations."

The three squad members stood there in silence, unsure of what was happening.

"That's it," she said. "You're dismissed."

Olivia finished packing up her boxes and personal items from her office. When she was done, she picked up the phone and called Alex.

"Cabot."

"It's me," Olivia said. "I'm out."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I'm out at SVU, effective immediately," Olivia said.

"What?! They can't do that," Alex said. She covered the mouthpiece of the phone and yelled to the outside of her office. " _Julie, clear my schedule today. I have an emergency_."

"Alex, they can, and they did," Olivia said.

"Don't move," Alex said. "I'll be right there to get you, and I'll take you home."


	94. Unholiest Alliance

A/N: Holy cow, this is 1 review shy of 500 reviews and over 200k words! That is just crazy to me. Thank you all for reading and reviewing.

So this chapter probably isn't what you're expecting. I struggled writing much of the episode into it with the storyline I've created. And after the intensity of Manhattan Transfer, I wanted to ground us in some happy.

There will be a chapter or two between this and the season finale chapter(s). I have a feeling those will go 2-3 chapters so I can cover some show stuff, and some major things happening within our universe there.

Just remember...happy ending. I can promise that one chapter in particular coming up with be crazy, intense, angsty and all that stuff you love to hate me for. But think happy thoughts. And have fun with this one.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: UNHOLIEST ALLIANCE**

"So what did they tell you?" Alex asked Olivia once she got her home.

"Just that I was out while they investigated the allegations of having an inappropriate relationship with my ADA and to see if there was a conspiracy to cover something up," Olivia said. "I've been re-assigned to Community Affairs as of Monday."

Alex sat on the couch and started laughing. Olivia gave her a weird look. There wasn't anything funny about this situation.

"I'm sorry, it's just ironic," Alex said.

"What is?"

"That Emma is the SVU ADA that you get in trouble for having an inappropriate relationship with," Alex said.

"Yeah, well, I guess I deserve it, huh?" Olivia said. She wasn't in the mood to find any humor or irony in anything.

"I didn't say that, Olivia," Alex said. "You don't deserve this, and neither does Emma." Alex hated saying her name. She could barely get her name out without an eye roll.

"Emma is meeting with IAB tomorrow," Olivia said. "Maybe we should just be honest."

"Absolutely not!" Alex said. "Barba already told you that you have nothing to say. These pictures they had show nothing that should be inappropriate to anyone other than me. And what I think about it is none of their damn business."

"What am I going to do, Alex?" Olivia said. "What if I don't get to go back to SVU, even after they clear Emma, and in turn, me?"

"What _we're_ going to do is deal with whatever comes our way," Alex said. "Just like we always have, and just like we're doing right now."

"Alex, you don't deserve this," Olivia said. "Maybe I can just put in my papers and -"

"You'll do no such thing, and I get to decide what I deserve," Alex said. "We have to both stop playing the _what we deserve_ game because neither of us is innocent in this 16-year relationship. That ship has sailed. It no longer matters who's right and who's wrong. What matters is we're together, we're improving our relationship, and we're going to fight the bastards from Vice, the Catholic Church, and whoever the hell else is involved in this cover-up."

"SVU is going to have to blow this wide open to clear our names," Olivia said.

#

Friday and Saturday had not brought any good news for Olivia's future at SVU. Sister Nina, their only witness, was missing. Vice had evidence, likely fabricated, implicated Emma in a cover-up of the sex trafficking ring, and everyone from the Church was suddenly unavailable.

Once Alex found out about Sister Nina she decided they needed to get out of the city; otherwise, Olivia wasn't going to be getting off the couch all weekend.

"That's it," Alex said. "Go pack and overnight bag. We're going to Mom's for the weekend, and we're going to relax. Rebecca and Trevor are visiting this weekend."

"You can't be serious right now?" Olivia said. "One, it's already nearly noon on Saturday, and two, I can't leave town. What if IAB calls or One PP or SVU?"

"Then you will tell them you are spending the weekend with your family, and if they absolutely have to see you, they can wait for a couple of hours until we can drive back," Alex said. "But if we stay here, you are going to sit right there on the couch all weekend and wallow."

"What if I lose my job, Alex?" Olivia said. "Of course, I feel like wallowing."

"Then you lose your job," Alex said. "You get another one. Be a rape counselor. Be an advocate. Stay home with Noah. Whatever."

"You seriously want me to be a stay-at-home-mom?" Olivia said.

"No, I want you to be happy," Alex said. "And I know that right now, you think only SVU can do that for you, but I want to remind you what you already know...what you've been trying to tell me for the past year: work isn't the most important thing in our lives. So, no, I don't want you to have to think about doing any of those things. I want you right back in SVU, running it like the badass that you are. But this weekend, I want you to know that no matter what happens, Noah and I love you."

"I know that," Olivia said. She really did know it for the first time in a while. "But you know it won't be that easy to take my mind off it."

"I know," Alex said. "But I want to try. I want to take care of you. Please, let me."

#

Two and a half hours later, they were walking in the front door of the Cabot house. Caroline came to greet them as always and led them into the dining room where she had been visiting with Rebecca and Trevor.

"Becca, I thought maybe you and Olivia can get grandma's cookie recipe and work on that while Alex and I take Trevor for a little walk," Caroline said.

"Mom," Rebecca said. "No."

"What?" Caroline said with a grin.

"Oh, it's only fair," Alex said. "Come on, Trevor."

Trevor looked to Olivia, who merely smirked at him. "Don't look at me," she said. "The only advice I can give you is to stay out of the den. That's where they keep the guns. At least, you just have to deal with Caroline and Alex."

"Yeah, I think I'd rather have done whatever is about to happen with John," Trevor mumbled.

"Oh no you wouldn't have," Alex said. "Because there is no way he'd have ever let you date his daughter, much less for this long."

The three of them left with Noah and Olivia looked around to see that Rebecca had already departed to the kitchen where she was rolling dough already.

"What can I help with?" Olivia said.

Rebecca ignored her question. "I'm surprised to see you," she said.

"Becca, I don't know what to say," Olivia said.

"Don't say anything," she said. "You and Alex are working through your problems, and I'm happy for that. I just -"

"She's your little sister," Olivia said. "I get it. I got the same warning from your mother."

"I just, ugh, I want to yell at you or throw something at you," Rebecca said. "But, then it's you. And Alex forgave you, and you're making her happy again, and she's making you happy again and..."

"Throw something at me then," Olivia said. "Trust me; it would make me feel better."

"What?"

"Throw something at me," Olivia said again, looking down at the cookie dough.

Rebecca got a big smirk on her face before picking up a piece and hitting Olivia in the face with it, covering her with flour. Then a second piece hit her. Then a third.

"Feel better?" Olivia said, laughing.

"Maybe a little," Rebecca said.

A few seconds later Alex came back in the kitchen to grab a water, seeing Olivia covered in flour.

"What the hell? I thought you were making cookies, not eating the dough?" Alex said, giving her wife an amused look.

"Rebecca had some sisterly aggression to get out," Olivia said.

"You know, you covered in flour, is kind of hot," Alex said, moving closer to Olivia. "In fact, maybe we should reconsider this stay at home mom option so you can do more baking."

Alex was standing right in front of Olivia and put her hands on Olivia's shoulders.

"Uh, Allie, I'm still in here," Rebecca said.

"Yeah, why don't you go tell mom she and Noah on their own with Trevor," Alex said. "And make sure you no one comes back for at least an hour. We'll take care of the cookies."

"You are not going to..." Rebecca said, but before she could finish, Alex had pulled Olivia in for a kiss.

Rebecca closed her eyes. "Gross. Okay, I'm leaving, but I am not telling mom what you are about to do in her kitchen. Just keep it off the counter tops, please. We have to cook dinner in here tonight."

Alex never pulled her mouth from Olivia's; she just put an arm up to wave Rebecca out of the kitchen.

When Rebecca was gone, Alex moved her lips down to Olivia's neck.

"Alex, we're not really going to -" Olivia said but was quickly bit by Alex and shoved back against the fridge. "Oh! Uh, I guess we are."

"Oh, we are," Alex said. "How's this for distracting you?"

"Distracting me from what?" Olivia mumbled as she gripped Alex's ass and pulled her closer.

"That's what I thought," Alex said, moving her hands down and up under Olivia's shirt.

Olivia moaned at more skin contact. She and Alex had been intimate for a few weeks now, but they hadn't had much chance to be spontaneous. This was spontaneous and a little bit risky. The thought of Caroline, Rebecca, or worse yet, Trevor walking in on them was terrifying to her, but there was no way she was about to stop what Alex was doing.

"I'd like nothing more than to get you completely naked on this floor and covered in flour right now," Alex said. "But, unfortunately, we're going to have to be a little more discreet than that."

Olivia moaned at Alex's words. It drove her mad when Alex told her the things she wanted to do to her, couldn't at the moment. She filed away kitchen floor sex in flour for a later time.

"How quiet can you be?" Alex said.

Olivia's eyes shot open as Alex slipped her hands down the front of her pants. _Making out was one thing, but we're not actually going to? Ohhhh, I guess we are._

"Quieter than you, that's for sure, _Alexandra,_ " Olivia said.

#

When Caroline, Rebecca, Trevor, and Noah returned an hour later, Olivia and Alex were sitting in the living room with big smiles on their face. Olivia had managed to get most of the flour out of her hair.

"How did the cookies turn out?" Rebecca asked, smirking at them. She doubted there were any cookies.

"Cookie! Shit!" Alex said. They had gotten so distracted in the kitchen that they forgot the purpose for being there.

Caroline looked over at Rebecca to see her nearly in giggle fits, unsure of what was happening.

"Noah want cookie," Noah yelled, grinning at the idea of having cookies.

"Yeah, buddy, I think your moms are the only ones getting cookies tonight," Rebecca said and watched Olivia and Alex's mouths drop open.

All of a sudden it clicked for Caroline.

"Alexandra Caroline and Olivia Margaret, you did _not_ do what I think you did in _my_ kitchen," Caroline said. Her tone was firm, like when she had to discipline Noah when he stayed with her.

Both sat there with a guilty look on their face, Alex glaring at Rebecca.

"Mommas in trouble?" Noah asked, looking up at Caroline and tugging her hand.

"Oh yes, your mommas are in big trouble," Caroline said.

#

Olivia and Alex returned home on Sunday night, after spending the entire day doing "chores" for Caroline, and Olivia started her new gig at Community Affairs on Monday.

The SVU squad had finally started making progress on their cover-up and by the end of the week had enough evidence to indict three assemblymen, a councilman, two judges, as well as the two vice cops, and those involved from the Catholic church. All except the Bishop.

Liv had her job back, and Emma was cleared and got to keep her job. It was after that that she informed the DA's office of her plans to return to the ICC in a couple of months.

After Liv's first day back at the office, a happy reunion, she came home to find Alex already there, and Noah gone.

"Where's Noah?" Olivia said. She'd had a smile on her face all day, and Alex was happy that her first day back had gone well.

"Rebecca took him for the night. She owed me," Alex said. "Besides, we haven't had a date night with everything going on lately."

Olivia raised her eyebrows and walked over to pulled Alex in her arms and give her a kiss.

"Oh, yea?" Olivia said. "What exactly did you have in mind, Counselor?"

"Tonight," Alex said, biting Olivia's earlobe, "We're baking cookies."

Olivia let out a gasp that turned immediately into a grin. Alex turned around and took Olivia's hand pulling her to the kitchen.

"Oh, and tonight, it's not Counselor," Alex said. "It's _Alexandra_."


	95. Heartfelt Passages - Part 1

A/N: Intense chapter bc it covers a lot of the finale...the next one will be worse. I will have it up Saturday, hopefully in morning (West Coast Time). Here is your ANGST warning.

Emma-haters are going to hate her even more after this chapter. :-) (But our girls are fine)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HEARTFELT PASSAGES**

 _Monday, April 18_

"So, it's a been a few months now since we've been meeting together," Dr. Crimson said. "I think this is a good time for us to take some time to look at where you two are in your marriage. I want to hear how each of you is feeling about the other, about your marriage, and about the issues we've been working through."

Olivia and Alex sat on the couch in Dr. Crimson's office. They had been coming every week since they started and had kept up their homework of making time for dates and walks, even after they were given permission to make it non-mandatory. It had become a habit and something they both looked forward to.

Today, they were prepared for Dr. Crimson's question. She had told them last week to take some alone time during the week to figure things out and re-evaluate where they were versus where they wanted to be.

"I can go first," Alex said. "I think I've realized through this how much responsibility I bear for our issues. When Olivia pointed out that I didn't realize how bad things were until the townhouse incident, it stung me because it was true. I mean, I know we've talked about it, and have both apologized and forgive each other, but I just wish I had paid more attention. I think I've made Olivia feel like the brunt of the blame is on her, and it's not. We're equally guilty in this."

"Even Emma?" Crimson asked.

"Even Emma, or at least the situation that led to it," Alex said. "But that doesn't mean I've forgiven Emma for her part. I can't even stand to see her face or hear her name."

Olivia glanced over at Alex. She hadn't realized how much bitterness Alex was still holding toward Emma. She had thought that maybe Alex had let some of it go after everything caused Olivia to get transferred from SVU and then back. Alex had surprised her during that time. Not because she was supportive of her, but because she didn't take the opportunity to blame Emma anymore for their situation.

"Have you thought about talking to Emma?" Crimson said.

"No," Alex said. "I don't want to talk to her, and I told her as much when she tried to talk to me."

"Olivia, how does that make you feel?" Crimson said.

"I feel like that is Alex's decision," Olivia said. "I feel guilty, still, of course."

"Don't, Liv," Alex said. "I've forgiven you, and like I said, I practically pushed you to her. My anger isn't about you. It's about her betrayal. I hurt you, and you sought out companionship. But Emma, she had no reason to come into our marriage like that."

Olivia nodded. She wasn't sure Emma deserved all of the anger that Alex had toward her (mostly because of her own guilty), but she would never say that out loud. And, if it came down to it, she would always side with Alex and support her, whether she understood it or not.

"But, as for Liv," Alex said. "I still love her. Maybe more than ever now because I know what it feels like to nearly lose what we have. Same with our marriage. Right now, I'd say our relationship is getting stronger each day, and I feel like we're not taking it for granted like we have in the past.

"And like I said, when it comes to our issues, I just want to acknowledge to you, Liv, that I'm guilty, too, and I'm so sorry. I will never ever shut you out like that again."

"Olivia?" Dr. Crimson said. "How are you feeling?"

"I agree with Alex that our marriage is getting stronger," Olivia said. "We came so close to losing it, and I came so dangerously close to losing Alex, my marriage, my family, my job, and everything I've worked toward, all because of this. And I never want to feel that way again. I never want to be afraid of losing you, Alex. I love you more than I ever have, and I think this is going to make us better people going forward.

"I obviously still have a lot of guilt about Emma," Olivia said. "But those feelings I had have gone. Alex and I have both been proactive about making each other a priority, and Emma and I have an unspoken understanding that we interact as little as possible and only about work. We get along fine when we do, but it's helpful not to have to see her as much. I am also a little grateful she is returning to the ICC. I think it will help Alex and me not to have to see her and be reminded of everything."

"How do you feel about what Alex said? Her part in this?" Crimson said.

"Well, I don't want her to continue feeling guilty," Olivia said. "But it does mean something to hear her acknowledge again that it took both of us to get her. She isn't responsible for Emma. That is all me, but it means a lot to hear you say it, Alex. And I do forgive you, and love you."

"And you really don't have an opinion about whether Alex should talk to Emma?" Crimson asked. "I mean, I agree it is their issue to solve, but you have to think something."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak but didn't know what to say.

"Liv, it's okay, just say what you feel," Alex said.

"In an ideal world, none of this would have ever happened," Olivia said. "But I guess I would like it if they could at least talk about things. Not for my benefit, but because I see the hurt and anger in Alex's eyes every time she has to see Emma. Even if just in passing. And I don't want her to keep hurting like that because of my mistake.

"But, like I said, it is an issue between them, and I've worked out my side with each of them. I will support whatever Alex wants and decides. I can't imagine how she must feel, and how she must have felt all of those months."

"Well, you both have come a long way," Crimson said. "You are communicating well and have accomplished so much. You should celebrate that because a lot of marriages don't survive the kind of issues you all have worked through."

#

 _Thursday, April 21_

"When the indictment against Munson does come down, we're going to need SVU to walk both of us out of here," Barba said to Olivia and Dodds after being in Grand Jury all day.

The three of them, as well as Emma, and conferred while waiting to hear the decision by the grand jury on whether to indict a long-time correctional officer, Munson, for the rape of current and former inmates at Riker's. Both Barba and Emma had been getting a lot of pressure from the corrections union as well as City Hall. The last thing they needed was another high-profile case where officers of the law were involved. After the sex trafficking ring, and unjustified shooting of an unarmed black kid and now this, Barba and Emma were seen as public enemy number one by most of law enforcement, aside from SVU.

"Walk you out?" Olivia said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Barba said. "Tensions are just high right now."

Out on the courthouse steps, a crowd of COs had gathered. Barba had been right. No one was happy with them. Olivia and Dodds pushed through and tried to reason with them. When they were finally able to break free, a man walked up behind Emma.

"Bailey, you don't know me, or who I am, but we know a lot about you, things people would want to know," the man said quietly.

"Is that a threat?" Emma said. "It takes a lot of balls to threaten a woman."

"Threat? No, a threat would be me shoving you down these steps right now, your cracked skull open bleeding to death."

"In front of all of these people? Maybe they wouldn't save me but they sure as hell would catch you," Emma said. She pulled out a business card and started writing on it. "Let me make this easy for you. You want to kill a DA in front of all these cops and camera, spend the rest of your life in prison? Be my guest. Better yet, here's my home address. Come by whenever you like."

The man took the card and slipped off before Barba, Olivia, and Dodds joined her again.

"Are you okay?" Olivia said, noticing the color had drained from Emma's face.

"Yeah, it's nothing," Emma said. "I mean, well, some random guy in the crowd just threatened my life, but it's okay. Just tell the squad to watch their backs, and same for your Barba."

"This is just the beginning," Barba warned.

#

 _Monday, April 25_

"Congratulations, Dodds," Rollins said. "I know it took us a while to warm up to you, but we really are going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss SVU, too," Dodds said. It was his last day on the job before joining the Joint Terrorism Task-Force.

"Hey, guys, that was Lisa Munson," Olivia said, coming over to where everyone was eating cake to celebrate Dodds. "We need to do a clothes job and give her some support to get out of there. Munson already made bail and made it back home before she could get herself and the kids out."

"You want me to go with you?" Carisi asked.

"I'll do it," Fin said.

"You know what? I'll go," Dodds said.

"You're packing up, it's your last day," Olivia said.

"A guy like that sees a Sgt. and a Lt., he'll listen," Dodds said.

Just then Olivia turned her head to hear the sound of familiar clicking coming down the hall. She'd know that sound anywhere. Alex was here.

"Hey, I just wanted to come by and congratulate Dodds and see if you wanted to get some lunch today," Alex said.

"Actually, Dodds and I are heading out on a clothes job in a few minutes, but maybe we can have dinner tonight after..." Olivia said. They were supposed to meet with Dr. Crimson since it was Monday.

"Good idea," Alex said.

A second set of clicking heels began to make a noise. The sound was a bit louder than Alex's, and again, Olivia knew exactly who was coming.

"Bailey, it's good to see you, counselor, " Carisi said when he saw Emma walk in.

Alex turned her head and saw Emma. She fought the urge to roll her eyes and Olivia squeezed her hand gently to remind her she was there for her.

"You, too," Emma said. "I just came to tell Dodds goodbye and offer congrats on JTT."

"Thank you," Dodds said. "I hear you're leaving us soon, too."

"I am," she said. "This should be my last case."

"Well, it's been a pleasure working with you," Rollins said. "Would you like some cake?"

"I shouldn't but I've never been one to pass up temptation," Emma said. It was an innocent comment. The girl loved her cake.

"Hmph," Alex said. "No kidding." _Crap, did I say that out loud?_ Olivia's eyes got big when she heard what Alex sai, and the squad room quietened, unsure what to say.

"Excuse me, Alex?" Emma said. She was tired of Alex being passive aggressive the few times she has been around her. She had texted and called Alex several times, even left notes for her, offering to talk and to apologize. She had grown frustrated because she wanted to clear the air before she left the country again, even if it meant Alex would never forgive her.

"You heard me," Alex said flatly.

"If you have something to say to me, Alex, maybe you just need to say it rather than being a passive aggressive baby. We're all mature adults here," Emma said.

"Not here, please," Olivia warned.

"Mature adults?" Alex yelled as she moved toward Emma. Olivia stepped in front of her. "Mature adults don't try to sleep with their friends' wives!"

"Alex!" Olivia yelled. She was mortified this was happening in front of her squad.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't been a cold-hearted _Ice Princess_ bitch to your wife, none of this would have happened!" Emma shouted back.

Alex lunged toward Emma with Olivia grabbing her and wrapping her arms around her and pushed her back

"EMMA! Get out!" Olivia growled at Emma and then turned toward her squad. "Get her out of here now!"

Fin moved toward Emma and put his hand on her back. She angrily snatched up her bag and let him lead her out of the squad room. Both her and Alex burning holes into each other as she left.

Alex finally went and sat in someone's chair.

"Carisi, can you see that she gets back to her office ok? Dodds, let me grab my bag from my office and we'll go," Olivia said.

She walked into her office and grabbed her bag, pausing just for a moment to rub her eyes until she heard a voice at the door.

"Women, huh?" Fin said. She looked up, and he was grinning.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Don't let Alex hear you say that."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Fin said. "For what it's worth, I'd have put my money on Alex in there."

#

Emma left the squad room and headed back to the courthouse. She had told Barba she'd catch up with him later, but she needed to get a warrant signed by a judge. She had some calls to make about her upcoming position with ICC and was hopeful that this would be her last case with the DA's office so she and Jennifer could start packing for the Netherlands. After today, she knew leaving the DA's office had been the right decision.

She entered the elevator in the courthouse and before the doors closed, the man from the courthouse steps got on. It took a lot of scare Emma, especially after the things she witnessed and dealt with in the Congo, but this - this scared her because they were all alone.

"A second later, I would have missed you," the man said as Emma looked up and realized who it was.

"What do you want? Who sent you?"

"That's the thing, Emma, you've made so many enemies in your short time here. Cops. Priests. Judges. DAs. COs. Criminals. Oh, and let's not forget the woman whose wife you were getting cozy with. You have no way of knowing, do you? Same way you won't hear the bullet that's coming for you."

The elevator doors opened, and the man ran off. Emma hit the alarm and let the court officer know that the man had just threatened an NYC ADA and that the building should be locked down.

#

At the Munson residence, Olivia and Dodds had reasoned with Gary and Olivia had finally got the kids outside to the car. Had the kids not been there, she would have stayed and not left Dodds alone, but Gary was beginning to be argumentative with Lisa and Olivia didn't want the kids to hear more of it. Dodds nodded for her to go on, that he would take care of Lisa. Olivia would get the kids to the car and let Dodds get Lisa out right after.

As soon as the door was closed, Gary grabbed Lisa and pulled a gun on Dodds. When Olivia returned, she found the door locked and called Dodds inside the house.

"Mr. Munson, we all want the same thing," she said. "I need for you to let Dodds and your wife leave right now, okay?"

"Why are you still here?" Munson said to Dodds after ending the call with Olivia. "You don't have to be the hero."

"I'm not going to leave, Gary," Dodds said. "Not without Lisa."

Outside the house, Olivia called for ESU and SVU to come out to the scene. Experiencing another hostage situation was overwhelming for Olivia.

Once more units were on scene, she called Alex.

"Liv, if you are calling about earlier -" Alex said.

"No, Alex," Olivia said. "Dodds was taken hostage. I'm safe, but he's in the house with Munson and his wife. I just want you to know what is happening in case you hear about it, and we probably need to reschedule our counseling tonight."

"Okay, of course," Alex said. "Liv, please stay safe. I love you."

"I love you, too, and I'll see you tonight. I promise."

#

Back at the DA's office, Emma met with Barba, Rollins, and Carisi about her latest threat. Security footage from the elevator was in, and she ID'd him as the man who threatened her twice now.

"So outside the courthouse was the first threat you received?" Rollins asked.

"From him? Yes," Emma said. The three of them gave he a confused look, and she sighed. "I've been getting threats all year."

"What kind of threats?" Barba said. He was used to DAs getting occasional threats, but he was surprised Emma hadn't said anything.

"Hang-ups, mostly, on my cell, from burners, a few texts, a few notes," Emma said.

"Okay, we're running this photo through facial recognition. I'll call intel and get you a security detail," Rollins said.

"Is there someone there you trust?" Emma asked.

Everyone stopped and looked at her. There was something she hadn't told them.

"The threats started after we indicted the three cops who shot Terrance Reynolds, the unarmed kid," Emma said.

"Yeah, I got some after that, too," Barba said. "But none since. Yours continued?"

"Yeah, and then they got more frequent after the sex trafficking ring thing," Emma said.

"I'm calling Benson," Barba said, which prompted a head roll from Emma. Olivia was the last person that needed to be worried about her, especially after the scene in the squad room earlier.

"Lt. sorry to bother you, but we got a situation here," Rollins said after calling Olivia.

"Yeah, well I have a situation here, too. Munson is holding Dodds and Lisa in the house, and I think that he's armed," Olivia said.

#

No one could have been prepared for what happened. Olivia questioned herself. Her decisions. _Why didn't she send Dodds out with the children? Why didn't they search him for weapons?_ Olivia told herself that she was to blame.

When Chief Dodds sobbed in her arms after telling her the news that his son was brain dead and wouldn't recover, everything Olivia thought she knew about the job went out the door.

When she made the long walk down the white corridor, her squad and Alex staring back at her, waiting for answers, she kept telling herself this wasn't real. It wasn't happening. She never even told them. Her eyes and the look on her face said everything.

Sgt. Dodds was dead.

#

 _Wednesday, April 27_

The funeral happened quickly, just two days later. Everything had been a blur for Olivia and Alex. Alex didn't know what to say, but she held Olivia each night as she cried over Dodds, blaming herself. Alex told her over and over that it wasn't her fault. She couldn't have known what was going to happen, but Olivia didn't believe it. For as long as she had been a cop, she should have known better. They should have searched Munson. _This one is on me_ , she kept telling Alex.

After the funeral, much of the NYPD gathered inside a pub to celebrate Mike Dodd's like and dedication to the job. Emma even made it out, one of the few times she had been without a personal escort since the latest threat.

Carisi made his way over to Emma. He wanted her to know that even though they hadn't arrested the man who threatened her yet, they had unit posted on his block. They would get him.

"I'm not worried," she said. "Not in here."

She picked up her shot glass and toasted with Carisi and Barba before pulling out her phone to check her messages. She was surprised to see a recent new text message from Alex. She looked up and glanced across the room where Alex was sitting with Olivia, unsure about whether she should bother reading the message.

 _Emma - We should talk. I have a witness to prep on the stand this evening, how about before then? Courtroom #6 at 4 pm? - Alex_

Emma was surprised by the message, and looked up again toward Alex. This time, they made eye contact and Alex nodded, as did Emma. She also replied and said she would be there.

"Sweetheart, I have a witness prep tonight before we start trial tonight," Alex said to Olivia. "Is it okay if I take off?"

Olivia smiled and nodded yes. Alex had barely left her side since the shooting. She was fighting hard not to push Alex away after something as devastating as this. In the past, she's certain that she would have, but not this time. She relished the fact that, even through the tragedy, they were getting closer.

#

Emma pushed open the door to the courtroom right at 4 o'clock that afternoon. She saw Alex sitting at the prosecutor's table writing notes on a legal pad, obviously to the fact that she was there.

She cleared her throat, so as to not startle her.

"Alex," Emma said.

Alex turned around, and their eyes met. "Emma."

Alex really hadn't planned on ever talking to Emma again. In fact, before the shooting, she couldn't wait for Emma to leave the country. She still couldn't wait, but death always had a way of putting things into perspective. At the very least, just for her own good, she wanted to say what she needed to say to Emma, tell her how much she had hurt her, and be done with it and move on.

Emma walked slowly toward Alex, taking a seat at the defense's table across from Alex. The irony of Alex sitting at the prosecutor table, and Emma sitting at the defendant's table wasn't lost on either of them.

"I hate you," Alex said. "I really hate you."

"Uh, that's why you asked me to come? I could have already guessed that much," Emma said.

"Oh, stop it, Emma," Alex said. "I'm trying to say that I much as I'd like to hate you forever, we have to get past this. I need to and want to let it go."

"I'd like that, too," Emma said. "I'm sorry that I betrayed our friendship. I care about you a lot."

"Then why?" Alex said. "Why on earth would you do this to me?"

"Alex, I didn't do this _to_ you," Emma said. "Neither did Olivia."

"Well, it sure the hell feels like someone did something to me," Alex said. "Namely, like you ripped my heart out."

"And I'm sorry that it happened," Emma said. "If I could take it back, I would. But you know what I wonder about? What would have happened to you and Olivia if it didn't happen?"

"Oh, so now you want a medal?" Alex said. She had hoped to remain calm, but she was struggling at this point. "What, I should be thanking you for trying to fuck my wife."

"You know what, Alex? I'm tired of your crap," Emma said. "You keep saying I tried to steal your wife or tried to fuck your wife. I didn't try anything. Olivia and I were as surprised as anyone else at how things turned out. We didn't realize it was happening, and I certainly didn't plan it."

"Says the women who wooed my wife with Shakespeare quotes in my own home under my nose while I was working my ass off," Alex said. "You tired of breaking up marriages in New York and thinking you'll try it in the Netherlands now?"

"You know what? If I'd actually tried to fuck Olivia, who knows what she would have done. I might have succeeded. She certainly wasn't getting it from you, and she deserved more than how you were treating her."

"Fuck you," Alex said. "This was a bad idea, and you need to leave."

"Wow. That's a lot of drama for two DAs."

Alex and Emma turned their head to see a man standing in the back of the courtroom with a gun - Heredio, the man who had threatened Emma. He put handcuffs on the door to lock it behind him.

"What the?" Alex said.

"Oh, no one is leaving right now," he said. "We have some business to take care of, and it seems you do, too."

 _To Be Continued..._

* * *

A/N 2: Like I said...part 2 will come quickly. Just need to sleep a bit tonight. But the next chapter will be intense. Warning you now.


	96. Heartfelt Passages - Part 2

A/N: Thanks for reading. It's long and angsty and sad, but worth it, I hope. I apologize for editing errors. More notes at bottom.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: HEARTFELT PASSAGES - PART 2**

" _Oh, no one is leaving right now," Heredio said. "We have some business to take care of, and it seems you do, too."_

Alex looked over at Emma, who took a sharp breath. All of the colors had drained from her face. Alex had never seen the confident Emma look so shaken and scared.

"You only have business with me, not her," Emma said firmly. "Look, just let her go and we can talk about this."

"You think by not saying her name I won't figure out who she is?" Heredio said. "ADA Alexandra Cabot. Bureau Chief of Hate Crimes and the wife of SVU's Lieutenant Benson. You're acquainted with Lt. Benson, aren't you, Emma?

"Oh, that's right. You are familiar with Lt. Benson, maybe just as much as Alex here is."

Alex closed her eyes and clenched her teeth.

"Like I said, your issue is with me," Emma said. "Let Alex go."

Heredio laughed and pushed off the door, walking toward them.

"Let Alex go? Are you kidding? See, I followed you in here, hoping to get you alone - to finish our business - and I happen upon both of you. I couldn't have planned it better myself," he said. "Two bright shining stars of the DA's office. Two women who I'm sure the SVU squad would be willing to do anything to save. Oh, I'm not letting either of you go until I'm done. I hit the jackpot today."

"Do you have a death wish?" Alex said. "You can't expect to hold two DAs hostage and get out of here scott-free."

"Oh, I have no intentions of getting out of here," Heredio said. "We've been planning this too long and I'm more than willing to go to take my chances with prison. My employer has good lawyers."

"What do you mean you've been planning this for a long time? Who do you work for?" Alex said. "Emma, what is he talking about?"

"Oh, your wife didn't tell you about the threats Emma's been getting since last year?"

Alex snapped her head to look at Emma.

"Olivia doesn't know," Emma said. "Well, didn't until yesterday."

"What? Why wouldn't you tell her?" Alex said. "What is wrong with you?"

"Because, I didn't think much of it at first," Emma said. "And then when it got worse, right before I was put on leave, I didn't want to say anything because I had already caused enough problems in your marriage."

"Then tell someone else!" Alex said.

"I didn't trust anyone else," Emma said. "The threats started after we indicted the cops for shooting Terrance Reynolds. I didn't know who to trust."

Alex's phone dinged with a text message.

"Oh, someone wants to talk to you, let's see who it is," Heredio said. He walked over and took both their phones. He picked up Alex's phone and read the text out loud.

 _Alex - Thought I could meet you when you're done with witness prep and we could go out for dinner. Meet you at court room or your office? Lucy said to take our time tonight. I love you. - Liv_

"Isn't that sweet? I bet it's nice to have a doting wife, huh?" he said.

Alex looked away, refusing to make eye contact. "How did you get in here with a gun?"

"Funny thing about that," he said. "All you need to do is just over power one court officer, take their gun, and you get free reign. Don't worry, he'll probably live when he wakes up."

Emma's phone dinged with a text message, and Heredio picked it up and read the message out loud.

"Oh, look, this one is from Olivia, too," he said. Alex rolled her eyes and gave Emma a disgusted look.

 _Em - Carisi said you took off from the bar. Are we still on to review your open cases today? Call me. - Liv_

"Reviewing cases? Is that what you're calling it, _Em_?" he said, emphasizing Emma's shortened name for Alex's benefit.

"Fuck you," Emma said.

"Yeah, maybe later," he said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make call. Why don't you two sit over there in front of the jury box, so I can keep an eye on both of you."

They did what he said, and watched him as he moved across the room and made a phone call, never taking his eyes off of them.

"This is just fucking great," Alex said.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Emma said. "This shouldn't have happened."

"You're sorry? For what exactly? For falling in love with my wife or for getting me taken hostage by a crazy gunman?" Alex said.

"Both," Emma said and sighed.

Alex looked over at her, having never seen this side of Emma. She was scared still, even if she was being defiant to Heredio. She also looked defeated. Alex sighed.

"This - today - isn't your fault," Alex said. "But the rest of it...I just can't believe I ever trusted you. And then you have the nerve to say those things to me. Today. In the squad room Monday. I mean, who the hell do you think you are?"

"I was wrong," Emma said. "I shouldn't have said those things the other day or today. I just was frustrated because you wouldn't talk to me. But I know why. I understand. You hate me. And you have every right to hate me."

Alex just shook her head and looked away. She didn't have anything to say.

"Alex, look, I will never forgive myself," Emma said. "I fucked up. I was so confident that it was nothing. So cocky that I could have my cake and eat it, too. That I could have Olivia in my life and continue down that road, and not have to ever face what was happening right in front of me.

"I don't expect you to ever forgive me, and with what I've said to you, you probably won't believe me now," Emma said. "But I'm going to say it anyway. I never intentionally did this. Neither did Olivia. It just happened...and since we never crossed the line, it was so easy to pretend it really was nothing.

"I was foolish. You know, at first, you were working so much and I just wanted to be supportive. To help out and make sure the two of you had time together. But you never did, and do you have any idea how much that hurt Olivia? I sat there and just watched the spirit in her die every time you shut her out. And it didn't help that she and I got along so well, had so much in common. She was lonely and so I was I. I was trying to figure out how to integrate back into life in New York after 10 years in the Congo. The life I knew here before was gone. And then you invited me to stay with you and I was so happy to have someone from both parts of my life, someone who understood. But you weren't around and Olivia and I became friends. And then I started to rely on her, and she me. And yes, I'm am cocky. And I'm a bitch. And I fell in love with my friend's wife, but please know, I didn't plan it. It was never my intention to steal Olivia from you. I would have never."

"But you did anyway, didn't you?" Alex said, eyes filled with tears. "I mean, do you know that just a few months ago, she was ready to leave me? That she didn't see an 'us' anymore? And even though we're working through it, and I've forgiven her for _you_ , I can't help but wonder if one day she'll regret her choice."

"Alex, there's only one choice for Olivia," Emma said. "It's you. It's always been you. It'll always be you. No one could ever compete with that."

Alex scoffed like she didn't quite believe it.

"You know, when Olivia and I talked and decided to end our friendship, I wouldn't let her say it first," Emma said. "I wanted to be the one to say it. And not because I didn't think she could say it. I knew she could. But because I needed to say it for me. I needed to be the one to let go and make myself believe it. I thought if I did it, it'd be easier on me.

"But it wasn't. And that's how I know that even if Olivia had strong feelings for me, they didn't match what she felt for you. And they didn't match what I felt for her, but was unwilling to admit. Because I was crushed. Devastated. I couldn't bare to be in the same room with her. I asked Barba to take warrants for me, make calls, interview suspects. Because I couldn't look at her and not miss her. And I couldn't look at her and not feel guilty for what I had allowed myself to feel.

"But it wasn't like that for her," Emma said. "She carried on. I mean, I'm sure it hurt a little, but she picked herself up and went back to being Lt. Benson. She wasn't the one that was devastated. I was. You when she was devastated? When she'd ask you to go away and you'd refuse. When she'd try to plan a nice dinner for you two, and you'd be home late for work. When she had a bad day at work, and you didn't even ask how her day was. You devastate her. Not me. And that's why I know that even if I had wanted to, I could never compete with you.

"But you're right," Emma said. "I did fall in love with her. But it's _because_ I loved Olivia that I would have never, ever, crossed the line and slept with her. Because that would have destroyed her, betraying you like that. And I couldn't be responsible for that."

"What you did was maybe worse, though," Alex said. "I mean if it had just been sex...that I could try to maybe understand."

"I know," Emma said. "Or at least I know that now, and I suspect that Olivia does, too. It's just so hard to see when you're in the middle of it, denying it even exist. Sex can't be denied, but feelings, well, you can keep those hidden forever if you want."

"What are you two talking about over there?" Heredio said. "Don't tell me you're buying that bullshit she's feeding you."

They ignored him and continued sitting on the floor.

"You know what, let's call Lt. Benson," Heredio said. "I'm sure she'd love to know the woman she loves is going to die soon. Of course, I'll let the two of you figure out which one of you it is she loves."

He picked up Alex's phone and scrolled to find Olivia's name.

 _Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail._

#

Olivia was in the squad room when her phone rang. She was in the process of telling the squad to go home for the day when her phone rang. Everyone deserved it and they would be called if there was an emergency. She saw it was Alex and hit the silence button. She'd call her back in just a minute once everyone was gone. She couldn't wait until the day ended and she could go home and curl up in bed with Alex.

#

"Looks like someone is too busy for her wife," Heredio said. "Here's let's see if she'll answer her girlfriend's phone call."

 _Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Hey, babe, I was just getting ready to call you," Olivia's voice came through the speakerphone on Emma's phone.

#

As soon as everyone was leaving, Olivia was getting ready to pull her phone back out to call Alex, but it rang before she could dial. She assumed it was Alex calling back and answered without looking.

#

" _Babe_? Well, it looks like you don't have time for your wife's call, but you can certainly answer when your girlfriend calls," Heredio said out loud. "How are you, Lt. Benson?"

"Wha -? Alex? I thought...," Olivia pulled the phone away to look at it. _Emma. Shit._ "I thought it was Alex calling back. Who the hell is this?"

"It doesn't matter who I am," he said. "What matters is who I'm with...and right now I'm standing here with a gun on both Alex and Emma."

Olivia gasped, and her stomach dropped. She grabbed Fin as he was walking by her on her way out, and mouthed the word _Alex_ to him. She put the phone on speaker while Fin motioned for Carisi and Rollins not to leave yet.

"Where are you?" Olivia said calmly. "And what have you done with them?"

"If I told you where we were, that wouldn't be any fun," he said. "And I haven't done anything with them yet. I'm still trying to figure out how this should play out."

Olivia grabbed a piece of paper and wrote the word _courthouse_ on it. She knew Alex was supposed to meet with a witness this afternoon. Fin nodded and called ESU, while they all made their way quietly out of the squad room, Olivia following with them.

"At first I thought I'd just kill them both. I mean, I'm going to prison anyway," he said. "But then I thought maybe I should get a little more creative. Make it a murder-suicide. You know, a scorned woman kills her wife's lover before taking her own life. How does that sound, Lt. Benson?"

Olivia could barely breathe as she listened to him talking, thinking about Alex. They had to get there. They had to save her. She whispered to Fin as they rushed down the street toward the courthouse.

"He has Alex and Emma," Olivia said. "He's threatening to kill them both."

"Liv, don't worry," Fin said. "If I have to bust in there myself and take this motherfucker out, we'll get Alex out of there alive."

Olivia wanted to believe that, but after Monday, after burying Dodds earlier that day, she wasn't sure if she could believe anything anymore.

"Listen, to me, if you so much as lay a hand on Alex, I will kill you," Olivia said. "You may think you're a big, tough guy, but I have the biggest gang in the city behind me."

"What about poor Emma?"

"What about Emma?" Olivia asked.

"You said if I lay a hand on Alex," he said. "Emma doesn't matter to you anymore?"

"Don't touch either of them or I will kill you myself," Olivia said.

"What do you two think?" Heredio said, turning his focus back to Alex and Emma and away from the phone, even though he still left it on so Olivia could hear. "Come on, Alex; you hate this woman. I'm going to give you the chance to kill her. If you don't fight me on, I'll even let you live."

"Screw you," Alex said. "I'm not going to shoot Emma."

"Why? You almost lost your wife to her?" he said. "I mean, she nearly took everything you had. Your wife. Your marriage. Your family. Didn't she almost even cost Benson her job? You know you hate her. You said it. Why not take her life, like she did yours?"

"She didn't take my life," Alex said. "I'm still here, and my marriage is better than ever. So whatever you're trying to do, get inside my head, it's not going to work."

"So you're willing to die for her?" Heredio said. "I mean, I'm giving you an out. You either kill her, or I kill you both."

"I am not going to kill anyone," Alex said. "Not even Emma. I'm not like you."

"Alex..." Emma whispered.

Alex turned her head to Emma and gave her a look like she was crazy.

"No! Don't _Alex_ me," Alex said. "He's trying to get inside my head. Look, you may have hurt me badly, but I'd never want you dead. Regardless of this mess that we all got ourselves in, I'd never wish that."

"Oh, good grief," Heredio said. "What about you, Emma? Want to make a deal? Your life for hers?"

"Fuck you," Emma said. "You'll have to kill me before you get near Alex."

#

Olivia was with ESU set up outside the courtroom. She could hear every word being said and it made her stomach crawl. She knew neither of them would be willing to pull the trigger on the other, regardless of how they may feel. But it didn't make her feel any confident that he wasn't going to kill the two of them anyway.

"Do we have the security camera feed from inside yet?" Olivia asked. She had muted her phone and walked over to where ESU had monitors set up.

"Right here. You can see but not hear what's happening," the tech said.

"That's okay, they have me on speakerphone, so I have audio," she said.

"Great, keep your phone muted so they can't hear what we're saying, but we'll stay right here and monitor what's happening," he said.

By this point, all of SVU, Barba, and Captain Tucker from IAB had gathered in front of the monitors to watch the scene unfold.

"What's he saying?" Barba asked. "Who does he work for?"

"He hasn't said yet," Olivia said. "Though, he did just make a phone call. We couldn't hear though because he moved away from Emma's phone. Right now he's trying to taunt them into killing each other."

"Sick bastard," Fin said. "Liv, just say the word and I will be in there."

"Too dangerous. He's got the door locked with handcuffs," the ESU Captain said. "By the time we could bolt in and shoot, he'd have time to get off at least one shot. Besides, this is ESU's call and not SVU's."

"That is my wife in there so you better believe that I will be making the calls," Olivia said. "I don't care what you have to do to get her out alive. Do it."

"We're working on getting someone in through chambers, but he's got that locked up, too," ESU Cap said. "He must have done that ahead of time."

"Right now, the best thing we can do is stay on the line with them and get a negotiator," he said.

"I'll do the negotiating," Olivia said.

"Lt. Benson, you cannot do that," he said. "You're not a negotiator, and you're too personally involved with both women."

She glared at him. She didn't like what he was implying, even if it was true.

"I'll do it," Tucker said. "I'm trained. I know both victims, and Olivia trusts me."

ESU Cap looked at Olivia, who nodded her approval.

"Fine, but if you go outside of policy, I'm pulling you," he said.

#

"So you really never slept with her wife?" Heredio asked. He was pacing around impatiently. He was seemingly waiting on a call from someone before he made his next move. "I mean, I've seen Lt. Benson. Why wouldn't you?"

"Can we leave Lt. Benson out of this?" Emma said. "This is about you and me. Not her. Not Alex. You and me."

"Sure, we could leave Lt. Benson out of it, but I've clearly struck a nerve with you two," Heredio said. "And it's kind of fun watching you squirm."

"You're an asshole," Alex said.

"Yeah, but I didn't engage in some sort of relationship with your wife," he said. "I mean, you won't shoot her, but why not hit her? She deserves that much, doesn't she? Besides, I'm getting bored with you two being civil to each other. It was more fun watching you fight when I came in."

He got up and walked closer to where they were sitting.

"Get up," he said to both of them pointing the gun at them. They both stood.

"Hit her. Smack her. Pull her hair. Come on, Alex, let her have it," Heredio said.

"I'm not going to do that," Alex said.

He moved closer to her, put his arm around her waist, and the gun to the back of her head.

"Oh, this time, you don't get an option," Heredio said. "Hit her or I put a bullet in your head. How would that cute little boy on the photo background of your phone feel about that?"

Emma was the one nearly in tears at this point. She looked at Alex and nodded, eyes pleading with her to do it.

Alex stood still. Then Heredio cocked the gun. "Do it."

Emma nodded again.

"Okay," Alex whispered, tears falling down her face. Heredio let her go and pulled the gun back.

"Go on," he said.

Alex closed her eyes and raised her open hand. She smacked Emma. _Hard_. She hadn't meant to smack her so hard, but in the moment, she thought of all the hurt and anger she had built up. Hurt and anger she had been trying to let go of, but that was still partially there. The smack left a red welt on Emma's face, who immediately cupped it with her own hand.

#

"Did Alex just smack Emma?" Carisi said, seeing the video from a distance.

"Heredio made her," Rollins said.

Olivia just stood there silently, mouth covered, and praying silently for this day to end better than Monday.

#

"Now, didn't that feel good?" Heredio said, smirking at Alex.

"Heredio," Tucker said from the phone. "This is Captain Tucker with NYPD. How can we resolve this peacefully? What do you want?"

"What do I want?" he said. "I want this bitch dead." He motioed toward Emma and pointed the gun at her.

"Okay, well, we don't want that to happen, but in the meantime, why don't you release Alex, as a good faith?" Tucker said.

"Not going to happen," Heredio said.

"Look, you want a car? Airplane? What is it?" Tucker said. "I'll work on whatever you need."

"I'm not stupid," he said. "I know as soon as I walk out of this courtroom, I'm dead. So leave me alone for now and let me have a little fun."

"I can't do that, Heredio."

"Fine, then let me talk to Lt. Benson again," he said.

Tucker exchanged a look with the ESU Captain, who shook his head.

"I'll follow the rules," Olivia said. "Just let me talk to him." The ESU Captain rolled his eyes and agreed.

"This is Lt. Benson here, again," she said. "What do you need Heredio? How can I help you?"

"How is it you got these two beautiful women to fall in love with you, Olivia?" he said. He was clearly stalling for some reason. They needed to figure out why. If he wanted to kill them, he'd have done it a long time ago. "I mean, I've seen you, don't get me wrong. But it hardly seems fair, you know?"

"Heredio, I'm here to help you," she said, ignoring his comments. She hated that her squad, Barba, Tucker, and the ESU Captain was standing there to hear all of it. "Let me help you. How about I come in there, and you let Alex go."

"There you go with Alex again," Heredio said. "Poor Emma. Did you know she's in love with you? Or she was anyway. I heard her tell your wife earlier. And yet, here you are, only concerned with Alex's safety."

"I'm concerned with both of their safety," Olivia said. "But your issue is with Emma, right? So let Alex go and you can have me."

The ESU Captain glared at her. That was not following policy, but Tucker put his hand up and told him to back off.

"Were you in love her?" Heredio asked.

"I'm not going to discuss my personal life with you," Olivia said. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you to answer my question, or I'll start shooting," he said. "I mean, you can see I'm getting a little antsy her waiting on my instructions. But you already know that, don't you? Do you know who I'm working for yet? Anyway, it doesn't matter. Now, answer my question, truthfully, or I shoot and don't tell you which one."

"No," Olivia said. "I wasn't in love with Emma. I'm in love with Alex. She's the only person I've ever been in love with."

"Hmm, I don't know whether to believe you," he said. "I mean, you sound sincere, and Emma said as much, too, but come on. You were never once tempted to at least sleep with her."

"Never."

Heredio's phone rang, and he put Emma's phone down and on mute while he took the other call.

"Lieutenant, we may have found a way to get in from the Judge's chamber," Carisi said. "We're getting a locksmith in here. He filled the lock with superglue or something, which is why the key didn't work. But the locksmith thinks he can get in quietly."

Olivia looked the ESU Captain who nodded it was okay.

"Okay, but I'm going with you," she said. "Get the vests. I'm not losing another person this week. And don't argue with me about going. Dodds was on me, and even if I can't make that right, I'm not going to let anyone die today."

SVU and ESU suited up in bulletproof vests and made their way back to the judge's chambers while the locksmith worked.

"Olivia, I'm back," Heredio said. "Are you still there?

"I'm here Heredio," she said. "Tell me what you need. Anything you need, I'll do my best to make it happen."

"That's the thing, the people I work for only want two things - they want Emma and SVU to suffer," he said. "Your squad has quite the history of causing trouble. Now, my boss doesn't care about the blonde, but I convinced him if he wanted SVU to suffer, why wouldn't we kill her instead of Emma? I mean, then Emma has that on her conscious, and you, well, so you do. And when the leadership suffers, so does the team."

Olivia swallowed and noticeably gasped. Both Emma and Alex could hear it through the phone.

"Like I said..." Olivia said.

"I know, you'll kill me if I touch either of them," he said. "But since my boss has given me free reign, and let's face it, at this point, I'm not leaving this room alive, I want to play a fun game. I want to find out if you were truthful with me earlier."

"What?"

"You know, when you said you only loved Alex. That you never were in love with Emma. We're going to find out just which one you love more."

Tucker's eyes widened at Olivia, and he shook his head, indicating her not to play his game. She nodded. She knew what Heredio was about to do.

"So choose," he said. "You chose who lives, who dies, and who gets to tell their story. If you chose, I promise I'll only kill one of them and not both."

"How do I know you won't kill them both?" she said.

"You don't," he said. "But are you willing to take that risk with the woman you love? Whichever one it is?"

"I can't do that," she said. "It's against policy. And I already told you. I love Alex. I don't love Emma."

"And I believe you, but I want to see if they believe you," he said. "So tell me which to save. It's that easy. You say a name and they live. You say nothing, and they both die."

Olivia muted the phone. "Do you have the goddamn lock open yet?!" she yelled at the locksmith.

"Yes, almost...now," he said.

"Benson, I know you want to save Alex, but you can't play his game," Tucker said. "Stall him if you can."

"And if I can't?" she said.

"Then make a decision that you can live with," Tucker said. "There are more important things than this job and our fucking _policies._ But know that even if you tell him to save Alex -"

"He may kill her anyway. He may do the opposite of whatever I say," Olivia said. "I know. I'll stall him."

"Olivia!" Heredio yelled. "Are you there? It's decision time. Which one is it?"

"Listen, just let me in there, and I'll tell you," Olivia said. "I can't do this out here with all these people." She lowered her voice so he'd think he didn't want the others to hear what she was saying. Of course, she knew they could, and they knew exactly what she was doing.

"Liv, don't do this!" Alex yelled. "Don't tell him anything. That's what he wants you to do."

"Shut up, bitch!" Heredio yelled back at Alex and pointed the gun at her.

"Olivia, which is it?" he said. "Tick tock."

"Okay, we can bust through the door and get a shot off, but Liv, you gotta know if he suspects anything, he could get a shot off first," Fin said.

"Do we have any better options?" Olivia asked.

Fin, Tucker, and the ESU Captain all shook their heads. This was their best bet. Olivia took a deep breath. "Okay, let's do it."

"Okay, Heredio," Olivia said. "I chose..." More stalling.

"Liv! He's going to shoot us both regardless, don't let him in your head!" Emma yelled.

"I told you all to shut up!" Heredio said, pointing the gun back toward Emma.

"I'm sorry, Heredio," Olivia said. "I am not going to answer that question."

"Too bad," he said. "I guess I get to choose for you which one dies first, and I choose to kill...Alex."

Heredio squeezed the trigger right after he heard the back doors to the courtroom bust open.

"Noooooooo!" Emma yelled. She lunged in front of Alex, pushing her to the ground.

"Alex!" Olivia screamed as she ran into the courtroom and toward Alex.

A second shot was fired right after, and Heredio was dead on the ground.

When Olivia reached Alex, both women were covered in blood and on the ground. Olivia pushed Emma off of Alex and yelled for someone to help.

"Alex! Alex! Alex! Come on, sweetheart, wake up," Olivia said. She was checking for the gunshot wound. She didn't know Emma had jumped in the way.

"Emma...shot," Alex whispered. She had Emma's blood all over her front and a gash in her head, but Alex wasn't shot. "Go."

Olivia's eyes got big as she turned back toward Emma.

"Emma was shot. He shot Emma," Olivia said. She began to put pressure on Emma's would. She had been shot in the shoulder. "Call a bus!"

"I got it, LT," Carisi said. He ran over and put pressure on Emma's wound. "A bus will be here momentarily."

Olivia turned her attention back to Alex. There was nothing else she could do for Emma that Carisi wasn't and she wanted nothing more than to hold Alex at that moment.

Olivia was crying as she pulled Alex up into her arms. "Alex, I love you so much," Olivia said. "I couldn't...I mean, I wasn't allowed..."

"I know," Alex said, also crying. "You did the right thing. Emma...she pushed me out of the way. He was shooting at me."

The blood fell from Olivia's body. She wanted to pass out. How close had she come - again - at losing the woman she loved? She pulled Alex closer and hugged her, holding her until the EMTS arrived.

#

Olivia, Alex, and the others once again sad in a cold hospital waiting room. Jennifer was there, too. It was the second time this week they waited for news of whether a colleague would live or die. Emma was in surgery and she was fortunate the shot was through and through. Nothing appeared to be chipped, so unless there were complications with surgery, she should be okay. Of course, Dodds was supposed to be okay, too.

"Family of Emma Bailey?" the doctor said.

"I'm her girlfriend," Jennifer said. "She doesn't have any family here."

The doctor looked at the paperwork. "I have her emergency contact with the DA's office listed as Alexandra Cabot. Is she here?"

Alex raised up from Olivia's arm, where she had been since the doctors checked her out and let her go. Alex had been Emma's emergency contact when she first moved to NYC. Emma had never changed it.

Alex walked over. "I'm Alex Cabot. Any news you have for me, you can tell Jennifer."

"Okay, then Emma is going to be fine," he said. "She did lose a lot of blood, but the pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding probably saved her life. It was a clean shot. No chips or bullet fragments, so other than taking some time to heal, she should be okay."

"Oh, thank god," Jennifer said, hugging Alex. They walked back over to where everyone else was and gave them the good news.

"She'll be okay," Jennifer told them. "And thank you to whoever got there to put pressure on the wound. You saved her life."

"That was Liv," Carisi said.

"You did most of the work, Carisi," Olivia said. "But Alex was the one that told us it was Emma who was shot."

"Well, thank you," Jennifer said. "All of you. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find out when I can see her."

"I can't believe we're back here, again," Rollins said.

"I don't want to see the inside of a hospital again for a long time," Fin said.

#

A while later, Jennifer came out. "SHe's awake now and talking."

"Good," Rollins said.

Jennifer looked over at Olivia and Alex. "She's asking for you."

Everyone's eyes in the room went to Olivia, including Alex's, who gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Uh, um, I...ok," Olivia said.

"Actually, I meant Alex," Jennifer said. "She's asking for Alex."

"Oh," Alex said. "Okay." She got up and followed Jennifer to Emma's room. When they reached the room, Jennifer left Alex alone.

"Hey," Alex said as she walked slowly over to the bed. "I'm glad you're going to be okay. I, uh..."

"I'm sorry," Emma said. "I betrayed you. I'm sorry."

"Well, you did save my life," Alex said. "So, I think I can try to forgive you."

Emma smiled. "It was the least I could do."

"You could have died," Alex said. "I would never have wanted that. No matter what I was feeling. And I don't hate you."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did," Emma said.

"I know, but we have to move past this," Alex said. "We've seen too much tragedy this week, and we almost lost you. I don't know what moving past it looks like, but I don't want to hate you. I don't want to be bitter. I want to appreciate the life I have and move on."

"Thank you, Alex," Emma said. "For your grace and for trying to forgive me...whether you ever can or not."

"And thank you for saving my life," Alex said.

* * *

A/N 2: Phew!

SlashFFicReader asked a question about who I'd cast as Emma. Since a link won't work, just do a Google image search for "Abigail Spencer Suits." she plays Dana Scott (AKA Scotty) on Suites, one of Harvey's ex-girlfriends. She's pretty close to what I picture from Emma.

There will be follow up to this, of course. And yes, Emma is still leaving for ICC. She won't be an issue anymore. Liv and Alex are going to get some happy time and that delayed honeymoon coming up.

Thank you all for reviews and for reading, even when it got hard. Hopefully, the story paid off for you. Don't expect an update before Sunday evening though, I'm drained after the last two chapters.


	97. Aftermath

A/N: A little breather.

And I just want to say: Wow, thanks so much for all the comments on the last two chapters. It was fun to write, and I'm glad most enjoyed it. I did think about killing Emma, but...my thought was this: If I killed Emma, Alex may always wonder... So she lives and Alex always knows that Olivia chose her, and always will choose her.

I'll give 1-2 more chapter to this arc to tie up some things and before sending them off on honeymoon, and then do a time jump before ending it. I mean, we have to get to 100 chapters, right?

Then maybe I'll take a short break before working on something a little less angsty :)

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: AFTERMATH**

 _Saturday, April 30_

"I'm so tired," Alex said. "I mean, it's good to be out of the apartment, but I don't think I've ever felt this tired."

"It's better than numb," Olivia said.

"Oh, I feel that, too," Alex said.

Alex, Olivia, and Noah were taking a stroll near the Hudson on Saturday morning. It was the first time Alex had left the apartment since they got home after leaving the hospital on Wednesday night.

"I'm surprised either of us can walk after the week we've had," Olivia said. "Especially, you."

"You know, usually, when neither of us can walk, it's a good thing," Alex said. She turned her head slightly to watch Olivia's cheeks blush.

"At least you haven't lost your sense of humor," Olivia said.

"If I ever do that, you have permission to just lock me up," Alex said.

Noah guided the two women over closer to the water so he could see better. Both Alex and Olivia gripped his hand harder, not wanting to take any chances of him falling in.

"I talked to Jennifer this morning," Alex said. "She said Emma is doing well and will likely get to go home in about a week and a half. That is, unless she keeps pissing off the nurses. Apparently, she's the patient from hell when she's on painkillers."

"Good. I'm glad she's doing better," Olivia said. She smiled sheepishly at Alex.

They had spent much of the past two days talking about the courtroom incident, how each of them were feeling, but they hadn't talked yet about some of the things that had been said in there. It wasn't because they were avoiding it, but both understood they needed time to process the emotional toll of the week. Dodds' death was hard enough, but to be coupled with Alex being taken hostage and Emma getting shot, just two days later, it was nearly unbearable.

"It's okay for you to be concerned about her," Alex said. "I'm concerned about her."

"I know," Olivia said. "But Emma is doing well. She has Jennifer. She has good doctors, whose ass I'm sure she's kicking. But today, I am only concerned about you and Noah...and where we're going to go on our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon? Are you sure you can get away with Dodds and everything?" Alex asked.

"Yes," Olivia said. "I've already told the brass to get someone to fill in for two week. That is if you can get away."

"If? Liv, there is nothing that would keep me from it," Alex said. "Two weeks, huh?"

"Yeah, why?" Olivia said.

"It's just longer than I expected you to be able to take," Alex said. "It gives us a few more options."

"It does," Olivia said, grinning. "Noah, don't go off too far."

Noah was running back over toward some birds by a bench. Alex took Olivia's hand, and they walked to where he was.

"I know last year we talked about taking Noah with us some place, but he was younger then," Alex said. "Since he's comfortable at mom's place now, maybe we can go by ourselves?"

"You're such a romantic, Cabot," Olivia said. "Yes, I think just the two of us sounds like the best thing I've heard in a long time." They walked over and sat down on the bench in front of where Noah was playing.

"What do you think, Noah?" Olivia said. "Do you want to spend a couple of weeks with Grandma again?"

"Beach?" he said.

"Yes, Grandma will take you to the beach," Olivia said, laughing. "He's going to be a beach bum just like you, Al."

"You say that as if you don't enjoy seeing me in my bathing suit," Alex said.

"Guilty," Olivia said. "Am I correct to assume you want to go somewhere with a warm beach?"

"Actually, I had something a little different in mind," Alex said. "How do you feel about Paris?"

"Paris?" Olivia said as a huge grin came up on her face. She had always wanted to go to Paris. It was something her and Alex had talked about a number of times.

"Yeah, Paris," Alex said. "You've always wanted to go and I haven't been since the summer I graduated high school, so, what do you say?"

"I like it," Olivia said.

"Good," Alex said. "And for what it's worth, I fully expect that neither of us will be able to stand by the time we leave."

Alex leaned in and kissed Olivia until Noah tugged her hand. "Big doggie!"

"Yeah, that's a big doggie," Alex said.

"Noah want doggie," he said.

Olivia darted her eyes up to Alex and was relieved her eyes looked at surprised as Olivia's.

"How about we talk about getting a doggie when you get older, Noah?" Olivia said.

"Older?"

"Yes, older," Olivia said. "Now, how about I get you and mama some ice cream now?"

Noah nodded and took both of their hand again as they continued walking.

"Nice save," Alex said, quietly smirking at Olivia.

"Ice cream fixes everything," Olivia said.

#

"I hate I have to go into work tomorrow and leave you," Olivia said as they were having dinner Sunday night. "If it wasn't for..." _Dodds. If it wasn't for Dodds._

"I know, sweetie," Alex said. "And it's okay. Mom is coming tomorrow, and really, I don't even know why I have to take the whole week off. I wasn't the one who was shot."

"You were shot at and taken hostage by a crazy gunman," Olivia said. "So you're going to stay home, take care of yourself, and enjoy it." She got up to clear their plates and placed a firm kiss on Alex's cheek.

"Well, I may stay home and take care of myself, but I'm making no promises about enjoying it," Alex pouted.

"Don't forget you also need to make a solo appointment with Dr. Crimson, or get a referral," Olivia said.

"I know, I'll do it tomorrow when we see her," Alex said. "I'm going to get Noah his bath and settle him down for bed. Do you want to call it an early night and cuddle with me?"

"Always."

#

"Liv, do you want to talk about Wednesday, in the courtroom?" Alex said when they made it to bed that night.

They were both laying on their sides, talking, like they had countless nights before. When they first started dating, it was one of their favorite things to do - laying in bed and talking. It was their second favorite thing to do be bed, but it was still high up on the list of their favorite things.

"Okay," Olivia said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You and Emma," Alex said. "Well, I guess all three of us."

"Oh, um, okay," Olivia said.

"I know before all of this, before Dodds, before the courtroom, I said I hated Emma and didn't care if I ever saw her again. And that was true. I couldn't stand even hearing her name," Alex said. "But after Dodds died, everything just seemed less important. Grudges, you know? That's why Emma was in the courtroom with me that day. I texted her and asked to talk to her."

Olivia nodded. She decided that she was just going to listen and let Alex talk.

"The conversation didn't start well," Alex said. "It probably went about as poorly as that day in the squad room. But then Heredio came in and everything changed. Getting out of there alive became the most important thing and this feud seemed...I don't know, just not as important anymore.

"We talked about how she was feeling, how I felt, and while the details are not important, she did say some things that that were true. She pointed out how devastated you were when I didn't make time for us - whether it was to go away, or skipping dinner, or not asking how your day was. I know I told you how much responsibility I felt for our problems, but she made me realize that I left our marriage long before you ever did. And I'm sorry.

"But I'm happy we're here. And I'm glad that I am in a place to try and forgive Emma. The hurt toward her may not ever go away, but I don't want you to pretend like she didn't mean anything to you."

Olivia nodded.

"I meant it, you know?" Olivia said. "When I said I never was in love with her."

"I know," Alex said. "But you need closure with Emma. So I think you should go see her."

"Alex..."

"No, it's fine," Alex said. "I trust you, and I think you _both_ need closure. Otherwise, we'll never move on."

"Okay, I'll go tomorrow."

"Now, how are you doing about Mike?" Alex said. "You know you can't blame yourself forever, right?"

"Well, I can," Olivia said. "But I'm working on letting that go. Lindstrom is helping. So are you."

"And I'm going to keep reminding you," Alex said. "This isn't on you. Don't let it drag you down with it. I need you and Noah needs you."

"I know, and I'll make sure you keep me grounded," Olivia said. "Now, how about you start grounding me right now?"

Olivia wrapped her hand around Alex's waist, pulled her to her, and kissed her.

"My God, you're fun to kiss," Alex said.

"Someone has been reading," Olivia said.

"Well, I'm going to have to find something to do with my time for the next week," Alex said.

"I can think of a few things," Olivia said, kissing Alex again, moving on top of Alex

"Mommy kissy!" a small voice said from the bedroom door.

Olivia and Alex both screamed and then jumped at Noah's presence.

"How did he get out of bed?" Olivia said.

"I don't know," Alex said. "Come here, Noah. What are you doing out of bed?"

"I not sleepy," Noah said, crawling up in bed with them.

"But it's bedtime," Olivia said. "We go to sleep when it's bedtime."

"Mommy no sleeping," Noah said. "Mommy kissing."

Olivia and Alex blushed again. They had been fairly fortunately, never having been caught by Noah.

"Yes, I was kissing mama because I love her," Olivia said. "And I love you, too." She began tickling him and gave him a kiss on his head. Alex followed suit before taking Noah back to his bed and warning him not to get up again. She shut the door behind her when she came back.

"So, it seems we're going to have to start shutting the door," Alex said.

"So it seems."


	98. Goodbye

A/N: Notes at bottom.

* * *

 **BETWEEN THE SCENES: GOODBYE**

Olivia walked down the long corridor of the hospital. She hated hospitals in general, and she hated them more after the week they had.

Just a week ago, they were celebrating Sgt. Dodds transfer to JTT. He was happy. Alive. Getting married. A week ago, Dodds was alive. A week ago, no one had ever held a gun to Alex's head. A week ago, Emma had never been shot. A week ago, Olivia had hadn't known devastation and fear as she did now.

But in the midst of it, Olivia knew she had to move forward. She had to look for the small blessings, and not take anything for granted. As a cop, she knew that. She knew the dangers of the job, but when it happens to you, it sobering.

"Hey," Olivia said. She knocked lightly on the hospital room door. "Up for visitors?"

Emma looked up from her phone and to see Olivia smiling at her in the doorway.

"Of course," Emma said, returning the warm smile Olivia gave to her.

Olivia walked and took a seat next to Emma's hospital bed.

"I understand you're being a royal pain in the ass around here," Olivia said.

"I bet those dreadful nurses told you that, huh?" Emma said. "I am a pleasure."

"Well, I remember that time the dentist gave you some pain meds and let me tell you, you were anything but a pleasure to take care of," Olivia said.

"Well, I had a dreadful nurse then, too," Emma said, laughing.

Olivia laughed and then smiled. "I'm glad you're going to be okay," she said.

"Me, too," Emma said.

"So, what's the plan when you get out of here?" Olivia asked.

"I still plan to return to the ICC," Emma said. "It's just delayed a little. Jennifer is almost done with school for the summer, so instead of going to the Netherlands immediately, we're going to spend some time with her family until I get the all-clear to fly."

"You'll be back to kicking ass before you know it," Olivia said.

Emma smiled.

"So, we should probably talk, huh?" Olivia said.

"Liv, I don't want to cause any more problems for you," Emma said. "I've already done enough. I mean, I've almost cost you your marriage, your job, and Alex's life."

"But you didn't," Olivia said. "In fact, you saved Alex's life, and I can never express how grateful I am for that. It was a stupid thing to do from my cop brain's perspective, but as someone who loves their wife, thank you.

"But, I want to be clear about something - _you_ did not almost cost me my marriage or my job. I did that. I mean, yes, you were part of that, but I'm the one that allowed myself to...feel what I did for you. We both needed each other, and didn't consider what it was, and we made a mistake in letting it turn into something deeper than a friendship. But Emma, I don't blame you. I never blamed you."

"I guess you heard what Heredio said," Emma said.

"I did," Olivia said.

"I'm sorry," Emma said. "I never meant to fall in love with you."

"Well, I am kind of irresistible," Olivia said, smiling.

"Oh, who's cocky now?" Emma said.

"Seriously, though, it's okay," Olivia said. "I cared deeply about you, too. I even loved you to some degree, but I was never in love with you. Alex..."

"Alex is the woman you are in love with," Emma said. "The only woman you've ever been in love with. I know that. I've always known that. Heck, I knew that when Alex and I were in the Congo. I mean, the fact that you were willing to wait on her for so long while she was there...most people wouldn't do that. She was in love with you, too, then. There were times I wanted to kick your ass when Alex was struggling with the assault, and you were so clueless. But she always defended you. The way she talked about you, it's was like you were a Superhero. I half expected you to be wearing a cape when I met you.

"Then in New York, when Alex was working too much and had checked out on your all, you never took the opportunity to complain to me, or anyone else," Emma said. "And the way your face lit up when she finally did make it home or made time for you...well, I just hope that some day Jennifer looks at me like that.

"I guess I always knew you two were made for each other, which is why I didn't give much merit to what was happening between us, why I didn't see it for so long. It just seemed like something that was out of the question," Emma said.

"Yeah, I felt the same way," Olivia said. "I mean, I saw things going bad, and I checked out, but I never imaged Alex and I would get to where we did. And because of that, because I knew Alex was my soul mate, I never feared my friendship with you. You were my safe place, even if you were filling a need Alex couldn't fill for me. Even if looking back, it seems way to obvious. Like you, I just assumed what I was feeling was nothing, because nothing could ever compete with Alex."

"And nothing ever could," Emma said.

"You're right," Olivia said. "Nothing ever could, but Alex and I, we took our marriage for granted. And it took someone as incredible as you to expose the cracks. Listen, Em, we made mistakes. We hurt Alex. We hurt Jennifer. We were fools. But, you? I don't regret you and our friendship. I regret what it turned into, but I'll never regret meeting you...and neither will Alex."

"I don't know about that," Emma said.

"I do," Olivia said. "In fact, it was Alex who sent me here. She said we needed closure. And she's right. I'd hate for the last words I spoke to you was yelling at you to get out of my squad room."

Emma smiled. "Well, I deserved it. I was being a bitch."

"You were," Olivia said. "Part of me wishes I'd have just let Alex at you. God knows I wanted to."

"Did you see Alex smack me in the courtroom?" Emma said, laughing.

"I did," Olivia said. "I'm happy to say I've never experienced that. And I hope I never do."

"I wouldn't recommend it," Emma said. "But you should know, those feelings I had, they're in the past. I mean, I, of course, care about you, but..."

"But you're falling for Jennifer," Olivia smiled.

"I am," Emma said.

"I'm happy for you," Olivia said.

Both sat quietly for a moment.

"Emma, thank you," Olivia said. "I really mean that. You saved Alex's life. You saved mine. And regardless of everything else that has happened, I will never forget that. Neither will Alex."

"I didn't do it for you," Emma said, suddenly. "I mean, in case you were wondering, or Alex wondered, it wasn't for you. It was for Alex. It was because she had no reason to be there with Heredio. I couldn't let him take someone else's life because of my ego."

"I know why you did it," Olivia said.

"So, I guess this is goodbye," Emma said.

"I guess so," Olivia said. "But please, let Alex and I know when you arrive in the Netherlands and how you are doing. She also insisted I tell you that."

"We will," Emma said. "Thank you, Olivia."

Olivia took Emma's hand and squeezed it. She smiled, nodded her head, and left Emma's bedside.

"Goodbye, Emma."

"Goodbye, Olivia."

#

"Did you see Emma today?" Alex said.

"I did," Olivia said. Olivia was sitting on the bed giving a massage to Alex after a long day of hospital visits, work, and therapy. Caroline was there and was currently reading Noah a bedtime story.

"And?"

"I think we got the closure we needed and said goodbye," Olivia said.

"Liv, it doesn't have to be goodbye like forever," Alex said. "We'll still hear from them. I mean, you did tell her to let us know when they got settled, right?"

"I did tell her," Olivia said. "I know it's not a literal goodbye. It was a goodbye, a real goodbye, on that chapter of our relationship. And this...well, this is a new chapter to you and me. The chapter we should have had when we got married."

"I'd like that," Alex said, rolling over to face Olivia. "And speaking of new chapters, you missed the big news today."

"What?"

"Becca and Trevor got engaged last week," Alex said. "She planned to tell everyone together, after things had kind of, well died down. But Mom and I had lunch with her today, and you know how Mom is...she just knows shit."

"Yep, that sounds like you mom," Olivia said. "That's great for Becca, though, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, I know we joke about Trevor, but he's a good guy," Alex said. "And if he makes her happy, then I'm happy for her."

"Do you realize in four weeks from now, we'll be in Paris?" Olivia said.

"It can't come soon enough," Alex said. "Oh, Mom and I talked today about her watching Noah here during the weeks while we're gone. That way he can keep going to daycare and give her a little break. And Lucy will be here if she has plans. Then on the weekends, they can go to her house and to the beach if she wants."

"If she wants? Don't you mean, if Noah wants?" Olivia said. Alex laughed.

"But yeah, I think that is a fabulous idea," Olivia said. "And while we're on the subject of beaches...I know we're going to Paris, but maybe we can take a couple days to hit up some of those fantastic beaches you told me about in France."

"Which beaches would that be, _Detective_?" Alex said, seeing the mischievous look in Olivia's eye.

"You know, the ones you took pictures at when you visited after high school...the pictures we have to hide from your mother," Olivia said.

"Oh, you mean the _clothing optional_ beaches?" Alex said. "You know, we may be a little too old for that."

"Trust me, there won't be anyone on the beach that looks as good as you do, and I will never tire of seeing you _clothing optional_ ," Olivia said. "In fact, I think we should both be _clothing optional_ right now."

"But Mom -" Alex said.

"Mom...has learned to bring earplugs when she visits because her daughter is _still_ too damn loud and besides, she will just be happy we're not baking cookies in her kitchen," Olivia said.

"Well, when you put it like that, let's get beach ready," Alex said.

"Yes, and I am pretty sure the first place I'm going tonight is _south_ of France," Olivia said, winking at Alex as she moved her hands down Alex's body.

Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's lame joke.

"Promise me you'll never stop loving me," Alex said.

"I will never stop loving you," Olivia said. "I could never stop loving you."

* * *

A/N: Winding down and wondering if there are any loose ends you want me to tie up or questions you have remaining. I'll go to 100 chapters (at least), but it's time we put this story to rest after that. So speak now, or forever hold your peace :-)


	99. Paris

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: PARIS**

"Alex, wake up," Olivia said. "Come on, we have a full day ahead of us."

"Liv, really?" Alex grumbled from beneath the pillow on her head. "Aren't you the least bit tired for all the flying and extracurriculars last night?"

"No. It's our honeymoon, we're not supposed to be tired," Olivia said, picking up the pillow off Alex's head. "I ordered breakfast. By the time you take a shower, it should be here. And I'll have coffee waiting on you."

Alex still wasn't moving so Olivia pulled the covers off her. She stepped back to enjoy the view of her wife laying naked in their hotel bed in Paris.

"What time is it, even?" Alex said, still not budging from the bed.

"I have no idea, but I'm told it's morning," Olivia said. She grabbed Alex's robe and handed it to her. "Now go, please?"

Alex sighed and shook her head before rolling out of bed and grabbing the robe Olivia was holding.

"You better make sure the coffee is here and extra strong by the time I get out," Alex said. She disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower.

After breakfast, Olivia and Alex went to their first stop - The Eiffel Tower.

"Okay, so while you were in the shower, I downloaded the audio tour apps on both our phones," Olivia said. "And brought headphones for us."

"You did what?" Alex said, amused. "And how do you know my password anyway?"

"Well, since I'm your wife, I know that you make up the least secure passwords ever, like using your birthday," Olivia said.

Alex grinned sheepishly, embarrassed that Olivia was right.

"Fine, but do you think we really need an app? I mean, it's The Eiffel Tower."

"I know that, but I already listened to some," Olivia said. "The audio, as well as the text and photos, tell us things we'd never know. And it'll help navigate everything inside as well as the landscape we can see from the tower."

"You're such a nerd," Alex said. "Who knew?"

"Come on," Olivia said, taking Alex's hands. "We're going to walk up."

"First, you wake me up at God knows what time it is back home, then you're telling me we have to talk all the way up?" Alex said. "You know they have lifts."

"Humor me for one day," Olivia said. "Then tomorrow we can be as lazy as you want."

Alex leaned into Olivia and placed a kiss on her temple. "You're lucky I love you so much."

"I know," Olivia said grinning. "But I can't help it. I'm in the most romantic city in the world, on my long-delayed honeymoon, with the woman of my dreams. You can't blame me if life feels a little surreal right now."

"And so romantic," Alex said. "We'll climb the stairs, but I expect jacuzzi time and a calf massage when we get back to the hotel tonight."

"As you wish," Olivia said. "Oh, there is champagne waiting at the top as a reward for you."

"And your reward?" Alex said.

"The champagne that will be waiting for us in our room tonight," Olivia said. "Because I know how you get when you have a little too much champagne."

#

"Rise and shine, sleepy head," Alex said. She walked over and opened the blinds to let the bright morning sun come in the window.

"That's not fair," Olivia moaned, pulling a pillow and covers over her head. "I didn't open the blinds yesterday morning."

"Well, I had a reason for being tired yesterday morning, namely an 8-hour flight, plus travel time, and a wife who refused to let me sleep until we christened the bed," Alex said. "Your only excuse this morning is that you had too much champagne last night. And you say I'm the one that gets crazy with too much champagne."

Alex figured turnabout was fair play and yanked the covers off the bed.

"What are we doing today?" Olivia said, still covering her head from the light.

"The Louvre," Alex said. "And before you complain about a boring museum, I'll remind you that I walked up 704 steps for you yesterday. And I know it was 704 steps because of the audio tour you made us listen to on our phones."

"It was informative, though," Olivia said, finally raising up from the bed.

"It was," Alex said. "As will be the audio tour app I put on our phones for the Louvre."

"How did you -?

"You're not so creative with your passcodes either, Liv," Alex said. "William Shakespeare's birthday? Come on."

"I thought you wanted a guided tour," Olivia said.

"I do, but we'll probably need more than one day, so I figured today, we'd start with a self-tour," Alex said. "Now, chop to. Breakfast is on its way."

After breakfast, they made their way to the Louvre, enjoying the beautiful weather and stroll along the way.

"So, I know how you like to get handsy," Alex said, smirking at Olivia, "but you're not allowed to touch anything in the museum, except in the Tactile Gallery."

"Including you?" Olivia grinned.

"Especially me," Alex said. "You will not get us kicked out of The Louvre or so help me, you'll be on Noah 3 am wake-up duty for a month."

"Just a month?"

Alex glared at Olivia, who just grinned back and offered her hand.

"As long as I can hold your hand, I promise not to get us kicked out of The Louvre," Olivia said.

"Deal," Alex said. "Should we start with the Egyptian Antiquities, Greek and Roman, Sculptures, Paintings -"

"The _Mona Lisa_?" Olivia said.

"Really, that's all you've got?" Alex said.

"What? It's the best-known painting in the world," Olivia said.

"And of course we'll see it, but Liv, there is so much more here you are going to love," Alex said.

Olivia just grinned at how excited Alex was, much like she had been yesterday.

"Well, I'm all yours, so lead the way," Olivia said.

#

Over the next several days, Alex and Olivia took their time exploring Paris. The Palais-Royal Gardens. Musée d'Orsay. Notre Dame. Luxembourg. Shopping. Dining. Each day was a new adventure that awaited them.

"I hope the weather is warm enough for the beach," Alex said as they packed up a small back for a couple days at the beach.

"If you're there, trust me, it'll be hot enough," Olivia said.

Alex rolled her eyes and threw a towel across the room at Olivia.

"For what it's worth, I was kind of kidding about the _clothing optional_ thing," Olivia said. "I mean, don't feel like you have to."

"Olivia, how long have you know me? Is there anything I've ever done because I felt like I _had_ to do it?" Alex said.

"No, I just wanted to make sure you know that I was kidding," Olivia said.

"Kidding, huh?" Alex said. "Sounds like someone in chickening out."

"No, I just don't want you to feel pressured," Olivia said.

"Bullshit," Alex said, laughing. "You've never pressured me to do anything. Why would I think you were starting now? No, I think you're embarrassed at the thought of dropping your top. Which, by the way, I have no expectations of you either."

"How about we just see how it goes?" Olivia said, blushing slightly.

They headed off on their trip, arriving at nightfall, and the next morning were ready for a couple days of relaxing at the beach. With all the walking they had done, they knew they needed to rest up before heading home, anyway.

"People are wearing a lot more clothes here than I thought," Olivia said as they found a spot on the beach away from too many other people.

"You're disappointed with the view?" Alex teased.

"No, I just thought, well, I don't know," Olivia said. "But I'm glad everyone isn't nude. Especially those guys over there."

"The day is still young," Alex said. "Don't jinx it. Now, what's it going to be? Top or no top?"

"What are you going to do?" Olivia said.

"Well, I'm going to lay here on my stomach and read, and untie my top," Alex said. "That way, no tan lines on my back, but I can still cover up if need be. But there is no way I'm dropping my bottoms here."

Olivia nodded. _Good plan._ "Yeah, I wouldn't think so. Me either."

After about an hour of tanning, reading, and talking, the beach filled up a little more, with a handful more people electing to go nude. Women mostly just went without tops, and very few men were fully nude. Both of which made them happy.

Alex sat up suddenly, top still off.

"Can you reapply sunscreen for me?" Alex asked. "I feel like I'm starting to burn."

"Of course," Olivia said. She sat up too, taking Alex's lead and left her top off. She scooted in so she was seated right behind Alex. She poured the cool lotion into her hands and began to rub Alex's shoulders with it. Her skin was warm to the touch, and she let out a soft moan as the cool cream touched her hot skin.

Olivia ran her hands down Alex's back, all the way to her bathing suit bottoms. She then slid her hands around to apply the sunscreen to Alex's stomach. Alex smirked when she felt Olivia's hands.

"You know, my front didn't exactly need more sunscreen," Alex said.

"You can never be too careful with the sun," Oliva said, scooting in closer to where Alex was now sitting between Olivia's knees.

Olivia moved her hands up, and then down Alex's arms. She rubbed the lotion up the back of Alex's neck, and then down front to her collar bone. She then applied more lotion to Alex's sides, allowing her hands to graze Alex's breast. Alex didn't say a word the entire time. Her breathing and soft whimpers told Olivia that she was enjoying it as much as Olivia was.

Finally, Olivia put both hands on Alex's stomach and scooted right up to her, as close as she could get. Alex's backside was right against Olivia's core. Olivia's breast to Alex's back.

Olivia leaned forward and whispered in Alex's ear. "I'm so _hot_ right now and have this _burning_ _desire_ to do something about it...I want to be wet..." Olivia's lips grazed the side of Alex's neck.

Alex stopped breathing. She was so turned on that she considered the option of turning around and taking Olivia right there.

"...I'm going to go take a dip in the ocean," Olivia said, finishing her sentence.

Olivia hopped up and smirked when she saw a surprised look on Alex's face. A surprised look that quickly turned to anger.

"That was a dirty trick," Alex said, trying to regain her composure.

"And getting me to apply lotion to your topless body wasn't?" Olivia said. "Are you coming or not?"

"Nope, I'm going to sit right here and enjoy the view," Alex said. She reached over and grabbed Olivia's bathing suit top so she couldn't put it back on. "Besides, I'm already wet enough, thanks to you."

#

"The beach was fun today," Alex said when they arrived back to their hotel after dinner that night.

"It was," Olivia said. "I don't think I've seen a more beautiful beach...at least from where I was sitting."

"You know I married you, right?" Alex said. "You don't have to flatter me."

"It's not flattery if it's true," Olivia said. "Besides, I'm pretty sure the men to the left of us agreed with me. They couldn't keep their eyes off of you."

"The men to the left of us are the reason I tied my top back up eventually," Alex said. She plopped down on the bed and propped her head up with her elbow. "Can you grab my book from my bag? Not the one I was reading today, but there's another one in there."

Olivia gave her wife a weird look. "You want to read tonight?"

"Yeah, why not?" Alex said.

"I can think of several reasons why not," Olivia said. "Namely, finishing up what we started at the beach. I think I owe you for that."

"I intended to may you pay for that, but I think you'll enjoy this book as much as I do," Alex said, winking.

Olivia cocked her head and walked over to Alex's bag. She began to ruffle through until she found a book and pulled it out.

Olivia audibly gasped, and her wide eyes looked at Alex.

Alex was smirking. "Like I said, I think you'll enjoy this one as much as I do," Alex said.

"Do you really think we need a book, babe?" Olivia said, flipping the book open and sitting on the edge of the bed next to Alex.

"Do I think we _need_ a book? No," Alex said. "Do I think some of the stuff in that book could be fun? Definitely. Try page 47."

Olivia flipped the book to page 47 and studied it for a minute.

"What the? How is that even possible? Are we too old for this?" Olivia said.

"Afraid you'll break something?" Alex said.

"I'm afraid we'll fall, yeah," Olivia said. "And break something."

"Well, we did say we didn't want to be walking by the time we came back," Alex said. "What do you say?"

"I say I will do anything in this book you want," Olivia said. "And I can see you've bookmarked several other pages. Why are you just bringing this out?"

"Because I knew if we started on this book on our first day here, we'd never leave the hotel," Alex said. "And it seemed a shame to come all the way to Paris just to do something we could be doing at home."

"Well, if we're going to get through your bookmarks, we should get started," Olivia said. "Also, I have it on good authority, the rooms around us are empty, so tonight, you get to be as loud as you want _Alexandra."_

Several hours later, Alex and Olivia lay in bed, both panting.

"I think I have a new favorite book," Olivia said. "I particularly liked page 42."

"I think I just read page 42 for the rest of my life and be content," Alex said. "In fact, when I can move again, I think we should re-read page 42. You know, just to make sure we fully understand it."

"I'm never going to walk again, am I?" Olivia said.

"Not if I can help it," Alex said, before rolling over and kissing Olivia.

#

It was their last night, and Paris and Olivia had disappeared in the early afternoon. She had to run some errands and instructed Alex to meet her at a particular location on Champ de Mars, the lawn in front of The Eiffel Tower. Olivia had left in a cute, red and white sundress, so Alex put on something similar. She assumed Olivia had something planned for them and wanted to look nice.

By late afternoon, Alex made her way to The Eiffel Tower and found Olivia at the designated meeting spot. Blanket laid out. Picnic basket. Cheese. Fruit. Bread. Wine. Cookies. Fresh flowers. All the makings for a perfect picnic in Paris.

When Olivia looked up, she saw Alex's face light up. The sun shone on her. Her smile seemed to go on forever, and her eyes sparkled like she had never seen them. At that moment, she almost cried. She had never loved Alex more. Everything they had been through, the good, the bad, the heart-breaking, that brought them there.

"Liv...this is perfect," Alex said. "You are amazing and incredible, and I am so lucky to be your wife."

Alex meant every word. The words seemed so impossible just a few months ago, but now, she never meant anything more.

"Come and sit with me," Olivia said. "I just want to sit here with you, drink wine, and enjoy this moment."

And they did. They drank wine and at the food Olivia had brought. They talked about where they wanted to go on their next vacation. Their hopes and dreams for the future. They talked about retirement, someday. And they were relaxed and in love. Everyone who walked by them could instantly see the love they shared. A handful of people even stopped to comment on how happy and in love they looked.

"Alex, do you know why I fell in love with you?" Olivia said.

"Because I'm perfect and irresistible?" Alex teased.

"Well, one of those is true," Olivia said. "You are irresistible."

"I'm not perfect?" Alex said, showing a fake pout.

"I wouldn't want you to be," Olivia said. "Then I'd never win an argument."

"You rarely do, as it is," Alex said.

"And that's what makes finally winning one even sweeter," Olivia said. "Anyway, can I finish?"

"Go ahead, my lady," Alex said.

"I'm going to paraphrase Fitzgerald here, but believe me, every single word of this was written for you and me," Olivia said. "Your courage inspires me. Your sincerity melts my heart. Your self-respect is fierce. And that's what makes me believe in you...and believe in us. Alex, even when the whole world, thought we were falling apart, those were the things that got me through this. Remembering why I fell in love with you and the woman I fell in love with.

"Alex, I love you, and that is the beginning and end of everything for me."

"You know when I knew I wanted to spend my life with you, Liv? I mean, like really knew?" Alex said. "It was the weekend you met my father. I mean, I already knew I loved you, and we talked told each other as much. But just seeing how strong you were. How you stood up to me when I wanted to run, and then went and somehow convinced him to give you a chance. I just knew, right then and there. And my feeling was confirmed when he later told me he gave you his blessing to marry me."

"He told you that, huh?" Olivia said. "That was supposed to be our secret."

"Daddy kept a lot of secrets, but not that one," Alex said.

They both smiled at each other and leaned into each other, and Alex put her arm around Olivia as they watched as darkness slowly crept into the sky.

"Liv, I don't know if this is the right time, and I know we've been through a lot recently, but I'm going to ask anyway," Alex said. "Do you still want to have more kids? I mean, I know we're not spring chickens, but I mean, we could adopt again. Maybe a child near Noah's age? What do you think?"

Olivia took Alex's free hand and turned her head up. She smiled.

"Funny you should mention that," Olivia said. "I was actually going to bring it up when we got home. And you're right, we're not young anymore, but we manage okay with Noah, and God, yes, I want to have more kids with you. In fact, I already asked Trevor to do some research on adoption agencies for us and have the information when we get back."

"You talked to Trevor already?" Alex said.

"I didn't mean to keep it from you, I just wanted to have information readily available for when we talked about it," Olivia said. "I hope that's okay. I mean, it'll take some time, obviously."

"Yes, it's more than okay, but aren't you worried he'll say something to Becca or Mom?" Alex said. "You know they will be all over this."

Olivia laughed. "Well, Trevor is my attorney, so you know, privilege...which I'm shocked you didn't just think about," Olivia said laughing. "Also, I happen to know Trevor is pretty good at keeping secrets."

"Touché," Alex said. "So, you really want to do this?"

Olivia leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alex's.

"I really, really, want to do this."

* * *

A/N: Who was behind Heredio threatening Emma? I was planning to leave it open, since in canon we don't know who yet is behind the Barba threats, but let me give it some thoughts. I have it in my head who it is, so I'll figure out how to fit it in the next few chapters.

 **Emma** \- yeah, that's tough for me. I love Emma, I think that has been clear. But I did feel like I needed to give her some sort of imperfection, some character flaws, even if her finally telling Alex off came out of frustration. I'm sorry it didn't work for some of you. But, there will be a future Emma story with Olivia (unrelated to this). I'm already planning it, and she'll be equally as graceful and perfect.

A lot of you asked for more kids...so I'm giving them another. Also, I am planning another story, focused on Noah's teenage years (in a different universe than this story as well).

Remaining, we'll have the adoption chapter, and 1-2 future/time jump chapters. And we'll put this one to bed, with all the good, the bad, and the ugly of it.


	100. Addison

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: ADDISON**

 _Nine Months Later_

"Noah, are you ready to meet your new sister today?" Caroline asked Noah while they were busying making a card and coloring waiting on Alex and Olivia to come home.

"Mama says I hafta share," Noah said.

"Yes, you will have to share, but you'll have someone to play with now," Caroline said.

"Like a friend?" Noah said.

"Yes, like a friend," Caroline said.

Caroline and Rebecca were at Alex and Olivia's apartment waiting for them to arrive home from court. Today was the day they were bringing home Addison. She was Noah's age, just a few months younger. Her parents had been killed in a car accident and with no other living relatives, she was placed in foster care.

They had discussed private adoption, a surrogate, and other options, but both decided since it was harder at times to place older children, and had seen so many bad experiences of children going through foster care, they wanted to foster again, like with Noah. They also liked the idea of Noah having someone near his age. Like with Noah, they would become foster parents for a year before they could officially adopt, but that didn't matter to them. They knew as soon as they took Addison in their arms, she was family.

Outside the apartment, Olivia, Alex, and Addison got off the elevator with Trevor following behind since he had been with them in court. Addison held tightly to be both Alex and Olivia's had made several visits, and she had bonded with both individually before the proceedings began.

They stopped just outside the door and before going inside, Olivia knelt down in front of Addison.

"Addison, this is your home now - your forever home," Olivia said. "You have a brother named Noah, who is about your age, and he is very excited you are coming and that he'll have a sister."

"Can he call me Addy?" Addison said. She was a lot more articulate with her words and vocabulary than Noah.

"Yes, sweetie, he can call you whatever you would like," Olivia said, smiling as she looked up at Alex. "If you like Addy better, that's what we'll call you."

"Okay," Addy said.

"Are you ready, Addy?" Alex asked.

Addison nodded, and Trevor moved around to get the door for them, Addison's luggage in tow.

No one was sure what they were supposed to do when they got there, or how the kids would react. They were both nervous about it. Noah had a few months to get used to the idea, but he was also used to being the center of everyone's attention. And Addison wasn't a baby. She was as old as Noah. She would want to play with the same toys, watch the same movies, so they had ingrained in Noah that he had to share his toys and his room with his new sister. He was excited about it, but had his moments he wasn't so sure about this "sister."

"Noah, we'd like you to meet your new sister Addison," Alex said. "Actually, you can call her Addy. She likes that."

Noah grabbed onto Caroline's hand and leaned against her. He wasn't sure about this other kid in his home. Addison also gripped Alex and Olivia's hands tighter.

"Go on, Noah, like we talked about," Caroline urged.

Noah let go and walked over to Addison.

"Hi," he said, waving at her.

"Hi," she replied and waved back, letting go of Alex and Olivia's hands.

Noah put his arms out and walked over and gave her a half hug. Grandma had made him promise, and he wasn't going to let Grandma down. Alex glanced over and Olivia and saw that her eyes were watering. She loved how emotional and soft her big bad SVU Lieutenant could be, especially when it came to kids. Alex moved behind Addison and slipped her arm around Olivia's waist.

"Addy, this is Noah," Alex said. "Over there, is your Grandma Caroline, your Aunt Rebecca, and you've already met Uncle Trevor. Noah, why don't you show Addy to her room."

"Come," he said, and took her hand, pulling her down the hallway. He had spent hours helping Alex and Olivia get their bedroom ready. Setting up the second bed, making half the room look "girly," and while he sometimes complained, he was still excited.

The women watched as their children went down the hall. They followed behind and stood at the door, keeping watch as Noah gave Addy the tour.

"This is your bed," he said. "Your toys go here. Mine are there. Mama says we hafta share."

Addison was mostly quiet, letting Noah do the talking. They had been prepared for her to be shy and were just happy that Noah was on his good behavior today.

They let Noah and Addy play a game with Grandma while they got dinner ready.

"They're getting along really well," Alex said as she moved around Olivia in the kitchen.

"I know, it's almost scary," Olivia said. "But give it time. The first time Addy tries to play with Noah's race cars, I'm sure he's going to pitch a fit."

"I don't know, I think he may not like it when he has to go to daycare next week, and she gets to stay home with me," Alex said. "Do you still think it's best to keep him going while we get her settled in?"

"I do," Olivia said. "It's going to be a culture shock for both of them. If they have that time during the day apart until Addy is ready for daycare, then maybe it'll make the transition easier. It's like when I was a kid, and we got a new kitten. The cat we already had wasn't happy about it, so we had to keep the kitten in my room for a while and ease them into each other. Let them get use to the other's smells and presence."

Alex stopped what she was doing and lifted the knife from the cutting board.

"Did you just compare our kids to cats?" she asked with an amused look on her face.

"Maybe," Olivia said with a sheepish grin. "But you have to admit, it makes sense."

"It does make sense, but you're just wrong on so many levels," Alex said.

"Hey, at least we don't have a litter box to clean up," Olivia said.

"No! I won!" Noah yelled from the living room.

"No. I won. Tell him," Addy said, looking at Caroline, who just had a smirk on her face.

Rebecca looked up from the other side of the room and saw Olivia and Alex looking in there.

"Candyland is getting a little cutthroat in here," Rebecca said. "It seems both Noah and Addy have a bit of a competitive streak."

"I guess the honeymoon is over," Olivia whispered to Alex. "By the way, they get that competitiveness from you."

"Me? We just brought Addy home today," Alex said. "I mean, maybe I can take some responsibility for Noah's being -"

"-a sore loser?" Olivia laughed.

"Shut up," Alex said. "Alright guys, let's put the game away and come have dinner."

Everyone gathered around the dinner table. Noah and Addy climbed in their booster seats, and Alex and Olivia sat between them. Trevor, Rebecca, and Caroline filled the rest of the table. Once everyone began eating, Alex reached over, took Olivia's hand, and squeezed it. She smiled as she looked around the table seeing everything they had dreamed of and talked about for so long.

Later that night, after they got both kids to sleep Alex joined Olivia in the bedroom after putting the dishes away. Olivia was sitting up in bed, glasses on, reading a book with the lamp next to her on. Alex leaned against the door of the bedroom.

"What?" Olivia said, looking up from her book.

"Nothing," Alex said. Her smile covered her entire face. "I just love you." She pulled off the doorframe and walked over join Olivia in bed. Olivia sat her book and glasses on the nightstand and slid down into bed to face Alex.

"I love you, too," Olivia said, somewhat amused. They often told each other they loved each other, but the look on Alex's face said more.

Alex began running her fingers up and down Olivia's arm.

"No, I mean, I love you. I love our life. I love our family. This is everything I've always wanted with you," Alex said. "And I can't imagine being happier than I am right now at this moment."

Olivia smiled, pressing her lips together to fight back tears. She felt everything Alex was feeling.

"Are you seriously going to cry again?" Alex teased.

"It's happy tears," Olivia said. "And yes, I'm going to cry. What can I say? I've gone soft in my old age."

"You are anything but old, but I do kind of like this side of you," Alex said. "You're a lot less hard-headed."

"I learned a long time ago there is no point in being stubborn when you're married to a lawyer," Olivia said. "Because you're even more stubborn. And, I love you and our life and family, too. This is perfection. I mean, it was already more than I ever imagined with just you, but with Noah, and now Addy, I can't believe I ever got so lucky."

Alex leaned forward and pulled Olivia to her, pressing their lips together.

"We got lucky," Alex said.

* * *

A/N: One more chapter (Noah and Addison's HS graduation / Epilogue) and we'll wrap this up, unless I get a wild hair tomorrow.

Besides, I need one more to hit a true 100 chapters (since one was just an author's note when everyone thought the world was ending and Olivia was gonna leave Alex).

And just wow, to all of you for reading, for reviewing, for hanging in there. Thank you. I know with 100 chapters and 200K + words, there were probably storylines, chapters, and other things you didn't always like, but I appreciate all of you who hung with it, and let it finish out. Even though who didn't hang with it, I appreciate. As well as all the reviews, good and bad. It helps me write better to see what you are seeing/feeling as you read.


	101. Graduation - Epilogue

**BETWEEN THE SCENES: GRADUATION - EPILOGUE**

"Can you believe our kids are graduating high school today?" Olivia said as she and Alex got in the car to drive to the graduation. "I mean, it seems like just yesterday they were three years olds fighting over Candyland."

"Actually, I think they were still fighting over a Candyland game yesterday," Alex said. "For whatever reason, they pulled that game out of the closet and started playing. I didn't even know we still had it, or why they were playing it. Our brilliant children playing Candyland."

"I kept it," Olivia said, laughing. "It was kind of their thing when we first brought Addy home, so I couldn't get rid of it when we purged stuff a few years ago."

"That was a pretty good call on Mom's behalf, pulling that game out, even if it ended in yelling," Alex said. "I wish she were here for this. I miss her."

"I know, we all do," Olivia said, taking her wife's hand. "But you know she is here."

"Don't start, Liv," Alex said. "I'm already emotional enough about our babies growing up and going out into the real world. I don't need the _Mom is always with us_ speech today. No, I need to just focus on this and get through today. Then I'm going to go home and cry for a week."

"You're adorable," Olivia said. "Even still."

"Even if we can't still do that thing from page 42?" Alex said.

"Oh God, I can't even think about page 42 without breaking a hip," Olivia said. "Do you remember that time the kids almost walked in on us during page 42 because they thought you were hurt?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," Alex said. "But you did make it in record time to slam the door back shut, which was pretty impressive."

"Do you think they knew what we were doing?" Olivia said.

"Well, I certainly hope they didn't know _exactly_ what we were doing, but I'm sure if they didn't figure it out then, they did when they were older," Alex said.

"Are Rebecca and Trevor meeting us outside or inside?" Olivia said.

"Inside. We'll just save them seats," Alex said. "Oh, and they're giving the kids their Europe trip today. I know you're not crazy about it, but ..."

"No, it's fine, we have to let them go," Olivia said. "I just wish your sister and Trevor had their own kids. That way they wouldn't spoil ours so much."

Alex laughed. "Are you ready for this?" Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as they parked the car and readied to go in for Graduation.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Olivia said. She leaned over and kissed Alex before they got out of the car and walked inside.

#

 _Addison Benson-Cabot._

 _Noah Benson-Cabot._

That was all it took for the waterworks to start on both Alex and Olivia. Hearing their children's names being called and watching them walk across the stage to get their diplomas.

#

After graduation, family and friends gathered at Alex and Olivia's place to celebrate the kids and their accomplishments, before they headed out to their grad party at the school.

"You must be proud," Emma said, walking over to where Olivia was standing in the kitchen.

"We are," Olivia said. "And you probably are, too. Gracie starts, what, Secondary School this year?"

"She does," Emma said. "And her and Jennifer send their congrats, as well. They'd be here if they weren't both sick with the flu. Go figure that we come here for summer vacation and they get sick immediately."

"I understand," Olivia said. "It's good to see you, anyway. It's been forever."

"Yeah, I think since we came back for Clyde Jones' parole hearing," Emma said.

Jones had been a retired cop who was actively involved in the police union and was the man who hired Heredio to send the death threats to Emma. Unfortunately, Emma wasn't the only person he had threatened and had even gone through with the murder of three others, which is what ultimately what got him caught. His parole had been revoked several years ago when Emma and Alex had given victim statements. Of course, he died in prison a few years later.

"Hey, Addy, you remember Emma, don't you?" Olivia said.

"Of course, Mom," Addison said. "Hey, Noah and I are going to Europe this summer and Mama said you could give me a tour of all things Shakespeare while we're in London. Would you mind?"

Emma laughed and smiled. "Of course."

"Mama said you loved Shakespeare as much as Mom here, which I didn't think was possible," Addy said. Addison had taken her Mom's interest in English literature.

"When did Alex tell you all this?" Olivia said, amused by her daughter.

"Just a little while ago," Addy said. "After Aunt Becca gave us our gift."

"Well, Jennifer, Gracie and I will be happy to take you," Emma said. "I understand you are going to John Jay. Not going Ivy League like your brother?"

"I already know I want to study criminal justice and be a police office," Addison said. "Besides, I'm smarter than Noah, anyway. I don't need a degree from Harvard to prove that." Addison smirked at her brother who started walking over when he heard his name.

"What was that?" Noah said.

"I was just telling Emma that I'm smarter than you," Addison said.

"And you're going to Harvard like Alex?" Emma asked.

"Yep. Pre-law," Noah said. "Then I'll work at the DA's office and then move on to the US Attorney's office."

Olivia and Emma laughed. Olivia loved how determined and focused both their kids were.

"Well, I'm going to talk to Alex and then say goodbye," Emma said. "It was good to see you, Liv. And Noah, Addison, I hope to see you all this summer."

#

Alex plopped down on the couch and laid her head in Olivia's lap.

"Is everyone finally gone?" she said.

"Yep, including our kids who are hopefully staying safe tonight," Olivia said.

"They're at Chelsea Piers all night, I'm sure they'll be fine," Alex said.

"Emma was excited that Addy asked her about giving her a Shakespeare tour this summer," Olivia said.

"Good," Alex said. "Addison is so much like you it's scary."

"Well, Noah is just like you," Olivia said. "Down to the goofy black glasses he wears."

Alex scoffed. "You love my goofy black glasses."

"You're right, I do," Olivia said. "Is this what empty nest feels like?"

"What do you mean?"

"A quiet house. Just you and me. The remote to the TV is all ours. A full Netflix queue," Olivia said.

Alex raised her eyebrows. "A full Netflix queue, already?"

"I may have been preparing," Olivia grinned. "I mean, the kids leave for Europe in a week. They'll be gone for a month, and when they come back, they'll be packing up and gone. This is pretty much it, babe. Just you and me."

"I know what we could do right now..." Alex said, suggestively.

"Alex, I love you, but I am exhausted and um, we're like 70," Olivia said.

"Well, first of all, we're not 70 yet. We still have a few more years," Alex said. "Second of all, I was just going to suggest we take a walk."

They had been taking nearly daily walks since they started the habit all those years ago.

"It's kind of late don't you think," Olivia said.

"It's 7 pm. It's not late."

"But it's getting dark outside," Olivia said.

"And you're a cop," Alex said. "You'll protect me."

"I'm a retired cop," Olivia said. "And I haven't carried my gun in years."

"Come on, we'll just go to the park across the street," Alex said. "We didn't get our walk in today, and I think today, more than any other day, we need it. Our babies are grown."

Olivia smiled and got up from the couch. They got ready and met at the door.

When they reached the sidewalk outside their apartment, they both reach for each other's hand, interlocking fingers and stroll up the sidewalk. Alex leaned her head onto Olivia as they walked, and Olivia kissed her temple.

They walked hand-in-hand through the park, young couples watching on and hoping that someday, they can have what they have - a love that endures all.

"I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you, Olivia."

THE END.

* * *

A/N: We're done. This is it. I tried to tie up loose ends through conversations here.

 **THANK YOU ALL** so so so much for reading, for reviewing, for tweeting, and all of it. Like I said, with over 200,000 words and 100 chapters, I'm sure I made some missteps along the way and had things you didn't like at times, but thanks for hanging in. I do enjoy my angst, but I'm a big believer in happy endings, too.

And since we're at the end, know I already have some things in the works...including one I just started called " **The Noah Series: Teenage Years** ". If you search that or go to my profile, you should be able to find it. Chapter 1 is already up. I have some cute, fun stuff planned, and it'll be mostly light. Nothing like this.

Yes, an Emma Series will come, too. But that one won't likely be for the faint of heart or those who are not interested in seeing Olivia paired with anyone but Alex.

If you are on twitter and want to chat, you can find me darkclocks. Or if you have story ideas, tweet me or message me on here.


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